The Lonely Goatherd – Chapter 20
"Oh she's just beautiful!" Maria exclaimed, looking down at the little baby lying wrapped up in her friend, Margaretta's arms.
"Thank you Maria. I was so nervous about having this baby and becoming a mother before she arrived, but now she's here, I couldn't imagine life without her." Margaretta placed a light kiss on her new daughter's forehead.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" Elsa asked. The glamourous baroness was perched on the end of the bed in Margaretta's hospital room, clad, of course, in dazzling red.
"Hmm… I'm not sure. I've always liked the name Anna. I know it isn't very Austrian or anything but I thought Anna Lee was quite a pretty name."
"Yes, it is very pretty," Maria agreed. "Just like she is."
Maria smiled as she watched her friend hold her new baby daughter. The labour had been very long and quite difficult and Sister Berthe had confided in Maria later that at one point, it had been touch and go for both Margaretta and the child. But thankfully, the little girl had been born healthy and Margaretta was recovering well. She very much appreciated Maria and Elsa being there with her during the labour as well as these early days after the birth while she was still learning about her new role as a mother.
The little baby stirred in her mother's arms slightly. Margaretta glanced up at Maria. "Would you like to hold her?" Maria nodded and Margaretta passed her new baby over to her.
Maria marvelled at the little thing in her arms. So tiny, and yet so strong as she squirmed around as Maria tried to find a comfortable hold on her. The baby had woken up and was now making soft cries. Maria rocked back and forth and bobbed up and down as she tried to settle the little girl and after a few minutes, the baby stopped her crying and fell back asleep as Maria continued to pat the baby softly and rock her gently.
"Oh Maria," gushed Elsa. "You look like you were made to sooth babies. Look at just how well she took to you."
"Have you ever thought about having one yourself?" Margaretta probed, flicking her eyes towards Elsa who gave a little nod. It was almost like they had discussed the idea privately between themselves several times.
"Oh I don't know," Maria fobbed them off. "I suppose so, one day. But I've never really thought about it, not with Georg away so much with the war."
While what she said was true, Maria did have to admit to herself that secretly she'd wondered about what it would be like to have a child with Georg one day. Even sometimes taking it further to daydream about having a brood of little von Trapps who would march about breathing deeply and responding to whistle signals. Maria knew that she and Georg had even spoken about it a couple of times when planning for their future together. But with so much distance between her and Georg since their marriage and the war still going on, she really had tried not to think about it too much, or even hope to fall pregnant.
In fact, pregnancy and babies were the furthest from her mind when it came to thinking about Georg. It had been just over a week since his very fleeting visit to Pola and their awfully short time together. But ever since he'd gone, she had been thinking about him practically non-stop. His revelation that his latest mission would be dangerous and very risky made her worry incredibly about him. She hadn't heard a thing about the fleet since Georg had left, which wasn't surprising as news was sometimes hard to come by, but no news was good news and she continued to hope and pray that Georg remained safe, no matter where he was.
Maria resumed bobbing up and down and rocking the little girl as Margaretta and Elsa started to make eye contact with each other again, and it appeared like they were silently signalling to each other as if they were having a secret conversation without words. Maria stopped bobbing. "What?" she blurted out, wanting to know what was going on between her closest friends.
"Well," Elsa started to explain, her eyes flicking again to Margaretta who gave a silent nod of support. "It's only that any time Georg is back in town, you two are totally absorbed in each other and barely leave your room and I would have thought that after all that time together, er… practicing that, er…" Instantly Maria knew what she was getting at.
"No, I'm not pregnant," Maria announced with a huff. "And yes, I would tell you if I was," Maria added right away like she knew that it was going to be the next question.
"Now, Elsa, would you like a turn holding the baby?" Maria asked sweetly, trying to steer the conversation away from herself.
But Elsa gave her a swift wave away. "Oh no, dear. You know that cuddling babies are not my thing, but," she paused and opened the very large red handbag she'd brought with her. "I do have a gift for the baby. A little something from Aunty Elsa that I've been working on between my other projects."
She handed a brown paper package tied up with string to Margaretta. "Other projects?" Maria asked as Margaretta started to open the gift.
"Oh you know… making all those delightful throw cushions that I know Georg especially loves so much! And of course all my glamourous sequined dresses. It's not like you can find these every day down by the docks." Elsa motioned to her stunning red sequinned dress that she was wearing.
"I never knew you sewed," Maria remarked.
"Or knitted," Margaretta added as she finished opening up the package. Inside was a small knitted teddy bear and a lovely little knitted jacket for the baby.
Elsa laughed giving a little flurry of her hand. "I am a woman of hidden talents!" Both Maria and Margaretta laughed too.
"Thank you Elsa, these are beautiful. I really am touched," Margaretta reached out to grasp Elsa's hand. Maria knew just how close the two women had become over the past six months with Margaretta living at The Lonely Goatherd.
"Well I suppose I should let you both rest," Maria remarked as she placed the sleeping baby in the nearby bassinette and tucked the blanket in around her. "Sister Berthe would probably kill me if I took any more time off visiting you."
Almost on cue, Sister Berthe appeared at the door. "Maria! There you are. I need a word with you."
"I'm sorry Sister Berthe," Maria apologised and moving towards the door and trying to resist the temptation to swoop down and kiss the floor. "I was just getting back to work now."
"No, that's not what I needed to speak to you about," the elderly matron replied softly but seriously. Her face looked solemn. Maria froze. She felt her heart beginning to race, but she tried to remain calm, even though she had a bad feeling of what was to come.
"What did you wish to speak to me about?" Maria asked, hearing her voice shaking slightly.
Sister Berthe glanced towards Elsa and Margaretta and didn't reply straight away. Instead, she softly took Maria by the arm and led her out of the room. She pulled the door closed behind them.
"My dear," Sister Berthe began. "There's just been news from the Naval base. I suppose there's no easy way to tell you this. The Captain's ship was attacked by the enemy…"
Maria's breath hitched in her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as she waited for Sister Berthe continue.
"It was torpedoed several times and despite all efforts, it was sunk."
Maria's heart thudded loudly in her chest. "And the crew? Are they alright…?" Maria asked, her voice barely a whisper.
Sister Berthe took in a deep breath. She sadly shook her head. "A couple of men were rescued, but almost all were killed."
"And Georg…? Max…?"
"Missing, presumed dead."
Missing, presumed dead… Sister Berthe's words rung in her ears. Maria felt her heart stop and all the blood drained from her face. No, no… it couldn't be true… She couldn't breathe and it felt like the walls were closing in around her. She saw Sister Berthe reach for her, as if to steady her, but she shook her head and pulled away from the elderly matron. All Maria could think about running away: running from reality, from the terrible news and from the truth that Georg was most likely dead. And so she bolted from the room.
Maria could faintly hear voices calling out to her as she ran down the hallway and out of the hospital, but she didn't care and she didn't stop. She didn't even know where she was going until she found herself at the beach and she stumbled several times as she ran along the soft sand until she collapsed in a heap sobbing uncontrollably.
Maria didn't know how long she lay on the sand crying but eventually her cries lessened until they eventually stopped and all she was left with a throbbing headache and a wallowing sense of emptiness in the pit of her belly. Maria sat up and watched the waves tumble and crash over and over again on the sand. There was a strong breeze that whipped across the sand, blowing Maria's short hair to and fro, but the feeling of the wind across her body and through her hair was almost calming. She had always felt close to Georg at the beach, for it was at the beach that he had first told her that he loved her, where they'd had their first kiss and he'd proposed and it was also where they liked to walk together to catch up every time he was back in town. But now he wasn't coming back and the hurt and pain in her chest threatened to destroy her. As she continued to gaze out to sea, she wondered what it had been like for Georg in his final moments. Was he thinking of her? Did he experience pain? She hoped he hadn't. Maria wanted to cry again, but she had no tears left.
Several minutes later, she heard someone coming up behind her. Maria glanced around to see Elsa picking her way across the soft sand, stilettos in one hand, the hem of her red sequinned dress lifted high in the other.
Elsa sunk down onto the sand next to Maria and groaned. "Ughh… stilettoes, sequins and sand… I don't think they mix." Maria let out a weary laugh despite of herself as the sight of Elsa barefoot on the beach wobbling across the sand in her glamourous gown and carrying her shoes was quite amusing. Elsa wordlessly took Maria's hand and held it as they both watched the waves together in silence. Maria was thankful that Elsa has come and found her. She really needed a friend right at that moment.
Finally, Elsa spoke. "Are you alright?"
"No," Maria replied honestly. "How could I be?"
"I know," Elsa hummed, wrapping one arm around Maria's shoulders and hugging her to herself. "Me too." Maria nodded, knowing just how much Georg had meant to Elsa too.
"Sister Berthe told me more details of what had happened," Elsa told Maria. Maria bit her lip, willing herself not to cry again and continued to gaze out to sea.
Elsa continued. "Apparently their mission was to lie in wait for the enemy then ambush them before the enemy could attack the rest of the fleet. Georg's ship detected, then attacked and sunk the first enemy ship, but they hadn't seen the second one… I'm afraid they got completely surprised by the second attack. It was hopeless. Their ship was hit several times. The few men that managed to survive said that it was only Georg's quick thinking to surface the ship immediately that saved them, but he had stayed behind in the control room to do so. He sacrificed himself."
"A fine man and a brave man until the end," Maria said quietly. Elsa nodded, agreeing.
"After Georg's ship has failed to stop the enemy, the rest of the fleet was attacked and was completely decimated. Only a lone ship managed to escape and retreat and as it was doing so, it found the wreckage and many bodies from Georg's ship and the enemy ship that Georg was able to sink. According to Colonel Elberfeld, they've been able to identify several of the men who perished: Commander Zeller, Lieutenant Franz and Rolf…"
Maria at once looked up at Elsa in surprise. "Margaretta?" she wondered.
"Yes, she knows," Elsa confirmed. "But she isn't that upset, not after all he'd done to her. The only thing will be now that he's dead, that they'll be no more financial support for her and her child. But I've told her not to worry about that: I'll take care of her." Maria gave Elsa a small smile, thankful that Elsa and Margaretta had formed such a close friendship.
Maria watched the waves again for another minute or so in silence before she spoke again. "You know, Georg was worried about this mission. He told me so last week when he was back here briefly. He knew it was going to be dangerous. And when he said that he may not be back, I hadn't wanted to believe it! I still can't! How can he be gone?"
"I don't know," Elsa replied. "It doesn't seem real."
"Sister Berthe said that Georg and Max were both missing and they haven't found their bodies, but you don't suppose that there's a possibility that…?" Maria asked Elsa.
"They're still alive?" Elsa finished. Maria nodded feeling hopeful. Elsa let out a deep sigh. "Honestly, I don't know. I suppose in situations like this if bodies are never found, you never really get proper closure because you don't know for sure what happened. There's always that sense of wondering what if and hoping that things may somehow turn out alright. But the sea is cold and cruel and even the best sailors can be destroyed by it and so holding out hope that perhaps they're still alive may be foolish."
Maria looked crushed and Elsa hugged her tight again. "But one thing I do know, if anyone was to survive something like this, then it would be Georg. He's no ordinary man. And even Max is far too irritating to just simply die. He's just as likely to just pop up in the most unexpected of places!" At this, Maria had to give a little laugh.
They continued to sit together for next new few minutes in silence, listening to the sound of the waves crashing down on the beach and the wind blowing across the sand. The afternoon light was fading and the upcoming sunset was starting to throw colours of orange, pink and red glistening across the sea.
"I feel foolish now for daydreaming about things we might have done together after the war," Maria finally admitted in a small voice. "A honeymoon, a home, possibly children… And now… none of those things are going to happen… Oh help! I miss him so much already." Several tears ran down Maria's cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand before finding a handkerchief in her dress pocket.
"I just don't know how I'm going to go on without Georg," Maria sobbed. "How did you do it when your husband died?" She asked Elsa.
Elsa shook her head sadly. "I don't know. I suppose a day at a time. There were some days that I could manage, yet other days I could not. I suppose it helped I had good friends like Georg that were a massive support and something to do, like run The Lonely Goatherd. But really, I don't know. There's never an instruction manual for how to mourn someone. It's so personal and individual. It does eventually get easier though, but there are always those days when it just hurts like hell, even after all this time." Elsa hugged Maria again. "But no matter what, I'll be here for you as much or as little as you need."
"Thank you Elsa, I appreciate it."
"I wish there was something more comforting that I could do or say," Elsa sighed.
Maria squeezed her friend's hands as the tears started to flow again. "You're here and that's enough. I don't think there is any more I could ask for."
XxXxXxXxXxXx
Maria placed her carpet bag on the ground and looked around the main room at The Lonely Goatherd. It looked so different all packed up with the tables and chairs stacked along the sides of the room and dust covers covering the bar. She sighed. It was an end of an era.
It had been almost two months since Georg's ship had been sunk and since that time, practically everything had changed in Pola. The resulting battle after Georg's ship had sunk had decimated he fleet. Georg's ship wasn't the only one who had been sunk in the battle and many men had been lost. Shortly after, with the Naval fleet destroyed, they had surrendered and the war was over.
Within a few short weeks, any remaining sailors at the Naval base in Pola returned to Austria and the hospital also shut down. Sister Berthe and Sophia stayed a week or so longer to assist with the packing up and shipping the remaining supplies and equipment from the hospital back to Salzburg before they were gone too. Out of all the nurses who had worked at the hospital, only Maria had remained in Pola. She had been holding out hope that somehow Georg had survived the disaster and he would return. But with every day that past, that hope diminished until it had gone. So finally, Maria had made the incredibly hard decision to return to Salzburg herself and she'd gone to say goodbye to Elsa and Margaretta before leaving that afternoon.
The Lonely Goatherd was a shadow of its former glory. With Pola virtually deserted, business at the tavern had dwindled to the point that Elsa had decided to sell up and move back to Vienna herself. Margaretta and her little baby girl were going to go with her as she had nothing left in Pola either now that the war was over.
"All packed and ready to go?" Elsa asked as she entered the room.
Maria nodded and let out a sigh. "Well, I'm packed but I'm not sure I'm ready to go. So much has happened here over the past year or so. So many memories, of Georg… of this place… I can't believe it's all over."
"Yes," Elsa replied glancing around the room. "And I can't believe I'm leaving this place too! It was so much hard work setting it up and running it, and I poured so much of myself into it. But there's no point continuing with no one around to come. As much as it broke my heart, I knew I had to cut my losses sooner rather than later and move back to Vienna where I belong."
"What will you do there?" Maria asked.
"Well, it'll still take me several weeks to finalise the sale of the tavern and arrange everything to be packed up and shipped back to Vienna. But once there, I was thinking of starting another bar. I do like being The Baroness and I'm sure I could be a great success there."
"Another The Lonely Goatherd?"
Elsa let out a raucous laugh. "No, I think there'll only ever be one The Lonely Goatherd. No, I was thinking of a name to perhaps honour Georg. The Silly Whistle or something like that – you remember how he used to love that thing."
Maria smiled. "Yes I do. I'm sure he would have loved that." Maria paused for a moment before continuing. "Do you think I'm wrong for going back to Salzburg? After Georg's ship when down, I kept wishing that somehow… Oh I don't know. I feel stupid for hoping, but it's been two months. I know I need to accept it, that Georg's gone and I need to move on… there's nothing left here for me now. But I feel like somehow I'm betraying Georg's memory by leaving."
Elsa gave her a hug. "Maria, you're not betraying Georg's memory by leaving, there's a point that you do have to move on and it's hard. But I do understand how you feel and I get it. I know just how much you've gone through since Georg's death. If you don't mind me saying it, you look awful."
Maria let out a weary laugh. "I know I do. I'm not sleeping well and I'm not really eating. I don't have any appetite anymore. I just feel so sad all the time. I miss him."
"I know you do. I miss him too. But you need to take care of yourself. Are you sure that Salzburg is the place you want to go? My offer still stands for you to come to Vienna with Margaretta and me. Having friends around you to support you will help."
Maria shook her head. "I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it. But Salzburg is my home and where Georg was from. I love the ocean but I miss the mountains. The Unterberg is my mountain: I grew up on it. I want to go to the hills when my heart feels lonely. I want to twirl and sing at the top of my lungs, to feel the mountain breeze through my hair. I need to find some meaning again now that Georg is gone. I have to try and re-build my life there somehow."
Elsa nodded in understanding. "So how will I find you?"
"Well," Maria began. "I haven't gotten anything worked out yet. I was going to go and see the Reverend Mother from Nonnberg Abbey firstly to see whether she could help. The Reverend Mother was always so kind when she used to visit the orphanage that I grew up in and Sister Berthe always speaks so highly of her, so I'm sure it'll be no problem. I'll write once I'm settled and let you know where I am."
"I'm not sure how long I'll still be here in Pola, so you could try this address in Vienna instead…" Elsa scribbled an address on a piece of paper and handed it to Maria. "It's linked to my late husband's estate and if you write to me there, I'll be sure to get it."
"Thank you," Maria said and embraced Elsa. "Thank you for everything."
XxXxXxXxXxXxXx
A couple of weeks past and Elsa was finalising the last items to be shipped back to Vienna. It had been quite a task packing everything up, especially as all her can-can girls had left months before with everyone else and it had only been Margaretta and herself doing the work. All she had to do now was the final cleaning and they would be off to Vienna by the end of the week.
Elsa picked up a broom and began to sweep the tavern. She was dressed uncharacteristically in trousers and an old shirt with her platinum blond hair swept up under a large handkerchief. She was so engrossed in her task that she almost didn't hear the sound of the door open.
"I'm sorry, we're closed." Elsa called out, continuing to sweep until she felt the presence of someone standing right behind her.
Turning around, Elsa gasped.
A/N: Thank you everyone for all your kind reviews. The final chapter is still to come! Please review and keep reading!