Chapter 8
The Catshack Redemption
"Hey, I've brought you some more prisoners," Dragonmite shouted, gently nudging Kris, Susie, and Ralsei to kneel on the docks. Guards were rushing forward.
"Yarg! I've come to collect their bounty," Noelle spat, pretending to be a salty buccaneer bounty hunter.
The guards for the floating fortress prison were unnervingly humanesque. They looked like Kris and The Dude, but their skin tone was stone-blue and their eyes gleamed emerald. Each guard wore a peculiar suit of orange armor and had swords similar to Kris'. What made them truly creepy, however, was the fact that their mouths didn't move either when they spoke to Noelle and Dragonmite.
"There should be four prisoners. We observed four of them fighting you," the lead guard said to Dragonmite.
"Oh! I ate her," Dragonmite lied unabashedly.
"Yerg! She was a nasty 'un," Noelle said fervently. "This her' dragin' et the one who done was throwin' up all 'em ice spells!"
"How many times do you think her accent is going to change?" Susie whispered to Kris, who did their best not to smirk and snort. Noelle was trying her best.
"Yeah, eating her really calmed the fire in my stomach," Dragonmite said, patting her stomach.
"Is that what you did when you stopped in the middle of your dive?" the lead guard pressed.
"Yup!"
"And what about you, bounty hunter?"
Noelle composed herself and spat before saying, "I admit, tho terrible, tha' they done caught me earlier, but in the fightin', the dragin' did enough damug tha' I was able to break loose! I caught 'em and bound 'em up! See?"
"Yes, I see," the lead guard sniffed.
Kris, Ralsei, and Susie were all bound up in leftover seaweed and wires ripped free from the ship that was now sinking behind them. Well, they had gotten their money's worth from it, but now they would need to steal another vessel in order to get off this floating prison.
Glancing up and around, Kris noted that this was going to be a difficult task. The sea-locked prison rested on a gigantic, buoyant platform. It rose like a giant block of cement, with a large tower sprouting from the top. The tower bristled with guns. There were no windows and only one door that Kris could spy. If there were any ships, they were either behind the prison, expertly hidden, or worse, there were none.
Well, they were here now and needed to rescue Berdly and Catti as quickly as possible.
"Alright, we'll let you in so you can get paid, bounty hunter. And then you can leave on Dragonmite, if the sea beast will let you."
"Sorry! No can do," Dragonmite said in a sing-song tone. "I'm going to give Monstroid a piece of mind and then go on a much-needed vacation and enjoy some self-care."
"You deserve it," Ralsei said happily. The guards leered at him.
"Right. Then bounty hunter, you can wait until another ship arrives and buy passage off," the lead guard said, causing Kris' stomach to plummet. Escape might be even harder now. "Take these three and throw them in the deepest pit!"
The creepy, human-like guards surrounded the Fun Gang and roughly led them towards the great, rusted iron door. It swung open with a thunderous crash. Low-burning torches barely illuminated the vast hall beyond. There was a great hallway before them, with cages hanging from the ceiling on rusted lengths of chain. Prisoners of all kinds hung suspended like grizzly decorations.
More rusted doors, these ones covered with spikes, lined the hallway, leading to Angel knows where. Armed guards flanked each door, their emerald eyes following the group as they were marched in. The Fun Gang was escorted all the wall down the long hallway towards a grand, granite staircase that led up to the surveillance office.
"March ahead and we'll get you your pay, bounty hunter," the lead guard growled to Noelle.
"Ah, uh, thank'ee," she mumbled.
Kris and Susie shared a look. The guards hadn't bothered binding them, so they had a good chance of busting out of these wires and seaweed. Noelle had made sure to not wrap them too tightly. Their weapons had been confiscated, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem.
Once they were inside the office, everything went from dreary, medieval fever dream to a brightly lit, cheerful, party-decorated office space. The guards in here were all laid back and enjoying themselves, wasting time or pulling levers and pushing buttons that caused contraptions within the different cells to torture their occupants.
"We've got three more to process and throw into one of the pits!" the lead guard shouted.
There went up a cheer and someone rang a bell. "We got another inmate! We got another inmate! We got another inmate! Ooorah!"
Susie groaned. "This is telemarketing office turned into a prison. You've gotta be kidding me…"
Kris looked at the posters covering the walls. Some of them read as follows, "Bored at Work? Slack Off! Someone Will Pick Up the Slack!" "Daydreaming, it's Worth the Paycheck!" "You are NOT Defined by What You DO, but by What You Dream."
They pointed this out to Ralsei and Susie. The Drak Prince muttered, "This is not what I was expecting for a prison… Something feels very off about this place. I'm not sure what it is, but-"
"Shut up!" one guard spat, slapping Ralsei over the head.
"Ouch!"
"HEY! Susie growled. "No pushing around my friend! If anyone's going to rough him up, it's going to me!"
The guards in the room got up from their chairs, quickly becoming serious. Kris figured now was as good a time as any. They snapped to Noelle and pointed back to the door.
"Roger," she said, turning on a heel and blasting the door with a freezing spell.
Kris broke their cheap bond and spun, glaring intimidatingly, hypnotically at the lead guard. Stone-blue man stumbled back, surprised. Susie shouted, "Hell yeah! Enough of this!" and snapped her restraints. In the same motion, her fists clobbered two of the guards. She picked up the guy who slapped Ralsei and stuffed him in a nearby trashcan. Ralsei undid his restraints and neatly slipped them over another guard and tied the knot securely.
Kris walked further into the office, regularly spinning and pointing, fixing specific guards with their intense, hypnotic gaze. Each guard who got caught in their line of sight stumbled back, momentarily dazed. Susie meanwhile retrieved their weapons and swept through the workspace, clobbering each guard Kris had entranced.
Noelle watched their backs and froze in place anyone Kris and Susie missed as they rampaged through the surveillance station. Ralsei slid over to a computer and began looking for Berdly and Catti.
"This is what I'm talking about!" Susie shouted gleefully, sending more lackies flying.
Kris grinned before spinning and tripping up a guard who had hidden in a cubicle. They tried running past the two heroes but got caught. Kris' foot sent the guard flying and Susie uppercut the guy, sending him rocketing right into the ceiling. He stuck there like a pencil.
"I mean, yeah, this isn't the day at the beach that I was hoping for," Susie admitted, throwing another guard through his computer. "But I gotta admit that beating up these guys is REALLY helping my stress out right now! But taking out The Dude will be the best part of the day!"
Kris told her that they were certain there might be better parts of the day, but yes, saving everybody and defeating The Dude would certainly rank up there. Both teens paused in the middle of the fight, an understanding passing between them. Susie grinned her widest yet.
"Hell yeah!" she shouted again, picking up a whole desk and hurling it into a cluster of guards scrambling for their weapon's closet. She reduced them all, the desk, and the closet to rubble.
"I think that takes care of all of them," Noelle said, freezing another guard in place as they tried to crawl under a table for cover.
"Hey guys! I found Catti and Berdly!" Ralsei announced. The others ran over to the computer he was using. He pulled up two screens and explained, "They're right now taking both Berdly and Catti to their cells. According to the records, Catti is getting taken back to her old room. Berdly is being separated and taken somewhere else. They're en route right now.
"Also, a bit of bed news, I'm afraid. The magic that we were using just now won't be available to us outside of this office. The stones in the prison sap the inmates of their TP, removing their ability to use specific spells and actions. We can still ACT and attack-"
"That's more than enough!" Susie said confidently.
"But the prison is full of traps and guards who hard much heavier hitters than these guys," Ralsei pointed out.
The guard in the trashcan muttered, "Yup! We're just peons! The real guards are deep down, making sure that The Dude's enemies don't get out!"
"All the more reason to let everyone out," Susie said. She began looking around through the wreckage. "So, where's the master button that lets us release everyone when we press it?"
"We might not want to do that," Ralsei cautioned. "A lot of these inmates are very dangerous guys. They might be The Dude's enemies, but they are bad guys, too. It will take a lot to pacify them all and while I am confident in our skills, befriending them all before they hurt Berdly and Catti is a stretch."
"Fiiiine!" Susie groaned. "So, where do we need to go to save Catti and Berdly? And is there anything about the key piece we need?"
Ralsei typed away, looking for any good news. They didn't have to wait long. The four friends crowded the screen as they saw the search results pop up. The key fragment was being kept with the prisoner who brought it in. While the prison normally confiscated all materials and possessions on their inmates, this one character could not be parted from his item.
The key shard.
"Looks like this guy was researching the Living Relics," Ralsei read. "The key itself should come from The Dude's castle, but it was discarded in the dig site where Professor Scraps n' Stuff was doing his research. He was looking into the origins of the Relics and what happened to all the abandoned sandcastles around this Dark World.
"He went insane and wielded the key fragment as a blade, cutting down his fellow researchers and diggers. It took the guards sailing in to subdue him. They had to drain him of his TP and spend all his actions… But those are things that someone of the Dark World should only be able to do if they are paired off with a Lightner. Otherwise, our battles among ourselves do not require such powers and limitations…" he trailed off as he spoke.
It was obvious that something was off about Professor Scraps n' Stuff. When Kris got a look at him, they saw what appeared to be an old, worn-out turtle. His clothing was in tatters. His eyes were black and hollow. There was an odd sense of familiarity to him… Like Kris had seen this professor before. Long ago.
"Let's plot out where each jail cell is and work from there," Noelle suggested. "We can figure out the best and quickest route to save our friends and get this key piece, thingy."
"Brilliant!" Susie grinned.
"Already on it," Ralsei announced. "The first cell that we can easily reach is Berdly's. After that, we can work our way down to a lower level to get to Catti. Seems like she was imprisoned lower down because she gave the guards so much trouble."
"Sounds like her," Susie growled.
"I thought you two made up and were friends?" Noelle gasped.
The dragoness shrugged. "Even friends can get annoyed with each other. Isn't that right, Kris?"
Kris assured Susie that they could never get annoyed with her… Though there was that one time last week.
"Alright, alright! I got it!" Susie said, shoving Kris hard.
"Ralsei, can you get any information on the wardens we might be fighting?" Noelle asked.
"Printing the details!" he announced happily.
Kris got up and walked over to the printer. They scanned the details as they spat out of the machine. Their crimson eyes grew wide as they read the personal information.
Oh, this was going to be fun.
Soon, the Fun Gang had pried the door free of Noelle's ice and were descending the steps and towards the middle gate to the left. They had all stuffed themselves as best they could into the discarded uniforms of the guards they had knocked out.
"Hi there! We're new," Ralsei introduced himself, smiling pleasantly. "We've been given orders to go and see to the prisoner in cell F-4130. If you could please open the doors for us, that would be great!"
Susie added a growl to show they meant business. The guards bought their disguises and uncovered a hidden lever. Pulling it opened the ghastly gates and revealed a new staircase descending into even deeper gloom.
Noelle shivered. "So, who goes first?"
Kris led the way as usual, following the map Ralsei had acquired. The Dark prince had not only mapped out where the cells were, but also the positions where the different wardens should be. Kris held in their pouch the materials they needed to deal with these losers. ACTing was going to be everyone's best bet to make it out alive. With the TP-draining stonework and the battle with Dragonmite draining them of all their healing resources, another all-out brawl could be disastrous.
It wasn't that Kris doubted the abilities of their friends, but this Dark World had already proven itself far more brutal and less whimsical than many of their previous adventures. Glancing at Susie, they knew that even though she was incredibly strong and capable, they could not let anything awful happen to her.
The prison was a true labyrinth. Traps and puzzles lay around every corner, but the route to Berdly was clear. That made sense. He was being escorted to his cell after all. The guards had to take down all their obstacles to make it to the room. Therefore, it didn't take too long before they reached the first warden.
Standing three Susies tall, with four heads, each capable of spitting out a different attack, and covered in steely armor, the first warden was indeed formidable. Its four noses easily picked up on the advancing group. Four foul, drooling mouths spoke together.
"Bow! Wow! Woof! Ruff! I smell imposters, who are about to have it rough!"
"I smell a girl who is pretending to be brave," the first head snarled.
"I smell a prince looking for a friend to save," the second head laughed.
"I smell a barbarian who fears losing," the third head hissed.
"And I smell a lousy human coming for a bruising," the final head said with a low growl.
"Nice, they're trying to rhyme," Susie said grimly. "Come on, Kris! Let's show this overgrown pooch the way to manners school for little doggies!"
Kris pulled out a little squeaky toy used to relieve office stress. They threw it to the warden. The great dog pounced, elated to have a chew toy. The other guards never shared their toys with it! However, one toy was not enough. The four heads began arguing. They'd soon turn on the Fun Gang again.
However, it was necessary to draw this out. Kris needed each head frustrated so they would be even eager to take the toys hidden in the pouch. As three heads turned back towards Kris, saliva flying when they barked, Kris tossed out a pair of boots to chew.
The warden pounced once again. Susie rolled her eyes, "Are we really not going to fight after those threats it gave us?"
"It's better to make friends, Susie," Ralsei reminded her.
"Yeah, yeah… I get it. Here, Kris, let me throw that frisbee."
Soon, all four heads were playing with their own toys. The warden was completely pacified, letting the heroes scoot past. Susie snickered as they went, "I was not expecting it to act like such a puppy!" Kris for their part felt positively relieved to have dodged that encounter with some play. The next warden would be much more difficult.
Up ahead was a mechanical dragon that creaked and groaned as it moved, spouting flames from its gun-like nostrils into the different elements. The inmates all yelped with pain and fright as the dragon warden wound its way through the prison.
Peering around a corner at their next foe, Susie wryly remarked, "There's too many dragons around here. If this keeps up, I'll no longer feel all that, uh… What's the word I'm looking for?"
"Remarkable? Special?" Ralsei prompted.
Kris held Susie's hand and squeezed it, assuring her that no matter how many dragons they met, there was only one Susie. That was more than enough for them. Besides, Kris didn't want to make out with any of them.
Susie blushed and snapped, "Time and place, Mr. Smooth-Talker! Time and place!"
Noelle blushed a deep crimson and tripped, falling into the warden's field of vision. It roared at her and with a yelp from the others, the battle was on. Kris directed Susie and Ralsei to distract the warden. They were to not engage and do their best to dodge.
Ralsei danced about, using his towel as a cape to distract and lead the warden. Each time the dragon tired to spit out more flames, Susie would dodge in and smash it across the snout, redirecting the attack. And when the warden snapped back at Susie, Noelle threw rocks to distract him. It was a dangerous juggling match that required perfect timing or else the machine dragon would easily overrun them.
All the while, Kris produced a can of oil. They hurriedly applied copious amounts of oil to the creaking joints, providing some relief to the warden. It was just as the warden cornered Kris's friends that they managed to grease the last joint.
The mechanized warden suddenly stopped. In a fluid, quiet motion, the dragon stood up and looked around. It flexed its limbs and mechanical wings. Nothing whined or creaked as it moved. The warden sighed with relief.
"You should have just said you were coming to give maintenance! Sorry about all of that back there! Go along, go along!"
Susie swept her singed hair out of her yellow eyes and heaved, "That was close! I thought it going to have us back there!"
She pulled Kris into a spine-cracking hug. Ralsei joined her. Still blushing, Noelle inched into the hug and completed it. Kris made a muffled cry, saying they were getting suffocated. Besides, they needed to catch up with Berdly. If they didn't move fast enough, they would lose time fighting retreating guards and having to undo more puzzles.
"No time to lose then!" Susie scooped up everyone and charged as fast as she could. She made up for lost time and crashed into the team of guards and their warden right as they locked Berdly away in his cell. Bodies flew in every direction.
"My gamer girl! My heart knew you'd come for me!' Berdly sang as he recognized his saviors.
"Save it for someone else," Susie growled, jumping back to her feet. "Alright Kris, what are we doing here?"
The third warden was a massive demon with four powerful arms. He flexed impressively and drew his own wickedly notched and curved blades. Smiling behind an impressive, curled mustache, the warden taunted, "There's no way out, intruders. Someone quick! Ring the bell!"
Kris dove into their bag and withdrew a squashed birthday cage salvaged from the office's fridge. Susie had taken a bite out of it and Ralsei had to do his best to use the remaining icing and some office supplies to cover up the embarrassing gap. However, the mere sight of the birthday cage was enough for the warden. He dropped all his swords and squealed with happiness.
"You guys remembered my birthday? Oh, you're all just the best!"
The other guards were absolutely bewildered. One guard inched towards the wall to pull a disguised lever and sound the alarm. Susie caught up to them and put the green-eyed human-thing into a sleeper hold. The warden swiped the cake from Kris' hands and began cutting it into slices, handing them out to his fellow guards.
"I insist! Everyone will celebrate with me! You're only 63 days old once, you know!"
"Happy 63 days!" Ralsei said with a bright smile.
"How can you celebrate your birthday after only 63 days?" Noelle asked timidly behind her hand.
"Nice move…. There," Catti said.
"GAAAAAH!" Berdly shouted, clutching his chest.
The Fun Gang jumped back, equally shocked by the cat's sudden appearance. She was dressed peculiarly, since this Dark World made a beach version of her normal Dark World persona. As a cultist, Catti wore a frilly, black one-piece swim suit and wide-brimmed beach hat, also black.
"How the hell did you get in there?" Susie demanded. She stopped and glanced at the guards, who were all so engrossed in the cake and festivities that they weren't paying any attention.
"Hey! My slice has a stapler in it!" one guard shouted.
The others cheered in reply.
"Oh! A piñata cake! Even better," the warden said happily.
Susie came up to the bars and hissed, "How did you get in there?"
"I made… A tunnel," Catti answered, rolling her eyes. She thumbed over her shoulder to the wall.
There was no tunnel, but a motivational poster of a person who looked weirdly like Berdly getting tortured on the rack, all under the title, "Pay For Your Crimes And Be Happy About It!" The Berdly on the poster was smiling and crying through the pain, flashing them all a double thumbs up. Or feathers up? Or terminal phalanx up?
Anyway, Catti moved over to the wall and lifted the poster, revealing a tunnel. "I dug… A tunnel. The prison is… Made to float… The material is easy… To tear apart."
"Genius!" Berdly gasped.
Kris easily swiped the keys from the distracted warden and opened the cell door. Berdly surged to leave, but Kris shoved him back.
"What was that for? This is our chance to escape!"
Kris shook their head. They pulled out the map and quickly explained that it was necessary to take Catti's tunnel back to her cell and from there they could go and retrieve the key shard. This would save them some time.
Catti rolled her eyes again and seized the map from Kris. "It's easier… To dig… Let me have a… Look."
The cultist girl quickly did some calculations. Noelle helped her out and they quickly plotted how they could dig a tunnel down to the key shard cell and then burrow their way out. This had been Catti's original idea right after finding herself in a cell. However, Berdly's dashing, but ultimately stupid charge into the prison to break her out had momentarily derailed that plan.
"Well, dashing and stupid do go hand-in-hand," Berdly said proudly. "And that is precisely what I strive to be!"
Ralsei gave him a consoling pat on the shoulder.
"Stop complaining and get to work," Susie muttered. They were already hard at work digging their way through the floating prison's foamy innards. It wasn't too difficult at all. Catti said her other tunnel was ready for them to use when it was time to bounce. Given how they had bashed up the office and distracted the wardens and guards, they had a chance to escape before any other green-eyed goons figured it out. The foamy junk easily smashed and collapsed into plastic sheets and used to pad out the expanding tunnel.
They eventually angled themselves down and curved to avoid digging a straight hole to the next cell. With Noelle's great brain helping to lead the way, Kris spilled into Professor Scraps n' Stuff's cell. The rest of the gang fell and piled on top of them.
"Sorry about that, Kris!" Susie said, snatching them up. In her embrace, Kris was not going to complain!
"Who's there?" a cranky voice snapped.
Out of the gloom loomed and leered a creaking, turtle-like professor. Kris and Susie shivered together. Their adventures through the many Dark Worlds had followed a similar story penned by an old turtle monster just like the one in front of them. An adventure that while it ended happily was filled with a brand of darkness that had left its mark on them, on everyone sharing the cell at the moment.
"Professor Scraps n' Stuff?" Ralsei ventured.
"Yes, that is my name. Was my name. May not be me later on. I can already feel the transformation," the dusty professor said, clutching his key shard closely. He looked the friends over and gasped, "Oh my! Lightners! Just like my good lord and tormentor, The Dude! What is this world coming to if good, horrible people like yourselves, themselves are being imprisoned here!?"
"Well, it's kind of hard to explain," Noelle said. "But long story short, we need your key shard to help save a friend of ours and get out of here."
"Yes, the piece, the shard, the key, access nexus necessary to find the irregular Dark Fountain, imprisoned by my benefactor and enemy, o glorious, inglorious The Dude!"
"This guy needs some serious help," Susie whispered to Kris, still holding them. They nodded in fervent agreement.
"Can you give it to us?" Berdly asked.
"I'll give it to them," the professor said, standing up and shuffling over to Kris and Susie. "But beware! Taking this from me will break me, so run! And when you do take this, you will be cursed and blessed to see what I have seen! I dug too deep and saw what I shouldn't have! A secret my master and jailer The Dude buries so deep out of shame!
"You will bear witness to it, too. And then your place within the greater web of our history and unfolding story will be secured! You were once interlopers, stumbling accidentally across scheme not meant for any of you. But I see, I am blind, I know, and I am dumb, so that I can tell you that taking this key is the only way forward and it binds you to vengeance!
"The Dude sought to kill three birds with one stone and now he can do just that!" Cackling gleefully, Professor Scraps n' Stuff crammed the key shard into Kris' hands. Susie snarled in his face, but it didn't matter; he kept laughing. "Now run, Lightners! Run! Run away from your freedom and into the clutches of those who so willfully sacrificed their souls for one more story!"
"I wish I could cast Pacify," Ralsei said miserably. "He's too far gone for a lullaby to reach him, I'm afraid."
"Then let's… Take him at his… Word. And run!" Catti said, quickly retreating.
Kris stuffed the key shard into their inventory. They waited behind with Susie for everyone else to start scrambling up the tunnel. Professor Scraps n' Stuff began changing. His body cracked and twisted a monster deep within started to manifest itself. His eyes turned red and fang grew from his snapper.
"Time to go, Kris!"
Susie and Kris leaped into the tunnel together and worked frantically to pull down more of the foam and blocks to obstruct the professor's way. They crawled as fast as they could hearing the beast behind tear his way through the rubble and give chase.
Catti led the group back to her main escape tunnel. The friends worked frantically to blast a hole big enough for them all pop up out onto the dock. All the while, they heard Professor Scraps n' Stuff gaining on them, snarling and spitting.
"Ah hell! I forgot that there weren't any boats up here," Susie groaned once she hauled herself out of the tunnel.
Kris snapped their fingers. They had been on top of that when looking through the office and raiding it for supplies to use against the wardens. There was a small fleet of ships around the other side of the prison. They just needed to get there before-
"GRRRRRAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!"
Professor Scarps n' Stuff was on them, just a few feet away and climbing. Kris upended their inventory and spilled all the stolen supplies right on top of the transformed professor, burying him a little and making him fall back down the tunnel.
"Run!" Noelle shouted.
The friends all sprinted to make it around the prison. The gates were thrown open and a small horde of guards spilled out to intercept them. The ground suddenly shook, and the rabid professor screamed in frustration. The docks exploded as Professor Scraps n' Stuff leaped from the tunnel.
Kris' jaw dropped, their red eyes widening in shock. The turtle-like professor had transformed into a gigantic monster, big enough to swallow them all whole. Just what had the key done shard done to him? What was The Dude planning?
Professor Scraps n' Stuff bowled into the guards, smashing them and hurling the rest into his ravenous maw. Still drained of TP, the group couldn't do much but keep running. They did have to batter a few guards out of the way, but thankfully their enemies were all distracted at the moment.
True to Kris' research, a small fleet of patrol ships waited on the other side of the prison. As Kris worked to hotwire a boat, Susie used her axe to put holes into the remaining boats and sink them. Berdly untied the ropes and cast them off just as Kris got the vessel running. With a pump on the gas, they sped off and back towards Seaweed Head's shop.
Behind them, the eldritch abomination that had once been Professor Scraps n' Stuff began tearing into the rest of the prison. Saddened and sickened, the heroes all turned their backs on the carnage raging behind, shaken by what they had just witnessed.
Unbeknownst to them on the map, Kris, Susie, and Ralsei were all marked as cursed…