It's strange... Izuku has spent so much of the last year hiding away from the people around him. His turmoil, his dreams, his identity. Reo was the only one who seldom got to see the inner workings of the boy called Midoriya Izuku. But here he is suddenly expected to reveal all of his darkest demons to a stranger in the pursuit of a better tomorrow.
Oddly enough, Izuku finds the idea of bearing his trauma to a stranger easier than to someone he knows and trusts. It takes a weight off of his chest. He was nervous before, he's still nervous, but not nearly as much as he was walking in.
Izuku takes a careful seat on the couch after they introduce themselves, folding his hands neatly in his lap. He feels stiff, probably looks it too. But, the man only continues to gently smile at him. "So, what are you here for?"
The question takes Izuku by surprise.
The boy is understandably confused. Shirakumo can see his eyes shifting around the room
nervously as if he's looking for an answer, an escape.
"I know what's in your files," Oboro clarifies gently, "But, what are you here for? What do you
want to get out of these sessions?"
His mouth parts as if to speak before he closed it again without a sound. What do I want? He thinks to himself.
Izuku wants a lot of things of course. He wants to be able to give up on his dreams, but he also doesn't. He wants to save people. He wants to keep his relationship with Reo in good standing. He wants to stop worrying his mom. He wants to make more friends. He wants to get closer with Shinsou. He wants to get into the hero course. He wants to stay away from Bakugou. He wants to be recognized as something other than powerless. He wants to find Eri.
He wants to live.
"Are you happy, Midoriya?"
He contemplates the question for a long moment. "Not yet."
Vigilantism, for all it's worth, has never truly offered him happiness. Saving people gave him a sense of self-worth and fulfillment and those feelings, in turn, brought him the happiness he'd been
so intoxicated by.
With only two words the boy is able to convey that, while he wasn't where he needed to be, he was both open and ready to do what needed to be done to get there. Shirakumo smiles at him. "Can I assume that's one of the things you're here for then? So that you can get the help you need to be able to get to a place where you can be happy?"
Izuku nods. "Yeah."
It feels like an obvious answer to him. Isn't that what everyone's goal in coming to therapy is after all? Isn't happiness always the end game? The verbal communication of this idea, however, feels like a form of affirmation that everything will turn out just fine.
"How long do you think it's been since you started feeling this way?" Oboro asks softly.
Izuku meets his eyes momentarily, gaze traveling up to trace the scars cutting through the man's brow. "...It's been a long time," Izuku murmurs, "I thought it'd gone away in the last year or so, but I'm starting to think it never really did." Midoriya fights off the headache he can feel starting behind his eyes. "It wasn't always this bad, but I'm sure I must have felt something similar to what's happening now since I was a kid."
To the man's credit, Izuku receives no indication of surprise. "Is there any specific incident you might be able to cite as a cause for these feelings, whether this is something that happened in the past or the reason you felt like they were going away and why they came back?"
"I can come up with a few reasons," Izuku mutters.
There's a short stretch of silence. "Would you like to share them? You don't have to feel pressured to respond right now if you don't think you're ready to go into detail. It's always something that we can revisit another time."
Izuku bites at his tongue, warring with himself for a moment before deciding this was a conversation he'd rather save for later. "I'd rather wait." He glances out the window nervously, watching as a bird darts by.
Oboro nods, jotting something down. "That's perfectly fine, we don't have to get into specifics. Up until now how do you think you've been coping with what you're feeling?"
Izuku stares out the window for a moment, perplexed. "I try not to think about it I guess." "Try not to think about what?" He asks, pen hovering above his notebook.
"...Anything related to the problem, people, memories, whatnot. I just try to occupy myself with other stuff so I don't have to think about it I guess."
"What do you do to occupy yourself? Is there something you find yourself doing frequently? It could be a few different things or something specific that you notice yourself doing to try and not think about whatever it is."
The whine of police sirens starts up distantly outside and Izuku can feel himself tense. He clears his throat, eyes shifting away from the window. "...self-destructive... I tend to get self-destructive."
Shirakumo watches him carefully, his eyes are understanding, open in a professional way that tells Midoriya he won't overstep the thin boundary between them. But, most importantly, there's no judgment in the man's mismatched eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The boy shifts nervously. "I kept putting myself in dangerous situations." He can feel phantom heat prickling at the back of his neck and rubs at it in annoyance.
"What kind of dangerous situations?"
Izuku's jaw clamps shut. I'm saying too much.
Oboro notices his hesitance, he waits a moment to give Izuku a chance to continue before pushing forward. "Personal growth doesn't always require a better understanding of your past Midoriya, but personal healing does." He leans back in his seat. "Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Some days will be harder for you than others. I won't lie and say that therapy or medication will fix everything, but it's a place for us to start. This is the first time we've met, you don't know me. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to and we don't have to talk about something that you're not ready to share. That being said, I want you to be aware that anything you say to me, whether we're in this room or outside it, will be kept confidential. Legally speaking, even if your parents or guardian were to ask after what we discussed I wouldn't be able to tell them anything with the only exception being if I believe that either you or someone else is in danger."
The knot in Izuku's chest remains as dormant as a dead star, unmoved by Shirakumo's words. Izuku will never be able to fully open up to this man. He wonders if the other can sense this as Izuku watches him write something else down.
Midoriya says nothing and Shirakumo can tell from this alone that he's being shut out before their conversation can really begin.
He changes plans.
"UA's sports festival is this weekend. Do you plan on participating?"
Izuku is understandably caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. "Yes." His answer is short, tense. In truth, he hasn't actually talked to anyone about taking part in the events. He doesn't even know if the school will let him considering he wasn't allowed to attempt the hero course exam. He forces himself to relax. This man is here to help him. "I'm fully healed now so I was cleared for physical activity."
"Are you nervous?"
The sports festival is Izuku's last chance of getting into UA's hero course. But, it wasn't his last chance of becoming a hero. The night before he and Reo spent hours on the phone with one another researching every option possible. In reality, he didn't even need a school to become a hero, though that was ideal and would teach him many of the things he needs to know about legal heroism. They'd discovered that, truthfully, the only things he needs are a hero sponsor and the skills to pass the licensing exam. Even so, he nods a silent 'yes' to the man's question.
"Why do you think you're experiencing that feeling?"
He'll be going head to head against kids strong enough to make it through the entrance exam Izuku wasn't allowed to take. He'll be competing against the likes of Bakugou and Todoroki Shouto in hopes of taking gold right from underneath their nose.
"There'll be a lot of strong opponents," Izuku murmurs.
The therapist nods gently, writing something down. Izuku eyes the movements of his pen
nervously. "Well," the man says, looking up at him with that same kind smile he had when Izuku first came in, "I wish you the best of luck. I'll be rooting for you."
Izuku feels something inside him soften. He offers a small, weak smile of his own. "I'll do my best."
That's all anyone can really ask of him after all.
Inko sneaks glances at him the whole way home. They don't say much and Izuku can tell she's trying so hard not to overstep his boundaries.
"Do you think he'll be a good fit?" She asks nervously. "Dr. Sui said that we might have to visit a few different offices to find someone that you'll click with. But, I guess you might not really know until you've gone to see him a few times so you don't have to answer that right now. Or if you do you can always change your mind about it later of course!"
Izuku smiles softly at the sound of her rambling. "I like him so far. He seems pretty nice."
Inko nods along, anxiously biting at her lip. "That's good then. If anything changes just let me know and we can start looking for someone new." There's a short bout of silence before she quickly changes the subject. "How about we go out to eat tonight? It's been a while since we've gone anywhere."
"Soba might be good," he replies. She likes soba. "I heard there was a new place nearby that opened up recently."
He can see Inko visibly relax next to him, a smile curling at her lips. "Look up the address and we can drop in."
The moment Izuku sets foot in UA that Friday he can feel the buzz of excitement in the air. The sports festival is tomorrow and, besides those few that may have opted out, everyone would be participating. Both his class and everyone in his year would become tomorrow's enemies and everyone is aware of it. The sports festival is a national event, something that, after the emergence of quirks, became more popular than even the Olympics.
Izuku and Reo weave their way through the school's hectic morning crowds. "I can't believe you're gonna be fighting the third years," Midoriya states. "That's gotta be scary right? You'll be facing off against people that'll be actual heroes by the end of the year."
Reo shrugs. "By the end of the year I'll be making their support gear full time. We've both had to hone our skills in our own ways so it's really not any different from any other year. The first year is the hardest in my opinion since you don't know everyone's abilities yet."
Izuku hums in thought. "You're right about that. I won't know what everyone's capable of until I've fought them."
"If you want to do some research beforehand there's a few third-years in the business department that trade quirk info on the first-years for different favors. Usually, it's just for the benefit of the older kids though." They pause outside Midoriya's class and Reo's voice drops to a whisper, "The Second and third-year business students usually run an underground betting ring during the sports festival on who will win. I'm pretty sure Nedzu knows about it, but they haven't gotten in trouble
for it yet so it's become a sort of traditional thing."
Izuku snorts. "It's probably because he thinks it'll build good business skills."
"Probably," Reo chuckles. "Alright, I'll see you at lunch. Let me know if you want that info though and I'll talk with someone." Reo waves goodbye just as Izuku catches sight of Shinsou's lilac hair bobbing down the hall towards them. They both say hello as they pass each other.
Izuku smiles as Shinsou stops beside him outside the classroom. His smile is all teeth. "I hope you're ready for tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? What was tomorrow again?" Izuku teases as they slip into class.
"You wanna go intimidate the hero course with me later?"
"What kind of idea is that," Izuku splutters with a laugh, "That'll just put you on their radar."
Shinsou shrugs. "If I rile them up now that'll only help me in the long run."
They take their seats and Izuku turns to look at him. "Is that part of your quirk?" he asks. It's an innocent enough question, but Izuku can see the way Shinsou's lingering smirk slides from his lips.
"Not really, but it could give me a better chance at winning." He looks away, digging absently through his backpack and Izuku can tell that's where the conversation will end.
Maybe the real reason Shinsou hadn't introduced himself with his quirk on that first day of class was more complicated than Izuku had originally thought.
Standing in the locker room makes him nervous. His new scars prickle. He got lucky yesterday, he'd managed to avoid changing in front of anyone. Today, however, he's not so lucky.
The scars on his side are noticeable, but not so much as the handprint burned into the nape of his neck. It draws immediate notice no matter how quickly he tries to change. It's pink and fleshy and raised from his skin in a way that even his hair, that's become unruly within the last month, can't quite cover. The uniform collar thankfully comes up high enough to shield it, but with a good third of the locker room having already seen it, this fact isn't enough to stop the rumors that would likely spread.
Shinsou doesn't take note of it, or if he does, he simply ignores it. Either way, Izuku's thankful for it.
Eraserhead is in the gym when he and Shinsou arrive for P.E. He's not teaching, just briefly speaking with a disgruntled-looking Vlad King before class as the remaining students slowly trickle in from the locker rooms. Izuku isn't as disturbed to see him as he was last time, but it's still a surreal sight. He flexes his fingers, an odd sense of guilt flooding him upon seeing the man still shrouded in bandages despite Izuku having already made a full recovery.
Shinsou comes up beside him, gently knocking shoulders with the teen. "I wonder what they'll have us doing today." It's enough to drag him away from any more thoughts of the USJ or scars or looming monsters with blood on its hands.
"You'd have a better guess than me. This'll be my fourth time actually participating," he chuckles. Izuku hopes it doesn't come out too strained.
"I hope it's a game," the girl in front of them states, glancing at the duo over her shoulder. She faces forward again. "I think Vlad King forgets that we're not in one of his hero classes. I always feel like we're training for something when he teaches."
Izuku wracks his brain for the girl's name, but can only remember her adhesion quirk. Shinsou glances at him, mouthing the girl's name. "Zheng Bao."
Ever since Midoriya had returned from the hospital, Shinsou has been slowly helping him learn the names of all his classmates. Being gone for so long made him into an outcast of sorts. Not in the way he had been at Aldera, but in the sense that everyone in their class has already gotten to know each other. Even though he was there for the first two days of class, he still gets the feeling he's been marked as a mid-year transfer. He's sure his newfound scars certainly won't help.
Izuku mouths a "thank you," back at his friend as the last of their classmates finally arrive. Eraserhead is gone the next time he looks for him and Vlad King takes their full attention with the start of class.
The hero clears his throat. "With the sports festival beginning tomorrow, I'll be letting you all off a little easier with a game of capture the flag." A relieved sigh goes through the students. "I'll split you into two teams first and then we can go from there." The man begins picking through the list of names, pointing left or right as he goes. "Shinsou, red team. Zheng, red team. Midoriya," he looks up, searching for the boy.
"Yes sir?"
"You're able to participate, correct?"
"Yes sir. Recovery Girl cleared me a few days ago."
Vlad nods, glancing back down at the roster. "You'll be on blue team them. Let me know if you need to sit out at any point."
"Wh— No fair, Sensei! Can't we have Midoriya on our team?" One of the girls whines.
"No way!" someone from the blue side shouts. "Midnight put him on your team yesterday! He's ours!"
Izuku turns to Shinsou in genuine confusion but finds the teen with a smirk pulling at his lips. "You're good at sports," Shinsou mouths at him.
Izuku flushes.
"That'd make the teams uneven. Midoriya, go get a blue belt."
The boy lets out a quiet laugh of disbelief. He was sure of it before, but now he's certain. He's not at Aldera anymore.
Reo's return to the lunchroom is a comforting occurrence. Izuku's happy to have his friend back, but there's a noticeable disquiet that settles in the in-between moments.
Reo had accepted his apology from the night before, but hasn't forgiven him. He wasn't ready to and Midoriya understood that better than most.
He hadn't gone in seeking Reo's forgiveness. Even after so many months, he remembers the conclusion he'd come to in the wake of Naomasa's hospitalization.
"Seek amends, not forgiveness."
This, thankfully, isn't one of those in-between moments.
"Lunch Rush really has the best food," Reo mumbles around the noodles in his mouth, fake crying into his pasta.
"Your mother would cry to hear that," Izuku replies, smirking.
"She'd be crying into this pasta right beside me. You have to try it next time."
"What, you won't even give me a bite?"
"No, bitch."
Izuku bursts into laughter before he can even remember to be offended. He turns to Shinsou, puppy dog eyes activated. "You'd give me a bite, wouldn't you?"
"You should stop asking people to bite you, Midoriya. It's not sanitary." Shinsou says, a mischievous smirk slipping into place.
"WHAT?" Izuku gapes, slack jawed for a moment.
Reo chokes on his food, coughing out a laugh.
Izuku grins at his friend's misfortune, thumping his back as he coughs up his food.
"Ow, ow! You're too strong," Reo laughs, leaning away.
"Deserved."
"For not sharing my pasta with you?!"
"I agree with Midoriya on this one," Shinsou says.
"You didn't share with him either!" Reo exclaims in mock exasperation.
Shinsou grins at him impishly.
"I'm being bullied. This is bullying," Reo says dramatically, sneakily taking another bite of pasta. "You're so mean to me," he tells them, doing his best to hide the fact that he has food in his mouth.
"Good," Izuku and Shinsou site in sync.
After school, he parts ways with Shinsou to meet Reo at UA's entrance before making their way towards their train.
"You're starting back at the dojo today, right?" Reo asks quietly once they've boarded.
Midoriya nods. "I was hoping for more time to train before the festival but I'll take what I can get." He shrugs. " There's a lot of muscles that I haven't been able to use lately so I'm worried about not being able to give it my all."
"Whether you're in good shape or not is beside the point. You'll still be giving all that you're currently capable of and that all that anyone can ask of you."
"What if the hero course asks for more than I have?" Izuku asks softly. He can feel doubt well up in his chest, threatening to spill through his ribcage.
"Then there are other ways, remember? They're not as preferable. They'll be difficult and require more work on your part, but—" Reo trails off, waiting for Izuku to finish the sentence.
"-but I've never shied away from hard work," he concedes with a quiet laugh. "Exactly."
Izuku lets his head lull to the side, resting it on the boy's arm. The world outside the window passes in a blur of gray and white and the occasional splash of some brightly colored advertisement or billboard. "Thank you," he whispers over the clatter of the train car, "for always being here."
Reo falls silent and Izuku feels himself tense, suddenly reminded of the fact that although the older teen was being supportive that he was not yet forgiven. He's broken his trust too many times, been forgiven too many times. It would take more than the apology he sobbed into the boy's shoulder just days before. Trust was not something easily repaired. Actions, time and actions are what it'll take to fully repair their relationship.
He lifts his head, bile rising in the back of his throat, burning his esophagus. He was getting too comfortable with someone that was not ready to forgive him.
"It's what friends are supposed to do," Reo eventually supplies as the train begins to slow. This is where the line between them is drawn at the moment. This is as far as he's allowed to go.
"I... I also want to be that person for you," Izuku whispers, "Someone you can rely on." The words are too quiet for Reo to hear.
His stop has arrived.
"I'll keep an eye out for the first-year events tomorrow, but I don't know how much I'll be able to catch."
Midoriya forces a small smile. "I'll do the same. Show 'em what you're made of." "You too."
Izuku slips off the train with the rest of the crowd.
Reo sighs as he leaves, shoulders slumping.
The dojo's front window glints in the sun, blinding him momentarily when he gets close enough. The painted lettering on the glass that declares the dojo's name seems to have been redone recently. Izuku can't help but wonder if Chee Sensei had done it herself.
He catches sight of Hirano through the window and the moment he sets foot inside she lets out a
loud exclamation of, "Midoriya!" She rushes towards him, enveloping him in a hug. "You were gone for so long," she whines. "I had to fight Gamon so many times!"
The person in question appears behind her. "You do know that he'd beat you as well, right? He's literally better than me," Gamon laughs.
"Yeah, but at least he's not mean to me." She sticks her tongue out at them as they approach. "When was I ever mean to you!" Gamon splutters.
"You didn't let me win any of our sparring matches!"
"Maybe if you tried getting good I would need to 'let you win'. "
Izuku chuckles and Hirano responds with a playful huff of indignity. She releases Izuku and Gamon steps over to offer him a solid pat on the back. They usher him further into the dojo.
"We were all worried after you collapsed. Chee Sensei kept telling us you'd be fine, but with you MIA the vibes in here were completely off. Everyone'll be glad to see you're here." Gamon grins.
"I could say the same. I feel like I've gone rusty. I need to get in a bit of practice before the sports festival tomorrow," he explains, shaking out his limbs. "I'm fine and everything, but I can tell I'm a bit out of shape."
"Even so, I'm sure you'll still be able to beat me," Gamon sighs.
"I'll be watching for you on tv tomorrow! Make a good name for our dojo!" Hirano laughs, throwing a few mock punches.
Izuku grins, feeding off her excitement. "I'll do my best."
Ji-Woo appears from her office, freckles glowing softly when she catches sight of them. "Welcome back, Midoriya."
Izuku offers her a reassuring smile. "It's good to be back."
Izuku's relieved at how easy it is for him to slip back into his old movements. It's clear that although he hasn't been able to make use of them recently that his body hasn't forgotten what to do. Izuku is... tired after training and his muscles burn, but the pain and the fatigue feel good. It's been some two weeks since he was able to feel blood pumping through his veins like this. The sun in his chest feels hot, burning with a brilliant light.
There's excitement in his limbs, there's hope.
He can do this. He can win. He can prove himself. It's easier than usual for him to fall asleep that night. Tomorrow will be the start of his new beginning.
April 29, 2232 7:09 AM
Sansa has to hold him up to keep the man from collapsing right there on the beach. It's barely 7 am but the area's already been cordoned off to onlookers, yellow police tape running the perimeter of Dagobah.
Naomasa doesn't cry, not yet.
He's a seasoned police detective, this discovery was only one of a dozen other cases he's worked just like it. Why did he have to get so attached?
Sansa guides him to a toppled fridge he can sit on. Neither of them says anything.
Words of comfort would be meaningless here.
He folds into himself, crushed by gravity.
The universe grinds to a halt before his feet. The last year of his life is now meaningless. Naomasa has totally and unequivocally failed.
Detective Nakajima glances at them as he strides past. He catches Sansa's eyes and jerks his head towards the row of police vehicles lining the street behind them. "Get him out of here," he grunts. "He shouldn't've come."
Naomasa lets his head fall into his hands, a numbing feeling overriding his senses. The body he was so desperate to believe didn't exist had just washed ashore.
Pied Piper was dead and soon enough the rest of Musutafu would know as well.