Ash held the door open and Eiji entered the apartment and looked around slowly. It was pouring outside and the rain was seeping through a broken window that was only held together with duct tape. Other than an abused old couch and a single mattress on the floor in the corner with a few blankets piled on top of it, it looked completely deserted.
"It's just temporary," Ash said, embarrassed.
"It looks abandoned," Eiji said, and then when Ash's face went red, he hastily added, "No, it's smart. If someone were to break in it looks like no one's been here. Good for hiding."
Ash did his best to nod and look like it had been his strategy for the room to look like a squatter den.
"We're leaving for California soon anyway," Ash said. "But I'll find us a better place to live after that."
"Us?"
Ash's eyes darted up and found Eiji's soft gaze transfixing him. "If you want."
Eiji stared at him for a minute, wrestling with his own inner demons. He looked away and all of Ash's fears and self-doubt rushed in to fill the void of Eiji's silence.
"What are we, Ash?"
"What do you want us to be?" Ash answered.
Eiji looked at him and Ash could see confusion and torment wrestling with something else within him.
"I don't know how to love you. Dino used me for years. Forced me to-" Eij broke off and clenched his fists to stop his hands from shaking. "I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know how to be normal."
"Love me?"
Eiji stopped and his eyes widened. Ash stepped towards him.
Eiji flushed red, "No. I- I didn't mean- I only meant-"
Eiji went rigid as Ash wrapped his arms around him. For a moment Eiji didn't know what to do. He just stood there, frozen within Ash's arms. His heart was hammering and he felt sweaty and scared. The phantoms of other arms, sickening grasps washed over him.
But nothing happened. Ash just held him. Then Eiji realized he could feel a second heartbeat - Ash's heartbeat; calm and steady. Slowly, Eiji raised his arms and hesitantly wrapped them around Ash as if he wasn't sure how this was supposed to go.
He felt the curve of Ash's waist, the way his shirt slid across his back under Eiji's fingers, and instinctively pulled him closer. Ash's arms pulled around him gently, securing him in place as his heart floated out of his chest. Eiji let his cheek rest against Ash's shoulder, fitting to him like they had always meant to be together.
Eiji felt Ash's lips press softly against the side of Eiji's head.
"I love you," Ash whispered.
Dimly, Eiji realized it hadn't been the first time Ash had said those words to him.
Please come back to me. I love you.
The whispers drifted back to him and Eiji felt the memory of Ash's fingers woven into his grasp. Saw again the pained look in his eyes when Eiji told him to go away.
"Ash," Eiji whispered. "I-"
Eiji looked up and suddenly realized just how close they were. His heart began hammering in his chest. Ash was taller than him, not big but powerful. The arms around Eiji were gentle, but strong as iron. Ash's emerald eyes transfixed Eiji in place. His lips were so close…
Ash pressed Eiji against the wall in a sudden kiss. Eiji's breath sucked in as their mouths slotted together and Ash could feel his grip tighten against Ash's back. Eiji's breath was sweet and Ash was almost consumed by the softness of his lips, the way his body felt pressed against his.
He pulled away and smiled and then saw the fear in Eiji's eyes… The betrayal. Ash felt his throat hitch. He pulled away.
"Eiji, I'm sorry. I-"
Eiji tried to move away and Ash grabbed his arm. The fear in Eiji's eyes flickered to terror.
Ash let go. "Eiji-"
Eiji suddenly slipped from his grasp and Ash turned at the sound of Eiji's running feet only to see the door close behind him. Eiji was gone.
Ash moved to follow him but the memory of the terror in Eiji's eyes stopped him in his tracks.
What had he done? He was an idiot. He knew what Eiji had been through. He should have known how he might react. Should have taken it slow. But he had allowed himself to lose control. He allowed himself to think that the frantic beating of Eiji's heart had been excitement, not fear.
Ash slammed his fist against the wall. He was angry. Angry that he lost control. Angry that he drove Eiji away. Angry that he felt anything at all.
Ash closed his eyes, forcing back the tears. I'm sorry. Please come back.
Ash startled awake. He had fallen asleep on the couch. He didn't know how long ago he had been asleep but it was still dark outside and rain still battered against the side of the building. Eiji was standing over him. His clothes were soaked, water dripped from his hair.
Ash sprang to his feet. "Eiji, I-" he started.
Before he knew what was happening, Eiji grabbed him and pulled him in. Eiji kissed him softly, his lips pressed against Ash. Ash tentatively took his lead and returned the kiss.
Electric thrills ran through Ash's body as they melted into the kiss. They parted, tingling with electricity. Ash looked at Eiji cautiously. But Eiji didn't pull away.
Ash ran a hand through Eiji's damp hair and Eiji flinched back. Ash stopped, quickly pulling back his hand.
"I'm sorry," Eiji whispered. He sat down on the couch and buried his head in his hands.
Ash sat beside him. "It's okay. We don't have to..."
"I want to." Eiji looked up at him. Ash could just barely make out his soft face in the darkness.
"I won't do anything you don't want me to," Ash promised.
Eiji nodded. Ash slowly reached towards him. Eiji met his grasp and leaned into him. Ash felt Eiji's thin frame move under his hand as Eiji moved towards him.
He hesitated and then leaned forward and kissed Eiji's cheek. He traced soft kisses down Eiji's jaw, down to his neck. Eiji's breath drew in quietly.
"Okay?" Ash whispered.
Eiji nodded urgently, his breath short and fluttering. Ash let his hand wander to Eiji's chest. He could feel his heart pounding wildly. Ash noticed a trembling throughout his body.
"Eiji, are you-?"
"I'm fine," Eiji whispered.
Ash wrapped his arms around Eiji's body, pulling him in closer. Eiji tucked his head underneath Ash's chin and buried his face in the warmth of Ash's chest.
Eiji's eyes widened and he drew back in surprise. Ash's heart was beating just as fast as his own.
"Ash, are you okay?"
"Me?" Ash blinked in surprise.
Eiji put a hand over Ash's heart. "Your heart…"
Eiji looked at Ash. Ash was restraining himself but he couldn't help his eyes trailing over Eiji's every move. Ash saw Eiji's gaze and looked away.
"I'm sorry. I-"
Eiji silenced Ash with a kiss. He slid his leg over Ash until he was on top of him. Ash's breath caught in his throat. Eiji pulled back and looked at him. Ash's eyes were dilated, his breath coming hard in his throat.
Ash opened his mouth to speak and Eiji filled it with his kiss. Ash's eyes shut and he gripped onto Eiji desperately as he slid back, Eiji pinning him against the couch with a feather's touch.
"I love you too," Eiji whispered.
Ash's clear emerald eyes looked up. Eiji looked down at him with his deep, warm eyes and smiled. Ash's heart raced. He pushed up and kissed Eiji, pulling him down towards him.