Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon ball or DBZ Abridged. They are properties of their various owners.
Betaed by: Zim'sMostLoyalServant and my best friend.
Previously, on Dragon Ball IJ:
Our heroes' circle of daring-doers grew by one as Chichi, daughter of the Ox King, joined their quest. Though she seems more interested in a fun trip with her fiancé than the Dragon Balls.
But there was little time for her and Bulma to shop till they dropped, when the Rabbit Mob hopped into our heroes' path. But even with Bulma getting in touch with her inner carrot, Chichi proved more than a match for the floppy-eared gangsters.
Now our heroes are all ahead to the final ball, unaware that Yamcha and Puar continue to lie in wait, ready to strike.
Today a dragon rises, on Dragon Ball: Intended Journey.
Chapter 2
As the bright day wore on, the gang pressed onward, driving down the winding road under the shadow of a forest of giant mushrooms.
"I didn't know mushrooms could grow so big," Goku said, gazing up, looking at the underside of the monumental fungi. Chichi was also looking up, heedless of her helmet blade cutting tiny gashes into the back of the seat.
"Me neither, I wonder if they are edible?" she asked.
"You can eat mushrooms?" Goku asked, intent on the girl now.
"Yeah, but some are poisonous. They mostly taste like what you cook them with," Chichi told him.
"Hey Bulma, are these mushroom eatable?" Goku asked.
"How should I know?" Bulma asked.
"They'd be a feast of mushrooms if they were," Chichi said.
"Hey Bulma, it should be safe if we use your magic cooking, right?" Goku asked.
"It's not magic, for the last time, it's called a microwave," Bulma snapped.
"Bulma, is there another town near here?" Chichi asked.
"Hey Bulma, how far to the Dragon Ball?" Goku asked.
"Hey Bulma, do your parents know you are on a quest?" Chichi asked.
"Hey Bulma, do you think mushrooms would go well with wolf, or would centipede be better?" Goku asked.
"Hey Bulma… Hey Bulma… Hey Bulma…" and on it went with the two kids.
"Must resist urge to become a child murderer," Bulma ground under her breath. Oolong whispered back.
"Don't flatter yerself; if it came to a fight, those two would kill you and probably eat ya. You really can pick winners with traveling companions."
"Shut up! If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to go ballistic!" Buma shouted.
Five seconds later, a small missile struck the ground under their car, sending it flipping through the air to three screams and one thrilled yahoo.
"Oh crap!" Yamcha said, hitting the brakes and sending his car screeching to a halt. Planting a foot on the side of the car, he stood up with his binoculars and surveyed the Mushroom Forest until he found his targets' car, flipped and smoking.
"They got hit," he cursed.
"You think they're dead?" Puar sked.
"That group? Not likely," he said, hoping it was true. As he watched, what looked like some crude mecha descended from the sky and tore open the car's trunk. It flew off as Goku the monkey-tailed boy wiggled his way out of the wreckage.
Yamcha tossed the binoculars in the car's backseat.
"Things have escalated, Puar. We have to assume this new player is after the Dragon Balls, and if they can throw around missiles and robot suits so quickly, they likely have resources." Puar gulped, taking that in.
"We don't know anything about the Mushroom Forest, Lord Yamcha, nobody comes here, much less back! This could be a very scary group of mushroom people!"
"Fungal or not, we can't just stand by; we need to align with Goku's group to retrieve the Dragon Balls. Even if the attackers don't have the final ball, we'll need all of them to get my wish," Yamcha declared.
"That's crazy!" Puar shouted
"Bold yes, but hopefully they'll be willing to set our past conflicts aside if we're facing a strong foe," Yamcha agreed.
"No, Lord Yamcha, it's crazy because you can't hardly be within a stone's throw of that woman without freaking out. How will you be able to battle the fiendish fungi and their robots like that?"
"I'll just have to power through, telling myself it's all for the greater good of myself."
"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works," Puar sweatdropped.
"Let's just go, already," Yamcha sighed.
By the time they reached the wrecked car, Goku was nowhere in sight and Chichi was trying to lift the car enough for an apparently trapped Bulma to get out. Yamcha wasn't surprised to see the pigman standing by doing some half-baked encouragement. All Yamcha knew about the pig was that he was a former school bully, a coward, a panty-stealing pervert, and a school dropout. So, what few thoughts he spared were unflattering on that member of this little party.
"What happened to the kid, Lord Yamcha?" Puar asked, perched on his shoulder.
"Likely he went after the Dragon Balls. Now, it's showtime; play it cool, Puar, we only get one shot at this," Yamcha said.
"Yessir," Puar said, pulling sunglasses out of somewhere to put on. Yamcha opted not to comment on that as he pulled his car to a stop next to the wreck. Chichi was shifting the flipped car more than any girl her size had any business doing, but not enough for the trapped teen to get out.
"Put your back into it already!" Bulma shouted out of sight.
"No! It's legs not back, Bulma! Besides, I don't have so much back," Chichi argued.
"You only have nubby legs too! Just get me out of here!" Bulma bellowed.
"Looks like you ladies could use some help," Yamcha declared, brushing his long hair back as he struck a cool pose, standing up inside his car with one foot on top of the door.
"Oh! Hey, you're that guy in love with me!" Chichi chirped. Yamcha facefaulted out of the car onto the dirt.
"Pedo alert five, glad not to be on the bottom of the undesirable chain anymore," Oolong chuckled. Then Puar grabbed his ears and began tugging, making him cry out.
"How dare you! You're so far beneath Lord Yamcha you'd have to stand on tiptoes to touch the bottom of his boots!"
"Umm, yes, about that. When I said love, I meant strictly in that lovey adorable child way. Er, by which I mean so cute you have to help them and make sure they are alright. Like a cute little bunny," Yamcha insisted.
"Oh, did you like Bulma's old outfit? And it's good you're not in love with me, I'm spoken for now and wouldn't want to break your shy heart," Chichi said shyly, closing her eyed and turning her head.
"What's going on? Someone describe what is happening in twenty words or less," Bulma demanded, audibly struggling under the wreck.
"Will you help me get Bulma out? Goku is out beating the tar out of whoever stole her balls," Chichi said. Yamcha gulped and nodded. This was it; even without the bunny suit, Bulma was a very sexy girl, and that was just the thing to set off his phobia. If anything, this problem had gotten worse over the years. He'd crushed so hard on his master's daughter, but he'd been able to at least hold something of a conversation with her. Now he was lucky if he kept even a quarter of his wits around pretty girls since fleeing to the desert in disgrace.
Taking a spot by the wreck, his bent his knees and grabbed hold, Chichi doing the same.
'Keep it together, Yamcha. Unless you want to grow old with only cats and regrets for company, you must face your fear before you can cure your fear!'
He almost went off balance at how easy the car went up. He'd seen this girl decapitate a towering dinosaur with a blade the size of a butcher cleaver, but still he'd underestimated her, it seemed. Daughter of a giant, indeed.
Bulma scurried out of the wreck with undignified haste, calling to mind for a moment her recent rabbit outfit, then she went rolling up into a sitting position. Aside from a few scrapes and about half her hair out of the braid she'd tied it in, she looked fine. Great, even. Scary, even!
"Is that Yamcha?!" Bulma said, fixing him with hungry eyes that seemed to look onto his very soul.
"Don't get your hopes up, Bulma, apparently this guy prefers under-ri-auck!" Oolong began, before Puar started attacking his ears again. As the two small animal people grappled, Yamcha tugged at his collar, while Bulma got to her feet and made her way over.
'Oh no! She even found the time for perfume, she smells like wildflowers and blueberry pie! Who even makes blueberry pie perfume!?' Yamcha panicked, rooted to the spot.
"So what brings the desert bandit out of the desert? Could it be, love at first sight?" the pretty girl said, bending deep into his personal space.
'Play it cool Yamcha, your future relationship status depends on it!'
"I help you ride revenge explosion on Dragon Balls!" poured out of his mouth like someone had kicked a hole in the side of a water tank.
'Curse you, me!' Yamcha screamed in his head.
"Huh, so you want to help? Sorry, I think my head may still be a bit scrambled by that explosion. Girls like me aren't meant to suffer such abuse; we're supposed to have handsome hunks to do that for us. Or expendable employees," she said, heedless to the tumult in his head.
Thankfully, an unlikely savior arrived in Goku swooping down on his small golden cloud.
"The guy who attacked us died," Goku reported.
"You killed him?" Chichi gasped. Yamcha noted she sounded more excited than horrified; hopefully that was just his panic bleeding over, he thought.
"Nah, he was already dead."
"Well, if he's dead, no harm no foul, give me the Dragon Balls and we'll be on our way," Bulma huffed, holding out a hand to Goku.
"He didn't have them."
"What?! How dare someone steal what's rightfully mine!? Waah! They have a head start, and they probably have the last Dragon Ball, they'll summon the dragon, then I'll have nothing for all my suffering!" Bulma grabbed Yamcha, weeping, making him tremble at both the feel of a girl hugging him so tightly and tremble at his dream of being able to get close to women vanishing.
"But I still got my Grandpa's ball, Bulma," Goku said, pulling a Dragon Ball out of his pocket.
"Hooray, Goku!" Chichi cheered, leaping up into the air, fist raised. Bulma practically threw Yamcha to the side, letting go and whirling on the spot. Snatching the Dragon Ball out of Goku's hands, the heiress laughed maniacally.
"HAHAHAHA! Fools, you missed one! Did you truly think I'd be thwarted so easily? Without all the balls, your plans came to naught! Brace yourselves, now is the time of our counterattack!" Bulma declared, whipping out the Dragon Radar.
"Yamcha, when did you get here? Do you want a rematch?" Goku demanded, falling into a stance at the sight of the bandit he'd fought in the desert. Yamcha garbled something even Puar wouldn't try to decipher, swaying on his feet. Chichi spoke up instead.
"He was in love with me, but his heart's moved on, so he rescued Bulma, and is now going to help us cause we're all friends now, I think, except for Oolong," Chichi said, counting the points off on her fingers.
"Geeze, I'd ask why I put up with you freaks, but 'that witch slipped me a weird drug' is the answer," Oolong grumbled.
"Onward to boys and strawberries!" Bulma commanded, pointing the way while striking a pose.
X X X
"That is a big castle," Bulma gulped, craning her neck as they drove out of the forest of mushrooms.
"It's like someone crossed a castle with a bunker," Yamcha said. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel; he'd almost crashed earlier when the shotgun-riding Bulma had leaned over to rub her cheek against his. Now his eyes were locked straight ahead, feeling more relief than dread at this imposing structure.
"It's bigger than Daddy's was. But a lot uglier," Chichi said.
"It looks like a place whose owner I'd rather not meet," Oolong said.
"So, this is where the thieves live?" Goku asked. Bulma checked the radar and nodded.
"That's right, the Dragon Balls are somewhere inside there," she said as they pulled up near a story-tall double door built into the imposing castle. As they stopped, the door swung open.
"They know we're here," Puar gulped.
"Bulma, maybe you should stay here?" Yamcha suggested as they got out of the car. Bulma blushed.
"Worried about me?"
"Yes," he answered truthfully, but not in the way she likely assumed.
"Well forget it! This gang ain't splitting up, and I'm not getting abducted as some damsel in distress again!" Bulma snapped.
"Is a damsel a kind of carrot?" Goku asked.
"Hahaha! Goku, you're so funny. Our kids will adore you," Chichi smiled.
"Let's just get inside already," Yamcha suggested.
X X X
The gang were following arrows drawn on the floor of the spooky castle corridors, when suddenly they reached a dead end.
"Why does the room stop?" Goku asked.
"Because it's a trap!" a voice called out, just before a ceiling slammed down behind them, turning the dead end into a room without doors.
"Was that supposed to happen?" Goku asked.
"No genius, we're trapped like rats now!" Oolong shouted.
"Chuchchu, welcome my enemies, to Castle Pilaf. I am the Great Emperor Pilaf, leader of the Reich Pilaf," the voice said.
"Never heard of ya, and I've lived around these parts my whole life," Chichi said.
"Gah! Well, I don't advertise my presence to unwashed barbarians when I intend to have the whole world at my feet," Pilaf said.
Bulma perked up while a concerned Chichi began to sniff at an armpit.
"So that's why you want the Dragon Balls! World domination! How cliche!" Bulma accused. A panel on the wall slid aside, letting a TV activate, revealing a tiny light blue imp wearing what was clearly a clown suit.
"It's not a cliche, it's a classic of the genre!"
"Well, whatever it is, you're a fool to show yourself. Just wait until I break through that glass!" Goku declared.
"Goku, stop, it's just a TV! Like in the capsule house, remember?" Bulma said, grabbing him by the back of the shirt before he could spring into action.
"Oh! But without the horrible music?" he asked, leaning back to look up at Bulma.
"I shudder to think what you'd call good music, but sure, why not?" Bulma sighed.
"How about you and your goons come and face us like men, 'Emperor'. Or are you all alone in the control room?" Yamcha asked, cracking his knuckles.
"Actually, counting me and Mai, there's three of us," another voice said, as a red furry hand attached to an arm in a purple sleeve waved three fingers in front of Pilaf on the screen.
"Quiet, Shu, don't reveal strategic secrets to the enemy!" Pilaf shouted.
"Oh, sorry boss."
"…Anyway, before I can rule the world, I need the Dragon Ball you lot possess. So, as a beacon of civilization in these wastelands, I will make you a civil offer. You can all become my henchmen in the new world order; it's not too late to choose the side of Pilaf! HAHAHA!"
"I'd rather have a side of udon, as in u don't get nothing! BLEH!" Bulma punned, before stretching her cheeks and striking her tongue out at the so-called Emperor. Pilaf recoiled, sweating, but gathered himself, chuckling under his breath.
"Such a clever and well-executed pun. It's clear you're the leader of this little troupe, and therefore privy to all their secrets," Pilaf said. Bulma puffed out her chest, hands on her hips, grinning.
"Well of course, I have the vision, courage and charisma of a natural born leader. Why, I'm sure my high school is practically falling apart without me around to inspire students and faculty alike with how great I am."
"So you're the natural choice to interrogate for information."
"Wait, what?" Bulma said, snapping from her self-indulgent fantasies of her own importance. The roof opened, and a robot arm reached down to snatch her up and out of sight before Yamcha could even grab her foot.
"No! Monster, what are you planning!" Yamcha shouted at the screen as Pilaf chuckled.
"He's going to eat her!" Chichi shrieked.
"Yes! Wait, what?" Pilaf snapped at Chichi.
"Sire! I know the diet program you've gone on has been tremendous, but I hardly think long pork is the answer," an unseen woman spoke.
"Hey, as a pig I take offense to the use of 'long pork' as a pseudonym for eating humans," Oolong spoke up.
"Shut up, all of you! I'm not going to eat her! That's disgusting!" Pilaf protested.
"Yeah, Bulma's pretty weird, so I don't think she'd taste very good," Goku said, nodding. Everyone stared at Goku, even the until now unseen Mai and Shu leaning into sight on the screen to look at him.
"…Well, moving on. Just to dispel any doubts on cannibalism, you can watch your Bulma endure the torments of Pilaf until she breaks!" Pilaf cackled as he stepped back from the screen, and part of his wall opened to show Bulma still being held by the robot arm.
"Jerk! This isn't how someone like me should be treated!" Bulma yelled.
"You'd best show the Emperor some respect, girl, you're in his house, not yours," Mai said. She was a tall woman with pale skin and classical good looks, with straight black hair going halfway down her back, and red lips with lightly shadowed eyes. But wearing a bulky blue-gray great coat that along with brown gloves covered her body.
"Yeah, don't be fooled by his size, he has big plans and is ready to go big to get them," Shu said. He was a small fox man, only slightly taller than the Emperor, wearing a dark purple ninja outfit with a small katana on his back.
"That's right! Don't expect mercy when you are all that stands between me and the world! But it doesn't have to be nasty! Last chance girl, choose the order of Pilaf or suffer humiliation like you've never known!"
"NO!" Bulma said, turning her head away.
"Oh no, she's asking for it!" Shu gasped.
"Indeed Shu. I must resort to 'it'," Pilaf said darkly. Mai flinched.
"Emperor, shouldn't 'it' be a last resort?"
"I have no choice, Mai; judging by her commanding so many minions, and her mastery of comedy, it's clear her iron will won't buckle under lesser suffering. To dilly-dally with the kids' stuff would only waste time."
"But sire, it's barbaric!" Shu pleaded.
"And indecent! As a woman, I'm not comfortable with this, sire!" Mai pleaded, wringing her gloved hands.
"I don't pay you two to have opinions. And remember, she forced my hand, all the blame rests on her," the imp said, turning to the restrained Bulma, who was starting to shiver a bit.
"Be brave, Bulma!" Yamcha said, fists clenched.
"This is bad!" Chichi gasped.
"Are they going to fight or what?" Goku asked.
"I can't watch!" Puar said, hands flying to their eyes.
"I can, this could be spicy!" Oolong giggled.
Pilaf set his feet, kissed the palm of his hand, then blew a kiss.
"H-how do you like that?" Emperor Pilaf asked. Bulma blinked.
"Like what?"
"I blew you a kiss!" Pilaf said, hiding his face while blushing. Shu and Mai held each other for comfort.
"How gross!"
"He said the K word, out loud!"
"…I thought I had problems," Yamcha said.
"Is it okay to look now?" Puar asked.
"Unless you need parental guidance for a G movie, yes," Oolong sighed, shaking his head.
"Oh how horrible! Will Bulma ever be able to get marred after being sullied by such lewd behavior!? They don't even know each other!" Chichi panicked.
"If that was a technique, I don't think he did it right," Goku asked, not seeming to notice Chichi hugging him for comfort as she wailed over Bulma's horrid fate.
"That's all?" Bulma asked.
"What do you mean, that's all?! Blowing kisses skips right past leaving notes, hand holding, and at least three other steps in courtship!" Pilaf yelled, showing his still blushing face.
"Well, with the way you were going on, I was thinking you were going to try something like the huffpuff, the bellringer, the flagpole raising or maybe even the frog in the creek," Bulma listed off.
Pilaf and his minions screamed in horror. Pilaf ran back toward the screen and slammed his fist on a big red button. The arm yanked Bulma back into his wall, the screen turned off, and a latch opened in the roof of their prison for Bulma to be tossed down from.
"Ouch! Hey, don't get all upset with me because your parents never gave you the talk!" Bulma shook her fist at the resealed ceiling.
X X X
Pilaf shook himself as if he could thus rid himself of the filthy presence he had just endured.
"I fear we face a greater evil than ourselves in that girl," Pilaf remarked.
"Emperor, how could you do that? That girl can't even be out of high school," Mai accused him, still flushed from the whole ordeal.
"Considering how perverted her thoughts are, I'd say I'm the victim in that exchange, Mai!" Pilaf snapped.
"She's a girl, sire, she won't see eye-to-eye with you on this," Shu said.
"Enough, you idiots, it's time to resort to extreme measures. Pump that room full of knockout gas, we will just take the final ball for ourselves," Pilaf commanded.
X X X
Pilaf smiled as the drop wall rose up before him, revealing his rivals for the Dragon Balls spread out unconscious.
"What fools, for all your eloquence and so-called power, you fall like wheat before a scythe to the tools and intellect of the, the, Great Emper-" the blue imp swayed on his feet, before falling forward onto the door as Mai and Shu arrived, wearing bulky black gas masks that covered their faces.
"Oh no, the Emperor forgot his gas mask!" Shu exclaimed.
"It's divine retribution for sexual harassment. Get him clear, Shu, looks like I will have to find the Dragon Ball myself," Mai told her cohort.
Later:
Yamcha punched the wall; dust rose from the blow, but even if his hand was steady, when pulled back the stone hadn't so much as cracked.
With a cry, Goku kicked the wall nearby, to similar results.
"No good, even my kicks aren't working. This is a well-made house," Goku noted.
"You're sure this is the exterior wall?" Yamcha asked Puar.
"Definitely, Lord Yamcha, the wind and outdoor sounds are through there, my ears don't lie," the floating cat told him.
"Fat lot of good it does us locked in here," Oolong commented, hands in his pockets.
"Keep trying! It can't end like this! After all the pain, suffering, and humiliation we have endured! It would be tragic for me to not get my wish!" Bulma wailed.
"Well, it may already be too late; who knows how long we were out for, toots. Why would this Pilaf guy wait around to make the wish like a movie villain waiting to press the big red button of doom?" Oolong asked.
Meanwhile, Outside:
"You seem quite refreshed sire," Mai said to Emperor Pilaf as he joined them in the cleared space between the castle and the Mushroom Forest. Mai was holding the Dragon Balls on a velvet cushion, and Shu wasn't doing much of anything.
"Oh, is that perfume I smell, sire? Very fancy," Shu complimented their diminutive blue master as he arrived.
"Don't be absurd, it is a most regal cologne. You really should try and be more cultured, Shu. After all, after that unplanned nap, I took the time to change into my best outfit and freshen up for the occasion; and here you and Mai are, attending this auspicious event in your everyday work duds. Truly you two have no sense of decorum," Pilaf chided.
"Forgive us sire," they said, bowing.
"Just make sure it doesn't happen next time I summon a dragon god. Speaking of which, it's time to pick up my date with destiny. Let us summon the Eternal Dragon so he can grant my wish!"
X X X
"Yep, no reason to delay whatsoever," Oolong nodded.
"Maybe this will work, hiyaa!" Chichi said, popping off her helmet blade.
"Wait, don't-" Yamcha protested, before she let it fly. It bounced off the wall and proceeded to ricochet around the stone chamber, eliciting screams of terror before Chichi finally caught it again and snapped it back into place.
"Whoops, sorry," Chichi apologized, standing next to Goku and bowing to the stunned and scared others.
"And I thought Goku was dangerous. Bulma, do I still have my tail?" Oolong asked.
"Forget your tail, I thought my head was going to break up with my body!" Bulma gulped.
"Wait, Goku, try the Kamehameha on the wall," Yamcha asked.
"Huh, the Turtle Guy's move?"
"Yes, he leveled a mountain with it. Even if yours is much weaker, it might be enough to knock down one little wall, right?" Yamcha said, holding thumb and forefinger apart.
"Well, can't hurt to try. Hope it doesn't bounce," Goku said, assuming the position.
"Go Goku, go! Go Goku, go!" Chichi cheered, with everyone but Oolong picking it up as she slowly called the attack.
"HA!" Goku released the bright energy in a ray that struck the wall and bore through it. Cheers faded as the light did, revealing a hole not much bigger than Yamcha's fist.
"Well, at least it didn't bounce," Puar pointed out.
They all looked through the hole made by Goku's Kamehameha to see the dark sky split by orange light, silhouetting the three villains outside.
"That light, it must be the Dragon Balls! They're going to summon the Dragon!" Bulma shrieked.
"What?! But the wish!" Yamcha shouted.
"I don't wanna lose!" Bulma cried.
"Goku, can you make another hole?" Yamcha asked, feeling the edges of the hole.
"Not for a bit, I'm too hungry," Goku said, rubbing his growling stomach.
"I can make the hole bigger!" Chichi said, stepping to the front of the group and grabbing the front of her helmet.
ZAPBOOM
"Gah! That was something," Yamcha said from the floor, hair messed up and bits of rubble falling on him.
"Help?" Bulma's voice came from next to him, where her feet wiggled under a pile of rubble.
"They got buried!" Yamcha yelled, getting to his feet.
"We're fine," Goku said, brushing some dust off his outfit while Chichi next to him was coughing into one hand, waving away the dust in the air with the other.
"Lord Yamcha, forget about me, fulfill your quest!" Puar called out from under the rubble.
"Forget that! Save me!" Oolong also called.
"Um, oh boy! Okay! Chichi, dig them out, Goku we'll get the Dagon Balls," Yamcha said, pointing to the two kids before dashing out the broken wall.
"Right!" the two kids said.
X X X
"This is it! After all these years of being looked down upon for my height, my name, and my so-called impractical innovations, the world will have no choice but to submit to the order of Pilaf," the diminutive would-be monarch cackled as the seven Dragon Balls pulsed ever quicker before him on the ground.
"Sire, are you sure it's safe to be that close?" Mai asked, standing a good several yards behind him with Shu.
"Of course it is!"
"Really? Because it seems kind of our ironic luck that the Dragon would appear just to step on us by accident," Shu said.
"That is…" Pilaf trailed off.
"Emperor?" Mai asked, as Pilaf took a place behind them.
"I merely want a good view for the Dragon's appearance; after all, it's a once in a lifetime event to summon an ancient being to carry out your will."
"Should we have set up a camera?" Shu asked.
"Well, it's too late for-" Pilaf began, before Yamcha grabbed him by the head and tossed him away. Pilaf's scream drew the attention of his two henchmen, Shu barely able to dodge a kick and Mai spared a punch by Yamcha freezing up at the sight of her pretty face.
She wasn't so fortunate when Goku swept her feet out from under her with his power pole.
"I won't be thwarted in my moment of triumph! Mai, release Pilaf's special attack hounds!" Pilaf called, recovering his hat and beginning to dash back toward the fight.
"Right!" Mai said, pulling out a remote and hitting three buttons rapidly. Doors opened in the side of the castle and a horde of dark red-eyed canines ran out, swiftly surrounding the group as Pilaf rejoined his henchmen.
The Pilaf Gang laughed as Yamcha and Goku looked around at the circling hounds.
"Fools, you should have stayed in my dungeon where it was safe. Now witness the fury of guard dogs whose fury is only matched by their obedience!" Pilaf declared. Then he noticed a good bit of the growling and snarls was directed at him and his group.
"Mai, why are they looking at me like a beef entree?" Pilaf questioned, stepping back.
"I don't know, sire, so long as Shu fed them, they should be perfectly safe for us."
"Hold on now, it's your job to feed the dogs!"
"No it's not, I swapped that duty with you for extra motor pool work!"
"No, you asked that, I left a sticky note in the break room respectfully declining your request!"
"I didn't see any sticky note!"
"I put it on the other side of the one Emperor Pilaf used to inform us Taco Tusedays would now be on Wednesdays!"
"Shu, you fool, sticky notes only adhere on one side!" Pilaf screamed, before the hounds descended on them and the heroes alike.
"Goku, get the Dragon Balls!" Yamcha yelled as he fended off the hounds.
"And then what?" Goku asked, dodging one hound and punching another aside.
"Improvise! Wolf Fang Fist!" Yamcha yelled, carving a path through the press of hounds, even getting one off Mai's back.
"Power Pole Extend!" Goku commanded, bringing the lengthening weapon around in a sweep, knocking aside the angry hungry dogs, letting him reach the Dragon Balls as lightning erupted upward, splitting the heavens.
The dogs drew back from the light he approached, focusing instead on the prey that wasn't scary.
The lightning turned red, and as Goku watched, a form emerged from the lightning, adorned by swirling dark clouds. A dragon bigger than the castle, long and coiling, its four feet adorned by great claws, its head crowned in dark brown antlers, and red eyes gazing down on the world.
"I am Shenron, the Eternal Dragon, reflect on your desires oh mortal, for I shall grant a wish and only one," the dragon's thundering voice shook the land. It made Yamcha and the Pilaf Gang pause in awe, but only a for a moment as the hungry dogs were not likewise impressed. And made Chichi and the unearthed Puar pause in digging out Bulma.
"Wow, I get a wish?"
"Yes."
"Huh, I don't really want any stuff," Goku said.
"I do!" Pilaf yelled, before being tossed into the air by a dog and back into the fray.
"…Really? Then perhaps wish for something for someone else?" The Dragon rumbled.
"I can do that?" Goku asked.
"Yes! Now make haste so I can go back to sleep!" Shenron snapped.
"Hmm, Bulma wanted something. Something she doesn't have. Was it balls? No… Well, I know! She doesn't have a tail, and Chichi is nice too. Okay Dragon, I wish my friends Bulma and Chichi had tails like mine."
"An unusual request, but it shall be done," the Dragon rumbled.
"I live!" Bulma gasped, sitting up in the rubble as Chichi set another stone aside. Then both were struck by crimson lighting. Chichi's helmet blasted clear off, and she fell over on top of the smoking Bulma, both their eyes whirling.
"Your wish is granted, fare thee well," the dragon declared as the hounds fled from the thunder for the Mushroom Forest.
"Huh? No, wait…" Pilaf muttered, reaching from his spot on the ground toward the dragon as it turned red and faded from sight. The Dragon Balls, while they all watched, rose up in a circle toward the sky. Flaring one final time, they shot off over the horizon.
"Wow. Wait, my Grandpa's ball! Where'd it go?" Goku cried out.
"You little idiot! My beautiful plans for world domination are-" Pilaf ranted, before Yamcha smacked a fist down on his head. He looked to the torn and battered but still standing Shu and Mai.
"Are we done here?" he asked.
"Yes," they said in tandem, sagging.
A Ways Off, Soon Enough:
"Goku, you idiot!" Bulma yelled, shaking Goku as she held him off the ground. Her hair had come out of its ponytail entirely, going down her back in a spiky mane, matching the torn look of her outfit. Chichi was stroking her tail, frowning slightly, her helmet missing and leaving her hair displayed in spiky curls like thorny vines.
Yamcha stood off to the side with Puar, looking up at the bottom of the giant mushrooms.
"Because of you, this whole thing ended up a waste of my valuable time! I've got nothing to show for all my suffering! No boyfriend and no STRAWBERRIES!" Bulma yelled.
"Don't be silly, Bulma, you got something. You have a tail now!" Goku said, smiling. Bulma tossed him into the dirt with all the might her fury could conjure.
"Get it through your head, stupid, I don't want a tail! And what about Chichi, you should be ashamed of yourself!"
"Well, it's cute that we match now," Chichi said, blushing a little.
"…Waaah! What did I do to be surrounded by such fools!?" Bulma screamed to the heavens as a storm rolled in, covering the sky.
"There, there, Bulma, I know what it is to have your dreams slip through your fingers," A crying Yamcha said, pulling Bulma into an embrace as she wailed about the unfairness of life.
"I'm going to be single forever!"
"I'll never be able to get close to women!"
…
…
"Huh?" they said together, looking up at each other in the embrace.
"Lord Yamcha?" Puar asked, as the two broke into a very disorderly happy dance.
"So, Goku, you think I'm cuter with this tail?" Chichi asked, showing her back to Goku.
"Sure. But wait! What about my Grandpa's ball, it went flying!" Goku yelled. Bulma paused in her dance and Yamcha stopped before bumping into her.
"Oh right, I never told you. According to legend, once a wish is granted, the Dragon Balls scatter to the ends of the Earth. That's why they were lost, no one could hoard them for wish after wish."
"So I need to track it down?" Goku drooped.
"Not for a year," Bulma said, getting out the Dragon Radar and checking it.
"Yep, no signal at all. The Dragon Balls go dormant for a year, nothing more than stone. Impossible to track."
"So, we'll go on another journey in a year?" Goku asked. Bulma grinned and tossed the radar to Goku.
"Not this time, bucko! I've got my boyfriend and I can just buy all the strawberries. You can hunt them yourself!"
"Not alone, though," Chichi said, glomping the boy.
"For now though, we've got a car, so why don't we all head back to West City to celebrate?" Bulma said, patting the hood of Yamcha's car.
"No thanks Bulma, if we're done here, I'm going to go see the Turtle Guy about that training," Goku said.
"And I'll go with Goku. I'll train with him like my daddy trained with his grandpa!"
And so the companions parted ways amiably, having grown and changed from their journey and left a trail of righted wrongs in their wake. Truly all is well that ends well.
Pile of Rubble, Castle Pilaf Dungeon:
"Hello? This isn't funny!" Oolong called, buried under the rubble, "Sure, let's just forget about the pig, why don't we?! It's not like he's vitally important to the story… This is how supervillain origins happen, ya know… I have rocks in my butt."
End of Arc 1!
Author Announcement:
Another one down. The first arcs wraps up and two ladies get some nifty new accessories, just saying.
Hoping to see you here again next Friday, for the next chapter of Dragon Ball Intended Journey.