It hurts...
It hurts everywhere.
He wonders if this is divine punishment for all the things he has done. Ironic since he is also a Divine being, but he is not ignorant to know that there are others. He grew up under the rule of his Godly parents. His entire pantheon focuses on diverse plurality, not a single force. He knows he is not all powerful.
He welcomes this pain though. He knew this was coming, but he didn't care. He was told many times that everything will come and bite him in the butt. And he has always known it. Afterall, you don't get to be the Lord of Justice without knowing what NOT to do, and how not following the moral codes of Ma'at will get you punished.
In the past his duty was to uphold the laws of morality and lead by example, but things have changed. No matter how many times he gave peace, he only got hate and curses in return. The world descended to chaos, wars, conflict, everyone backstabbing each other to gain victory. And those innocent lives caught up in the middle are killed. Souls that have nothing to do with the chaos. It got to a point that upholding the rules of morality is not enough anymore. Being "Good" is not enough to save the innocent. He had to do the opposite, stop trying to keep his hands clean and get it dirty with sin, so others don't have to. He is doing this because he has to fully know the consequences. His family hated it, his followers (former followers) hated it, his Avatar despised it but still stayed with him because they gained something from it. It was never out of love, but personal gain for them.
He knows he is forever ostracized by those he has loved and those that loved him in return.
Vengeance is not even his main association. He was not allowed to raise his hand in vengeance until he had to forcibly take the title from Petbe. If Horus can be called "The Avenger", then why can't he?
It's a very dirty job. you'll be hated, despised by the world. Vengeance is both a boon and bane, an unstoppable force at best, a toxic acid that corrodes yourself and those around you at worst. Walk the path of Vengeance with caution foolish child. May Ma'at forgive you to what you will become.
Those were the last words from his former mentor Petbe, The Egyptian God of Vengeance. The god sounded relieved? Sad? Khonshu's not sure. Maybe Petbe is relieved that he no longer has to bear the burden of vengeance alone, or sad that said burden is now being passed to a literal child.
How ironic, the Child God of youthful Innocence took up the duty of vengeance. Forever staining his innocence with blood.
As if he has any innocence anymore. He barely knows if he can still be considered the God of Youth anymore when nothing about him is youthful. He barely recognizes himself, yet he fully accepted his fate and never regretted it. Crossing the line and never turning back with no regrets or hesitations.
Maybe that's why he took the fall. When he said that his Avatar is worth protecting, he meant every word. He knows he found an opportunity for an effective and efficient weapon, but that's just a bonus. What Khonshu is looking for, is Hope. Marc is a highly experienced soldier who knows the hierarchy of his superiors, he knows how to handle a gun and shoot with ease. But he also found a lost soul, someone broken and hurt by the world but still remained moral and true, who refused to be truly corrupted by the pain.
Khonshu found himself being sympathetic at the broken yet moral man, and deep frustrations that a child lost his innocence under the hands of their own mother.
Khonshu gave up his own innocence out of his own freewill. But Marc's innocence was stolen by his own mother. Khonshu never felt more angry at a human being than ever. He knows what a mother should do but he also understood Wendy's fall from grace. She became a lost soul the moment Randall died, trapped in a spiral of grief that warped her to a monster.
Funny that the worst monsters towards humans are themselves.
In the end, Khonshu took a fatal blow and was left with a choice, to save his Avatar or save the world. He refuses to give up his Avatar, nor stop his mission to protect humanity. So, he did what he has always done, He bent the rules.
Marc Spector is human; humanity is the world to Khonshu. So he picked the world of humanity, which includes Marc in it.
All he heard last was Marc's desperate screams at him, calling him an idiot for doing this and to just kill im. The man forgot one thing unfortunately, Khonshu never listens to anyone, not the Gods and not to a mortal man who deserves a second chance. And Khonshu is going to give him that.
"You always wanted me gone anyway."
"Not like this you moron!"
"Too bad, do me a favor and please take better care of yourself. Jake, I know your listening, make sure this idiot doesn't drink himself to death. Steven...pick a more updated manuscript next time, your latest find is laughably wrong in so many ways."
He can still hear Marc pleading for him to stop, even Steven and Jake started begging him to stop. But he can't hear anything anymore now that his body is deteriorating. His banished state made him much, much weaker than a normal and pushing himself more will result in his obliteration, as his body can no longer withstand the weight of the cosmos. He doesn't even have his Moon crown anymore, just a staff and, in Thoth's words, "The most stubborn and stupid attitude in Egyptian history".
He wonders if this is what death feels like. Despite what mortals believe, Gods are not timeless. With a few exceptions since Osiris was able to resurrect himself, but that is simply transformation. From a god of life to a god of death.
But this is not death, this is worse than death. Something the Gods feared. The issue with Osiris is that he was never truly gone. This is Oblivion, having his own existence removed from reality and this world, and the records of this universe.
This is Damnatio Memoriae.
Khonshu will be removed from the world, no one will remember him, no one will mourn him. His godly parents, his family. Mortals and Immortals. All of them will forget he even exists. His images in Karnak will be wiped clean, nothing more than a morning haze while they go on without him. He wonders who will replace him in history now, who will be the son of Mut. Even in his last moments, he still worries about his mother.
Maybe this is a fitting end for him. Perishing by his own choice so he can't blame anyone but himself. He never regretted his actions even before. If he is going down, then he is going down on his own terms.
Well, there is one. His only regret was that he was never honest towards his Avatar, to express how he truly feels.
Doesn't matter now, Marc and Steven made it obvious that they never liked Khonshu. This shouldn't bother him. Khonshu spends thousands of years being hated for simply being an Egyptian Deity. People who never bothered to read about his family, or his history, to actually know HIM . Just simply made assumptions as the ultimate "Other" in a story written by outsiders. He should be used to it by now.
It still doesn't matter anyway, he missed his chance. He has been missing that chance every second for the past for 10 years. But for the first time in a very, very long time. He felt something.
Yes, for the first time since his banishment. Khonshu, the God of the Moon made a wish. To any one of his family still listening. He knows they are still listening, just not bothering to even lift a single pinky while he is literally being disintegrated out of existence to stop a manifestation of Evil Chaos from destroying the world.
It is part of the rules to give respect to other gods, Khonshu just stopped bothering about that when his respect for them diminished. If he still has his hands, he would be lifting both his middle-fingers at them. Actions he learns in his many, many travels and he finds them to be the perfect way to express how he feels. His name literally means "To Wander", so of course he is going to pick up stuff from wandering around the world, including as many profanities as possible that existed. He could already say "fuck you" in 50,000 different languages including programing if it's possible.
Will his father mourn for him? The siblings he used to enjoy hunting trips with? His former beloved Hathor? Thoth, his mentor and closest family member since they both share a father and powerset? Will his mother cry? His mother probably did mourn for her son, the son she lost to time centuries ago. Not this banished monster who is dying right now.
He can feel his consciousness disappear. The pain is also subsiding, but it's also getting harder to think straight. Like a reverse birth, instead of growing more conscious and aware, you grow more and more dumb. Thoughts become harder to maintain, memories disappear, the pain is gone but so is everything else.
Until all that's left is just, nothing.
