Author's Note: On my own holiday this week, and dear hubby was willing to proof my chapter. Thank you, dear hubby. Some heavy stuff early on, but the end is very funny, at least according to him. Thanks for sticking with me. MNF

Chapter 17:

New Growth from Pruning

Two days after Harry's therapy session and a day after Sirius's appointment with his therapist, he found himself in his office with Amelia. Harry, Hermione, and Susan were out on the lawn practicing spells. He was able to watch Harry from his chair, although the boy had promised he wouldn't do anything above second year spells without adult supervision. Neville and his gran would be over later to work on etiquette with the four teens and then he would work with them on general wizarding knowledge. He decided to wait until August to start on the future Lord lessons.

"Sirius, I'm not asking you to tell me what you discussed, I just want to know how it went," Amelia pleaded in a gentle fashion.

"It went," Sirius bit back. "Fine, she asked me why I was there, and I told her it was because my healer made me. She didn't accept that answer, so I told her I was there because twelve years in Azkaban sort of sucks. I didn't come out all happy and contented like Harry did. I came out thinking she was stupid, and I was frustrated by it all." To punctuate his feelings, he broke the quill he'd been rolling between his fingers. It was a nervous habit he'd picked up in school.

"Why did you think she was stupid, darling?" Amelia prodded.

"Because she wanted me to close my eyes and imagine I was back at Azkaban. I don't need to imagine it, I lived it and it haunts me day and night. Why is Andi making me do this?" Sirius whinged rather annoyingly.

"Because," she said, coming over to sit in his lap, "while you and Harry have so much in common, it's not the kind of things you can build upon. Abuse, pain, and regret don't make strong building blocks for a parent/child relationship."

"What do you know about it?" Sirius was still petulant.

"When Susie came to live with me, I was running on fumes and revenge. You can't build love out of either of those things. Once things settled some, I went to therapy and took some time off. Susie needed me to focus on her, she was just a baby who had lost her parents. Had you and I been together, we would have worked with Harry and Susie together, and gone to therapy too. We both lost the siblings we loved and were suddenly parents to children who lost their mum and dad. Consider it a bit delayed in your case."

Sirius scrubbed his hands across his face. "Don't talk to me about parenting skills. All I know is what not to do from the fine pair who gave birth to me. Don't hit your child. Don't lock them in the basement. Don't let their deranged cousin practice Unforgivables on them."

"Which one?"

"Cousin or curse?"

"Cousin, well and maybe curse? Clearly not the A-K."

"No, that's what old elves and the animals which dared to enter our rear garden were for. It was Bella and she excelled at the Cruciatus; that said, she wasn't half bad at the Imperius by the time she went to Hogwarts. When I was in training, didn't you find it odd that I could throw that curse off without any trouble, even when Mad-Eye cast it?" Sirius asked her.

"Black family is known for mind magics. I thought it was something to do with that," she said honestly.

"No, we're all about Occlumency and Legilimency. I've never tried to learn to probe the minds of others, I have no desire to roam through anyone's thoughts. No one can get into my mind though. Not even Dumbledore when he was alive."

"Impressive. I learned from Perenelle Flamel, so Dumbledore didn't get into my head either," she said.

"Good," Sirius said holding her tightly. "How did you end up with Lady Flamel teaching you?"

"My father hired her as a tutor for Edgar and me when he was in sixth and I was in fourth year. He also hired Nicholas to begin teaching Edgar enchanting. Then the war heated up, my brother decided to be an Auror rather than an enchanter and was killed while on duty. Susie was not quite one when they were murdered. There was no reason to kill Joycelyn other than she was married to Edgar."

"I've had an epiphany," Sirius said, pointing his finger skyward. "War sucks." Amy shook her head but then kissed him.

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Less than a week later, Remus found Sirius alone in his office at two in the morning, drunk off Firewhisky and perhaps potions, as Sirius was having trouble focusing on his friend.

"Why are you down here, drinking on your own?" Remus asked. They'd discussed the excessive drinking the pair embraced when they talked about the war or their lost friends and had agreed that perhaps it wasn't the smartest thing when Harry was around. They didn't want him turning to drink when he was struggling.

"I had therapy again today," Sirius slurred. "She attempted to hypnotize me. I told her it wouldn't work, but she tried anyway. I'm not going back."

"What happened?" Remus said sitting down.

"Much like Legilimency when you endeavour to put someone who is a natural Occlumens under hypnosis, you can't be put into a suggestive state. She then starts asking all these intrusive questions about my childhood. Would you believe she asked at what age I started to, er, pleasure myself?" Sirius was very offended at the question. Remus was shocked.

"That would only make sense if she was using the theory by…never mind, it doesn't make sense. I wouldn't go back either," Remus agreed.

"There was stuff she tried to make me remember, and while I didn't answer, it doesn't mean I don't remember it. Some of it I never even told James," Sirius said, taking another swig.

"I know I'm not James, but –"

"You're not, in some ways you're better. I loved James like a brother, but he wanted to rush off and slay my dragons for me. I'd have rather just let them fly away," Sirius said sadly. "You're a better friend to me than I've been to you Remus."

"Don't say that, Sirius," Remus said emphatically.

"I thought you were the spy in the last war."

"I thought the same about you."

"I told Snape about you," Sirius reminded him.

"We were sixteen, stupid, and hated Snape. I don't hold it against you. The life debt James had with Snape probably saved Harry's life in his first year," Remus reminded him.

"True, but…would you just let me be right about this, please?"

"No, Sirius, I'm not going to let you 'be right' about it because then you'll wallow in guilt. You're exceptional at wallowing. Might be the master of wallowing. Life sucked for you, it sucked for me, and it sucked for Harry – BEFORE – we're all together now and life does not suck anymore. We are building a family here. You have adopted Harry and have protected him against any more abuse. You have Amy back and I know she makes you smile. Sirius, you need to let go of your guilt about James and Lily. You need to face your past so you can move past it, and you need to do both for the sake of the boy you love more than life and your future."

"You make it sound so easy," Sirius said with a sigh. "It's not."

"I know it isn't, but at some point, I had to put my childhood behind me," Remus said. "I was bitten in retaliation for something my father said about Lycanthropes, right?"

"Yeah, you told James and me in fifth year." Sirius answered.

"I never told you what my father was like after I was bitten though. I've only told one other person in the world. She was a village elder I met when I was in Nepal. Talking with her was, well it was as easy as speaking with Lily. Anyway, my father was convinced that once a person was bitten by a werewolf, their soul was forfeit. He based his 'theory' on the werewolf pack that Voldemort was cultivating. Those were, are, soulless monsters."

"Moony, you're not soulless, if that's where you're going," Sirius rebutted.

"No, I'm not, but my father's belief was enough to enrage Greyback and he attacked. For the next year of my life, my father would not look me in the eye. I was five years old. My father didn't touch me, didn't engage me in conversation. Nothing for a year." Sirius looked at his friend, shocked and surprised. He'd never realized Moony had it this bad.

"My mum did her best to make up for the coldness of my dad, but I thought he was disappointed or disgusted by me. Slowly, painfully slowly for me, he began to return to the same level of affection, but it was years before my father hugged me or told me he loved me. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and I still struggle with feeling I'm not…" He paused and took in a staggering breath. Sirius didn't need to be told what Remus struggled with. It's hard to recover from a parent being disgusted by you.

"I was seventeen when Greyback hunted down my parents and killed them. We had all just left Hogwarts and our group was somewhat scattered and it was only days after Dumbledore asked me to go to the continent to speak with other, non-affiliated weres. I didn't come home for the small memorial the villagers put on. I regret that, but, well Dumbledore had replaced my distant father as my role model, and he told me that reaching out to the other werewolves was more important." Remus was ashamed of his actions and should have realized leaving a day or two later wouldn't have made a difference.

"I know you never had anything close to affection from your parents," Remus said to his friend, "and they did horrific things, but at some point, it must be about what kind of parent you want to be for Harry and what you need to do to become that person. I know you experience true parental affection from Fee and Monty, we all did."

"That's true," Sirius said with a smile, pushing his glass tumbler away from him. "Fee was so different than my own delightful mother. After I left home, half dead and staggering into their lawn before passing out from the Knight Bus Ride, Fee was there. When I was physically healed enough, she was constantly hugging me, stroking my hair, taking my hand. I craved her touch because it was so comforting. Monty was different, he was affectionate, but it wasn't as physical. He was so like James, wanting to slay the dragons, no, he wanted to support me while I slay my dragons. He took me to see my grandfather, Arcturus. He was the head of the family, not my father or my mother who had supposedly removed me from the family. Grandfather was different. He and Monty were…political in how they protected me."

"That's a fair assessment of them. What are you taking from each of the three true parents you had?" Remus asked, reaching for Sirius' glass, and emptying it.

"I want Harry to feel affection. Do you know that he flinches – still – when Hermione hugs him? It's been three years. All I can say after meeting Hermione's mum I'm sure she's been hugging him since they became friends. She's the most stable and affectionate person he's had in his life and her touch makes him uncomfortable at the instigation. I want to let him know he's loved the way Fee let me know. Firm hugs, strong touches to his shoulders like my grandfather gave me. I also want him to know that I'm behind him, the way Monty was behind me."

"Well then, sounds like you have a start, Sirius. What else?"

"Grandfather trained me to be his heir. He made me understand how the Wizengamot worked, and I plan on putting that training to use. He gave me Aunt Cassiopeia's Book of Secrets, which I also plan on putting to use. I'm going to make sure Harry is ready for his title when he turns seventeen."

"Sirius, apart from the lessons, which you have a plan for, you are already these things for Harry. We know some of what Harry has been through, but I'm afraid there is more in his past we will learn. Are you prepared for it?" Remus had always worried about what would happen to Sirius if something that happened in Harry's life was too close to the traumas that Sirius endured.

"I'll have to be," Sirius said firmly.

"And you'll do it without finding a girl or the bottom of the bottle?"

"I would not cheat on Amy. As for the liquor, perhaps we should remove everything but Butterbeer – and I'd need to drink about twenty to get even a bit drunk – from the house. Maybe leave a few bottles of wine for when we have dinner guests, but get the hard stuff out of the house," Sirius asked his friend who nodded.

"I'll also ask Andi for another name for a therapist."

"Good."

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"Sirius, explain the crests and colour stuff to me again," Harry asked while trying to contain his laughter.

"Every family has a family crest, well at least the old families. Neville's family has the boat on his crest for the long bottom boats that were used to navigate the rivers and marshes of the area where the family seat is. His family colours are two lovely blues which coordinate with the symbol."

"But who decided these things?" Hermione asked.

"The Wizarding Council, which eventually became the Wizengamot. The original thirty-five families that made up the council were the elders of each family. It worked a bit like a clan system, each family elder took the concerns of any and all members to the Council and everything was discussed if it was serious enough, then action was taken between families or for the good of all," Sirius explained.

"So, there's the Sacred Twenty-eight list, why aren't the Potters on it? I know that they were on the Wizarding Council," Neville asked.

"Something I asked Monty Potter when I was only a bit older than you, Neville. Monty thought it might be because the Potters have always been very light, and they were always pro-Muggle. But we also know that other families considered the Potters pureblood, like the Blacks. My great auntie Dorea married Monty's brother Charlus and she wasn't disowned. My grandfather and Monty often worked together to pass reasonable legislation. A light and a, er, grey family working together made things happen."

"You consider your family grey?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Overall, yes. My immediate family was mostly dark and was close with the truly dark families like the Notts, Malfoys and Yaxleys. However, there were many grey or even light members of the Black family – Uncle Marius was born without magic but was still a mind healer. Cousin Andi could never be considered dark, and both Marius and Andi married Muggles. Auntie Cassie was very progressive in her ideas and grandfather was quite moderate in his views. As Voldemort rose in power, he attempted to reign in the worst of my parents and aunt and uncle's behaviours, but he lost their respect. When they killed my grandmother Melania, who was a Macmillan before marriage, he closed himself off from the world and exerted the only remaining power he had over the rest of the Blacks, he tightened their purse-strings."

"Fascinating. So, your family crest, the dogs?" Hermione asked.

"The Greek gods were often pictured with greyhounds, which is what those are. Since some of those same Greek gods are the names of stars and constellations, for which the Blacks name themselves, it was an obvious choice. The colours for my family were originally Black and white, like the stars in the heavens. My great-great grandfather changed it to Black and green to highlight our Slytherin heritage, which I'm not sure we have anyway."

"What about the Potter crest," Harry said. "It doesn't make sense to me at all."

"That's because what you're looking at is an amalgamation of the crests from England, Ireland, and Scotland for the Potter family. There are three distinct branches now, and your great-grandfather wanted to bring them together. The five petaled flower is from Ireland, the name of it I forget. The stag is from Scotland – your dad found that part hilarious – and the jug is from the English branch, who were famous for their pots and the magical properties imbued into them. Things would stay fresh for years in a Potter pot."

"And the blue, red and tan?"

"A bit from each nation, Ireland was green and tan, Scotland was red and black, and England was blue and brown. Clearly, they picked the colours that worked best with each other," Sirius explained.

"Do the Bones' have a crest?" Harry asked.

"They do, and it has crossed bones and a skull on it, like a pirate flag. Amy doesn't have a single thing with the crest on it except a broach she inherited and will one day give to Susan. They'd like to change theirs, when possible, but until we have another Chief for the Wizengamot, nothing as inconsequential as a new heraldic crest is going to get worked on.

"Now, you want to hear about some truly ugly things, you need to see the Malfoy family crest and colours. They came to England from France, and this was a minor branch rather than the primary, well-respected branch, during the reign of Henry the eighth –"

"Why did they have to come to England? Do you know?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I do. One thing Auntie Cassie did was keep a book of every secret she ever learned about Wizarding families. Apparently, the lesser Malfoys ran into some financial problems and stole from another Wizarding family. When the crime was discovered, they were ruined in polite society. The French king threw them out of court and their only hope was coming to England. It was also rumoured that he couldn't father children and their singular son, a boy on whom the entire English Malfoy family is built was the child of their Muggle housekeeper," Sirius said, somewhat proudly. He would love to remind Malfoy senior of that fact one day.

"So what colours were they?" Hermione asked after everyone had a chuckle at the rumour.

"They did the unwise and picked trendy colours for the time. They have gold, which is completely acceptable, and something called gooseturd green. It is the colour of goose excrement, sort of greenish yellow but earthy and quite hideous. Narcissa insisted on wearing it for her wedding. It made her look ridiculous, but Lady Malfoy was thrilled."

"You don't happen to have any photos?" Harry asked.

"Why, yes, I do. As I said, Auntie Cassie saved everything."