I wake up slowly. Everything is fuzzy at first. And warm. Warmer than I ever remember being. I bunch up the sheets under my fingers and hold them in my hands. I know I'm not in the underground base anymore. The sheets are too soft, the room too bright, the bustling of the hospital is too loud, much louder than anything has ever been.
"Oh, sweetie!" A woman says. "Shh, it's okay, you're safe honey." I feel a hand on my arm and immediately flinch away. I hear her sigh before she grabs my arm more firmly. "Sweetie, can you open your eyes?"
It feels impossible. I try to blink my eyes open and it takes a couple of minutes, but eventually I look up at the woman who spoke to me. She has black hair tied back behind her ears, and kind black eyes.
"Good job," she smiles gently. "I sent another nurse to go get the Hokage and the council, they'll be in here soon to ask you a few questions."
"Who?" I croak.
"The Hokage and his council," she says once again. I shake my head. I vaguely remember reading about the Hokages, but I can't remember who the current Hokage is. I haven't been able to read in months and my memory is fuzzy. Why haven't I been able to read in months.
"Are you not from Konoha?" The woman asks.
"I don't know," I say. My voice sounds small. I hate it. I hate being weak like this. My hands start to shake and I hold onto the blankets tighter. I turn away from the woman's pitying look as she raises the bed I'm in so I'm in a sitting position. As soon as she gets me some water to sip on, a crowd of people enter the room.
First is the Hokage. It's easy to spot him in his red and white robes. A pipe hangs out of his mouth. Next to enter the room are a man and woman about his age. And behind them is a man with a cane. Bandages cover his arm and his eye. I look at him the same amount of time as I did the man and woman before him. I don't know who he is.
But I feel like I should.
Like I should run away from him as fast as I possibly can.
For some reason, I don't want him to know I'm afraid of him.
Behind that man is another man, he has black hair and black eyes, just like the nurse. There are lines around his eyes, his face is set, not giving away any emotion. But his eyes turn soft when they land on me. He wears black pants, a green vest, and a black sweatshirt under his vest. On the upper part of his sweatshirt sleeve is the symbol of a red and white fan. I look at it for a second before I hear someone clear their throat.
My cheeks heat up as I turn to look at the Hokage. I feel the scary man's eye on me, but I ignore him instead to look at the leader who stands beside my hospital bed. I see the woman from before pass behind the Hokage to stand beside my bed. She holds a needle in her hand and I immediately freeze.
My breathing grows uneven and soon I'm hyperventilating. I can't see anything. I feel hands rub at the top of my arms. Another larger hand grabs one of my own. I feel a prick in my arm and bite down on my lip to stop my scream. I taste blood in my mouth as the needle goes away.
"Shh, you're safe," the nurse from earlier soothes. I shake my head when someone rubs a cloth against my chin and lip. "You're okay," she says as my body stops shaking.
"It was just some pain medication," a new voice says. I look up to see the man with the fan on his sweatshirt standing on the other side of the bed from the Hokage and nurse. He's the one holding my hand. "You've been through a lot." He says. It's not a question, just an observation. I nod my head and reach my free hand up to wipe under my eyes.
"What is your name?" The man on the other side of the bed asks. I look to see he's moved his Hokage hat back so I can finally see his face.
"Kanna," I say immediately. I scrunch up my nose as I look back down at my lap. "I think."
"You think?" The woman that walked into the room after the Hokage asks. Her voice is hard as she stands between the other man and the scary one. Does she know what happened to me?
"I don't know how I know," I say quietly. "It's all black."
"It's a common trauma response," another voice says. I look to see an older man with green eyes and long blonde hair says as he enters the room. "She's too young for a mind walk," he says as he stands beside the Hokage. What's a mind walk? "If we try to push for the memories it might destroy her mindscape completely." The nurse from earlier leaves the room quietly.
"I don't know what that means but yeah, let's not do that." I almost stutter at the end of my sentence but squeeze my free hand shut to stop myself. The blonde man laughs and reaches out to pat the top of my head.
"Do you remember anything other than your name?" The Hokage asks gently. I lean into the blonde man's hand on my head briefly. I'm not used to someone touching me gently.
"I-" I pause for a second to think. Everything that isn't blank is fuzzy. I see vague grays, bright lights. And then I see waves of water crashing over me. "I remember the water," I finally say.
"The water?" The man holding my hand asks.
"It was cold and dark and I couldn't get out of the waves-" my breath catches as I remember trying to get to the surface.
And then another memory flashes. Of pain in my chest and a deep voice telling me I'll be okay before barking out orders. It sounds familiar, and I can almost feel the pure warmth of their chakra.
"Hey," the blonde man says, pulling me out of the memory. He crouches beside the bed and turns my head towards him. "Look at me, okay? You're safe." I bite my lip again and he sighs quietly.
"Can you breathe with me?" He asks. I nod shakily and follow his movements. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"That's good," he says after a few breaths. "Keep breathing in and out for me, okay Kanna?" I nod again.
After my breathing has evened out, I feel another hand, but this one is on my leg. I look up to see the Hokage looking down at me with a look of pity and regret?
"I am afraid my former student may have been behind your injuries," he says. "And for that I apologize greatly." He bows to me and I feel my heart rate pick up. "A DNA test was completed while you were asleep."
Do I have a family? Hope flashes of experiencing more of the warmth that fills my body when I feel a pat on my head or the brief squeeze of the larger hand that holds my own.
"Your DNA did not match Orochimaru's other victims, I will personally try to find out why you were taken when we have the resources." the Hokage says and emptiness fills my chest.
"Okay," I whisper.
"Do you know of the war?" The woman asks. I shake my head.
"There's a war?"
"The Third Great Shinobi War," the Hokage says. "But that's nothing for you to worry about now, Kanna. Focus on getting better, yes?"
"Yes sir," I nod.
"Do you know if your parents were shinobi?" He asks. I shake my head again.
"She definitely has the chakra for it," the blonde man murmurs.
"Would you like to become a shinobi?" The Hokage asks. Do I have a choice? I mean, I don't really have a choice. I have to become stronger to take care of myself. If I don't have a family, I have to support myself.
And if I'm in a shinobi village with no family or family business…
I have to become a shinobi.
"Shinobi help people, right?" I ask the ruler. He gives a small smile as he nods. "Then yes, I don't know what happened to me," I say as I look down at my arms that are covered in scars from needles and some sort of bites. "But I want to make sure it doesn't happen to others." The blonde man pats my head again, a sad smile on his face.
"Many people start the shinobi path for selfish reasons, it gives me confidence in the future of the village to hear reasons like yours," the Hokage says. "I look forward to seeing you grow, Kanna-chan."
"T-thank you," I say as I look back down at my lap.
"We'll leave you to rest, Kanna-chan," the Hokage says as he removes his hand from my leg. He turns to leave the room, the woman and man, and Danzo follow behind him. "I hope your father has a speedy recovery," the Hokage says to the blonde man as he gets to the door. The blonde man bows in response as the Hokage and the others leave down the hallway.
"If you remember anything you can always come to the Military Police Force and ask for me," the man that holds my hand says. "My name is Uchiha Fugaku. You will most likely end up in a class with my son, Itachi at some point."
"Okay," I say as he squeezes my hand. "Thank you." I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes and try to blink them away. The man's seemingly impassive face turns into a look of pity for a brief moment before he releases my hand.
"I have to get back to the council, but again let me know if you need anything," he says as he starts to walk away from the bed.
"Thank you," I call out as he leaves the room. I turn to look at the older blonde man who scratches the back of his head.
"I never introduced myself, did I?" He asks with a sheepish grin. His face is completely different and he seems so much lighter now that the other shinobi are out of the room.
"No," I giggle but throw a hand over my mouth. "Sorry!" I squeak.
I don't know why. I look down at my lap. Why did I apologize for laughing? That's, that's natural right? A page in a book about child development flashes before my eyes before the man pulls my attention back to him.
"No, no," he laughs, and I look up at him. "It is kinda funny," he smiles as he sits on the edge of the bed beside me. "My name is Yamanaka Inori."
"It's nice to meet you, Yamanaka-sama," I say quietly as I move my hand from in front of my face. His grin widens.
"Just call me Inori," he says. "My father was Yamanaka-sama when he was clan head."
"Clan head?" I ask, tilting my head.
"Ah, the leader of a clan. Or the leader of our extended family."
"Oh," I say.
"I'm in the village for a bit and then I'll probably be sent back out to rejoin my team in the field for peace talks," Inori says. "But whenever I'm in the village, how about we meet up and get some food, yeah?"
"Really?" I ask, I feel excitement bubble in my chest but I push it down. I don't want to get disappointed. "But I won't be able to pay," I say after a second.
"It's my treat," he smiles. "I think it would be good for you to see someone in my clan regularly too, even when I'm not in the village."
"Someone in your clan?"
"A therapist," he says gently. "I have a cousin who deals with kids who have trauma they don't remember, she won't force you to remember anything, she'll just be someone to talk to about reactions you have to things that come up. She might also be able to help you come up with coping mechanisms for dealing with them."
"Like with the needle?" I ask quietly.
"Like the needle."
"Okay," I say as I fiddle with the blanket.
"How about I hang out here with you until you fall asleep, hm? I can introduce you to my cousin later."
"Okay," I nod. He gives me a small smile and before I know it his arm is wrapped around me and I'm tucked into his side.
"Get some rest, Kanna-chan. You're safe now." I feel myself relax at his words. I know I'm not safe. I don't know why or how. There's something deep in my chest that won't let me relax. A black box surrounded by crippling loneliness.
But I'll at least give myself a few moments of peace while Inori is here with me.
Before I'm alone again.
I'm able to have lunch with Inori twice before he's called back out to the field. I visit his cousin Hayami once a week on Saturdays. We just color and play with toys in her office for a couple of hours before I go back to the shinobi orphanage. The couple of hours in her office is my only reprieve.
And it's the only time I get to act my age and play with toys.
As soon as the caretakers realized I could do more things for myself, I was immediately put in charge of some of the babies.
The academy has been out for a break for the last few weeks. I'll join in when classes resume in a few days.
There wasn't an official reason given for the academy classes being out for the unplanned break. But I suspect it's because the fighting finally stopped.
There was a large festival to celebrate the end of the war and the transfer of the Hokage hat from the Sandaime to the Yondaime. I didn't get to go. The caretakers had me and two of the older girls stay at the orphanage to look after all of the kids so they could go celebrate with their families.
That was the first night that I cried since the hospital. I didn't know there was going to be a new Hokage. I had hoped that the Sandaime would be able to find my family. But as soon as it was announced that he would be stepping down, all of that hope was destroyed.
After a less than nice private meeting with the village elders, I now know I'm a failed experiment. That figuring out who my DNA came from is now a pet project of a former Hokage who has retaken his role as a clan head. With children of his own to care for, and commitments to easing the transition for the new Hokage, he doesn't have time to look for my family.
If they'd even want me.
"Kanna-chan?" Inori asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. I look down at my hands and I've broken the crayon I was using to color the coloring page the nice lady at the barbeque restaurant gave me. She always gave me a new small set of crayons and a few coloring pages whenever we stopped by.
They were always taken and destroyed by the other kids as soon as I got back to the orphanage. And now I've broken it before I really got a chance to use it myself.
"Oh kid," Inori says as he slides out from his seat across from me and moves to sit beside me. He wraps his arms around me as I start to cry into his side. "What's going on?"
"I-I-I was just thinking and I broke my crayon!"
"You have plenty back at the orphanage, ne? She always spoils you with new ones each week." I shake my head and let out a louder cry into his flak jacket.
"The other kids take them a-and break them!"
"Oh Kanna-chan, why didn't you tell me sooner? I can talk to the caretakers-"
"T-they don't care! They know and they don't care as long as I take care of the other kids and cook and clean!" I say loudly. Too loudly and I flinch when I hear Inori sigh.
"Hey, I'm not mad at you, Kanna-chan," he says firmly. "Let me see what I can do, okay?"
"O-okay," I say as I start to calm down. I managed my emotions so well in public, at the orphanage, and with the elders despite the mean words that cut me like a knife. Why am I struggling to control them here with Inori where I feel safe?
"Ah, this must be Kanna-chan," a new voice says. I peek up from behind Inori's arm to see a man with bright red hair and purple lines on his cheeks. Beside him stands a man with a spiky ponytail that looks like a pineapple. I snort and hide my face in Inori's arm in an attempt to hide my laughter.
"What's so funny?" Inori leans down to ask me quietly as he wipes the tears from my face.
"Pineapple head," I whisper to him. There's a beat of silence and I hear who I assume to be Choutarou and Shiki slide into the seats across from us. Inori bursts out into loud laughter, the loudest and most carefree laugh I've ever heard from him.
"Do I want to know?" A tired voice asks. I move my head to just lean against Inori's chest as I look at his friend. The Nara holds his head in his hand as he struggles to keep his eyes open.
"I don't know," Inori trails off. "Do you want to know, pineapple head?" Inori asks. I squeak and hide back in his arm. I hear a tired sigh and another booming laugh as my cheeks heat up.
"I should've known," the Nara drawls.
"You have to admit it was funny," Inori says. He shakes with silent laughter. Shiki sighs again.
"It was pretty good," he says after a minute.
"How is Yoshino-san?" I ask as I pull my face away from Inori to look at the tired jonin.
Shiki looks like shit.
He'd been thrown into the role of an advisor after the Yondaime took the hat. Add a very pregnant daughter in law to the mix and he's still not getting much rest.
"She's good, ready to give birth at any moment," Shiki runs his hand over his face and breathes in deeply as if he's trying to wake himself up. "I should've known Inori would blab about it to you."
"I do not blab!"
"You kinda do," Choutarou and I say at the same time. I look over at the Akimichi clan head and smile widely. He gives me a thumbs up as one of the workers brings more meat and vegetables over to the table.
"I'm not that bad," Inori says as he practically deflates. I pat his arm sympathetically as I reach out to put some meat on the grill. Once the meat is settled I wipe under my eyes. They feel raw after crying earlier.
"You alright, kiddo?" Choutarou asks gently. I nod my head on instinct as I flip the meat over.
"Things aren't going great at the orphanage," Inori says. I turn to glare up at him but he ignores me and takes the chopsticks out of my hands. "Go back to your coloring, Kanna-chan~" I want to argue with him but I don't. I feel my lip wobble again as I look at the broken pieces of crayon on the table.
"Oh Kanna-chan!" The waitress from earlier says. "It's so easy for these things to break, here's a new set!" She drops a new crayon box in front of me and I look up at her in awe. She's a miracle worker. She smiles down at me as she pats my head and moves to help at another table. I vaguely register Inori thanking her for me as I eagerly take out my new, unbroken crayons.
Inori, Choutarou, and Shiki start talking again, but I tune them out. Instead, I focus on making this coloring page of a large sunflower in a pretty decorated pot the best one I've ever colored.
Inori deserves it after all the crying I did earlier.
I just finish coloring the sky in the background when a small plate filled with barbeque is put on the table by my arm. I smile up at Inori as I grab onto the paper and hold it up to him.
"You did such a good job, Kanna-chan!" He smiles down at me.
"No, take it!" I say when I realize he's not grabbing it.
"Huh?" He asks.
"She colored it for you, stupid," Shiki says as he drops a sausage that looks like an octopus onto my plate. I look from the sausage up to the Nara and back to the sausage with wide eyes.
"So cool," I whisper to myself.
"Thank you, Kanna-chan," Inori says, pulling my attention back to him. He takes the coloring page and folds it up carefully before he sticks it into a pocket on his flak jacket. My entire body feels warm and relaxed as I start to eat my food, starting with the sausage. Shiki even added eyes made out of sesame seeds!
Today is the day. It's the first day since the end of the war that the academy is back in session. I made sure to double check my bag last night. The orphan fund gives money to kids in the academy when they are first enrolled if they're living in an orphanage. I have a basic blue bag, five kunai, five shuriken, a basic first aid kit, paper, ink, and pens.
Everything has my name on it, so if another kid does take something it can be brought back to me.
I take a deep breath as I step out of the orphanage. Everyone else is still eating breakfast. My stomach feels too uneasy to try to eat anything now. A couple of coins sit in my pocket for my lunches this week. I doubt it will last the entire week, but at least no one has tried to take them yet.
I'm scared about what will happen at the academy today.
But my dreams last night scared me even more.
"Who's DNA, Orochimaru?"
"Nara Shikaku and Nara Yoshino. It was surprisingly easy to obtain the future jonin commander's DNA…"
The scary voice makes me feel cold.
I fiddle with the necklace around my neck as I walk down the steps, it's a gift from Inori and his wife for starting at the academy. It's a cherry blossom branch with pretty pink flowers that line it. Inori said that they symbolize renewal and hope. The academy would be a new start for me.
"Kanna-chan!" A voice yells. I turn around to see Inori, Shiki, and Choutarou. Choutarou wears a green baby wrap around his chest, a splash of red hair pops out of the top of it. Next to him Inori carries a small bundle in a purple blanket.
On Inori's other side is Shiki, his shoulders are slumped, but he holds a green bundle in his arms securely.
"They had the babies?" I yell as I run over to them.
"They did," Inori smiles widely. He crouches down so I can look at the small bundle. A little baby rests inside, pale blonde hair covers her head and I fight the urge to squeal. "Kanna-chan meet Ino," he smiles as he grabs one of my hands to hover over Ino. She immediately latches onto one of my fingers, holding it as tightly as a baby can.
"Ino-chan, meet your nee-chan, Kanna." I feel my eyes water as Ino blinks up at me sleepily.
"I-really?" I ask as I look up at Inori.
"Of course," he smiles. "I expect plenty of visits from you at the flower shop when you're on your way home from the academy."
"But the orphanage is the other way," I say as Shiki crouches down in front of me. I reach a hand out and touch Shikamaru's arm.
Little Shikamaru's face scrunches up before his hand reaches out and he grabs my finger. He pulls it towards his face in his sleep. I carefully rest my hand against his head and he nuzzles against it, still fast asleep.
"You deserve to be happy, we fought so your generation doesn't have to go through what we did," Choutarou says.
"B-but I'm just-"
"Kanna," Choutarou says firmly. I turn to see the normally cheerful Akimichi has a serious expression on his face. "You are Kanna, a sweet, smart, and brave girl who has had to endure far too much too early in your life." Inori pulls me into his chest when my breaths turn hollow. Choutarou and Shiki don't know about my past. They just know I'm an orphan.
Would Choutarou say the same thing if he knew I was most likely made by a traitor with stolen DNA? The DNA of a man who is like a second son to him?
Inori wraps an arm around me as he holds Ino in his other arm. I bury my face in Inori's neck to avoid their eyes. He slowly starts to stand up and I wrap my arms around his neck as he holds me.
"You'll be staying at the shinobi orphanage from now on, Kanna-chan."
"But- I thought-"
"I pulled a few strings and got you into the shinobi orphanage. It's better staffed and you should be able to feel more comfortable there." Inori starts rocking back and forth and soon I start to struggle to keep my eyes open, despite the excitement I feel for getting out of the civilian orphanage.
"Get some sleep for me, Kanna-chan," Shiki says from Inori's side.
"I'll wake you up when we get to the academy," Inori murmurs.
"Does that mean I can sleep in class, too?" I barely manage to mumble. I vaguely hear Inori's squawk, Choutarou's laugh, and Shiki's sigh. I smile against Inori's neck as the darkness of sleep takes me.