But I wanted a Pony
Chapter 3. Toasts.
Harry took Daphne home to Riddle House, and unsurprisingly, the tables on the fireplace side of the kitchen were crowded with children doing activities. And Andromeda, and Teddy, looking serious- with a textbook and notes. His hair was black. Harry suspected he was concentrating hard, or at least appeasing Andromeda.
"Mummy!" exclaimed Hesper.
"I'm fine dears" said Daphne, holding Harry up, who'd tripped a little on the way out the fireplace.
"So food poisoning?" asked Andromeda, looking at Harry with dark, hooded eyes.
"Um" said Harry "all fixed up."
"Was the potion very yucky?" asked Rigel.
"Fortunately there was a charm instead" said Daphne.
Harry sat down next to Teddy to look at his homework.
"Gran's already read it," said Teddy, "Is Aunt Daphne okay, really?" he asked.
Harry patted Teddy on the back, "She's fine."
"Yes Edward, I am quite cured of my nausea," said Daphne, choosing to sit on Harry's lap.
"Mum!" exclaimed Caph. The quints looked over momentarily, then ignored them.
Daphne took a look at Teddy's homework. "Your handwriting is improving, but please, Teddy, do try to be neat. Messy handwriting puts the professors in a bad mood before they read it." Harry wrapped an arm around Daphne's waist. She leaned into him.
"You do have some post" said Andromeda, retrieving a letter from a robe pocket "I thought it safer to hold it till you returned."
Harry opened it while Daphne discussed herbology with Teddy.
It was a letter from Neville Longbottom. More accurately, a wedding invitation.
"Oh about b – bally time" said Harry, holding in a profanity. "Neville's marrying Hannah Abbott."
"Is that an ordinary invitation, or is he reciprocally asking you to be best man?" asked Daphne.
"Yes," said Harry, "The um, latter."
"Well you are" said Daphne very quietly into his ear. She got off his lap, so Harry could roam about.
Harry got to supervise activities for a bit while Daphne read the letter, and talked outfits to Andromeda.
"Never white, dear," said Andromeda, "And not black."
Rigel had made a picture frame out of sticks and wool. Harry thought that was pretty good – there were endless children's pictures to celebrate.
-==0==-
Harry did a little shopping for Neville's wedding. The idea he'd had idea for a present was just too amusing.
He did draw the line at having George help – this was going to be a serious prank – if that was a thing. It was going to be, thought Harry.
Then he wanted an idea for what to get for Hannah, and asked Justin Finch-Fletchly, over a few drinks at the Hogs Head, so Hannah wouldn't be hovering or magically eavesdropping. And after three whiskies, Justin started to talk. And talk. And talk.
Harry went home stunned. He'd always though the Hufflepuffs were a boring bunch – but Hannah, Justin, and Ernie had got up to all sorts of exploration, just not places Harry had explored. He hadn't even known there'd been cursed vaults. And they spent ages cleaning up after themselves so nobody would know they'd been there. Harry felt slightly guilty about the messes he'd made at Hogwarts. But he definitely had an idea for an equally amusing present of Hannah now – the Black family vault had provided. And technically they were both getting cutlery.
Daphne asked him what he was up to. Harry tried to put his serious face on.
"Dear, are you giving Neville a prank present.?" she asked, with unerring accuracy.
"It's completely serious," said Harry "Yet also funny. I found something old that used to be a Longbottom thing, one of the Blacks got when they married a Longbottom girl, I just want my gift for Neville to be a thingummy."
"Thingummy?"
"Ear loom" said Harry.
"Heirloom" said Daphne. She lifted her eyebrows "If it was hypothetically enchanted, you might need to make sure it complies with the Heirloom artefacts, regulation and control act?"
"It's cutlery." said Harry "Goblin-wrought silver, enchanted to erm, never go blunt or break."
Daphne smiled slightly and rolled her eyes "I wager he'll be getting a brace of model swords of Gryffindor."
"That would go nicely with the barbecue forks" said Harry.
"Barbecue forks?"
"It's on the gift register" said Harry.
"Have you bought barbecue forks, and informed his grandmother or whoever's running the registry?" asked Daphne.
"Um. Not … yet" admitted Harry.
"I'll go do that. You could make an appointment to see Mr Davis about the Heirloom artefacts act?" said Daphne.
"Not like we get ours back" muttered Harry.
"Don't be a moper" said Daphne. Caph was hovering. "Now, Caph. What have you done?"
"I made a picture frame" said Caph, holding up a hastily, shoddily made replica of Rigel's picture frame.
-==0==-
Eventually the time came for Neville's wedding, and Harry found it strangely just somewhat boring. Not terrifying at all, and his wife wasn't wearing that dress, so he could just stand and try to keep Neville calm. Having foisted the children on their grandparents, Harry only had Daphne to hold the arm of for flooing, and a slight issue with Neville getting panicky.
Given that he had seven children, one Neville wasn't much of a challenge.
He looked over at Daphne, who was sitting wearing a dark green and green robe, and a small hat. She smiled very slightly at him. Harry checked Neville – who was fidgeting, hadn't run yet. His Order of Merlin, second-class glinted. Harry momentarily wondered where his was. It was probably in the bottom of the jersey drawer at Grimmauld place.
"Oh calm down," said Harry, "It's not like you have to stand up to a Dark lord. Again."
"We should have eloped" mumbled Neville.
"You love her, right?" asked Harry quietly.
"Well, yes" said Neville.
"She loves you" said Harry.
"Well, apparently. Why I have no idea" said Neville.
"Oh I dunno, calm, sensible, very good with plants, capable of fighting of damn near anything?" said Harry "And tall and stuff."
"You're really bad at compliments" said Neville.
"I'm not the one marrying you," said Harry. "Today you two are telling everyone you love each other, and from now on it's you two, um…. Dancing on the green."
"You remembered that from your one" said Neville, sounding surprised.
"It was a memorable day," said Harry drily.
"People have said words to that effect" quipped Neville. "You two gonna dance at the reception?"
"Given that she likes to dance, and I now know how, why not?" said Harry.
"Is she glaring at me" whispered Neville.
Harry looked back at Daphne, who was looking a little concerned.
"Nah. Just a little worried" said Harry. Honestly, a wife has a slightly aristocratic face, has very small expressions, and everyone thinks she's cross all the time. She does have big expressions sometimes… she's just self-contained. Or bottled up, depending on things.
"Hannah's not going to come, is she?" asked Neville, looking moon-faced and edgy.
"Calm down," said Harry, "If Hannah was doing that, Sue would have come to tell us by now." Or Justin, or Ernie, thought Harry.
Hannah did arrive in a wedding dress. Harry was impressed at how much prettier Hannah looked than her usual get-up – though it wasn't a patch on Daphne's wedding dress. Nor, in his opinion was Hannah – though she was smiling, so there was that. She had her Order of Merlin, second class on as well. Harry suspected that two people with Order's of Merlin marrying was a bit of a rarity.
-==0==-
At the reception – at Longbottom Hall which had a frankly huge dining room with four chandeliers, Harry had Daphne's arm looped round his arm as they went to see Hannah and Neville, who were standing up near the door of the even bigger ballroom. They were smiling politely.
"Neville, Hannah, my wife, Daphne Black" said Harry. "Daphne, Neville and Hannah Longbottom."
"I'm so very pleased to see you two looking so happy" said Daphne. "I was incredibly anxious at my wedding, of course – all I could keep down was calming draught."
Hannah's mechanical looking smile faltered. "Calming draught?" she asked.
"Mummy brewed a mixture of calming draught and milkshake," said Daphne bluntly "But as decorated war heroes, neither of you was nervous."
"I um," said Neville.
"People get nervous and do it anyway," said Harry. "I was starting to think that just because of the… unusual circumstances of our marriage we wouldn't be invited to any weddings."
"How do you… with all those children?" asked Hannah.
"Grandparents," said Daphne, "My parents dote on them, and we make sure our children don't believe anything stupid they might say."
"Not… blood purity rubbish?" asked Hannah.
"More that my father's not a greedy idiot," said Daphne bluntly, "but enough of that – we're here to see some toasts, Harry to make a speech – and dance."
"Harry?" asked Hannah "Is the speech going to be particularly humiliating?"
"Of course not" said Harry. "I'm even giving you guys some extra presents. Respectable presents. I am here as the head of the Black family, among other things."
"You're not wearing your Order of Merlin." said Hannah, not giving that particular statement any visible credit.
"He never does – that's not Harry" said Daphne, and she gave a small shrug. "I've never seen him wear it. I'm not entirely sure where he keeps it."
She paused and elbowed him gently "Where is it anyway?" she asked.
"Um" said Harry "Bottom of the jersey drawer at Grimmauld place, I think."
Daphne shook her head slightly. "Didn't I suggest in the Gringotts vault?" she asked casually.
Harry shrugged.
Hannah snorted, "oh god you're an old married couple" she said, incredulously.
"Well someone only got married today," said Harry, " You two could have been married for ten years instead of just carrying on. Shameless, young people these days" he added, plummily.
"And you'd have children ours could play with," said Daphne, He looked over and there was a gleam in her eyes.
"Um" said Neville "We um didn't."
"Haven't," said Hannah.
"You should," said Daphne "It's a fantastic way to pacify old relatives. Their brains turn to mush."
As Harry had almost expected, Hannah snorted.
"We'll see you later for a little speech," said Daphne. Harry looked and Daphne had a faint smile.
The reception proper started eventually, and after eating a meal that ended in an Eton Mess, it was eventually time for a speech, and Harry stood up and stuck to his notes. "So, when Neville asked me to be best man" said Harry "I was very pleased. Mostly that he'd finally got around to asking Hannah. But also, because Neville and I go way back, and he was my best man at my wedding. Neville, you may not know, came and made the first decent garden at my old house. He planted the roses, and my dear wife had somewhere beautiful to sit. And, we did have an adventure – that boiler room will never be the same again. And in the spirit of friendship, I have a little surprise for Neville." He smiled. Everyone stared at Harry. Hermione slapped her own face. Always the negativity, thought Harry.
Harry reached into his opposite robe pocket and pulled out a ruby-encrusted sword hilt – and with a little more effort, using both hands, hand over hand, pulled out an entire longsword in a red leather scabbard with a plain red leather belt. He placed the sword and scabbard in front of Neville on the tablecloth with a clonk. The three hens-egg sized rubies glittered. "So, as everyone knows, Neville's really handy with a sword. While he can't always guarantee to have the sword of Gryffindor – this is not it. This is the sword of Longbottom, and the goblins that made it assure me it's as sharp as it can be. Hannah – I believe one of your accomplices has blown your cover here," Harry paused, glad that Hufflepuffs would talk if you asked nicely, or at least got them drunk, and pulled a long, silvery horseman's pick out of his pocket, and put it next to the sword "A bit flashier than your infamous cudgel, but this is a genuine goblin war relic. The goblins say it belongs to the Longbottoms, not to me – but a while ago Callidora Black married Harfang Longbottom, and as part of that marriage, the Blacks ended up with the pick. It's only proper that I return it. I did wonder about getting something for Trevor, or Fwidges, but that's probably going a bit too far. Now Neville has claimed I fell in with a bad crowd, and did reckless things, but I'm not the one who cut Voldemort's pet snake's head off in front of him. Or led the DA through the entire year of Death Eaters at Hogwarts. You and Ginny did the hard bits; I just turned up at the end to cast a disarming charm."
Daphne poked him in the leg. "Liar" she whispered.
"My wife assures me I'm exaggerating," said Harry. "I did have some other secret defeating dark lord stuff to do, but that's secret. Neville on the other hand came to help me after my house was attacked by Death Eaters, and my children can safely play in the garden because Neville fixed it. I have trees, not because I fixed them – that was a failure, but because Neville came and helped. Calmly, patiently, and without cutting a single giant snake to bits. Apart from that one time."
There were some laughs from the crowd. Neville stared at Harry intently. Harry looked over and smiled cheerily.
"So – if anyone was wondering, Neville Longbottom has got a bloody big sword." said Harry. "Obviously, it wasn't on the gift register, but cutlery was on the list, and this is technically cutlery." he added.
"Forks," hissed Daphne quietly.
"Oh yes, we also got you the barbecue forks" said Harry "Not goblin silver, that seemed overkill. Did enchant them just in case; my dear wife assured me the enchantments on the weapons will pass inspection."
Harry referred to a cue card "Oh yes. These weapons, Neville Longbottom of the Longbottoms, I, Harry Potter-Black of the Blacks do gift in completeness without any requirement upon you this longsword in goblin-wrought silver, and return to the Longbottom family this goblin war pick wrought in goblin silver. The barbecue forks, though, I'd appreciate getting to use with you. That meets the requirement for both these bits of cutlery to be heirlooms under the definitions used by the Ministry. Not the barbecue forks, though." Harry dropped the cue card "Now Hannah, you've known Neville for a while, and you're obviously fond of him. I'm glad you two are getting married – certain sources say The Leaky Cauldron was becoming quite the den of vice."
Daphne poked his leg again. Harry checked the cue card.
"Oh. Yes, I met Neville and Hermione on the Hogwarts express. Trevor, for those that don't know was a very naughty toad. Hermione was only trying to help find Trevor. Fwidges is apparently Susan's very persistent owl." said Harry, and he smiled slightly at the memory, "Neville stood up for what he believed in when he was eleven. Today, he's going to have to stand up and hopefully say something soppy about his wife. "
Harry sat down. Daphne elbowed him "A sword, really! And did Hannah even want a horseman's pick?" she said quietly.
"It's for the Leaky, over the bar" said Harry quietly "It's an actual goblin war pick, that according to the goblins that made the sword, belonged to Bogrod in one of the wars, and was captured by a Longbottom – they gave it to the Blacks as part of Callidora's bride settlement. They brought it up as a long-standing grievance with the Blacks. They're annoyed the Longbottoms don't have it. Right of Conquest is apparently not transferrable."
Neville stood up, and from the crowd someone shouted "SWORD SWORD SWORD." A number of Gryffindors picked up the chant. Harry smirked.
Neville rolled his eyes and picked up the sword. He unsheathed it, it glittered in the light, and there were gasps from the crowd. With an-eye roll he held it point uppermost. The blade was silver, engraved with 'LONGBOTTOM' in large letters, and it glinted in the lights from the chandeliers.
Neville looked over at Harry and gave him a long-suffering look.
"Right" said Neville "We're cutting the cake with this."
There were laughs from the audience.
"Harry, It's not imbued with basilisk venom is it?" asked Neville.
"No" said Harry. "You can do that later. I'm tired of doing that sort of stuff."
Neville put the sword down gently. "Now, I really wasn't expecting two extra gifts – but Harry's been busy I guess. Now, considering he had an arranged marriage, he's quite fond of his wife. I on the other hand don't have an evil aunt, so we married um. For love." Neville smiled "So Hannah and I are married. I have no idea what Harry's on about – Hannah's a respectable small businesswoman, and those rumours that she throws her own drunks out of the Leaky are just that. I'm pleased someone stuck to the gift register, I detect the steady hand of my cousin Daphne there. Now, I might have cut the head off one giant snake, and it may have belonged to some dark lord, but I love a quiet life. Hannah and I plan to sell booze, I'll teach some Herbology, and we'll avoid, say, getting clapped in Nurmengard."
"I did hear Spain wasn't that great," said Hannah, turning the large pick around it's handle and watching the goblin-wrought silver hook-point glint.
"I'd like to thank everyone for helping" said Neville "I have discovered that when you marry one 'Puff, you suddenly have 'Puff's everywhere."
"Oh, is she pregnant?" asked Harry. Susan Bones spat wine across the table. Harry considered that a win. Susan glared at him. Hannah twirled the pick on it's long axis, the point spinning and glinting.
"Harry, you just gave her a bloody big pointy thing" said Neville, "No sense of self-preservation," he observed, shaking his head, "So to all Hannah's fellow Puffs… thanks for helping, and thanks, Ernie for the novelty balloons. Now, Zach Smith in particular has done something really amazing. As most people would know because Zach would have told them – the Smith's are Helga Hufflepuff's descendants. And as a gesture of, erm, Hufflepuff-ness, he's brought us Helga Hufflepuff's actual cup to use for our wedding toast."
"It's a fake" muttered Harry to Daphne.
Zach Smith, grinning like a cut-price Gilderoy Lockhart walked up to the high table with a wooden box, and opened it. Inside was a golden chalice, with a badger hammered into one side. Zach, with a flourish, put the cup in front of Hannah. Hannah nodded to Zach, who took the case away.
Hannah poured wine into it and held it for Neville, who sipped, then took the cup and held it for Hannah.
Hannah's father – a drippy blonde looking man with bad haircut, stood up "Well, everyone My Hannah's married Neville Longbottom. We're not giving Neville a sword – he appears to have one now, but instead Hannah. Our lovely daughter."
Hannah smiled at her father. Harry felt somewhat envious. His father-in-law was a bit of a berk. A berk with a lot of cheap socks.
"Neville's associate professor of Herbology at Hogwarts now" said Hannah's father "And everyone says he's extremely good at it. Anyone that's seen his gardens and greenhouses will agree that Neville really knows how to make things flourish. My Hannah's known Neville a long time and she's flourishing."
Hannah blushed a little. Harry mentally bet she was pregnant.
"Would you like some of the white wine?" Neville's great-uncle asked Daphne.
"Oh I can't drink" said Daphne.
"Mrs Black ?" asked Neville's Grandmother "Are you well?"
"Just pregnancy" said Daphne. "A complication of our recent adventures."
Neville dropped his fork. "You're what?"
"Pregnant?" said Hannah "But you've got seven already!" she said rather louder.
Harry sighed, and explained. Sterility curses, having one's bits blown off, the whole thing.
"Bloody hell" said Susan "If I'd known it was that bad we'd have busted you out."
Daphne snorted. Harry patted her hand.
-==0==-
Months passed and Daphne's bust grew.
It could not go unremarked forever. Tori, in yet another visit, asked Daphne in a thankfully deserted parlour.
"So… you've had a boob job?" asked Tori.
"I wish to swear you to secrecy, sister" said Daphne, with a glare that could scorch paint.
"Secrecy?"
"On your honour – and Harry would get quite tetchy." said Daphne.
"Fine. I swear not to reveal what you tell me, for example, give a press conference about your boob job. I mean – you had lost some size in prison, but those are getting ridiculous," said Astoria.
"Well, it's because I'm pregnant. Of course the lack of a baby bump's more a family magics matter." said Daphne.
"You're not!" Tori boggled, "You Have SEVEN ALREADY!"
"This wasn't exactly planned." admitted Daphne, her lips pressed together, "The regrowth of Harry's bits at Azkaban were still sterility cursed, but not quite cursed enough. It's been corrected, but… let's say like the quints, this will be an easy pregnancy."
"Not quints again?"
"I have no idea – and the family magic makes diagnostics charms go screwy, so we will find out on the day." said Daphne, her ears had gone slightly pink.
"I'm going to end up spending a fortune on nieces and nephews presents." said Tori.
"Don't forget Teddy – he's your late husband's cousin's son" said Daphne.
"And lives at your house half the time," said Tori. "Honestly just dropping in unannounced for meals."
"Yes, quite," said Daphne.
"So – you're due soon?"
"In May some time, maybe June." said Daphne.
"So…." said Tori, "That tropical holiday. The one you didn't invite me to."
"Yes, that one." said Daphne. "If you were to curry favours with Harry he might let you borrow the island."
"How would I curry favour with him?" asked Tori "Apart from falling off a tower?"
"Oh, probably a donation to St Mungo's… maybe making an honest wizard of poor Michael Corner… that sort of thing." said Daphne. Or honestly just nice curry. He loves a good Thai green curry, but you've seen the way he eats it, when you come unexpectedly for dinner.
"Look," said Tori, "I'm fond of Corner, yes, but he's … you two give him the willies. I had to ask for clarification – that's a muggle saying, it means you two scare him."
"He has better survival instincts than Draco did," said Daphne with a tiny smile. "Harry likes him. The whole Dumbledores' Army, comrades in arms thing."
Tori nodded "Michael has said a few things in … unguarded moments that make me think he knows more about Harry Potter's victory than he's saying."
"Good," said Daphne, "It's all a series of secrets to prevent a repeat of the whole immortal dark lord thing. Good to know someone in the ministry knows what's going on and can keep his mouth shut – even when being … sexually compromised."
Astoria rolled her eyes dramatically. "You're such a prude."
"Tori?" asked Daphne softly, "Do you love him?"
"I think so, but… what if he's no good?" asked Astoria. She stared at Daphne with a twitch in her eyes.
"Well, then you divorce his no-good arse. Like a normal witch," said Daphne. "Don't rely on luck like I had to."
"Veritassium," said Astoria.
Daphne chuckled. "Should have taken it myself," she mused. "I was so certain of my point of view. God, I was so stupid. We both were."
"But you didn't love him then," said Astoria certainly.
"I certainly loved loving him by then," said Daphne blandly. "I… admit I overthink things."
"You live in your head" said Tori bluntly.
"Well, we're both sure now," said Daphne, "Have you both had a good read of the book?"
"Yes," said Tori, looking out the window, her ears going pink.
"Good," said Daphne. "I hope unlike mine, he doesn't turn out to be a dangerous sex maniac."
"Dangerous sex maniac?" asked Tori.
"Dangerously sexy." said Daphne. "I've been married ten years, you'd think I'd have developed some resistance to his crooked smile."
"God, you really do take after mummy," said Tori. "Getting stuck on Potter of all people. He's shorter than Michael and scrawny."
"Wiry," said Daphne instantly. "Like a panther. Also – he has phenomenal scars."
"Scars?"
"From an actual dragon. Well… one from a Horntail, and a few from the Ironbelly he stole from Gringotts… and one from when he fought the beast of Slytherin."
"Yes, I'm sure he did," said Tori.
"Tori – he took me to the Chamber of secrets and showed me the sodding thing. Enormous dead snake." said Daphne.
"So he showed you his snake in the chamber of secrets?"
"Ew, it's really dirty down under Hogwarts . No way" said Daphne. "Then he gave it to Gringotts to prove a point. They appreciated the gesture."
She snorted "I hit him over the head with a rolled up Prophet when he told me." she shook her head.
"What?" asked Tori.
"Forty galleons for a rare snake." said Daphne "and then coincidentally they forgave him for robbing them, and gave him their ministry bribe. Which he," Daphne smiled in fond recollection, "Then gave to me as pin money. I used it to found Black Books."
"His luck is not normal" said Tori.
"Some of it's not luck." said Daphne "He's way smarter than he acted at Hogwarts. Or was made out to be."
-==0==-
The hard part, thought Harry, was telling Teddy. Before Hogwarts restarted. This was definitely a tell in person kind-of-a thing.
"Teddy, come in and sit down" said Harry. He'd decided to use the office. It felt like a grown-up sort of conversation.
Teddy sat on the chair and sighed "Look, Uncle Harry, I know my grades aren't that great in Herbology – " he started. His hair went black.
"It's not that" said Harry. Teddy frowned. "Daphne and I are expecting. We're going to have another child."
"Uncle Harry – this is a joke, right?" asked Teddy. "You've got seven!" And his hair had gone bright purple, which Harry thought was a bit dramatic.
Harry sighed "No Ted. It's just… After the quints got born, I got sterilised. So that Daphne and I wouldn't have any more children. But in the accident my um… bits got blown off. The sterilisation curse didn't work properly on the regrown bits, and … well we're going to have another child."
"Ruddy Hell!" exclaimed Teddy. "In the bits!" His hair went red.
"Never mind that," said Harry. "Late May, maybe June."
"Is it gonna be twins again, or quintuplets. Or triplets or … what's the one for four?"
"I don't know," said Harry, "the word, or how many. And for complicated reasons to do with family magic that I can't talk about – medical charms don't work on Daphne properly right now."
"She doesn't look pregnant." said Ted "She should … Professor Sinistra's got a huge belly."
"Well, we did that with the twins, and there's an old family spell that means Daphne's not uncomfortable, or having morning sickness." said Harry. Sinistra's pregnant huh.
"Old Family spell?"
"A family spell under the Family magics act." said Harry "I don't think they cover that at Hogwarts. Anyway – it's um… not the Black family, so not for you."
"Oh," said Teddy, his hair went brown.
"Look Ted, it's just… you get the entire Black family wealth, that spell's from my family, and to be honest you have to be a Parselmouth to cast it anyway."
"Er," said Teddy, and his hair went green, "Is there much like that?"
"All the boring old scrolls I keep locked up in the display case" said Harry "Well, some of those scrolls are spells."
"And the rest?"
"Mostly letters" said Harry.
"Oh" said Teddy.
They sat in silence.
"Where are they gonna sleep?" asked Teddy.
"The um, attic rooms are gonna be remodelled, and then the rooms out the back of the kitchen." said Harry "Ensuites, because… the girls fight about bathrooms."
"Those were great for hide-and-seek" said Teddy, who then screwed his nose up and counted on his fingers "I'll be finished Hogwarts before they start" he said.
"Well, actually, the quints will be finished before they start" said Harry. "You'll be um… older than I was when I married Daphne."
Teddy fixed Harry with a firm gaze "Dad, are you… going to arrange a marriage for me?" he asked.
"No, I would never do that" said Harry "And Daphne wouldn't either; and her parents wouldn't dare. You get to have a fairly normal life, and meet people and mutually decide to be together."
"People say stuff," said Teddy, "Cos I'm a metamorphmagus."
Harry sighed, "Please ignore them, and avoid interacting with people who want you to be someone else; either in action or appearance."
"What if I wanted to look different," asked Teddy.
"Teddy, that's up to you. You're in charge of your life."
"What if I get it wrong?" asked Teddy.
"We've got a good lawyer," said Harry "And loads of galleons. Do try not to get arrested."
"You sound like Gran," said Teddy, looking surprised, and with suddenly pink hair.
"Well I'm doing that right," said Harry, smiling, "your gran's a very wise woman. And having Been arrested and imprisoned, don't do it."
"Do you um… mind that I got sorted into Slytherin? Mum was a Hufflepuff."
"Your dad was a Gryffindor, who should really have been a Ravenclaw. Slytherin's just evening it out a little" said Harry.
"People say you used to be really angry and stuff," said Teddy.
"To be blunt Teddy, Daphne took me to St Mungo's. I had a lot of lingering effects of a very hard childhood." said Harry.
"How come you got an arranged marriage, and it worked out?" asked Teddy.
Harry was tempted to say 'because if it hadn't she'd be dead' but decided Teddy could keep some illusions about him.
"Ted, you're in Slytherin, you must know there are quiet, posh Slytherin girls?" asked Harry.
Teddy shrugged. "Um yes. Why?"
"Well, Daphne was one of them, and I was a noisy Quidditch playing Gryffindor who got into massive amounts of trouble."
"Like Caph will," said Teddy, with an angelic little smile on his heart-shaped face.
"I'm not sure she'll play Quidditch." said Harry blandly, and Teddy giggled.
"I don't want to sound negative Teddy, but my marriage working out was basically a fluke." said Harry. Though that she was gorgeous helped.
"Aunt Daphne is very pretty," said Teddy. "And her wedding photos are famous."
Harry felt a faint blush warming his cheeks. "Well yes" he admitted. "I… when I got married I could only stare at her. My mind went quite blank."
"But she's not even part-Veela" said Teddy. "Aunt Fleur's miles prettier." And Teddy opened his mouth, then closed it, not saying something. Probably about Victiore Weasley, or her sister Dominque. Both of whom looked like clones of Fleur unless you ignored the hair, and realised they had Bill's ears, for one thing.
"Well yes, but also, Daphne doesn't turn into an angry bird-woman hybrid," said Harry, "And trust me – I used to really rub her the wrong way."
Teddy blushed, and his hair went red.
"Oh god. Yes," said Harry tiredly. Clearly Teddy'd had that sort of talk at Hogwarts. "For some strange reason she also found me very attractive."
"Uncle Harry," said Teddy, shaking his head "You win Witch Weeklies Handsomest wizard in Britain year after year."
"That's just because I'm famous." said Harry.
"Nah – lots of old witches think you're handsome." said Teddy.
"Old as in my age, or old old?"
"Old like older than school." said Teddy. "Though the girls giggled when I said who my um… Uncle was. Is it okay if I call you dad?"
"I quite like it. Do take care calling Daphne mum – she's conditioned to react badly to the word by the twins and quints." said Harry.
"Hesper and Rigel are nice," said Teddy.
"The twins will be going to Hogwarts in a few years" said Harry.
"Yeah, I'll bet McGonagall is thinking about resigning." said Teddy.
"Thanks for that vote of confidence, Teddy." said Harry.
"No problem dad. Wouldn't want you to get a big ego." said Teddy, and Harry felt like that was pure Tonks. He sighed. Teddy raised by Tonks would have been miles cooler, he thought.
"So. Your Herbology grades – " started Harry. Teddy's hair went brown. Like his father's.