Coping With the First Loss

Hades practically carried his son straight to his temporary quarters. He could not bear to let him go just yet. Once inside they both simply collapsed onto the couch, sobbing. Hades held onto his son like a lifeline. His daughter, his beautiful Bianca was gone. He wanted to blame Jackson, he really did, but he simply couldn't. His daughter had taken that figurine against all warnings and she had paid the price. Although he did spare some of the blame for the Huntress who had decided his untrained daughter should have gone on such a dangerous quest.

Then the grief completely overwhelmed him and there was no space for rational thought. He had not grieved this much in millennia and it felt even worse than he remembered. The only thing keeping him going was the idea that they could change this future and he would not make the same mistakes. He had wanted one of his children to be the one in the prophecy. To save Olympus and get the recognition they deserve and yet, he had lost one child already. He would not let Nico die too. Whatever he had to do to prevent that.

He felt his son's tears soaking through his robes and it hurt his heart that all he could do was hold him tighter. There was little other comfort he could offer, nor did he really know how. He hadn't been much of a hands-on father even back before the interference rules were put in place. He had the Furies take care of things like moving his children to safe locations and any other business that needed taking care of. Besides, he did not have very many demigod children. Hades felt helpless, lost, grieved and many other emotions besides. He closed his eyes as a fresh wave of his own tears trickled down his cheek into Nico's hair.

Nico felt like he was drowning. It was like he had lost his sister all over again. It was even worse because now he knew exactly how pointless her death was. There was no reason for her to have picked anything up except to get him something he had wanted. Even when she thought she might die, she had given the stupid figurine to Percy to give to him. As if he could ever want something that had essentially killed his sister. He was just so angry at Bianca and that made him feel guilty as well as miserable.

"Do you want me to have someone send some food here?" His father's hoarse voice broke the silence, making Nico jump. He considered. Given how sick he was still feeling, food probably wasn't a good idea but he knew he should eat something. A nagging voice in the back of his mind, that sounded suspiciously like Will, was telling he should at least try to eat something small.

"Yeah please. Just something light though." He replied. Hades nodded. He maneuvered Nico so that he could get up momentarily. He left the room and returned almost immediately. His arm snaked back around Nico's shoulders and tucked him against Hades' chest once more.

After a few minutes, there was a knock at the door before Persephone came in with two plates of food. She placed them on a nearby table and looked at the forlorn figures sympathetically.

"Do you two need anything else?"

"No thank you, love." Hades said, offering her a sad smile. It came out as more of a grimace but she appreciated his attempt nevertheless. She nodded and left the room to give them their privacy.

It was a little while before Nico felt up to trying to force down some of the crackers his stepmother had brought. They did require a lot of juice to wash down but he managed to eat a few of them. It was then he noticed that his father hadn't eaten anything himself, though Gods didn't require the same sustenance as mortals. In fact his plate didn't seem to be getting any smaller and he realised his dad was putting food from his own plate onto Nico's every time he ate something. Still, he didn't eat much, his stomach wouldn't allow it.

"Is your sister in Elysium or did she try for rebirth?" Hades asked quietly.

"I don't know. Last I heard she was in Elysium." Nico stated, equally quietly. His voice sounded horrible and his throat was scratchy.

"Are you feeling up to reading more or do you wish me to tell the others to postpone the reading?" Nico knew Zeus would be furious if they postponed the reading any further.

"Zeus…" He began.

"Will not be an issue. If you do not feel up to reading then we will not do so." His father said firmly. "Poseidon, Hestia and I can keep our brother in check easily enough." Nico considered. On one hand he didn't really want to read anymore when Bianca's death was likely to be a common topic but on the other, postponing it wouldn't make it any better. In fact it would probably be worse.

"No. I'll be ok." He said. If his father picked up on the slight waver in his voice, he said nothing and simply nodded.

"Well then, the hour is nearly up. Let us compose ourselves and return." Nico nodded to this suggestion. He went to the bathroom to wash his eyes and took a few minutes to keep his breathing calm. Then he went back out and stated that he was ready.

Percy was expecting Apollo to haul him off for a talk but his dad and Triton got there first. They led him off to Poseidon's quarters and sat him down. Triton was opposite him while his dad sat beside him, an arm around his shoulders.

"Percy, what happened to Bianca was incredibly sad but it was not your fault." Poseidon stated calmly. Inside, he felt anything but calm.

"But…" Percy began.

"No." Triton said sharply. "Zoe was the one who decided a new, untrained Hunter should be part of the quest. Bianca was the one who took something from Lord Hephaestus' junkyard despite being warned several times. None of the blame lies with you."

"It was my plan that got her killed."

"You did not force her to do it. She went of her own free will, even knowing there was a risk she would not come back." Poseidon said. "Bianca knew she should not have picked up that toy. She took responsibility for her choice and wanted to make amends. That is commendable. And not your fault."

"It still should have been me." It hurt his heart to hear his son talk like this. It seemed that no matter what they said Percy would place no value on his own life.

"Why?" Triton asked. "What makes her life worth more than yours?"

"She was just a kid!"

"So were you. You were only a couple of years older than Bianca." Triton replied easily.

"She had just become an immortal Hunter of Artemis. She had her whole life ahead of her!"

"So did you. You still do. You're not even sixteen, you have the vast majority of your life left. Just because hers might have been longer does not make it worth more than yours." Triton argued. Percy opened his mouth and then closed it again with a perturbed look on his face. Poseidon smiled proudly at his immortal son.

"It was my plan. I should have gone." Percy said finally.

"Are you sure you don't want to die?" Triton asked in concern.

"I…" Percy closed his eyes and Poseidon's heart broke a little bit more.

"Percy?" He asked carefully.

"I just feel like...like I should have died. Several times already. I got shot in the back twice not that long before this happened. It was pure luck that I survived and it just feels like maybe my luck demands a price."

"You think Bianca died because you didn't die?" Triton asked in confusion.

"Not exactly. Just that someone had to die as a payment for all the times I've lived when I should have died."

"No. That's just your luck balancing out. By rights, at least half of those situations in which you should have died should never have even happened. Your luck just works in extremes. Good and bad." Poseidon told his son, desperate for him to believe him. Percy hummed noncommittally.

"The prophecy for this quest stated exactly how many people would die." Triton reminded him. "It may not have specified who but where those skeletons shot you was not a 'land without rain' therefore did not meet the criteria set in the prophecy. That has nothing to do with your luck or anything you did. It is simply the way Fate set everything out." Percy nodded slowly.

"Not everything wrong in the world is your fault." Poseidon said. "Strangely enough the world doesn't actually revolve around your actions." Percy managed a dry chuckle at that.

"No but saving the world is my responsibility."

"That doesn't mean you are at fault for anything that happens in the world. It is war and people will die. That is simply the nature of war. The war was started by Kronos. Any deaths due to the war are on his hands not yours." Poseidon stated heavily.

"I know. It's just hard." Percy sighed.

"I know, son. You cannot help how you feel as long as you know it wasn't your fault."

"Logically I do know that." Percy nodded. Poseidon let out a quiet sigh of relief. It wasn't fixed, but it was a start.

"Good." Triton smiled. "Now, let us go and get some food. I wish to try some of these blue pancakes I've heard so much about." Percy visibly perked up at the mention of blue pancakes. He jumped out and dashed out of the room.

"Thank you." Poseidon said to his son.

"He's a good kid for a demigod." Triton admitted. "Besides, for some reason I can't seem to hate him."

"I'm glad."

"Well, I'd best go and try these pancakes." Triton gave a small grimace. Poseidon laughed, pleased his son was making the effort. He knew Triton had never really liked mortal food all that much. He generally stuck to Ambrosia and Nectar when possible. It was quite a big sign of just how fond of Percy he had become.

"Go on then. Do try not to be sick." The sea God smirked.

Apollo had intended to speak with Percy about his worrying thoughts at the end of that chapter but Poseidon had dragged him off before he could. And if anyone really should have that conversation with Percy it was his father. He would certainly still have a talk with Percy but he hoped Poseidon would be able to make him see that not everything was his fault.

Instead he spotted his son watching the door of the dining hall as if waiting for someone. He suspected he was looking for the son of Hades. He went to sit with Will.

"How are you doing?" He asked as he sat down.

"I'm ok." Will replied shortly.

"I wouldn't expect him to come here." Apollo told him. "I bet he and uncle Hades will be staying in Hades' rooms until it is time to start reading again." He watched as his son's cheeks went pink.

"I wasn't…"

"Yeah. You were. And I know it sucks not to feel like you're helping." Apollo said, he felt exactly the same way right now with Percy. "But the best thing you can do is continue to just be there for him."

"It just doesn't feel like enough."

"It never does. But I saw the two of you in there. He needed you."

"I was just being a friend." Will defended.

"A very good one." Apollo agreed. "But you like him."

"Of course I like him." Apollo raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh fine. Yes. I like him but I'm pretty sure Nico has a huge crush on Percy." Liking a guy who had a crush on someone else, Apollo could relate to that. Well, past Percy had a huge crush on Annabeth, he wasn't sure if he still did or not.

"It was you that he was clinging to like a life raft in there." Apollo pointed out.

"I just happened to be nearby." Will shrugged, though he looked pained by the idea.

"Well so was his sister but he wasn't clinging to her. If he was just looking for any old comfort you'd have thought he would have gone to her." Will frowned as he thought about it. Maybe his dad was right. Still he couldn't exactly talk to Nico about it right now. The last thing Nico needed was to be burdened with Will's crush with everything else he was going through.

"Thanks, dad." He said.

"Anytime." Apollo clapped his son on the shoulder. He went to stand up but Will's next question made him freeze.

"What's up with you and Percy?"

"Err...what do you mean?" He asked awkwardly.

"Well you've been super close the last few days. Giving him archery lessons, saying you'll give him guitar lessons. Plus you promised to get him that guitar when most of your kids don't even get birthday presents." Apollo grimaced guiltily. Of course he had considered how his kids would feel about him dating Percy but he hadn't thought about how that spur of the moment offer would be seen by Will.

"Will, I…" He couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. After a few moments he pulled an explanation from thin air. "In this time the rules still apply. We're supposed to be keeping our distance. If we can convince Zeus to change these rules, I will be trying to make sure I make it to see all my kids on their birthday. Even if it's only for a few moments." Will nodded slowly at this. It did make some sense but there was still something missing. It didn't explain why Percy got such a random gift.

"Ok, I get why we don't really get gifts and stuff. We've always understood that. We don't like it but that's the way it is. Why Percy?" Will asked. Apollo sighed. He didn't want to lie to his son but he also wasn't sure he was ready for this conversation yet. He was silent for a few moments.

"Look, how would you feel if I said I wanted to date Percy?" He asked suddenly. Will's eyes went very wide.

"You...what?" He looked like someone had just clubbed him over the head. "But you're a...and he's…"

"I know. Trust me there are so many issues I don't even know where to begin. This most likely won't go anywhere but in the very unlikely event things do go my way, I would like to know how you feel about that." Apollo admitted.

"Weird springs to mind." Will said.

"That's fair enough. I expected that to be honest."

"Yeah. Mostly weird. I definitely need some time to get my head around that." Apollo nodded. He ruffled Will's hair and then made a second attempt to leave the table. Then he went to find Hephaestus. He had promised Percy a guitar after all. Once he found the God of the forges, he made his request. Hephaestus agreed quite easily. Apollo went through all of his specifications, including a very specific design. He couldn't wait to see Percy's face when he gave it to him. Hephaestus nodded and told him it should be ready in a day or two depending on how long the readings took.

Once that was done he set about thinking of a gift for his son. So far he had surmised that Will took after his healing aspect more than his musical or archery sides. His first thought was to give him some medical supplies to take back to his time for their upcoming war but it seemed too impersonal. His options were slightly limited by his lack of powers so he couldn't just snap up something.

Finally he had an idea and began preparing what he would need.

The break ended up being closer to two hours rather than an hour but nobody except Zeus minded. In fact the demigods, and a couple of the Gods, were actually quite pleased by this. Everyone took the same seats as before. Nico went back to sit with Will instead of his father. As soon as he placed himself next to the son of Apollo, Will grabbed his hand.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm...better." Nico said. Will nodded.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No. Just…" Nico looked down at their joined hands. "Stay like this."

"As long as you want me to." Will promised. Nico's cheeks flushed but he smiled gratefully. Will did an internal fist pump of happiness. Outwardly he just kept smiling and sat back on the couch.

"I think it's my turn to read." Silena said, picking up the book. She glanced around the room to make sure everybody was ready and then read out the next chapter title.