The new year came with wind and ice, but in the children's make-believe world it stayed eternally mild. When Lizzie appeared in the room on one particular late January evening Will knew something was off. She smiled and greeted him as was her norm, but a distraction lay behind her eyes. Something Will had never in seen her before. Something was wrong but he couldn't quite see what it was.
"Shall we go outside? It's too cold to spend much time out when awake" His question was met with a simple note.
A cool breeze danced around them as they're made the way along the tree line.
" You once told me that you were always there for me to talk to should I need it. You know it goes both ways right? You're my friend, it's a strange friendship admittedly, but you ARE my friend, my closest one. Something is on your mind, if you'd like to share with me, I'm at your disposal"
She looked up at him, thinking, choosing her words carefully.
" There's nothing wrong, not really, it's just….." she halted " I never really thought of the future, mine I mean. Today I heard something, I didn't mean to, and I moved away as soon as I understood it was a private talk" she looked at him beseechingly " Please, please don't think I listen in on others" Will placed a calming hand on his young friends shoulder.
" I know you wouldn't, it's not in your nature. I'll not judge you for this. But what did you hear that's unnerved you so?"
" Well, it's Mama you see….. she's...she's expecting again. She told Papa how this one HAD to be a boy. With five girls already she said how we need a boy now. She fears we will be thrown out when father dies, only boys can inherit the estate. She thinks Jane being so pretty will help with a husband for her, but we can't rely on that for….." she stopped to take a breath, but found herself stopping altogether as she caught a glimpse of Wills unusually unreadable expression. Many found her friend to be a closed book, elusive, but Lizzie could read him better than any novel or prose that came her way.
" Will?" Her voice was tentative, unsure. He glanced down at her.
" Isn't Jane, only 9 years old?"
"She's 10 this July"
"And your mother is already concerned with marriage?"
Lizzie found herself crossing her arms in defiance.
"We can't all be princes in our castle Will" She waved her arm back towards the house " you may not need to worry about your future, but my mama HAS to for us!" Lizzies eyes shone with an anger, never before seen by Will. He fumble for words but came up blank. An awkward silence followed. In unspoken agreement the children turned and headed back towards the house.
Climbing up to the main door Will felt compelled to divert them from mounting the stairs.
"Come Lizzie, to my father study. It'll be my own one day and seems fitting for more grown-up discussion"
He took her small hand in his and lead her into a part of the house that she didn't often go. Well unless hide and Seek was in play. The large heavy door was soon swung open and Will made his way over to the large desk, sitting in his fathers chair, he looked to Lizzie, who was still stood in the entrance.
"Come, sit" He gestured to a hard wooden chair opposite his, she eyed it suspiciously. It looked solid and uncomfortable. In the corner she spotted a far comfier looking option, cushioned and soft. Moving towards it it became clear that it was far heavier than she first believed but before she could even attempt to lift it Will was by her side. Raising it up and staggering slightly beneath its mighty weight, he moved it across to the desk.
"Is this better for your highness?" he asked in jest as he returned his father traditional seat.
"Why have you dragged me in here, it's strange, nothing like papas study. That's lined with books"
"The books are in the library"
"I wish we had one. You know, you really must take me there one night"
They once again sank into silence.
"I'm not a prince" he declared suddenly " I'm... I'm sorry if I made you feel… Bad… with what I said. I suppose I never really thought about what it would be like for women" he was serious, pensive " My aunt wants me to marry my cousin Anne" Lizzies eyebrow slit high up on her forehead. " I have no interest in her. She's a pale, sickly thing, no spark to her at all" he sat himself up, straighter " I'm not trying to be cruel. She has no interest in me either. I know I'm only 14, but I can honestly say we will not marry"
"In my dreams, I only married for the deepest love" Lizzie announced gently
"Do dreams dream" he confused her, chuckling to himself, he continued " How about this, we promise that neither of us will marry but for the deepest love and affection. Not I to my haughty cousin, and not you to some random landowner"
" And you'll make sure Georgiana does the same. You can't just save yourself from a life without love."
"Of course, Georgie will only marry for the purest love. I'll make sure of it"
' and this is why my brain created you my dream friend. So I'd be a better brother!' Will thought calmly to himself
The understanding brought him joy, but a sense of sadness seeped into him too. He'd always known, but now it was a definite, his friend truly wasn't real.