"She screams "Tonight, I wanna be like you" Dancing in the light to forget the abuse Lost in the crowd, no one will ever know The girl in blue is all alone"
- girl in blue, Animal Sun
Alcohol wasn't Raven's go-to beverage choice in any setting, but there was something about the perfectly spherical balls of ice that spun and glistened in the large bowl of red sickly sweet, and (not so) secretly spiked punch that cast a spell on her and forced at least one cup into her hand and down her throat. The last remaining traces of her drink kept her company as she sat idly on the roof of the tower. Even from here, she can hear the faint thumping of music a few floors below her in the main living room. Another night, another party.
Most times they were fine, they were manageable, to say the least. Trying to keep her own emotions in check while being nearly suffocated by the overwhelming cocktail of everyone else's, alcohol had nothing on her. Tonight had been the same as any other party of theirs– loud music, greasy food, shitty flirting, and just so many voices.
Sedation sounded nice. The drink had burned her throat and warmed her brain, making it harder to focus on any one particular person which was either a blessing or a curse. Her eyes had kept falling between the girls in the center of the room, Starfire, Terra, and Bee all dancing with each other, smiling brightly, faces flush and full of life, full of joy. Their eyes open occasionally, searching out their respective partners and faces flushing deeper, emotions running wild. Normally it didn't bother her to see her friends happy, quite the opposite actually.
Something bitter had settled in her stomach along with the remnants of her drink and there were only so many times she could watch the girls fall over each other or the boys drool from afar before she silently excused herself, slipping out of the room unnoticed as usual and making her way up to the roof.
The sunset is bright against the skyscrapers of the city, nearly a blinding sight as yellows and oranges bleed along the city bay and over the bridge reflecting up their tower. Her leg swings over the edge of the building, the breeze tousling her hair carefully around her face as she watches the waves crash lazily against the shore below her.
Some days it didn't feel fair, the condition of her existence. Dancing and partying was something people her age seemed to do frequently, at least in Earth culture. She didn't fully understand the appeal, but there were times she did. Watching Starfire was occasionally a mesmerizing experience, even though she too wasn't from Earth she seemed to adapt so seamlessly into the lackadaisical and aloof culture of "letting go". Which was something that Raven just never felt able to afford.
Even if things were different with her circumstances, what would that change ultimately? On nights like this, she often felt more alone than usual, especially after hours. It was usually best to leave the room before the others and not feel the uncontrollable pang of rejection at, once again, going to bed alone and sober. It was more than natural for everyone to pair up, but it didn't change her mind from running wild at thoughts of the future and where that ultimately left her.
"The sky looks nice over the city like this,"
A voice behind Raven startles her, causing her to jump, throwing the remains of her solo cup at the offender. Robin jumps back, the plastic cup skittering across the ground rolling towards his feet as the liquid spills over the ground and he looks up at her in surprise.
"Sorry," He offers. "I figured you'd hear me coming."
Raven relaxes, staring at him silently for a moment before she turns her attention back out to the city.
"Taking a break from the music and the people?" Robin asks lightly, shuffling closer and taking a seat a few inches away from her.
"Just from the music it seems," She muses, shifting to let both her legs dangle over the ledge of the building.
Robin is silent and she can feel the shock of her words sway his mental state curiously. She doesn't have the strength to look at him, she didn't come up here with the anticipation of talking to anyone. The buzz in her head makes it hard to remember how sharp her tongue and tone are but she also doesn't have the will to remedy the mood.
"Did something happen?" Robin finally breaks the silence softly. "Are you okay?"
Whatever she feels beating in her chest erratically at the moment is foreign. It makes the idea of speaking feel impossible as if she were about to choke on the words if they tried to find their way up and out of her mouth. They sit there, swirling in her throat and for a moment Raven wonders how likely it would be for her to actually throw up after only having one drink. Robin's voice almost makes her sad, a wistful feeling dripping down her brain and chilling her spine. It was annoying how well he could read her sometimes, and nothing got past his ever-observant eyes.
Raven sighs, closing her eyes before opening them slowly and letting them settle on the water below them. "You should go enjoy the party, Robin." She tries making her voice sound lighter but somehow it only manages to make her sound as exhausted as she feels.
She can feel Robin's eyes watching her intensely. A smaller swirl of emotions cascaded off him, less intense than the tsunami downstairs, but still staggering nonetheless. A turmoil of wanting to take advantage of their solitude and pry into her emotional state, while also wanting to respect her space and being far too well trained at reading a room to be blind in thinking she was okay right now. Her own mind is too preoccupied with sorting through his thoughts to hear the meaningless words spilling from his mouth until he's already stopped speaking. Whatever he had said likely wasn't important anyway, so she doesn't ask him to clarify.
"The others will notice you're gone," Raven tries to play off his concern. "They'll miss you."
Maybe if she can convince herself she's alright she can convince him too, right? Her eyes drop down to her lap when she can feel the concern increase sharply in his aura and suddenly she's not so sure she's been all that persuading.
"I don't really care about what the others think," Robin starts slowly and she can hear the frown lacing his tone. "You always sneak off before the end of the night."
Raven bites her lip, her eyebrows twitching downward slightly at his words and she can't help the way her eyes shoot over to look at him quickly before dropping back down to her hands in her lap.
"I hardly miss much," She shrugs.
"How would you know if you're never there?" Robin challenges.
"I'm sure everyone would talk about it in the morning," She sighs, leaning back slightly. "Do you ever take a night off from being a superhero, Robin?"
"No," He answers simply, "I can't. It's part of who I am. Who we are," He pauses, smiling sheepishly. "Do you think I need a night off?"
"Isn't that the point of the party downstairs?" She blinks blindly toward the city.
"I suppose so," He answers softly. "It's hard to feel like I can relax and enjoy myself sometimes. I'm always on edge, planning for any sort of trouble." He sighs. "You don't seem like you're very relaxed either, Rae."
Her irises are the only thing that moves as she glances at him, lingering her attention on his face as he speaks. She can understand how he feels, it was easy for them to relate to the feeling of always being slightly alert. Something is always ready to interrupt even the simplest moments of ease and ruin them with the snap of a hand. Turning her eyes back to the city she remains silent, letting his words linger in the silence of the breeze before it's broken again.
"Rae? Can you look at me?" Robin pleads softly and Raven sighs.
Defiantly staring straight ahead, she arches a brow curious about his request but she hardly has the energy to think let alone entertain some game for him. At her leisure, she allows her head to loll to the side, staring blankly towards his body, seemingly staring straight through him, before pulling her eyes up to look at his face. Her wistful expression becomes composed to a slightly more neutral one, arching a brow in his direction asking if she had complied well enough. Robin smiles at her in a gentle knowing way that makes her blood boil in a way she doesn't expect.
"What's wrong with you?" Raven snaps, her eyes becoming sharper and full of fire. "Why are you here? What do you want from me, Robin? Go hang out with your friends downstairs if you want attention so badly."
She looks away from him, pulling her legs up to her chest to wrap her arms around them and rest her chin against her knees. The weight of his eyes remains on her, sending chills along her neck. The sharp words sting her throat on the way out, but she wants to push him away, she wants to marinate in her loneliness. Robin sits up a little straighter, the shift in his vibe more serious and laced with concern.
"I just wanted to check on you," Robin says softly and it frustrates her further.
Confusion tingles at the back of her mind and she clenches her fists and eyes closed tightly. "I didn't ask you to. I came out here by myself. You followed me by yourself. I'm sure there are people you care about more than me that you could better be spending your time with."
Robin is silent and his gaze on her grows heavier with time. It's not easy to be so aggressive toward him, especially when he tries to remain patient and understanding with her. Tonight isn't the night for their deep conversations that only lead to nothingness. He should take advantage of all the pleasures downstairs that she longed for. Dance with their friends, drink till he can't see, lose his inhibitions, lose control…
"Speak for yourself," He says quickly. "Are we not friends, Raven?"
It feels like something electrocutes her brain and her breath shutters as coldness washes over her. Bringing her hands up to cover her face she sighs harshly into her hands, the sting of tears burning behind her eyes. She can't force any words out, the uncontrollable knot of emotions pools in her throat, and speaking would only cause her to choke. She hates feeling like this, especially in front of other people. She came out here to let go of herself for a moment and now it was becoming harder than before to keep herself together.
"Do you not trust me?" Robin's voice is somber and she can't help the bitter laugh that falls wetly from her lips, dropping her hands to expose the slightly glossy skin of her cheeks as tears overflow and glide down her face.
"Robin, I trust you more than anyone," Raven responds wistfully, her fingers locking together as she looks down at her lap again. "You just wouldn't understand."
"Maybe not completely," He agrees, "But I'd like to try and be there for you. No one should be missing out on the fun tonight."
Raven swallows softly, her eyes lingering downward as she fidgets with her fingers for a moment before her eyes turn bitterly towards the town again.
"You have the choice to go downstairs and get drunk. Have fun. Lose yourself…" Her eyes gloss over and the city blurs behind her eyes as she speaks. "Everyone downstairs likely will." You wouldn't understand what it's like to have these parties and feel everyone's overwhelming emotions the entire night. I get no relief, and I can't even join you guys." She frowns to herself. "I can't lose control of my emotions or I lose control of my powers. I can't have fun or no one does."
Robin is as silent as the breeze between them and she knows better than to think her words alone will shoo him away at this point. He takes in everything she tells him and absorbs it, turning his own gaze out toward the city as well. Raven hears the heavy inhale and exhale of breath he takes, steadying himself, and finding the correct words to respond that wouldn't further upset her. The faint bass in the living room hums below them, filling the peace that he has yet to break.
After a while, she's not sure that he'll say anything and she takes the risk of glancing at him, watching his neutral masked expression stare out at the city similarly to how she had been when he found her. Tanned cheeks are flush from either alcohol or the chaos downstairs but regardless it makes his face seem softer. She's certain he knows she's looking at him, but is choosing to ignore her gaze, probably worried he'll scare her off if he acknowledges the action.
"Do you really think everyone will need me downstairs that badly?" Robin asks finally.
The question stumps her momentarily, not even remotely what she expects him to ask. Blinking her composure back into place she tries to inconspicuously wipe her face off on her sleeve before nodding.
"I'm sure they'll miss you down there far more than I'll miss you up here," She assures him.
"You're sure I can't convince you to come with me?" He turns so they finally lock eyes with each other, his still shrouded behind the mask.
She shakes her head, offering him a forced smile. "I don't want to dampen anyone's fun." She had already ruined his. "Dance with Starfire for me."
Something shifts in Robin's face at her words, sinking and twitching in a minuscule way that only those closest to him would be able to notice. The scent of sadness pricks her nose and holding his gaze starts becoming a chore. Raven blinks, breaking whatever leash was keeping him to her, and turns her eyes back across the sun setting across the bay. Robin lingers for a moment longer quietly, before placing a hand on her shoulder firmly before standing and making his way back toward the roof hatch.
The clunk of the latch behind him allows the tension in her body to evaporate. Her eyes find the devastating leftovers of her beverage, the solo cup still abandoned on the concrete and she wishes she had more to drink. Sighing, she throws herself back to lie against the cold stone, her eyes dancing across the bleeding colors of the sky as they slowly transform into a dark-speckled blanket of stars. The others dealt with her dismal demeanor more than enough on a daily basis, they deserved a celebration to be away from her as well.
Raven's thoughts can't help but filter back to the partygoers; she envies them. The absurd joy flows around the room like the music that sways their bodies. Watching their flushed faces and large smiles would have become sickening had she stayed or decided to go downstairs with Robin. Being bitter about her friend's happiness wasn't a habit she wanted to become accustomed to, she would blame it on the alcohol for tonight and meditate on it tomorrow.
It hardly felt fair to share a space with someone so alluring and full of confidence like Starfire. All the men fawning over Star, and her ability to get any man she wanted at any time, Raven resented her on occasion. Even Terra's confidence at times could rival her own. Before it felt like there was some sort of even ground amongst the team, no one felt inclined to pair up and everyone was focused on the job. Once Terra joined it just seemed natural. Beastboy and Terra, Robin and Starfire, Cyborg and Bee, they all meshed seamlessly together. As if fate had brought them all together for a reason and would only further reward them in their endeavors for happiness as long as they entertained the strings.
To be fair, fate had allowed her wildest dreams to come true. Her father was gone, and she was here, alive. A full life ahead of her and her friends, beyond ready for them to experience. Where to even begin? What even was she now? A girl? A human? A demon? An alien? Alive…. She still retained power, whether from her father or from her own strength she wasn't sure. Whatever it was still forced her to maintain control. Too much laughter, sadness, or fear could cause a burst. Her father was no longer at risk of getting free, but her ability to topple their home and crush everyone by accident alone was a thought that weighed heavily in her mind.
A life with a future had snuck up on her and thrust her into reality. The older she got, the more time went on– seeing her friends grow and change in ways she would never have expected. Watching herself go through the same changes, but only full of hesitation and reserve at the thought. She was never supposed to make it this far. She was supposed to die at 18 along with the rest of humanity when her father wiped everything from this planet.
The thunk of the latch behind her makes her jump, spinning to see Robin shuffling his way up the roof ladder, his arms full of things. She frowns, shifting to get a better look at him, watching as he pulls up his boombox, what looks like an armful of blankets, and his overstuffed backpack.
"What–?" She starts to ask but he cuts her off, throwing a pillow to smack her in the face unexpectedly and she flinches.
He tosses a few more small pillows toward her before pulling his body up and onto the roof with ease before shutting the hatch underneath him and locking it.
"Robin?" She hisses exasperated, throwing the pillow sharply back at him which he only dodges to her annoyance.
Ignoring her he begins spreading blankets out in a large square, gathering the pillows he had thrown at her into a comfy pile. Once he's satisfied he grabs his backpack and pulls it over so he can dig through it, slowly pulling out even more belongings; a pack of cans, a few more solo cups, and a jar of what looks like the red punch she had been sipping on earlier.
"What do you think you're—"
"I think," Robin cuts her off, "You're being a baby to be quite honest."
Raven grimaces, taken back by his words. "What–"
"What's the worst that's going to happen with you letting loose dancing to some music? Getting a little intoxicated? After that movie, you lost control but you didn't hurt us, so why would you now?" Robin asks, tossing her one of the cans he had brought.
She catches it easily, seeing a can of hard strawberry lemonade in her hand as she looks down. "I don't know. I don't know what will happen. But I know I could kill you if I can't stop myself."
"Yeah," Robin agrees, cracking open his own drink. "So could Star, so could Terra, Beastboy, or any of the others with internalized powers and they don't let that stop them."
"I'm different," Raven argues.
"Because you're forcing yourself to be," Robin takes a drink, staring her down. "When have you ever hurt us, Raven?"
"I caused the end of the world, Robin."
"And then you saved it," Robin argues in return. "Look it's just me and you up here, no one else is going to see you get a little silly if that's what you're worried about." He smirks at her, taking another swig of his drink.
Raven sighs, "Robin, getting silly is the least of my concerns."
"Good," He encourages, slurping his drink loudly as he rolls forward to stand without the aid of his hands.
He moves back to the hatch to grab the boombox he had brought with him, carries it back, and places it a little bit in front of where he had sprawled out the blankets. Strolling over to her he holds out his hand toward her in expectation and she flinches away from him.
"Give me your phone," He instructs, ignoring her reaction.
Raven frowns up at him, glancing between his hand and his face for a moment in consideration. His aura exudes both confidence and nervousness, the contradiction of emotions contrasting bitterly against each other as he bears down on her. The chill condensation running down the can and onto her hand shocks her back into reality, jumping slightly as she pats her pockets and pulls out her phone to hand it to him. He unlocks it easily, she shouldn't be surprised, tapping through her phone to pull up her music app and holding the phone out towards her.
"Find something you want to dance to,"
She blinks at his instruction, slowly reaching up to grab her phone and silently scrolling through her playlists until she finds something acceptable enough for the moment. Robin doesn't question her decision as she shows him the playlist, tilting his body toward the radio so it will connect to the Bluetooth faster and he turns the volume up as loud as he can on her phone before handing it back to her and jogging over to the radio to turn it up even more. Finally satisfied he begins dancing awkwardly to the music, taking tiny sips of his drink when his hand comes close enough to his face.
Raven arches a brow as she watches him, cringing slightly as he moves horribly off-beat to the fast synthetic track. Hoping her expression is masked well enough by her mild annoyance she remembers once again the drink in her hand, staring down at it for a moment in consideration. Something large and loud lands near where she's sitting, and she jumps slightly looking up to see a first aid kit resting in front of her. She looks up at Robin who was slowly dancing his way back over in front of the boom box. He must have shoved the kit in his bag on the way up, or maybe it had already been in there, knowing him.
"Since you're worried. Just in case," Robin assures, not stopping his dramatic dancing session.
Raven huffs, standing up while staring at the big red kit on the ground, then back at the matching red can in her hand and sighs, cracking it open and slowly taking a sip. It's mostly sweet, the slight bitterness of lemonade stabbing the sides of her tongue as it fills her mouth. The strawberry is overwhelming, but the alcohol is not. What a dangerous little drink. Robin cheers enthusiastically as she takes a deeper drink and she rolls her eyes in response.
"I need the drink to watch you dance," She tells him, crossing her arms over her chest but keeping the hand with her drink available so she can continue taking sips.
"What do you mean?" Robin asks, intentionally making his dance moves more sloppy at her comment.
"You're a horrible dancer," Raven grimaces, eyeing the way he keeps kicking his legs out and flailing his arms just off beat so she knows it's intentional.
"At least I am dancing." Robin gloats, spinning for emphasis and taking another swig of his drink with a dramatic "Ahh," to finish it off. "You know dancing usually looks a lot better from not so far away,"
"Is that so?" Raven mutters, "Is that a commonly known fact?" She lazily strolls closer to him, sipping her drink as she watches him.
"Sure," He shrugs. "Why else would clubs have crowds of people jammed all together and drunk? It's not fun to be sober and watching from a distance,"
Raven hums, musing at his words as her body subconsciously starts bobbing to the music, rolling forward on the balls of her feet to bounce to the beat.
"Speaking of," He reaches forward to tap his can against hers. "Bottoms up," He presses the can to his lips and throws his head back to down the rest of his drink quickly, gasping in a breath of air as he pulls it away from his face and smiles at her expectantly.
Raven looks down at the drink she'd been nursing and raises an eyebrow in consideration. Her eyes glanced back toward the ledge where she'd been sitting, lingering on the first aid kit that he'd dropped near her. A first aid kit wouldn't bring anyone back to life if she went too far, but she'd be lying if her brain couldn't stop reminding her of the point Robin had made about the others with powers. Starfire's powers were driven by her emotions just as much as Raven's were. Star had gone through the trial and error of drunkenly having to remember how strong she was, especially when challenged to an arm wrestling contest by an over-enthusiastic Speedy. Maybe Raven wouldn't be so different.
Slamming the can to her mouth she closes her eyes and allows the liquid to pool in her mouth, taking as quick of gulps at a time as she can until the can is empty and her chest is warm. Robin smiles enthusiastically at her, cheering as he continues bobbing next to her. Dropping the empty can she moves over toward the nest Robin had made and crouches down to grab another can from the pack, cracking it open and continuing the stream down her throat.
When she gets about halfway through the second can she hears Robin call her name, his voice tinged with concern. Gasping in air she turns to look at him slightly, her eyes hard as she challenges him silently. He doesn't back down, returning an inquisitive look, questioning her intention. Grabbing another full can from the pack, she stands and slowly returns to him, closing the distance between them to press the fresh can to his chest, dropping her grip when his comes up to replace it.
The song on the radio changes and embarrassment tickles her brain along with recognition. Robin throws a surprised look at her, slowly shifting into a knowing grin as he also recognizes a song she had chastised him for listening to because she found it "annoying". He begins bouncing excitedly to the beat of the song, the joy radiating off him nearly as intoxicating as the alcohol. She's thankful for the distraction in her hand, turning her flushed face away from him to sip at the drink, beginning to bob along to the music as well.
Heat feels like it washes over her body, starting at her brain and traveling down her spine until it swirls in her stomach. Robin doesn't make a verbal comment about the song but moves closer to her, trying to hype up her movements with his own. Raven closes her eyes, ignoring him as she continues slowly draining her can as she begins loosening up more. Eventually, the song ends and shifts back into something more mellow but upbeat for her standards.
Her eyes still closed she loses herself in the moment, the breeze of the twilight air around them ghosts across her skin and rustles her hair. The alcohol is settling nicely in her stomach as the music seems to take control of her, her body swaying to the beat as she rolls up on her toes and continues hopping lightly. It feels like her arms begin moving on her own accord, rising and cutting through the air like the wind. Dancing felt like conjuring magic that only she could feel, the melody slipping between her fingers like a spell.
She can feel the heat of Robin's body lingering behind her, drifting around her like her own personal solar system. The drinks from before make it easy for her to forget who it is that's so close to her body. Losing herself even more she tries to mimic the way she's seen the others dance together, leaning slightly into his body so her head brushes over his shoulder. Focusing on the music alone she continues shifting her weight between her legs to accentuate the way her body sways. The dark synthetic beat vibrates her skull, causing the tingle from alcohol to reverberate behind her eyes and turn her thoughts to jello.
Large warm hands hesitantly rest on her hips and she doesn't acknowledge them, not wanting to startle them away. Instead, she leans back farther, his chest brushing against her back as they move side to side against each other. His hands become more comfortable, holding her tighter as her movement seems to encourage him. Songs from her playlist continue hyping her body up, the ability to think dwindling and her head growing heavier with time. Her head lolls back to rest fully against his shoulder, the heat of his body mingling with the warmth of hers.
Whether it's by habit or being too comfortable in the moment, the hands slide further up her body, accidentally slipping under her shirt so their skin collides. Raven's eyes open with a gasp, the feeling shocking her brain back to a dizzy reality and she spins quickly to look up at him. Robin's eyes widen in surprise under his mask and his hands hover just away from her body as they stare at each other.
Their faces are far closer than she had expected them to be when she'd moved and it stuns her momentarily, her lips parting and the heat from her stomach rising to color her cheeks. Swallowing down a shaky breath she licks her lips subconsciously. Robin's hands float down to rest against her body again and her brain has the same reaction of suddenly remembering where they are, who they are, and that whatever this is– can't happen.
Raven pulls away from him, pressing her lips into a tight line and clenching her jaw tightly. Robin lets her go, but she feels the simultaneous sensation of curiosity and disappointment waft from him. Robin's hands drop to his sides, his breathing faster than normal as he watches her. She can feel her heart beating erratically, words escaping her mind. The weightlessness of her body makes her stagger and he reaches out to catch her automatically, and she frowns, pulling away from him even more, wrapping her arms around her torso defensively.
"Raven–"
"You should probably head back downstairs," She cuts him off, breaking eye contact and looking down at the ground in front of him. "The others will notice Dick Grayson missing from a party."
Robin huffs in frustration and she's sure if she could see his eyes they would be rolling. "I don't care," He closes the distance between them again, raising his hands to rest on her shoulders so he can look deeply into her eyes. "You're not as dangerous as you think you are,"
There's something so gentle to his voice that it causes her to choke up. Tears sting and pierce at the back of her eyes and she can feel the moisture welling up beyond her control. She tries to swallow but the action only hurts her throat, causing a wet gasp to fall from her lips and Robin moves closer in concern. Raven drops her eyes to the ground, hoping if the tears fall they'll skip her face entirely and just fall between them into the open space.
"Are you okay?" Robin's hand comes up to cradle her cheek and her resolve crumbles at the contact.
"No, I'm not!" The tears stream down her face as she shoves his hand away from her and tries to make space between them again. Her breathing shakes as she chokes on her sobs, holding her hand against her mouth to muffle the sound as she tries to regain her composure. "I want this! I want what you have! I want what Starfire has! All of you! Everyone down there has someone who loves them. Who will love them." She turns her heated tear-stricken face away from him, dropping her head as her shoulders shake.
"You still have us, Rae. All of us, and you always will. We'll always be a family no matter what happens," Robin assures her.
"Family," Raven scoffs bitterly at the term. "I don't have a family."
"A lot of us don't," Robin crosses his arms. "You couldn't throw a rock in the room downstairs without hitting someone who's lost a family member, Rae. But us– the Titans, are a family."
"Yeah? And what happens when you all settle down? Decide a life of crime and danger isn't worth the risk and you decide to start a real family?" Raven asks.
"I can't imagine ever giving up this lifestyle." Robin grimaces. "This job is my life, and my team is my family. You're my family, Rae."
"It's not the same," Raven sighs. "You know what I mean."
"No, I don't," He argues. "You're worrying about hypothetical situations that are unlikely to happen. I don't plan on changing anything about my life any time soon, and neither does anyone down there, as far as I'm aware. A family, like you're envisioning… is something I don't know that I'm necessarily cut out for. At least not in a way that I'm worried about changing my current life."
"But it could," She mutters, his assertiveness causing her to falter.
"Yeah, but it's more likely that I'll die in a fight," Robin pauses, regarding her in a way that makes her uncomfortable. "Do…you want a family?"
"I don't know," She exasperates. "I want…" She falters trying to consider what it is she's actually craving, her eyes falling back out on the city, the nighttime lights blurring together. "I want to feel loved…and wanted." Her voice feels small against the large open world before them. "I never thought I would make it far enough to have to worry about it so I never did,"
"And now you have your whole life ahead of you, and you're scared you'll be alone." Robin continues for her.
Raven nods, not able to meet his face.
"A lot of us would understand that more than you think, Rae." Robin's voice falls to a more comforting level.
Moving to the pillows and blankets he'd set up, he sits cross-legged, grabbing the mason jar full of punch and pouring himself a red solo cup, before pouring a second cup and offering it out to Raven. She walks over slowly, accepting the offering and sitting similarly to him in the nest.
"If I hadn't had Batman after my parents died I don't know what I would have done," Robin continues, swirling the drink in his cup and watching the city with her. "Even having something that gave meaning to my life, there was a really long time I felt like I should have died along with them like I was meant to." He pauses to take a drink. "When I came to Jump City I thought I wanted to be alone, but Titans gave a new meaning to my life. I found a family I never knew I needed. We all love you, Raven and none of us are going to leave you."
Raven stays quiet for a moment, digesting his words as she prolongs her buzz with the punch. Licking her lips she can't help the faintest twitch of a bittersweet smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth, scrutinizing him with soft eyes.
"Don't make promises you don't know that you can keep," She offers him a forced lopsided smile. "Neither of us knows the future any more than the other. I know we still have years together, I'm sure, but I'm also not stupid enough to believe there will be a time when one of our goodbyes will be final and we might not even know when it is."
"Well that's always been true," He shrugs. "That's just how life works. But we can still enjoy the time that we do have together instead of wasting the time dreading what could be."
Biting her lip, she doesn't have anything else to say. Her arguments are in vain and crying took a lot of energy out of her. Pressing her cup to her lips she lets the liquid stream into her mouth slowly before letting it slide down her throat. The sun had all but set and the night was growing cold along with her body.
"Hey, Raven?" Robin calls her attention gently.
Raven hums in acknowledgment, keeping the cup closer to her mouth to block her face.
"You're a sad drunk," He tells her earnestly.
Raven scoffs, "I'm not even drunk."
Robin smirks, making a noise of disagreement. "If you say so,"
It's not like she was really one to be the judge of sobriety. She'd never had more than a few sips of a drink before tonight, and the odd weightlessness of her body and brain was a foreign feeling. Maybe she was drunk. Whatever emotions she was feeling inside her body were disconnected, not the usual chorus of overlapping rambling but a more muted whisper, ghosting above her subconsciousness like it was tethered to her in space.
Before she'd started crying she had been having fun. The alcohol had let her body loosen up far more than she would have sober, especially alone with Robin like this. This felt like a different form of vulnerability, even if she hadn't lost control of her powers it felt like she'd lost control of her mouth.
"I'm sorry I pulled you away from the party," Raven says softly.
"You have got to stop saying that," Robin whinged. "I have fun hanging out with you," He insists.
Raven smiles gently despite herself. "I was going to say, 'I'm sorry I pulled you away from the party– but'..." She pauses, her grin growing slightly as she looks down at her drink and blushes. "I had a lot of fun dancing and getting drunk with you."
She can feel the warm smile he turns her way along with the happiness and satisfaction that pairs with it.
"I'm glad," He responds lightly. "You deserve to have a good time just as much as the rest of us."
"Don't expect me to get drunk every time we have a party now," She shoots him a glance.
"I don't think anyone would," Robin nods.
"I can't promise I'll always have fun at these parties either," Raven continues.
"What if we make our own fun for you? Just between me and you," Robin smiles.
"What do you mean?" She finally looks up at him, arching a brow.
"Well, we both know drunk people aren't the most aware of their surroundings," A wide smirk of satisfaction stretches across his face as he fidgets next to her, pulling her phone from his pocket, even though she was certain he had handed it back to her before they started dancing. Robin cackles mischievously as she snatches it from his hands with heated surprise as she looks it over as if he would have broken it. "It's beyond satisfying to see that look on someone's face. The game is simple– see how much you can steal from the drunks before you're caught."
Raven grins wickedly, the idea sounds…fun. Thinking about their inebriated friends below, stumbling around frantically looking for their missing items. She would have to get creative as their suspicions build and their pockets grow tighter. The blame shifting between each other as they panic and stress more objects continue to disappear. The satisfaction radiating off of Raven would be insurmountable, sitting upon her throne of thievery like a dragon guarding its treasure.
"One point for anything external, like bracelets or accessories or whatever," He rolls his hand in the air trying to emphasize his point. "Two points for anything in the pockets."
"Are you going to play with me?" She asks.
Robin's smile grows wider. "Of course. It'd hardly be fun if you didn't have any competition."
They smile warmly at each other, the silence speaking words of appreciation she could never manage to form aloud.
"That sounds fun," She blushes slightly, turning away from him and looking back out on the moonlit city. "Thank you, Robin."
"That's what family's for."
With a light head and an objective in mind, Raven couldn't help but look forward to the next party.