Title: Pep Talk
A/N: For the Priority: Normandy zine! I really need to write some Garrus/Shep, it's shameful I have none after romancing him for two games.
Summary: Shepard was drunk. At least, that was her excuse for missing such an easy target. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have a shooting contest with Wrex, Joker, and Garrus. The fuckers wouldn't let her live it down.
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Shepard was drunk. No, she was just tipsy. The tingling in her fingers hadn't quite reached the rest of her body and her cheeks were merely warm. She could walk in a straight line, shoot in a straight line, and fight like nobody's business. The only thing she couldn't do was dance, but she'd never been able to do that in the first place.
She wished she was drunk, though. That would actually explain why she had just missed such an easy target. Biting her cheek as she lowered her rifle, Shepard glared at the beer bottle falling down into the Citadel's pool. This was ridiculous; she'd made harder shots in her sleep. Hell, even drunk, she'd survived a battle or two. This was just downright embarrassing.
Judging by Wrex's boisterous guffaw and Garrus' barely concealed laughter, her companions knew it too. Shepard resisted the urge to turn around and glare at them. Instead, she checked her gun's scope again, vainly hoping for a faulty component.
"I calibrated it myself," Garrus called out from behind her, still chuckling. He sounded smug as fuck. "Don't pretend it's the gun's fault."
Joker snorted, mirth colouring his voice. Clearly, he'd drunk enough to think he was safe if he teased her. "Surely she wouldn't do something so unprofessional."
Clearly, she hadn't ingrained fear into his bones yet.
Even in the night, there was no end to traffic in the Citadel. Vehicles zipped along above, their lights making a laser path through the open air. And despite all that noise, she could still hear the three buffoons behind her. Shepard spun on her heel and glared. "Want to say that again?"
"No, ma'am," Joker immediately chimed. She couldn't tell if he was mocking her or if he was serious. These days, he had been taking more liberties than usual and she missed the time when he'd actually taken her anger seriously.
"What happened to your aim while I was gone? You slacking off?" Wrex guffawed again, his foot stomping on the bridge hard. The citadel had been made to withstand a large variety of alien races, of all sizes, shapes, and strengths. Somehow, it still shuddered. There were few things that could withstand a Krogan.
"Shepard? Slacking off?" Garrus shook his head dismissively. "Can you imagine it?"
Joker shuddered. Forgetting her warning, he commented, "I don't think she even knows the meaning of relaxing. Do you know how hard it was to convince her to give us a vacation?"
"I mean, to be fair, do we even have time for that?" Garrus admitted reluctantly, picking up another bottle from his duffel bag. The poor thing looked overstuffed; as ever, he was overprepared. Even for something as silly as this shooting contest.
"It's not like it'd kill us," Joker complained, crossing his arms. His gun was at his feet, too far to be useful should Shepard decide to do anything. Perhaps he hadn't had enough near-death experiences to be prepared. She was more than willing to correct that.
Unfortunately, there was little she could do to stop the other two from talking. Garrus shook his head and corrected, "It would kill us. This is what, the third time we have to save the world in as many years? If we took the day off, who knows what could happen."
"I'm right here," Shepard bit out, annoyed by the back and forth.
Joker continued as though she hadn't said anything. "There are other Spectres, right? I'm sure they'll pick up the slack—hell, they probably need to, we've been doing their job for them."
The universe was going to end in a few days. Maybe she should make sure their days end even before that. They were at the top of the Presidium. They were all drunk. A single push and she could claim it was an accident. She already had Grunt to replace Wrex's firepower and Tali was shaping up to be an expert marksman.
As for Joker…well, Edi could fly well enough on her own.
"With that aim, she'll kill you anyways," Wrex taunted. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing with that smirk of his.
She might as well do it now while there were no witnesses. It couldn't be that hard to assassinate a drunk Krogan. Shepard raised her gun, aiming at them. "Oi, peanut gallery. Shut up." She pointed the gun at Wrex. "And I'm not slacking off. I'm just…tipsy."
"Tipsy?" Wrex picked up his gun and waved it around. "I've had better shots while black-out drunk."
"You're always drunk," Shepard dismissed, dropping her gun and stalking over to the equipment bag. "It's a self defense mechanism. But since you're so confident, you're next."
Garrus chortled as readied his arm. "You heard the lady."
"When has she ever been a lady?" Wrex questioned. His gun looked like a toy in his big hands. In all honesty, this competition was heavily skewed against him. For all of Wrex's battle prowess, he had never been one for shooting or aiming. Then again, with his strength, he never needed to.
"Just go already," Shepard barked before turning her glare towards Joker. She felt surge of satisfaction when he flinched. "And don't think I've forgotten about you."
"Fuck," Joker cursed, taking a step back, his crutch slipping slightly on the metal floor. He chuckled nervously. "That was a…self defense mechanism?"
"Don't think Edi'll save your ass," Shepard warned, taking a threatening step forward. "You might be dating our ship but I'm still her commander."
Garrus threw the bottle at the same time.
Wrex pulled the trigger, missing entirely. Even before the bottle crashed into the water, Wrex spun on his heel. He snapped his attention to Joker. "You're dating the Normandy?"
"Edi's not the Normandy!" Joker protested, holding up a hand and its crutch. His brow furrowed, his smile turning crooked as he tried to explain. "Or well, she is, but not just? She's more than that now."
"Oh, so you admit you're dating a ship," Garrus teased, his eyes crinkling. They'd been trying to get Joker to say it aloud for weeks now.
Meanwhile, Wrex looked like he had been hit with a bomb. "I always knew you were special, but…"
"It's my fault." Shepard sighed, rubbing her neck. She gazed out dramatically into the brightly lit Presidium. "I should have given him more vacation days."
"Would that have helped?" Wrex questioned, his gun hanging limply by his side.
"You guys know I can hear this, right?" Joker asked, pouting.
"Probably not." Shepard shrugged, ignoring him. Revenge was sweet. Smirking wickedly, she pointed at Wrex's gun. "What was that last shot? Are you slacking off now that you're a dad?"
"If only." Wrex blanched, looking more exhausted and terrified than he had on any of their missions together. And considering they had saved the universe several times over, that was saying something. Shepard had heard from Eve just how obsessive the women had gotten after Mordin's sacrifice; she could only imagine Wrex's pain.
There were enough rumours about how Krogan sex was just like Krogan warfare: messy, bloody, and utterly destructive. Shepard had never wanted to confirm if that was true. Seeing Wrex was enough of an answer without getting nightmares.
She felt a tinge of sympathy and patted his back lightly. "Maybe you should have Grunt help."
"You trying to kill me?" Wrex growled, shuddering.
"Fair point." Shepard wasn't sure what'd be worse: Grunt declaring war on everything that breathed, or a dozen little ones with his exact temperament. She jabbed her chin at Garrus. "You're up."
"I'll throw." If the gun looked like a toy in Wrex's hands, the bottle looked like a doll's toy.
"Don't break it," Joker warned. "Death Angel over there already has the advantage."
"It's Archangel," Garrus corrected immediately, raising his gun. "And even if I had a hand behind my back and both eyes closed, I'd beat you."
Joker's shoulders slumped. He leaned on a crutch and tugged on his baseball cap with his other hand. "I know you're joking, but somehow it feels like you could."
"Who said I was joking?" Garrus teased, his eye pressed against the scope. Despite his response, he was clearly already focused and tuning out the conversation.
Wrex didn't so much as grunt as he hurled the bottle, not even bothering to warn anyone. "Try that!"
There was a small bang and the glass shattered. Tiny pieces of glass rained down. Garrus lowered his gun and smirked. "And that's how it's done."
Shepard scrunched her nose, annoyed. A smug Garrus was insufferable. "Show off."
Wrex laughed, shaking his head. "Show off."
Joker sighed, utterly used to this. "Show off."
"I can feel the jealousy." Garrus patted his gun affectionately. "Maybe if you took better care of your gear, you'd have better aim."
"You haven't changed a bit," Wrex grunted, picking up another bottle. "The only thing that's different about you is the rule bending. Who's next?"
"Nah, he's gotten cockier," Shepard chimed in with a shit-eating grin as she watched Garrus.
"Is that even possible?" Joker held out his hand for a gun. "It's my turn, right?"
"I can't believe you actually want to compete with us." Garrus handed over his weapon. He rifled through the bag and pulled out another bottle. "Maybe you should stick to what you're good at."
"Then'd he'd do nothing," Shepard quipped, taking the pot-shot.
"Oh, fuck you." Joker awkwardly held up his gun with one hand. It shook lightly as he tried to steady his aim. "I can shoot just fine."
"You're shakier than an earth worm." Garrus winded up his arm and hurled the bottle.
Joker gritted his teeth and pulled the trigger. Still intact, the bottle arced through the air and fell into the pool with a soft splash. "Aww, come on."
Shepard laughed. "Your aim's as good as ever."
Joker dropped his gun. "I'll remember that the next time you're telling me to fly fast between two ships." He raised his nose and huffed. "Maybe I won't do it."
"And risk breaking your girlfriend?" Shepard snorted as she plucked two beer bottles from the cooler. She handed one over to him. "Promises, promises."
Joker scowled as he accepted the drink. "Screw you."
"Hey, don't take my job," Garrus sniped, taking a swig from his beer. "She barely has time for me."
"You still have to tell me how this happened." Wrex didn't bother with small sips. He just downed the bottle in one go and grabbed a second. "I'm not sure which is more unbelievable, Shepard or Vakarian."
"Maybe after we're done." Garrus tapped his bottle. "I'm not nearly drunk enough for love talk."
Shepard shook her head. "Me neither." She set down her bottle beside her and gazed out into the Citadel. Lights twinkled from the various shops lining the structure and she could hear the distant din of crowds wandering the streets.
"Guess this is it," Joker finally said, breaking the silence. He leaned on his crutch as he stared at his bottle. "Didn't think I'd spend my last day getting insulted."
"Why not?" Shepard quipped, sitting down on the edge of the bridge. Planting a hand behind her, she leaned back and took another sip. "That's everyday for you, right?"
"Ha. Ha." Joker rolled his eyes. "Very funny. But seriously. Can't think of anyone I'd rather be with."
"Aside from EDI?" Garrus asked. Shepard knew there was a reason they got along so well.
Joker groaned. "You're never going to shut up about that, are you?"
Wrex laughed. It echoed through the night air. "Why would we?"
"Right, right. My mistake," Joker grumbled. He drank angrily before tossing his empty bottle off the bridge.
"Litterbug," Garrus chided before sitting down next to Shepard. "But I get the feeling. I can't think of anything better to do either. Well, maybe one thing…" He trailed off, smirking.
Shepard bumped shoulders with Garrus and rolled her eyes at his last comment. "You guys are getting real sentimental on me. Should I be worried?"
"Probably not." Garrus bumped back. "Think we can win?"
"Is that even a question?" Wrex interrupted, snorting. "Not like you to doubt."
"I'm not. Just…" Garrus scratched his jaw as he contemplated his words. "I don't know. It feels different from all the other times, somehow."
"Yeah, it's kinda…bigger?" Joker lifted his baseball cap and fanned his head. "Harder? It's just different."
Shepard lowered her eyes, understanding. It did feel different. Like it was the accumulation of experiences, like she had been preparing for this fight for years. In a way, she had been—she just couldn't have expected it when she'd first landed on Eden Prime, when she'd first glimpsed the unknown.
But she'd pulled a trigger back then, whether she knew it or not. The next fight was just the bullet finally leaving the chamber.
She'd have to make sure it struck true.
Shepard cleared her throat. She'd never been good at reassuring crap, but after all they'd been through, they were her friends more than they were just crewmates. If nothing else, she had to try. "The stakes are higher, but it's the same thing we always do: bust in and beat up the baddies. We just have to win. We don't really have a choice."
She could feel them staring at her. Garrus broke the silence first. "Was that a pep talk?"
"A terrible one," Joker chimed in, getting revenge.
Wrex roared, laughing, "Never change, Shepard."
"Fuck off." Shepard elbowed Garrus. "Next round. I'll beat all of you."
"We'll see about that." Garrus set his empty bottle on the side and stood up. He held out his hand as he asked quietly, "But seriously, are you ready?"
She smiled softly as she gripped his hand. "Not really, but that hasn't stopped me yet."
He chuckled. "True. You know, you never told me what was the one thing you really wanted to do."
Shepard stared at him blankly before recalling their car ride earlier. She'd half-forgotten he'd even asked. "That…not sure, really. I know what I want to do after, though."
Garrus cocked his head. "And that's?"
"A vacation. A long one." Shepard stretched her arms above her. "Think the universe can handle itself without me for a month?"
He laughed. "It won't last half an hour." Garrus wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeeze. "But I do know a great place to hide away for a while."
"Oh?" Shepard leaned against him. "I like the sound of that."
