JENNIE

After a breathless yes and a hastened apology to my Uber driver—definitely earning myself a one-star rating—Lisa carried me inside.

She swept us through the house, her lips never leaving my neck as she closed us inside her dark bedroom. Her hands molded to my curves, and she laid me on her bed with an unhurried kiss that curled my toes.

"Lisa." I tugged at her shirt.

"Slow. This time"—she ran her cheek along my jaw—"we go slow."

I moaned in protest, my eyelids growing heavy when her lips began a lazy descent. Her rough fingers pulled at the collar of my tee, pulling it aside to reveal a sliver of flesh by my collarbone. She worshiped the spot with her tongue, her lips, nibbling and sucking until I quivered beneath her.

The blinding throb between my legs was unbearable. I snapped my eyes open and shoved Lisa up, pushing and clawing at her clothes until her shirt was bunched at her ribs.

Her response was to stand at the foot of the bed, wearing a smirk and all her damn clothes.

"Lisa," I warned.

She chuckled, reached behind her head and off came the shirt.

I let her strip my tee and tug at the button on my jeans. She cupped my jaw, holding it in her grip as her lips came to mine. She used the hard kiss to push me to the bed, the soft mattress enveloping me as her hard chest covered mine.

Lisa arched her hips, and her arousal pressed into my wet center. "I'm going to ruin you."

"Yes," I hissed as she palmed my ass through my panties. Ruin me. Destroy me. Lisa could do whatever she wanted with me as long as her body was touching mine.

My moans came in a steady stream as I clawed at the bare skin of her back, my nails short but enough to leave a mark. She nipped at my lower lip when they dug deep. Then she growled against my neck, and the vibration ran straight to my clit.

If she kept at it, I was going to come, just like this. Just from her kiss.

But I wanted her inside me, the two of us joined at the climax. I stretched for her jeans, sliding my hand beneath the waistband. When my fingers wrapped around her shaft, she thrust into my grip.

Her eyes, those beautiful golden swirls, lifted to meet mine. "You are . . ."

I cupped her cheek with my free hand, prompting when she didn't finish. "What?"

"Stunning. Sexy." She turned her cheek, putting a kiss on my wrist. "Mine. For tonight, you're mine."

Slow became frenzied as we shed the last of our clothes and she hauled me deeper into the bed. Her cock rubbed against my folds, her hips swirling as the root found my clit.

I shuddered and my legs trembled. I panted into her ear, whispering her name and begging for more. "Inside. Please."

"Not yet."

"Please." I tilted my hips, searching. "I need you."

She reached a hand for the nightstand, but I caught her forearm and shook my head.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I want to feel you. Nothing else. I'm on birth control and it's been. . . a long time."

"Same here."

My teeth found the lobe of her ear. "Then what are you waiting for?" With a single thrust, she buried deep.

I cried out and her hand clamped over my mouth, both of us stilling as we listened. I'd forgotten Louis was sleeping down the hallway. When the quiet returned, we both let out the breaths we'd been holding, and the intensity peaked.

Lisa's eyes flared, sliding impossibly deeper, before she began to move in gliding, punishing strokes.

"Jennie." My name in her voice was sweet music. "You feel so damn good."

I hummed in agreement, relaxing into the feel of her strength above me. The stretch, the sensation of being filled by Lisa, consumed me and I squeezed my eyes shut, committing every move to memory.

This was not something I wanted to forget. I'd made that mistake before.

Her pace quickened, her cock hit hard and true, as my hands roamed, grabbing with desperation for more. Our kisses were wet and chaste, neither of us patient enough to let our lips lock.

I was on the edge, so close, but I fought my release. Lisa growled, her hips moving faster. "Come on, baby."

"More. Not yet."

She pulled free and got to her knees. My eyes flew open in time to see the world spin. She gripped me by my hips and twisted me in the bed so I was on my stomach. Her large hands yanked at my thighs, pulling me to my knees.

Then she slammed home.

I cried out, and her hand clamped over my mouth once more, smothering my whimpers and moans as my back arched. Her free hand ran up and down my spine, and as her fingers rounded the curve of my ass, her lips dropped to my shoulder.

The woman was everywhere. There were too many touches to concentrate on just one, and the sensations overwhelmed me. My entire body shook as she rammed into me, over and over. The sound of our flesh slapping drowned out our heavy breaths.

I didn't want it to be over yet, but fighting my orgasm was impossible. When she reached around my front and found my clit with her finger, I broke.

My chest fell forward, my cries muted by the pillow, as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over my body. Tingles rushed from my toes and fingertips to my center where I pulsed in the longest, hardest orgasm of my life.

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, joy seeping from my body. "Fuck," Lisa groaned, right before she buried deep, holding me to her as she came. The heat of her release dripped down my leg as she pulled out and collapsed on the mattress, pinning me beneath her.

My vision was blurry when I dared to crack my eyelids. My heart was pounding faster than if I'd just performed for a sold-out arena. I was drenched and sated and in Lisa's arms.

I never wanted to leave.

Her arms never loosened as she pulled my back to her chest. "Don't go." No, not this time.

"What about Louis?"

"We'll wake up early and we'll tell him you came over to say goodbye. We just won't tell him when you came over."

"Okay." I smiled, curling into her front as she turned us on our sides.

Staying the night, sleeping in her bed, was foolish and impulsive and . . . I didn't care. This was our last night, and when I went home tomorrow, I wanted to know I hadn't wasted a single second of this trip.

This person had my heart. Completely. She'd had it in her hold since I was sixteen. How could I have doubted that? How could I have thought she hadn't believed in me?

This, her faith, was as real as anything in my life. And now I was leaving. It was time for me to go.

I squeezed my eyes shut, staying in this moment and pushing away what was to come. The airplane and reality were for tomorrow. Tonight, I'd live in the dream.

Lisa woke me up twice to make love to me.

And when morning dawned, I slipped out of her bed and out of her home, unable to say goodbye.

--

"Morning, Jennie."

My cheeks flamed as I tiptoed into the kitchen. I'd hoped Mom and Dad would still be asleep at five thirty in the morning. No such luck. Mom was standing beside the coffeepot as it sputtered. "Morning, Mom."

"Where did you sneak off to last night?" she asked, though she had to know the answer.

"Lisa's."

"I figured." She nodded and lifted a mug from the cupboard. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please." I sat at the table, feeling like I was a teenager again who

needed to explain her relationship in an attempt to make her mother understand. "I went over to say goodbye."

She brought me my coffee and sat across from me, not saying a word.

"I chickened out," I blurted. "I wasn't sure how to say goodbye, so I just . . . didn't. I snuck out before she woke up."

"If I know Lisa, which I do, it was probably better that way," she said. "She's careful with who she brings into her life. And with you, well, you two were always complicated."

Complicated. What she really meant was reckless.

I brushed it aside, ready to change topics. "Thanks for everything, Mom. I know this week has been hard, but I'm glad you called me to come home."

"And I'm glad you did. Christmas, right?"

I nodded. "Christmas. Though I'll probably bring Bambam along too. If that's okay."

"The more the merrier." She smiled. "He's a charmer, isn't he?"

"You have no idea." I giggled.

Bambam spent the day with us yesterday after church. While Hanbin and Brooklyn went home with their families, Bam and I took my parents to lunch at a local restaurant. We chose to sit at one of the outdoor tables shaded by a pergola overflowing with hanging flower baskets.

When the waitress brought over menus and Bambam immediately ordered a beer, I feared conversation might be awkward. But Bam had a gift for taking uncomfortable situations and making them the ones you'd remember for years.

We talked for hours. Well, Bambam talked and the rest of us had listened.

He told story after story about life with the band. About our favorite shows and life on a tour bus—the PG-rated parts. He answered Dad's questions about our recording process and the studio in Seattle. Occasionally, Bam would glance at me to fill in the gaps.

And in a way, it was better that Bambam told them about life with the band from his perspective.

He was a neutral party and the way he described it made our lifestyle sound simple. As the wild one in our bunch, he'd ironically made it seem tame.

After lunch, we spent a couple of hours downtown, exploring and enjoying the sunshine, before my parents returned home and left Bambam and me to spend some time alone. The two of us found a bar with good popcorn and country music playing in the background. By the time Bambam was drunk—I stayed sober because I'd seen that glint in his eye, the one that said he was going to go until he passed out—it was nearly dark.

I helped him into a cab and took him to the motel, situating him in his room before leaving to go home.

Except I hadn't gone home. I'd gone to Lisa's.

"Can we take you to the airport?" Mom asked.

"I think Bam is coming over to pick me up. Then we'll go."

"Do you want some breakfast?"

"That would be great." I'd only had the bar's popcorn for dinner, and after a long, blissful night with Lisa, I was starved. "Cereal is fine."

"Let me spoil you on your last morning. Are huckleberry pancakes still your favorite?"

My stomach growled. "Yes."

"Then that's what we'll have."

"Are the kids coming today?" I asked as she took out ingredients from her pantry. Please, say no. I didn't want to have to hide in my room until Lisa was gone.

"No, they have Vacation Bible School this week."

Phew. "One of my favorites."

"They actually run it two weeks in a row now. It runs the week of the Fourth since so many daycares close and parents were having trouble finding care. Your dad already left to pop over for their six a.m. kickoff meeting. Kids start to show up at seven. The new children's director is fantastic but she's . . . intense."

"At six in the morning? Sounds like it."

"She's taken a lot of work off your dad's plate though. Susan's too." I scrunched up my nose at her name but didn't let Mom see.

"Do you think he'll be back before lunch?" I asked.

"He promised he would be home by nine thirty. Ten at the latest." Unless Dad, like me, wanted to avoid a goodbye.

I drank more coffee as Mom whipped up our pancakes, then we ate together. As she started the dishes, I went upstairs to shower and pack my suitcase. When I hauled it downstairs, along with my backpack, I found her in the living room, reading a book.

It was ten thirty.

Dad wasn't coming home.

Maybe it was for the best. The last thing I wanted was for us to fight before I left. Again. But the gnawing ache in my stomach wouldn't go away.

I'd missed my chance to say goodbye to Nan and hug her one last time.

Lisa and I'd had our own kind of farewell. Mom would be here when Bam arrived.

But Dad . . . he wasn't going to get out of this. My stubborn streak flared. "I'm going to go to the church and say goodbye to Dad."

She frowned at the clock. "I'm sorry. You know how it goes. Sometimes he gets caught up."

"Yeah, I know. Be back in a few."

I hurried outside and to the church, my irritation growing with each step. The shouts and laughter of children greeted me before the building came into view, and I took a calming breath.

We didn't need to fight. I was only going to say goodbye.

I approached the church and spotted a large VBS banner above the main door. Stations of games dotted the green grass of the front lawn. When I pushed through the side door, I expected to be assaulted by noise, but the kids must have all been outside or on an adventure because it was nearly silent.

A laugh caught my ear and I headed down the hallway toward the offices. Susan was at her desk, laughing with the woman sitting across from her, and her smile disappeared when she spotted me. "Oh. Hello." I didn't bother with a greeting.

"Is my dad here?"

"He's in his office."

I strode past her without another glance and found Dad behind his desk, his nose in a book. I knocked on his open door. "Hi, Dad."

"Jennie." His gaze snapped to me as he stood, then to the clock. "Shoot, it's after ten. I lost track of time."

"It's fine. I just wanted to come say goodbye."

"Do you have a minute to sit?" He gestured to the chair across from his desk. The room was the same as I remembered, though I fit in the chair better than I had as a child balancing a coloring book on my knees. Shelves hugged the walls, each teaming with books and trinkets he'd collected over the years or received as gifts. The scent of sandalwood and citrus air freshener made me feel like a girl again.

"What are you reading?" I asked.

"I learn something every time I read this." He lifted the book, flashing me the cover. Dante's Inferno. "So you're getting ready to leave?"

"Soon."

"It was good to have you home, staying in your room. Even under the circumstances."

"I miss her already."

"Me too." He sighed. "Me too. The truth is, I started reading this because it's always been an escape. My Mondays will never be the same without Nan."

"Same here—wait. Your Mondays?"

"Oh, I, uh . . ." He placed a bookmark in his book and closed it. "I used to talk to her every Monday."

"So did I. She called me every Monday without fail."

"I know." He gave me a sad smile. "Because I asked her to. She'd call you. Then she'd call me."

My jaw dropped. "You?"

"Don't get me wrong. She called because she wanted to talk to you too. But early on, after you left, I wasn't sure what to say. After the fight, I just . . . I didn't want to make it worse. You two always had a special bond, and I thought if she kept tabs on you, she could relay information. Then a year went by. Two. She liked talking to you and I didn't know, still don't know how to make things right."

Wow. This was . . . wow.

My mind raced as I thought over every call and the questions Nan would ask. One of her regular questions was if I'd met anyone. If I was drinking enough water. And if I was taking time to read.

Those last two questions, they'd been Dad's. And I'd been blind not to see it until now. "It's Monday."

He nodded. "It is."

"Maybe today we can start again. And next week, you can call me."

"I'd like that. Quite a lot."

"Okay." I stood from the chair and walked to the door. "Jennie?"

I turned. "Yeah?"

"The song you played on Saturday was lovely. I've never been prouder." Tears flooded my eyes and I blinked them away.

"Thanks, Dad."

"What I said to you during the fight, I regret it. I want you to know I'm so very sorry. I'm about nine years late in saying that, but I . . . I'm very proud to be your dad. You have accomplished more than I would have dreamed."

Shit, he was going to make me cry. "Thank you. And I'm sorry too."

"No. Don't." He stood from his chair and crossed the room. "Please, don't apologize. The fault is mine. I'm ashamed of what I said and how long it's taken me to admit I was wrong. I shouldn't have forced my beliefs on you."

"Huh?" The apology was welcome, but beliefs? What was he talking about? "I do my best to keep an open mind but with you kids, I wasn't—"

"It was never about the faith. The beliefs or the message. It was about the church."

His forehead furrowed. "The church?"

"You are a shepherd, guiding your congregation, your family, down a path. If everyone walks in the same direction, it works. It's harmony. But when someone wants to go a different way, specifically your daughter, things fall apart."

"And things fell apart, didn't they?"

"Epically," I teased. "I wasn't a rebel, Dad. I was a good kid who got good grades and liked tank tops. I wanted to play in a rock band and have a girlfriend. These aren't sins."

"I know that."

"But there were some who didn't. And you stayed on the path, in the middle, when you were supposed to say screw everyone else and stand up for me."

He hung his head. "I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't realize . . . it was never my intention to stifle you. This is not an excuse, but I wanted to keep the peace. It's taken me twenty-something years to realize peace is overrated. But back then, the last thing I wanted were complaints to the church's board. If they would have fired me, we would have had to move. Or I would have had to quit. Until you kids were out of high school, I didn't want to take that risk."

At twenty-seven, I could appreciate the logic of his actions whereas they'd only hurt at eighteen. Because those people, the ones like Susan, vocal and judgmental, would have been the ones to complain. They would have had his job and forced Dad to another church and community.

Dad placed his hands on my shoulders. "What I said that night—that I was disappointed in you and that you were disgracing our house—I regretted it the second the words came out. Forgive me."

He'd always preached that forgiveness was the purest form of love. And I truly loved my father, no matter what had come between us. "I forgive you."

He pulled me into his chest, hugging me tight. "I love you, Jennie."

"I love you too, Dad."

We stood there, holding on to each other, until a throat cleared behind us. I let Dad go, swiping my eyes, and turned to see a beautiful woman with a short black bob lingering in the hallway.

"Sorry to interrupt."

"No problem." Dad grinned at me. "Chau Tran, meet my daughter, Jennie. Chau is our children's director and the drill sergeant this week."

"Nice to meet you." I shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you too. I was at the service on Saturday and heard you sing. You brought me to tears. My wife and I are huge Hush Melodies fans too."

"Thank you. If you ever come to a show, just get word to me and I'll get you guys some backstage passes."

Her eyes widened. "Seriously? We were already talking about a trip to your show in San Francisco this fall."

We weren't doing a full tour this fall, but we'd organized a couple of concerts along the West Coast since we'd spent so much time on the East Coast ther summer. "Just get my email address from Dad as it gets closer and let me know if you decide to come. I'll hook you guys up."

"This is amazing." She beamed. "Thank you."

Susan appeared behind Chau, tapping the younger woman on the shoulder. "They're calling for you downstairs."

"Oh." Chau pulled a walkie-talkie off her belt and checked the volume. "Damn. I turned it to mute."

"Language," Susan scolded.

Chau just rolled her eyes. "I'd better get back. Nice to meet you, Jennie. And thanks again."

"You too." I waved with a smile that morphed into a scowl when Susan turned her back.

Dad blew out a frustrated sigh and dropped his voice. "I'm letting Susan go next week. It's going to be a shitshow."

My mouth fell open. First, that he was actually firing Susan. Second, that he'd cursed. Third, that he'd brought in a lesbian to direct the children's program.

Maybe what everyone had told me was right. Things were changing. "I like Chau," I said.

"She's been a breath of fresh air in this stuffy office. It's been long overdue," he said. "Your mother mentioned something about Christmas."

"I was thinking about coming home."

"You're always welcome." He put his arm around my shoulder and walked with me down the hallway to the exit.

"I warned her that means Bambam will likely tag along too."

"Good. Bring him along. And if you ever need someone to talk to about his addictions, I'm here."

Dad had always been observant. "How did you know?" He shrugged.

"A hunch. Am I wrong?"

"No. I worry about him. We all do."

"Want to talk about it?"

"How about we save that for next Monday?"

"I'll call you."

I had no doubt that he would.

How crazy is this? I'd walked here angry, but when I searched for a lingering shred, there was nothing. Poof. It was just gone. He'd call me on Monday, and we'd fumble into a new type of father-daughter relationship. Maybe Nan had patched more holes than I'd ever given her credit for.

"See you soon, Dad." I hugged him once more.

"Safe travels, sweetheart." He held the door open for me, waving as I walked down the stairs to the sidewalk.

Kids were playfully shouting on the front lawn. There was a giant parachute stretched out between little bodies arranged in a circle and they were tossing a ball in the air with the fabric.

I searched the group for Louis but didn't see him. Maya was in the ring, giggling with the others, but she didn't spot me as I passed.

My heart felt lighter as I walked home, even with my departure looming.

Because I'd be back. This would always be home.

A text dinged in my pocket and I pulled out my phone, seeing Harvey's daily text. But instead of cringing, I simply cleared the notification and put it away.

It was time to be in Seattle and return to work. I was ready to go home, to my space and my bed and my city. I was ready to create again. This week hadn't been planned and there had been a few excruciating moments, but the break had given me a chance to clear my head.

And my heart.

Would Lisa move on now that we'd made amends? Would I? The knot in my stomach signaled a resounding no.

My God, I was going to miss her. The idea of not seeing her every day, not being here to see her smile . . . my heart was breaking.

She was mine.

I wouldn't move on from her. No one would ever replace Lisa.

She'd ignited something in me this week. She'd brought to life a slew of emotions that I'd been suppressing for years. It was time to let them breathe.

I'd spent my entire adult life downplaying or denying my love for Lisa. So for a while, I'd embrace it. I'd carry her in my heart as I continued on with life.

And when it was time, I'd let go.

Though, I couldn't imagine a day when I wouldn't love Lisa.

Mom was waiting for me on the front stoop when I turned the corner of our block. "You just missed Bambam."

"What?" I scanned the street, looking for a car. "Where'd he go?"

She handed me a piece of paper folded in half. There was a smile on her face, one more mischievous than happy. "He left this for you."

I flipped open the paper and scanned his sloppy scrawl. Once. Twice. Then I crumpled the page in my fist.

"That son of a bitch stole my airplane."