"I'm glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say."
He missed her.
He shouldn't, he knew that, it was odd but he did. He was worried, thinking about her all alone, away from her books and her small space and little everyday steps. He knew she'd be missing Hogwarts fresh-made bread at breakfast, and her favourite spot at the library, close to the window with the prettiest view.
Wait, what was he thinking?, she was home with her family, she didn't miss these things - and did not miss him, that's for certain - she had other favourites that he had no idea about, maybe even other friends. He turned to his other side on the bed.
Maybe he could organize to visit her again, explaining how he'd been helping her with transfiguration classwork and how she'd surely appreciate someone bringing her homework and notes - which if he thought hard about it, he wouldn't be so sure that he would be the best option to do so but still, he was one of the best students of their year so who knew, maybe not that hard to convince.
He got up from his bed, giving up and deciding to go speak with McGonagall again trying to not think too much about it let it not convince himself otherwise. Just looking for his shoes, when someone knocked at the door of the dorm - unusual but he kept looking.
"Yes?" looking under the bed.
"Can I come in?" her voice prickled his hair and made him straighten up, looking at the door. "It's Lily" she needlessly clarified.
"Lily?" he breathed, striding to the door and opening it in a quick movement.
And there she was: nervously playing with her hands and looking even more beautiful then he remembered.
"Hi"
Soft.
"Lily what d'you-" he started but got interrupted.
In a swift movement she opened her arms to him and held him by his shoulders. It took him a moment but she squeezed him tighter and he brush his shock away to hug her back, circling her waist with his arm. Her face was burdened on his shoulder and his skin was alive. She seemed so small and yet, he struggled to remember a time when he felt weaker.
"Thank you - for everything." She whispered.
"Don't mention it" he remembered to breath.
He felt her start to let go and dropped his arms, pretending it was OK.
"You're back!" he said awkwardly, fisting one hand on the other.
"I am, yes" she smiled. "There was only so much I could do before my mum pretty much threw me out of the house. Besides…" she reached her back pocket, "I have this now."
He saw one of the mirrors and looked at her through his eyelashes "Will I get detention, Miss Prefect? For mingling with unregistered magic objects?"
She played. "Yes, that's actually why I'm here you know. Thank you for doing one of the sweetest things someone has ever done to me but hey- you know me, my amortentia smells of rules and moral compass."
James grinned, genuine from the sweet thing comment. "And fresh elf-made bread, right?"
"You love it too?" He laughed and she enjoyed it.
They looked at each other for a moment before James cleared his throat and brought his hand to his hair, moving away from the door and going to sit by his bed.
Lily followed him, stepping in the room.
"What?" she asked
"Nothing, I just… I don't know, sometimes I try to think of a good reason why we weren't like this since the start, you know? Thinking how maybe things could have been different…"
She nodded, looking down to play with her hands.
"Remember first year, when professor Hooch finally let us fly over ten meters high?" he looked at her confused and she smiled, walking towards him. "She split the class in two and made us race each other in pairs. We got paired - you and I."
She hovered her right hand in front of him. "Here, feel this."
He touched her thumb where she was pointing. "Merlin Evans, what the dragon's tail is that?"
She laughed. "Not sure actually, been like this since that day."
He looked at her funny and she continued to explain with a shy smile. "I had been listening to you and Sirius bragging about how you'd been flying since you were like six years old and how you were both the best things that ever walked this earth basically, just being stupid kids but you know, kids. Anyway, little miss Lily here decided that, it was her righteous place to teach the two of you the value of humility and, the best way to do it would be to win you in that race."
He was remembering now, with a small smile turning up her palm again to see it. "You fell…"
She snorted. "Majestically. I was so focused in winning that I didn't stop to think twice that maybe you had been flying since you were six and all I had ever used a broom for was to sweep- well, that's not true, to sweep and sing Elton John's Your Song."
He chuckled and brushed his thumb on hers. She bit her lip and took her hand away feeling the heat go to her cheeks.
She talked lower, looking at her hands. "I was so- mad at you, for no good reason really, I just… funnelled all this embarrassment and frustration and- well, jealousy I guess, at you."
He pressed his lips and she looked at him. "We were both stupid, insecure, annoying kids but… well, we were kids. I mean yeah you were a hundred times worse than me but-"
"There it is" and she smiled wide.
"I guess I just think it was somewhat necessary you know? To get us here. We would always need time to grow, regardless of third parties"
He gave her a small smile as well.
"Even the time I turned your hair green by mistake instead of Snape's?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, it took you longer than needed that's for sure."
He chuckled "Sorry about that."
She shrugged "It seems you got here eventually, so"
"I guess you won one race at least"
"Please," she said, "I completely annihilated you in this race. No competition-"
"Alright shorty, don't push it." He got up. "I get at least twenty more points for actually growing physically"
There was a flash and they both looked at Sirius smirking, waiting for the Polaroid picture to come out.
"Alright there, Padfoot?"
The Marauder took the picture and started waiving it. "Just making use of my birthday present here, Prongs."
"Oh that's right- happy birthday Sirius!" Lily said, "I brought you something actually…"
Sirius prickled. He threw the camera to his bed and signalled Lily to follow lead.
She chuckled and walked out, giving James a smile before leaving. Once he was alone, he noticed the Polaroid picture that hadn't reach the bed and was lying on the floor, front down.
"Don't get too excited, OK? I was just cleaning around the house and I found something I thought you might like because it's about the only thing I know you and I have in common, but it's alright if you don't want it, honestly-" Lily reached the last step, coming down from the girl's dorm. She handed him the February 12th, 1976 Rolling Stone magazine with David Bowie's cover edition. "It just made me think of you."
Sirius' perpetual grinned vanished and he was suddenly almost deadpanned, looking at the girl's offering.
"It was my dad's" she tried to explain, unsure of what his reaction meant.
He took it carefully and flipped some pages.
"I hum… Ahem, I actually could never have one of these. You know my mum, she- well she would pretty much burn everything she didn't approve. Me included." He joked but Lily noticed a severity in his voice. "You sure you don't want it?"
He looked so much younger then and her heart kind of grew from it. "No," she said sweetly "no, you take it. My dad kept most of them but- that one doesn't have such a good memory you know? It was around the time we found out the cancer had come back so… I prefer much more to keep this new memory of it." She smiled and he looked out of words.
He surveyed the cover in his hands again before looking at her, sincerity in his eyes. "Thanks there Evans. Appreciate it."
She smiled wider. "More than the Polaroid camera?"
And he laughed. "Close second."
"Ugh, Hooch's flying class all over again."
"What?" he laughed.
"Nevermind," she grabbed her purse with her books from the sofa. "Talk to you later, alright?" and he saw her leave before turning to the stairs, starring the direction of the dorm he had a feeling he needed to head to.
When Sirius walked back in the room, he saw James sitting on the floor by his bed, holding the moving picture he had just taken. Walking closer, Sirius saw how picture-James kept standing up from his bed, a smile on his face and eyes locked on Lily's, before both of them look frightened to the camera.
James dropped his hand down and his head back, leaning against the bed with his eyes closed.
And he sighed. "I'm so fucked, mate."
"Psst, Jenkins. Oi Jenkins"
Jamie turned around from the library desk she was siting at.
"Is it true? Is it true you're pregnant with twins from your own father?" Cassandra Snyde asked minaciously and Lucinda Talkalot spat her water, apparently unable to control her laughter.
Marlene sitting next to Jamie, turned to look at the girls as well. "Oh look, it's Lucinda- I had a dream you died. Damn it."
"Really doing the extra work into putting ASS in Cassandra there, huh?" Dorcas joined, dropping her book on the table.
"It's just a question." Lucinda played innocent. "Daddy says muggles do it all the time, they just can't control themselves…"
"Yeah, your daddy sure would know about incest wouldn't he Talkalot?" Dorcas spat.
The other Slytherin girl rolled her eyes and laid back on her chair.
"Merlin, don't you girls ever get tired of always acting as great protectors of all poor little mudbloods, as if you're doing charity?"
"Oh go fuck yourself" Jamie offered.
"Charity is what your hair is trying to do to hide those dragon wings you call ears, Snyde. Why don't you go beg Carrus to give you attention, hum? I'm sure you have a lot of practice being on your knees by now."
"You bitch-" Cassandra jumped up reaching Marlene's curly hair from the back and starting to pull.
Lily arrived right at the moment where Jamie had gotten up and was pushing Cassandra's face away from a struggling Marlene. Lily ran to the scene, shouting for them to stop it and separating the young girls.
"Oh no, it's perfect Prefect Evans." Cassandra stepped out, adjusting her hair. "What are you gonna do, ground us?"
"Yeah, for a week" Lily said firmly "and twenty points from Slytherin, how does that sound?"
"That's not fair you weren't even here, you don't know who started it!" Lucinda tried her spoiled only child tactics.
"Let's call it a hunch, Talkalot. Now, get out of here before I loose my Prefect badge from manslaughter. Go"
The two took their time to walk away, with a snark remark challenging to come out with their glances. Once they did, Lily sighed.
"Is wizarding gossip particularly vicious or is it just a human trace of teenage girls?"
"I'm not sure. At the last Divination Summer Solstice camp there was a rumour about this girl, saying the women in her family were the long noble keepers of Excalibur, and so to protect the sword, every ten years it would be placed inside a new virgin within the family and she was the one to have it at the time. But I don't know, personally I just think she was a late bloomer and got her period later but who knows."
Every girl starred at Marlene in a mix of shock and awe for the delicious ridiculousness of the whole story.
"Anyway," Dorcas deviated, "just ignore them Jamie, you just have to endure it until the next juicy drama comes up which, in this school, surely won't take long."
"I don't know…" Jamie did not look confident. "It also might just get worse you know, as I get bigger"
Lily's eyes widened and the girl clarified. "They know Lily."
"Oh"
"Yeah, of course we know, we literally live together, I know everyone's cycles. Lily by the way, ours will be coming in a day or two so I already asked our Vekey to leave warm clothes by the bed for the pains."
Lily chuckled. "Thanks Marls."
"Sure babe."
"I'll just say what everyone's thinking but no one wants to admit it - how come we all thought that morning sickness was just meant you know, for the mornings? Why is it that I have extinguished Jamie's insides the entire bloody day? They should call it 24-hour sickness and let a lass prepare mentally at least." Dorcas shared and Marlene grimaced.
Lily looked at Jamie who seemed distant and preoccupied. She reached for her hand and squeezed it, giving her an encouraging smile which the girl returned with a pained one.
"How can I bring a baby into this world knowing very well that war is coming? Isn't that the most selfish decision I could ever make?"
"Jamie, don't say that"
"Yeah, you're choosing to love instead of hate, that's not selfish, it's the bravest acts one can do." Lily said sincerely.
"Exactly, that kid will know what a kick-ass mum you are from day one." Dorcas added.
Jamie pressed her lips unconvinced. "Thank you girls, but I don't know- so many people hate her already and she isn't even born yet…"
Lily gasped, squeezing again the hand she was holding and looking around. All three girls shared the same excited energy.
Jamie looked at them. "What?"
"It's a girl?" Lily squealed.
"Oh," Jamie smiled shyly at them, "it is, yes."
All girls shrieked and not even the old librarian with their quick shushing was able to contain much of the excitement. They all congratulated their friend between hugs and kisses on the forehead.
"Just promise me you'll give her a girl's name please, I love you Jamie but I've always pitied the cross you carry."
Lily rolled her eyes and smiled at her friend. Actually, for some reason, she had always found the name quite lovely.