Chapter 15: C.H.E.R.U.B
A brilliant pair of golden wrought iron gates gleamed in rays of sunlight. The gates stood on a pile of clouds colored white, blue, orange and pink. The gates had curves and a white cloud arch design on the double doors.
The doors opened to reveal a hovering blue-gray crystalline structure shaped like a sun in the center, which may have been a Throne angel. An office building was designed like a large golden harp near a cobblestone path. A series of buildings rested atop more clouds, glass and windows within curved cloud-like roofs of blue and orange.
A nearby sign framed by clouds read "Cherub Towne," opposite of "Imp City," in Hell. Beyond another golden gate was a silver city of buildings off in the distance surrounded by teal halos: Holy City. Like Imp City, Cherub Towne lay on the outskirts of Heaven, further from the more dominant society of ethereal alien-like angels. And like Imps, Cherubs were of the lower class in comparison to the saints (former good humans gone to Heaven) and the elite HeavenBorn angels.
The C.H.E.R.U.B. headquarters consisted of a tall office building with a golden design over it shaped like a harp. The "strings" were positioned over the windows. Down below, the trees were shaped like various swirled candies.
Inside the office building was a sign on a door that read "C.H.E.R.U.B. Headquarters." Cletus, the leader, paced back and forth as his colleagues sat at a round white table decorated with a dark purple Christian Cross on it.
They sat in white wooden polished chairs in the immaculate room. On the walls were portraits of the cherubs in the sky with angelic choirs in the background. Written on the white board in front of them were the words "God loves you," "Praise Jesus," "Love saves lives," and "Be a sheep, not a creep!" Various bar graphs and pie charts were on the board as well.
Cletus had the appearance of a little boy wearing reddish overalls and a yellow undershirt with a white collar. He had a chubby pale baby face with clown-like blushes off to the sides. His eyes were large and purple and his short hair was a light ginger pink in a fluffy style. His elegant wings were white feathers with purple feathers toward the bases. A white halo hovered over his head. Cletus was short-tempered, self-righteous and dedicated to his job.
"Greetings everyone!" he said, waving one of his flabby small arms. "I know business has been a bit on the decline, but I know we all have what it takes to move it back up. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault..."
Cletus glanced at one of his colleagues, Collin, who whimpered softly. Collin resembled an anthropomorphic sheep with white wooly hair and a periwinkle face. His eyes were purplish and his hooves were thick and lavender. He wore a sky blue shirt and white overalls with a white bow tie around his neck. He had white feathery wings with a curved light purple base, plus he had a halo.
Collin was the most sensitive and kind of the three, caring about his clients and humans the most. He was the only one who showed sympathy toward mortals, rather than as an obligation to his job like the other two cherubs.
"I completed all the paperwork, I swear," said Collin. Collin had been a record keeper of human sin, choices and religions for decades. Now he recorded God's messages, and the progress of each human they saved.
"Make no mistakes!" Cletus said. "You know how God and the authorities are about mistakes..."
Collin gulped briefly as Cletus' shadow covered his face. He rapidly nodded before Cletus pulled back.
"Excellent! Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get our business drumming up again?" Cletus asked.
Keenie eagerly raised her hoof. She was a yellow anthropomorphic sheep with yellow wooly hair and a yellow face. She wore a frilly yellow flowery dress with red trim and a large red bow. Her butterfly-shaped wings were yellow and her eyes had purple pupils with red irises. She also had a yellow halo above her head. Although she was dedicated to her job, she was overly modest and judgmental. She viewed demons as dirt and had low tolerance for what she deemed as inappropriate.
"What about a car wash?" she asked.
"Cars are already clean here," Cletus mentioned.
"Hmm, maybe a billboard." Said Lamberta she is an anthropomorphic sheep with white wool, dark gray face, limbs, and ears, and tiny red horns. Their large black eyes feature horizontal pupils. On top of her head is the White Crown, an object of great power that is white in color with two pointed prongs and a blue eye in the center. Around the lamb's neck is a black collar with a golden bell dangling from it. And is wearing a red cape that is covering her body.
"Already have one," Collin mentioned, pointing to a large sign outside.
The billboard showed the four cherubs in a happy hug. In bold white letters to the left, it read "C.H.E.R.U.B. (Certified Heaven Employees' Reliable Uplifting Business.) We're Here To Spread Life And Love At No Cost! Call Us Today At 1-800-CHERUB Or Go Online At ."
Cletus sighed happily. "One of our greatest accomplishments thus far."
Collin glanced at a piece of paper with comments on it. "It appears that our progress has been well-received by many. But there have been a few complaints.
Like this one: 'You spend all your time saving random people but where were you when Kobe Bryant died? Or Brianna Taylor? James Lipton ring any bells? And how dare you failed to save our beloved Ariana Margarita Rodriguez Hernandez?! If you guys weren't non-profit, I'd sue you...but I think I will anyway!'"
Collin looked downcast. "Those people are now here in Heaven. Sadly we can't save everybody. And does anyone know who that Ariana What A Mouthful Name Is?"
Everyone shrugged their shoulders and briefly gave her a moment of respectful silence. Then Cletus interrupted it.
"Oh that reminds us!" Cletus exclaimed happily, lifting up a finger. "We have our next client to visit on Earth...and he's a Lipton too!"
He pulled out a picture of an old bald man from his overall pocket. "This is Lyle Lipton, a famous inventor of Lyle-Loopty Robotics!"
"What?" Collin asked. "I thought we were supposed to be visiting James Lipton?"
"Nope, this guy is different," Cletus said. "He's helped make vehicles, robots, cell phones...even experimented with machines for anti-aging! Very wealthy too."
"It's incredible how much human cultures over the centuries have influenced the very fabrics of Heaven and Hell," Collin added. "Clothing, cuisine, customs...it's like a mesh of time periods in one vast society! Lyle's technology has certainly improved efficiency and the economy up here."
"That's pretty impressive," Keenie gaped in amazement. "And just think of what he can do to spread his wealth around to the world! He could fund churches, schools, businesses..."
"That's what we heard!" said Cletus. "We got a request to bless him from one of his family members here. They said and I quote: 'The old fart is greedy as...f. Proceed with caution.'"
"Well mean or not, we still need to save him," Lamberta added. "I'm sure we can convince him to do good things in his life. It's our job after all."
The cherubs all nodded.
"Well then it's settled!" Cletus called, doing a happy loop around the office. "We'll save that man's life and get that rating boost we need!"
All of them cheered and raised their arms.
"Oh and don't forget, we still need to do our jingle and commercial today!" Cletus reminded them.
"C-c-commercial?" Collin asked in concern. "What if the other angelic Orders suspect us too much? Plus I hate the spotlight."
"Relax Collin," said Cletus. "What bad thing could possibly happen to us?"
0 0 0
Later on, the C.H.E.R.U.B. commercial began, spreading to television stations in Heaven and Hell alike.
The commercial started with the golden heavenly gates opening up on top of the colorful clouds among sunlight. The sun shaped crystalline structure/Throne angel appeared in the center.
It cut to Cherub Towne in the clouds. The buildings were slightly slanted and covered with cloud-shaped roofs of blue, orange and white. Another pair of golden gates had three golden eyes on the top. In the background lay the halo-surrounded silver city.
Cletus appeared on the screen.
"Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessings!"
The jingle began.
The clip showed a man falling to his death without a parachute. "Owie!" appeared in a bubble over the man.
Collin sang, "Does it make you want to cry?"
Keenie added, "When your loved one has to die?" as another human got run over by a red Thomas the Tank Engine speeding train. "Oh No!" appeared in a censoring thought bubble.
"Does it hurt you through and through..." sang Lamberta as a man was shown accidentally shooting himself in the face in a "Man Cave." "Oopsie!" was in another bubble over his face.
"When you face is turning blue?" They all sang as a mustached man struggled to breathe in a hangman's noose.
"Well luckily for you!" sang Collin with a pose.
"There's something we can do!" sang Keenie and Lamberta with a pose.
Cletus smiled against the sunrise clouds.
"We can help keep them alive!" Cletus sang.
They all posed in a side hug and sang:
"So you can watch them thrive!"
The four cherubs flew together side to side as their logo "C.H.E.R.U.B." appeared in bold orange and gold letters on the screen with the registered trademark.
"Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.!" they all sang.
"We'll save your honey bun from dying violently!" added Collin.
The next series of clips showed Lamberta saving people from muggers, natural disasters and various accidents. Cletus rescued a woman from a pack of animals while Keenie shoved a frightened Collin toward them, as he held a wooden plank with a nail in it.
"Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.!" they all sang.
"No, we never even ask a fee!" added Keenie.
The next clip showed a human handing dollar bills to Cletus, who waved out a dismissive hand.
"Because good people spread the love!" Collin sang.
The next clip showed Collin, Lamberta and Keenie hugging each other as yellow hearts spread out in all directions.
"And we're here for all above!" Keenie added in song.
The next clip showed a spinning earth with more glowing hearts around it in every direction.
"We do the paperwork for you!" added Cletus.
An exhausted Collin rapidly wrote down at his desk surrounded by piles of paper around him. A white puppet sat on his desk by the "in box". A nearby sign displayed a message from God: "Surround yourself with people who will lift you up. So ditch your loser friends you can't use." God was promoting a snobby rich mentality for the citizens to be "nice" and keep up their appearances.
"And the heavy lifting, too!" sang Collin.
Keenie lifted a heavy boulder from a flattened woman. The woman gave a weak smile and thumbs up.
A man in a car crash with a torn up chest and battered skin weakly smiled as the sheep cherubs appeared around him. The man was drunk on Holy Spirit for some reason. A nearby billboard showing the incompetent doctors from the pilot read: "Injured? Good!"
"So sit right back..." sang Cletus before they all harmonized, "And let us bless a soul for you!"
Cletus smiled and flew close to the screen. He joined his companions who lifted their heads up and sang in harmony. The golden C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appeared above their heads as they held hands.
"Oh we, are the C.H.E.R.U.B.!"
("Certified Heaven's Employees' Reliable Uplifting Business.")
The C.H.E.R.U.B. commercial ended on a small old fashioned TV before...
Bang!
The TV exploded into flames and debris. Blitzo had exploded it with a tan colored flintlock pistol. He had a look of disapproval regarding the commercials.
Millie grinned next to him. "Nice one, B!"
"Give me another, Mox, Lily!" Blitzo ordered.
Lily stepped up and swept away the debris with her hand. Moxxie put up another old fashioned TV onto the white stand. With an apprehensive look on his face, he turned the TV on. The glowing 666 News logo appeared.
Blitzo poured gunpowder into the flintlock. "Eh, naw, not feelin' it. Next!"
Moxxie switched the channel. A black and white clip showed Betty Boop dancing erotically with prominent breasts and a black pitchfork in her hand. Both Blitzo and Millie looked bored.
"Uh huh, keep going, keep going, keep going!" Blitzo insisted.
Moxxie switched the channel again. This time, an imp appeared wearing a large black top hat, a white shirt and pants, gray vest, black bow tie and black boots. He held a cane in his hands and he also had a thin curly mustache. A mischievous grin of sharp teeth appeared on his face.
"I say, I say!" the imp exclaimed, briefly pointing his cane at the camera. "Are you looking to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?" "Crazy Contraptions" and "Goofy Gadgets" appeared in bold spiked icons to the imp's left and right. The imp twirled his cane.
"Well call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea 'Factory!'"
He pulled down another screen. The title appeared in bold red, gray and white letters surrounded by pinkish circles reminiscent of classic cartoons. "Factory" appeared in quotations. Wally Wackford appeared again.
"Where you make the things and I make the money!"
Wally Wackford then got up closer to the camera with a pleading look. "Please, I'm very desperate!"
"Bingo!" Blitzo called, shooting and exploding the TV again.
"Woo!" Millie whooped. "You're on a roll, sir!"
The white board behind them showed a bunch of arrows, exclamation points and squares connected together. One drawing in the upper right hand corner showed Robo Fizz getting eaten by a dragon, with "Nom!" and "Ha!" written next to it. Another doodle showed Verosika Mayday sitting in her car with a sign that read "walk, bitch!" "Mood board" was in big letters off to the left.
Loona was sitting on Lobo's lap and was taking a nap as Lobo allowed his girlfriend to rest up. As she was snoring and mumbled in her sleep he smiled at her cuteness. Then Lobo senses were overloading as something was coming.
He then nudged Loona who woke up from her canine sleep. Loona's cup of water spilled from a sudden shake. "Guys, do you feel that?" Loona asked in concern. As she and Lobo stood up from the chair. Their senses were going haywire.
Then the door to the meeting room opened as Matilda walked in. "Uh guys do yall know what's going on?" She said as she went over to Lobo for protection.
"Oh shit, is that a hell-shake?" Blitzo asked.
"That's impossible?" Moxxie asked as his pointed tail suddenly shot up in fear.
Lily held onto him in comfort. "Everything is going to be alright honey! Don't panic, Moxxie!"
"Calm down, Mox, you're going to have a panic attack." Millie said as she hopped on Lobo's shoulder.
"I'm not 'panicking,'" Moxxie replied, doing quotes with his fingers. "...because hell-quakes don't happen."
Lobo came over and patted him on the shoulder. "Moxxie calm down everything is going be fine."
Loona roughly grabbed hold of Moxxie and shook him. "Stop getting hysterical, fatty!"
With a powerful swipe from her paw, she flung Moxxie across the room, where he landed against the opposite wall.
Smash!
The wall collapsed behind Moxxie, covering him in debris. The wall had been destroyed by what appeared to be black mechanical tubes in a wrecking ball shape. Posing on one knee on the debris was a thin super villain man. The man stood up as the others watched. Lobo pulled everyone behind him as he summoned Ebony Ivory.
"Do not be afraid!" said the man, spreading out his arms. He grinned and extended his metal contraptions into loops behind and around him. The man wore a black suit with a green spiraling arrow pointed down toward his crotch on the front. His boots were tall and green. He wore red gloves and a red cape. Red pointed horns curved near his black top hat. A thick black elegant mustache and a pair of glowing green spiraled glasses completed his whimsical weird look.
"Please tell me you got that insurance thing," Blitzo mentioned to Lobo, referring back to when he first learned about the term on Earth.
An angry Millie took out a sharp black ax with a red pentagram on it. "Who are you and what do you want?!"
"I'm Loopty Goopty!" the man greeted. He swooped into the room on a loop on his contraptions and landed between Blitzo and Millie. He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and obscured his lower face with his cape. In a sing-song voice he added, "Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!" He leaned into an angry Millie.
"Moxxie!" Lily gasped, rushing over toward him, past the villain. She quickly lifted up the debris and flung it away. Moxxie gasped loudly for breath and coughed. She supported Moxxie and led him to an adjacent leather chair.
"Thanks honey," he croaked, eyes fluttering.
"Of course I wouldn't just leave you under there while you were struggling for breath!" she said. "Who would do such a thing?!"
Moxxie weakly laughed.
Loona stood with a hand on her hip, staring at Loopty Goopty. "Could've just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing."
"I am eccentric!" Loopty Goopty exclaimed, leaning toward Loona who flinched back. "...and therefore must do eccentric shit!"
He waved back and forth in a little dance. Blitzo sniffed near his behind and flinched.
"Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"
"Yes!" Loopty answered. "Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me here!"
Loona tapped on her phone. "Just sayin', the front door would've gotten you here fine."
"Shut up, dear furry!" Loopty Goopty exclaimed, holding a finger close to Loona's growling angry face. Lobo wrapped his arm around her trying to comfort her. She relaxes and smiles at her boyfriend.
Loopty turned around and held up a small black and white photo of an old bald man in bed.
"This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill!" he said in a singsong voice.
Blitzo took the photo from him and examined it.
"Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge?" Blitzo smiled and walked toward him. "I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent."
Blitzo shook Loopty's hand.
"What "o"?" Loopty asked.
"Aww thank you," Blitzo smiled, taking Loopty's confusion as a compliment. "Now what's the tea, sis?"
"The tea?" asked a confused Loopty.
"Yeah, why're we killing this guy? I mean, what did he do to you?" Blitzo pressed, playfully elbowing him.
"He was...my business partner!" Loopty exclaimed. "You see, I was not always an old man."
An old brown shaded film montage depicted Loopty's early human life.
"My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!"
Lyle and Loopty posed with capes and spiral glasses on top of a tall building labeled "Lyle-Loopty Robotics". The building was surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke. Loopty put wires together while Lyle tightened a bolt with a wrench.
"Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop or reverse the aging process!"
The two inventors stood in front of a giant white dome shaped machine labeled "De-age-ifier".
"It could've saved all three trillionaires!"
The two of them strolled into the machine and closed the metal door.
"Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius."
Loopty briefly leaned out the door and double checked to make sure the lever to the right was set to "young" on the top. He started hard at two of his employees before disappearing back into the chamber. The two employees talked in hushed tones and stared at a family photo of a mutilated old relative in ragged clothing.
"I told two of my employees to keep an eye on the lever, to make sure it was set right. But the machine was accidentally set forward!"
With determined expressions of vengeance, one of the employees pulled the lever down to "old," just before the machine started. He wasn't going to allow Lyle to mess with his impoverished relative again.
"By the time we managed to get out, it was too late. At least, for me."
The two men struggled to open the door, pounding hard on it. Both of them rapidly shriveled up and aged. They stared at their wrinkly arms, hands and faces in horror. Lyle grew old and fat and slid down to the floor. Loopty clutched at his bony chest, suffered a heart attack and collapsed to the ground. A man opened the door and mentioned for doctors to come in. They put a stethoscope over Loopty's heart and shook their heads somberly. A dark skinned woman put an oxygen mask over Lyle's mouth and nose. Loopty's body was zipped shut in a body bag.
"Now that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together! Without me to share it with him, he'll make all the god damn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire and get all the credit!"
Loopty imagined Lyle laughing evilly as piles of dollar bills rained on him.
Back at the office, Blitzo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's not really evil," he deadpanned.
"It's evil toward me!" Loopty exclaimed. "Now get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!"
Blitzo spoke. "You do know, Poopty..."
"Loopty!" Loopty seethed in anger. Blitzo held up his hands and then runs behind Lobo for protection.
"Of course, of course. If we do kill him though and he ends up down here, you know, you will be stuck with him, forever."
"Oh, trust me!" Loopty grinned. He summoned an array of weapons with his metal tentacles: several guns, a launcher and a spinning gear. "I'm counting on it!"
"That's kinda hot," Moxxie remarked as everyone glanced at him as he realized he said that part out loud. Nervously he hides his face in Lily's chest as she laughs at her husband.
0 0 0
Blitzo looked at an elegant brown mansion through binoculars. The circular front porch was shaped like a money bag. The wrought iron fence was gold with a money symbol on the gates.
"Gee, I wonder whose house this is?" Moxxie sarcastically asked.
The imps were on a large red tour bus, wearing their temporary human disguises that Lobo was able to change them from imps to humans. The smiling tour guide wore a white shirt and a green baseball cap with a dollar sign on it. His hair was ginger and messy with a thick bang near his black eyes.
"And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton."
"Oooh!" said the impressed crowd as they snapped pictures on their cell phones.
Blitzo peered at the mansion, lowering his yellow lense sunglasses. Blitzo takes the form of a light brown-skinned human male with dark brown hair with a white streak. While he retains his white burn mark which can be considered vitiligo on his face. And retain his clothing, his irises change to pale red and sclera to white.
Millie takes the form of a brown-skinned human female with black hair. She retains her clothing and her sclera changes from yellow to white. Moxxie takes the form of a pale-skin human male with white fluffy hair and brown freckles on his face. He retains his clothing and his yellow sclera changes to white.
Lily takes the form of a light brown-skinned human female with black hair. She retains her clothing and her sclera changes from yellow to white. And Lobo is in his human disguises as well.
"Let's do it, gang!" said Blitzo.
Blitzo pulled out his flintlock pistol, Moxxie pulled out a rifle and Millie pulled out two deadly black and red swords. Lily pulled out a Colt M4 LMG and Lobo pulled out his Sickles. They leaped over the fence and posed.
"Let's kill this rich guy!" Millie exclaimed before they all scurried forward toward the windows. Lobo made sure to put and Illusion over them. The humans didn't question how the lawn suddenly have five Gardner in it place.
The tour guide added much too casually, "And here you'll find five Mexicans working on the lawn! Rich people love using labor workers to their advantage!"
The people kept snapping pictures.
The imps and Lobo leaned against the wall before peering in through one of the large windows. Blitzo had a white cat sock puppet on his hand. The imps spotted an old Lyle bedridden in a large room. The room had portraits of money bags and one statue was of another money bag. He was connected to an IV and monitors, leaning against a sweat-stained pillow.
"Wow," Moxxie remarked. "That machine really did a number on him."
Inside, Lyle kissed a picture frame in his hands.
"Goodbye, my one true love."
The picture was of a pile of dollar bills with a "free stock photos" watermark on it. He ran a wrinkled saliva covered finger down it.
"All the riches of the world cannot fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value."
He somberly crafted a hangman's noose out of the IV tube.
Blitzo beamed. "Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!"
"Should we go in there and tie it for him?" Moxxie wondered.
Lyle got ready to put it over his head. All the imps and Lobo watched eagerly with popcorn and drinks. Just as he was about to do it, the tube glowed white and a strong force sent the imps back as they held onto Lobo. Blitzo's kitty sock blew into the air, his face crestfallen at losing it. The group turned back around. Inside, the four cherubs floated gracefully in their own columns of sunlight.
Lyle adjusted to the light and grimaced. "Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!"
"Who the fuck are they?!" Blitzo yelled in anger. Moxxie stood up and pointed a shaking hand toward the mansion. "Oh no! Sir, those are..."
"Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!" Cletus greeted cheerfully as all four posed together.
Lyle raised a fist. "I hate filthy stinking orphan children!"
Collin spoke. "We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing..." he did a little bow. "...on behalf of those in Heaven benefited by your amazing technological advances."
"Oh hell no!" Blitzo yelled. He stomped forward and crashed through the window, "Don't listen..." He face-planted onto the floor among the littered glass shards. Moxxie opened a nearby door and Millie, Lily and Lobo followed.
"Lyle Lipton, it is our..." Moxxie began. He glanced with concern at the fallen Blitzo and continued, "...humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die."
Millie walked in. "I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old and gross?" She made disgusted faces.
"Is that a serious question?" Keenie exclaimed. She did a graceful swoop in the air. "He can help spread his wealth around with people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!" She happily threw dollar bills into the air.
"No!" Lyle declared.
"He could pay for new hospitals and schools!" Lamberta added.
"Why won't you let me die?" Lyle asked.
Blitzo appeared next to him with a wink. "Oh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?"
Moxxie rapidly tossed a variety of weapons to Blitzo, who held them in a pile in his arms.
"I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas..."
Collin glared in anger. "He'd never take his own life! He's classier than that!"
Collin turned around to see Lyle aiming an assault rifle toward his mouth. The cherub promptly took the gun from him.
"There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle." Lamberta said.
"Yeah, right. Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months," Millie remarked. She sniffed, covered her mouth and retched onto the floor. Moxxie and Lily patted her back. Lobo looked a little green due to his hellhound nature; it heightened his senses and his smelling sense was overwhelmed due to Lyle's foul odor.
"Love can be beautiful at any age," Cletus added.
"And we'll show him!" Keenie joined in.
The cherubs cheered "Yay!" while the imps plus Lobo yelled "No!"
0 0 0
The cherubs lifted Lyle's bed and set it on a hill. There was a picturesque view of a forest and a shining lake. The sun shone in the blue sky and fluffy white clouds perched in the air.
"Look around, Lyle," smiled Cletus. "God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age...or wealth!" He winked and snapped his fingers.
"If you were to end your life," Collin added, "You'd be missing all of this!" He slowly waved an arm.
Blitzo appeared in a tiger costume as the cherubs narrowed their eyes. Blitzo made eye contact with Lyle and said with a grin, "Mhm, you're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?" He did a motion of a dick in a hole with his claws.
Keenie covered her mouth and the cherubs gasped. Keenie angrily pointed at him. "That is so inappropriate!"
"But they didn't deny it." Lobo whispered to himself with a deadpan expression.
The other three imps appeared in cat costumes. Millie appeared in a white cat costume with a red collar with a pentagram tag. She lifted two middle fingers. "Oh, kiss our ass, prude!"
Moxxie stood nervously in a black and white cat costume reminiscent of Husk (minus the red wings).
Lily was in an orange tabby cat costume with a red bow tilted on her head.
Lobo was in a wolf costume and had a robe cover his upper body.
"Guys," Moxxie said. "All this fighting is not gonna solve anything..." but Blitzo ignored him.
Blitzo shoved Lyle aside and sat next to him. "Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close."
Lyle looked through the binoculars and saw a group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters were suddenly torn apart and eaten by two hungry wolves. "Oh no!"
"S-stop looking!" Collin cried, trying to tug the binoculars away.
Lyle held onto the binoculars. "I can't stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!"
A brown bear swiped one of the wolves to the ground and it whimpered. The bear raised a paw over the wolf but was promptly crushed by a falling tree. A logger grinned while operating a chainsaw. A beehive fell on his head and over his face. The logger screamed as the bees buzzed. The chainsaw flew in the air and sliced off both his arms. Then out of nowhere, a charging brown stag skewed the man with its antlers as lightning flashed in the sky.
Everyone froze in horror, even Blitzo was wide-eyed, with his paws against his face.
Cletus laughed nervously and did a motion with his arm. "Let's go check out someplace else!"
Lily and Moxxie did a fist bump in their costumes, though Moxxie looked visibly uncomfortable. Lobo licked his mouth as he was in tune with his canine side and got hungry at the animal's carcass. Millie giggles at her boyfriend's reaction and can't blame him.
0 0 0
The bed traveled until landing on the grass.
"Oh, lord. Where are we now?" asked Lyle. "Let me perish."
"We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for. Childhood wonderment!" Keenie exclaimed.
Lyle looked to see a bunch of children playing on swings and slides on a school playground by the school where Mrs. Mayberry used to teach. One boy had a "craft mine" shirt as he swung. Another boy ate his booger before climbing up the structure.
"Why, look at those sweet diseased-ridden vermin," Lyle remarked. "Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood, and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this."
Just then, Blitzo arrived in a black robber costume and ski mask. "Run, dipshits! It's a school shooting!" Lily, Moxxie, Lobo and Millie flanked him in dark hoods, Moxxie looking disappointed. Blitzo fired several rounds from his pistol into the air, scaring the kids off. Lyle cried like a baby as Keenie and Collin covered his eyes while Lamberta covered his ears. With a worried expression on his face, Cletus moved the bed along.
0 0 0
"Eh!" Lyle spat. "This place reeks of teenagers!"
In a forest, a nearby wooden sign read "Lovers' Lookout: I guess..." in white letters. Teens were making out and stripping in nearby cars. The sky was pink as the sun set.
Cletus flew toward Lyle. "Lovers' Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you of possibly life's greatest joy of all –"
"Money!" Lyle said greedily, lifting up shaking hands.
"No; Love!" Collin smiled, hands over his heart.
"I've never been in love before," said Lyle. "I imagine it's quite nice."
"It's not too late!" encouraged Lamberta. "You can still find..."
"Ha! Nice try, ugly."
Blitzo arrived with his crew, who were all wearing dresses. Blitzo wore a pink dress with a long blonde wig, a pink frilly scarf and black hoop earrings. Moxxie wore a lavender dress and a short blonde wig. Millie wore a pink and black dress and thick eyelashes.
Lily wore a black and blue dress with a belt across her stomach and gold loop earrings. Lobo is wearing a blue long button up shirt with black dress pants, black loafers and a black suit jacket and pair of dark shades. Millie looks at Lobo as she has a hungry look in her eyes and couldn't wait to mount him later.
Blitzo pulled out his megaphone decorated with a mouth design. "Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man?"
All five vehicles sped away in response. Lyle looked ejected and pooped himself.
Collin flew into Blitzo's face. "You know, you guys are so utterly c-c-cruel. We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!"
"Oh, and you four are so superior to us, just because we want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to kneel over dead!" Millie retorted.
"You know, you are kind of taking things too far," Moxxie told Blitzo.
"You're making things too real now, Moxxie," Blitzo deadpanned. He squirted piss into Moxxie's face from a spray bottle labeled "piss." Moxxie flinched and hissed.
Lobo sweat drops at their behavior and wonders where the fuck did blitzo pulled out the bottle from and Millie told him don't question it.
0 0 0
Meanwhile at an opera theater, a woman dressed like a Viking on a white horse sang an opera on stage. A well-dressed man in a brown suit and bow tie played a black grand piano. The cherubs were dressed formally as well.
Cletus now had a pinkish colored suit with a bow tie. Collin wore an indigo suit with a white bow tie while Keenie wore a fancy yellow dress with a red bow on it. The stage backdrop consisted of a large sun and stars.
"Behold, the wonder of art and music!" said Cletus to Lyle. "Something always here to comfort, entertain and live for!"
Up above the stage, Blitzo wagged his butt like a cat in anticipation. The imps plus Lobo stared down at the performance.
"So, how do we make this bad?" Millie asked.
"We can't," Moxxie replied. "There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's a fact."
Blitzo wagged his butt in Moxxie's face, his face slanted. "Unless, we ruin it somehow."
With a mischievous grin, Blitzo grabbed hold of a stage light. He moved the spotlight around the stage. The woman briefly stopped singing and moved into the light and continued. She did the same thing again and again when the spotlight moved.
"She's not very good," Lyle remarked.
Blitzo moved the spotlight faster and faster, the woman raced to keep up as she sang on and off. All the cherubs and Lyle narrowed their eyes in suspicion. Millie snuck down into the shadows and used her tail to briefly trip the singer down the stairs as she tried to follow the spotlight. The crowd gasped in concern, but the singer stood up and climbed back on the stage.
Millie hurried back to the group, unseen. Up above, Blitzo moved the light even faster until he accidentally dropped it. He gasped softly. The woman stood under the spotlight and let out a final note before the stage light crushed her underneath.
The audience, the cherubs and Lyle all screamed as a pool of blood was visible on the stage floor. The man at the piano nervously tried to keep playing.
"Oh, at least we made it bad," Blitzo said.
"Not good, sir," Moxxie glowered, furious and worried about the whole operation. Lily patted her husband on the back to calm him down which worked as he smiled at her.
"That's it!" Cletus yelled as he and the cherubs flew angrily toward the imps. "I have had it!" He pointed a finger at the group. "You monsters have messed with us enough!" He made a swiping motion with an arm.
"D'ooh," Collin stuttered, trying not to get angry. "We're just trying to do our j-j-job!"
"Well, so are we!" yelled Millie.
"Enough!" Cletus screamed as he and his crew summoned golden crossbows with heart tips on the arrows. The bows were different colors unique to them: periwinkle for Collin, pink for Cletus and yellow for Keenie. They each aimed their crossbows at the group.
"We are saving that shitty old man's life whether he wants it or not!" Cletus declared.
"B-but don't forget that he's still just a flawed human. We could t-teach him so much-" Collin began, before Keenie spat to her colleague, "Shut it! We don't have time for that."
"Well someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay?" said Blitzo. "And he paid in advance and I spent it all on this..."
Blitzo held up a green horse figure decorated with colored gems and sunglasses. It had a baseball cap with "mare-ajuanna" on it. He put it away.
"...so he's gotta go!"
Keenie flew into Blitzo's face. "You are all such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of humans?!"
"So are you!" spat Lily, barring her sharp teeth. She pulled Keenie down by her necklace. "So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, cotton candy tit-havin' bitch?!"
Both women growled.
"Filthy demon crap!" screeched Keenie, ramming into Lily.
Intense opera music played as the fight scene began. Keenie and Lily rolled over in a cat fight on the floor. Cletus, Lamberta and Collin shot golden arrows at Blitzo, Millie, Lobo and Moxxie, who raced down the catwalk, dodging them. The golden arrows sparkled and dissipated.
Moxxie ran and jumped down, swinging from a rope. He held a pistol in one hand and aimed it at Keenie. Keenie and Lily fought in the air, Lily slapping the cherub across the face several times. Moxxie fired at a rope which released a bag. The bag separated Keenie and Lily and Moxxie caught Lily.
Moxxie and Lily grabbed each other's faces with lustful grins. They French-kissed with their long snake-like tongues, as they spun around and fired their weapons through the air. Lily's bra fell off and Moxxie lost his bow tie, both spotted by Blitzo. The arrows and bullets hit and killed the audience members in the first two rows, minus Lyle.
Reflected in one of Lyle's eyes, Moxxie and Lily were French-kissing and in his other eye, Collin and Keenie were aiming their crossbows. Lyle then pondered his life.
"It's all starting to make sense now. Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures far beyond this world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living. Killing myself is not the answer. Plus, I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I no longer crave death!"
He stood and held dollar bills in both hands in triumph. The remaining audience members clapped before they were shot down as well.
Millie was riding on Lobo's shoulder as he was dodging the light spears Lamberta was throwing at him. Lobo pulled out Ebony and Ivory and tossed Ivory to Millie as she caught it and both returned fire at Lamberta. Lamberta with shocking reaction speed began dodging the bullets, shocking Lobo and Millie.
Blitzo ran along metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol and jumped onto another one attached with rope. Cletus aimed his crossbow at Blitzo but in the blink of an eye, Blitzo tossed his weapon into Cletus' face.
"Ah! You fucker!" screamed the cherub. Blinded by the impact, he accidentally shot an arrow at the rope, causing the scaffolding to fall down to the stage floor, taking Blitzo and the imps with it. The scaffolding narrowly missed the pianist. The man straightened up his bowtie and used his stool to step down from the higher leveled floor part. The piano was then sent flying into the air.
I.M.P. and C.H.E.R.U.B. followed the falling piano with their eyes. Lyle screamed in terror as he scrambled over and off his bed, wearing a diaper. He cowered in another seat before the piano landed and crushed him.
Moxxie and Lily were tied up together on the floor. "Well, well. Would ya look at that?" Moxxie said. All the imps shared smug grins. "You did our job for us! Heh!" Millie smirked and gave the cherubs two middle fingers. All four cherubs gasped in horror.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my God!" cried Collin.
Keenie slapped Collin across the face. "Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do not use the Lord's name in vain!"
Cletus glared one last time at the imps. "This isn't over!"
The cherubs summoned a colorful portal to Heaven and flew through it...but then were suddenly repelled back.
"What the?!" Cletus asked.
Five more cherubs came through the portal. Rachel, a white sheep, Beau, a gray sheep with a bow, Honey, a bee, and Bea, another bee. The four hovered with their hands in prayer. The last cherub, the leader, was a brown deer dressed in purple overalls, a lavender shirt and a pink ribbon. Deerie conjured up reading glasses and a clipboard.
She spoke to the cherubs in a condescending manner. "Mmm, yeah, no sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeah, no..."
"What?!" cried the four C.H.E.R.U.B. members in disbelief.
Deerie chuckled. "Yeah, mm, sorry. Yeah, no..."
"Is there anything we can do?" Collin asked with a whimper. Deerie filed her hoof before chuckling again. "Yeah, no! Oh no, no, no." She then said "no" to Collin, Cletus, Lamberta and Keenie as she pointed her front hooves at them. All of them had tears in their eyes.
"Uh! But we didn't mean to!" Keenie pleaded. "We never! It was all..."
She pointed down to the scaffolding where I.M.P. was, but they had already left for Hell. Keenie screamed in horror and her companions gasped, eyes wide.
Deerie just smiled, "Anyway, sorry guys. But those are the rules, yeah!"
She did a happy wave and a "Bye!" as she and her group of cherubs flew back up through the portal.
"Wait! But..." Cletus flew up toward the portal but it had already closed. Cletus sniffled, then cried a river of tears from his eyes. The other cherubs also broke down into sobs.
0 0 0
Meanwhile back in Hell, Blitzo clapped his hands together.
"Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so we failed."
Blitzo began to walk toward the hole in the wall before stopping.
"Thanks to those fucking cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now so, it's a shame."
He stared forlornly at the red sky and the city buildings. "All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now, the two are forever separated. And now, we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up."
"Sir, when are you going to tell the client?" Moxxie asked in concern.
Blitzo turned around. "Oh, I already sent him a text and, we're in good hands 'cause texts don't make people angry."
The texts on his phone read "U fail, U die." Blitzo responded with "Sorry" surrounded by emojis with "saxophone emoji" a line below.
Crash!
A metal plank crashed into the room from above as Moxxie scurried out of the way. Loopty Goopty strolled down the plank. "Blitz!"
"Loofa!" Blitzo called, saying his name wrong. "We can explain everything. I was..."
Crash!
Lily pulled Moxxie out of the way before another metal plank landed in the spot where he would've been. From on the floor, Blitzo's butt was very much in view. Blitzo glanced down at him and remarked, "Oh chill out Moxxie, if you kiss my ass any harder you'll go right inside me."
Moxxie turned beet red in the face and scooted further back. Lily helped him up again.
"Thanks for saving me again," Moxxie said. "I would've foamed at the mouth and maybe died again."
"Why would you think I would ever ignore you?" Lily said
Moxxie shrugged.
Just then, the demonic form of a man rolled down the plank. His body was black and spherical, with a mint green head wearing a black bowler hat on top. He had a large bushy light gray mustache and pince-nez goggles with dark red spirals on the lens like Loopty. His grinning teeth resembled piano keys.
"Lyle Lipton?!" Millie, Moxxie, Lily, Lobo and Blitzo asked in unison.
"I don't understand," said Millie. "We thought you went to Heaven."
Lyle Lipton chuckled. "Heaven?" He rolled toward Loopty Goopty. "You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by not experimenting on the poor!" He laughed.
Loopy Goopty grinned as he unleashed his weapons in front of Lyle Lipton. "Finally! We met again at last! Now that you're dead, you have no money to keep from me!"
"Well, I'm a better inventor than you!" Lyle scoffed. "And I'll make the most money here first!"
"Nonsense you no good son of a bitch!"
"Tie yourself in a knot, loony Loopty!"
"Roll in your grave, fat shit inventor!"
Loopty then laughed evilly. "Inventors to inventors it is!"
Just then, Wally Wackford popped out of the ground in the room.
"Did someone say, I say inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit! I mean employ." He twirled his mustache with an evil grin.
"Everyone, stop fucking up my walls!" Blitzo yelled. "Lobo gonna have to fix all this shit! Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?"
Wally Wackford smiled. "Well I guess you can say, you say, you have a holey operation here, Blitzo!"
Wally Wackford slapped his knee and laughed at his own joke.
"Get out," Blitzo muttered.
Wally Wackford doubled down on the floor laughing. "Oh! I said, 'o'!"
Blitzo yelled, "No, I'm serious, get the fuck out!"
Everyone in the room looked at Blitzo in shock and surprise.
0 0 0
Cletus, Keenie, Lamberta and Collin broke down in heavy tears as they surveyed the area around them. The audience lay slumped and dead in their seats after being shot with arrows and bullets. Metal scaffolding lay bent and wrecked on the wooden stage where I.M.P were moments before. The former opera singer now lay dead and crushed underneath a stage light that had fallen on top of her. And underneath a broken piano lay the dead crushed body of Lyle Lipton, the elderly inventor they had tried to save.
The scene was eerie and empty. The nervous well-dressed piano guy had promptly fled the scene, traumatized after the events. And those accursed demons had jumped through a portal back to Hell in triumph.
As Cletus cried some more, fountains of tears sprung from his eyes. Keenie, Lamberta and Collin rushed in to comfort him. The group had never felt so vulnerable before.
"I...I can't believe this!" Cletus wailed. "We were so close to helping out that man...even though he was shitty and old..."
"Language," chided Keenie.
Cletus continued. "We did everything right, but now we can't get back through."
"It's not...completely your fault," Lamberta said, putting a hand on Cletus back in comfort. "It was all an accident."
Cletus raised an eyebrow at his comrade. "What do you mean 'not completely?'"
"Well..." Collin began.
"You're right, it was those imps' doing!" Keenie interrupted, her white lacy wings flapping in frustration. "If only Deerie had seen what they were doing to us."
The four took some deep breaths and sobs as they slowly calmed down. With a wave of his hand, their fancy dresses and tuxedos clothes were replaced by their regular outfits: reddish overalls for Cletus, a light blue shirt and white bow tie for Collin and a yellow dress for Keenie and red robe for Lamberta.
"What do we do now?" Collin asked, almost in a whisper.
"First thing's first," said Cletus. "We find a safe place to stay for a while. Who knows how long we'll have to stay on Earth?" The others nodded in agreement.
"Urgh," Keenie scowled. "First those filthy demonic trash decide to mock us and now we have to live among these...messy mortals?"
"Oh come on," Lamberta gave a small smile as the four left the theater. They looked again sadly at the deceased humans and made crosses with their hands before flying away through an open window. "Things will work out. We've helped humans all the time. Surely they can't be that bad!"
Their silhouettes followed the setting sun before they landed in a quieter part of town. Neon signs were already humming in the twilight. From inside nearby windows, several woman were wearing dark lace and high heeled boots, pole-dancing to upbeat music. The cherubs huddled close together, staying under streetlights to avoid the dark unknown. Their wings flapped silently as they moved forward inches off the ground.
"I miss Heaven's comforting light," Keenie sighed. "And God's light most of all. It seems like this place is devoid of it."
"There's always good somewhere in the world," said Collin with a hopeful expression. "You just have to know where to look."
"The only thing I see are shabby buildings and humans indulging in their disgusting desires," Cletus remarked. He mentioned to a nearby man who burped loudly after stuffing an entire pizza into his mouth. "The sooner we get home, the better."
Collin took a piece of cheese he bought and popped it into his mouth. He grumbled. "The food here is prison food in comparison to what we have back home. It just tastes so...bland and heavy."
Keenie munched half-heartedly on a carrot. "It's still edible at least."
"Demons eat nothing but raw meat," Cletus added. "Back up above, we could enjoy all the vegetables, holy fruits, and drinks we wanted. Every day was an endless buffet..."
"Stop making me hungry," Lamberta remarked. They fell into silence as a nightly breeze ruffled their clothing and wooly fur.
"I think we should get human disguises soon," Collin later mentioned as they hovered over the sidewalk.
"Yeah, like those hideous costumes worked out well for those imps and that damn mutt Lobo," Cletus rolled his eyes. "Relax, Collin. I'm sure some of the humans will notice and treat us with the respect I...um, we deserve."
Collin huffed. "I sure hope so." He clapped his large front hooves together nervously as if trying to say something.
The group flew around looking for a shelter to stay in for the night until Keenie spotted a beacon in the distance. A tall brick building had a large white Christian Cross on top of it, appearing golden as the sun continued to set. Several stained glass windows showed images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary surrounded by golden backgrounds. Even more spectacular was a nearby towering Christmas tree decorated with gold and silver ornaments and a six pointed star at the top.
"A church!" she called. "Hurry!"
They landed in front of the large wooden double doors, catching their breath.
"My wings are sore," Cletus groaned.
"No more flying for a while," Keenie agreed.
"Thank the Lord for helping us find shelter to stay in." Lamberta said
"Uhm guys are sure we're allowed to be here after what just happened." Collin said but was ignored.
Cletus knocked politely on the door. "Hello? Anybody in there?" No one answer but the door to the church suddenly open and the four look at each other before entering. As the enter the church they saws rows of pews and the altar before them was made of gold, as was the ornate cross situated on top.
Keenie, Lamberta, Collin and Cletus ran to the alter and knelt down in prayer, tears falling from their faces.
"Oh mighty Lord, please have mercy on us," Cletus said. "Please forgive us for the mistakes we made here on Earth."
"Father...we only tried to help a broken man get onto the right path," Keenie said. "We didn't mean to kill him."
"We were trying to rescue people for their unfortunate demise and helped them on a better life." Lamberta said
"We just want to go home," Collin added. "We'll take whatever punishment you give us but please...tell us if there is anything we can do..."
More moments passed as night fell. Stars and a moon were visible through the glass windows.
"God help the outcasts," Collin chanted softly. "God help our cherub people. We look to you still. If you can't help us, nobody will."
"I ask for glory. I ask for fame. I ask for redemption to shine on our name," added Cletus.
Keenie continued the chant. "We ask for your guidance, a way to get by. Help us right our fate, listen to our cry."
Lamberta finished, "Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, please watch over us."
All four said "Amen!" before a colorful portal of clouds opened above them. The cherubs each looked up.
"Lady Gabriel?" asked Cletus. "Is that you?"
A sound of clapping hooves greeted them, followed by a haughty laugh.
"My my, what a marvelous...pitiful performance!"
The brown furry face of a winged deer cherub came into view. A sense of smugness and superiority was clearly reflected in her eyes.
"Deerie?!" the cherubs cried, their faces morphing into angry scowls.
"Wow, I'd expect a more proper welcome from deferential devotees such as yourselves. The human world getting to you so soon?"
"What are you doing here?" Keenie asked. "We called for Lady Gabriel."
"Gabriel sends you her best regards, and says that you guys can rise again and be fully redeemed after a while..."
The cherubs smiled until she added, "Heheh, yeah, no."
Their faces fell.
"I'm afraid you guys can't re-enter Heaven, like I said before. Nothing you can do about it. Rules and all."
Cletus turned red in the face. "But it was an accident! The imps fought us off. They were the ones trying to kill Lyle Lipton!"
"But they didn't, correct? Based on what Heaven has seen, you three not only killed Lyle unintentionally...but you caused much more death and suffering."
"What?!" all four cried out.
Collin thought back to all the dead audience members. They had been so involved in fighting off their rivals that they didn't even notice them.
"It was I.M.P.'s fault!" Keenie argued.
"Yes, but you also played a role in it," Deerie explained. "You blindly shot your arrow, which later caused the piano to crush the old man. We see everything, you know."
Cletus then turned to Lamberta. "About that time earlier when you said it 'wasn't completely my fault...'"
Lamberta stood her ground. "It was though. It was all our faults." She jabbed a hand into Cletus. "But you were so adamant to kill off those imps that you didn't consider who else would be at risk. We should've taken the fight outside! I tried to tell you guys earlier!"
"You're a literal sheep," Cletus replied, getting into Lamberta face. "You never said a word; you just followed my orders like you were supposed to."
"Those imps are nothing more than dirt that the dead tread on," Keenie added. "We may be angels, but we never go down without a fight. Surely you'd do well with being less of a wimp like Collin."
Lamberta scoffed. "I'm sorry. I thought we were supposed to be the good guys. The loving guardians who actually help those we meet. I just realized that we didn't let Lyle Lipton learn his little lesson."
"Five times fast," Cletus snickered, but Lamberta ignored him.
"We didn't tell Lyle how sinful it is to be so immersed in his own greed. He really could've used his riches for good if we had stayed to help him like we were supposed to! We should've explained to our victims why any of their bad behaviors were wrong. But instead we just left them all behind!"
"What did you think we were trying to do?!" Keenie yelled. "We showed him nature, childhood wonderment, young love and the arts. And it would've worked if it weren't for those meddlesome..."
"You done?" Deerie casually asked in the air. She finished filing her hooves and had a bag of popcorn with her. The cherubs turned back to her.
"Far from it, bitch!" Keenie yelled.
"Language!" Collin warned.
"You four have learned nothing, huh? You see scraps, I was briefly summoned here by you guys and I gotta get back soon, so I may as well elaborate on your consequences. Let's see..."
Deerie summoned her clipboard and her reading glasses. On her notepad, she had drawn cats and Invader Zim characters. A side note read "more musical episodes?"
"Not only did you kill one human, but you also killed multiple mortals in the theater. This has made Azrael, the Angel of Death very upset. There are many people that are chosen to die at certain times and let me tell you, having to cross and uncross multiple names can get pretty irksome."
The cherubs stood silent.
"In other words, you're also in trouble for simply...oh I don't know...doing a business and going to Earth without the permission from your superiors! A big no-no."
"But we were saving people's lives, and teaching them God's true path..." Cletus began.
"...or more than likely, saving humans just to boost about your company accomplishments."
"I knew it!" Collin called, glaring at Cletus. "Our main purpose is to help humans because it's the right thing to do. I knew I should have stayed at my record-keeping job."
"You, Lamberta and Keenie thought of joining C.H.E.R.U.B. with me was a good idea and it was!" Cletus protested.
"Cherubs are supposed to do various record keeping for soul count, religions, sins and choices made by humans etc.,"Deerie said. "Just proves that I do my job better than you four after all!"
Keenie smirked. "You sure you're still not jealous because we got to go on exciting adventures? That we became more famous than you?"
Deerie chuckled. "More like infamous now. Cletus especially, you gave into your pride and wrath during the fight. You cherubs are supposed to help spread the holy word of God, and not go into the human world unless necessary."
The cherubs lowered their heads a bit.
"Not to mention several people you saved ended up as criminals. You know, the kind of people who abuse their children, scam others into giving them money, enslaving citizens in other countries..."
"How were we supposed to know all of that?!" Keenie cried. "We saved their lives at the request of their loved ones in Heaven!"
"Which, in turn can cause more global suffering and even an altering of history itself," Deerie explained. "Lyle was destined to die and go to Hell anyway. Your actions are not befitting to your titles as cherubs in the first place. I'm surprised no one has managed to sell you on the black market yet. I guess you can be referred to as...black sheep now!"
Deerie burst into laughter, slapping her furry knees.
"Get out," Cletus muttered.
Deerie laughed some more, wiping tears from her large eyes. "Oh dearie me, I'm so clever!"
Cletus thought he saw a grinning man's face with red eyes and licking his lips behind Deerie.
Cletus shook the vision away before yelling, "No I'm serious, get the fuck out!"
"Language!" the other three shouted, their voices echoing in the vast space. The silence was deafening. Or the noises were hearing.
"Well then, I wish you guys a fun time on Earth," Deerie said. "Feel free to not call me again. I have no use dealing with fallen sheep anyway."
"Can you at least tell us what will happen to us next?" Collin asked.
"Oh that's actually pretty simple," Deerie explained. "I.M.P. will be dealt with in due time. But as for you three..."
She pointed her hooves at Collin, Cletus, Lamberta and Keenie, who each gasped in turn. "In Gabriel's words: 'You will still redeem and protect human souls but this time under closer supervision. You will learn to live among them for a while in the hopes that your arrogance toward those different from yourselves will subside over time. Only after your true redemption may you return to Heaven. I have the utmost faith in you.' End quote."
The four cherubs sighed in relief.
"Oh one last thing," Deerie grinned. "I forgot to tell you the best part." Collin and the others did not like the look on her face.
Deerie continued. "Now that you're here on Earth, you will all be vulnerable to human emotions and sins. Pride, greed, lust, anger, you know it."
"Not gonna happen lady," Keenie spat with her hands on her hips.
"Everyone save for God has flaws. You didn't think that redeeming yourselves would be a stroll in the clouds did you?" Deerie said
The cherubs looked at each other.
"Yeah, so basically you all have a limited time to prove yourselves to Lady Gabriel. A couple days at the very least?"
Collin whimpered with droopy ears as his white halo above him briefly flickered.
"Yeah, so if you don't complete your mission in time...it's a one-way trip down for you!"
The cherubs yelled while grabbing onto each other.
"Yes indeed!" Deerie said. "I can see you three reluctantly joining up with I.M.P.'s rivals to enact your revenge, turning into the winged devils you were destined to become!"
"Nooooooo!" they cried in horror.
Deerie then let out a childish laugh, waving her hoof.
"Damn and here I thought Demons were the Evilness but you winged pigeons proved me wrong." A mysterious voice rang out as the five cherubs turned to the voice.
"And who are you, my mysterious friend, why don't you show yourselves." Deerie said as she prepared herself.
"Well if you insist." The voice said as they emerged from the shadow and he pulled his hood off to reveal Lobo in his original form. The cherubs gasped in shock at how he was able to find them.
"Well well if it isn't the Abaddon killer how wonderful of you to join us are you going to kill us too." Deerie said with venom in her voice as the four other cherubs huddled together in fright. They heard of his fight with Abaddon and knew they were outmatched.
"Well Heaven sent him to deal with me after massacring your elite angels. It is not my fault he underestimates me. And for killing yall, well you haven't done anything to annoy me so no i'm not here to kill" Lobo said with a devilish smile.
"Oh and what does the big bad wolf want with us, is he going to sacrifice us to his Demon Lord's. Or is he going use us as his playthings and mindbreak us to be his mindless sluts." Deerie rambles off as she flew around Lobo then her mubling was cut off as a shadow tendrils wrapped around her body suddenly pulled her towards Lobo. Deerie's eyes widened as her cheeks dusted pink; she was now face to face with Lobo as she looked upon his handsome face.
Lobo saw her eyes were starting to get darker with lust so he quickly released her and brought her face into his hand. "Well if you insist I can bind you to me for the rest of your miserable life." Lobo said as gave a lick to Deerie's face as she shuddered at the dirty thought that were going through her head.
"Are they mocking each other or are they flirting." Collin said as the two were in their own little world right now. Keenie and Lamberta were glaring at Deerie wishing to be in her position but they stopped and shooked away their sinful thoughts but they started to blush.
"Ahem ok so you four better start on your task and maybe you'll get back into Heaven. And as for you the Big Bad Wolf let see if you can corrupt a perfect being like me." Deerie said as she gives a wink to Lobo as she made her way back to Heaven.
Lobo chuckles at her attempt then sets his eyes on the Cherubs as they flinch from his graze. He felt sorry for them but they fell into their sins. He then gains a thinking face and wonder how he can help them. A light bulb appears above his head confusing the cherubs.
"I think I can help you guys but you'll have to trust me on it if you want to get back to Heaven." Lobo said as the cherubs were confused on why he wanted to help them.
"If you think we will accept help from the demons that made us exile from heaven then you can go fu-" Cletus said before he was cut off as the three other cherubs covered his mouth.
"We accept please help us gain our spots back in Heaven." The other three cherubs said as Cletus looked at his friend in anger. Why should they accept help from the demon that made them fail their mission?
"Alright then please follow me to the Pride Ring so we can start on your journey of redemption to Heaven." Lobo said as he created a portal to the Hazbin Hotel entrance. The cherubs looked at Lobo in horror as they saw Pentagram City from the portal.
"Wait wait timeout why are you taking us to hell. How the heck are we supposed to earn our spots in Heaven if we are in hell." Lamberta said as the cherubs yelled in agreement. "My deepest apologies but your four know Charlie Magne right." He said as the cherubs looked at each and nodded their heads.
"Yeah what about her? What does she have to do with us going to hell." Keenie said as she saw the many forms of demons from the portal.
"Well she is my friend and she recently opened up a rehabilitation for sinners to redeem them to enter Heaven. Right now she doesn't have too many occupants so I decided that you four will be the right one for the job." Lobo said as the cherubs looked at each in consideration and nodded their heads they would do anything to get back to Heaven.
Lobo told them to hide underneath his robe so they wouldn't be seen entering hell. The cherubs held onto his side as he closed his robes and walked through the portal.
Lobo's arrival at the Hazbin Hotel was met with a mix of surprise and warmth. As he stepped through the portal, the familiar figures of Vaggie and Charlie greeted him. Charlie practically launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "Lobo! It's so good to see you! It's been too long since I have seen you" she exclaimed, her voice filled with genuine joy.
Returning her embrace, Lobo couldn't help but feel a pang of fondness for the energetic demon princess. It was rare to find such a genuine spirit in Hell.
Vaggie approached, her demeanor a blend of curiosity and reserved welcome. "Nice to see you again, Lobo," she acknowledged, the words laced with sincerity. In a realm where trust was a precious commodity, it meant something to her that Lobo had earned her respect.
"It's good to see you too. Vaggie hopes Angel is not bothering you too much." Lobo said as Angel could be heard saying that it was all good fun.
"Well Lobo what brought you here I doubt you wouldn't have no reason to be here unless Alastor is bothering you again." Charlie said as Lobo shook his in negative.
Lobo, knowing the gravity of his mission, wasted no time. With a deliberate motion, he opened his robe, revealing the cherubs nestled within. They clung to him, wide-eyed and hopeful, their small wings fluttering nervously.
Charlie's gasp was audible, her eyes widening in astonishment. Vaggie's gaze, on the other hand, softened. It wasn't every day that a demon walked through the doors of the Hazbin Hotel with Heaven's citizens in tow.
As the cherubs emerged from beneath Lobo's protective robe, their fragile forms seemed to radiate an otherworldly light. They hovered near Lobo, their expressions a mixture of trepidation and anticipation.
"Why have you brought them here, Lobo?" Charlie asked, her voice a mixture of curiosity and concern. She could sense the weight of the situation, and the responsibility that came with it.
"They were cast from Heaven, so I thought the best place was to bring them here. I know you wanted to help people redeem themselves so I thought that this was a great way to help you both." Lobo explained, his voice carrying a great deal of wisdom.
Charlie's eyes shimmered with unshed tears. To think that she, along with Vaggie, might have the opportunity to help these cherubs find their way back to Heaven was a prospect that filled her with a profound sense of purpose.
She pulled Lobo into another bone-crushing hug, he let out a paint whine. Her gratitude poured out in a heartfelt whisper. "Thank you, Lobo. This means more than you can know."
Vaggie, standing nearby, watched the exchange with a soft smile. This was a chance for Charlie to prove, not only to herself but to all of Hell, that redemption was possible.
As Charlie released Lobo, her determination was palpable. "We'll do everything we can to help them," she declared, her gaze steady.
With a nod of agreement, Vaggie stepped forward. "They'll find every support they need here. We'll make sure of it," she affirmed, her voice steady and resolute.
Lobo looked at the scene before him, a rare smile gracing his rugged features. The girls looked at Lobo as their cheeks were dusted in pink as they saw that smile made him even more handsome than before. Lobo waved goodbye to them as he traveled back home after this chaotic day.