Chapter 8: Misdirection

A two-part bang, the second being significantly louder than the first, woke Severus with a start. It took him a second to realize that a door had just been slammed.

'The brat' he reminded himself angrily as he stood up, and dressed. 'How dare he go about my rooms slamming doors!' Once appropriately covered, Severus stormed out of his room to instantly spot Potter's spawn pacing the sitting room rapidly.

Potter froze instantly, and just as Severus was about to give him a thorough tongue lashing, something he didn't even know how to describe flitted across the boy's face. And as quickly as Severus had come into the room, the raven-haired boy moved at a shocking speed, out the main door of the living quarters, not even bothering to close it behind him.

Severus' rage at the rude wake-up began to dwindle, ever so slightly. Just enough for him to wonder what that expression was about. Guilt, pain, disgust, anger and so many others it seemed. It was baffling…almost alarming. But as quickly as the concern came, anger once again clouded over him. The little lout not only was slamming his doors but then couldn't close the most important one! With a flash of his wand, the tapestry reappeared and the entrance door swung closed.

Severus snarled in the room's general direction, irritated beyond rational thought. He was not a morning person. And being woken up in such a manner... Not even Albus had ever given him such a jump start! What on earth had Potter been doing? He marched over to the room the boy had been given and took a look inside. He had the right to, after all, he thought. It was HIS quarters the boy was in. Everything looked normal. No upturned chair or table like he expected to see for such a loud noise. But then, just as he was about to leave, he saw it. A familiar book. He almost missed it. Potter's trunk was open, and the book was resting on the inside of the lid. He approached slowly and picked it up, running his fingers along the unique lock that kept her secrets hidden away. He remembered the day he had given this to Lily. How her eyes first sparkled with joy at the gift… How focused her expression was as he explained how it worked… How her lips tilted up as he first clasped the "key" around her neck, followed by a tender kiss…

No! He would not go there! Standing there, he turned instead to his hurt and anger. Her leaving him for James Potter. He still wondered how long THAT had been going on beneath his nose. At least she left before the wedding. She should have had the gall to be honest enough and call things off sooner, in a more dignified way. Not sneaking away, leaving only a note that left him shattered on their bedroom floor. NO! He would not dwell on those thoughts either! So instead he stood still, channeling his thoughts back into the dark recesses of his mind. First the box he found, now this…No wonder he re-lived that memory last night. He took hold of his emotional turmoil, grabbing at every angry thought he could, and wrapped them around himself like a protective suit of armor. Never would he let himself be made a fool of again. Never would bother to try to get close to another.

He looked down at the diary once again and briefly considered taking it out with him. He hated the idea of the boy touching this precious item. After all, HE gave it to Lily! Why shouldn't he claim it back... Then he looked down into the boy's trunk. It was nearly empty! Some school supplies, a few Chocolate frog cards, a pair of omnioculars, a very small pouch, what appeared to be a picture frame, some folded fabric that looked like it must be a cloak, and a strange piece of shattered mirror. That was it.

Severus looked around. There was a small pile of clothes and robes laid on the chair, and an empty owl cage in the corner. Nothing else. An uneasy feeling hit Severus. Here were the boy's belongings. It was odd enough he only had the one trunk as a student, most had 2 to 3. And hadn't Albus stated that he had taken all the boy's belongings out since Potter wasn't welcome back? Surely he must have more! At first, he decided that his stuff must be in a vault at Gringotts. But then he realized how impossible that would be since Albus collected the trunk and sent it straight to Severus' quarters.

Again Severus looked at the journal. He could not take this from the boy. Much as he disliked the brat, he could not take away this. Besides, he reasoned to himself as he returned the book to the trunk, it wasn't like Potter could open it anyway. Only Lily could and she was dead. And Severus had the pendant safely tucked away in that box he had recently moved out of this very room. Yes, Harry could have the journal, Severus would have the necklace and Lily's secrets would remain with her…

Harry was in complete turmoil. His emotions were raging all over the place! He couldn't keep a thought straight for even a few seconds!

He had made it outside the castle and was nearing the lake at a rapid pace. His mother… Snape… fiance… pregnant…. It was all too much. As he drew up to the water's edge, he forced himself to start to breathe deeply. Slower, more even breaths. For several minutes he stood there, gazing out over the glistening lake, but seeing nothing at the moment. Finally, he got himself under control.

He had angrily and shockingly thrown the diary at his trunk when he had read about his mother being pregnant. Then when the irritating book couldn't even manage to land in the trunk properly, he rushed out of the room he was sleeping in. He couldn't even cope with the sight of it at the time. That thought hadn't changed much since he made it outside.

He was angry at having to face Snape so soon after this revelation. How dare this Death Eater glare at him in such a way! He broke his mother's heart!

That thought made him feel ill again. The thought of his mother with the greasy git. How could anyone, let alone Lily, like him?! And to want to marry him? Harry had been sure all those entries had been about his father, James Potter. No, it has all been about HIM.

And then the whole Lily being pregnant. What is that about? It couldn't be him, thank goodness. He looked just like his father after all. But, a wicked, hurtful voice whispered in his head, the timeline adds up to it being you. Harry knew he didn't have any siblings, at least that he was aware of. Doing some math in his head for how long he knew a pregnancy was, he knew the timelines were close for it to be him.

The only logical conclusion was that Lily must have lost or aborted that child. Then got pregnant again shortly after. Yes, that must be it… Harry was likely just born prematurely. Very prematurely, that nasty inner voice snarked back.

Everyone said how much he looked like James. Harry knew that was even part of the reason Snape hated him so much. Guess it made more sense now why Snaped hates him so much. For a brief moment, Harry actually felt bad for the Potions Master. Then he remembered that it was Snape's own choice to join Voldemort's ranks. He obviously didn't deserve Lily. Serves him right! Harry thought vindictively.

Then a depressing follow-up consideration hit Harry like a punch in the gut. What did that mean for his parents? If his mother was in love with Snape, did she love James? Can love change that quickly or did she just stay with him out of obligation of the marriage? Harry did not know and the concern ate him up. He knew where to find the answers. The question was if he was ready for the truth. And for that, he had no answer.