For as long as Oboro has been a therapist there are still people that step into his office that manage to surpass his expectations of them. Because what Izuku says does more than simply surprise him. It leaves him shocked, so much so that he's worried he may have let it show on his face. But, it makes sense, what the boy is implying.
"He's dead, Oboro," Aizawa's voice is strained in his memories. "The kid that saved me is dead."
But he wasn't. He was alive, sitting in front of Oboro. And there's a moment, impossibly short, where he feels a flash of annoyance towards the boy Aizawa was currently mourning for. The feeling, however, is gone as soon as he registers it.
Puzzle pieces fall into place, few and far between, because really what he learned of Piper was strictly through osmosis, but everywhere they landed they fit. Oboro can see it, had seen it in the swing of the boy's staff at the sports festival and how comfortably he fought with it.
Their first session makes sense now. " Self-destructive... I tend to get self-destructive... I kept putting myself in dangerous situations ."
"I never tried to kill myself. I never wanted to die." Izuku croaks, "But I wanted to save people and I was willing to die for that. I was hurting myself by trying to protect others and in turn I was hurting the people closest to me." Midoriya drops into a whisper, voice raw like an open wound. "That's why no one so much as questioned me. That's why everyone believed me when I said I'd jumped off a building trying to kill myself." Izuku's desperate to explain it to him, desperate for him to understand, desperate to get it out. Reo had lived through it with him, but Oboro Shirakumo
was an outsider to his story. With each word the anxiety in his chest builds, his speech quickens. The open wound in his chest weeps along with him. His blood seeps into his chair, spilling down the front onto the carpet. It stains his clothes, the chair, the floor, his hands . It coats everything in vermilion, as red as Iida's eyes, as red as Eri's. He's not even sure if half of what he's saying is coherent or identifiable as a known language. He's crying but he doesn't know when it even started.
Midoriya explains it all to him, he tells him of the little girl named Eri, of Overhaul and the USJ, of Aizawa and the nomu that had almost killed both of them. He explains the death of Piper and its unforeseen consequences.
And then Oboro realizes , understands exactly why Izuku had been skirting the subject of the Iida boy's death. " Stain killed Iida. But Stain was only in Musutafu because of Piper ." Midoriya was not only blaming himself for failing to save the boy just an arm's length away from him, but also for leading Stain right to him.
Oboro can tell from the awkward pauses in the boy's story that there are things being intentionally left out. But, it's enough, not everything has to be explained in one day, not everything has to be explained at all.
"Thank you," Oboro tells him softly. There's no note of pity, no judgment or horror, only a cloud- like compassion that Izuku hadn't been expecting. "You've been through so much. I'm proud of you for finally being able to open up about it. It was a hard decision to come to, wasn't it?"
The boy can only nod, scared he'll start crying again if he tries replying. He takes a moment to compose himself. "You won't tell anyone?" Izuku croaks.
Oboro smiles at him softly, sadly. "I won't."
Izuku lets out a shaky breath, relief flooding through him. He presses the palms of his hands
against his eyes until sparks of color erupt from the darkness. " Thank you. "
They talk for a long time after that, well past their usual time but Izuku's never been able to say any of it. All of his sins, his trauma, his death. Reo had been there to experience it with him to an extent, but there wasn't anything quite like being able to say it.
Everything feels light now, but there's still a shadow lurking in the back of his head, following him home. He hadn't told Oboro everything, even in his sorry state he'd had enough common sense not to carelessly mention secrets that weren't his to share. Reo's involvement was locked behind a vaulted door. It was a secret that Izuku was ready to take to his grave if his identity was ever exposed.
However, Reo was the reason he'd come to Oboro with Piper's story in the first place.
" I'm the only one that knows... "
Without realizing Izuku had made Reo bear the burden of Piper's identity by himself. There are few things he thinks he'll ever regret more in his life than what he'd subjected Reo to. The guilt was a living thing, curled up at the base of his stomach with no way out, lashing out whenever Reo was in proximity.
This guilt would be something he'd have to work through by himself. But, he's already learned a lot from his sessions with Oboro and he's sure he'll continue to learn a lot in the future. He can
only hope it'll be enough to work through the things he'll never be able to talk about.
Midoriya does not tell anyone what he told Oboro. Does not tell anyone about the utter relief in his chest that turns to fear when he thinks of ever explaining to Reo all that he's now admitted to that man.
When he gets home and Inko nervously asks how his session went he cries again, blubbering to her that they're all good tears. And when Reo doesn't ask but his eyes hold that curiousness that he's never quite able to dispel, Izuku tells him that things will be better from now on, and he means it. Things will get better. They will heal. The swirling mass of guilt in his chest will fade. He has to believe it. If he doesn't believe it then he'll have nothing.
He knows it won't happen instantly. He knows his nightmares will continue to haunt him; knows that the guilt over Iida's death will continue to consume him. He knows that the black hole rumbling at the center of all his troubles will continue trying to drag him in. He'll have to fight the pull, fight the urge to surrender himself over to it. It was just as his mother had said: he has to choose to be stronger than the weakest part of himself. Even if it was hard, even if the foreseeable future was nothing but an uphill battle. He would reach the peak of the mountain eventually, dawn would break on the other side. The sun would rise tomorrow, and the day after that, and it would continue to rise every day thereafter, waiting for the moment Izuku finally got a view from the top.
Taking A Break (for now)
374,477 views · 1 day ago
LilacMinds
201k subscribers
Firstly thank you to everyone for 200k subscribers! That's such a huge number to me, I originally had a 200k special planned, I'll still be posting it at some point, but it's put on hold due to some irl stuff happening. I'll be taking a break from some of my more detective related content for a bit in order
SHOW MORE Comments 1,953
Pinned by LilacMinds LilacMinds 1 day ago
I'll still be active on my other social media platforms btw, go follow them if you want to stay up to date for my come back and what I'll be doing in the meantime
snarlsnort 1 day ago
:(( sad to see you go, i'll definitely see you on twitter though!!
Ell[o]Ell 5 hours ago Congrats on 200k
Akihito Jun 18 hours ago
Take all the time you need! I really enjoy your content, so it's definitely worth the wait, but don't
feel pressured to make any content just to cater to us!
jackdaw cs 1 day ago Good luck, man!
Muffibhead 12 hours ago LLLLLL don't forget about us
snarlsnort 8 hours ago
why not just disappear off the internet, then people could theorize about the cryptid cc lilacminds
that vanished from all online platforms (NO IT WOULD'VE BEEN PERFECT TOO SIN YOUR LAST VIDEO WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW PIPERS DEATH WAS A COVERUP)
edited comment
Out of all the students in UA's history, Midoriya's sure he holds the record for most days missed without repercussions. Not even a talk with the principal was on his itinerary after missing what had to have been two weeks at this point. He'd kept up with all his missing school work though, which he guesses is the important part of it all.
They all start back on the same day and they meet up with Shinsou just outside the school gates. No one offers the three of them any strange looks as they pass through the halls. Izuku had expected there to be rumors at the very least, but he was thankful their involvement with Stain was being kept under wraps. Even if he wasn't sure how long it'd stay like this.
They part ways with Reo in the hall. And as soon as they enter their class all eyes turn to him and Shinsou. Izuku already had a set reputation for missing an obscene amount of days, but now both he and Shinsou had been missing for close to a week.
"Where have you guys been?" Midoriya doesn't remember the girl's name, only that she was good friends with Zheng. It's said in a lighthearted manner, but Izuku has heard enough seemingly innocent questions just like it at Aldera to immediately be on alert.
Unlike Izuku, Shinsou doesn't hesitate to answer, "Playing hooky."
The girl raises a brow, unimpressed. "For a whole week?" A devilish smirk pulls softly at her lips, dangerous in a way that Izuku was familiar with. "Are you sure you two didn't get committed to the psych ward again?" She laughs. "I can understand the quirkless kid, but why'd you follow him there, Shinsou?"
Izuku pales. He'd been expecting something. But expecting something is never able to prepare him for what that something actually ends up becoming. How did she know? His eyes flicker to Zheng, unsure of what to do. She turns away, making no move to stop her friend.
" Nakano Yua. " Present Mic's voice booms through the classroom from the doorway. Izuku flinches, started by the sudden noise as everyone's attention snaps towards the hero and the girl, Nakano, whips towards him in fear. " Come with me. " His voice is low, dark. Izuku doesn't think he's ever heard him this angry before.
Nakano stands, shaky on her feet and follows the man out.
Everyone watches her go, silent as she disappears out the door and silent still in the moments after. Shinsou tugs at his sleeve, pulling Izuku towards their desks as the class erupts into low whispers once they're sure there's no longer anyone outside to hear.
"You okay?" Shinsou asks quietly as they take their seats.
"I'm used to it," Izuku replies softly. He feels somewhat dazed from the girl's words, not surprised, but caught off guard. It's been a while since he's found himself in this position: the target of bullying with classmates who are willing to overlook hateful words. As much as Izuku wants to feel surprised at the sudden backlash, he really isn't. It scares him how easy it'd been for him to fall back into familiar routines.
"That's not what I asked," Shinsou states.
Izuku takes a moment to rethink the question. "I'm fine," he says after a time and he means it. He's heard worse from people he'd considered friends. "It caught me off guard, but that's about all."
"Present Mic will take care of her," Shinsou reassures him. "You think?" It's a genuine question on Izuku's part.
Shinsou looks at him as if he's grown a third eye. "Have you met him? I'll be surprised if that girl ever manages to set foot in the classroom again."
"You think she'll get expelled?"
"She'll be suspended at the very least," Shinsou relents, "If he goes to the principal like I think he will then it won't even matter who her parents are. Nezu takes stuff like this seriously."
Izuku stays silent, thinking back to the conversation he had had with the principal over issues like these. He was still wary to believe Nezu's words, but he could tell now that UA was nothing like Aldera had been. Present Mic's interference just minutes before was proof enough of this. He still wonders what would happen if they ever discovered what Bakugou had done in middle school. If they ever find out that he'd told Izuku to take a swan dive off the roof he wonders whose side they would take: one of their star hero hopefuls or Midoriya Izuku.
Present Mic does not return to their classroom before the end of homeroom. Neither does Nakano
Yua.
Class proceeds as normal. Izuku turns in all his missing work. Vlad King teaches P.E. Then Shinsou gets pulled out in the middle of class. And ten minutes later so does Zheng Bao. Neither of them return before the start of lunch.
Shinsou shows up again part of the way through their lunch hour sporting a sour expression. Izuku had hastily explained some of the situation to Reo before he'd arrived, but even Izuku wasn't sure what had taken place after the boy left.
"They'll call for you next," Shinsou informs him, sitting down with his tray of food. "I can't believe she tried to use Zheng as an excuse for that shit."
Izuku gives him a confused look. "Did she say Zheng told her to say it? Is that why she got pulled out?
Shinsou takes a bite of his food. "The sports festival," he explains, "Her and Zheng are friends so Zheng must've told Nakano about our match. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Zheng has every right to hate me. But since the beginning the only person she's been taking it out on is you, Izuku."
Reo looks between the two of them. "What?"
"Zheng was the one to leak the fact that Izuku's quirkless," Shinsou murmurs quietly.
Reo sends him a hurt expression. "You told me that was an accident."
"It wasn't," Izuku murmurs halfheartedly. He looks to Shinsou. "I haven't told him what Nakano said today either."
"What happened?" Reo questions, "It seems if I ask Izuku he'll just downplay it."
The boy's lips thin. "Nakano somehow knew that Izuku was in the psych ward and made a joke about it in front of the class just as Present Mic walked in. She tried to use what happened between me and Zheng during the sports festival as an excuse for why she said it."
"And that's why you and Zheng got pulled out of class?" Izuku asks.
Shinsou nods grimly. "I've been put on probation, but from what I can tell it's more out of formality considering I think Nakano's looking at a three-day suspension at the very least. "
Reo scowls. "That's it?"
"It wasn't that bad," Izuku tries, "It's not like she told me to kill myself."
"Why is that your standard for behavior?" Reo asks, his disbelief obvious, "Have other people told you to do that?"
It's only meant to be a rhetorical question, but Izuku falls silent nonetheless.
Reo pales. "Are you serious?" then, "Was it someone here?"
Izuku bites his lip. He hadn't confessed this to anyone yet. Even Oboro, who now knew of Piper's identity, wasn't fully aware of what had taken place at Aldera. "It happened in middle school," he says softly, "They go here now as well though. And before you ask I've already handled it."
"Obviously you didn't if they still go here," Reo hisses.
But, Izuku had, in his own way. Perhaps it wouldn't be seen as suitable retribution to some, but Izuku knew Bakugou, had known him longer than anyone else. Izuku didn't want to ruin his life. There was too much trauma Izuku would have to dig up for that. There are still things Izuku isn't over, some things that he doesn't think he'll ever be. But, he was content in watching the boy suffer, content to know that Bakugou would never have a determinable victory over Izuku. "I did," Izuku reassures, a small smile crawling across his face. And it's not much, but it's enough for Reo to understand that he means it. He turns back to Shinsou. "You think they'll call for me soon, then?"
He nods. "Probably. I want to say I don't know why they're waiting so long, but given the entire 'well he said, she said' debate I just went through I can understand."
"Did they contact your parents?" Reo asks.
Shinsou nods grimly. "I think they're contacting everyones'."
Izuku knows it's coming, this doesn't make him anymore prepared when he's pulled out of Midnight's class. The last time he'd been called to the principal's office, Izuku was still Piper and believed he was under threat of discovery via Nezu's superintelligence. Now there's no such concern, but there's still a seed of anxiety laying roots down in his chest.
The receptionist greets him with a smile. "Midoriya, right? He's waiting for you in his office."
Izuku nods, turning towards the door. He pauses just before it, sucking in a breath to prepare himself. He knocks. "Principal Nezu, it's Midoriya Izuku."
There's a muffled, "Come in," from the other side and Izuku pushes the door open, swallowing his nerves. "Midoriya," Nezu greets, "would you like some tea?"
Izuku takes a seat on the same couch he'd sat on at the start of the semester. "Yes, please."
Nezu smiles, hopping from his seat to set about making them both a cup of tea. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances," he states. Izuku offers him no response. Once the water is set to boil, he speaks again. "How are you feeling?"
Izuku takes a moment to think over the question, "Nervous," he answers truthfully. "You're not in any trouble," the principal reassures him.
Izuku nods. "I'm aware."
They enter another bout of silence. Once again Nezu is the one to break it. "Obviously you were present for what took place this morning. I want you to know that we're taking appropriate measures to punish those involved."
Izuku remains quiet.
The teapot whistles. Nezu's eyes flicker towards it before taking a moment to finish preparing their drinks. He sets one on the table in front of Izuku, the other one he takes for himself. Before long he's back on the couch opposite of Izuku, letting his tea cool before taking a sip. "You've been through a lot," Nezu says. His voice is soft in a way Izuku hadn't expected. "More than you
should've and I'm sorry for that."
Izuku can tell he's no longer talking about today's incident. Iida's face drifts to the forefront of his mind, taking his attention. There's blood painted across the backs of his eyelids, threatening to pull him away from reality. He takes in a deep breath, releasing it shakily. He lets his eyes close as he takes another sip of his drink. He refocuses, attempting some of the techniques Oboro had taught him in previous sessions. They help to some extent. His eyes flutter open again.
"Nakano will be suspended for several days," Nezu informs him, "When she returns she'll be put under probation and transferred to class 1-E. If another incident like this occurs she'll be expelled; she is aware of this."
Despite Izuku's calm exterior, he can feel his nerves eating at him. He keeps careful eye contact with the principal as he takes another sip of his own tea. It's good, whatever it is. "How did she know about my hospitalization?" It takes everything he has in him to keep his voice steady.
"Her father is employed at the facility you were staying in. She wouldn't admit to it, but our best guess is that he may have let it slip that he recognized you during the sports festival."
Izuku lets the cup linger by his lips as he considers his options.
"We've also been made aware of the situation with Zheng Bao. Nakano's actions are her own, but what happened today was a direct result of Zheng's influence. "
"Nezu-san," Izuku starts softly, "at the start of this school year you told me that you took things like bullying and discrimination seriously. I'll be honest in saying I didn't believe you."
Nezu says nothing in response, waiting instead for Izuku to finish. "Thank you for proving me wrong."
"I wish there hadn't been a reason for me to need to."
"Even so," Izuku states, "Thank you."
There's a knock at the door behind them, drawing both their eyes. "Nezu-san," the receptionist calls through the door, "Midoriya Inko is here."
Nezu's eyes flicker back to him. "All guardians had to be informed, I'm afraid." A sad smile graces Izuku's lips. "So I've been told."
The principal turns back to the door. "Let her in," he calls.
Inko's face is wrought with hellfire and fury, but there's also a nervousness in the furrow of her brows. It was rare for Inko to get called up to any of Izuku's schools. At Aldera it'd only ever been for injuries too large for Izuku to hide and even those had been written up as accidental incidents. He can tell she expects the same here. But, once her eyes have landed on him the tension seems to leave her in one big breath. The anger is still there, right along with the concern.
"Hi, Mom," he says softly. He sets his teacup down, standing to accept the hug that he's sure is coming.
Sure enough, as soon as she's close enough she pulls him into a hug, briefly checking him over. "Are you okay? You're not hurt anywhere, right?"
"I'm fine mom," his gentle laugh is muffled in her shoulder. "Midoriya-san," Nezu greets, "would you care for a cup of tea?"
Her attention returns to the principal. "No thank you," she replies cautiously. She pulls away from their hug, still worried and unsure, but now that Nezu has recaptured her attention the anger returns.
Nezu's attention turns momentarily to Izuku. "You're welcome to stay if you'd like, but we'll just be discussing the same things I did with you if you want to wait outside or head back to class."
Izuku nods. "I've probably missed enough of my classes as is," he chuckles, smiling gently at her. "I'll see you after school?"
There's a soft reluctance in her face, but she bobs her head in agreement. "I've been meaning to have a one on one with you, Principal Nezu." It's a threat. Izuku can tell from the hardness in his voice and for a moment he wonders if he should stay just in case something happens.
Nezu's amicable smile does not waver. "I can say the same." Izuku gets out while he still can.
The last time Aizawa and Naomasa met was long before Piper's death, in a meeting where they were planning for a raid on a little house in search of a girl with white hair and red eyes. They'd found Piper inside instead, beating one of Overhaul's most trusted subordinates senseless on the floor of the kitchen.
Naomasa could've stopped him then, could've prevented the boy's death in the ultimate scheme of things.
But, Piper was dead now and death was a cruel mistress from whom people did not come back. Naomasa stares into his coffee. He's not quite sure why the hero had asked him here, not unless it has something to do with the death of the boy Stain had killed. Aizawa had yet to say anything past a greeting when he first arrived.
It's early afternoon, still school hours despite Aizawa's presence. "Midoriya Izuku, you're familiar with him, right?" Aizawa eventually asks. He doesn't turn to look at Naomasa, eyes trained blankly on the wall to their right.
Naomasa looks up from his coffee, surprised by the question. "Yes?" It sounds more like a question than an actual answer. "We've met a few times. He's good friends with my nephew."
"He's quirkless," Aizawa states. There's no malice in the words.
Naomasa's brows furrow together. "Yes."
"Did you see any of his fights during the sports festival?"
Naomasa freezes for a moment, doused in icy ocean waters. He does what he can to shake off memories of the beach. "No," he rasps.
The hero looks up at him then, really looks at him. They both look tired, dark circles bruise-like under their eyes and mourning for kids they shouldn't have had to bury. "He reminds me of Piper," Aizawa states softly.
Naomasa feels himself tense, hands tightening around his mug. "Why are we here, Aizawa?" he asks hoarsely.
"Hero society failed Piper," Aizawa explains, "I don't want to see it fail Midoriya as well. I hoped you'd be the one to understand that feeling best." His eyes fall to his own coffee. "I see so much of Piper in that boy, so much so that I find myself mistaking the two of them sometimes."
Naomasa eyes him cautiously. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because," Aizawa looks up at him, his gaze steady and unwavering. "I want to make him a hero. Do you think he can do it?"