Why was it so dark.
Would he be dead.
And that light coming dangerously close to him.
Was this paradise.
But it wasn't.
It couldn't be.
It was hell that would await him when he died, not heaven.
But maybe he was wrong.
And he too had a right to paradise.
But strangely enough...
The closer the light got, the warmer Goren felt, and above all, he heard what sounded like a small voice.
A little voice he couldn't quite make out, but which became clearer and clearer as the light drew closer to his body and began to surround him.
That voice.
My God...
It was a woman's voice.
A woman's voice that was so sad, and was joined by intermingled sobs.
Goren was sure he knew this voice.
But he still found it hard to understand what she was saying.
And he wished he could.
When the light encircled him, the voice was very clear, and he understood what it was saying, despite his tears.

She said Bobby.
But who was this Bobby?
Could it possibly be him?
He was at a loss.
But tried to remember if the name sounded familiar.
And strangely enough...
The name rang a bell.
But what.
- Oh Bobby...
At this complaint, filled with despair, images appeared in his mind.
A teenager, or rather a woman just out of her teens, was standing there, her long, slightly wavy chestnut hair cascading over her bare shoulders, her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately, but very awkwardly.
What did that mean.
Suddenly, he had an epiphany.
This young girl barely out of her teens, who called him Bobby, was none other than Alex, the girl he was madly in love with.
But then why...
Why did he hear such sadness in her voice when she spoke his name.
What could have happened to make her so sad.
Was it her fault.

The last time he'd seen her, Alex was no longer a child, but a woman in all her splendor, with all the generous curves of her body, no doubt due to the child she'd had.
As she thought about the child Eames had had, images of a teenage girl with golden, slightly wavy hair took up residence in her mind.
My God...
Lucy.
The last time he'd seen Lucy, who was none other than his daughter, was when he'd taken her back to her mother.
But then there were no memories.
Alex...
Lucy.
To the two dearest women in his life, he opened his eyelids, stumbling into a cold, white room, where several medical devices stood, including a monitor, where he could read and enter the pulsations of his heartbeat.
He was in a hospital room.
But why was he there.
Goren felt a little breath on his fingers, which prevented him from questioning himself.
He looked down to where the breath was coming from, and his heart stopped as he recognized who was there, his little golden head asleep on his hand.
Alex...
It was Alex who was there.
- Lassie...
At that name, he saw her wince in her sleep, which made him smile.
Yes.
It was his kid, all right.
Alex couldn't stand him calling her that.

And always had been.
But for him it had been a very affectionate word, and still was.
So even if she hated it, he'd keep calling her that.
Just to see her wince, or rebel.
That was how he loved her.
- Lassie... He brought his hand to her chestnut hair, and stroked it with infinite gentleness. Wake up.

- Lassie...
Eames winced at the name.
No, he didn't.
Goren wasn't going to call her that in his dreams.
Besides, it was the first time he'd called her that in his dreams.
It was really strange...
Could Goren really be talking to her.
A flicker of hope rose up in her, but fell flat.
But he wasn't.
It simply wasn't possible.
He was on a hospital bed between life and death.
So how could he talk to her.
She had to stop mistaking her dreams for reality.
- Lassie... Wake up.

At the gentleness of his fingers stroking her hair, and especially at that name, Eames opened her eyes, only to come face to face with two brown eyes gazing at her with infinite gentleness.
My God...
Eames must have been dreaming.
Goren couldn't be there, watching her, let alone stroking her hair.
And yet...
The softness of his long, slender fingers on her hair, and the gentleness of his gaze on her, told her it was true.
But she had to be sure she wasn't dreaming.
So she stood up and leaned her face towards his.
- Hello, lassie.
At that name, and the smile on Goren's lips, Eames realized it was true.
There he was, wide awake in front of her.
She felt immense joy, as well as relief.
Goren had pulled through.
But at the memory of how he'd called her, she winced, not liking it.
Goren was never going to stop calling her that.
She couldn't stand it.
- Stop calling me that... I'm not a...
- Lassie. Goren's smile widened even more. Yes, you are. He brought his hand to one of her chestnut locks, curling it between his fingers. At least for me.

At these words, and his gestures, Eames blushed violently, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
- You're back to your natural color... Eames nodded, her cheeks rosy. You're much prettier with your natural hair color.
Was this true?
Did Goren prefer his chestnut color to the golden one?
It was true, he'd always told her, that he liked her hair color.
And when she'd doubted him, when she'd lost confidence in him, she'd wanted to erase that color from her life.
But since he'd been there, between life and death, she'd completely forgotten about coloring her hair again.
And why should she.
Nothing had mattered since the tragedy.
And all she'd wanted was for Goren to wake up.
And today, here he was, wide awake.
Eames felt tears of joy welling up in her eyes, clouding her vision.
At the tears beading in Eames' big hazel eyes, Goren felt his heart clench, and he lost his smile.
- Alex... Is all this sorrow my fault.
Was it Goren's fault, all this grief...
Eames shook his head in denial.
It wasn't.
It wasn't Goren who had asked to be shot.
In addition, these weren't tears of sadness, but of joy.
She was so happy to have him back.

Goren had spent months between life and death.
And despite what the doctors had told her, Eames had refused to let them pull the plug.
And she'd been right.
But knowing she'd almost lost him...
Her joy was replaced by sadness, sadness that she'd almost lost him, and tears cascaded down her cheeks.
No.
Anything but this.
Goren couldn't stand it.
Didn't want to see Alex unhappy.
Alex had rarely cried, and even if it had been infrequently, he remembered it badly.
And right now, Eames was crying.
- Alex... He brought his hand to her cheek, caressed it with extreme delicacy. Why so much sorrow.
This was too much for Eames, who had held back her grief for too long.
She brought her hands to her face and burst into tears.
- Alex... Don't cry...
Don't cry.

And how...
When she'd almost lost him.
And why did he always worry about her, before worrying about him.
It wasn't fair.
After she'd lost faith in him, doubted him so much, Goren was kind, and but most of all, he was worried about her.
No.
Goren shouldn't have been like that with her.
On the contrary...
He should have laughed at her grief.
- Bobby... I almost lost you... She couldn't stop crying, her grief was so strong. If I'd known...
So that was it.
So he had almost died.
And how...
Goren could hardly remember what had brought him to that hospital bed.
But little by little, images returned to his memory.
He'd been at svu, with Stabler, and there'd been a massacre, and it was the daughter of a victim who'd shot at everything that moved.
And strangely enough...
He remembered trying to reason with Stabler, but one moment, she had pointed the gun in his direction, and everything had gone black.
So that was it…

The victim's daughter had shot him, almost killing him.
Hence Eames' grief.
Good God...
He absolutely had to find something to make her smile, or say something to make her stop crying.
Maybe he should try to be funny.
But how...
He had a very peculiar sense of humor.
But who knows.
Maybe it would work.
- You realize... Eames lowered his hands, to look at him perplexed, his face bathed in tears. You could have been rid of me at last.
He wore a mocking smile on his lips.
But Eames didn't find it funny at all.
She knew he'd always had a very peculiar sense of humor.
But now...
Seeing that Eames was looking at him shocked, and making a grimace of disagreement, Goren realized he'd have been better off keeping his mouth shut.
- I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.
At his words, Eames shook his head in denial.
Goren didn't mean to...
He was sorry.

So that was it.
He'd wanted to be funny so she'd stop crying.
And not to cause her more grief.
Good God...
How silly he could be at times, for a super-intelligent man.
But that was one side of him she appreciated.
When he was a complete idiot.
- Bobby... She brought her hand to her forehead, brushed against it. You're such an idiot sometimes.
Pardon.
A big idiot...
Him.
Eames wasn't serious.
Besides, he'd wanted to make her laugh, to take away her grief.
So if he was an idiot, it was because of her.
She'd always made him a complete idiot, making him do anything and everything just to please her.
So she had only herself to blame.
- If I'm an idiot... It's...
Eames shook his head in denial, a small mocking smile on his lips.
So that was it.
She was laughing at him.

Eames was lucky he was in that hospital bed, or he'd have taught him a lesson by making love to him.
But at this thought, Goren lost all desire to laugh.
He still remembered everything that had happened.
And that the woman standing in front of him, he had lost her for good.
Just because she'd thought she'd lost him, and cried, didn't mean she'd come back to him.
But strangely enough...
Even though he knew there was no hope, he still hoped.
Who knows, maybe...
Maybe...
He had to know for sure.
So he took his courage in both hands, even if it meant getting hurt for good.
- Alex... Is there any chance of you coming back with me?
At her words, Eames' heart sank.
That she'd come back with him...
After what she'd done to him.
No.
She couldn't.
She never could.
Eames was too ashamed of herself.
Ashamed of herself for not trusting him, for doubting him.
And how could he love her…

No.
It was not possible.
No matter how much he wanted to.
- Bobby... Je...
- Dad.