LISA
"How was church camp, bud?"
"Good," Louis said, buckling his seat belt and shaking a white water bottle that I hadn't sent him with this morning. "I won this."
"Yeah? Nice." I glanced at the floor. I'd sent him with a backpack, right? "Where's your bag?"
"Uh . . ." He slammed a palm against his forehead. "I forgot it inside. Sorry."
"It's okay." I rolled down his window and shut off the engine. "Sit tight. I'll go get it."
If I let him go retrieve it, he'd get distracted by friends and probably forget the reason I'd sent him in the first place.
"Be right back." I winked at him as I got out and jogged to the church, scanning the crowded common room for an adult as I walked inside. "Hey, Chau."
"Hi, Lisa. How's it going?"
"Good. Louis forgot his backpack. Any ideas where his group keeps theirs?"
"They are in the music room downstairs."
"Thanks." I waved and went downstairs, finding Louis's bag on the floor. I swiped it up and kept my chin tucked on the way outside, avoiding eye contact with other parents who might want to chat. It had been a long-ass day and I was ready to get home.
Hanbin and I had pushed hard at the Bridger project and finished framing out the house today. It was a tall hurdle to leap and with it behind us, all the other tasks would begin falling into place. We had an inspector coming by tomorrow. Later this week, we'd get plywood and house wrap up on the exterior walls so the place would begin to resemble a home. Then subcontractors would show to get started on HVAC, electrical and plumbing.
The next few weeks would be busy, and I prayed it might keep my mind off Jennie, the woman who'd stayed in my bed all night, then disappeared this morning without a word.
So much for her goodbye.
I'd spent the day mulling it over and still couldn't decide if I was mad that she'd snuck out at five thirty this morning or glad that she hadn't woken me before leaving.
Considering I'd been in a relatively good mood today, probably the latter.
I didn't want a difficult goodbye, and I suspected she didn't either. Which was why I'd let her go, feigning sleep as she'd collected her clothes and tiptoed out the door.
Jennie would be in Seattle by now, home and back to her rich life.
It was strange to know she was gone from Bozeman and not feel angry.
Angry at her. At myself.
She wasn't the girl who'd walked away from me at the airport and never looked back. She was Jennie Kim. Destined for fame. Living her dream.
This time, she was gone, and I was happy for her.
But that didn't mean I wasn't going to miss her. Damn, would I miss her. But I wanted her to live that great life.
Even if it meant she was away from me.
"Here you go." I tossed Louis's backpack beside his booster seat and climbed in the truck. "Let's go home."
The moment we walked into the house from the garage, Louis went right for the fridge. "Can I have a snack?"
"How about we do an early dinner?" Lunch had been a long time ago and my stomach rumbled. I stepped up behind Louis, both of us surveying the contents of the fridge. A trip to the grocery store was overdue. "What do we have? Leftover Chinese? Or burgers?"
"Burgers."
I ruffled his hair. "You got it."
This was good. This was normal. After last week, with the rehearsals and the added family dinners, we needed normal.
I went to the back deck and fired up the grill. Louis came racing out behind me with a baseball and two gloves, mine and his.
"Grounders or pop flies?" I asked. "Pitches."
I chuckled. My son loved playing catch. He loved pitching the ball, but he dreaded the last ten minutes when I'd force him to practice fielding.
Too tired to argue, I threw the ball until the grill was plenty warm enough, then I went inside and prepped our burgers. When they were done, we opted to eat outside on the deck, me inhaling two burgers as Louis devoured one.
"I'm going to clean up these dishes, then take a shower." The stink from a sweaty day was potent.
"Okay." He stayed in his chair, his eyes drifting to the yard, which made me pause. Louis was a kid who usually bolted to play the second he was dismissed from the dinner table. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared at nothing.
"What's up, bud? Got something on your mind?"
"Simone asked me who my mom was today."
My stomach dropped. My head spun and I fought to keep my breathing steady. The topic of Dianne in my son's company flipped the panic switch. "And what did you say?"
"I told her I didn't have a mom. And she said everyone has a mom. And I told her that I know everyone has a mom, and that I know I have a mom. But I don't have a mom mom, like a real mom."
"Whoa. Slow down." His chest was heaving. "Take a breath." He obeyed.
"How come?"
It wasn't the first time Louis had asked me about his mother, but it was the first time he seemed able to comprehend the answer and pick it apart. To dig deeper. He'd been too young for our other conversations and had accepted my simple explanation.
Every family was different.
This time, he'd want the full story. My son was growing up and wanted to understand why he was different.
"Being a mother is the hardest job in the world." My throat was rough and my voice hoarse.
I'd practiced this. I'd thought about what to say when the day came, but no matter how many times I'd run it through in my mind, it was still the hardest conversation I'd ever had with my son.
And we'd only just begun.
"Your mother was—is—a smart person. And she was smart enough to know that she wouldn't have done a good job as your mom. That you'd be happier living with me."
He thought about my words, his face set in firm concentration. "She didn't want me?"
The answer was yes.
How did I tell him the truth? That his mother didn't want to be a mother?
Honestly. I'd promised myself that when he asked, I'd answer with honesty. "No, bud. She didn't want to be a mom. And that has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. Does that make sense?" He shrugged.
"But I wanted to be a parent. And I feel darn lucky that I got you as my kid."
Louis stayed quiet, his gaze fixed firmly on his plate and the few potato chips he'd left behind.
"Are you good with that? You and me? The two of us?" He nodded.
"I love you, son. I know it's not fair, having only me when other kids have both a mom and a dad."
"Do you think you'll ever get married?"
That question, I hadn't expected. "I, uh . . . I don't know. Maybe someday. Maybe not."
"What about Jennie? Would you marry her someday?"
"No." I stretched my hand across the table, covering his. "Jennie is just a friend. Your friend."
"You don't like her?"
"Yes, I like her. But she lives in Seattle."
"And she's famous." His eyes got wide, like Jennie's fame meant she was out of my league.
I chuckled. "And she's famous."
Louis blew out a deep breath, sinking heavily into the chair as the wheels in his mind whirled.
He'd gotten so big these past few years, so independent. I didn't have to run his bath every night. He picked out his own clothes and brushed his own teeth.
He was my greatest source of pride. This boy—this talented, kind and funny boy—who was feeling lost today because he didn't have a mother.
"When people ask about your mother, is it hard to tell them you don't have one?"
He shrugged. "I guess."
"What would make it easier?"
"I don't know," he muttered.
It was not fun to be a kid who was different. Not at this or any age.
"I know I've told you this before, but every family is different. Some have a mom and dad. Some just a mom. Some just a dad. Some have two moms or two dads. All that matters is there is love in a family. We have love. Lots of it. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, Dada."
"Do you have any questions about her?" I'd do my best to answer even though I didn't have a lot to go on.
He nodded and slipped his hand free, dropping it to his lap. "What's her name?"
"Dianne." I wished I could tell him that she'd given him something—his nose or his eyes—but Louis was me entirely. "Any others?"
He shook his head. "Can I go practice my drums?"
"Sure. I'm going to hop in the shower."
He stood, picking up his plate. I followed with my own to the kitchen sink, watching with a twisting heart as he dumped the rest of the crumbs in the trash and loaded the plate into the dishwasher.
Stop. Stop growing.
Louis took off, racing toward the basement, only pausing on the top stair as the doorbell chimed.
"Can I?" He knew to ask before opening the door, but I wasn't expecting anyone.
"No. Hold up." I crossed the room, joining him by the door that I'd eventually replace because I wanted one with a window, then flipped the deadbolt.
To Jennie.
My heart swelled. There she was, not gone but standing at my front door wearing jeans, a tank top and a smile that stole my breath.
"Jennie!" Louis flew at her, wrapping his arms around her waist.
The hug surprised us both, but she recovered first, ruffling his hair and putting an arm around his shoulders. "Hey."
"I thought you were leaving," he said.
"Want to hear something crazy?"
He nodded. "What?"
"Bambam stole my airplane. He just stole it." She threw her hands in the air. "He left me stranded here, so I thought I'd come over and see if we could jam for a while."
"Yes. Yes! We are so gonna jam." He took her hand and dragged her inside.
She smiled as she passed, the light glimmering off the nose ring I'd kissed last night, but she didn't stop or say a word. She just followed my son to the basement, where I heard the bass drum thumping not thirty seconds later.
God, I could kiss her. Not just for coming here, with some stupid excuse about an airplane, but for putting that smile on my son's face after a not-so- pleasant conversation.
I laughed to myself, closing the door. Then instead of a shower, I crept down half the flight of stairs to sit on the landing and listen to Jennie teach Louis some different techniques on the snare.
They spent an hour down there, long enough that my ass fell asleep. But still, I didn't move. I listened, hearing the joy in my son's voice and the affection in Jennie's.
She'd make a good mom.
I shoved that thought down deep, mostly because it was impossible. Jennie didn't need to be Louis's mother. It was a sacrifice I wouldn't ask her to make. But friend was good.
When they finally called it quits, I didn't bother hurrying up the stairs. I sat on the landing and let them catch me eavesdropping.
Louis rounded the corner first, his hand slapping over his heart as he giggled. "You scared me, Dada."
"Did you have fun?"
"Yeah." He nodded wildly as Jennie joined him, placing her hands on his shoulders.
"Louis will be able to play with you on stage at church soon."
"Maybe." I grinned, shoving up to stand. "But first, a shower. Tomorrow is another early morning."
"No," he grumbled. "Is it seven thirty already?"
"Pretty close. What do you say to Jennie?"
He didn't just thank her. He threw his arms around her once more for a hug that made my chest tighten. "That was so extra."
Extra? Hell, I was getting old.
"Way to rock, kid." She let him go and gave him a fist bump
"Can we do it again? Since you're stuck here?" Jennie glanced up to me, silently asking permission.
When I nodded, she smiled. "I'd like that."
Louis let out a whoop, then flew up the stairs, leaving us both with a smile. "Want something to drink?" I asked, leading the way to the kitchen. "How about a beer?"
"Sure." She leaned against the counter as I took out two amber bottles, twisting the top off hers before handing it over.
"You can't afford a plane ticket, huh?" I asked, tipping the bottle to my lips.
She scrunched up her nose. "Commercial? Eww."
"Snob."
"It's true." She giggled. "I don't splurge on much other than drums and that airplane."
"I suppose there are worse vices for rock stars."
Something flashed in her eyes. Understanding. Agreement. "Yes, there are."
"So you're here." My heart was skipping every other beat. "For how long?"
"Another week. Bambam went somewhere for the Fourth. He was good enough to leave a note with Mom before disappearing, saying he'd be back on Saturday."
"You don't seem too upset."
Her stormy eyes locked on mine as she licked her lip. "I'm not."
The air in the kitchen grew hot and thick. The undertones of sex filled the air.
She hadn't only come to see Louis. She'd come for me.
I crossed the room and set my beer on the counter at her side. Then I slid hers from her grip, setting it down too. The water in the bathroom was running so we had a few minutes.
Minutes I intended to use wisely. "You left this morning."
Her breath caught as I leaned in closer. "Why?"
"I don't know how to tell you goodbye," she whispered. Me neither.
I slammed my mouth down on hers, swallowing her gasp. My tongue dove past her lips, tangling with hers as she looped her arms around my neck. The taste of and hops broke on my tongue and I pressed in deeper, molding us nearly into one.
I angled her head to one side, taking our kiss to the next level. Her hands gripped my ass, pulling my arousal into her belly.
The water in the bathroom shut off and I took one last lick, then stepped away. I wiped my mouth dry as she did the same, then adjusted my erection behind my zipper. With my beer in hand, I retreated one step at a time so that when the bathroom door flew open, a billow of steam following Louis's wet head, I wasn't in any danger of dry humping against my kitchen counter.
That would come later. Because she was here.
"Do I have to go to bed?" Louis asked with pleading eyes as he spotted Jennie.
"Not yet. How about this? I need to take my own shower. Why don't you and Jennie play a quiet game in your room or read a book? Then I'll come in and say good night."
I wasn't giving her the option to leave. She'd come here and she was going to spend the night.
The entire night.
My shower was cold and only long enough to rinse away the stink before I got out and toweled off. I pulled on a pair of briefs and a pair of navy sweats, then I walked out of my bedroom with a few lingering droplets of water dripping off my bare chest to find Jennie and Louis in his room.
He was in bed, tucked beneath the blue blankets. Jennie was above the covers, her legs, clad in a pair of those tight jeans, stretched out beside him as he read her his favorite book.
The tightness in my chest returned. No matter how many breaths I dragged through my nose, my lungs wouldn't hold the air.
Louis had asked me about his mother tonight. And here he was, sitting beside a woman who might have been his mother in another life. Their picture was . . . flawless.
Neither of them noticed me as I stood in the doorway, hidden behind a corner and spying once more.
"Great job reading." Jennie took the book from his hand and set it aside.
Then she looked up and over, spotting me beside the door.
Her eyes raked down my body. Her throat bobbed as she gulped.
I grinned and entered the room. "Say good night, Louis."
"Good night, Louis," she parroted, making him laugh.
She giggled with him and kissed the top of his head before sliding off the bed to make room for me.
I tucked the blanket under his chin as he snuggled deeper into the pillow, a smile still on his face. "Sweet dreams, bud. I love you."
"Love you too."
Jennie stood in the hallway as I shut his door. Then she followed me to my bedroom.
Our beers in the kitchen were forgotten. So was the full dishwasher I'd forgotten to run and the grill that should be covered in case of rain.
But I shut us inside my bedroom and ignored everything beyond the door when her hands snaked up my spine.
I spun, her fingers splaying on my chest, and caught her wrists, trapping them on my skin. "No sneaking out. Not tonight. Not in the morning."
"What about Louis?"
"We'll get up early. You can be gone before he wakes up, but if you leave me alone in this bed, I'm going to spank your ass tomorrow night."
She inched closer, not denying the fact that she'd be here tomorrow. And the next night. and I had a week. She could hang with her family during the day. Chill with Louis in the evenings. But at night until morning, she was mine.
"Understood?" I warned.
"Understood." A sly grin spread across her face as she worked her hand free to pinch my nipple. "I'll just have to do something else to earn that spanking."