I'm thinking about focusing more attention on this story just because it is less developed than my other story. I might, and I stress the word MIGHT write two chapters in a row, but no promises. As always, constructive criticisms are welcome. I do have a discord if yall are interested in it. discord. gg/9ah46GFzbn

I do not own Konosuba, Kadokawa Shoten does. If I owned it it would make less sense. I also do not own Touhou. That belongs to ZUN. If I owned Touhou it would make more sense.

My Very Own Lunatic Mansion

The plot bit my ass. Again. To be fair, I had once again fallen into routine. I would go from the stables (I found the inn to be too expensive for my cheap ass), to the adventures guild and from there get several quests. Luna allowed me to take a max of five at a time because of the amount I was doing a day. Then Luna approached me with a quest. She was well aware that I was homeless, and apparently decided to take pity on me due to looking like a child. Apparently winter was going to be coming in a couple months, so I would need to be inside or be frozen. I doubted I would be cold due to the amount of female adventures I would wake up to snuggling me. To be completely clear, I would fall asleep alone under the hay. How on earth they could find me and dig me out without me knowing was anyone's guess. Ah, but I digress. Luna offered me the cursed mansion quest. Apparently, Aqua had messed up again. Her mistakes are for my gain I suppose.

In other news I had a plan. It was a simple plan. I go into the mansion, and I recruit the dolls. Now, some may call me insane, and to that I say, they are technically right. I am a clinically diagnosed sociopath with some kleptomania and pyromania added into the mix so… No argument from me. But, I do believe that I am an insane guinness. For one, the dolls would be awesome to fight beside. I could already envision myself flying with a swarm of dolls surrounding me, all of our eyes glowing red. It would be even better if I could get them to fire Danmaku. I really need meds so I can stop going off topic like this.

Going into the mansion I frowned, it was really dusty here. I shrugged it off and hummed my theme song to myself as I walked up the stairs to the master bedroom. Walking in, I sneezed at the layers of dust. I'm going to need to hire someone to clean this entire thing aren't I? Deciding that it would be a problem for me later. I walked about the place to familiarize myself with the place. To say the least, the place was huge. Not even taking into consideration that I was really short and small which while having a few upsides, I really didn't like. I walked into the kitchen and had to take a minute to compose myself. ALL OF THE COUNTERS WERE AT EYE LEVEL TO ME. Other than that, the kitchen was big enough to have a small army of cooking staff working it and had surprisingly modern appliances. It had a cold box, stove top, oven, and even running water.

Feeling hunger started to take me, I walked out onto the street and headed over to the adventures guild. I quickly scarfed down some food and started to head out when I saw the ad I put up a while ago. I cringed at it and tore it down. No need to leave it up there.

Making it back into the mansion, I went to the master bedroom and fell asleep… for all of 2 hours before waking up. The dolls were here. I looked at them all outside the window, pressing themselves into the glass. I walked over and opened it, letting the dolls in the mansion. They immediately swarmed me, trying to steal my clothing. I flared my Lunatic Eyes and began to float with the use of Fly. It seemed to work for all of three seconds before they swarmed me again.

This… would take a while.

It took a bit, but I worked it out. By a bit I mean the entire fucking night. I did convince the dolls to help me. It took many promises such as cleaning out the cemetery, playing games with them, and telling them stories before I went to bed. I have realized the cemetery next to this house is a childs cemetery, which explains the amount of possessed dolls. The dolls just wanted to live out their lives as children, which is great and all, but it's a pain to deal with about a hundred dolls that are all hyperactive. Luna stopped by in the middle of me playing 3D tag with the dolls and had a mini heart attack at me chasing the dolls in the air by flying while laughing maniacally with my Lunatic Eyes blazing red.

I tagged one of the dolls and flew down to Luna, canceling the Lunatic eyes on the way. She calmed her breathing as I walked the rest of her.

"Howdy! There anything I can do for ya?" I had fully embraced the art of being an adorable and insufferable little shit.

Luna for her credit just deadpanned, "I was checking in on you to make sure you didn't get your clothes robbed off you like the priests that came here. I see now that my worries were misplaced"

"They are pretty cool once you get to know them."

"And why were they all here haunting the mansion?"

"Ah, so apparently, someone with blue hair set up a really big spirit ward in the cemetery. Since they can't haunt the cemetery, they came to haunt this place. It doesn't help that one of them used to live here. They see this as a big play date."

"That… makes way too much sense, you engine of chaos."

"That's heresy," I mumbled under my breath with a small smile.

"What?"

"What?"

"I swear you just said, 'that's heresy,'" Luna said, crossing her arms under her bust.

"I don't remember saying that."

"You're also insane."

"Yep!"

"That's not something to be proud of."

"You're being a meanie," I said, pouting at her.

She flinched at the look before sighing. "You can communicate with them right?"

"Yep!"

"Then could you give us a better description of the person who put the ward in the cemetery?"

"Sure. Hey guys! Who was the person who put the ward on your graves?"

The dolls all screeched as I turned on my Lunatic Eyes and started to try fixing their garbled speech. It was great that they understood humans, but them trying to talk was a lot harder. The Lunatic Eyes made it possible though. I just had to tweak the sound waves!

"SCREEEahlue hair, blue shirt and mini skirt, blue eyes, and a weird blue orb in her hair."

"Good news, I think I know who it is," Luna said massaging her temple. "Bad news, she's already in major debt so good luck getting anything from her."

"Eh, I don't really want anything from her anyways. It would be fun to see her get punished though."

"Bye," Luna said, not even acknowledging my want for punishment.

"Hmph, what a meanie. What do you guys say that we prank her?"

Several screeches of agreement came from the dolls as they started to levitate in a little mini frenzy.

*Alert, The Destroyer has been sighted heading this way. Evacuate immediately.*

*All Adventures, please meet by the Adventurers Guild*

I gave a downright feral smile at that. "I'm going to get myself a mech!"

I giggled as I skipped over to the guild like the town wasn't about to be vaporized. I once more, had a plan. I was going to go under the shield for The Destroyer, and then get into it while it was moving. I would then go to the control room and find either some way to control it, or destroy it without it blowing up that one guy's house.

Luna was explaining her plan of getting people over to the opposite gate from where the destroyer was coming from to help the evacuation process. Kazuma did his Kazuma plan and I smirked mischievously at the massive lick I was about to do. I walked ahead of everyone under my Lunatic Eyes invisibility.

Continuing far ahead of where Kazuma was having Aqua do her spell break, I dug a small hole and sat in it. Waiting for the Destroyer to show up, I started to look at the clouds and think about their shapes. After about half an hour, I felt the ground shake and could hear The Destroyer's legs creak as they moved. I peaked out for a second and saw it approaching my hole. All according to keikaku.

As The Destroyer walked over my hole, I hopped out and got onto its armor plating. Quickly scrambling to the door and opening it I went inside. As the door opened, The Destroyer stopped moving and then sat down. I was confused for a second before shrugging it off and walking inside. There were several security golems that I bypassed through my Lunatic Eyes. Making it farther into the maze, I eventually found the control room and looked over all of the controls. I already knew of the skeleton and the book so I made my main priority the controls to the thing.

Furiously looking over the several panels, I eventually found an Xbox 360 controller in a drawer and plugged it into the cord connected to the main console. Booting up the console made several screens appear as cameras on the outside turned on. Pressing start I went through the menus and found the autopilot option and turned it off. I also turned the auto targeting it had on the turrets onto "Monsters only" mode. The next logical step was to get myself authorized as an admin to the security golems so I searched through more drawers, finding a gaming headset which was plugged into the controller, and the security badge for the poor SOB that was a skeleton.

I put the badge on my suit, and then scooted the skeleton off my new seat. Booting the movement protocols and putting the headset on my ears, I found that there was a speaker on the outside of the spider mech. The mech probably was meant to be a command center for whatever nation's army built it. Turning on the speaker I spoke to the people outside through the gaming headset.

"The plan you made to destroy The Destroyer was clever. However, I had a more clever plan. A plan that lets me use The Destroyer to destroy the Demon King. Eventually."

The cameras showed the dumbfounded looks of the adventures outside as they peaked over the walls at my Destroyer that wasn't walking. Pushing the left joystick forward to walk towards the town, many of the adventures steamed and hid behind the wall again.

I walked over to the town and stepped over the wall, getting the spider bot to walk over to my mansion and set it down in the backyard. Exiting the bot I walked out to the street and looked up at the sky. Yep It's been a day. Humming to myself I walked over to the adventures guild again and got myself some food. Luna interrupted my meal to yell at me.

"What were you thinking? Do you have a brain?" Great start. She's already screeching.

"I was thinking I wanted a cool mech." I said proudly.

"How did you even know that would work? What would happen if you were wrong? If you died?"

"Are you my mom?"

"Huh?" That seemed to confuse her before she shook it off. "What does me being your mom have to do with you being an irresponsible little shit?"

"Well, since you aren't my mom, why do you care?"

Luna paused for a second before sighing. "You may not be a child, but you look and act like one. I don't want to see a child die, so let me scold you, and pretend to be at least a little guilty."

"Fine, go ahead mom."

Luna grit her teeth but continued. "Now tell me, what would have happened had we blown up the destroyer with two explosions while you were in it, or heck, at the small point where you were climbing on its armor plating?"

"Um, I could. Hm. I don't know. Fly?"

"And how would flying help you from the explosion?"

"Good point, I have no idea."

Luna growled at me before walking off and leaving me to my meal. I scarfed it down, not wanting to spend too much time in the excessively loud guild hall before going home. Lunch in my stomach, I went home and was greeted by the dolls wanting to know what I was doing all day. I actually think I was starting to get attached to this world in all of its insane glory. May the Goddesses have mercy on this world. BecauseI certainly wouldn't.

Some of yall might be confused about the Lunatic part of all this stuff and I shall give you an explanation. You see, Lunatic is used to describe crazy people. Back in ye olden times, people believed the moon made people crazy. In latin, moon is luna. Lunatic is used in this story as a double meaning, it's used to show that the protag is crazy, and to show his connection to the moon. If you already knew this, then great! If you didn't, well now you do!

Side note, don't expect updates to be this fast. I know I just posted the last chapter for Cold Blood yesterday but don't expect this speed all of the time.