A/N: Hello! It's been a while... a long while. Firstly please forgive me for abandoning my other fics, if I'm being honest most of them are dead in the water and I don't think I'll continue with them but I won't make you any false promises. However I've always loved the idea of Tanya/Bella getting together and after Twilight being with us for over 10 years now I can't help but feel SM did the Denali Sisters/Coven dirty... So that being said heres a AU story thats been floating round my head for a few months and I've finally decided to give this writing thing a go again! Apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes.
WARNING: Dark themes within this chapter, Eating disorder/self harm/suicidal thoughts. They will be recurring themes throughout this fanfiction.
Summery: AU Bella was left broken, told she doesn't belong in the supernatural world. How wrong she was... after being turned against her will she's thrown into a much more complicated supernatural world than she first thought. Confronted with this harsh new world will she be able to piece herself back together? Dark themes SH/Suicidal themes. Tanya/Bella Femslash slow burner
Chapter One: The fun's only just beginning.
Eight weeks…
It had been eight weeks since Edward had abandoned me in the forest… Eight weeks of this empty void inside me continuing to grow, consuming me from the inside out.
Everything had lost its sense of meaning… No one seemed to care that they'd all abandoned me, no one bothered to check-up on me; probably cause they all knew this would have happened sooner or later, I got too close to the sun and now reaped the consequences.
Yet as the days crept past things became more bleak. Music never sounded the same, the idea of food was repulsive and sleep… it was the only place I could still see him… feel him… only to wake and be sucked back into the cold harsh hands of reality where I let the heartbreak consume me.
Sighing I dragged myself to sit up in bed. My stomach growled and contracted in on itself begging for me to eat something, anything that wasn't water. Swallowing the saliva that pooled into my mouth, I try to ride out the intense wave of nausea that accompanied my stomachs protest. I could feel my body ache as it slowly began to shut down. I hardly ate these days, even when I did eat it would be a miracle if I kept it down.
My world is not for you. His voice echos in my mind. A sharp pain shoots through the centre of my chest, my heart helped in spreading the stabbing sensation only growing more painful with each pathetic thud. Clenching my eyes shut I could feel tears pool round my lashes threatening to fall. Taking a steading breath I open my eyes to let the tears fall whipping them away. At the same time the loud bang of the front door closing made its way through the house, Charlie must have left for work.
Stumbling across to my bedroom window that was always open now I could see Charlie enter his cruiser. From here I could see just how ruff he looked, his hair was beginning to take on a more grey apposed to its usual dark brown, his facial hair taking on the same shade of grey.
He didn't deserve this… I should have never moved to Forks in the first place. Had I not I'd never met them, I'd never have known the supernatural was real… Still I struggled to believe any of it had been real but I'd witnessed things that would and could only may sense in the supernatural world. How can you forget any of that?
There were still questions that burned in the back of my mind that I'd not been able to ask them. Too many elements of their world was purely fascinating. How many of the childish folklore stories had been real? Or was it all a ruse to hide their existence?
Then again why were all supernatural beings so concerned with hiding their existence? They could easily overpower humans with their sheer strength and speed… probably even get humans to carry out their very will if they wanted to, a human would find it impossible to not do anything a vampire instructed them to do. I'd had first hand experience with this so its not hard to imagine the rest of humanity bending to the wills of the immortal gods.
Letting another sigh out I watched as Charlie backed out the drive and down the street. My eyes drift to the forest that surrounded the house, the deep greens and browns of its peaceful environment ever so inviting. Since that day he left me in the forest Charlie had banned me from ever entering the forest again. I don't know why he'd thought he'd needed to, I never wandered in the forest on my own even when he was still here. Something about humans being too fragile to be exposed to the elements of the forest my mind chanted.
Turning to my closet I pull out the first pair of clothes it had to offer and made my way to the bathroom. Dumping the clothes by the sink, I quickly brushed my teeth before shedding my pyjamas and hopping in the shower.
Its steam quickly filled the small room, I suck in my bottom lip and bite it as I stand beneath the scolding water. Turning the temperature up to a almost unbearable temperature, the scolding water bounces slightly before it settles into its multiple streams down my body my skin turning an aggressive red. The sting of the scolding water passes within a few minuets, it was the closest thing that reminded me of pain I felt when James's venom was coursing through my veins… the closest I'd ever come to entering the supernatural world, before he decided I wasn't worthy.
With that thought I turned the water off and exited the shower, using a towel I patted myself dry. Looking into the mirror I could see how bright my skin was now, it looked like I'd been sat in the sun for over an hour a deep pinky/red colour. Gently I rubbed my hand over my shoulder feeling the slight bumps of blisters on my raw flesh, yet again highlighting how fragile humans could be.
Dressing quickly I head downstairs and glance into the kitchen. A single apple, some pills and note sat out on the table. Charlie must have set them out before he left for work. Walking over to the table I instantly recognised the pills as anti-sickness medication, the sheer thought of having to take it made my stomach turn. Quickly reading the note to distract me from the nausea that washed over my body, it was a simple note:
'Hey Bells,
I've been called into the station today about an ongoing case.
If you need me just call and I'll be back asap.
Please try to eat something today, I heard you had a ruff night last night.
Stay home and I'll be back before sundown - Dad'
Moving to the cupboard I grabbed a glass and filled it with some water and took a sip. The water itself was refreshing for my mouth but as soon as I swallowed I felt it hit my stomach, crouching over slightly at the sharp pain that it ignited. I grabbed the chair to my left to help steady myself, breathing through the pain and sickness washing over me.
Is this really the life he wanted me to have so badly? A life where merely existing was nothing but pain? Not just the emotional pain but the physical pain… surely the more humane thing to do would have been to kill me to spare me having to feel this way. Spare everyone having to deal with me like… this.
I'd never thought myself suicidal but I cannot continue going on like this… I couldn't keep putting Charlie through this… It was cruel. He'd tried to get me to move back in with my mom in Jackson but leaving here would mean I'd be under constant sunshine again. I didn't want to leave the constant gloomy cloud coverage Forks provided. It allowed me to still feel connected to their world.
Their world.
It was clear I don't belong in the normal world, not now that I'd been exposed to the supernatural and if I didn't belong there either what's the point of carrying on with a meaningless existence.
With that thought I opened one of the kitchen drawers grabbing what I'd need then I moved to grab the keys to my truck and head out. The thunderous roar of my truck wasn't enough to keep me from my dark thoughts as I pushed it to its speed limits. He'd made it clear that I don't belong anywhere. I was worthless. I was no good for anyone.
Pulling to the side of the road it almost felt normal. I turned to my right to see the barely visible trail. I estimated that after about an hour or so hike I would have ended up in our meadow. I'd not been there since he'd left. It make perfect sense for me to end it there. He'd tainted my life to the point where now it was unliveable. If he did ever come back here I hope that our meadow would be tainted for him as well.
Breaking through the tree line the meadow remained exactly the same as it always had. The only difference was that the wild flowers had died off. Fitting to be honest, everything they touched or interacted with dies sooner or later. Now it was my turn…
Reluctantly I force myself further into the meadow to our spot. Sinking to my knees, my eyes sting as they well with tears. A sob escapes between my lips before I stop fighting it all together and let out a painful shriek. Had any humans been around they'd have thought an animal was dying…
Taking a steadying breath I pull out the knife I grabbed from the kitchen out my pocket before shedded the jacket I was wearing. I dug the blade into my arm, letting out a cry as the sharp metal sliced open my skin. It burning ever hotter as I dug the blade in, thick burgundy coloured streams seep out from where the knife was buried.
"No!" A high pitched female voice snarled before I felt cold air breeze past me and a cold stone yanks my hand with the knife away. Only for the cold stone to grip my neck, cutting off my air raising me from the ground. I blinked, only to realise I was staring at the fury filled eyes of the redheaded vampire, Victoria.
Her eyes darted to the open wound on my arm, hissing as her lips curled into a snarl, eyes growing dark with bloodlust. "Death would be too easy for you. It's a shame he left you here all alone."
"Pl- pl- Please" I managed to chock out. Her head tilted to the side, the twitch in her eyes betrayed whatever her original intention was. Now there was doubt? I couldn't bring myself to care. I didn't care how I died, bleeding out, sucked dry by a vampire either way death was certain. I just wanted it to be over.
Victoria held my gaze for what felt like hours before her lips twitched up into a smirk. A second later my neck was set ablaze in an all to familiar way, squeezing my eyes shut I could slowly making its way through my body. My hands dart up and paw at where the burning was coming from and I felt myself hit the ground, a dark musical chuckle hung over me.
This wasn't meant to happen. This can't be happening.
"Please!" I cried, opening my eyes to look up at Victoria with blurred vision, "Kill me." I wheezed out. Victoria let out another dark chuckle.
"The fun's only just beginning," She sneered before disappearing. I let out another scream as the venom made its way through me, clawing at my neck in hopes it would stop. This can't be happening. This isn't right.
I was meant to die, but not in this way. I'm not meant to be part of this world. Clenching my eyes shut again I feel the tears stream down my face as I surrender to the pain. Maybe if I give up the transformation won't work…
'Please,' I silently prayed to any Gods that where listening… 'Please just let me die.'
