Date Night
By
M. Willow
A/N: This is the result of the August three word challenge of the SHFAFF Facebook group—use the words typewriter, shrug, and candy.
A/N: Still don't own the characters and nobody dies.
Hutch entered his apartment to find the unexpected sight of Starsky sitting on the sofa. It was a surprising sight because the brunet had taken the day off, while Hutch had remained at the precinct, tied to his desk and the typewriter the entire day.
"Hey," Hutch said as he made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed a can of beer and returned to the living room, taking a seat next to Starsky as he observed his demeanor. "Thought you had a date with Veronica."
"Veronica left town a month ago. I had a date with Gina."
Gina was the new woman in his partner's life. The two had been seeing each other about a month. Nothing serious and the lady had insisted on taking things slow.
Hutch opened his can and took a deep swig. He noticed Starsky also had a can of beer which was unopened. The brunet was absently tapping the lid, shifting the can around in his hand, seemingly lost in thought. Hutch decided to wait until he was ready to talk. Whatever was on his mind probably had something to do with his date. Nothing alarming, he reasoned.
Minutes passed without a single word being spoken. Finally, Starsky looked at him. "How come men can't understand women, Hutch?"
"No man can."
"Why d'ya think that is?"
"They're smarter than us."
Starsky smiled, then settled back in his seat.
"What's going on, Gordo?"
He shrugged. "What makes you think anything is going on? Maybe I just dropped by to see ya."
Hutch looked at his watch. "It's ten o'clock and you had a date with a beautiful woman. Now you're sitting here with me. What's wrong with this picture?"
"Well, we are taking things slow. But I'm here because she threw me and the bag out."
Hutch noticed Starsky had a small brown bag on his lap.
"How about you tell me what happened."
Starsky seemed to consider it for a moment. Then spoke. "I've been replaying it in my head since it happened. Still can't figure out how I blew it."
"Well, they are smarter, but maybe the two of us can figure it out."
Starsky took a deep breath. "Okay. Here it goes. Gina wanted to take it slow, and I was fine with that. Wasn't like she was pushing for an exclusive relationship or anything. Tonight, she wanted to cook dinner for me at her place. I wasn't expecting anything but the dinner."
Hutch raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe a little making out on the sofa. But I swear that's all I expected. I left everything up to her. We coulda watched TV if she wanted."
Leaving it up to the woman was something they both lived by. The woman was always the one to decide how slow or fast they wanted to take things in the relationship.
Hutch took a sip of beer as Starsky went on.
"Anyhow, I got to her place and she greeted me with a big kiss. I mean, she was really happy to see me. After that, she showed me to the living room and went back into the kitchen, while I nibbled on hors d'oeuvres and watched TV."
Starsky put his can of beer on the table and looked at him. "Now, this is where it gets weird. After a while, she came out of the kitchen and said she didn't have enough oregano and asked if I could go down to the store and pick some up. I said okay. Then she asked if I could pick up some rubbers too. Said she was running low.
Hutch sat forward and looked at Starsky. "What happened to taking things slow?"
"What I thought. But I ain't one to complain."
"Wow!"
"What I thought."
"So I go to the store, get what she ordered, and came back. She gave me a big kiss when I got back, took the bag, and looked inside."
Starsky stopped talking as if he were reliving the moment.
"And?" Hutch probed.
"And she threw me and the bag out."
"But that doesn't make sense. Why would she do something like that?"
"What I've been sittin' here trying to figure out."
Hutch had met Gina a few days ago at The Pits. The dark-haired beauty seemed demure, very nice. There was nothing strange about her. Until now.
"You said she asked for oregano and rubbers."
"Yeah. And that's what I got. That's what's in the bag," he said handing the bag to Hutch, who looked inside and saw the oregano and rubbers still inside.
"Maybe she said rubber bands."
"Nope."
"You sure?"
"Completely."
Hutch didn't doubt that for a moment. Their job didn't allow for mishears like that. No. The lady asked for rubbers.
"Maybe she changed her mind, Starsk. And was embarrassed to say it."
But Hutch already knew that didn't make sense. She'd spent time preparing a meal. She'd greeted him twice with a kiss. Then she looked in the bag and got angry for some reason.
They sat back on the sofa as they tried to figure it out. Then Hutch suddenly sat forward and had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. Starsky looked at him hopefully.
"You said Gina has only been here two months," Hutch said excitedly.
Starsky nodded his head. "Yeah. She's a schoolteacher and moved here to teach at that high school down the street."
"That's it," Hutch said.
"What's it?"
Hutch recalled talking to Gina about the coming school year. She was an English teacher, and he was sure the kids would get a kick out of hearing her very London accent.
"A famous writer once said, 'England and America are two countries separated by the same language.'"
"What's that got to do with Gina and me?" Starsky asked.
Hutch was careful to keep the smile from reaching his eyes. "Simple. On this side of the pond a rubber is a condom. But on the other side of the pond, it's an eraser, as in a pencil eraser, as in your lady wanted oregano and erasers."
Starsky's eyes widened. "And I thought she wanted oregano and sex. Oh, no. Oh no. What am I going to do?"
Hutch patted Starsky on the knee. "Send her flowers and candy and a note explaining everything. I'm sure you'll both have a good laugh."
Starsky narrowed his eyes. "You mean like you're trying to keep from doing now?"
"Exactly."
And they both burst out laughing.
The End
A/N: Again, I found myself writing a story based on a true story. In this case a coworker of mine from the UK started his first day at work by going to the supply clerk and asking for a stapler, pens, and of course, rubbers. It was a story he told years later and yes, he smiled as he remembered his days of getting used to the way we speak on this side of the pond.
A/N: the quote is attributed to George Barnard Shaw. No one knows when or where he said it or if he said it at all.
A/N: Apologies from across the pond if I got any of this wrong.
