Scandal 14

"Whoa!" Gibbs exclaimed, getting to his feet and heading into the kitchen for more coffee. He was flushed red hot. Nate's words had conjured up an image that was better left untouched in Gibbs' brain. More than that, he needed coffee. Or possibly bourbon too. Especially since he still had quite a few more pages to get through. He headed into the kitchen and retrieved the coffee, bringing back the entire pot.

Gibbs had always thought of Tim as a son, much like he did if Tony, Ziva and Abby. In another world, one where his wife and child weren't tragically killed, Gibbs could imagine that Tim and Kelly could possibly have been friends. He may have even been the kind of man she would have brought home. To have an image of Tim like that the, the image that Nathan's words had conjured up. It's felt wrong and he needed to purge the image from his mind. Not that he was consciously thinking about it. The response was automatic reaction to the words. Human nature.

"Tim ... I have noticed something. You and Nate started addressing and signing these emails with your real name." Gibbs observed softly. "What changed?"

"Yeah ..." Tim shyly admitted. "Something fundamental changed in our relationship around that time. It shifted. We were always serious about each other, somehow, it became more intense."

" ... 'It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?' ― Jane Austen

Nate,

I know you love a good Jane Austen quote as much as the next person, as much as me. Yet, in all the time we have loved one another, we have always skirted around this quote. Both of us have never been shy about previous hook ups. But once we got together, we knew that we were it for one another.

The election campaign cycle has begun again, and it looms to see what the wildest story is in the gossip rags or tabloids. To wonder what they will make up about you this time. They quite amuse me, except for when they don't. I know you enjoy it when I scan them and make note of the more outlandish news stories. But I know they hurt you just the same.

I know you would happily come out, if it weren't for me. But know this. I believe in you. I love you. I trust you. I support you. What do you know? I live in your electorate and you have my vote, too. You're going to be great. You will fight hard, and it won't be over until the final vote is counted.

Remember ... "Do your thing and don't care if they like it." ― Tina Fey

"If you want to rebel, rebel from inside the system. That's much more powerful than rebelling outside the system." ― Marie Lu.

HOWEVER ... "A revolution is not a bed of roses. A revolution is a struggle between the future and the past." ― Fidel Castro

The choice is yours.

Yours always, in heart and soul

Tim."

"Sounds like as a couple, you reached that pivotal moment where you both realised you're in your sweet spot." Gibbs advised him, as he topped up both of their coffee mugs, finishing the carafe. "That moment when you realise that neither of you are going anywhere personally and you're both on the right path, professionally. You're happy with everything."

"That's good, right?" Tim asked with a cheeky grin. He didn't expect Gibbs to say in anything in reply, really. He didn't even expect Gibbs to send him one of his trademark smirks.

"It's great, Tim. Not everyone gets to that. I've been there before too. Had it with Shannon too." Gibbs told him. Tim certainly hadn't expected Gibbs to say anything, let alone open up and share that snippet of his life with Shannon, to Tim. Gibbs had always kept his life with Shannon separate from everyone else, never really opening up to anyone. "We celebrated it too. Conceived our Kelly too. That was why we had to get married so quickly. Highly doubt Joanne would have let me marry Shannon if she wasn't already pregnant. She didn't like me at all. She looked down on me, a lowly US Marine, serving his country. She looked down on my father, for owning and running his own little shop. She wanted Shannon to marry Chuck Winslow. She wanted to Shan to marry money. She was always so relieved that Kelly was smart like Shan. I always wonder if they had lived, would Joanne have tried to push Kelly into marrying money."

"Some family members suck, Gibbs." Tim agreed. "Granted, I don't know Nate's family well, but they seem to be good people, based on the dozen or so times we've met."

"Like the Admiral?" Gibbs probed. He thought that if Tim wanted to talk about him, he might open up to him. "It can't have been easy growing up with a parent like that."

"He was never like that before my grandfather died." Tim sighed, remembering that he had been six when his grandfather died and that was when he noticed that his father's behaviour changed. "I was six, my mom left shortly after his funeral. I haven't seen her since. Apparently, she lives somewhere outside of Dallas, in Texas. When the Admiral was at sea, Penny raised us or a string of not nice girlfriends or wives. He married Laurie when I was seven and she didn't stay long. The marriage lasted less than two years. Then he married Naomi, she was gone in eight months. Sherrie was next and they were married the longest, six years. The last one was Fiona, she left three days into their honeymoon. Penny was there in between each woman, but it wasn't the same. Dad took a stateside post, to hang around more. Unfortunately, all that did was teach Sarah his bigoted behaviour and attitude."

"When did he learn that you were ...? Sorry, I don't want to assume your sexuality ...?" Gibbs pondered out loud. "That is... If you want to talk about it."

"Officially, the Admiral still doesn't know." Tim sighed. "I have never told him, and I've known I was gay since I was fourteen and David Hanson kissed me at space camp, behind the observatory. Nate's the only serious boyfriend I've had, but there's been ... casual flings and hook ups but no one since Nate."

"So, you're definitely gay then. Good to know." Gibbs murmured in amusement and Tim watched on in caution for a moment before the final piece of the puzzle slotted into place.

"Oh, your question is referring to the implied relationship with Abby." Tim laughed at him. "Abs paid me fifty bucks to help her irritate and trick Tony into thinking we were together. Nothing ever happened between us. That time I admitted to spending the night in the coffin, was just her giving up her bed for her guest. She was on the sofa. I have never even been so much as tempted and Nate knew all about it."

Gibbs felt slightly guilty about this new revelation. He had always set out to protect Abby, above all else. When he had suspected that Abby and the junior case agent out of Norfolk had been fooling around together, he had taken to making the boy's life extra miserable. "I know I have a rule about apologies, but I think I might owe you a rather large one."

"Don't, Gibbs." Tim admonished him lightly. "I didn't want anyone knowing and I couldn't risk anyone finding out. Your ... protections of Abby, it helped sell my secret. So ... ah ... thank you. You were helping me, even though you didn't know you were."

"No pressure ... but are you going to ... tell the team?" Gibbs asked, hesitantly. "I don't want to pressure you or anything, but I am pretty sure that the team, if they read the emails, they'll be able to work out that it's you. Let's face it, Nate's forced outing is big news, as is the leaked emails. If anyone reads them, they'll know the mystery boyfriend's name is Tim McGee. Then, reading them, seeing he works in a team with members, G, T and Z. It's not a big leap to make in particular circles to you."

"I know." Tim sighed. It was a deep, painful sigh and Gibbs hated hearing the pain in Tim come to surface. It made him want to strangle someone. "I know I can't deny it forever. I ... I'm thinking about telling the team." Tim conceded and picked up the bundles of pages clipped together containing the emails. Tim knew he was effectively shutting the conversation with Gibbs. He couldn't think. He was angry and frustrated. He was hurt. He was scared. He knew that fear was ruling his head. "I don't really have a choice now. Nate's forced outing, is going to force me out, as well."

Gibbs put a comforting hand on his forearm. He could see the hurt in his eyes too. Tim was now going to be forced out, even though he wasn't ready. "Tim ... I. I have to check in with Balboa and Leon. Will you be ok by yourself for a moment?" Gibbs asked and Tim gave him a small nod. He could use the moment to recalibrate himself, mentally.

Checking in with Balboa made Gibbs tense. "What did they find?" Tim asked him, as soon as Gibbs had closed the phone. "Any leads?"

"You know that I cannot discuss it with you." Gibbs looked at him incredulously. "Plus, the FBI are trying to horn in on the investigation, trying to take control and the Secret Service are hovering over them."

"Basically, Balboa's getting railroaded at every turn." Tim quipped his reply with a serious look on his face. "Tell the FBI to keep their noses out of it. Sure, because Nate's involved, the Secret Service are going to be involved. But why is the FBI? It's not like it was an agent who shot up your house, Gibbs."

"I imagine it is because Nate is involved, the Director was there, plus SecNav, the Secret Service and the two of us." Gibbs sighed, frustrated, he looked over at Tim and he could feel the younger agent's frustration. "If I trusted the FBI, I'd stand back and let them have it. It is their jurisdiction. But I don't Tim, not when it comes to one of us."

"Let's not lose our momentum though, but we're cruising through these." Gibbs suggested, holding up the clipped pages at about the halfway mark. The cool breeze had warmed considerably and died right off to nothing more than an occasional gentle whisper. Gibbs followed Tim wordlessly as he saw Tim take a seat at the table in the alfresco area on the deck. He unwound the giant charcoal cotton cantilever umbrella and silently offered Gibbs a seat. "Let's keep going."

Gibbs took in the view that the new location they were seated in, afforded him. He had to admit, it was breathtaking. He could easily see what Tim and Nate had seen in this place when they had decided to buy it, all those years ago. The sparkling crystal blue water glistened off the sunlight and it reminded him fondly of Mike's shack on the beach in Baja, Mexico. Grinning to himself, he remembered from one of the emails that he had read, that the boys had spent some time in Mexico on holiday too. In Baja, to be specific and he wondered if this view reminded them of Baja.

"This view is definitely worth the drive out here, hey?" Tim asked Gibbs softly, noticing Gibbs' gaze out over the water. He couldn't remember the last time that he had seen Gibbs this relaxed, if ever. He certainly was never this relaxed, even when he slept on rough air transport. Gibbs gave himself a moment and slipped back into his agent persona.

" ... 'Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.' - Benjamin Franklin "Bluff" Wade

I am sure you already know (because you've heard this rant before from me) but ... Benjamin Franklin "Bluff" Wade Born October 27, 1800, and died March 2, 1878. He was an American lawyer and politician who served as a United States Senator for Ohio from 1851 to 1869. He was known for his leading role among the Radical Republicans. He had the 1868 impeachment of U.S. President Andrew Johnson (whom my father is named after) and he led it to a conviction in the Senate, as president pro tempore of the U.S. Senate, Wade would have become acting president for the remaining nine months of Johnson's term.

He was born in Massachusetts (like me), Wade worked as a laborer on the Erie Canal before establishing a law practice in Jefferson, Ohio. As a member of the Whig Party, Wade served in the Ohio Senate between 1837 to 1842. After a stint as a local judge, Wade was sworn into the United States Senate in 1851. An opponent of the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 and the Kansas–Nebraska Act, Wade joined the nascent Republican Party as the Whigs collapsed. He established a reputation as one of the most radical American politicians of the era, favoring women's suffrage, trade union rights, and equality for African Americans.

During the Civil War, Wade was highly critical of President Abraham Lincoln's leadership. In opposition to Lincoln's post-war plans, which he deemed too lenient and conciliatory. Wade sponsored the Wade–Davis Bill, which proposed strict terms for the re-admittance of Confederate states. He also helped pass the Homestead Act of 1862 and the Morrill Act of 1862. In 1868, the House of Representatives impeached President Johnson for his defiance of the Tenure of Office Act; Wade's unpopularity with his senatorial Moderate Republican colleagues was a factor in Johnson's acquittal by the Senate, having been president pro tempore at the time and next in line for the presidency should Johnson be removed from the presidency. He lost his Senate re-election bid in 1868, though remained active in law and politics until his death in 1878. Although frequently criticized for his radicalism during his time, particularly as he opposed Lincoln's ten-percent plan, Wade's contemporary reputation has been lauded for his lifelong unwavering and persistent commitment to civil rights and racial equality.

For a long time, ever since I was a very small boy, I have dreamt of having a legacy like Franklin in politics. Effecting a change in our great nation, as great as the change he made. To have an influence in history, to make history. For our country, my grandfather is a legacy unto himself, as my father will be one day too. But what about me? Will I get there? No one, not even my own party will elect a female president, let alone a man who belongs to the LGBTIQA community. There's a longshot one day that we may progress as a nation and elect a female president. But a gay man as president, highly fucking unlikely.

Ironically, Franklin was also a lifetime champion of First Amendment freedoms, particularly freedom of the press. Something, I thoroughly believe in. What I don't believe in is the useless gutter rag tabloids spreading nothing but vicious lies about me and about my family. I am sure that the late, great man himself wrote this after spending the day in purgatory, otherwise known as a day on the floor of the congress. So today, a motion was made across the floor, by own fucking party, to have me expelled from the floor. ON THE GROUNDS OF INFIDELITY!

The gutter rag tabs have concocted yet another nasty rumor about me; one which my own colleagues are believing. That I have a child to some woman of less-than-ideal scruples. NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT I AM AS GAY AS A MAYPOLE AND HAVE BEEN SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN! I need you to read this before you see the sensationalistic headlines in today's papers, BABY. How the hell can I have a child to a woman when I have been with you all these years, in the gayest relationship. Do I really come off as hetero? Because we did some very not hetero things this morning in the shower.

"The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them." ― Rachel Maddow

Sometimes, I dream. I dream that I want to come out, but even my mind knows that I can't. I won't. Except unlike Ms Maddow, they will insult me. Insult you, and I cannot have that. Moreover, everything we have done to achieve what we set out to do so far, will be undone. There is no member of congress who is an out, as a proud member of the rainbow connection. Plenty of allies, more than a few closeted, but no one is proudly out. Homophobia, transphobia, biphobia and acephobia are terms commonly used to describe the fear or dislike or someone, based on prejudice or negative attitudes, beliefs or views about people who are or are perceived to be of our colourful community.

Rigby says they've done polling, and the numbers don't lie. My sexuality is not an asset, it's a hinderance. So, into the closet, I am destined to remain.

"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap." ― Napoleon Bonaparte

You are the ever so much the better, and much more talented writer than I. What is the collective noun for a bunch of stupid people? I am very tempted to take the political line and, for the American people, suggest an Administration of idiots, or a Congress of idiots. The Senate is definitely a clusterfuck of idiots.

On the other side of the pond, the variation would be most likely a Parliament of idiots (applied either specifically for the U.K., or for the wider E.U. and Commonwealth). But I suspect that inferring Politicians are idiots is a little like calling children immature: it is apparently self-evident.

So, after considerable thought, and two large tumblers of whiskey, I shall go for a Drivel of Idiots.

Yes, I am aware that I belong to that group, I will proudly admit that. But I am your idiot too, and you love me for it because I certainly love you.

Your Idiot

Nate."