Don't You
Rory stared with a mixture of astonishment and excitement as the kitchen buzzed around her. Christian, Riley, Charlotte and Nate were sitting at the island while Logan and Honor stood on the other side of the island. Honor was cutting fruit while Logan flipped pancakes, seemingly struggling to determine the appropriate temperature to keep the flattop at as he got used to the heat settings on the stove. Josh was in the mudroom organizing the ski bags and her former mother and father in law were sitting at the at the kitchen table seemingly sharing a newspaper.
"I didn't realize there was a wakeup call," she immediately went and embraced her children and then Nate and Charlotte who she was painfully aware were growing far too quickly now that she saw them less often. "Can I help?" Rory looked to Honor who shook her head but handed her a coffee cup. She took it thankfully and walked over to the coffee pot and filled her cup. It was fair to say that Rory had no idea what to do with herself. She was so used to being the person who did all of this stuff, the person who made breakfast and packed bags, it was strange for her to just sit by and watch as someone else did. She could barely imagine a version of her (ex) husband who did all of these things, much less doing them without her having to bug him.
"Dad is done with paper," Logan didn't even look up from what he was doing with the pancakes as he spoke with her. "If you were planning to read it."
Rory nodded and mumbled her thanks as she grabbed a copy of The Times from the counter, smiling as she noticed there were at least 3 other publications sitting there. "So is there a…plan?" She asked tentatively. The kids were all sitting and waiting, pancakes being handed out as they were finished off the griddle. If she had been planning this vacation, there would be a plan. It had always fallen on her and Honor to plan family trips. Logan just showed up, although sometimes it was barely even that. She couldn't decide of it was heartwarming to see him stepping up for their kids, or maybe if it was heartbreaking that it had taken losing their marriage to do it.
Logan turned down the griddle and looked at his ex-wife, a small smirk on his lips like he was reading her mind. "Eggs or waffles, Ace?" He watched as she sipped her coffee, seemingly going over the options as realization fell over her face. "It's Luke's," he told her of the coffee beans he had begrudgingly begged his former father in law for. "And I'll do eggs and waffles. Eat what you like. Over easy alright?" He didn't have a chance to get the final words out before she spoke at the same time as him, "broken yolk." He chuckled as Rory looked at him, a combination of shock and joy on her face that he still remembered the very specific details of how she liked her eggs. He prepared and plated the food in silence before walking over to where Rory was sitting, he took a seat beside her as he slid the plate in front of her. "I'd never forget how you like your eggs, Rory." He whispered, hoping that his sister wouldn't hear because he knew that would be a whole other can of worms, "I haven't forgotten a thing."
The tingling in her belly at the way he held eye contact with her when she took her first bite was unsettling. It wasn't unsettling in a bad way, it was unsettling because it still felt so damned good that he looked at her like he wanted to devour her. "So, the plan?" Talking about the kids, talking about what they were supposed to be doing, that felt safe. It felt much safer than her ex-husband seeing right through her with his puppy dog eyes and knowing how she liked her eggs, the perfect temperature for the thermostat, how to give her the best orgasms and the best way to mix a whiskey sour with the egg white foam and proper ingredients, not the mix that so many bars liked to use. She couldn't think of all of those things because her mind would swirl, and she needed to focus on reality, not dreamland. Reality was this vacation. Reality was the plans for skiing. Reality was sitting at the ski chalet alone with a never ending cup of coffee and the occasional chocolate croissant appearing without ever asking for one. Maybe that last part was a dream too, but it was a safer dream than the tingling in her stomach brought on by her ex-husband. "If you guys are skiing, I thought I would go do some work at the chalet. Maybe I can have lunch with the kids? Charlotte and Nate too? You guys can go do some of that Black Diamond stuff I hate so much?"
Logan laughed, he wasn't sure that any of them could handle the most intense runs anymore, sure they were well beyond the bunny hills, but his years of having a death wish while participating in extreme sports were well behind him. "Why don't you write, the four of us can have lunch," he added pointedly, "and then maybe tomorrow night, we can give Hon and Josh a night off, have a movie night with the kids or something? Nate and Char can hang with us?"
Rory took a bite of her eggs, perfectly cooked as she had expected. "That sounds great," the idea of getting to spend some quality time with her kids was why she had come here, and not feeling like she had to lie about an enormous chunk of her life made it so much easier to say yes to the idea. If she were still with Jess she would be thinking of ways to hide these plans, ways to justify wanting to spend time with her children and their father. But Jess was gone, and she had no reason to explain it to anyone, she could just do what she wanted. "I'll meet you at the hill then?" She wasn't quite sure what to do with herself when after she had finished her food, Honor swept in and refilled her coffee mug, followed by Logan taking away her plate and finishing up the dishes. It was like these people who she had known so well for so long were suddenly not what she had remembered.
Was her memory off? Had Logan always done these things? Sure, he did dishes, but maybe having a housekeeper made it harder for her to see him do dishes. Making breakfast on vacation was one of his favourite things to do, it had been since he had cooked for her at the house on the Vineyard back when they were just dating. She supposed what had really changed was his ability to get away and actually take a proper vacation. Seeing him truly disconnected was a rarity by the end of their marriage. This particular moment though, it wasn't about her, it was about the fact that he was present with their children. She watched as Christian and Riley teased him about who would be a better skier, Christian pointing out that to his knowledge Logan hadn't been on a slope all the previous year while Christian and Riley had kept up with their lessons. Logan assured them that decades of muscle memory would work in his favour but Rory wondered if his age might be a detriment to him, but as she watched them laugh and joke, she chose to simply take another sip of her coffee.
xxx
Finding her at the cafe (if you could call it that) at the base of the mountain at Little Nell was unsurprising. Not only was it where he and the kids had said goodbye to her half a day ago, but it was where she always was when they were in Aspen. Tucked away in a low booth with a coffee, he imagined it was probably her third or fourth of the day, a plate of truffle fries (because they had the best truffle fries here), and her laptop open with a pen and paper beside it to write notes on. He made a mental note to order a bottle of water because whether she would admit it or not, she needed some actual water, from a spring or a lake, maybe a glacier, but not just of the bean water variety. "These fresh?" Logan made himself known as he slid in beside her and immediately grabbed a fry off the plate. "Ouch," he made a face as the sliver of potato scalded the roof of his mouth, "hot."
"Fresh," Rory countered. Her gaze remained focused on the computer screen in front of her as she viscously typed, finishing the thought that had come to her just a few minutes before and had resulted in her ignoring the delivery of the (evidently very hot) truffle fries that she had been dreaming of since she had agreed to attend this trip. "Aren't you supposed to be skiing?"
"Aren't you supposed to be writing?" He fired back as Rory cautiously put a fry in her mouth while he tossed a small handful into his mouth even though he knew that it would burn his throat.
"I was writing," Rory took a sip of her coffee, seemingly unaffected by the temperature of the deep fried potatoes they were apparently sharing. "And then some man came and sat at my table," she looked at the space…the lack of space, between them, "far too close might I add. Then he started eating my food and otherwise interrupting my very productive day. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure when I last saw said man, he had 2 children with him, and now I don't see either of them…so forgive me for being distracted for a moment."
"Mom and Dad are with the kids," Logan explained as the waitress came and offered him a coffee. He shook his head, ordering a bottle of San Pellegrino and two glasses instead, "and a French onion soup," he told her.
"Logan," Rory groaned.
"What, you love it," he answered simply as the waitress eyed the pair of them with a smile plastered on her face. "And we can share, that way it does't bug you later." One of the many things that had happened over the last few years was their shared need to scale back from excessive amounts of dairy. Both he and Rory had realized that while they loved cheese as much as they ever had, cheese didn't love them quite the same way.
Rory rolled her eyes as she took another fry, "so do you think I'm just going to ignore that you left the kids with your parents or…?" Of course Mitchum and Shira were good grandparents, Rory didn't have any concerns about their ability to keep the kids happy, but it was still easy to poke fun at Logan for leaving their children with people who he used to actively avoid being in a room with.
"Well they're doing the bunny hill," Logan explained with a grin, the image of his father decked out in head to toe high end ski gear while going down a hill with a pair of kids was engrained in his brain, "and they've got an instructor with them, and," he looked at his Breitling Duograph watch dramatically, "Honor and Josh should be there with the kids by now. So short of bubble wrapping them and giving them ear protection, I think my parents can inflict minimal harm." He popped another fry in his mouth and thanked the waitress as she returned with the San Pellegrino, promising she would return in a moment with the soup. Logan had smoothly told her no rush and watched as Rory rolled her eyes while the a flush of pink crept up the cheeks of the waitress.
"You're shameless," Rory had long ago accepted that she was in the company of a man who knew how to flirt. Logan could make a woman blush at a funeral or at a kindergarten orientation. His ability to sweet talk himself out of almost any situation had somehow gotten better with age. "And these are mine," she pulled the plate of fries away and ignored the dramatic protests from Logan.
Logan reached over her and grabbed a fry, his body brushing against hers as he did and then he smirked as he bit into it. "How is the book?"
Rory shrugged. She had gotten good at ignoring the e-mails and messages from her agent about when the book would be done. Reminders that they needed to hold onto the success her first book was having amidst some current trend on TikTok where video of Ryan Gosling as Ken in the Barbie movie had been layered over an excerpt from her book about the enormous mental and physical load that parenting had on women while their husbands got a pat on the back for 'babysitting' their own children. She hadn't thought much of the passage when she wrote it, in fact, it was hardly even an attack at her then-husband. It was meant to be an example of the man ways that society has unreasonable expectations for women and mothers, but it sure as hell was having a moment now.
"Writing is coming along," she slowly began closing her laptop as Logan reached for it and moved it in front of him. "It's just a draft," she exhaled. A chapter about the first date she went on after her marriage had fallen apart. About how she had primped and gotten waxed and bought a new outfit, only to end up cancelling when Todd from Bumble was likely on his way to the bar and instead she had driven to Stars Hollow, put on a pair of pyjamas with her childhood best friend and sobbed over the dissolution of her marriage. Even if she had been the one to initiate it.
Logan didn't speak. His eyes danced across the document on the screen, Rory could only imagine what he was thinking as he read the uncut experiences she had in the months after their divorce.
When he finished the excerpt he pushed the laptop back towards her and Rory could see his jaw shifting, carefully considering his words before he spoke. "Todd?" Logan tried to give her a smile to reassure her, to remind her that he wasn't going to hold the book she was writing about their divorce and it's aftermath wasn't going to change the dynamic they were carefully rebuilding. "Todd sounds like the kind of guy who probably still lives with his mom," Logan plucked another fry as the soup was placed between them. "It's probably hot," he added as if they both weren't well aware of that, the waitress had just said it.
"Todd did not live with his mom," Rory laughed as she stirred the soup, making sure the cheese was fully submerged and not congealing on the top.
Logan cocked his eyebrow. He took a long sip of his drink before refilling it from the green bottle sitting before them. "I wouldn't ever judge you for what you did after we ended Ace," he told her quietly, something that prying ears would never here. Their chat would never be seen on the weird websites that talked about things overheard by other patrons. "You know," he sighed, "you know I wish it had ended differently. You know I wish I had been more present, but you moving on…Ace, I hate it and you know I hate it, but you deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who will make sure you know that you are their priority. You've always been mine, but I forgot that you needed to see that in more than our bank account. That's on me. I don't fault you for trying to pick up the pieces."
Rory slowly closed the laptop and focused her attention on the soup in front of her. There was something unnerving about Logan being the only other person to read what she had written. This particular piece was something she had been putting off writing for weeks, she knew the entire chapter, the chapter about all of the firsts. The first date, the first Christmas, first birthday, first Mother's Day after their divorce. It was exhausting, but there was also something so therapeutic, and something remarkable about how far they had come since all of those firsts. There were moments when she had wondered if they would need a schedule to go to watch Christian in sports, or would they need to sit separately at a dance recital. It wasn't what she had ever wanted, but knowing that it wouldn't come to that had been an incredible relief.
He left soon after, once the fries were gone and Rory had sufficiently begged him, reminding him that she did have a deadline to meet and he was impeding her ability to make that deadline. She had texted a couple of hours later to say that she was done for the day and she would take an Uber back to the house. The night had gone easily, the adults had relaxed, books and newspapers strewn on the surfaces, Josh had tried his hand at a few new cocktail recipes while the kids played a round of Monopoly that was sure to end in tears. It was a good night.
The following morning had begun much the same as the one before, but this time Rory and Riley had stayed home, Rory had intended to work, but Riley had declared that she desperately needed some time with her mother and that there were too many boys at the ski hill. Who was Rory to say she was wrong?
"Are you glad you came?" Riley asked. It was the middle of the afternoon and the rest of the crew would be back soon. The pair had gone to town and picked up a lasagna and garlic bread for dinner. Josh and Honor were going out for dinner, and Shira and Mitchum were visiting a friend for the night, assuring the group they would be back the following afternoon. Logan had promised Honor to babysit the kids, and Rory figured the least she could do was make sure there was dinner for them after they had been out all day.
"I am glad," Rory nodded as they worked on rolling out sugar cookie dough. This wasn't homemade cookie dough, although Rory had picked up on a few basics, there were some things that were meant for Pilsbury. "Are you? Are you sad that you aren't getting alone time with Daddy?"
Riley shook her head and giggled as the little girl pressed a heart cookie cutter into the dough that had already been rolled out. "I like this," she shrugged. "And I didn't wanna go skiing the whole time." Riley carefully pulled up the dough from the floured counter and placed it haphazardly on the baking tray before crossing her arms. "YouTube?"
Rory exhaled. It was barely even a question, more of a statement that Riley was done with cookies for the moment and ready to move on to the next thing that caught her eye. It wasn't worth the fight, not while they were on vacation. Riley had spent the day on the mountain yesterday, and even that morning they had gone for a little walk around the property to see the view. A bit of time on an iPad wasn't the end of the world. "I guess I'm finishing the cookies?" Rory tried to slide them so they were all in a row on the pan before she moved on to pressing the dough she had just rolled out.
It was no use, Riley was gone, skipping to her room to grab the device and returning a moment later and sitting down on the couch. It was easy to forget how young she was, it was easy to forget that behind a child who was growing up with privilege and access and a strong vocabulary, she was just a kid. Just a little girl who was learning how to navigate her feelings and her life. She was navigating her parents relationship, navigating new friends and big feelings. All of those things were easy to forget until you saw her seemingly consumed by the light coloured sofa with a stuffed bunny tucked under her arm.
The first car to return was Honor and Josh, the pair had basically giggled into the house, standing up quickly when they noticed Rory and Riley in the main living space and then declaring that they were going to get ready to go and slip out quickly. Riley was oblivious and Rory found it endearing. There was a time when she and Logan would've come stumbling in the same way, and even if that was gone for her, she was relieved to see that Honor and Josh were still going strong.
It was another hour before Logan and the kids came back. Christian, Nate and Charlotte waltzed in with goofy grins, immediately bursting into stories about hot chocolate and their antics on the slopes, while Rory could hear Logan putting away the gear after their arrival. Of course Riley had been upset that she had missed out, declaring loudly that hot chocolate at the chalet was far superior to the Starbucks she had picked up with her mother. Rory sighed and watched as the little girl stomped to her room and slammed the door in only a way that a little kid without much strength could. Riley got her theatrics from someone other than Rory because it was downright laughable most of the time.
"You look beat," Rory smiled as Logan came into view as the rest of the kids ran upstairs to pull out a game that Nate had insisted they needed to play. Logan was dressed casually, clearly he had changed since they were skiing. A pair of dark blue jeans that fit him in a somewhat ungodly way, clinging to his thigh muscles and making his ass look like you could bounce a quarter off of it. Unlike the thick hoodie he had worn that morning when he left, now he was in a cream coloured cable knit sweater that Rory recognized as one she had bought him years ago. She had noticed that he had filled out a bit more since the divorce, more muscle, more time at the gym he had gone so far as to tell her, but seeing the contrast in how he filled that sweater out, there were things about him that were not the same as they once were. Fortunately for Rory though it seemed he had gotten better looking and based on this vacation, he had also stepped up. Really she should be happy, Logan was putting in the effort. Maybe it was too late for her, but it would benefit her children, it would benefit their coparenting relationship, and maybe he would find love with someone else one day and it would benefit her too. It hurt, the idea of him finding love with someone else. The idea of someone else being able to enjoy this man who she had loved for so long. But she ignored it. She ignored the pang in her chest and the warmth swirling deep down in her belly at the mere sight of him.
"Those kids are demons," Logan laughed as he padded towards the fridge and grabbed himself a beer, he grabbed a second and offered it to Rory who declined as he investigated the lasagna in the oven. "Smells good."
"Riley and I grabbed it in town," she explained as Logan gestured for her to follow him to the couch, something about catching up and telling him about what she had written that day. "Figured you might be a bit sore."
Logan laughed, thinking about all of the times that he had come home bruised and broken when they were dating, all of the ridiculous stunts the Three Stooges had participated in with very little consideration for their own safety. Later it was coming home with a sore back from being hunched over a desk all day, or maybe from being crammed on an oversold flight. Even though he was fortunate enough to fly business and private often, he had still managed to find himself in more than enough planes to simply find them uncomfortable at this point in his life. He had trained to run a marathon, that might've been the worst, aside from the Costa Rica incident in terms of pain and body aches. "Always looking out for me."
"Or maybe I don't want to listen to you bitch and moan?" Rory countered playfully as she curled up on the opposite side of the couch from him. Somehow, even if their separation and divorce wasn't new, it felt strange to be alone in this big beautiful house, kids playing upstairs and then instead of being snuggled up against him, she was staring at him with six feet of separation. "How did Christian do?"
Logan's smile grew as he tipped his beer back, "he was great," he beamed. "Might have a bit more Huntzberger in him than we thought because he was fucking fearless Ace. Bailed a couple of times, but kept getting up. Beat Nate down a few times…I think it was a bit of a confidence boost, you know?"
Rory nodded. Of course she knew. School and books and being the good girl everyone had wanted her to be growing up had always come naturally to her. Being confident in her own decisions? That hadn't come until later. "I'll come another day," she told him. She might not love skiing, but she could get by on an easy hill, and she was sure her kids would appreciate it. "I want to see him in action."
The rest of the week would be busy, the following day was New Years Eve and they would spend the day at the house, followed by an early ball drop for the kids (and possibly the seniors), and then hopefully some appetizers drinks for the remaining adults standing.
"Hon ordered food for tomorrow, someone is going to drop it all off but then they're leaving. So it will be nice."
Rory nodded. She could close her eyes and vividly replay the last New Years Eve they had spent together. When they had been grasping and trying to keep their marriage alive, and for a night things had seemed magical. Their last New Years Eve, they had gone to a dinner at the inn, the kids had fallen asleep in the car on the way home and once they had tucked them into bed, Logan had surprised her by asking her to dance in the living room. Of course one thing, one moment led to another and dancing ended up being the frantic removal of clothing and spontaneous sex on any surface they could get to. It had been a magical night amidst their crumbling marriage and even though the first year after they had split, it had hurt to look back on…she was glad they had a beautiful night with family and friends, she was glad they weren't fighting.
"Ace," he sighed, he could feel it, the distance, the pull, whatever it was between them. "I'm really glad you're here."
Rory stood up, the oven timer was going off and she needed to get away from this. Whatever pull had existed between them, the warmth she had felt since he had sat next to her picking off her plate of fries the day before. There would always be something between them. The issue hadn't been love or passion, the issue had been prioritization. "Why don't you go get the kids to wash up," she grabbed a pair of oven mitts and waited until Logan was out of earshot before she exhaled loudly. The lasagna came out of the oven and onto a pair of trivets to avoid damaging the counter and then she pulled out the garlic bread that had been waiting in the warming oven.
"Mom!" Christian came barrelling down the stairs, three quick moving sets of steps coming in behind him and one larger, slower set coming in after Charlotte. "If we eat at the table so we don't make a mess, can you and Dad eat at the island?" He asked as he came to a screeching halt in the kitchen in front of her, he was a little bit out of breath and grinning from ear to ear. "We wanna make a plan for tomorrow."
"A plan for tomorrow?" Rory repeated as she eyed Logan who simply shrugged.
"We wanna make our own New Years Eve plan," Nate explained, "Uncle Logan said that if we ordered anything we needed tonight on Amazon it would come quickly." He paused as he looked from his cousins who were eagerly nodding to his uncle and aunt who were listening with caution on their face. "Please Auntie Rory?"
"They can't eat at the island!" Charlotte giggled as though it was obvious. "You have to eat downstairs or in your room or on the deck!" She crossed her arms in front of her body and looked like the spitting image of her mother. "Please Auntie Ror? We just wanna have a perfect plan! And Mom will be so mad if we make a mess of lasagna on the couch!"
Rory couldn't argue that, she could see Honor's head exploding if she came home to tomato sauce on a brand new couch. "Why can't we hear the plan?" She asked after a moment.
Charlotte and Riley whispered something to each other before Riley gave Charlotte a pointed stare and a little nudge to the front of the group. "We just want it to be special for you guys and my Mom and Dad and I promise we won't do anything bad, and I really, really, really need your help Auntie Rory," she paused and fluttered her little eyelashes for a moment. "Please?"
Rory smiled and her eyes moved between the two little girls who had put on matching sweaters while they were upstairs. "You taught her that one, didn't you Ri?" The eyelash fluttering, the way Auntie Rory floated off her lips…it was like a key to her heart, and if those girls asked for the keys to her BMW, she would probably hav given them to them. Riley shrugged and grinned while Charlotte giggled. "Alright," she agreed as she grabbed a knife to slice into the lasagna. "Daddy and I will go downstairs," she looked to her children and then to Logan, "you grab drinks for the kids, I will plate the food, and then we will be downstairs. Any chaos though and one of us will be up here, and you need to put your plates in the sink when you're done eating and give them a good rinse, ok?"
The kids all excitedly agreed, a chorus of 'I told you' playing between the cousins as Rory cut slices of the pasta and put them out for the kids before turning to catch Logan who was standing in front of her with a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses. "C'mon Ace," he nodded with a sparkle in his eye, "pretty sure there's a season of some crappy TV show I've missed, isn't there?"