AN: Well, this is not what I need to be doing right now but alas, here I am. This is a rewrite of a story from 2012. It will have some similarities but some differences. It keeps all of the happenings of the original series except that they happened more recently, and also, after spending some time apart, they got back together, got married etc. Please note - FF has reset e-mail notifications, so please go into your settings to continue receiving updates/story notifications. This is also xposted on A03
Chapter title lyrics from I'm Sorry by Joshua Bassett
I do not own Gilmore Girls or any lyrics used in this story.
the things I didn't say, they haunt me
"Are you sure you aren't paying too much alimony?" Honor Huntzberger-Albrecht looked at her brother as his eyes remained fixated on the silhouette across the restaurant. "No one can naturally look that good after giving birth to two kids."
"Rory didn't get plastic surgery," Logan rolled his eyes, he appreciated that Honor was trying to keep things light as the maitre'd returned to greet them. "I have a reservation for Huntzberger," he stated simply.
"Huntzberger," the mans eyes widened for a moment, "I'm afraid we've already-"
Logan cut him off, "Logan Huntzberger," he clarified and saw the relief wash over the man in front of him. He imagined that if it was his mother and there was a moment of worry about whether or not the reservation was available, someone would've already lost their job. He followed the man through the dining room, averting his eyes when they swept past the table Rory was sitting at. "She's still using Huntzberger," Logan grinned as they sat down, waiting until it was just the pair of them sitting at the table.
"Of course she is," Honor tucked a hair behind her ear as she looked at her brother, "it is a powerful name in this town and she would be a fool not to, not to mention she has two children who both have the last name." She looked at her brother for a moment and hoped that this wasn't going to shift the mood of the night. He had worked late and she had gone to a show, she had to assume that Rory and her date were in the area for a show too. Logan had grumbled of course about having to meet her in the city given that they both lived in West Hartford, but here they were. "How was work? Is Dad still being insufferable?"
"He wouldn't be our father if he wasn't," Logan smiled as the waiter arrived. He ordered a scotch and Honor ordered a glass of cabernet. They would be taking a car back to Hartford together and Logan was excited about that part. He was excited to just get to be for a couple of hours. "How're the kids?" He referred to his niece and nephew. Nate was 9 and Charlotte was 7, they were good kids but Logan knew that they were a handful. He suspected part of that was because Honor refused to rely on help too much. She had a babysitter for nights out, but on a night like tonight, they were home with Josh who was shuttling them from activity to activity and popping a store made lasagna in the oven. Honor did her damnedest not to have people raising her children even if it drove her insane in the process. He and Rory had a nanny who helped facilitate the coparenting agreement, but Rory was there for school drop off and pick up the 99% of the time.
"Kids are good," she promised him, "they are looking forward to the holidays. I can't decide if we should go to Aspen or somewhere warm. What are you doing?"
Logan shrugged, according to the custody agreement this year was his, but they hadn't followed the agreement yet. They had spent their 2 holiday seasons as a divorced couple with Logan sneaking over first thing in the morning and the kids waking up in their own beds. Rory would host his parents and her family for dinner, Honor and Josh would come if they were available. It was just like it had been before they divorced except for the small detail of them no longer being married. At the end of the night, Logan got sent home with a container of leftovers and confirmation of the next time he would see the kids. Of course the first year it was because they hadn't really been ready to tell the kids about the divorce. They were trying to keep it as normal as possible and Logan appreciated that. "Kids would love to see you. Go to Aspen for New Year? I'll ask Ror if I can take the kids?"
"And where do you want to take my kids," Rory interrupted them with a smile. Of course she had only caught the tail end of the conversation as she stood before her ex-husband and her former sister in law. She felt self conscious for some reason. She was wearing a black Michael Kors jumpsuit with a deep v and a mesh panel. "Thought I would come and say hello."
"Honor was hoping the kids could come to Aspen for New Years. Any thoughts on that Ace?" Logan stood up and embraced her. A quick hug, a kiss on the cheek while Honor excitedly hugged her.
"I'm sure we can work something out," Rory smiled. "I should get back," she nodded at the table where her date was sitting. He was trying not to make it obvious that he was staring at her while she interacted with her ex husband and his sister.
"What're the kids up to?" Logan asked, he couldn't help himself from wondering. Two kids in Hartford and somehow both of their parents were in Manhattan.
"They are with Mom and Luke," Rory explained. "There's a thing in town that Riley really wanted to go to…"
"Ahh, yes. I thought that was tomorrow," Logan had spoken with his daughter the night before and she had told him all about her plans for the Christmas festival that was happening in Stars Hollow. "Say hey to Jess for me?" He was trying to be polite but Rory saw right through it, rolling her eyes as she said goodbye to Honor and returned to her own table.
"Why didn't you fight?" Honor asked sadly. Their drinks were in front of them and she couldn't quite imagine how the two beautiful people she had just been with didn't work out. They had loved each other so much, they had loved each other through so much…but somehow her idiot brother had just accepted it when Rory said it was over. "You should've fought."
Logan took a sip of his drink, swirling it in the glass for a moment before he responded. "When your wife looks at you and tells you the only thing you can do that would make her feel any sense of relief is to agree to the divorce…you do it. I had hurt her enough, I couldn't be a good husband, the least I could do is let her have her life back."
Honor sighed. She hated that they got divorced. She hated that her idiot brother had taken his wife for granted. She hated that there was no awful catalyst, it was just a woman who couldn't do it anymore because her husband was a workaholic. In so many ways she was proud of Rory for leaving, but she hated that Logan had just agreed. "You could've tried to change. You could've tried to do better." She knew from her own marriage that often times just the attempt at doing better went a long way towards making things better. Marriage was not easy, marriage was work, marriage was a partnership…she couldn't imagine how hard Rory must've fought before she finally threw in the towel.
"And if I failed and hurt her? Hurt the kids…look…Hon, I know that it sucks. I don't love it either. It isn't what I wanted. I love my kids, I love my wife, I love my family. But I love her enough to want her to be happy," he nodded to the table where Jess Mariano was sitting with his ex-wife. "I was hurting her."
"You suck," Honor pouted.
Dinner went by easily. A few times Logan would catch Rory out of the corner of his eye, or he would hear her laugh and it would dig straight into his heart. It was all he wanted. All he wanted was for her to be happy. He couldn't blame her for being sick of his shit when they were married. All he did was work. He worked and worked and made it home in time for things for the kids, but then he went back to his office and he worked. It wasn't as if he didn't know that Rory wanted him to cut back. She had tried many times, phone free weekends away, planned date night…she did all of the work, and Logan hadn't been able to give her what she deserved. He had a sales associate from Tiffany's on speed dial and a florist on retainer…the only difference between him and his father is that he wasn't fucking everyone with legs. Logan may have been a workaholic, but he had never cheated on his wife. The thought had never crossed his mind and he was certain that it never would have for as long as he was married. Hell, even after splitting it wasn't as though he had returned to his early college man whore days. He was instead hellbent on providing more than they could ever need for their family, and it cost him his marriage.
"Don't do it," Honor warned as she watched her brother watch his ex-wife walk past them on her way to the washroom.
"I need to ask her something," Logan protested. "There's always kids, and people. I just…"
"There's no stopping you," Honor exhaled. She watched as her brother quickly got up and followed half a minute behind his former wife.
Logan waited. He felt like a creep, of course. Waiting outside the washroom, hoping to grab a moment with a woman he used to wake up in the same bed as, a woman he had made love to under the stars and fucked up against the wall in his office. A woman who drove him crazy and kept him grounded, a woman who knew every one of his secrets and fears…and here he was waiting for her.
"Logan," Rory exhaled, it was almost as if she expected him to be there when she came out. Maybe on some level she had wanted him to. "What are you doing?"
"We never get a second alone," he sighed, digging his hands into the pockets of his black dress pants.
"We're not married anymore," Rory countered, her blue eyes connecting with his. She cocked her head to the side, "what's wrong?" She still knew him better than he knew himself, so she hated seeing him like this.
"Has he met the kids?" Logan asked. "Jess? Has he met the kids?"
"I told you I wouldn't introduce them to anyone without you knowing," Rory countered. It wasn't officially in their agreement, but it had been discussed. They had agreed it would be at least 6 months and both parents would be alright with it. "I wouldn't do that without you knowing."
"I just…seeing you here…I don't know, maybe he was going to spend the night and the kids would come home…I'm their Dad. I don't want someone else to be playing dad to them. I'm was spiralling a bit. I'm sorry, but I can't…I can't not be their Dad. I didn't want to lose you, but I did, and I will not lose my kids," he breathed out. It was as if he couldn't get the words out fast enough and he had no control over exactly what he was saying.
"Hey," Rory breathed. She hated when this happened, it was like she could see the anxiety churning from within him, "take a breath," she put her hands on his shoulders firmly and maintained eye contact, "we are good. The kids are good. In and out Logan," she watched him struggle, this was the side of Logan Huntzberger that no one knew. The side that still struggled, the side that had imposter syndrome weighing heavily on his chest. The side that she had more than once pulled into a room before he gave a big speech and given him pep talks to remind him that he could do this. "We should take the kids to Aspen," she tried to ground him, tried to give him a concrete plan that they could have. "How does that sound? We'll all go, you can take Christian and Ri skiing, I'll sit in the chalet, get some writing done…?"
"You'd do that?" Logan wanted to ask why she was willing to miss New Years Eve with her new boyfriend. "Ace you don't have to do that," he took one final deep breath and shook his head. "I'm fine. I swear. Thank you, but I'm fine."