Gamer4 in. So, five years, huh? Honestly, not too much has changed with me. I really got into some new game series, but don't worry, I'm still the same Xeno-obsessed lunatic I've been since mid-Dungeon of Secrets. Not to say I've had no growth- my love of Xeno led me head-first into the Trails series, which I'm still in the middle of binging. I think we're a bit late for any of its characters to show up here, though. Well, we'll see. Here we go again!

Disclaimer: So, there we were, all in one place- a generation lost in space, with no time left to start again!

Chapter XXIII

Another Out-of-Place Christmas

or

On the De-Synchronisation of Parallel Universes

Mario was alone. A lonely loneliness the likes of which the loneliest of loners couldn't begin to understand. He was, perhaps, lonelier now than anybody had ever been in human history, left to do nothing but ponder his loneliness as he played a trumpet he'd found in the closet. Granted, he wasn't very good at it- he kept getting his tongue stuck in the blow-hole (there had to be a better name for that, right?) and was so focused on getting any sound out of it at all that he was sweating hard with the effort, and the noises that were coming out barely sounded like notes at all.

Why, then, was he even trying? It's a long story, beginning with their very arrival back at the House on Silent Hill (TM.) Uli had been looking at him with a noticeable amount of concern. "Are you okay, dear?" she'd asked. "You're looking a little pale."

"I... I'm fine..."

"Well, if you say so..." Uli conceded, still looking concerned. Abruptly, her brow furrowed. "I'm certain none of you were listening to anything you shouldn't have been, were you?"

"Oh, no, of course not!" Kirby and Meta quickly brushed five years' worth of dust off of their patented 'innocence halos.'

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Link and Peach agreed in strained voices.

",,,,Eh..." was all Mario could bring himself to say.

Ugly thoughts whirled through his mind. Was it true? Was Tabuu really possessing him? Well, Simon thought it, and he knew demons more than anyone else- it must be true! Crap... was Tabuu about to burst out of the back of his head? It wasn't unfounded- that was exactly how Mewtwo had been possessed, back in the day... but then, Mewtwo had agreed to allow Tabuu into him- Mario didn't recall ever striking such a bargain! Then again, Tabuu was just about the most powerful smasher in the world, aside from the Master Hand... if anyone could perform a non-consensual possession, it would be him.

His nerves seemed to show on his face, because when they finally got back, Uli crossed her arms, the concern back in place, and lowered a hand to his forehead. "Your temperature seems to be dropping a bit... are you sure you're okay?"

"I mean, it's probably going down to normal, if anything," Mario bullcrapped really quick. "Pyromancer and all, I'm usually over a hundred degrees."

"Celcius or Farenheit?"

"Eh, doesn't really matter. I'm sure I just need a little rest."

"If you're sure, dear..."

He was sure. He rushed up to his room and shut the door behind him.

What to do, what to do?

He couldn't sleep, that much was for certain- sleeping would just be giving Tabuu what he wanted. He opened the closets and began foraging around for something to keep him awake. The first item of interest he happened to come across was the brass wind instrument in question. It wasn't his first choice, but he was too exhausted to search for anything else, so he leaned back in his bed, put it to his lips, and began (struggling) to play. The results were, as we've already indicated, mixed.

He was on his own, he knew that. Nobody would want to be around him when there was a chance of him suddenly going crazy and murdering them all. None of them wanted to even speak to him anymore...

There was a series of rapid footsteps from just outside the door before it flung open, revealing a widely-grinning Link. "Hey, Mario, whatcha doin'?!"

Mario's head swung up, the trumpet still in hand, and he yelled "GETTHESMEGOUTTAMYROOM!"

"What?" Link blinked in apparent confusion.

"GETDASMEGOUTTAMYROOM!"

"But this is my room t-"

"GETDASMEGOUTTAMYROOM! AHHHH! AHHHH! AAAARRRAAAAAHHHH!"

Link, taken aback by his best friend's screaming and flailing, slowly edged his way out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind him.

Alone again, Mario returned to his trumpet. Yup, there ya go... nobody wants to be around me when I might suddenly turn into a dry bones...

"Truly a pitiful display."

Mario almost went through the roof at the sudden voice. He looked around rapidly for the source, before locating a stretch of canvas along the wall, and contained therein... Berkut, one of the former Smash Mansion headmasters memorialized in the Master Hand's office. "I really do hate children, you know. Entitled little brats." Spoke Berkut. Of Fire Emblem Echoes fame. Causing anybody who'd played said game to go into an epileptic fit.

Mario, however, had not played that particular title, so only crossed his arms and said,"Well, you chose a great career to go into in that case, didn't you?"

"Spare me," Berkut sneered. "I didn't come to be lectured by one with so much less experience than I, Berkut."

"Mind spilling why you did come here, then?"

"I assure you, I, Berkut, would not have come if it hadn't been explicitly ordered by the Master Hand-"

"-and backed by threats from Nia?" Mario guessed.

Berkut flinched imperceptibly. "Any dialogue that passed between me and that furry is between that furry and I, Berkut."

"...You're not gonna stop referring to yourself that way, are you?"

Berkut's eyes flashed. "I'm sure that I, Berkut, have no idea what you are talking about."

Mario heaved a sigh. "Okay, for real, why did you come here?"

"The Master Hand requested that I deliver a message."

"He did?" Mario perked up. "Well, don't keep me waiting- what did he say?"

"Well, it seemed he believed you may find yourself tempted to run away from this place."

"Nope," Mario shook his head. "That thought hadn't even crossed my mind."

"It hadn't?" Berkut blinked. "That's odd, the Master Hand is usually correct about such things. You're sure you weren't considering leaving this house?"

"Nope."

"Not even a little?"

"Not even a little."

Berkut's eyes narrowed. "You're lying."

"I promise I'm not."

"Surely that addled Nintendo brain of yours has come to the conclusion the only way to protect your friends is to leave the house before you are possessed again and forced to kill them!"

"Well..." Mario blinked. "Now that you say so, I suppose-"

"HA! I KNEW YOU WERE CONSIDERING IT!"

"Yare yare daze," Mario grumbled, adjusting his hat. "Alright, you got me, I was considering running away."

"Well, the Master Hand says not to."

Mario's eye twitched. "He does, does he?"

"Indeed. He insists you stay right where you are."

A headache was pounding against Mario's skull. He was tired, hungry, and scared, and this guy was really not helping. "Okay... pray tell, why did he feel the need to send some big-headed old noble to tell me not to do something that I wasn't considering doing in the first place?!"

"You've already admitted you were!"

Mario met Berkut's gaze steadily, and slowly raised the trumpet back to his lips. This time, he was intentionally playing as badly as possible, causing Berkut to flinch.

"Cease that abhorrent music! I, Berkut, order you to cease!"

Mario paused just long enough to say, "Why not just go back to the Hand?"

"He ordered me to keep an eye on you!"

Mario paused again. "I miss the part where that's my problem."

The next hours were spent by Berkut first ordering, and eventually pleading with Mario to stop, and Mario refusing to stop for anything. It only ended when he eventually spent a little too long on one long blow and collapsed, breathless and unconscious, into his bed.

XXXX

Hallways. Endless, twisting hallways. Dingy yellow wallpaper to black marble streaked with grey. And there it was, the smooth, black door that Rusl Faron had fallen asleep against, behind which lay everything he desired... He reached out and touched the smooth black wood of the door...

XXXX

Mario awoke, his hand in the air, and looked around his room. Link's bed was still empty, and it looked like Berkut had decided to return to his painting at the Mansion, the Master Hand's orders be damned.

His scar hurt- he raised a gloved hand to rub vigorously at it, but it proved less effective than trying to rub away a brainfreeze. That intense light wasn't helping...

Intense light?

Mario looked to the foot of his bed and his jaw dropped in horror. Crouched there was a man made of shining light, mixed yellows and blues and reds, obscuring much of his features aside from that protruding forehead and that wide, manic grin. The memory returned to him:

Aren't you scared of me, Mario? Mister wonderful Mario?

The man began to climb over the end of the bed, reaching out for him.

"I... want to taste... through your mouth..."

Mario pulled back as far as he could...

XXXX

And woke up to a grunting snore. He sat bolt upright in his bed, drenched in sweat. He looked quickly around. Tabuu was gone. There was only Link, fast asleep in his own bed, and- to his mixed relief and annoyance- Berkut, slumbering in his own frame- or, at the very leasat, putting on a good show of it. On the one hand, the idea of the Master Hand sending such a winnicott to watch over him really rubbed him the wrong way- on the other, perhaps he would be able to sleep, knowing that any attempted possession would be immediately reported to the Master Hand. Still, if that was what he was going to see when he fell asleep, perhaps he didn't want to enter the realm of dreams regardless.

XXXX

The next day saw most of the house's residents going around putting up Christmas decorations- they were either cruel or kind enough to leave Mario alone throughout. He could still hear them, though- especially Roy. It seemed his godfather's mood was the polar opposite of his own- from the sounds of things, he was skipping down the halls, all while singing various carols at the top of his voice. That... did bring a small smile to Mario's face. He certainly didn't like imagining Roy all alone with only that decrepit old yoshi on Christmas.

Then again, it wasn't like he was participating- he remained in his room, looking out at a window that looked like it was about to snow. He shuddered. He didn't care for the snow in Silent Hill- for some reason, it always looked more like ash.

Around noon, he thought he heard Uli attempting to call him down- he only rolled over in his bed, shifting his weight a little. Both his legs were beginning to ache, but he refused to leave this room and potentially end up killing one of the few friends he even had left in this world gone mad.

At six, as the sun began to dip well below the horizon, the doorbell rang, instantly causing Sonia Reed to commence her shrieking. Mario rolled over again- none of his business. Probably another member of Philanthropy checking in.

Then someone tapped out 'Shave and a Haircut' on his door.

"Go away!" he called. "We don't want any lemonade, girl scout cookies, or boy scout popcorn!"

"What about very old friends?" came a feminine voice before the door was opened regardless.

Mario blinked at the blond girl with the long ears on the other side.

Mario stared. "Zelda?"

Zelda smiled. "One night, or five years? It's hard to tell sometimes."

Mario smiled, and rose from his bed as if to hug her, but then pulled away. "No, no, nonono, you shouldn't be here!" Something clicked in his mind. "Wait, you really shouldn't be here- weren't you going on vacation to... somewhere or other? It's been five years, I can't remember exactly where."

"It was Hawaii," Zelda reminded him. "But... eh, seven out of ten. Too much water."

Mario rolled his eyes. "You did not just say those words."

Zelda glanced around furtively, and leaned close. "I'm... scared of deep water," she admitted. "I was kinda looking for an out, and when I told my parents I had a friend in need, they let me come back to the mainland." She turned bright red. "Don't tell Link."

Mario mimed zipping his lips shut.

"Okay, now we can go in," came another voice, and Mario looked up to see Peach leading Link into the chamber.

"Don't understand why I had to stand five feet away with my ears plugged," Link was grumbling.

Peach ignored him. "I brought sammiches!" she smiled at Mario as she lowered a plate onto the empty bed. "Mom thought you'd be pretty hungry after barely eating anything for two days."

"...Passing over the obvious, and the fact that you just said 'sammiches,'..." Mario said slowly, "what brings you all up here?"

"Your health," Zelda answered firmly, crossing her arms.

"What are you talking about? I feel good- just like I knew that I would."

"Waxing lyrical isn't getting you out of this, Mario," Zelda narrowed her eyes. "Link and Peach already told me you've been hiding from everyone since your trip to Mercy Hospital."

"Hiding? I'm offended," Mario crossed his arms. "You look at me staying in this room all day, playing a trumpet and screaming at everyone who tries to come in, and you call that hiding?"

There was a long, awkward silence, finally broken by Peach. "Well, it looks like Mario's too incapacitated to play the straight man, so I guess I'll have to- yes, Mario, that is exactly what we call 'hiding.'"

Mario flushed. "Fair enough."

"What happened?" Zelda asked delicately. "Did you find out about Link selling your bathwater?"

Mario shook his head. "No- didn't they also tell you what ha- wait, Link did what?!"

Link turned red all the way to the tips of his pointed ears. "You little snitch! You promised you wouldn't tell him if I donated some of the proceeds to SOYLENT!"

"Actually, I said you had to donate all the proceeds to SOYLENT," Zelda glared back at him. "It may surprise you, Link, but fifty percent is not one hundred per-"

She froze when she felt a wave of heat wash over her. She and Link started sweating as they slowly turned towards the pillar of fire before them, growing larger and larger, the silhouette of a boy in the middle, only his cold, merciless eyes visible. "You... two... did... WHAT?!"

Peach smirked and glanced towards the fourth wall. "Ah, yes, my favorite show- watching things go down."

Within seconds, Mario and Link were on their hands and knees, large lumps swelling from their heads as they wept anime tears. "We're sorry..."

"You should be," Mario glared. "Peach, keep an eye out and let me know right away if they try pulling that again."

"Aye, sir," Peach giggled.

"So..." Zelda awkwardly cleared her throat. "Do you two... wanna tell me what happened at the hospital?"

"We overheard Simon speculating that Mario's being possessed by the Great Darkness," Peach answered, cutting swiftly through the noise. "So, naturally, his first instinct was to hide away from everyone. Too bad there's nobody he could talk to about being possessed by him, and could tell him how it feels- nobody in the entire world... let alone in this very room."

Mario blinked and slowly turned to meet her gaze. "Er... I forgot?"

"Lucky you," Peach smirked with her hands on her hips.

"...In my defense, it has been almost a decade."

"Yeah, yeah, blame the author, we've seen it before," Peach waved aside. "Symptoms. Now."

"Well, like I said, I saw it all happen in a dream-"

"You saw it happen?" Peach asked sharply. "You were aware of it?"

"Well, yeah, that's why I was able to tell you all that your dad-"

"Doesn't sound like a possession to me," Peach cut him off. "When George Locke was working through me, I always blacked out- I'd lose huge chunks of time, and just wake up in a totally different part of the mansion with chicken blood all down my front. Have you, at any point, found yourself somewhere without understanding how you got there?"

"Well... no... I was in my bed the whole time."

"Exactly," Link interjected. "You were in your bed the whole time- not down some dark hallway in the middle of Yakestinezia."

"Yakestinezia?" Mario blinked.

"Let's not get hung up on that detail," Zelda butted in. "How would you have gotten there in the first place?"

"Teleportation, I was think-"

"Nicht nein Bahnhoff!" Zelda cut him off, raising her arms in an X formation. "Say it with me, class-" Peach, and, to Mario's surprise, Link joined in her chorus: "You can't just teleport in or out of the Smash Mansion!"

"Besides," Link added, "Ness and I would have noticed. You were in there the whole time, man- sweating, tossing, and turning, but you never left the bed."

Mario leaned back, almost unconsciously grabbing a classic PB&J from the plate and beginning to feast on it, his appetite slowly returning. It seemed, so often, that comfort could only be found in lies, but all these comforting thoughts he was being given now added up perfectly, as good as two and two making four.

"...I'm not the weapon," he sighed, and felt a heavy weight lift off of his heart. "Well... glad I didn't take Berkut's advice to go back to Peach Creek."

"Berkut? That guy?" Link jerked a thumb at the currently empty canvas. "He was trying to convince you to go back to the Smiths'?"

"I don't even know," Mario shook his head. "He kinda sorta talked me into wanting to do it, just so he could tell me the Master Hand told me not to."

"That is one confused painting," Peach shook her head.

As if at the ending of an awful CDI game, they all threw back their heads and laughed.

XXXX

With the threat of being possessed no longer lingering over his head, Mario felt secure enough to rejoin the rest of the house in the Christmas festivities. Leaving his room at last, he found a house changed a great deal from the one he'd left- holly, mistletoe, and ornaments every few feet along the hallways, a large douglas fir blocking the Reed family tree, and a large iron plate fastened over the picture of Sonia, the opposite side painted with an image of Saint Nicholas himself.

Christmas morning dawned, and Mario awoke to find, not Tabuu at the foot of his bed, but a stack of presents instead. Link was already halfway through his own. "Ayyy!" Link grinned when he saw Mario awake. "'Preciate the copy of Last Guardian, I've been wanting to play that! I imagine it was easier on the budget than the disco tent?"

"Slightly," Mario huffed. "Alright, how was Zelda's? Something cool, or..."

"A homework planner," Link rolled his eyes, holding it up. "Go fig- you alright there, Mario?"

Mario was staring at the planner as if in a trance. Suddenly, flames lit up around him as he bounded across the room. "Begone from this place, Satan!" he cried as he seized the planner and began burning it to ash. "The power of the Existence compels you!"

Link blinked as the planner was reduced to cinders on the floor, upon which Mario finally left his warlike trance and looked around. "Um... what happened?"

Link couldn't help chuckling. "I think Zelda didn't think her present through. It seems to have triggered some PTSD."

Mario quirked a brow and went back to his presents, digging through them until he found Zelda's- he opened it to find a planner of his own, and the show repeated- he screamed and burned it to cinders, before blinking and waking up to ashes in his hands.

"Wait... I have no idea what happened... crap, is Tabuu possessing me after all?"

"I don't think that's it, buddy," Link chuckled. "If anything, it's pretty much the opposite."

Mario shook his head rapidly from side to side, before ultimately deciding to just check out the rest of his presents.

Roy and Fox, it seemed, had collaborated to get him a series of books on various Protection from the Evils techniques, dating back to the time of the Bracer Guilds- little did they know, Mario couldn't help smirking, once again rubbing at the flaming wing tattooed just over his heart. It only took a few seconds of skimming for Mario to begin planning out the next few meetings of the SOM Brigade.

The Crazy Hand had given him a game- Bloodborne. Though he was interested, he couldn't repress a shudder, hoping that Crazy wasn't about to ask for help in acquiring any of the monsters depicted therein.

Krystal had given him what would likely have been a very thoughtful gift under other circumstances, but as things stood, the Hot-Wheels size Wild Wing only made his heart ache for the one Fassad had stolen from him.

Link had given him a video game of his own- Legend of Nayuta, Boundless Trails. Good, good- Mario had hoped Link would pick up the subtle hints that this game was the only one he needed to complete his collection of Trails games- like leaving ads for it all over the swordsman's bed.

Uli Faron, just as she had the past four years, had included him in her yearly tradition of knitting all her children sweaters, and wrapped his around a tin of white chocolate fudge. With nuts.

And finally, a portrait from Yoshi that looked like he'd dipped his tongue in paint and used it as the brush. In fact... yeah, looking closer, Mario was convinced that was exactly what had happened. He tried crossing his eyes, wondering if it was supposed to be one of those 'magic 3D images' he'd heard so much about- he hated those things, he could never see anything in them.

He was so caught up in this that he jumped when a pair of bright yellow stars crashed down in the room, from which the marshmallow twins disembarked.

"Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and who gives a crap about Kwanzaa?!" Kirby called bombastically.

"We are making all sorts of progress on this!" Meta boasted, putting down another checkmark in his little black book of people to offend over the course of the series.

"You really are trying to get this story cancelled for good, aren't you?" Mario sighed. "...I can respect that."

The smiles slid off of their faces. "Well... you might not wanna go downstairs for a bit. Mom's crying."

"Why- Rob?" Link guessed, his brow furrowing.

"Yup," the twins sighed. "He sent his presents back with a note saying he can't associate with a basket of deplorables."

"Son of a... well, I guess that doesn't really fit here," Link cut himself short.

"We considered offering her a nice egg in this troubling time," Kirby mused, helping himself to some of Mario's fudge, "but we don't think our particular brand of assistance is what she needs right now. Fox took over- we figure we oughtta give him ten minutes or so before we go down for breakfast."

"Y'know, what's this supposed to be?" Meta asked, scanning Mario's painting. "Some sort of abstract art?"

"Hmm... according to the back, it's supposed to be Mario," Kirby observed.

"Nah, too handsome for that," Meta denied, and cackled as he narrowly dodged a fireball.

"Another check for the book!" Kirby crowed as the twins made good their escape.

Mario and Link rolled out of bed and started getting dressed as the house steadily came to life around them. By the time they opened the door, it was to see Zelda on the other side. "Merry Christmas!" she greeted sunnily. "Thanks for the presents, you two- that 'Secret History of Twin Peaks' looks truly fascinating, Mario, and Link... elixir of a hot-footed frog? How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," Link chuckled, pointedly glancing away from the cupboard hiding a copy of Breath of the Wild.

"Whatcha got there?" Mario asked, glancing at the package in her hands.

"Oh- this is for Bana/"

"Hope you didn't get a book for him, too," Link crossed his arms. "You know we can't have him running to the starmen."

"No, no, it's not a book," Zelda rolled her eyes. "It's a blanket- handmade, not so much as a 'do not remove' tag."

"Blankets are a good gift," Mario nodded approvingly. "Now that I think of it, where does that guy sleep anyways?"

"Under the sink, from what Roy told me," Zelda answered, turning to lead the way down the stairs. "He says the Master Hand offered to set him up with a better room, but he refused- Sonia gave him the area under the sink, so under the sink is where he'll stay."

She paused to throw a glare back at Link, who quickly stopped the 'Cuckoo!' signs he was making and put his hands behind his back, assuming a posture of determined innocence.

They passed by Uli in the kitchen- her eyes still looked a little red, her voice a little hoarse as she wished them a Merry Christmas.

It was somehow even more awkward when they found themselves kneeling next to the cupboard under the sink. "...Should we knock?" Link asked. At a motion from Zelda, he reached out and gave a few taps on the door.

For a few, blessed moments, nothing happened- not just in the house, but in the entire world- nothing happened. For those brief seconds, the entire universe was at peace.

It was broken by Mario. "I don't think he's in."

"Might as well leave it for him," Link suggested with a shrug.

"Okay," Zelda agreed, gently reaching out and opening the cupboard door.

"Gah!" Link covered his nose, and Mario couldn't blame him- the smell from the space beneath the sink was less than pleasant. The only 'bed' he could make out was an indented pile of rags, surrounded by a few of the items Bana had been pilfering over the summer- either he'd hidden them effectively enough, or Roy finally gave up on stealing some of the non-dangerous items. In pride of place was a photo of Sonia Reed, the very woman who'd once forced the yoshi to sleep in these cramped quarters in the first place.

"Yeah, I'll just... I'll put it... yeah," Zelda whispered, dropping the present in the center of the rags before pulling away and gingerly closing the door.

"Looking for Bana?" Roy asked, stepping into the kitchen with a large turkey in hand. "Huh... now that I think of it, I haven't seen him in a while myself."

"I think... the last time I saw him was the night we got here," Mario recalled, straining his memory. "I think you were telling him to get out of the living room."

"Hmm..." Roy looked subtly troubled. "Thinking about it, that's the last time I saw him, too. Throwing another of his fits, I'm guessing."

A dark thought crossed Mario's mind. "You don't think... he left the house, do you? I mean, that he took 'get out of the kitchen' to mean 'get out of the house?'"

Roy blinked, then shook his head. "Nah... I'm always careful to close up any loopholes like that, Mario- don't worry. I know how dangerous he could be, I'm not about to let him off the hook that easily."

Mario still looked concerned, so Roy plopped a hand on his shoulder with a smile. "Eh, I'll probably find him upstairs later, making love to Sonia's undies- try not to visualize that, I'm not sure which would be more disgusting."

Link laughed, and the corner of Mario's lips twitched momentarily upwards. Zelda, however, crossed her arms with a firm look of disapproval.

XXXX

After a morning of fun and revelry, the residents of the house decided to spread the Christmas cheer to Rusl at the hospital. Roy, unfortunately, had to remain on the home front, while Uli called up Simon and the aforementioned Fox for some extra protection. Kamek also stepped in with an Impala he'd 'found' which happened to be much roomier on the inside than the outside. It took some doing to convince Uli that yes, the insides of muggles cars were the same size as the average Smash-Up stadium, of course Kamek hadn't used magic to make it so!

The trip through Kamurocho was much faster by car than by foot, especially on a holiday where most people wanted to stay home regardless. They hopped out about a block away from the entrance, then up they went and through the door into the slot car playground that was actually the central smasher hospital.

Even the hospital had dressed up for the holiday- bright floating ornaments everywhere, a few menorahs for good measure- though a group of nurses were currently struggling to fight off a boy with purple lines all over his body, easily seen due to only wearing pants, and a horn sticking out the back of his neck. He was trying desperately to stick all the menorahs into a sack, screaming something about 'one more god rejected.'

Even Nia had dressed up for the occasion, donning a pink-and-white-striped version of her usual outfit that made her look a little like a candy cane.

The reception doll was gazing at the fight with mild interest. "Not the type of fights we usually handle this time of year..." She turned to Uli and the others as they approached. "Ah, good smashers... what is it you desire?"

One quick check-in, and they were allowed to enter and find Rusl leaning back on his bed just as he polished off the last of his own turkey dinner. He grinned when he saw them, but Mario immediately recognized something... guarded in it.

"Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and who gives a smeg about Christmas?" Meta grinned.

"Another mark for the book!" Kirby smirked as he added another mark.

Uli, however, seemed to have also noticed Rusl's guarded grin, because as soon as everyone had said their greetings, she asked, "Is something wrong, Rusl?"

"Of- of course not!" Rusl denied very quickly. "I don't suppose you've seen Ms. Mizrahi around, have you?"

"I can't say we have," Uli shook her head. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason in particular," Rusl's grin looked slightly forced, as he turned his attention to the presents his kids (plus Mario and Zelda) had brought him. "Oh, Mario, you know me too well!"

He'd just opened Mario's gift of a kit full of power tools.

"No problem!" Mario smiled with one side of his face, while mouthing What are the consequences of what I've just done? to his friends with the other.

Uli was clearly unimpressed with his answer- her eyes narrowed and scanned her husband for any sign of tomfoolery. "Rusl... your bandages have been changed early. I thought that wasn't due til tomorrow."

"Um... did I?" Rusl chuckled nervously. "Time gets away from me lately... same thing day in and out, you know-"

Uli's eyes were boring into his soul.

"Er... just... hear me out, Uli, hear me out!" Rusl patted the air placatingly. "It was an idea Nurse Mizrahi had- trainee healer, lovely young lady, eager to change the face of medicine- she likes the idea of crossing smasher medicine with muggle medicine to try something new-"

Uli's eyes were spitting flames. "So you let her... use you... as a guinea pig?"

If Rusl were wearing a shirt with a collar, he'd undoubtedly be tugging at it. "A little... crasser than I'd have put it..."

"What did she do to you?!"

"I- well, I... I mean... you know..."

"We'll be checking out the gift shop!" Link called heartily as he grabbed Mario in one arm and Zelda in another before making quick tracks to the exit. Peach rolled her eyes and followed, while the twins remained behind with a bucketfull of popcorn, ready to start chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"I wonder what their actual plan was?" Peach pondered as they made their way up through the building.

"Hard telling, since Gamer4 was too lazy to think of something," Mario scoffed. "Speaking of, did something about this Christmas feel... off to you?"

"Ohh, are you playing the Scrooge now?" Link smirked.

"No, it's just... somehow, it feels more like we're coming up on Halloween than like it is Christmas."

"Hmm... something about it has felt somewhat out of place," Zelda nodded.

"I think it's because Gamer4 couldn't be smegged to synch his stories at all," Mario proposed. "His universe and ours are out of synch, and now we can't properly enjoy our Christmas."

"You... really don't like that guy, do you?" Peach quirked a brow.

Mario didn't say anything back, simply raising a hand with five fingers. Peach sighed and conceded the point.

He opened his mouth, likely to continue his tirade, before freezing in place, his eyes wide. When he did speak, it was as if he was trying to move his lips as little as possible. "Back... away... slowly."

"WhyyyyyyyyaaaaaaauuuuuuGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Link started by asking, and ended by hiding behind Mario.

"No... it can't be!" Peach stepped back.

"It is!" Zelda's eyes seemed uncertain whether to light up or fade to black.

Stepping out from a nearby door was a man dressed in a green jumpsuit and odd, pointed hat. His features had changed in his three-year (or nine-year, depends who you ask) absence- he now had a pot-belly and a small, pointed beard- but it was indisputably their second-year (first for Peach, poor girl) Protection from the Evils teacher, Tingle Limpah.

The door swung open as the opening notes to Phantom of the Opera blared from the intercom ("Please ignore that, our DJ is having a bit too much fun again," came the voice of the Doll,) and Tingle stood there with his hands proudly on his hips. "Ah, new friends, new friends! And one of them is a fairy! Excellent, excellent! Perhaps you would like Tingle's autograph?"

"Well, doesn't look like he's changed much," Mario rolled his eyes.

"Hide me!" Link whispered.

"Yeah, I gotcha," Mario nodded. He wasn't sure if Link was so nervous because it was his broken sword in a botched memory wipe attempt that had caused Tingle's state in the first place, or the... proclivities he'd had prior to his self-inflicted mind wipe, but he decided to wait until later to press for any details.

"Are you... doing well, Mr. Limpah?" Zelda asked- it seemed, even after everything that had happened, she still had... if not a torch, at least a lit pocket match for him.

"Splendid, splendid, the Existence is in Pleroma, all is right with the world!" Tingle danced and clapped. "Of course, my father has stopped by many-a time to tell me to grow up already, but why? I tell you, Tingle is the very incarnation of a fairy!"

"Yeah, dream on, buddy," Mario muttered under his breath, once more rubbing at the flaming wing just over his heart.

Tingle produced a pen the size of a horse's leg with the crude silhouette of a fairy at the top. "Ah, now then- how many autographs is Tingle doling out today? Four for all of you, an extra for the fairy boy, and... do you have any friends you'd like to receive this fine Christmas gift as well?"

"We're good, actually..." Link choked out, looking pleadingly at the others.

Finally, it was Peach who cleared her throat. "Mr. Limpah, shouldn't you be in your room, or... something?"

Tingle blinked, and examined them all closer. "Hmm... now that Tingle thinks about it... these new friends all look familiar... have you all met Tingle before?"

"Yes!" Zelda interjected breathlessly. "You... you used to teach at the Super Smash Bros."

"Tingle? A teacher?" Tingle blinked- then grinned. "Yes, that makes sense! Surely, Tingle would do all he could to pass the wisdom of the fairies on to the next generation!"

"Yeah, sure, let's go with that," Mario sighed.

"Now, autographs! Tingle will give you a baker's dozen, just to make sure nobody is left out!"

Link was shrinking further into Mario's shadow when another healer rounded the corner- a tall woman with long, braided brown hair. "Oh, there you are, Tingle! We wondered where you'd gone! Oh- you have visitors! That's very nice!" Her eyes turned downwards as she addressed the teens. "This poor darling never gets visitors, you know, it's nice that he finally has some on Christmas!"

She looked so hopeful that even Link grabbing fistfuls of his overalls was enough to dissuade Mario. "Yare yare daze... sure, we'll spend some time with him."

"Traitor!" Link hissed.

"Look, we'll step in, say hi, take his stupid autographs, and get back to your parents quick as we can."

"Come along!" the healer (her nametag read 'Cecile Neues') clapped her hands and turned to lead them down the hallway. They weren't too far before she took an abrupt left into the Takuto Maruki ward. "One of our closed wards- not because the patients are dangerous, you understand!" she quickly amended. "Well... to others. They are pretty dangerous to themselves... take Tingle, got hit by a bad memory wipe, still forgets who he is three days a week."

Mario took a look around the ward- yup, this is what he'd imagine a ward whose residents weren't expected to leave to look like. Far more personal effects around here than anyone in Rusl's room, that was for sure. Tingle had a bookshelf decorated with pictures of himself, and carrying multiple copies of all the books he'd written.

There was also a man with well-kept greyish hair and a pair of rectangular glasses in a bed of his own- a look at the potted plant on his bedside table and a quick recall of the previous chapter led Mario to believe this was Turner Grey- a name that he couldn't help feeling he'd heard even earlier than that.

Tingle reached into his sidetable drawer, produced a novel's worth of photographs, and began dashing his name off on one after another using that horse-sized pen. "One for the blond girl... one for the fairy boy... one for the other blond girl... another for the fairy boy... one for the moustache... one for the fairy boy..."

Next to the windows at the far end of the ward was a pair of beds concealed behind purple curtains, behind which were lowered voices- just as Mario noticed them, they peeled open and Mario's heart leapt into his throat.

"Thanks for the autographs, but weoughttabegoingnow,kthxbai!" Mario tried to get everyone to leave, but Tingle waved his hands.

"Slow down, eager Mcbeaver! You'll have all the autographs you could want in-"

"Luigi?!" Link gasped, causing Mario to wince- exactly what he'd been trying to prevent had transpired. Zelda, Link, and Peach had looked across the room and seen Luigi Luigi stepping out, alongside his purple-haired grandmother.

"Oh, Ms. Katsuragi, leaving already?" Cecile turned to look as well.

Mario's wince was nothing to Luigi's reaction to being seen. He jumped almost through the ceiling, began trembling, and pulled down on his green cap as if hoping it would swallow him up.

"Whatcha doin' here?" Link greeted, seemingly attempting to temper this panic with friendliness.

"Oh, friends of yours?" his grandma spoke, taking them all in.

"...Eh..." Luigi looked like he was seriously considering diving out of the window. He was turning redder than anything Mario was wearing, and couldn't look any of them in the eye.

"Oh, yes, I recognize all of you," the old woma smiled, holding out a hand that Mario shook, still keeping his gaze on Lu. "I know about you- Luigi told me all about being friends with Mario Mario. A lot of celebrities can get big heads..." (She glanced meaningfully in Tingle's direction, who seemed to notice nothing,) but Luigi always spoke very highly of you."

"Er... glad to hear it."

"And of all of you as well!" Ms. Katsuragi turned towards the others, who were starting to look equally wrong-footed. "Ms. Hyrule here in particular!" She clapped a hand on Zelda's shoulder, who looked very awkward with the gesture. "Helped him out of a few nasty spots, haven't you?"

"Er... my duty as... a Nintendo?" Zelda gave an uncomfortable smile and shrug.

"Yes, yes... a very fine boy, but not quite as smart as his mother, I'm afraid to say..." She glanced back at the curtains.

Mario once again internally cursed Link's lack of any verbal filter as he burst out, "Wait, waitwaitwaitwait... that's your mother down there, Lu?"

Ms. Katsuragi frowned. "Luigi... don't tell me you haven't told your friends about your parents!"

Luigi, if it were possible, pulled even further into himself, shaking his head quietly. Mario wanted to do anything he could to get the boy out of this position, but could think of no way to do so.

"Why?" she demanded sharply. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, boy!"

"I know... I'm not... it's just... I never found the time..."

"Well, now seems the perfect time!" Ms. Katsuragi decided, before turning to her grandson's friends. "My son and his wife had a nasty run-in with even nastier starmen- they tortured the two of them into madness."

She then remained silent to take in the results of the bomb she'd just dropped. Link looked ready to insert his foot into his mouth himself, while Peach and Zelda clapped their hands to their mouths.

"They were hunters... top of their field," Ms. Katsuragi finally continued. "Very well-respected smashers, both. My son... some people used to call him the Ultimate Hope! And his wife... oh, yes, Kyoko?"

A woman had emerged from behind the curtain- her hair was long, shockingly white, and had a single braid on one side. Her eyes were a deep blue... and empty. She was staggering as she made her way towards Luigi, who looked up at her, his eyes glistening. She raised one of her gloved hands and deposited something into it- thanks to Power-Ups class, Mario recognized it as a single hee bean.

"Yes, thank you, thank you," Ms. Katsuragi sighed.

Behind his mother, what must be Luigi's father appeared- his hair, too, was white, with only a couple streaks of its original brown left- it wasn't particularly well-cared for, but standing above it all was a tall antennae of hair, what Mario believed was called an 'ahoge.' He was slightly shorter than his wife, but not so much that he needed to stand on tiptoes to place a hand on her shoulder as he guided her back to her bed.

Luigi looked from his hee bean to the others, suddenly taking on a defiant look, as if daring them to laugh. For Mario's money, that display was the only thing that could make Gamer4's jokes seem funny by comparison.

"I'm afraid that's our time for today," Ms. Katsuragi said. "Come on, Luigi, and throw that bean away- if any of them were good, we'd be able to open our own café by now."

Luigi waited for her to be looking the other way before slipping the bean into his pocket.

The second the door closed, Zelda looked to the others, tears in her eyes. "Did you... any of you..."

Link shook his head. "He... never mentioned..."

"I knew," Mario admitted heavily. "The Master Hand told me last year, but... made me promise not to tell anyone."

"Yeah, I understand..." Peach nodded, gazing after their friend. It was a long, miserable silence...

That was finally broken by the one person in the ward who seemed to have missed the whole thing. "And there you go! A dozen photographs by a dozen! Here you go, and remember, no takesies backsies!"

XXXX

I think I might start recording the progress of these chapters on my profile. Then inevitably be too lazy to update that, as well. Despite our harsh turn at the end of this chapter, I hope you enjoyed, and until next time, don't you dare go hollow- Gamer4 out.