When Izuku gets back dinner is already on the table. He's scrubbed the tear tracks from his cheeks before coming in but he hadn't been able to check whether his eyes were red or not. He's sure they are, but there's no hiding it now. Izuku's hands tremble slightly, and he feels like the life had been drained out of him right along with his dreams.
The katsudon Inko made tastes like sand from Dagobah. And, it doesn't take his mother long to notice something's wrong with him when he's picking at his food the way he is.
"Izuku? Did something happen? You came home later than usual."
The boy wants the ground to open up underneath him, wants the black hole in his chest to suck him in, wants it to grind him into atoms like he never existed in the first place. But, his mother stares at him, eyes prompting him to respond.
He contemplates lying to her. He contemplates leaving the letter somewhere she'll find it just so he doesn't have to tell her himself. His shoulder throbs from the burn Bakugou had left with him, and his eyes ache from all his crying. Izuku had been told to kill himself today, he'd been rejected from his dream course at his dream school. He's fifteen and all he wants to do is go lay down and cry some more, maybe not talk for a few days and enjoy the silence it offers him. He just wants to stave off his mother's pitying look.
He feels like throwing up.
"I got a letter from UA. They said I should try applying for another course."
He doesn't tell her that they rejected him. He's not sure he could bring himself to say it if he wanted to.
Izuku sniffles, running his jacket sleeve under his nose, tears blurring his vision as the boy stares down at the bowl of katsudon in front of him. He can hear the scraping of a chair on the kitchen tile but refuses to look up as he wipes furiously at his eyes.
Inko kneels down on the floor next to him, gently taking his hands between hers. Izuku can feel her fingers trembling around his and turns to look at her. There are tears in her eyes as she stares at him, her face stricken with grief. "I'm so sorry Izuku!"
He flinches at the words. Memories of a four year old Izuku bubbling up with them. The words aren't ones he wants to hear, not what he needs . But, he doesn't blame her. Not with the face she's making, not with the tears that are darkening the edges of his shorts when she bows her head.
He's never blamed her, doesn't think he could if he tried.
His mother is crying for him, for his dreams that the world had crushed so ruthlessly. How could he blame her for that?
He'd look back on this moment in the future, thankful for her words despite the pain they'd brought with them. It was those words that inspired him to save others, those words that inspired him to prove the rest of the world wrong, those words that kept him running.
But, for now he stays home, doesn't go to school for the rest of the week, doesn't even drag himself to the dojo to train. Doesn't see the point to any of it anymore.
He wakes up to nightmares during these days, even his afternoon naps are plagued by ruthless dreams. It starts with UA's rejection letter, the nightmare acting as some sort of mordant parody of Harry Potter. Only this time he's the one hiding the letters and Bakugou's the one playing the role of Hagrid, storming in their apartment in the dead of night with a sharp smile and a "you'll never be a hero".
When his dreams aren't about the letter he usually finds himself standing at the top of buildings. The first time it happens he's alone, standing on what looks like his middle school's roof. He's watching the sunset when it begins morphing into one of Katsuki's explosions and the boy comes flying out of the horizon with a grin on his face.
Another nightmare has his mom there crying, telling him how sorry she is. And he doesn't know how he can tell, but she's not mourning for his dreams in this version. They're tears of disappointment, disappointment in him, in herself for giving birth to a quirkless child. In the dream her sobs turn to laughter, "I knew you weren't good enough. You'll never be good enough." He finds himself stepping off the edge of the building.
He jerks awake before he can hit the ground, throwing himself out from under his sheets and clutching at his chest as he chokes back a sob.
He knows it's not real, knows that her words had been a result of his stress. But the dream had felt so real, too real for him to look her in the eye.
Midoriya needs to get out. She doesn't mean to, but the sad look his mother keeps giving him every time he comes out of his room is sickening. And now he can't even look at her without remembering the nightmare.
"I knew you weren't good enough. You'll never be good enough."
But, he holds out, trying to reign in the residual fragments of the dream. Inko makes onigiri for lunch and he tries his best to forget.
That afternoon he's pulled from a nap into a new nightmare, one where Izuku finds himself at the top of UA. It's dark, the barest glimmer of starlight bleeding through Tokyo's sky. The boy never turns around, but there's an understanding that something's waiting behind him, something dark, something insatiable. Something that would readily consume him if given the chance.
"You're a useless, quirkless thing," it hisses, "Not even deserving of the title 'human'."
His legs begin moving without him, and Midoriya's heart rate spikes as he tries to stop. But fighting against it is like fighting against gravity. His legs pull him to the roof's edge until there's no longer anything solid beneath his feet and the earth begs him closer.
His body obeys.
He tries screaming, but his vocal chords are unresponsive. Above him the stars grow further and he can hear Bakugou's laughter through the wind roaring past his ears.
"A useless, quirkless idiot. A Deku."
Midoriya snaps awake on the couch, throwing himself up and into a seated position.
Most of his nightmares have him waking up with either tears on his cheeks or adrenaline in his veins. Some nights he wakes up with his sheets on the floor or crumpled at the end of his bed and tangled in his feet. Some days it's not so bad, other days it's terrible.
This is one of those other days.
Izuku hunches over himself on the couch, shaking hands clamped between his knees and head bowed over his lap. He squeezes his eyes shut and pinches his mouth closed, trying to purge his mind of the images, and the words, and the sensation of falling.
He remembers the presence behind him and tries to shove it away, tries to lock it in a box with all of his other bad thoughts. But, its voice lingers in his head even after the nightmare has faded, like it's stuck its maw out of the box's lid before Midoriya had managed to fully close it.
"..a useless, quirkless thing.."
The fifteen year old lets out a shaky breath and leans his head against the back of the couch. He stares at the ceiling, tracing the shadows there in attempt to further calm himself. The nightmares leave him restless and tired. The disturbance of his sleep slowly eating at what's left of his sanity after the last few days.
Midoriya can hear Inko in the kitchen, the barest hint of curry spice filling the air of the small apartment. It's usually a comfort, but now it only sets his senses on fire. His dream from last night begins resurfacing, merging with the presence and its disparaging words until the memory of his mother's voice becomes distorted and is replaced. The voice isn't hers anymore, but words still spill from her mouth.
"I knew you were useless."
"A defective creature."
"You're not worthy of the title 'human'."
Izuku wants to scream.
More tears burn at the corners of his eyes as his strength dissolves. I can't be here. He pushes himself up on shaking legs and stumbles towards the door, pulling on his shoes and leaving without a word. He hears a muffled "Izuku?" through the door as he staggers down their apartment's steps.
Their door opens behind him, Inko's head peeking out. "Izuku?"
He ignores his mother's calls, continuing down the stairs before breaking out into a dead sprint as soon as he reaches the ground.
He doesn't stop running.
Midoriya heads further into the city as street lamps flicker to life around him. The boy shoves
through the rush hour traffic like he's possessed, like he's being hunted. People send him wary looks as he rushes by, checking behind the boy for pursuers that they'll never find. There's only one person who actively tries to stop him, a hero that a distant part of Izuku's mind registers as Ingenium. The hero manages to snag his arm as he runs by, pulling him to a halt. The boy is winded, but his mind still tries to drag his feet forward.
"Are you alright?"
Midoriya's eyes are glazed over, his body busy trying to outrun the demons in his head. He heaves his arm from Ingenium's grasp and continues his race. The hero gives chase, but the fifteen year old is nimble and Tensei can't use his quirk in crowded areas like these. He quickly loses sight of the boy within the crowd and slows to a halt cursing under his breath.
Izuku keeps running until the voices in his head have been reduced to a mere whisper.
There's a stitch in his side that he tries to walk off when he finally stops, hands resting on his hips and head thrown back trying to catch his breath.
Above him the sky is pitch.
He's in a part of town that he doesn't recognize, the buildings around him worn down, windows slathered in grim and the bricks growing moss at their seams. There's a corner store across from him whose windows are pasted over with faded advertisements, one that he hopes has a decent bathroom where he can splash some cold water on his face and a cashier he can beg directions from.
The boy gives himself a moment more to catch his breath before crossing the street. His mind still isn't completely put together yet. The whisper of that toxic voice is still there, but it's quieter now, more manageable.
The cashier is sweeping when he enters, but she still offers him a quiet greeting. There's a father and daughter that he passes on his way towards the bathroom and he gives the little girl a tired smile as he passes. He misses the wide eyed look she gives him.
In the bathroom he splashes water on his face, cooling his flushed cheeks. When he looks in the mirror the fringe of his hair is wet and drips water down his face. He brushes the faux tears away and pokes at the dark circles strung beneath his eyes. His gaze flickers up to his hair again and if the light hits just right he can see just how badly it needs to be washed, he grimaces. He's still in the same set of clothes from this morning, a pair of basketball shorts he usually wears to bed and a pain t-shirt that's soaked with sweat and a splattered with small bit of food from lunch.
"A cockroach draped in human skin."
Izuku flinches at the words before letting his eyes close and taking in a shaky breath, trying to push the voice further into the back of his mind. He lets out a deep sigh before grabbing a paper towel and wiping any remaining water from his face.
When he steps out of the bathroom he feels a bit better, he's cooled down and his breathing has finally evened out. He's just stepping out when the little girl from earlier runs into his legs, clinging to the hem of his shorts. He watches water build in the her eyes and Midoriya blinks at her in shock. He quickly crouches in front of her as she lets go and scrubs at the tears on her cheeks. "He's not my daddy," she whispers.
"Wha-" Izuku's brain grinds to a halt.
"He took me from daddy. I wanna go home." The tears start back up again and he pulls the girl into his chest.
"Who-" he cuts himself off, glancing around the store, "The man you were with?"
She nods against his chest.
"Does your daddy know you're with him?" Izuku peeks around the corner of the short hallway the bathrooms are in, looking for the man he'd seen earlier. The boy spots the top of his head towards the back of the store.
"No."
Midoriya turns back to look at the girl, a mix of worry swirling in his eyes. "Alright, I- We'll get everything sorted out. Yeah?" Everything is happening too fast, his mind running faster than he can keep up as it tries to determine was to do.
Possible kidnapping situation. I need to contact the police and let them confirm the situation, but my phone is still at home. The police station? He doesn't know if they'd be able to make it across the store without being seen. And if they did get spotted he wouldn't be able to run that far with her after his mad dash through Musutafu. Even if I could I don't even know where I am or where the police station is.
His eyes catch on the cashier who's moved behind the counter to straighten the items there. He waves at her wildly until he's caught her attention, frantically pressing a finger to his lips when she looks like she's about speak. Midoriya checks that the man hasn't moved before he takes the girl's hand in his and rushes towards the counter.
It'd be better to avoid confrontation. Keep her out of sight.
"I-I need you to take her and hide, call the police, I think the man she was with abducted her," he keeps his voice low and continues throwing glances over his shoulder to check where the man is.
"Eimi?" Midoriya's head whips around to see the man's brown hair peeking over the aisle closest to the exit, heading their way.
The girl goes limp in Izuku's arms as he quickly picks her up and swings her over the counter where the wide eyed cashier takes hold of her. His hands shake as he passes the girl. "Get down," Midoriya whispers before ducking behind the end of a nearby isle, his heart racing.
"Eimi where'd you go?" Midoriya can hear the agitation that he's trying to mask. The boy takes a calming breath before casually stepping into the aisle that the kidnapper's in, pretending to study a bag of chips to his right.
"Hey kid, have you seen a little girl in here?"
Izuku puts on a surprised face when he turns towards the man. "Not since I came in." The fifteen year old looks around for the girl he knows isn't there, masking a grimace when he sees the head of the cashier quickly peek over the counter, a phone pressed to her ear. "Do you need help looking?"
There's a frown that flickers across the kidnapper's face. "No, it's fine, thanks for the offer though." The man shoves his hands into his coat pockets and Midoriya tenses for a possible fight, but he simply walks past the boy and towards the door.
Suddenly, Izuku's torn.
The kidnapper is obviously ready to abandon the girl given the wary glance he throws at the cash register, yet something in Midoriya says not to let him get away. Something tells him that he'll just try again with another little girl on another day in another convenience store only next time he'll succeed. His eyes jerk back towards the counter where he knows Eimi and the cashier are hiding, then back to the kidnapper as he gets closer to the door. He's ready to charge the man as he goes to push the door open but pauses. I could be putting those two in danger.
He'd be dealing with an unknown skill set, unknown weapons, an unknown quirk. But , he thinks, heroes deal with that same unknown everyday.
"You're not a hero," his mind hisses, "You'll never be a hero."
In the end the decision is made for him, because the man doesn't go to open the door, he goes to lock it. The soft click it makes has Midoriya immediately on edge, muscles tensing and stance shifting. "Alright brat, come out before I kill everyone."
There's a muffled whimper from behind the counter and Izuku can't tell if it's from the cashier or Eimi. Either way it brings a manic grin to the kidnapper's face that has Midoriya's blood curdling.
"You can't save anyone, you're just a Deku."
"This isn't the dojo, people fight back with quirks here."
Maybe in another universe he could have been able to say that his feet moved on their own, maybe in another universe he could say that he didn't hesitate because of the voice in his head. But, maybe in another universe that voice wouldn't have sent him running halfway across the city, wouldn't have brought him here, maybe in another universe he might not have saved them. In this one he will.
He's tired, limbs shaky, whether from fear or overuse he's not sure. But, his body doesn't fail to respond to the threat, his training ingrained too deeply to let fatigue weaken his punches or buckle his knees. Having a staff on hand would've been preferable, if only to put some distance between him and his opponent, but life is hardly so accommodating.
Instead he settles for the broom the cashier had left out, it's scarcely a suitable replacement, but it'll give him the distance he needs. Midoriya points the broom handle at the man, the other end tucked securely beneath arm, "Stay where you are."
The kidnapper snickers, "The hell you gonna to with a broom."
There's a cocktail of fear and determination swirling in the boy's eyes as the edges of his lips tick upward in a wobbly smile. "I wonder." The man lunges and Izuku spins on the ball of his foot, before bringing out the end of the broom from under his arm and slamming the brush cap into the side of the man's face. There's a satisfying crack of plastic against bone and a rewarding grunt of pain from the kidnapper. "I've already taken the time to call the police so I suggest you either stay here and wait politely, or I can make you." Midoriya falls back into a defensive position as the attacker cradles his face, Izuku can see a thin stream of blood sliding between the man's fingers as he looks back at the fifteen year old.
"You're gonna regret doing that."
"Am I? Because honestly I'm feelin' pretty satisfied at the moment." It feels like someone has mangled his brain to mouth filter and he's left to wonder how those words came out of the bumbling, fear steeped chaos that is his mind. The casual smirk on his face feels like it's made of
thin glass and his legs tremble undetectably despite his calm outward appearance.
The man charges at him with his right fist drawn back, his face is twisted with fury as blood drips from a split above his brow. His form is sloppy, but Midoriya recognizes the power behind his punch. There'd been no obvious physical manifestation of the man's quirk, and Izuku hasn't noticed any indication that he's activated one. So, he leads his counterattack with the broom cap again, slamming the hard plastic into the slight bone protrusion on the kidnapper's wrist when he extends his arm. Pushing it off course as Midoriya goes to side step the blow and send the man stumbling past him. The impact is followed by a sharp cry of pain and muttered curses.
The man cradles his wrist to his chest.
Maybe it's because of the stress from the last few days, or maybe it's the build up of unreleased spite that makes his mouth form the words, "That all you got?" His fear is slowly being replaced by anger. "You know I've been having a pretty shitty week," Izuku spits, "I got told to kill myself, got rejected from the hero course, and I've been kept up by countless nightmares over the last few days. I just ran halfway across Musutafu, and I'm both physically and mentally exhausted, but you know what?" Midoriya asks as a tired smirk tugs at his lips. "It'll all be worth it if I get to kick your ass." This time Izuku is the one to charge at the man, broom raised like a bat in a way that sends the kidnapper ducking down one of the aisles. His impromptu weapon slams into one of the shelves, scattering bags of chips across the floor. Midoriya adjusts his grip on the broom as he moves into the narrow aisle to follow the man.
The kidnapper grabs something off a nearby self and throws a box of instant rice at the boy that Izuku easily dodges before rushing towards the attacker. He feints with the broom and and instead sends his foot out into a side kick that makes contact with the man's chest, the impact sending air rushing from his lungs. Midoriya makes to pull away but finds his foot caught between the kidnapper's arms, his hands wrapped around boy's ankle.
It only takes a few moments for the boy to recognize the burning heat that's radiating from the man's palms. There's a twisted grin pulling at his lips that mutates into one of Bakugou's at the sensation of the searing heat on Izuku's skin. It doesn't help that the man's eyes are a similar dark vermillion.
"Believe that you'll be born with a quirk in the next life and take a swan dive off the roof!"
There's a spike of fear that shoots through him, freezing his limbs despite the nonstop signals howling at him to " Pull Away! PULL AWAY! ". Somewhere he registers the flashing red lights of a police car reflecting off the window, shaking him out of his panic. He's not Katsuki, Midoriya grits his teeth, Katsuki's quirk burns hotter.
The broom is still in his hands but the villain doesn't seem to register it as a threat as the palms gripping his ankle grow hotter. It's a sloppy swing with the fear in his throat, but it manages to catch the man in the temple and his grip on the boy loosens enough for Izuku to break free. The fifteen year old twists out the hold and delivers back side kick to the man's chin. He stumbles back, clutching his jaw, and Midoriya takes the opportunity to discard the broom and charge the attacker.
Izuku's hands wrap around the back of the man's neck, pulling him down and driving a knee into his unguarded stomach. Midoriya drops his hold when the brunette hunches over. The boy takes advantage of his prone position and uses it to hurl him onto the tiled floor stomach first. Izuku quickly jerks one arm into a hammerlock while he pins the other hand to the ground with a foot,
careful to avoid the kidnapper's heated palms. He can hear someone pounding on the doors and sees the cashier, cradling Eimi to her chest, sprint through his peripheral towards the entrance.
Two officers rush to his aid and Midoriya warns them of the man's quirk as they take his place and lock a pair of quirk suppressing cuffs around his wrists. Izuku watches as the two drag him out to the police car outside, shoving the man into the backseat. Another car pulls up behind them, two more officers stepping out, one of the original cops point them in his direction. There's a female officer that breaks away to talk with Eimi and the cashier, and an man with two small horns that approaches Midoriya.
"My name is officer Fujimori, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
"That man," Izuku states instead, eyes glued to the first police car, "He'll probably need medical treatment." Now that everything's over Izuku feels his hands start to shake, he shoves them in his pockets, shifting from foot to foot.
The officer arches a brow.
"I-I didn't know what his quirk was so I couldn't afford to pull any punches. At the very least he'll have some painful bruising to remember me by."
"The call we got says that you two were fighting, were you injured?"
Midoriya sends a furtive glance down at his ankle. There are two bright red hand prints circling the base, but he doesn't think they'll even blister. "No."
The police escort him and Eimi back to the nearby station where a frantic Inko arrives half an hour later. Eimi had already been reunited with her actual father, the man having shown up earlier in a complete state of disarray before the two of them were swept into an interrogation room for privacy.
He'd been running through a few details with officer Fujimori in a different interrogation room when his mother barges in. And, forgoing all formalities, wraps him in a tight hug the moment she's close enough. Midoriya can feel the fabric on his shoulder dampen, if the same thing happens to her shirt, no one mentions it.
They don't get back until well after dinner, though his stomach never signals its arrival, too rent with nerves to notice. Inko saves whatever words she might have had for him, and instead merely watches as the boy slips into his room for the night and collapses into bed. He's still wearing the same clothes, and the burns on his ankle throb uncomfortably in time to his heartbeat. But, he's completely drained, all of his adrenaline having finally sizzled out, leaving him as an empty husk.
For once he's too exhausted dream of anything.
He wakes up his phone ringing on the nightstand. It's Friday, and from the sunlight streaming through his window, too early. He can hear Inko down the hall, the woman getting ready for work from the sound of it. He doesn't even check the caller ID before silencing it and quickly falling back asleep.
When his phone rings for the second time that morning only an hour later he's ready to throw it out the window and roundhouse kick the first person that tries to pick up its remains. He doesn't. But,
when the third call starts coming through, waking him up for the third time, he does decline the call and slam it ruthlessly down on his nightstand.
The next time he hears a phone ring it's from Inko's cellphone a few minutes later. "Oh! Chee-san! I meant to call you the other day and completely forgot," there's a pause, "No, he's not been sick it's that..." his mother sighs, voice noticeably quieter, "A-A lot's happened. He got a letter from UA the other day... They're not allowing him to try for the course he wanted. So, he's been... Well, he's been as good as can be expected. Just yesterday-"
Midoriya rolls over to face the wall, his bed creaking with the movement. He pulls a pillow over his ears, and closes his eyes against the primary colors of his fading All Might posters. He doesn't want to listen anymore, doesn't want to think. And here he'd almost forgotten about the rejection letter rotting in his desk drawer.
His phone buzzes beside him on his nightstand and he rolls over, ready to actually throw it out the window this time before he sees the alert. There's three missed calls from Chee Sensei, a few concerned texts from his dojo classmates, and at the top, a pop-up notification from one of the hero news sites he follows.
Vigilante Knuckleduster Stops B...
He stares at the headline for a moment before tapping on it, opening the link.
Vigilante Knuckleduster Stops Bank Robbery!
Knuckleduster, a relatively well known vigilante, saves the lives of eight civilians after a villian with an electricity quirk attempted to rob a bank. Witnesses say that no heroes had yet to arrive on scene when the vigilante appeared, easily taking out the culprit after a short fight following the villain's attempt to take several men, women, and children hostage. The culprit, Suzuki Akira, has been previously involved in several others robberies, one in which two civilians lost their lives. Local law enforcement did not comment on the vigilante's heroic actions, only stating that they "we're glad that no civilians had been seriously injured".
Izuku blinks, eyes flickering back up the the first sentence, gaze catching on the word 'vigilante' . He hears a whisper in the back of his mind.
"He's not my daddy."
"He took me from my daddy." "We'll get everything sorted out. Yeah?"
"...well known vigilante, saves the lives of eight civilians..." "You're gonna regret doing that."
"Am I?"
"We're glad that no civilians were seriously injured."
"You did a good job kid," officer Fujimori tells him. They're both leaned back against a wall, waiting for Midoriya's mother to finish up any formalities. "Things could've gone much worse if you hadn't been there when you were and if you hadn't done what you did."
Izuku watches as his mother signs something at one of the detective's desks. "You'd be a great hero kid."
The words leave a bitter taste in the back of Midoriya's mouth. I'd make a good hero, he thinks, If only someone would give me a chance.
Midoriya doesn't remember his lungs stopping, doesn't remember his hands clenching in a white knuckled grip around his phone, doesn't remember when sun in his chest reignites. There's only the understanding that it's back, small and flickering, but there. Tears spring unbidden from Izuku's eyes as he grips at the fabric over his heart.
Inko comes rushing into his room at the sound of the sob that breaks past his lips, her phone hanging loosely in her hand. "Izuku?" She mutters a, "I'm sorry Chee-san I-I'll call you back later," into the speaker before she ends the call and drops the phone on the floor. Then Inko's across the room before he blinks, wrapping Izuku into a tight embrace reminiscent of last night.
She mistakes the shaking of his shoulders as sobs, and his tears for ones of desperation. He lets out a warbled laugh into her shoulder, one that sounds more like a cry, and Inko holds him tighter.
He laughs as he cries because his heart is finally back.
He hadn't really thought about saving that girl, hadn't thought of what doing so had meant. But, he had saved someone, protected them. He'd defeated a villain using his own power, had done something no one else believed he could do. He'd been a hero to that girl.
If UA wouldn't give him a chance then the solution seemed simple, he'd give himself one. He'd force the world to see him, force them to recognize his hard work. He wasn't missing a quirk, it was simply that everyone else had been given an advantage. He wasn't broken, or useless, or incapable, and he'd prove it by outrunning all of them, he who was quirkless, he who had started in last.