Chapter 4

Laurey

Laurey rolled over, trying to avoid the sunlight streaming into her room. Aunt Eller usually woke her up early, but she'd let her sleep in the last few days, as though she knew that Laurey needed as much time away from reality as possible, that she simply couldn't go about her days like she had before.

That was the only luxury she'd granted her. Aunt Eller still made her do chores around the house and around the farm. She never talked about it, never shared any similar stories she might have, despite her constantly reminding Laurey that every woman had to go through some awful scare like that. Constantly implied that Laurey should be grateful that she was left unharmed and intact. As though she hadn't felt herself break into a million pieces she'd spend the rest of her life trying to put back together.

She struggled to sit up, and looked out the window, enveloped by a disquieting stillness. She threw on her robe and, finding the kitchen empty, went outside to see Aunt Eller churning butter, like everything was fine.

"Laurey, land's sake, what're you doin' outside in your—"

"Where's Jud?"

"Well, I—he's gone to Claremore. Should be back before dinner."

"No!" Laurey managed to yell, despite her sudden shortness of breath. "No, he—why'd you send him away?"

"Sent him to buy supplies; what's gotten into you?"

"You should've gone yourself. I don't—don't feel safe without him bein' here."

"Nothin's gonna happen to you, honey," her aunt said in an exasperated tone Laurey had become familiar with the last few days. "'Sides, you always used to like it better when he was gone, told me so yourself often enough."

"I was wrong, I didn't know what he was really like, I used to think…" her tears finally caught up with her and began flooding down her cheeks.

Wordlessly, Aunt Eller hurried her inside and put a cup of tea in her hands as soon as she was able.

"Laurey, baby, I understand that…after what happened, you'd want him nearby, but he can't be with you all the time. Soon you gotta get out and start livin' your life again. You gotta be—"

Laurey stared into her cup, her anger drowning out what Aunt Eller had to say. She didn't want to get out again, didn't want to leave the farm, and certainly didn't want Jud far away from her. If Aunt Eller couldn't understand that, she was being willfully ignorant. And besides, what right did she have to insult Jud all of a sudden? Back when people talked about how strange he was, Aunt Eller was the first to remind people of what a hard worker he was, how he'd gotten the farm making money in just one season. But of course once Jud rescued her, once he proved how good and brave he really was, Aunt Eller just had to be contrary and tell Laurey to stay away from him.

"Laurey" Aunt Eller's voice became harsh when she could tell she wasn't paying attention. "Laurey, I'm sorry, I hate to bring this up now of all times, but" she took a deep breath. "Do you remember when we first hired Jud? Remember what it was like?"

Laurey shrugged. She'd been so cocooned in her own pain at the recent deaths of her parents that she hardly remembered. "Little bit. Farm was in terrible shape. Thought we'd have to go to my mother's family in Boston if there was one more bad season."

"Didn't you—did you ever wonder why Jud was willin' to work here when we had hardly anythin' to pay him with?"

Laurey furrowed her eyebrows; she'd hardly cared about the farm at all back then, let alone the taciturn farmhand her aunt had just hired. Part of her had even wanted to go live in Boston and forget all about her parents' failed dreams of starting a farm in the Territory.

"Dunno. He's nicer'n he seems. Probably just didn't like to see two ladies in trouble, so was willin' to work for just a little bit of money." Laurey knew she had gone too far with that explanation. Even now she knew Jud probably wasn't that nice, but no one could afford to be in the Territory.

Aunt Eller scoffed, "No, Laurey. He agreed to work for so little because I agreed I wouldn't…ask around about his past I don't even know if Jud Fry's his real name, or anythin' about him before he showed up here."

"That don't mean anythin'. 'M sure Jud did nothin' wrong; people spread lies all the time. Some girl probably just got upset with him and started some rumor. 'Member a couple of years ago when Sarah Abrams said every handsome boy was inappropriate with her, just to scare the other girls off 'em?"

"That was just silly gossip; this is different. I've hired folks to work on the farm before, and no one ever asked me to do that. Folks don't work that cheap 'less they're a..."

"A what?"

Aunt Eller sighed, not wanting to say it. "A convict, or somethin' close."

"That's ridiculous. I can't believe that, I can't believe you'd believe somethin' so downright nasty about a feller just 'cause he's a little different."

"All I'm sayin' is I want you to be careful around him.

"All right" she agreed when she realized she couldn't talk any sense into her aunt. "I'm gonna go back upstairs."

"You sure? You just—"

"Yeah, I wanna read a little bit. Maybe uh" she reached for an activity her aunt would approve of "write a letter to Cousin Lissey."

"That's good. You send her my love, all right?"

"Yeah, of course." Laurey went back to her room and immediately lay back on her bed. She allowed herself a few moments of rest, then threw on some clothes, grabbed her stationery box, and wrote the easiest letter she could to her cousin in Boston, just so Aunt Eller wouldn't pester her about it. It was a letter a small child might have written, but she reasoned it didn't matter what Cousin Lissey thought of her simple sentences.

She signed her name, then lay back in bed. She thought about reading, but recently the words slipped past her eyes, completely meaningless. She briefly wished she had a Victrola player like Ado Annie, so she could listen and dance and hum along to something pretty. But that was just one of many things she wanted that she knew Aunt Eller wouldn't approve of—so many more important things to spend money on, after all.

She sat up with a jolt as she heard someone out in the field, footsteps she'd heard countless times before, footsteps she'd used to dread hearing under her window. She dashed downstairs and flew out the front door. Glancing around, she spotted Jud across the field, and ran at him until she pitched herself into his arms.

Arms wrapped around him, she pressed her head against his chest. She couldn't help herself, she needed the solid strength of his body against hers. He seemed impossibly muscular; the only person she hugged often was Aunt Eller, whose slight and bony frame offered a strange sort of comfort when she was blue, but nothing like that, nothing to compare with Jud. As long as she stayed in his arms, nothing bad could happen to her. After the initial ecstasy, she worried how he would respond—some men didn't like it when girls were bold like that, might find it alarming or inappropriate. Her fears were allayed, however, when she felt his arms around her.

"Hey there, darlin'"

'Darlin'? That was certainly new. She'd never been anyone's darlin' before, except maybe Curly when he was joking around with her.

"You all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah." She pulled away from him. "I just didn't know you'd be gone, and it" she blinked away the tears forming in her eyes "I just got a little scared, that's all."

"I'll just have to take you with me next time, all right?"

"I'd like that" she smiled, embarrassed by her outburst. "I oughta go back to the house, finish up a letter I was writin'."

"I'll see you at dinner, then?"

"Of course" she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her body still electrified from the feel of him pressed against her.