TRIGGER WARNING:

This chapter contains a brief description of attempted sexual assault.

. . .

7:00 p.m.

It was almost time for Nari's favorite drama, Silent Confessions. It was a short series starring one of Japan's most talented upcoming actors. An actor who, incidentally, was an old crush. She was originally in consideration for one of the female roles. Had it not been for a scheduling conflict involving her album, the two of them might have been coworkers. Unfortunately, things didn't work out the way she had hoped, but that didn't stop her from showing her support by tuning in every week.

Her head peeked around the corner into the room from the kitchen, peering at the television screen. They were still airing commercials. An advertisement for a fast-food chain had just ended, transitioning into a face she knew all too well. Smiling into the camera, her azure eyes captured the audience. From her mouth were lyrics she had practiced countless times in the studio, clipped into a shortened edit for the marketing campaign. A teaser for the title track of her upcoming release.

Shaking her head, she moved back into the other room, wiping her hands with a dish towel. Nari hated seeing herself on screen. Her hand absentmindedly tapped the switch, stopping the timer for a simmering rice cooker on the counter. Grabbing a grater, she shredded some ginger into a large bowl, mixing it together with the garlic and soy sauce. If she moved quickly, she would just finish in time. Satisfied with the proportions, she placed the grater back on the island and made her way to the stove, twisting the knob and watching the flames lick the side of the pan.

She gathered a pair of plates from the cabinet while it heated, moving them into the other room before returning to her work. Slicing the scallions, she ran over her script in her head for the twentieth time, hoping to any god that would listen that it would work. If she were lucky, all would go according to plan. If she caught him in a good mood, then their conversation may blow over smoothly without too much conflict. If not… well, she would have to cross that bridge when she got to it.

At the sound of an opening door, she paused with bated breath. He was home. Nari remained silent and continued, grabbing a bottle of vegetable oil for her pan. Movement reached her ears from the entrance way. The removal of shoes and the hanging of a coat. The uneven footsteps padded across hardwood, and it brought a feeling of dread. He had been drinking again. So much for smooth sailing.

The sound of his voice confirmed her suspicions, with the slightest hint of a slur to his syllables. "Luna, you in there?"

A deep breath gave her strength before she called back. "In here." She continued her movements, grabbing the mixing bowl and vegetables from their resting places and setting them beside the pan. Her eyes never left the cooking area, even as the sound of his footsteps approached from the open doorway.

"Luna! There's my star."

"You don't need to call me that here… call me Nari."

Her request was ignored. "You're number one on the charts again this week! The company is celebrating."

"I can tell," she muttered. The smell of soft smell of sake told the tale. Lovely. Just fantastic. Squaring her shoulders, she readied herself. 'Here goes nothing…'

"Listen, Yamagata, there's something we need to talk about."

"Hmm?"

His footsteps drew closer across the flooring, stopping inches to her posterior. Nari halted her steps to allow him passage, pouring a small spiral of oil into the pan. When they didn't continue on, she paused, wondering why he wouldn't go. Instead, she felt pressure on the top of her head, a soft inhale through her navy hair. Her lips pulled into a grimace. "What are you doing?"

"Luna, you should be happy. I know I am… You're a national success. This is just what you wanted."

'This is what you wanted,' she thought silently to herself, stepping to the side to create some distance between them. Her movements were halted, a firm grip on either side of her waist holding her in place. Her grimace morphed into a frown of utter distaste when he pressed against her. She could feel just how 'happy' he was pressing against her back. So, it was to be another one of those nights again.

When she didn't answer, he continued forward. Leaning down, he pressed a soft peck against the side of her neck. "Come on, this is wonderful news… we should celebrate."

"I'd rather not," she replied. Her grip tightened on the bottle, grounding her as she fought to keep calm. Her free hand firmly gripped his own, pushing it off her. With some movement regained, she returned to her task, grabbing a bowl of chopped seasoned pork from the counter. "Yamagata, please. This is important. I —" Her body shuddered unpleasantly when she felt his lips against her skin again. "Please, stop." She tried her best to ignore it, dumping the bowl into the pan. The meat sizzled on contact, wafting an intoxicating scent into the air.

Her request was once again, ignored. Instead, the response was more persistence, grip tightening and lowering to her hip. "I said, stop," she tried again, more forcefully to convey her displeasure. Then, her world suddenly turned as she was spun around, a firm grip on her wrist. Startled, her fingers loosened, letting the empty bowl slip through and fall to the floor with a loud crack. She flinched as the glass broke across the floor, feeling his grip tighten on her arm. "Yamagata —"

"What is wrong with you tonight?"

"Nothing is wrong with me. I told you, there's something I need to — let go." Nari yanked, trying to free herself from his grasp. His grip only tightened.

"Why are you acting like this? I thought you would be happy. Your album's upcoming release has sold out pre-sale. You have signs lined up across the country, and the company's ready to launch —"

"I want out," she interrupted, finally mustering the words. He stared at her, eyeing her with a hardened gaze. "I… I'm not doing the tour. I'll do one last concert in the city, and then I'm finished." Her eyes stared defiantly up at him, resolve hardening in her heart. That's right. She would agree to one last show. A show that, for her, would prove the most special. It had been sold out for months, with the exception of two tickets, which she had procured specifically for a very special guest, and whomever she chose to bring with her. It would be her sister's first performance… and her last.

There was a moment of silence between them, the air growing heavy as they stared one another down. Yamagata was the first to break it. "You will do the tour, and you will do it with the approved costume changes. Then, you will start work on your next single for —"

"No, I won't," she refused. "I found a clause in the contract, Yamagata… and I'm invoking it after the concert. It's over."

Her manager stared at her for a few moments, taking in her serious expression. Then, he chuckled. "And where exactly do you plan to go? You realize if you do this, you will lose everything." She would. Even her housing was in the company name. And he would ensure that she never worked another day in the industry again. She would be lucky to even get a photoshoot.

"I'll go home."

"Home?" he sneered. "You'll go home?"

"That's right. To my family."

"What family? The one you abandoned when you decided to take this career path? What, you think they will just welcome you back with open arms? A daughter who isn't even —"

"Shut. Up." She hissed.

Her anger only seemed to fuel him. He had hit a nerve, he knew. " And what about after they learn the truth? Heh… so naïve."

Nari scowled, forcing back the fear that threatened to service. He was isolating her again. She had prepared for this. She wouldn't let him; he wasn't going to force her into compliance this time. "I don't know, Yamagata… I don't know. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. But I'm not getting back on that stage after the show. I'll just… I'll figure something out. Whatever happens." There. She had said it. It was finally done. She would deal with the consequences when she returned home, disgraced but with her mental health and dignity somewhat intact. She hoped they wouldn't be too disappointed in her. She hoped that — "Ah…"

Nari's face twisted in discomfort, his grip around her skin threatening to bruise. "Such insolence. I guess you've got it all figured out, don't you? You're just going to waltz out of here to a family that may or may not accept you. Settle in with a stable career as a salaried woman. I wonder how far idol will go on your resume." Nari growled. She had prepared for this as well. Whenever his mind games didn't work on her, he would switch tactics, using fear to garner her submission. She held steady, refusing to back down.

"Let go of me, Yamagata. I… I'll —"

"You'll what? Try it, I'll see to it you never work a day again in your life, Nari Kusanagi. You'll spend of your days sweeping the stairs of your shrine. I made you from nothing… and I can return you to what you always were… nothing."

"I don't care!" she snapped. "Do it then."

"Unbelievable." Nari yelped, fighting uselessly against his grip. "I've given you everything. Fame, fortune, a purpose beyond organizing slips and offering prayers."

"That wasn't what I —"

"So arrogant. So ungrateful," he growled.

"I'm not ungrateful!"

"Then, act like it."

"Let me go!" Nari struggled against him, yanking her arm to no avail. His grip was like a steel trap, holding her in place like a small child. She knew what would happen next. The same as every other time he flew into one of his moods. But she wasn't going to let him have his way without a fight. Not tonight. Not ever again. She was tired. She was so, so tired.

Enraged at her defiance, Akihiro lifted his other hand. Her own raised, gripping the bottle to strike him, but he thwarted her, grasping her flailing wrist. Oil flew everywhere as the pair struggled, Nari for her freedom and her manager to subdue her. It was a losing battle, even more so when she stepped backward onto the slippery floor. Her feet flew from under her, sending her crashing to the floor below and bringing her assaulter right along with her.

The bottle tumbled from her hand as she fell, shattering along the ground with the broken bowl and sending shards in every direction. Glass dug into her shoulders and back, drawing blood as she flailed beneath him. A desperate cry escaped her, arm breaking free from his grip as he focused his attention elsewhere. Her hands pressed miserably against his chest, trying to push him away. It was no use. She was no match for his weight. She could no more move him than she could a semi-truck.

Her hope was waning, her will eroding, kicking her legs when she felt cold hands against her pelvis, fumbling with her shorts. She fought with all her strength, praying, hoping, for something, anything that could help her; grabbing at anything she could reach. Screaming, she pushed forward. "Get off me!"

Her prayers were answered.

For a few moments, she continued thrashing beneath him, a bundle of arms and legs. Then, she slowed as she noticed something was wrong. Suddenly, his body felt lighter against her; easier to move. More accurately, she realized, that he was no longer pinning her. He was motionless, the only sound from him a quiet groan. "…Yamagata?" she called nervously, lifting both — now free — hands to press him. When she felt cool liquid press back, she froze.

Then, she was in motion, shoving against him with all her might. He rolled off of her, hitting the floor with a wet thump. Sitting up, she was able to see the substance she felt, as well as the color. Red. It covered everything; her hands, her shirt, the floor, and most importantly…

"Yamagata!" Nari shrieked, scrambling to her knees at the sight of him lying on the floor in a growing pool of his own blood. A piercing hole tore through his chest and a small stream of red fell from his mouth to the floor. She looked down at him in horror, and his eyes gazed back at her, unseeing. "Holy shit… oh… oh gods…" she stumbled backward, her back hitting the side of the island as her mouth fell open. Yamagata was dead. And it was her fault. And very quickly she realized that she was now alone in his home with his body. What was she going to do? What was she going to say? Should she call the police? What would she tell them? She didn't know.

And within moments, her situation only grew worse.

With the adrenaline slowing down, the smell of burning oil reached her nose. Then, it quickly changed to smoke. In her struggle with Akihiro, she had neglected to turn the heat back down. Looking upward, Nari watched in horror as the vegetable oil from the pan, popping with burning pork, hit the open flames. The embers caught, spreading across the stove top within seconds. Her body moved on its own, quickly scrambling across the floor to try and stand to put out the flames. Her feet slipped on the floor, sending her flopping back down, chest first on her manager's body.

Her eyes met his blank ones sending her throwing herself backward with a scream. Grabbing hold of the island, she managed to get to her feet, turning around to assess the damage. Her awful night had turned into a full-blown nightmare. The fire had spread, feeding off the spilled oil. It covered the stove top and the counter, the cabinets — including the one containing the baking soda — and was quickly moving to the floor. Her only hope of smothering the fire was now also up in flames. And if she didn't move away, she would be too.

The decision was made for her, a large pop of oil flying from the pan and splashing against her collarbone. Nari shrieked, wiping away the boiling oil from her skin. She could almost smell the flesh searing beneath the sizzling fluid, leaving what would undoubtedly be a nasty mark.

Staggering, Nari backed away from the growing heat, looking around the room for anything she could use. For a brief moment, she remembered the fire extinguisher in the other room. But as the flames finally spread across the floor, blocking her path, that too was no longer an option. The sound of popping oil sent her running from the room and into the next, turning to see the entire kitchen up in flame. There was nothing more she could do.

Shaking her head, she ran for the entranceway, slipping on a pair of shoes to cover her feet. She ignored the glass in her back, grabbing the closest jacket in her reach. She threw it on, wrapping it around her bloody body and tore out the door. By the time she reached the edge of the woods behind the house, the entire building had been swallowed in the inferno. Nari didn't have time for tears, only panic as she tried desperately to come up with a plan.

She couldn't call the authorities, not now. She had already fled the scene of the crime. She was covered from her neck to her waist in blood, there was no person on earth that would believe it was self-defense. No. All she could do now was get out of there. His home wasn't far from the city, it would be an hour or two on foot. No one would recognize her as she was, and she had more than enough money to pay for a taxi. All she needed was somewhere to hide. Somewhere inconspicuous, where the police wouldn't think to look. Struck with an idea, she made up her mind.

Wrapping the coat tightly around her body, Nari took one last look at the roaring blaze. Then, she turned and ran into the forest, leaving her manager, her home, and her life behind.

. . .

Yui sat beside her sister, hands covering her mouth in shock as she recounted her tale of that night. The one that would change her life forever. "It started off so simple, you know? Nari sniffed. "It was an offer I couldn't refuse; how could I possibly pass it up? I finally had a chance to do something good. Be someone mom and dad could be proud of… and at first, everything was fine. I was living as a trainee, writing my music, practicing choreography, and trying out new styles."

"I remember. You used to always keep me updated on what you were working on."

"Right… Everything was going just as I had hoped. I was… happy. Until one day I got in a bit of trouble. Remember, we pulled an all-nighter that one time?"

"That Wednesday after my exam?"

"Yeah… Well, I fell asleep during one of our meetings and Yamagata was pissed. He said I needed to stay focused, keep my eye on the prize if I wanted to succeed. So, I did… I figured I could still talk to you at least once or twice a week. Video chat, text, send emails, no big deal." Nari took a deep breath and continued. "Obviously, it didn't work out that way."

"But what happened? Did he take your phone?"

"Well, not initially… originally, he just — I don't know, he convinced me that you were a bad influence. That I needed to avoid distractions if I wanted to make my debut… Looking back on it, I don't know why I listened to him. At the time, it made sense, you know? He was one of the best in the industry; he has a list of successful stars longer than my arm. And my legs. I knew he was only looking out for me. He had my best interest at heart. So, when he told me to pull away from you… I did."

"That's why you stopped calling?"

Nari hung her head. "…Yeah. It was only until my debut. That's what I believed… but after debut, things only got worse. I became more and more isolated, and he kept taking more and more control. He insisted it was for my own good… all for my career. And like an idiot, I believed him. I believed him when he started making changes, deciding what style of music I would perform. It was in the contract; he was well within his rights… I lost creative control."

There was a brief pause while Nari recollected her thoughts. "But it didn't stop there. My music was just the tip of the iceberg. My new style? That was him. My new outfits, especially the… raunchier ones? That was him. Before long, he started controlling everything… where I went, what I ate, what I wore… it was like… I wasn't even my own person anymore. I was his personal pet. A doll that he could mold as he pleased."

Nari sniffled, picking at her nails as she soldiered on. "And so… as one would expect of a doll… it wasn't long before he started getting… physical."

"Physical?"

"Yeah. By the time I was twenty, I guess he decided I was old enough for him. I was old enough to drink, so he took me out to celebrate with the company. That wouldn't be the last time he offered me alcohol. By the time I was twenty-one, I… " Nari shuddered. "Here's the thing… these agencies, Yui, they control everything. And people like him pull the strings. Whatever he said went. He could destroy my entire career, everything I worked for, with a single command. I knew it. He knew it. I had to do what he wanted. Whatever he wanted."

"Oh gods… Nari…"

"But it was okay. Because he still had my best interest, right? Besides, what else was I gonna do? I had no friends, I cut off the only family I had. And thanks to him, I had basically abandoned my schoolwork. I stopped going to classes… I never had the time. Eventually, I dropped out. So, at this point, there was nowhere left for me to go. My housing was controlled by the company… and because I was generally working and traveling with him directly… it just made sense for me to live with him. So, I did for the year leading up to it. I figured it would be okay. He… cared about me. He was the only person in the industry who did. Or so I thought… and that was my biggest mistake."

"Living with him?"

"Yes. By moving in with him, I surrendered the last shred of autonomy I had. From there, my life became a living hell. I started having problems sleeping and staying focused. I was depressed and exhausted all the time. The pressure was getting too much, but gods forbid I take a day off. Even that was under his control. Eventually, it became too much… I had my first panic attack near the end of my tour. After I collapsed backstage, they decided to get me evaluated. Physically, I was in peak condition… but mentally, I was fucked. They didn't seemed surprised. The life of an idol isn't an easy one. No one even questioned whether anything else was going on. The medication was supposed to help, and it did for a time, but…"

"…What happened?"

"It got to the point where I just… needed it. Like, all the time. I could barely sleep, barely function without it. And surprise, surprise, he controlled access to it. So, you can probably figure out how that went." Nari shook her head. "Now you have the story leading up to how I ended up in that situation… and that night, I… I don't know what happened. I had finally had enough. I was tired. I was done. The second I found a way out, I took it. I was going to make sure you got to see me at least one time before I threw in the towel. Then, I was going to quit. All of it. I confronted him, and he didn't take it well. When I refused him, he got angry… and then, we were fighting. And he wouldn't stop no matter how many times I said no, and that I night I just… snapped."

"And you stabbed him…?"

"I think so. I can't really remember honestly… so much of that incident is a blur. I try to —" she sighed. "It's hazy… like I'm watching it through a foggy window. But I know… I know I did it."

"S-So you're saying… you really did…"

"Yes." Nari turned, grasping her sister's hand. "But I swear, Yui. I swear it was an accident. I was only trying to stop him, I never wanted to kill him."

"I don't understand… Nari, why didn't you say anything?! To me, to our parents. You could have called someone —"

"And tell them what? That their daughter was living a double life, and all the awful things they were hearing about her persona were true?" Nari shook her head. "You guys aren't blind, Yui. I know you heard what the media said about Luna. The disgraced idol. College dropout. Drug addict. The whore who slept her way to the top of the industry, fucking her manager so she could slide to stardom. And I was supposed to what, admit to all of that? That I failed them? Again?"

"You didn't fail anyone…"

"Of course, I did… I failed everyone, like I always do, and every time, it's my own damn fault."

"Your fault?! How the hell do you figure this is your fault? You were trapped in an abusive situation —"

"But I made the decisions that led to it, Yui. I fell for his offer… I signed with the industry, and a contract I couldn't escape. I was the one who allowed him to isolate me from everyone I knew and totally control my life. I didn't stop him when he pulled me away from you. I didn't stop him when he kept pushing me, changing me until I was unrecognizable. I didn't turn him away when he offered me alcohol, even when I didn't want to drink. I allowed him to convince me that he had my best interest. That he was the only person that cared about me. That he… that he loved me. And so, I didn't say no when he… when he…"

"Nari, you were groomed! Gods, I've read about horrible things like this in the industry… that was why I was so worried about you leaving, but I thought they were just rumors. I didn't know it was real, let alone this bad… You were young and vulnerable. This is in no way your fault!"

"But I still did it, Yui… All so I could try and be something I'm not… To see the same look of pride in their eyes they had when they look at you and Manabu and Jun. I just wanted… I just wanted —"

"Nari, enough! Where is all of this coming from? Why are you so convinced that you're not enough?"

"Because I'm not! And I… I never have been. I've never fit in with our family, or with anyone else… I was always different. Mom and dad treated me like their own, but I was always the black sheep, even before you came around. And then… when you were born, I was… I was scared. I was so afraid that now they had their own daughter, they wouldn't need me anymore. So, I changed. I changed my eyes, I changed my hair, I changed my habits, anything I could do to try and be more like you guys and —"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, slow down. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Nari groaned. "Yui, it's simple. You were the model daughter, and I —"

"What are you talking about? What does that mean, 'had their own daughter?' Nari, you are their daughter. You're their first born and always will be. I could never replace you, and I would never want to!"

A tired sigh was her answer. She had let her mouth get her in trouble again, and this time there would be no taking it back. So, instead, she gave in, shaking her head. "…You weren't old enough."

"Old enough? Old enough for what?"

"Do you remember things they used to say…? About me, about us? The whispers about our family?"

"Nari, stop worrying about what those people said, they're assholes. Who cares what they say behind closed doors? Why does any of that mean anything?"

"Because they weren't wrong."

"Of course, they were. They were —"

"…I'm adopted, Yui."

"It wasn't… What?!"

"As far as you know, I've always been this way… You were too young to remember when I started dyeing my hair and wearing contacts. You've never known otherwise. As far as you were concerned, I've always been your big sister and…" she sighed. "We thought it best that you didn't know, but yes… It's true.

Yui stared at her, mouth agape and eyes wide. "I don't… b-but that's… We aren't —"

"No. You and I shared a home, but no blood."

"So, you… you've been pretending? This whole time?"

"I'm so sorry, Yui. I was going to tell you one day, but you were so happy… you looked up to me… you idolized me. When you looked at me, it was with so much love and adoration. You really thought I was the greatest sister in the history of the world, and I just — I couldn't take that away from you. I didn't want to disappoint you. But in the end… it looks like I did anyway."

The room fell silent, the sisters sitting side by side on the bed. Yui stared at her, mouth opening and closing with no words coming out. Her mind was moving at lightning speed, trying to process all she had learned over the past hour. Her sister had been lying to her. About her life, about her health, about their family. About everything. Everything she had ever known… had been a lie. Yui heaved a heavy sigh, placing a hand over her sister's. It was shaking. She could see the fear in her eyes. The pain of rejection. "I love you so much… but you… Nari, you are so stupid."

"Wh-What?" Her head whipped up, staring at her incredulously.

"You thought that that would matter to me? That I would stop looking up to you or think of you any differently? Nari, it doesn't matter if you're adopted or not. You're still the best sister in the world, and the only one I've ever known. You have always been my sister and you always will be… just like you will always be our parents' daughter. Jun, Manabu, or me… we could never replace you… you're you. You're the only you in the world."

Nari stared at her; eyes rounded. "I-I… Yui…"

"You are enough, Nari. You always have been. And I just wish… I wish you hadn't run away. I wish you stuck around long enough to realize that."

Her sister jolted, letting out a strangled sound; something between a chuckle and a sob. If freedom could be described as an emotion, this would be it. Nari felt her burdens lifting, the crushing wight of her fears drifting away. For years, she ran. Searching for a place in the world. But in reality, she had always had one. She just didn't realize it. Yui was right… she was an idiot. A coward, and an idiot.

"And as far as your career… listen I can't tell you what to do, but I will say this. It's okay, Nari. You don't have to hide yourself. Not from me, or from anyone else. You are good enough as you are… so please, stop running away."

"I wish it were that simple. Even if not you, the others won't be so forgiving."

"What others?"

"The others, Yui. Everyone. The people. The so-called fans."

"Of course, they will… Nari, I'm sure they'll love you. You're still you, no matter what form you take."

"Don't be foolish, Yui. Humans… Humans are cruel, cruel creatures. What, you think the Starlights won't abandon me if I reveal myself as a fraud? Have you seen how vicious fandoms can be? They're like hyenas."

"It's… it's true that some humans can be… well, borderline despicable. But I don't believe they'll do that. You got to where you are through your own talent, hard work, and dedication. The other stuff… it wasn't the deciding factor. They'll stand by you."

"And what if they don't?"

"Then, who cares?! You have to be true to yourself. Nari, this is tearing you apart, and if you don't make a change, it's going to destroy you. And I… I can't let that happen. I won't. I won't lose you."

"I…"

"Nari, listen. Tell me honestly… do you find any joy in your life at all? Do you enjoy being Luna?"

"…No." She shook her head with certainty. "I hate it. I hate her and I hate everything she became. And I don't… I don't want to do it anymore."

"Then don't." Yui lifted her legs onto the bed and turned. Then, she leaned forward and hugged her sister with all her might. Every thought, every worry, every emotion she had ever felt, Nari could feel wrapped in her arms. "I will always be your biggest fan… no matter who you choose to be. So, no more running… okay?"

A quiet sniffle was her only response. Then, a pair of arms returning her embrace. All she had ever wanted was the same as everyone else. To love. To be loved… and now, she finally realized. She was. Maybe Yui was right. It was true that the humans who had tormented her through much of her life were awful. And maybe some of her fans were as well. But not all of them. If even one of them felt the same love for her that Yui did, then all of it was worth it. But for now, she wouldn't worry about that. All that mattered now was the woman in front of her.

Her closest friend, and biggest fan.