You and Me Against the World

Chapter 1: Celebrations Can Go Too Far Sometimes

Severus didn't know why he decided to attend the celebration that Albus was holding in the staff room on the evening of the 9th of August 1998. He really didn't. But he supposed spending a lot of his time cooped up in his quarters attempting to heal from the snake bite he had received in the final battle, in between small bouts of helping re-build the castle whenever he had the energy to do so, meant that he was positively bored.

He was also immensely glad that the castle had been successfully re-built, re-warded, and cleaned in time for the new school year that was due to start in just under a month. All that was left to do now was to speak to muggle-borns, and those who could return for their eighth year if they wanted to, and make lesson plans. So, why not take the time to celebrate with his colleagues, both new and old?

Why not use this as his opportunity to get well and truly drunk for the first time since the war ended? He was off his potions now, after all, and could, therefore, consume alcohol again if he wanted to.

Of course, the werewolf staring at him in that interested way he nearly always looked at him with was rather off-putting. Merlin knew he couldn't deal with that again. Not now that he was free. But he tried to relax into his armchair as much as possible, his fire-whiskey in hand as he watched his colleagues, and many of those who had helped them re-build the school, celebrate, dancing to the softly playing music, or just talking in little groups. Minerva and Poppy were dancing together in the centre of the small, temporary dance floor.

And as always he thought they looked rather cute, wife and wife, slowly swaying to the music together.

Obviously the wolf had to come over and ruin his somewhat alright mood, though. The other man sitting in the chair next to his, a fresh bottle of firewhiskey in his hand which he proceeded to fill Severus' now empty glass with, ignoring Severus' glare.

"How many times do I have to ask you to leave me alone?" Severus said, slightly slurring his words, although his glare held rather spectacularly.

"As many times it takes me to believe you mean it," the wolf said, a leering grin on his face.

"Well, I do mean it. So please, bugger off," Severus growled.

He decided that he had had enough of the party and stood to leave, only for the other man to grab his wrist in a move that was both gentle and possessive. And he didn't let go, even when the black haired man glared down at him.

"There's no need to leave, Severus. I just wanted to talk," Lupin said, "To celebrate, with you, the end of the war and the beginning of the rest of our lives,"

Severus scoffed.

"We're drunk, Lupin. Leave me alone,"

Why the fuck did Albus have to hire the man again? What in the name of Merlin was the meddlesome fool up to this time?

He sighed and ripped his arm out of Lupin's grip, draining the rest of his drink and doing his best to storm out of the room and back to his quarters, but things were rather hazy.

Until he was gripped by the wrist again, and spun around so that his back was pressed against the wall and possessive lips were on his own. And damn his need to drink himself into a stupor again for being the reason he sunk into it. Why did he sink back into that warmth again? Why?

"Your place or mine?" Severus said when the lips were finally removed from his own and he was looking into those dark amber eyes.

"Yours," the other man said with a grin, and Severus felt his stomach turn almost but he couldn't find it in him to care as he was lead off into a night of warmth and lust that he had been fighting against for so long, because Merlin he couldn't find it in him to care anymore.

Until he woke up the following morning anyway, with a pounding head, a cramping stomach and a warm arm over his waist, the memories of the night flooding his mind's eye with regret, and fear, and pain. Because he couldn't do this again.

The arm pulled him closer to the warm body behind his back and he flinched as a grinning kiss was placed on his bare shoulder.

"I knew you would come back to me, Severus," the man said, "You always do,"

He wrenched himself out of the hold and jumped out of his bed, stalking to his wardrobe to find something to wear and grabbing the first pair of bed trousers he could find, sliding them on quickly before whirling around and glaring at the bewildered man sitting in the bed.

"Leave," Severus said sternly.

"Severus,"

"Leave. Now,"

"We should talk about this, us…"

"There is no us, and there never will be. Not again. I can't do that again," Severus said, his heart pounding along with his head.

"You gave in last night," the man said, confused.

"I was drunk, and I'm a mess. Now leave,"

"We love each other, Severus, you know we do-"

"What we had wasn't love, Lupin. In any case, I don't feel the same as I used to. I don't love you. I am finally free. I can't spend the rest of my life, however long it may be, being hurt by you again. So, kindly fuck off," he growled.

"I never hurt you, Severus," the man said.

"Maybe not physically," Severus said quietly, "At least, not always. But I can't… I can't be with you, Lupin. I can't do that to myself anymore. So leave, before I make you," he wordlessly and wandlessly summoned his wand to his hand and aimed it at the man who's hands went up in surrender.

"Fine, we can talk about this when you've had some time to calm down," Lupin said before climbing out of the bed, slipping into his clothes and leaving.

Severus closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories. Memories of last night's gently possessive touches and kisses, and those of their past times together. Memories of the surprisingly strong, warm body hovering over his, stroking and kissing anything he could reach. Memories of their bodies molding together as the man pounded into him. Times where he had thought himself in love with the man despite the pain, the betrayals, the words, the everything. But he couldn't live like that anymore.

He was finally free. He was free of the controls and manipulations. He could be himself now. He could be happy now, if he let himself be. But he knew he couldn't be happy with Lupin. He never really was, as painful as it was to admit that.

A particularly harsh cramp surged through his lower stomach, his hand going to it as he hunched over slightly, rushing to the en-suite when he felt bile rising up.

He made it through two weeks of stomach cramps, nausea/vomitting, headaches and dizzy spells, before it crossed his mind what might be wrong with him. Of course, he was busy working on lesson plans and such between all that, which provided a great distraction from pain, sickness, and from the constant pressure of Lupin lurking around, trying to speak to him about nights, and days that he was fighting to forget.

With the revelation, though, came a lot of fear.

His stomach wasn't supposed to be hurting this much, right? And the sickness doesn't start straight away? It takes a few weeks to kick in, usually, right?

It took him two hours of pure fear, and trying to think of anything else that could possibly be ailing him, before he plucked up the courage to visit Poppy.

He needed answers.

He stormed into the hospital wing, glad that the wolf was away from the castle for the day, and straight into Poppy's office, causing her to jump slightly and look at him in concern. Concern that rather tugged at Severus' heart as it had been lost last year, replaced with anger, and hate, and many other things he would rather not think about.

"Severus, I thought we were past you storming into my office in pain now that the war is over," she said softly, looking him up and down as if she would be able to see right away what was ailing him.

"So did I," he scoffed, if only to hide the fear that was pounding through his heart.

"What's wrong, dear?" she said, standing from her seat at her desk and leading him over to the private room he would use whenever he was in need of healing.

Only when the door was shut, though, did he speak.

"I think I'm pregnant," he whispered, the words twisting something in his stomach and in his heart, along with the shock in her eyes at the words.

"I didn't know you were seeing someone," she said.

"I'm not," he said, his hand going to his stomach as another harsh pain tore through it, a grimace on his face as he sat himself down on the bed.

"Oh, Sev, were you hurt?" she said, her clear worry doubling as she sat on the chair in front of him.

"No," he said, "We were drunk, it was a one time thing," this time.

"Okay, take off your shirt and lay back, I will take a look," she said gently, and he did as instructed, feeling somewhat uncomfortable as he lay, half naked in front of her. As if he hadn't done it hundreds of times before, but her reactions to him last year still stung.

He looked up at the ceiling as she ran her tests, not wanting to see, even though he did. The pain he was feeling wasn't natural, he knew that. Something wasn't right, if he was, in fact, pregnant. And it hurt more than anything to think about.

"You're pregnant," she breathed and he squeezed his eyes shut as another cramp ripped through him, his hand going back to his flat belly as he wanted nothing more than to curl into himself and drown out the world.

"What's wrong with my baby?" he whispered, opening his eyes to find her looking down at him with worried eyes that twisted a knife deeper into his heart, "Why does it hurt so much?"

"Sev, the… the baby is fine," she said reluctantly.

"Then why does it hurt? It isn't supposed to hurt like this. I have read up on being a bearer, on pregnancy, on everything, I-"

"Sev, you… Your body isn't healed enough to handle a pregnancy at the moment. You may be a bearer, but… Your womb has some scars on it that will make this pregnancy incredibly painful for you, especially the bigger the baby gets. And your body, in general, is not healthy enough to successfully sustain a pregnancy at this point in time. Especially with the pain you will be in along with the other symptoms that I can't name since every pregnancy is different, this isn't going to be easy on you, or on the baby. If you decide to continue with this pregnancy, Severus, there is a very high chance of both you and the baby dying,

"Remus being the father also doesn't help. Your child might not be a lycanthrope, but during gestation they certainly react to the full moon. And that will be painful also, you may even bleed, heavily, on each full moon as some lycanthrope mothers are known to do. If you bleed, your birth canal will open, and likely stay open for the rest of the pregnancy, which will only increase your chance of miscarrying,"

His heart shattered as he tried to process the words that she had said.

"If I continue with the pregnancy?" he breathed shakily.

"I-I would… I would recommend that you terminate the pregnancy,"

"No," Severus said, sitting up and moving to collect his shirt from the bedside table.

"Severus, please, just listen. Give your body time to heal. We can fix you up, and then, in a few years, you can try again if you want to. When it is safer for you, and your baby. I don't like seeing you in pain, Severus,"

He scoffed, "You had no problem with seeing me in pain last year," he said.

"I thought you had killed the Headmaster. That you had betrayed us," she said desperately.

"I thought you, of all people, knew me better than that. Though I suppose I should thank you all for helping me to play my part so well," he said, pain in his eyes as he turned to look at her.

"Severus, I am so sorry for not trusting you, for not knowing you better than that. I'm sorry for the hurt that we all caused you last year. But please, at least take some time to consider it. Think of yourself for once. It isn't a baby yet, just a bundle of cells, no body, no heartbeat. You have time to have other children, when your body is healed, and you are physically able to handle it. When you are physically healed from the torture and abuse you have experienced,"

"And who would want to have a child with me?" he said softly.

"Clearly Remus is interested in you, again," she said.

"Lupin can go and fuck himself for all I care. I am done with him. For good this time. He also doesn't want children because despite all the evidence saying otherwise he is still firmly of the belief that any child he fathers will be a werewolf. And as you just informed me, lycanthrope pregnancies are painful on the nights of the full moon. So you would still see me, in pain, whether I was physically healthy or not," Severus said, "I am thinking of myself. I am finally free of everything that has ruined my life for the last thirty eight years. I want a baby. I want something good in my life, for once. And this might be my only chance. My only chance to have a family, even if it is just the two of us. So, I am going to try. I have been in pain, and sick, and everything else for terrible reasons in the past. But this, my baby, is not a terrible reason to be in pain. I can manage. I will manage for as long as I can. If my parents, the Dark Lord, his snake, the Death Eaters, the Marauders, and everyone else couldn't kill me, then I am sure I will be just fine,"

"Will your baby be just fine, though? Will you be if, at the end of all this pain that you are about to embark on, you don't have your baby?" she whispered, and for what felt like hours, it was as if he had been punched in the gut.

"I will feel better knowing I tried, right? Knowing that I didn't just give up because it was going to be too hard? I… There has been so much death, and loss, and pain the last twenty years, Poppy. I don't want to contribute to it anymore. I can't give up on my own child when I haven't given up on anyone else, even those that have hurt me in way too many ways. So, I am going to try, whether you like it or not. It is my choice after all, right? My body. My baby. I just need to know if you are going to help me try, or if I need to find a new healer?"

Realistically he knew that if everything went wrong and he lost his baby it would kill him, and she knew it, too. But maybe just knowing he tried would help him to heal from it, right? He had to try.

He had to try.

"Of course I will help you, Sev," she said, her voice somewhat shaky as she moved to hug him, and despite everything he sunk into it, because he needed something to smother the fear that was building within, "But you have to at least try everything I suggest. You need to see me, every week, so that I can check on you and the baby. You need to tell me everything, all your symptoms, all your pains, everything. If something feels wrong, come to me straight away. If this baby dies and we don't catch it in time, then your life will be in danger, too, Severus. I will be spending full moons with you, or you can spend them with Minerva and me. I will need to tell the staff, and the students so that everyone can keep an eye on you,"

He went to complain, because no one had the right to know unless he wanted them to, but she cut him off.

"Severus, I need everyone to know that if you need me, they need to either get you to me, or bring me to you. As fast as possible. This is dangerous. Your body isn't ready for this. You only got pregnant because the potions you have taken recently have healed you enough for you to be able to conceive now that you haven't been able to take your contraceptives, but they haven't healed you enough to be able to successfully hold a pregnancy for fourty weeks. So I need everyone in this castle to know, so that they can help me help you, and so that they can help you, too. There may be times where you are too sick to teach a class, I need the staff ready to cover for you. Maternity leave also needs to be discussed with me, you and the Headmaster. You won't be able to be around certain potions, and so others will have to teach the classes you have set for those. The students need to know that you need as little stress as possible, and to be on their best behaviour, and to be more careful with their work. We need you and your baby to be as safe as possible, and everyone knowing is the best way for that to happen,"

He nodded reluctantly, but also knowing that he needed this, he needed everyone to know how vulnerable he was. And that was… terrifying. Especially in regards to Lupin.

"You will be taking pre-natal potions, morning sickness relief potions, and pregnancy safe pain relievers whenever it is safe to do so. You will eat what you can, when you can, and get as much rest as possible. If things get too bad you may need to either move in with another member of staff, or for them to move in with you, so that you can be looked after between classes and meals. But most of all, you need to trust us to be able to look after you and your baby,"

"What are our chances?" he asked, not wanting to know and yet desperately needing to.

"As things stand now," she said, swallowing thickly, "There is about a ten percent chance that you both make it through this. But we can work on making you healthier, as much as we can anyway since many potions and such will be unavailable for consumption, and I don't know what symptoms you will have and how bad they'll be. I don't know how sick you'll get, what foods you'll be able to keep down. I don't know, Sev,"

"When am I due?" Severus said quietly.

"Around the sixteenth of May," she said, just as quietly, "Though, given how things are at the moment, you are likely to give birth early. And I don't know… I don't know if you or the baby will be able to handle the birth. We may have to resort to an emergency C-section if things go poorly for either of you. Unless we can get you healthy enough to handle it, or find things that help you and the baby between now and then with the pain, and everything else,"

He swallowed thickly himself, tears clogging at the back of his throat, knowing that trusting anyone with himself and his baby would be incredibly difficult, but he had to. He had to trust them. Because he was unsure as Poppy was regarding how well he and his baby would be able to handle everything, and he needed help, "Do I have to be there when you tell the staff? Or the students for that matter?"

Perhaps that made him sound like a coward, but he didn't care. He couldn't be around Lupin when the man finds out about the baby. He couldn't bear it. And the students, he couldn't stand to see their shock, or pity, or anything else that they might throw his way when they find out. So no, he would much prefer giving them some time to cool down before he saw them.

"No, Severus, but-"

"But nothing. I shall be taking my leave now. I will see you in a week. Send me the potions when you have the opportunity,"

She tried to stop him but he ignored her. He needed some time alone.

He sank into his armchair and closed his eyes, trying to fight off the tears that threatened to fall as he breathed shakily through the pain that rippled across his abdomen again.

He unbuttoned his black shirt and looked down at his almost concave belly, his hand resting against it gently, his long fingers attempting to run soothing patterns over the skin. And the baby that was growing in there.

Merlin, he was having a baby.

He hoped.

"We'll make it through this, won't we?" he whispered to his belly, to his little bundle of cells that he hoped desperately would have the chance to turn into more.

He had wanted a family for so long. Someone who would love him unconditionally, and whom he could love in the same way. And now he had it. But Merlin, he was terrified of everything going wrong. Of getting too attached. Of his baby dying. Of him dying and not getting to raise his baby. Of Remus' reaction. Of everyone else's reactions.

He was just afraid of everything.

But he wouldn't let anyone change his mind. He would do this. He would try. He couldn't give up on his child after everything else he had done in his life. He hadn't given up on anyone before, except the Dark Lord, and Lupin, though he had good reasons for both of those, so he certainly wouldn't give up on his baby. Not even if the pain were to get excruciating. He couldn't do it.

He would fight for them.

He would fight for his baby.

Always.

Hiya, how are you all?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really love Your Baby is the Size of a... (and just anything with pregnant Sev really, you might be able to tell if you read a lot of my works, haha) and I wanted to write my own version of it, kinda. This will be a lot more angsty, dramatic, emotional, and not good if you are a fan of Remus. But don't worry, you will still get plenty of cuteness with Severus' interactions with baby. The thing is, I loved the fic this is inspired by, but I really hate Remus in it (sorry, not sorry), if you want to know why then feel free to drop a comment, and I will answer, but I also don't really like Remus in canon anymore either, so this fic is for me to very cathartically hate on him, whilst also doting on pregnant Sev again. I hope you enjoy it!

Anywho, I posted an essay/petition where I (un)officially explain why I think I should be cast as my favourite character, Severus Snape, in the new HBO series, despite the fact that I am a woman. It would mean a lot if you went and read it, but no pressure. It isn't going to lead to anything, unless, by some miracle, it goes viral, but it was fun to write. Feel free to go and check it out.

Also, I am working on some Spotify playlists for my fanfics, so if you can think of any songs you think work with the stories as they are so far, or where you think they are going, or songs that give you the vibes you get from the stories, then please do let me know and I will give them a listen, then potentially add them to the playlists. If you would like to go and give them a listen as they are now then you can find me on Spotify under the name Maraudering_Paige. They aren't that long at the moment, but we are making progress and I will continue adding to them the more music I listen to and when I have the time to do so. But still, if you can think of any relevant songs then do let me know.

I have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you would like to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes and more. It is also where I have somewhat of an update schedule for my fics and will be keeping you up to date on what I am working on, in regards to fanfics, original works, and more things. So if you are interested in joining then I am more than happy to accept you all.

I also now have a TikTok and an Instagram for my fanfic writing escapades. The username is maraudering_paige on both of them so feel free to follow me, and we shall see how often and what kinds of content I can post when I can. But it is another way for me to keep you all up to date if you don't have Facebook and such, and for me to spread the word about other things I am working on and things I want to do and such. So yeah, feel free to join me on those if you are able.

And finally, if you like poems, then I write them and I have started a where you can read 1 or more poems every month depending on how many I have the time to post. You also get access to information about my original books I am working on before anyone else. And you get your name listed in the acknowledgements section of any book I publish whilst you are a Patron. For as little as £1.11 (plus VAT) a month. If you would like to join me over there and read some rants I call poems, and get updates on original work, then you may. My username over there is Paige_Makepeace. No pressure, by the way, you certainly do not have to if you can't or don't want to. I understand. I just thought it would be a cool thing to try. Any money made from this will go towards helping me write and publish the original novels I am working on. Including the one I am hoping to publish first which is a slow-burn, witchy, bisexual/lesbian enemies to lovers book. You will also be able to read the first draft of the first chapter of my book, so, if you are interested in doing that then feel free to go and subscribe if you want to.

If there are any other platforms you think I should join you all on then let me know and I will have a think.

I hope you are having an amazing day!

Kind regards,

Paige xx