Today I finally let Bella see me in the sunlight. I had warned her repeatedly about the sunshine and how horrible I look in it, but she cooed and said she was sure it was nothing. It is not nothing and I think she was quite shocked once she saw it with her own two eyes. Perhaps she should have shut one of her eyes, it might have dampened the shock somewhat.

We made a strong start on our cabin build and should be done relatively soon. I could have built the whole thing with plumbing and electrics in about fifteen minutes, but I had promised Bella that we would do things so she could contribute equally, so alas it is taking FOREVER.

Charlie left for work at seven and Bella and I enjoyed a lazy hour canoodling in bed before she got impatient to get on with the cabin. She showered and I decided to make her sandwiches and pack her a lunch for a nice picnic to eat while she watched me build. I put three sodas in a bag, and made her twelve sandwiches, as I wanted to be sure to be something she liked on the menu. I had learned about nutrition at school, so added a pineapple to the bag for her fruit snack. I found a large plastic tub with a lid to use as a lunchbox and stowed the treats inside. Bella gave me a big kiss when she saw I had made her lunch and peered curiously in the bag. She laughed and removed the pineapple, saying she couldn't eat the whole thing and an apple would be better. I don't see what was wrong with the pineapple. Fussy! It was the gruel debacle all over again!

I carried her and her lunch to my house, she had her eyes screwed up and her nose had the most adorable crinkles in it the whole time. She really doesn't like going so fast, but was very eager to get started. I dropped her off to chat with Esme and Alice, then ferried the materials from the yard and garage back and forth to the cabin site along with an axe, saw and chisels.

I set up a garden chair and Emmett's old cabin stove for Bella to work at getting the rust off of while we chatted and I built. I didn't want her to feel left out. It is ever so rusty, but Bella has insisted on trying to resurrect it.

When I went back to collect Bella, Alice had her in her sewing room going on about fabrics for curtains. Bella seemed interested, so I left them to it for a while. It seems Bella wants to make some lampshades, a new rolling blind using the parts from the ugly one we found and some assorted soft furnishings that all require sewing. I am all for this plan! The window blind she found in a dumpster is shockingly gaudy, a real eyesore! Blue and white stripes- what were they thinking?!

Esme wanted in on the action too, organizing a series of 'crafternoons' this week after school. At least I can trust her to be gentle with Bella's feelings, even if Alice is bound to suggest projects that make Bella feel poor or unskilled.

After a lot of fussing about and tutting, in gradually increasing volume on my part, Bella was released and I carried her to the cabin site. It was still cloudy, but Alice saw it clearing up mid-morning. She had told me it would be fine, but was blocking her visions from me which had put me in an irritated mood. I got to carry Bella and get away from their thoughts though, so my mood improved quickly.

Bella was excited but also a little shocked by all the materials asking if we really needed all this stuff. She was right, of course, we had far more than the bare minimum, but had still stayed within budget so far. I wanted her to be comfortable and for us to have fun here, not just feel like we were hiding in a shed. That would be fun too of course, but this would be better.

"What's first Edward?"

"I need to peel the bark off all the logs."

I set to work and so did Bella, chipping at the thick layer of rust on the stove with a screwdriver, then scrubbing with a metal barbecue brush she'd taken from her basement. We chatted a little while I peeled the bark. Bella watched me when she wanted a break, but returned to the stove with determination every time.

I laid the courses of logs, cutting round saddle notches for the corners and making sure everything was level before adding the next course. Bella squealed with delight as she saw the walls quickly take form.

"Edward! Wow! This is so amazing!"

I chuckled and kept going at top speed until she said I was making her dizzy. I immediately darted to her and held her face tenderly.

"I'm sorry, are you ok? Should I stop for a moment?"

She nodded and rested her forehead against mine, humming at the cool sensation.

"I wish I could keep up with you."

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go at human speed?"

"No. I just wish I was fast like you."

"Well, I wish I was human like you."

She kissed me softly and I stroked her hair, she smiled at me and stroked my biceps. "You're so strong." Her eyes were wide and she bit her lip "It's really hot."

"You like it?" She blushed and nodded. I picked her up from the chair and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her legs around me! This was without doubt the best way to take a break.

Then the sun came out.

Bella slowed her kisses and her eyes fluttered open, the reflections had interrupted her focus. Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped "Holy fuck!"

I was avoiding her gaze, as I felt humiliated to be seen this way. I made to set her down and she said "What are you doing? I'm not done kissing you."

She stroked my face and said "Edward, you're beautiful, so beautiful. I could never be disgusted by you. Please look at me, baby." Her eyes were filled with tears, they glittered with the rainbow reflections I cast across her face. She looked like she was glowing, so peaceful and fierce.

" It's so inhuman. It looks horrid."

"I don't think so, it's like diamonds or prisms, or what are they called? The milky rainbow ones? Opals." She traced her hand in the air by my face watching the reflections dance across her palm fascinated. "You are so beautiful, Edward." I opened my mouth to respond but she whispered "Don't you dare contradict me. It's my opinion and that's what I really feel." then resumed her unfinished kissing with even more gusto.

"I am so lucky." I told her as I kissed up and down her neck. "You're everything Bella. My everything."

"No, I'm the lucky one. You're incredible Edward."

I wanted so badly to confess my love to her. She is so accepting of me, I will never understand how. I worry and hope that she shall come to her senses but she is surprisingly constant.

I nuzzled her and breathed in her scent one more time before setting her down. She was warm and smelled especially fragrant (some might say sweaty, I say delightful). We would have abandoned work altogether if we had carried on and I thought she probably needed some time to process this new, revolting revelation about me.

In hindsight, I don't know why I pulled my sweater and t shirt off, but I did. Hiding has been exhausting. Perhaps I figured if she was going to change her mind, then that would do it.

I went back to work, casting rainbows hither and thither like some kind of infernal disco ball. I finished the walls and started cutting the beams for the roof. The saw slowed me down so I split the wood with my hands into planks and rafters, only using tools when absolutely necessary to smooth off the grain. I took extra care to make sure everything was as smooth and soft as possible for Bella.

I pushed nails through the joints with my thumb, securing beams and framing out the roof. Then paused to get Bella, who was still scrubbing at the stove.

I jumped down to get her and asked if it was ok to jump inside with her. I paused, balancing on the roof beams so she could see the five internal walls from overhead.

"Where should we put the doors? That's the living room, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom and restroom." I pointed out the different tools to Bella as she took everything in. "I think if the stove is in the middle of the cabin it will heat everything evenly. I plan on putting all the plumbing on this one side, that's why the restroom, bathroom and kitchen are all in a row on that side."

"It looks so good! This is so exciting."

"We should think about the windows and the French doors we got too.

Well, the restroom should open this way I guess? That's the only way that makes sense, right?"

"I think so." I jumped down and put Bella in the living room space. "You choose where you want the doors and windows. I'll cut the restroom door."

I was done before she'd decided, so checked she wanted the bathroom leading to the bedroom before cutting that out as well.

"Can we put the French doors in the bedroom? I think that might be nice. Or would it be too drafty?"

"They're double glazed and I'll keep the fire going in the night if you're ever cold."

"Ok. It will be nice to look out of them in the daytime."

"Can we make a pair of sliding doors that go into the bedroom from the living room? Is that too tricky?"

"Not too tricky at all. I think it will let the light through nicely. We can get the bedroom warm quickly that way too."

I showed her where I planned to cut and lifted her, jumping to set her safely in the kitchen, so no splinters hit her. "Think about the door and window in here beautiful. I'll be right back."

I hacked out the space for the bedroom doors and measured all the windows we had collected. We had enough to give plenty of light, though not all of them were double glazed and a couple had small cracks. I can replace them with bigger windows in the future if we find better ones for free.

I hopped back into the rafters and saw Bella looking up at me, smiling. The sunshine makes her hair look redder and almost glow this really beautiful shade. Despite everything, she looks very beautiful with the rainbows dancing across her skin. I just wish it weren't caused by my skin flashing reflections at her like a jinxed slot machine.

We talked through the kitchen layout, then I picked her up to jump with her clear of the debris and return her to her fishing chair and stove cleaning, she giggled. Bella had her hand on my bare chest and it felt really warm and wonderful. It made me think less about the kitchen and more about the bedroom. Would it be ok to be touched like this more? Was she ok with it? I couldn't understand why she didn't seem put off.

"Sorry. I should put my shirt back on. I don't know why I took it off."

"Aww. I like it when I get to see more of you." She whispered.

"Really?!"

"Of course you doofus! I can't get enough of you!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me then ran her hands down my chest and up my back causing me to shiver and my breath to stutter.

"Bella."

"Nice?"

"Yeah, really nice." I whispered. She smiled and kissed me again.

She bit her lip and stroked my chest again, "I'm getting quite distracted."

"Sorry. Let me show you the kitchen counters."

"You dope." She giggled. "I'm trying to flirt with you!" Then she blushed deeply. I was so clueless even after all this time with her.

"Oh! Do you like being distracted then?"

"If it's by you with no shirt on. Yes. Definitely." She said shyly, "You give me all sorts of distracting ideas."

"Like what?"

"Well maybe if you take your shirt off more often you'll be able to find out. Now, show me these countertops!" Was she teasing me? It was working. Bella is good at flirting. Not like me. I'm rubbish at it.

Bella said she had an idea for the sliding doors and asked me to leave those to her and Esme and that it was a surprise. I pestered her for a long time and scuttled a little bit, but alas she was resolute in her decision to keep it quiet.

She went back to working on the stove and I began working on the plumbing layout. I want to clean and weld the pipes and make sure they are sturdy enough, so I could not install them today. I have been putting off asking Rosalie whether or not I can borrow her welder but the time has now come.

I added tar paper to the roof to waterproof it and made long batons to secure it.

"Do you want to use the roof tiles we collected or cedar shingles?"

"Is one better than the other?"

"If we use cedar we would be able to sell the tiles I guess. Cedar can get damaged in the rain, but tiles can crack in the winter, so they both need maintenance long term. Anyway, we'll only use the cabin for a little while, so you don't need to worry if the roof lasts. So, which do you think?"

Bella was quiet for a while, thinking, then asked "Which do you like the look of better?"

"Cedar I think. How about you?"

"Cedar's good. They're both good. If they'll be as strong then let's use cedar." It seemed like she wanted to say something else, but thought better of it.

I found a good tree from the ones I had felled and cut it into sections then split the trunk of each round into even wedge-shaped shingles. Once I had several hundred I added batons across the roof to hang the shingles from and started to layer them in neat rows.

Bella eventually sighed at the stove and threw down her wire brush. She stretched and cracked open a soda.

"What's wrong beautiful?"

"Oh nothing." She wore an unconvincing smile.

"The stove?"

"You've built the whole entire cabin and it looks amazing and I haven't even managed to get rid of this one spot of rust in the same time."

"Hmmm. Why don't we change tasks for a while? Your arms must be tired."

"There's nothing useful I can do Edward. You know that."

"That's not true. You've done so much!"

"That you could've done in two minutes or paid for in a second. It's ok. I just don't like feeling like a freeloader, but you don't need to baby me and pretend. It's not like I'm a kid who thinks she's helping but is just slowing everyone down. I know how it is." She was angry and resigned. This was absolutely not what building a cabin together was supposed to be about.

I jumped down and knelt before her, "I've made you feel useless. You're not useless at all! Oh no! I'm so sorry. Oh Bella! That was the last thing I wanted. Oh no! Oh dear!" I usually felt proud being so fast and enjoyed it, but I'd been showing off thoughtlessly and had hurt Bella's feelings, so I felt horrid as a result.

I reached for her hand patting it and said "What can I do to make it better?"

"You can't and I don't need you to. I'm not a kid, Edward." She pulled her hand back and picked up the bronze bristled brush, attacking the stove again. She was being a bit childish but there was no way I was going to point out the contradiction right then. I was at a loss as to what to do.

"Do you want to stop for today?"

"Nope."

"I don't want to carry on. It's making you feel bad." She redoubled her scrubbing, ignoring me. I opted to shuffle some materials about and tidy up, then quietly made a sketch of the plumbing and electrical layout. I tried to make a list of things Bella is better at than I. I plan on adding to it as I discover new talents.

Bella is better than Edward at:

Cooking

Kisses

Flirting

Scritches (gives world's best )

Warming people up

Talking about ladies

Being brave

Making friends

Staying calm (I have never seen her hiss once! Incredible control! She deserves a certificate)

Forgiveness

I can see how these skills are not helping her feel capable when it comes to tasks requiring physical strength and speed. I want to talk to Esme and Alice about how to make her feel more valuable. She is. Absolutely she is. She just doesn't feel that way.

The whole thing would be hollow and futile if it were not for her though. Existence would be. She's everything.

I sat down and fiddled about with some hinges and planned the doors for inside. I was trying to work but not work, as both options seemed unpalatable to Bella at that moment. It was so awkward.

After a while I started to edge closer to Bella and within a few minutes I had shuffled on my butt across the fifteen yard that had been separating us. I thought I had been sneaky so maybe she wouldn't notice but she gave me a look and a little smile that told me she knew what I was up to. I was next to her legs, so nuzzled against her a little bit and she sighed again.

"Sorry I'm in a bad mood."

"No, I'm sorry I made you feel bad. I just want us to have somewhere nice to be alone. It's not worth it if it makes you feel bad though."

"Ah, it's ok. I'm just not used to it. Usually I'm the one sorting things out and looking after people. I can't do that with you though. It's hard for me."

"You do look after me. Always. And I want to look after you. Because I care about you, not because I think you're like a child or can't look after yourself. I didn't realize how uncomfortable that makes you feel. I should have been more thoughtful."

"You are thoughtful. You haven't done anything wrong. You're wonderful. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself."

"Do you want to help me seal up the wood?"

"Yeah. Ok then. Sorry." She put down the brush finally. She was making real progress with the stove. She would finish within a few more hours I thought.

"What do we need to do?"

"Could you paint the wood oil on all the wood? It helps weatherproof it. Or put mortar and moss into the gaps between them to stop drafts? Both of those jobs need doing today really, so that the inside stays dry."

"Let's do the mortar first. The oil might stop it sticking."

I got a bucket and mixed up enough mortar for us both. Then I realized we didn't have trowels.

"Oh no. Oh dear! Oh no..."

"What is it?"

"We need trowels and I don't have them."

"Can't we use our hands?"

I did not like this idea in the slightest, but we had the gloves from dumpster diving so I nodded and hunted them out.

"We need sand, water and cement. Shall I get the sand and water and bring it here or do you want to help me get it from the stream?"

"You get the heavy stuff, I'll find something to mix it with."

Bella seemed happier once we were doing a task together and used her phone to play some music while we worked. She enjoyed slapping the mortar into the gaps and so I focused on the higher joints she couldn't reach while she did the lower parts of the cabin. I kept to human speed to try and keep the work even between us and that seemed to help too.

Ninety minutes later we had finished the exterior and started work on the interior walls. I asked questions about which way she wanted the doors to open and what tiles we should use for the kitchen and bathroom. We talked about what colours we might like in the furnishings and what we had in our bedrooms we could bring. Bella agreed to let me bring my old stereo as it would work with the speakers I had snagged and she only had the one in her room. I love listening to music together, it feels really special to share that with her. I love movies too, but I have to stop looking at her, and I always want to look at her more than anything else.

Bella thought it might be a good idea to use the granite scraps I'd found to mosaic into a hearth for the stove, which is an excellent idea. She is always so clever!

It was past one and Bella was in a decidedly better mood when she cracked open her second soda and opened her lunchbox eagerly.

"Wow! There's enough for a whole football team! What did you make me?"

"I hope you like them! I cooked!" I was feeling very proud of myself.

She peered inside the first sandwich- peanut butter and pickles. "Oh! That's, um, an unusual combination. I've never tried it before."

She took a bite and gave me a strained smile.

"Oh dear. It tastes terrible doesn't it?" I ventured. She nodded and picked up a second sandwich.

"Potato and turkey!" I announced.

"Did you...Edward did you cook the potatoes?"

"No. They should be nice and crunchy."

"Well, I do like crunchy foods, but humans get sick if they eat raw potatoes, baby." I hissed and grabbed the poison from Bella's clutches and her lunch box, flinging them up into the sky, they never came down.

"Cheese!" She looked relieved.

"And gel!" I added.

"What gel?"

"The one in the fridge door?" I'm not usually superstitious, but I had crossed my fingers by this point.

"Baby...baby, I think that was the fridge freshener. It's not edible." Curses!

"Tell me you like jelly and onions, please!" I was starting to scuttle.

"Not together, but..." she took one sandwich and picked out the onions and then took another and flicked off the pickles. "Peanut butter and jelly is my favourite." In an unprecedented display of creativity, Bella put the jelly bread and the peanut butter bread together and took a big bite. She smiled and hummed at the taste.

"Allow me to make you an onion and pickle sandwich my dear!" I said, picking up the remaining slices of bread and ingredients. I lost some of the crispy brown onion skins in my assembly, but managed to save the roots.

Bella froze and I did the same. "Erm. I think I'll be really full after three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Edward. But thank you so much for offering. You're so kind!"

"Oh of course! No problem! Maybe they will do for lunch tomorrow!"

"Hmmmm maybe. We'll have to wait and see I guess!"

"Quite right. Shall we go to the hardware store once you're done? We need more cement and a few other things."

"What if they tell dad we were in there? It's a small town, people are so nosy."

"Hmmm. Should we drive to Port Angeles then?"

"Why don't you leave me at the house and go alone? I can chat with Alice about the curtains and stuff."

"Ok."

I was a bit nervous about leaving Bella behind in case she was made to feel poor, but I gave Alice a firm warning not to feed her raw potatoes or gel and a warning hiss for good measure.

I was only gone twenty minutes but when I returned Bella's eyes were red and swollen.

"I TOLD YOU NO POTATOES!" I shrieked. "CARLISLE!"

"It's fine Edward. I didn't eat raw potatoes. I was just talking about mom. I miss her."

Carlisle was taking Bella's blood pressure by this point, just to be sure, and I was getting second-by-second readings on my trusty infrared thermometer gun, hopping about like a ninja to get different angles. Ninety eight point FIVE. I blame Alice.

This was the first time anyone had ever cried in this house. It was not for the want of trying on my part. That reminds me, I really should buy some more wasabi for when the mood strikes. I'm not sure you could count my wasabi induced weeping bouts as crying, as my tears were not really real like Bella's.

"You miss your mother?"

Bella nodded and let out a strangled, "Yeah. A lot." before bursting into a fresh fit of tears.

I picked her up and cradled her to me, stroking her hair as she cried silently into my chest for a moment before scrubbing her eyes, sniffing and insisting she was fine and moving to sit beside me.

Esme told me they had been discussing crafts Bella had tried with her mother and she had suddenly started to get upset. It had been quite some months since she had visited her mother, no doubt longer than she had ever gone without seeing her before.

Esme sat beside us and patted Bella's hand.

"I think it's time you paid her a visit sweetie. I bet she'd love to see you."

"I think you might be right. I'll give her a call later." She looked up at me and I knew she was wondering how I would cope without her for a few days. She should have been thinking of herself and her family.

Bella was embarrassed for her show of emotion in front of my family, although she needn't have been. I thought it best to return to building and move past the whole thing until we were alone and she could speak openly about her feelings. Once we were back at the cabin I made sure to encourage her to visit her mother and spend some time reconnecting. I had been selfish with her, despite my attempts to make sure she kept up her friendship with Angela and spent time every week alone with her father too.

I realize now that in the past Bella might have called her mother in the evenings before bedtime, but now she was hurrying to be with me. I'm sure she would have missed her anyway, but I had definitely not helped the situation by putting extra pressure on Bella to speed through her evening routine in order to spend time with me.

We spent the afternoon working. After two hours finishing the gaps with mortar inside, I framed out the windows, boxing in the ugly, but energy efficient, plastic, double glazed units. They looked a little odd in such chunky frames, but the wood hid the white plastic and Bella thought they were cute.

Bella had perked up a lot at the prospect of a weekend in the Florida sunshine, and she showed more resolve when she returned to the task of scrubbing the stove as a result. With a little help from me, she finally finished just after three and we cheered and I lifted her onto my shoulders and danced about a bit like we'd just won the Super Bowl to celebrate. We washed off the stove and then Bella followed instructions she had found on her phone for seasoning the stove to prevent future rust.

By the time the sun went down we had a sealed, weatherproofed cabin, had a seasoned stove and a plan for almost everything that was going to go inside. Bella had a few surprises planned and requested that I leave all the lighting and furnishing to her. I felt this would give Bella a good chance to put her stamp on the place and feel more equal, so agreed right away.

While she has her 'crafternoons' this week and visits her mother I will have plenty of chances to do the plumbing, wiring, electrical work, weather sealing the cabin with oil, tiling, building the kitchen, renovating and installing the jet bathtub and and fitting the cedar parquet flooring I am planning throughout, as well as designing and carving our bed. I want to make something special for us, Bella deserves the most comfortable bed to nap and snuggle in.

I wonder what kind of carvings Bella would like, maybe woodland creatures like squirrels and owls. Or I could make a celestial themed bed with shooting stars and planets carved into the wood. Or flowers and leaves. Or food, she likes food. I really am not sure what she would prefer. I should probably ask Alice.

Commenters get a cheese and gel sandwich from Edward.
Please suggest what you'd like to see Edward carve on the bed. (Emmett will definitely suggest dicks.)

N: I love you more than I can say, your friendship means the world to me and I admire you so much for being so amazingly strong and for having such passion in your soul xxx

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, I honestly love your reviews and am very grateful to you all. My mental health is still very poor, it has been for some years now and so I often don't have the energy to write, or do anything much, I have a lot of days where I'm not functioning at all. Please know that even if I don't reply to you, that I am very, very grateful and reading your comments brighten my day. Thank you!