Addison was washing her hands after finishing a long fetal surgery that had taken her all afternoon. She turned off the faucet, grabbed some paper towels to dry her hands, opened the clip hanging on her white coat, took off her rings, and put them back on as she always did. It was such a daily habit that she did it without thinking. Almost twelve years of doing it every day.

She walked to her office to change her uniform for a more elegant outfit. She liked to be well-dressed when seeing patients outside of the operating room. A Forbes Montgomery would always look impeccable –except for the day after finding some panties in her husband's pocket. But that's another story that was put behind days ago and no one would want to remember.

After putting on a delicate white striped blouse and a matching black pencil skirt, she touched up her makeup and sat at her desk to look at the images that Sophia had given her of her baby. She had been thinking about doing that since they left her appointment, and now she finally had the free time to do it.

She still couldn't believe that the ultrasound was hers. She had seen that type of black-and-white image countless times, yet she never thought she would cry one day holding one of her own child. It was perfect. Perfect size, perfect development, perfect implantation. At this stage, its limbs were starting to develop, and its heart was already divided into two chambers. She smiled as she remembered the sound of the heartbeat. A strong, steady, and perfect heartbeat. She had no words to describe everything related to that little bean she was seeing.

She watched it for a few more seconds until the sound of her cell phone distracted her. She picked it up to see who was calling, and Mark Sloan's name appeared on the caller ID.

Mark calling again? First last Thursday, then on Saturday. She hadn't answered on either of those occasions and now he was calling again on Monday afternoon. She was hesitant whether to answer it or not. Just the thought of his face made her feel nervous and anxious.

"Addie?" Derek slowly appeared in the doorway. She quickly threw the cell phone into her bag.

"Derek," she responded nervously. "What are you doing?"

"Do you have a moment to talk?"

"I... yes, I do. What's going on?"

"I think maybe you should tell your secretary to cancel your scheduled appointments for this afternoon..." He walked slowly to sit in the chair across from her.

"What? Why?" she asked, frightened.

"Addie..." he said, looking at her with his gentle eyes. There was no easy way to communicate this. Not even for them, who were accustomed to often communicating the death of their patients to their families.

"Who died?" she said with a thread of voice. The lump in her throat was already beginning to form. She knew that look from Derek. It was always the same look.

"Doc. Doc died."

"What? No... no..."

"It was on Saturday night, he... he was very sick, Addie."

"No..." her eyes quickly welled up with tears, and her heart was squeezed.

Derek got up to go to her side. Addison clung tightly to his arms as she sobbed aloud. Tears wet her entire face, reflecting the sadness and pain she felt at that moment.

She was convinced that the treatment would work. She had chosen to believe in it, to hold on to the idea of seeing her baby playing with Doc in the forest outside the trailer.

Derek held her with helplessness, unable to do anything to take away her pain. A pain that both of them felt.

"Calm down, Addie," he whispered, trying to comfort her. He knew no word could serve as consolation in that moment.

"He was such a sweet dog, he didn't deserve this, we should have done more for him," she said with a choked voice.

"I know it's hard to accept but we did everything we could, you know we did..."

"It hurts so much to know that I won't be able to see him run again, or stroke his fur, or take my shoes out his mouth..." she said and broke down in tears again.

Derek's eyes became moist as he watched her cry like that. He wished he could prevent her from suffering, but he knew that the pain wouldn't just disappear. He stayed by her side, holding her, stroking her back, letting her know that he would be there ready to support her for as long as she needed.

After a while, Addison began to calm down. She was still crying, but not as intensely. Sobs came out of her mouth. She pulled away a little from her husband and looked into his eyes.

"I wanted the baby to meet him... I wanted them to have a best friend who would always take care of them..."

"I know," he brushed away a strand of matted hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"I never had pets, you know how Bizzy is," she chuckled ironically, "the only pet she let me have was a hermit crab... but the air filter made too much noise, so I turned it off and... and it died. It didn't last more than two weeks..."

"We can have another dog later... for the baby to play with," he offered.

"I don't know. None will be like Doc... that dog had something special, I don't know how he managed to win my heart in just a few months. It felt like he had been by my side all my life, you know? Now my life will feel so empty and dark without him..." Another tear fell heavily down her face.

"Hey... we have a little light growing here," he said, placing his index finger on Addison's belly. "Our lives will never be empty."

She smiled halfway. She knew Derek was right, but she couldn't help feeling that sadness overshadowing every drop of happiness she had.

~•~

"Meredith wants us to have a small funeral in the woods tonight," said Derek, bringing two cups of hot chocolate. He had gone to buy them as soon as Addison started feeling a little better. It was a tradition of theirs in New York to have cocoa after a bad day.

"Oh... okay. Let her do it," she took one of the cups Derek offered her and took a sip.

"Are you willing to go?"

"Oh, am I invited? I didn't think Meredith would want to see me after sleeping with my husband."

Derek didn't know what to say. Addison was still very angry about what had happened, and rightfully so. It wasn't going to be forgotten easily.

"I don't think I should go," she continued.

"Why not? You were his owner too. You have the right to say goodbye."

"I don't want to cross paths with her. I still have nightmares about her black panties. I don't even want to see you. I actually despise you."

"You know I regret doing that, it was a stupid act and I apologize again for doing it. If I could turn back time, I'd erase that whole incident.

"The problem is that time can't be reversed, or else I'd have chosen to undo mine with Mark as well. It would've been much easier than begging you to fix things for a whole year..."

"We're even. We both did the same thing. I forgave you, you could forgive me too."

"Oh, Derek, did you really forgive me? Or is that just what you think?"

"I gave you another chance."

"That doesn't mean you forgave me. I don't know if you'll ever be able to truly forgive me. And if you don't, there's no chance that this relationship will work."

Derek remained silent. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to deny what she was saying because it could be true. Maybe that's why he couldn't connect with her again. Maybe he never tried because of that.

"Would you forgive me?" he asked after a few minutes.

"I don't know... should I? What guarantee do I have that you won't go back to her while I'm standing there like a fool waiting for you?"

"Addison..."

"Or what if you regret it in a few months, when I'm huge and round, and I can't even see my toes anymore. Will you still love me? Or will you go for the sexy 12-year-old with a model-like body?"

"You know I don't love you for your body, it has never been about your body."

"So you don't find me desirable. Great," she said, getting up from her chair and walking towards the door. She noticed herself crying again.

"Addison," he followed her. He was starting to lose his patience. The pregnancy clearly made her more sensitive and paranoid, it's not like he hadn't given her reasons to feel that way either, but he felt like she was experiencing everything with much more intensity than usual.

"Leave me alone! I wanna go to my hotel and never see you again," she said through tears as she walked away from his grasp.

"Don't you want to come to the funeral tonight?"

"No!"

~•~

Meredith, Finn, George and Cristina were on Derek's property that night. Izzie was still depressed over Denny's death, so she chose not to attend. They all had had nice moments with Doc.

Meredith had decided to cremate the body to scatter the ashes near the lake. It was his favorite spot, where he spent his happiest days. Derek agreed with that decision, as it was the right one. So they were all walking along the dark forest trails towards the lake, illuminated only by moonlight.

"I feel like this whole ritual is ridiculous, but... he deserved it," Meredith said, dodging a fallen tree trunk.

"He was a good dog, even though he always hated me for no reason," George said.

"Oh, animals are never wrong. There must have been something in your dark Bambi body that he found," Cristina added.

"Hey, you're the worst out of all of us. If it were true, he would've never come near you."

"Now is not the time to argue, have some respect for Doc," Meredith interrupted, holding the urn. Both of them nodded.

"You could have brought a flashlight or candles. Something. I can't see anything here, I could fall into a well and no one would notice," George complained.

"Then fall into one and shut up," Cristina responded. Meredith stopped again and looked at them angrily. "Sorry, hey. You know I'm just trying to make this moment easier..."

"Is Addison not coming?" Finn asked, changing the subject.

"No, she... She was tired. She operated for several hours this morning."

"Oh well, I'll stop by your trailer later to say hi."

Derek swallowed hard. Since when was Finn so close to Addison to want to say hi to her?

"She... doesn't live in the trailer anymore." Derek said.

"She doesn't? Did something happen?"

"I don't know, maybe Meredith knows..."

"Derek, it's not the time," Meredith said nervously. Finn didn't know what had happened at the dance, and she had no intentions of letting him know either.

Derek's cell phone started ringing, it was Addison calling. He stepped aside from the group and answered.

"Addison?"

"I'm at the entrance of the trailer... I changed my mind and came. Doc deserved all of us being there... And I... where are you, Derek?"

"We're on our way to the lake... wait for me there, I'll come get you. Don't come here alone."

"Oh... alright."

"Addison is at the trailer, I'm going to get her. You guys go ahead and we'll catch up later."

"Okay..." Meredith said.

The others continued along the trail while Derek turned around and quickly walked to the trailer.

~•~

"I know, I should've told you earlier, but I wasn't going to come. I was about to go to bed when I changed my mind," Addison said as soon as she saw him arrive.

"It doesn't matter, let's go. Let's bring some candles, it's very dark."

"Alright, there are some in the kitchen cabinet..."

Derek went in, grabbed the package of candles and a box of matches, and returned to her.

"Let's go, hold on to my arm. I don't want you to fall or trip."

"You know I can walk perfectly fine without anyone's help?"

"I know, but just in case. There are raised roots somewhere and puddles of mud. I don't want to take any chances with the baby."

"The baby's fine..." she said, taking his arm.

~•~

After a while, Addison and Derek joined the rest. They were waiting to begin the ceremony. They lit some candles to create a warmer atmosphere and stood side by side, facing the lake.

"May your soul fly freely through all the corners of this forest that once made you so happy. May you find the peace you didn't have on Earth and wherever you are now, may you be happy..." Meredith said seconds before opening the urn and letting the ashes out. There was a gentle wind that night, so they didn't take long to disappear.

Addison couldn't help crying again, and Derek wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

Meredith saw that gesture and her stomach tightened. She felt jealous, envious, confused, and sad. She wanted to be there, with him, mourning the death of their dog.

Instead, it was Finn who hugged her.

~•~

"You should stay overnight here, it's late," Derek said once they got inside the trailer. They had already said goodbye to the others.

"I don't think it's a good idea... I... I don't know if I can share a bed with you again. I think I have to go back to the hotel..."

"Come on, Addie. We both know you don't want to spend the night alone. At least not tonight."

She was silent, thinking about what excuse she could come up with to leave, but deep down, she wanted to stay. She wanted to be cuddled in his arms all night, just like they hadn't slept in a long time.

"We can forget for one night that you're mad at me and hate me, sleep together, and you can go back to hating me tomorrow, okay?" Derek suggested with an affectionate smile.

She nodded slightly.

"I could never hate you, Derek."