Hey ya'll!
Trigger warning: mentions of rape. (But Olivia is on the mend!)
This is a practice fluff chapter, lol. I'm trying work on my fluff skills. I hope you enjoy!
After a night filled without any rest due to the recurring nightmares, Olivia's breaths finally started to even out around 5:00 am. Elliot continued to rub small circles on her back as she laid into his side. "You're going to get through this because you have an army of people behind you." He whispered in her ear and sealed his promise with a kiss on her shoulder.
Olivia woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. She stretched out and rolled the covers off of her. She finds it surprising that she feels rested seeing as anytime nightmares of her personal hell plague her mind, she wakes up feeling like she was hit by a truck. But today it feels different. She doesn't feel the overwhelming sadness. She doesn't feel like she is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. She feels peace. She makes her way to the kitchen with a genuine smile on her face.
"Good morning, bubs!" She leans down and kisses Noah on the head. "Morning, mama" he responds with a mouthful of eggs. Elliot and Olivia both let out a chuckle. "How'd you sleep?" Elliot asks Olivia as he pulls her into a hug and kisses her cheek. Olivia raises an eyebrow at him "Well… other than that?"
"I slept fine, thank you… for everything." Olivia hugged him tightly and then turned around to the stove. "So, what's for breakfast?"
"El made eggs, bacon, and French toast!" Noah said before he gulped down his orange juice. "I'm so full, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to go to school today." He slumped down in the chair and put his hands on his belly.
"Nice try, bub." Olivia let out a chuckle. "You go brush your teeth, wash your face and get ready. We need to be out of here in 20 minutes."
"You know if you wanna finish breakfast and relax before your appointment, I can take him." Elliot said while sliding a cup of coffee in front of her as she sat down at the table.
"I appreciate that, I really do, but it's important to me that we try to stay on our schedule." She smiled up at him while taking a bite out of the bacon, but stopped mid bite when she saw that her words hurt him. "I didn't mean it like that. I just…"
"No, it's okay Liv. I get it." Elliot said as he turned back around to start cleaning up the kitchen.
Olivia took a moment and then said "How about we all go and then you can drop me off at my appointment?"
"Liv… You don't have to do that, but if you mean it… I would love to." he said while trying to hold the excitement about Olivia showing her vulnerability. Even if it was just a little.
"Of course I mean it." Olivia said, getting up with her plate in hand. "We'll be having breakfast on the go this morning." She grabbed some tupperware out of the cabinet and slid the remaining food into it. "I'm gonna go get ready and throw some clothes on. Can you check in on Noah and make sure he's getting ready?" She called back over her shoulder.
The drive to school was eventful. Noah was talking a million miles a minute until Olivia decided he needed some tunes to hype him up for the day. They listened to the Hamilton soundtrack on the entire ride to school. Noah and Olivia sang at the top of their lungs while Elliot looked at both of them as if they each had two heads.
"TO THE BRIDE!" Noah sang
"TO THE BRIDE, TO THE BRIDE!" Olivia echoed leaning into Elliot with her imaginary microphone.
"TO THE BRIIIIIIIDE." The mom and son duo sang together. "From your siiiiister, who is always by your siiiiide"
"To the UNIOOOON" Olivia and Noah immediately stopped singing and looked over to the driver's seat. "What? You guys listen to this soundtrack everyday like it just came out. I've caught on to a thing or two." He chuckled without even looking at them.
"Well I for one am proud of you, but you're a little off-key" Noah said as they pulled up to the school. "But we'll work on it." He chuckled as he and Olivia got out of the car. "Practice makes perfect, El. I'll see you later. Love you!" He shut the door and Elliot sat there dumbfounded until his eyes caught Olivia's tear-brimmed ones. "I love you too, bud! Have a good day at school." He waved him goodbye.
"Well that was…" Elliot started, but Olivia interrupted "Unexpected", she laughed and grabbed his hand as he drove off from the school to Lindstrom's office.
"It was, but I feel…" He squeezed her hand, "I feel at home." He lifted her hand to his lips and gave it a soft press.
Olivia rested her head on the headrest and turned the music back on. Mentally preparing herself for her appointment.
"Good morning, Olivia. How are things?" Lindstrom asked her as they both settled into their respective seats.
"Well…" She put one leg under her body and pulled her cardigan into her body, "Where would you like me to start?" She let out a sad chuckle.
"You tell me." He said unfazed by her avoidance.
She took a deep breath and slumped down in her chair. "For starters, I feel really happy. I feel at peace, but I also feel lost." She looked up at him in confusion. "I have so much going on. So many emotions in my head, but somehow I'm able to organize them. It doesn't feel like they're taking over my life and it feels… wrong"
"What's changed? What is helping you organize these thoughts?"
"My family… you'd be surprised what letting those around you help you out when you're down can do for a girl." she gave a little laugh. "It's almost as if you've been telling me that this whole time."
"Well, I'd like to think I'm pretty good at my job, Olivia" He added to the banter, but knowing there was more to this story he went in for the kill. "Why does it feel so wrong, Olivia?
She took another breath and went to speak but nothing came out so she gave a shrug as a silent tear slipped down her cheek. "I- Lewis raped me. Fin found the video while investigating an illegal porn site. I know that I was adamant that it didn't happen and I wasn't lying… the first time and I just thought that if I didn't say anything, that it would make it not real. I mean he was dead. And I couldn't… I just couldn't go through another rape kit. And Amelia… Oh, poor Amelia. I made her close her eyes and cover her face. I mean I don't think she was old enough to know what was happening anyways. And now it's back to bite me in the ass and at first I felt-"
"Olivia…" Lindstrom reached out to touch her hand to stop her spiraling. "Take a breath, okay? Let's take it one thing at a time."
Olivia took another shuddering breath. "Okay, let's take it from the beginning yea? Lewis raped you. That's a heavy burden to carry, Olivia. Did anyone know?"
She let out a dark chuckle. "I already had my whole team, hell… maybe even the whole city questioning my ability to do my job before this happened. Before he stole the one thing I fought my whole life trying to protect. There was no one to tell without losing my livelihood."
"Don't blame yourself for that. You did what you had to at the time." He looked at her with sincerity.
"I knew as soon as I walked into the hospital that the truth would be worse than a little white lie. There was so much pity in every pair of eyes I met."
"And how are you feeling now?"
"I don't care anymore. I have my job, I have my son, I have… Elliot." She blushed a little, "I've my entire career telling survivors the truth will set them free and I've decided the truth is going to come out anyways, so I should get ahead of it."
"And how are you going to do that?"
"We're going to hand the case over to the feds, and I'm going to report to 1pp tomorrow. I have faith they'll do the right thing. Even though my former captain seems to think their finding is going to be catastrophic, I have a little hope. Because even if this doesn't work, I pay you the big bucks to help me through it."
"Olivia, I am truly proud of you. You know I am here for you every step of the way, but it's my responsibility to be honest with you… It's not going to be a smooth road."
"I know this, Doc. I've worked in SVU for a long time. If anything I'm most afraid about people seeing the video. It's graphic. VERY… graphic. I know people are going to wonder about me. I know I'll get the pity eyes, but as much as it mattered back then, that's not my main concern now. How will that affect them?"
"That's understandable, Olivia. But truthfully my concern is you. This is going to be a treacherous journey. There are going to be times when it'll feel too fresh to handle. With this new information, we're going to make a crisis plan, okay?"
"I know I seem optimistic, but I'm not delusional. I've already had several breakdowns during this whole ordeal, so a crisis plan isn't the worst idea, but I also now know for myself that this was never my burden to carry in the first place and it's not fair to me, my son, or those around me. I'm ready to heal, Peter."
Soooooo... what do you guys think? I know I don't update this regularly and I'm sorry, but at this point I just write when I can. I plan on this to have three or four more chapters and then we'll be finished! I may even try to do a fluff sequel or something. I'm not that great at fluff, but I used this chapter for practice so let me know what you think about a sequel! Please review if you'd like. Thank you for reading!