The Sun was only just beginning to rise when Lizzie donned her gloves and bonnet for a quiet stroll through the gardens. Despite Jane sleeping soundly through the night, Lizzie slept ill. Her racing mind allowed her no rest. A walk was her only option, walking always calmed her, it gave her a chance to think.
The cold air welcomed her, she embraced it, relished in it. With an intentional lack of thought, she allowed her legs to follow the well worn path away from the house.
" Miss Elizabeth" Oh no, not this. " Miss Elizabeth!" he called again.
" Lizzie, please" The desperation in his tone had her stopping. The crunch of the ground beneath his feet alerted her as he closed the gap. He touched her shoulder. She flinched away, violently. " I'm sorry." He pulled his hand away " forgive me" She turned to look at him with fear filled eyes.
"It's me, Lizzie. It really is!"
"No, you're not real. You are a dream."
"That's what I thought too. Yet here you are. And so am I"
"No" She whispered
"Lizzie, darling! Yes. I don't pretend to understand it but yes... We first met the night I travelled home when mother died. You were 6, I was 13. You were there for me when mother, and later when father, died. And I held you, I held you when you lost your dear baby brother"
" Georgiana? Cousin Richard?"
"All real" He assured her.
"How is this possible?" Her voice was full of wonder. He offered her his arm, so they could continue to talk as they walked. It all felt so natural and so very, very right.
" I thought I was going to have a heart attack you know. When I saw you at the ball. I thought to myself 'well Fitzwilliam this is it, you've officially gone mad'"
"Maybe you have. Perhaps I'm not here at all"
"Oh no, you're here alright. How else could you vex me so?!"
She let out a gentle laugh and poked her tongue out at him. "What do we do now then? I mean we can hardly behave as we always have. It's been many years since we cast aside the pretence of propriety. Though I'm not sure I ever did pretend at all. I do recall you mentioning it from time to time. Ever the proper gentleman. But here, in the real world, this could really damage us. Ruin my reputation" How dearly she wanted to reach for him. But everything has changed now. A make-believe flirtation was most likely all it was for him. She had to control herself, it wouldn't do to make a fool of herself. She had her pride.
"Come, I should take you back to the house. Where we can be seen. You're quite right if anyone saw us now…" he stopped. What else could he say? They might be forced to marry? Hardly a punishment! Yet the thought of marriage by compromise was abhorrent. He wanted her to WANT to marry him. The real him, the one stood before her. Dream or real, he loved her dearly. Yet he also feared losing her friendship. It was impossible to actually have female friends, yet he did, and was loath to lose it.
They headed back along the path in silence.
Slowly they rounded the corner and the house jumped in to view.
"We can't tell anyone about this" she rolled her eyes at him
" Yes I know" she paused and took a moment to think " although maybe I could speak to papa. Not tell him anything specific mind you, just ask around….."
"No! Lizzie no. We can't. People will think you're mad" His eyes wide with alarm. She patted his hand confidently, nodding slowly. They made their way inside.
" I thank you for the walk, Mr Darcy" she curtsied properly.
"The pleasure was all mine, Miss Elizabeth" How strange that he found it so difficult to speak to her thus. He watched her climb the stairs just as he had the day before.
Master of Pemberley, mentor to others. How he must look now. Lost to a country nobody.
They didn't really speak again. And a couple of days later, she and her sister were gone.