A/N: this is really a fully self indulgent, hard self insert, mary sue feeling fic. I let my inner child write this story and I will have it no other way. I will always try to add tw for any triggers at start of each chapter. Fair warning as well, oc is trans non-binary. just like me. they use they/them pronouns exclusively. this story is meant to add full context of LGBT things into Naruto how i see fit.

as always. I do not own Naruto or any of the characters from the original story.

TW/ mention of shooting, death, and possibly others I might miss.

My name… Was.. Dots. I had picked it and treasured it for years.

Now? I'm not sure what my name is or where I am.

Last I remember, I was at my favorite bar, i heard a scream, and then a bang, and then a loud ringing. I remember the lights fading and a stranger i had just met holding me and crying. They seemed desperate to help me but i wasn't sure of what.

I'm assuming I was shot. Probably in the head, because my headache would not go away, but I wasn't sure. Everything went numb after a few moments and then as the lights faded so did my consciousness.

Soon my body felt like it was being squished and squashed as I felt someone push me. I wasn't sure what was going on but did it matter? I was being pushed from a comfortable and warm spot into a freezing cold and painful existence. All I could do was try not to cry. To concentrate on figuring out what was going on. Large hands wrapped around me as sound was starting to register. My eyes shut as tight as they could with the bright lights beaming at me.

My silence didn't last for long. I was slapped on my rear end and started crying loudly. Sharp noises rang from my mouth as I was set onto something. I very quickly found myself being cleaned off and felt my body warm up. I stopped crying as loud and tried to open my eyes, and that alone was hard. But surprisingly harder was seeing. My eyes felt terrible as I tried to get a hold of where I was.

Placing every puzzle piece together wasn't so hard. I'm assuming I died and this was my rebirthing. Was this an after life or another chance at life? I tried to move but my body didn't move how I was used to it feeling.

I tried again to look around and figure out what was happening. I noticed a haze around my body and two sets of hands hovering just above me. Ha ha. Kind of looked like a healing jutsu from Naruto. Weird.

I grew tired very quickly with all my attempts to move, but before I could fall asleep I was picked up and gently moved to someone's quiet chest. I was tiny compared to them and their heartbeat felt like home. If I had been reborn this would be my mother, I guess. Weird that if I was reborn that I kept all my previous knowledge. I heard a gentle voice whisper to me.

"Aishiteru" the voice whispered. They sounded like they were about to cry and- hey wait a second… Thats Japanese, and not only does it mean "I love you" but it means the highest and rarest form of it. Holy hell I'm in Japan? I tried to reply but all that came out was a coo. Right. My mouth muscles were not ready yet. I felt around my mouth and noticed I didn't have any teeth either.

I let myself relax and listen to their heartbeat, my eyes closing. It continued on for a little bit before it started getting weaker, and weaker. Suddenly I was nabbed up from my spot and heard frantic noises. I stayed quiet so the nurses could figure whatever i was out. The person holding me walked me out of whatever room we were in and continued on somewhere. I peaked my eyes open again when I heard another coo that didn't come from myself. I saw another baby across from me. They had a few wisps of pink hair. And their eyes opened a very small amount to show vibrant green. I wonder if I looked like that too, assuming this kid would be my twin or sibling. My eyes fell again and I drifted asleep. I'm sure I could trust whoever I was with.

Next time I awoke was to hear a man quietly sobbing. I quietly turned my head to look towards where the sound was coming from and saw a blur of the one making noise. My eyes definitely where not fully developed yet but i think he was holding q picture frame. My heart sank a little as I realized I had probably been the cause of this. A mother dying during childbirth, leaving a dad and his kid… or kids in this case i think. I heard my new sibling shift and start whining a little to my other side. It quickly shifted into a loud wailing. I stayed quiet and watched my new dad stand up and whip his tears as he walked past me to pick them up.

"Shh… it's okay Sakura.." He whispered quietly in Japanese. Glad i had actually followed through on my online classes, otherwise this would suck. Also wait a second… Sakura. Pink hair. Green eyes. The healing juitsu…? This can't be the Naruto verse. Id read fanfic of it but this couldn't be real. I was just in a coma. Right?

The thought lingered in my head, my mind spiraling out of control with thoughts of how bad this could be. I always wanted to be a shinobi but this? This could be terrible.

My emotions took over as my mind went deeper into thought. If this was real then id never see my friends again. Id never be able to say goodbye. I always tried to leave everyone on good terms so if I did die it wouldn't be too bad but ….. I didn't get to say goodbye. I'll never see my friends faces again. My eyes teared up and I started crying. I tried to stay quiet for this poor man who just lost his wife and now had to be a single dad but my tears kept coming.

I was carefully picked up in this mans other arms. He felt comforting as well but i couldn't pull myself out the spiral i had gone down. It was jarring how much it hurt. Eventually Sakura stopped crying and our father set her down, turning his full attention to me. My sobs racked my tiny body, but i didn't wail. I couldn't bother Sakura and I had to try to calm down but I couldn't. The man started walking with me and patted me on the back. I felt him nuzzle my head a touch and felt one of his tears hit my scalp. We both were filled with pain.

"It'll be okay, Ren" he whispered. Alright. Ren wasn't too bad. I think I could handle that name seeing as how it felt pretty androgynous. In my past life i was non binary, and trans. The body i had been born with and name I was given wasn't who I truly was. Ren might not fit as well as Dots had for me, but maybe i can find peace with it. You see, i had the dissatisfaction of being born into a girls body…. Again. It'll eventually become my body like the last one, but I'm worried ill have major dysphoria again.

My crying came to a slow stop. I wore myself out, but that was okay. I needed sleep if i was going to be the best I could in this life.