Hours passed, and night fell, and Regulus hadn't moved at all. He stared out of the window, refusing to even get up and go downstairs for dinner up to the point where Kreacher had to being him his food in the drawing room and practically force feed him. But as night turned to day and an exhausted Regulus was carried to bed by his mother, he had to accept the reply wasn't coming.
With no reply from Andromeda, not even the next day, or the day after that, her spot on the family tapestry was cleared, leaving only a burn mark in its place. For weeks on end, Regulus would refuse to acknowledge what had happened. He wouldn't look at the tapestry, he wouldn't talk about the letter he sent, and he certainly wouldn't mention Andromeda, although his parents tried to get him to talk several times. He just wouldn't budge.
He decided that maybe, just maybe, his father had been right to say Andromeda didn't care about him when he still heard nothing from her at Easter. The only letter he had got had been Sirius', who just wrote him to say he wasn't coming home. But nothing from Andromeda, not even a single word.
So that Easter, as he sat outside with his cousin Bellatrix in the garden to their grandparents' house, he decided he wou stop thinking about her. Though not thinking about your cousin might seem easy, once you tell yourself not to think about something, its almost as if your brain misinterprets it as you wanting to think about just that and nothing else. And so, he was lost in his thoughts about Andromeda even as Bellatrix was talking to him, and she had to snap his attention back several times.
"Are you even listening?" She said after a while, clearly annoyed with him.
"Er... yes?"
"What was I talking about, then?"
He blinked. He hadn't expected her to ask that, and he had no answer for her. He had been thinking about what it had to be like for Narcissa and Bellatrix, to lose a sister like that. He had thought about how it must feel for Sirius to marry some mudblood, and shuddered—the idea that his own brother would choose something like that over family was disgraceful and unimaginable, but if for some reason Sirius would end up doing something like that, he was sure he would miss him greatly. He certainly wouldn't be able to just go on with life pretending he had never been there, like Bellatrix was.
"I might get married soon."
Bellatrix's words came with such force that Regulus nearly fell off his chair. Married? Bellatrix? But if she got married... he would truly be all alone, she would have a family of her own, forget all about him...
"Oh, come on. You knew it was coming, I'm nearly twenty-one. Besides, your Aunt and Uncle are terrified I'll end up like her."
He had to suppress a laugh; picturing Bellatrix with anyone was hard enough, but picturing her with a mudblood... impossible.
"What's so funny?" She demanded.
"Nothing! Just... you, with a mudblood, really? They're worried about that? For you?"
Bellatrix relaxed and smiled slightly. "Well, you never know, do you? Of course, I would rather kiss a Dementor, but I used to think she was the same."
"Do you still think about her?"
The smile faded as quickly as it came, and Regulus felt a chill run down his spine, and not just because of the cool April air. Her glare hardened and she stared right at him, and when she spoke, there was not a hint of affection left. "She is dead to me."
"But-"
"I don't think about her," she interrupted, "and neither should you."
He hesitated, but nodded, before looking away. He just couldn't help it: his thoughts went back to Andromeda every time he looked at Bellatrix. Why did they have to look so alike? He had to close his eyes, forcing himself to think of something else, anything else—it did not matter what Andromeda was doing. As far as anyone was concerned, Andromeda was no longer a part of the family, and he wasn't to mention her, he wasn't to think about her, either. She simply didn't exist anymore. Bellatrix was right, he shouldn't think about her. If only it was that easy.
In a desperate attempt to change the conversation to something more cheerful, he asked: "so you're getting married?"
"Yes. To Rodolphus Lestrange."
"Do you love him?"
"What has love to do with anything?"
He was taken aback by her genuine confusion. "Well, you want to marry him, don't you?"
Bellatrix is laughed. "You don't need love for marriage."
"But-" he didn't understand. Wasn't marriage specifically made for people who love each other?
"My dear cousin, I hate to spoil your innocence, but if you really think marriages are for love..." she shook her head in amusement. "People marry for power, status, wealth... and most of all, we marry to uphold our pureblood lineage. Look at your parents—oh, Regulus... you don't think they actually love each other, do you? They just married for purity."
"They don't love each other?"
She laughed. "Oh, bless you! You're so innocent! No, of course they don't love each other. But there's nothing wrong with marrying for purity. You should be glad they didn't marry for love; it's unpredictable and makes for unstable marriages."
"But Andy-"
Her expression turned sour. "She is exactly why basing marriage on love is a ridiculous idea," she said seriously. "You can fall out of love as quickly as you fall in love, and then you're left with nothing. There is nothing more selfish than love."
"What-"
"Just have a look at the family tapestry," she said, cutting him off. "You'll find it answers most of your questions."
His parents married for purity? How do you marry for purity, and what did the tapestry have to do with anything? But it was clear Bellatrix was done talking about the subject, so he didn't ask any more questions. It could wait until after he had a look at the tapestry.
-
They went home that evening, and immediately after they got back, he ran upstairs to the drawing room. He had to find those answers Bellatrix was talking about.
The first thing he saw upon entering the room was Andromeda's burn mark. It was as if his attention was drawn to that and that only. It stung to see her erased like that, gone, forever...
No, it had been her choice. Her fault. She had left, she had married the mudblood, and she had refused to write back. It was her fault and nobody else's. The pain turned to resentment and for the first time in his life, he managed to feel glad she was missing from the family tree. She didn't deserve to be on there, not after what she'd done. The burn mark where she was supposed to be made him feel a strange sense of satisfaction: if it was that easy for her to forget about him, then he'd show her how easily he could forget about her!
He forced himself to look away and tried to find himself on the tree, easily finding himself as he was on the very bottom. He traced the golden line that connected his name to his parents' names, and stared.
What was he supposed to see? His parents married for purity, but what did that mean? He realised then that he didn't even know what being pureblood actually meant, what it was actually about. How could he possibly see the reason his parents married on the tapestry? It wasn't written on there, only their names were: his father's name, Orion Black, linked with a double line of gold embroidery to his mother's name, Walburga Black. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that answered any of his questions...
"What are you doing?"
He had been so focused on the tapestry he hadn't heard his father come in. His tone was almost accusatory, and he realised he still had his fingers on his parents' names on the tapestry. He quickly removed his fingers and looked up at his father.
"Well?"
"Nothing, I was just looking!"
"We look with our eyes, not our hands."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"What were you looking at?"
"I... Bella, she said- you and Mother-" he struggled to find words, and his father impatiently standing there wasn't helping. "You don't love each other."
"What?" Father's tone was even harsher than before, and it startled him. Had Bellatrix been messing with his head? It started to feel like it...
"You and Mother... she said that you didn't marry because you love each other. That's what Bellatrix said," he specified, just in case she had been wrong.
Father sighed. "Sooner or later we were going to have this conversation," he muttered. "I'd just hoped you were a bit older."
"What do you mean?"
"Nevermind," he sighed again and stared at the tapestry, slowly approaching until he stood next to Regulus, his eyes still on the embroidery. Regulus looked up at him, waiting for him to explain what he meant, hoping he would. He needed to know.
"Love comes in all kinds," his father finally said, tracing his fingers over his own name. Regulus was tempted to say that 'we look with our eyes, not our hands', but contained himself. That would only make matters worse.
"I care about your mother. I care about her, you and Sirius, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or a fool."
Regulus nodded, though he wondered if his father saw it, for he was still focused on the tapestry.
Once more, his father sighed, and he wondered what was so hard for him to say. He didn't really understand why his father was acting like this at all. His father turned to look at him, and Regulus could have sword he saw something glistening in his eyes; were those tears?
"Your mother and I..." another sigh, his strained voice trailing off before he regained his confidence. "Regulus, my boy, we had our reasons—we both decided this union was a beneficial one, that is all you need to know. But I do love your mother—indeed, as I love all my cousins, nothing more, nothing less."
Regulus frowned. Apparently, Father seemed to think that this would answer all his questions, but instead, it just confused him even more. What did it matter Father loved his cousins? They were talking about him and Mother! He opened his mouth to ask just what his father thought this would help him with, but he was interrupted.
"Regulus, you're young. I don't expect you to understand, but some things are more important than marrying for love. Romance can be great in a relationship, but it is foolish to think it is necessary for success."
What on earth was he talking about? What was going on inside his head? Could his father not even give him one answer he could understand? So he asked him exactly what was more important, hoping to get a clear answer, just for once.
"It's more important to make respectable, pureblood marriages," his father said sternly. "Unfortunately, many of our kind are dying out; traitors have corrupted many of the oldest pureblood families, take the Weasleys for example. Good marriage material if it wasn't for their Muggle-loving mania. Other families, like the Gaunts... they were struck by bad luck and are no more."
Regulus nodded, vaguely remembering similar conversations they had before. "So then what?"
"You marry someone out of the people that are left to choose from, in an attempt to keep the bloodline pure."
"What does that even mean?" He blurted out.
"You really ought to know this already," his father said, clearly irritated by his questions. Regulus didn't know what to say. He wanted to apologise, but what for? If he didn't know, it was because his parents hadn't explained! He was starting to get frustrated but his father interrupted.
His father told him to look at the tapestry, so he did. He stared at the tapestry as his father told him it went back generations, it had been in the family for centuries.
"Not a single Muggle has disgraced it in all those years. We need to keep Muggle blood out of our family—that is why Andromeda was burnt off. She married that mudblood and their spawn is not worthy of a place on the family tree. We have to keep the bloodline protected from Muggle blood because that is the only way to safeguard our magic. With few choices available... this often means marrying into your own family."
Regulus' mouth fell open. It was as if everything suddenly made sense. His father mentioning his cousins, the whole pure blood thing, it all fit together. "You and Mother are related," he said it more to himself than to his father. They were related. His parents were cousins... but he had cousins...
"I have to marry Cissy?!"
"No, Narcissa is taken."
As if that was the only reason they wouldn't be a good match... Regulus could think of at least a dozen other things. He liked his cousin, but living with her every day would be hell. Besides, she was at Hogwarts most of the time, and at the Malfoys, so it would be lonely for him if they were to get married. Maybe if he married his brother...
His eyes widened at the thought, no, that couldn't be- right? No, his brother wasn't a girl, he realised a moment after, so he couldn't marry him. Boys marry girls, not their brothers. He breathed a sigh of relief at his own realisation, and slowly came back to reality. He hadn't realised his father had been talking to him, and he was a bit embarrassed, so he just nodded along as his father was clearly asking him a question. But what? He had no idea. But his father smiled at him and left the room, so it had to be something to do with that.
He stared back at the family tree in horror, he would never be able to look at his parents the same way. Bellatrix had been right, as always, but for the first time in his life he wished it wasn't so.
