Title: "The Stillness Disintegration" - Chapter Five

Author's Note: I want to apologize for dropping off the face of the Earth & taking forever to post this. Please read the end note for more details, if you're interested. :)


One day after the last chapter ended

Amy sat on her couch with her heart in her throat. Sheldon had texted her and let her know that he would be at her apartment around 6pm. But she knew Sheldon. That meant he would show up at 6pm on the dot. It was 5:54pm and she was a nervous wreck.

She had spent the last twenty hours trying to figure out what his intentions were. She had even texted with Penny about it, but her blonde bestie had been surprisingly quiet on the subject.

Amy smoothed her hands over the material of her skirt. She hadn't known what to wear. Was she supposed to dress up for this? Or would it be better to just look like her normal self? She still wasn't sure, but she had ended up going with one of her normal outfits, albeit a nicer one. Her hair and makeup were done in her usual style.

God, she was anxious. Her heart was pounding. Her palms were sweating. Her stomach ached.

This felt like such a pivotal moment in her life. It was as though there were two paths in front of her and she didn't know which one fate would choose for her.

Her stomach lurched and she was trying to decide whether she needed to throw up when a triple knock rang through the apartment, startling her.

"Amy."

Knock, knock, knock.

"Amy."

She stood up, wiping her moist palms against the outside of her thighs.

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy," Sheldon called out for the third time.

Amy took a deep shuddering breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, before opening the door to see what fate had delivered her.

Sheldon stood in the hall, dressed in one of his nicer 'date night outfits,' holding a huge bouquet of all of her favorite flowers.

Amy's jaw dropped in surprise. Well, that's not what she had been expecting.

"Sheldon," she said breathlessly.

He held out the flowers.

"These are for me?" She asked softly.

He frowned. "Of course."

She swallowed and took them from his hands.

"Thank you." She lifted the flowers to her face and took a deep breath, taking in the sweet, slightly fruity smell of the freesia, and the lush, floral scent of the peonies. She smiled at all of the tiny white daisies peppered throughout the bouquet, their little faces turned up towards her.

Amy looked at Sheldon from beneath her lashes. "They're beautiful," she murmured, her mind racing as she tried to figure out what it meant that he had brought her flowers. "Come on in." She turned and walked towards her kitchen.

"Well, hey there, Murphy," Sheldon said after closing the door behind him, and Amy glanced over her shoulder to see that he had bent down to pet the fluffy cat. Murphy immediately started to purr.

Amy grabbed a vase from the cupboard and filled it with water. She pulled off the plastic around the flowers and rolled down the rubber band holding them together. She placed them in the vase and fluffed them a little, deciding she would spend some time later rearranging them to suit her.

She turned back to Sheldon and swallowed. He was still petting Murphy, talking to him quietly. Amy cleared her throat.

Sheldon glanced up, then smiled slightly, before straightening up to look at Amy standing several feet away.

"Can I get you anything?" Amy asked. "Water? Tea? Strawberry Quik?" She would never admit that she had run to the store that very morning to stock up on tea bags and Nesquik, just in case.

His lips curved further. "Maybe just some water for now, if that's okay."

"Sure. You can, um, have a seat, while I get it," she said and gestured towards the couch, inviting him in unlike the night before.

Amy turned back to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of glasses from the cupboard and filling them with cold water from the fridge. She heard Sheldon's footsteps shuffling towards the living room.

She turned around, finding him already sitting on the couch, and she made her way over to him, carrying the glasses. She handed one to him, then sat down on the opposite end of the couch, carefully keeping several inches of distance between them.

"This is a very nice place," Sheldon said, glancing around the room. "It suits you." He took a large pull of his water. "I like it." He placed his drink on a coaster left out on her coffee table.

"Thank you," she said softly, fidgeting with her own cup. She took a quick sip, then placed her glass next to his on the table, before rubbing her hands together to get rid of the chilly condensation.

"Amy..." "Sheldon..." They said at the same time.

They grinned at each other, then Amy said, "Go ahead."

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Last night, when I left, I told you I had something I needed to take care of."

Amy nodded, feeling her heart pound even harder, which she didn't think was even possible. She held her breath, waiting cautiously for his next words.

"I broke up with Vanessa."

Amy gasped, then immediately clamped her lips together tightly, her hands also squeezed firmly in her lap. She blinked at him, speechless. Her brain was working a million miles a minute, trying to figure out what that meant for them.

Hope sprung in her heart, warring with the guilt she felt over being the home wrecker she hadn't wanted to be.

"Why?" She finally asked quietly, her stomach twisting with nerves, as she searched his eyes for answers.

Sheldon held her gaze unwaveringly. "Because I'm not over you, either."

Amy's jaw dropped and her eyes filled with tears. He had finally answered the question she'd been wanting to know the answer to for over a year."Really?" She asked in disbelief, her lower lip trembling.

Sheldon smiled happily. "Really."

Amy couldn't help it— she immediately started to cry. She leaned forward, covering her face with her hands, nearly bent in half at the waist. She felt Sheldon's touch on her shoulder first, then his arm slid across her upper back as he pulled her towards him. She went willingly, burying her face in his chest, her hands gripping fistfuls of his shirt.

She couldn't fight the tears. She let them go, let them out, as she held on to him tightly. "Sheldon," she whimpered.

He wrapped his other arm around her abdomen and held her firmly against him, seemingly as desperate as she was.

"Shh," he whispered and patted her back. "It's all right now." His words were stilted, awkward, but he repeated them in her ear, over and over again, anyway.

After a few minutes, Amy felt herself calming down. She was drained, and so, so tired; all of the feelings from the past year having washed over her in a tidal wave over the last twenty-four hours.

Sheldon pulled back, wanting to see her face. "Why are you crying?" He asked, with concern in his eyes. "I had hoped you would be happy."

Amy sat back, no longer wrapped around him, but still sitting closer than before. She wiped at her cheeks and gave him a watery smile.

"I guess I am happy. I just..." She sighed shakily. "This last year has been... incredibly difficult."

He reached out to take one of her hands. "It has been for me, too," he admitted.

"Really?" She asked again, her eyes wide with surprise.

He nodded. "Yes."

"But you had Vanessa..." She murmured, trailing off. Why, oh why, do I keep bringing her up? Amy thought to herself silently.

"I... Hmm..." Sheldon trailed off. "It's hard for me to explain my relationship with her," he murmured. "I don't know how much you want to hear about it... Leonard says it's a faux pas to talk about your ex with a new... lady friend."

Amy smiled sadly. "Well, I'm not exactly new, am I?"

"No, but..." Sheldon squeezed her hand. "I can see that... this has been difficult for you. You've... lost so much weight. And you..." He winced. "You just seem... withdrawn. I don't want to hurt you, any more than I already have..."

"Oh, Sheldon." Amy grasped the hand holding hers with her free hand. "I think we've both hurt each other."

He nodded.

"Maybe it's time to clear the air. Put everything out on the table and then... figure out where we go from there?" Amy suggested, hoping against hope that there was a 'we.'

Sheldon took a deep breath. "Okay." He squeezed her fingers. "How do we start?"

Amy shrugged. "I don't really know." She swallowed. "Maybe, at the beginning?" She licked her lips nervously. "I realized last night, when we were dancing, that I had never really discussed with you why I asked for a break. I would like to explain that more to you now, if that's all right?"

Sheldon nodded again.

"I told you last night that sometimes I felt like an afterthought to you." She bit her lower lip. "I felt... like I put more of myself into our relationship than you did. And sometimes I felt... lost. Like... I wasn't able to be true to myself. I just... always did what you wanted. Always went along with your rules, at your pace. So, I needed some time to step back and figure out if our relationship was good for me."

"I know now... that you broke up with me because I pushed you," he replied. "I didn't give you time. But... you've had some time over the last year... Did you... figure out if our relationship was good for you?"

Amy sighed sadly and her eyes watered again. She knew she needed to be truthful and put herself on the line if she wanted this to go how she hoped. Her stomach constricted nervously. She was terrified to put herself out there, to take a chance and still get rejected. But it was time to be brave. She took a deep breath and tried to channel her inner Mabel. "I guess... what I realized is... that being alone... being without you... is much worse than feeling like an afterthought."

Sheldon swallowed and nodded slowly, contemplating her words. "I don't want you to feel that way again, though. If we... if we were to get back together at some point—" Amy's heart leapt. "I wouldn't want to... go back to the way things were. Because... you weren't happy." He frowned. "And I want you to be happy, with me, Amy."

Amy smiled through her tears, relief flooding through her. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Amy nodded and swiped a hand across her cheek. "Yes. I, um, I have realized over the last year that I... didn't give you a chance to fix things. I didn't tell you how I felt. I didn't let you know that I was... unhappy sometimes." She took a deep breath, then leapt off the metaphorical cliff, hoping he would catch her. "Maybe... if we do get back together, we can... make communication more of a priority."

Sheldon nodded his agreement. "Okay."

"Can I ask you something, though?" Amy asked nervously, fidgeting with the material of her skirt.

"Sure."

"Um, so... if you weren't over me, either, why did you date Vanessa?"

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Last year, in October, I overheard Raj and Howard talking about how you had secretly been going on dates with men from the internet without telling anyone."

Amy blushed furiously and looked down at her hands. "Oh."

"And then, ummm..." Sheldon hesitated so long that Amy looked back up at him to make sure he was okay. He blinked at her.

"Sheldon?"

"I saw you kissing another man," he mumbled so quickly she barely understood him, his gaze darting away from her.

"What? You saw..." Then Amy gasped and covered her mouth in horror. "Dave," she whispered, her eyes wide in shock. She had forgotten all about that one chaste kiss with the tall Englishman.

"I was coming over to your apartment to ask you... if we could get back together," he said nervously, his voice wavering slightly.

Tears welled up in her eyes again. "Sheldon..." She trailed off. She didn't know what to say. So much time had been wasted. Her chest ached with the loss.

"I was... hurt." Sheldon swallowed hard. "You know I don't... deal well with my emotions. Our break up was very distracting. And then seeing you kiss someone else... I couldn't get that image out of my head. I wasn't able to get any work done. So I thought... Well, I thought if I dated someone else, I could... focus on my work again. I know now that... it doesn't work like that. But at the time I thought it might help. I think I was... trying to fill the void you'd left behind." His voice ended on a whisper.

Amy met his troubled gaze, hurting for him. She could see how difficult it was for him to admit all of that to her.

"Oh, Sheldon," she murmured. She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands, her voice muffled when she spoke. "I only started dating again, because... you told me that you asked out two women in an attempt to move on." Amy sighed heavily and looked up at him sadly. "That... broke my heart," she whispered, with a slight shrug to her shoulders. "I didn't think you would be interested in dating anyone else, since it had taken you so long to be comfortable with the idea of... of dating me. So, when I found out you were, I... I lost all hope. I felt like... like I had never really mattered to you. That our whole relationship was a farce. So I signed up for a dating website, even though I... I wasn't really ready to date again."

Sheldon squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let out a tired sigh. "We really did a number on each other, didn't we?" He asked and opened his eyes to meet her gaze again.

She reached out with a shaky hand to squeeze one of his. "It seems that way."

"I only asked out those women because I had been drinking and the guys told me that it might help me to move on." Sheldon snorted. "No wonder I usually don't listen to them." He squeezed her hand. "The first woman I asked out was random. She was the first woman I spotted, as she was sitting across the room from me. She wasn't very bright. When I realized that, I asked out the woman sitting next to her... which happened to be her married grandmother."

A quick grin flashed over Amy's face and she lifted her free hand to cover her smile. "Oh." She couldn't help it, she chuckled. Here, all this time, she'd been heartbroken over him asking out two women, and one of them was a grandma. She shook her head in disbelief and amusement.

Sheldon shrugged. "I was still a little drunk when I saw you in the hallway." He sighed. "Maybe if I hadn't been... I wouldn't have told you about asking those women out. I don't know why I did. Maybe I... maybe I wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me." His voice was low and sounded pained to Amy's ears.

A tear slipped down her cheek and she reached up to brush it away, her heart aching at all the damage they had caused each other. "So then... you went searching for a better candidate," she said quietly.

Sheldon sighed and nodded his head in confirmation. "Yes. Like I said, I had hoped it would help me focus on my work again. And... well, I also hoped maybe it would... help me get over you, distract me from the... from the pain. I asked Howard and Raj for help since they had managed to find you the first time."

"And then there was Vanessa."

Sheldon nodded. "Yes. I almost made her leave that night. She missed the deadline by nineteen seconds. But the guys talked me into asking her out. I thought..." Sheldon frowned. "Well, I'm not proud to admit this, but at first, I decided to date her as an experiment."

"Sheldon!" Amy admonished him.

He ducked his head and winced. "I told myself I would only give it two months, that way I would have time to practice being a better boyfriend, but I wouldn't really be stringing her along. My intention was never to hurt her, but… by the end of those two months, you had seemingly fallen off the face of the Earth. I was so confused... and I had grown to like Vanessa. I didn't… love her, but she was… someone who was there, but didn't know anything about you, or our group, and I could just… be away from it all, with her. She became a very good friend to me. And then, the longer you were gone, the more I hoped... and tried to be interested in her romantically, but... being with her was never anywhere near as good as being with you."

Amy gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Tears filled her eyes and instantly spilled over. She was speechless. She couldn't believe he was admitting all of this. Who is this man and what has he done with Sheldon?

"Maybe that makes me an awful person, for staying with her for so long, and leading her on, but... it's more complicated than that. I felt... well..." Sheldon leaned forward. "Do you remember how the week we broke up, Leonard and Penny were also in a fight?" He asked rather abruptly, his voice low and serious.

Amy nodded. "Of course."

"The night you broke up with me, I went to Penny's apartment to bring her tea. I expected that we would drink it together while discussing our woes, but that's not what happened. She told me that you thought I was a bad boyfriend."

"Oh." Her tears flowed a little faster as she processed this information. She had never used those exact words, 'bad boyfriend,' to describe him to Penny, but she supposed that's exactly how Penny would see it. Maybe it was exactly how she herself had seen it, seen him…

"I'm so sorry, I—" Amy stopped, studying his face. She could see the pain written in the furrowed lines around his eyes. She didn't know what else to say. She was frozen, her brain tripping over itself, as she struggled to find the words. Some words. Any words to explain to him why she had felt that way.

But Sheldon continued on. "I was… greatly affected by what Penny had said. The first thing I realized was this was something you had been planning. Something you had been discussing with your girlfriends. And I had no idea."

Amy sobbed suddenly, startling them both. "I'm so sorry," she whispered again. So much sorrow.

Sheldon carried on quickly, almost as though he needed to get it all out before he lost his nerve."I felt betrayed. By Penny and by you. I was angry at Penny for keeping it from me. I thought she was my friend, too. If she had just told me, warned me that you felt that way, I could have tried to fix it. Instead, she was encouraging you to go through with it. Not only did I lose my girlfriend, I also lost a friend," he said darkly.

"Sheldon, I don't think Penny—"

He held up a hand to stop her. "Please... I need to finish. Or else... I might not be able to. And I need you to understand..."

Amy bit her lower lip and nodded, wiping her wet cheeks quickly with her hands. Sheldon reached for a tissue on the coffee table and handed it to Amy.

"Thanks," she murmured as she mopped at her face.

He hesitated, then continued in a low, soft voice. "And I was angry at you, because… you never gave me a chance. Nobody ever gave me the chance to fix it. I didn't even know anything was wrong. I thought things had been going so well for us." His voice was hoarse and pained, almost like he wanted to cry.

Guilt flowed through her and Amy leaned back against the couch, one arm coming up to cover her wet eyes. Her other arm was strewn across her stomach, almost as if she needed to anchor herself down or hold herself for comfort.

"Amy," he begged. "Please don't cry. You know how nervous it makes me." He squeezed her knee with his left hand and leaned towards her and the back of the couch, his right arm resting close to her head.

"I screwed everything up!" She wailed, guilt and shame overwhelming her.

Sheldon panicked. "No, no, no… You didn't. Because I've learned something over the last year," he said urgently. "My experiment was a success, really. I figured out how I was a bad boyfriend to you."

"No, Sheldon—"

He held up his hand to stop her. "I've learned, Amy. That's the point. When I was with Vanessa, I let her take the lead as much as I could withstand. And when I did something to upset her, I made her explain it to me in terms I could understand. I opened myself up to her, so I could learn. I studied her. I know it's wrong, and it wasn't… like that the whole time, I just…" He shook his head guiltily and frowned. "This is difficult."

Amy could see that he was struggling with his feelings for Vanessa, and with telling her about them.

"Tell me." She stared into his blue eyes, giving him permission to say what he needed to say, regardless of how it might make her feel. He had already admitted that he didn't feel the same way about Vanessa as he felt about her. She could handle everything else.

"I did care about her. I do care about her. I just... don't love her. And I never meant to hurt her." His brows were furrowed with guilt and sorrow.

"I know you didn't," Amy murmured.

His eyebrows rose in surprise as he met her gaze again. "You do?"

"Yes. You were sad and you were hurt and you were lonely. Of course you needed someone to be there for you," she reassured him.

"But who did you have?" He asked, his voice thick with emotion, as he searched her eyes for the answer.

Amy smiled. "Mabel and Murphy."

Sheldon's lips curved slightly. "You really care for her."

Amy nodded. "I do. She's family now."

Sheldon nodded, actually understanding that, how friends could become family. He'd found that in Leonard. He'd once thought he found it in Penny, too.

He squeezed Amy's knee. "What I'm trying to say is… The reason that I started dating Vanessa, was to learn how to be a good boyfriend. I was always hoping that... you and I were going to reconcile. I wanted to figure out what I had done wrong, so whenever we did get back together, I could do things right. But then, somewhere along the way, you disappeared, and I started to care for Vanessa... So... I stayed with her."

Amy's voice wavered as she asked, "Do you still want to be with her?" She had to know for sure. "I don't... I don't want to be the reason you broke up. I never meant for this to happ—"

"Amy." He lifted his hand from her knee to cup her cheek, before stroking his thumb across her cheekbone. "The only reason I dated her in the first place was because I wanted to be a better boyfriend to you. When you… disappeared, I thought… Well, I thought you were truly over me. That's why, when we ran into each other again, I asked you so many questions and pushed you so hard to talk to me. I needed to know for sure that you were over me. It was… my way of closing the door on that chapter of my life." He smiled slightly and stroked her skin again. "What I didn't expect was for you to say you weren't."

A tear slid down Amy's cheek and landed on his thumb. "I am so glad you didn't close the door on our chapter," she dared to whisper.

Sheldon slowly leaned forward and Amy lost her breath. He was so close she could see his eyelashes brushing against the tops of his cheeks, just before his lips pressed against her cheekbone, kissing the trail from her tear away. She shivered beneath him, then reached up, cupping her hand around his wrist to hold him against her. He leaned his forehead against hers, their breath mingling in the air between them.

"Amy?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered, surprising her.

Butterflies swooped in her stomach. "Please." Her voice shook in anticipation and maybe a little bit of desperation. She wanted nothing more than to feel his warm lips pressed against her own.

That one word was all the encouragement Sheldon needed and he pressed his lips lightly against hers. She sighed softly through her nose and pressed back, her lips slanting under his.

And for just a moment, the world stood still.

Amy felt as though her body were erupting into flames. Tingles started where their lips met and raced all throughout her body, zipping along her spine and settling low in the pit of her stomach. She was warm all over. She trembled and her hand tightened on his wrist as he deepened their kiss, their mouths open and hungry, moving over each others.

Their kiss was everything she didn't know she needed. It was redemption and sorrow; an apology passed back and forth between the two of them. It was healing and arousing and God, she had missed this, missed him, so much. She wanted to cry some more. He still loves me, she thought. He's always loved me.

Amy pulled away abruptly as a sob escaped her lips.

"Amy?"

She wound her arms around his neck, burying her face in the warm skin there. "Sorry," she mumbled against him. She shuddered, trying to choke back another sob. She was happy, relieved, but also grieving for all of the time they had lost and all of the pain they had caused each other.

"What's wrong?" He tried to pull back to look at her face, but she held him too tightly. "Amy…"

"Did you sleep with her?" Amy whispered suddenly, surprised by her own question. She hadn't meant to ask it. Not today. She didn't want to ruin this, but apparently, her mouth had a mind of its own.

Sheldon pulled back, stronger this time, forcing her to look up at him. He stared down into her watery eyes intensely.

"No," he answered honestly, his voice strong and sure.

Amy's face crumpled in relief. "But you…" She paused, silently screaming at herself to shut up. "You kissed her?"

Sheldon sighed and ran his hands down Amy's arms. "I did."

"I saw you hold hands when you left the bookstore."

Sheldon nodded. "Yes. I… I told you I was trying to be a better boyfriend."

"Why…" She swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. "Why didn't you try… with me?"

Sheldon hung his head. "I would have. If you had let me. But you started seeing other people and I was hurt and angry and confused. And I guess, I wanted to hurt you, too," he admitted quietly. "But that's not why I… kissed her. I… I guess, I just… let her kiss me. She was much more forward than you were. And I… well, I allowed it, to a certain extent, because I thought that was part of the reason you broke up with me. And I wanted to do better. Be a better boyfriend. Not to Vanessa… just… better, in general. I... I hadn't given up hope that maybe someday..." He rambled and looked back up at her with anxious eyes. "I don't want… you to leave… again."

"Oh, Sheldon." This time she cupped his cheeks in her hands. "I don't know what the future holds… for us. But I do know that I… I love you," she whispered, her voice shaking with fear. "And I think I always will. I tried, so hard, over the last year to get over you, but I didn't come anywhere close."

Sheldon turned his head to kiss her palm. When he turned back, he reached up to press her hand tighter to his cheek. "I love you, too."

Amy smiled widely and this time, a happy tear ran down her cheek. "Yeah?"

Sheldon nodded. "Yes," he replied without hesitation.

She leaned into him quickly, pressing her lips to his again. He responded immediately, gently pushing her back against the couch as he hovered over her. They poured their hearts into the kiss, giving each other reassurance and love, exchanging silent apologies for all of the hurt they had caused each other.

Suddenly, Sheldon pulled back and looked down at her seriously. "Wait... Did you... do anything more than kiss with anyone?"

Amy shook her head quickly. "No. The kiss you saw with Dave was the only one. I, uh, I haven't tried dating since the beginning of the year. I kind of... gave up, when I realized I was never going to get over you," she admitted, feeling more and more bold as their conversation progressed. His honesty gave her the courage to be honest as well.

"Amy." He smiled, then leaned forward to briefly kiss her again. "I actually came here with the intention of asking you out on a date."

Amy smiled softly. "Oh?" She asked and dared to ruffle her fingers through his hair. She had always wanted to. It was soft and silky between her fingers. He just looked at her curiously, but allowed it.

"But... I've changed my mind."

Amy's fingers froze in his hair and her jaw dropped, confused by the sudden turn of events. "Wha-what?" She stared up at him with wide, worried eyes.

"I mean, I do want to take you out on a date," he hurried to reassure her. "I just... I feel like we've lost so much time. I don't want to waste any more. What I truly want is for you to be my girlfriend again," he admitted seriously, then rushed to continue. "If you're not ready for that yet, I understand. I'll wait." She could see the fear in his eyes. It helped soothe her own nerves, knowing he was just as worried and afraid as she was.

"I really want that, too," she answered without hesitation. She knew that there was still a lot of work to do on their relationship, but she loved him, and he still loved her. Penny was right... they were meant to be. The rest would work itself out.

Sheldon grinned. "Good."

"There's nothing I want more," she said honestly. It was everything she had been wishing and hoping for over the last year.

His smile widened. "I feel the same."

Amy grinned back at him. "Good." She let out a chuckle. "I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen today, when you came here, but it wasn't this."

"No?" He asked and wound a strand of her hair around his finger.

She shook her head gently with a soft smile on her lips. "No. But I'm glad it did."

He returned her smile. "Me too."

Amy's smiled turned into a frown as she ran her hand down Sheldon's shoulder and upper arm. "I'm sorry about Vanessa," she murmured.

Sheldon winced, then swallowed hard. "Yeah." He sighed. "I feel terrible for the way I... used her. I hope she'll forgive me some day."

Amy squeezed his arm comfortingly. "I never wanted to break up the two of you. I mean, I... I was hoping you would break up, but I didn't want to be the reason for it. That's why... I avoided answering your questions."

Sheldon shook his head, running his fingers up to cup the side of her head, lightly scratching her scalp. Amy hummed and leaned into his hand.

"No, Amy. It's not your fault. It's mine. I should never have let it go on this long, but I was... lonely."

"And I was gone. You didn't know when or if you'd see me again." Amy paused, biting her lower lip. "Maybe eventually… you would have loved her," Amy murmured.

Sheldon shook his head firmly, before cupping her cheek again. "There's no one else for me, but you." He paused. "I've known that for a long time," he admitted. "Since before we broke up."

"You have?" She whispered in surprise, emotion clogging her voice.

"Of course. And I promise that from now on, you'll never doubt that again."

"Sheldon." Another tear slipped down her cheek and she reached up to wipe it away, but he beat her to it, catching it with his thumb. He rubbed the moisture away gently.

"Please... no more tears. I hate to see you cry, especially because of me."

Amy nodded and blinked rapidly, trying to shove the tears away. "I'm okay. Just... happy." She smiled brightly. "I've been waiting for this day for so long."

"Me too." He leaned closer to her. Her eyes slipped closed when his lips met hers again. He hummed into her mouth, his hands roaming down to her shoulders to pull her closer to him. She went, sighing softly through her nose as she snuggled into his chest.

Sheldon broke their kiss, only to trail his lips across her cheek and to her ear. He placed a sweet, gentle kiss to her ear lobe and she shivered at the new sensation.

"Oh," she breathed. He ran his nose down the side of her neck, then pressed his lips to the hollow of her throat. She clutched his t-shirt at his sides, her skin tingling everywhere he touched.

Suddenly, she realized he was whispering quietly against her skin. "Love you. Missed you."

Her heart thumped wildly in her chest and she ran her hands over him, reaching up to cup the back of his neck and hold him to her. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was afraid she might wake up and find that it was all a dream.

Her fingers tightened slightly on the back of his neck before she ran them through the soft hair there, trying to feel him and convince herself that this moment was real.

"I missed you, too," she finally whispered when she could find her voice again.

He brought his lips back to hers. "So much," he murmured, and his breath hitched when her fingers found his earlobe. She traced the shell of his ear and it was his turn to shudder.

"Amy." Her name on his lips was a benediction, a promise for their future.

"Sheldon," she promised back, tightening her hold on him.

He trembled in her arms. "Please don't leave again. I..." His voice cracked. "I don't know if I would survive it again."

She pulled him in for a tight hug, cradling him against her. "Shhh," she murmured, running her hands down his back. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

They spent the rest of the evening curled up together on the couch, talking and cuddling, exchanging kisses and laughter. It wasn't perfect, this thing they had together, but it was extraordinary. Their love ran deep and true and even though they'd hurt each other, the scars were fading with each passing moment. They didn't know exactly what the future would hold, but they knew everything would be all right, because they were together again.

Everything was right in the universe once more.


Amy sat at her laptop, re-reading her email to Mabel before she sent it.

Dear Mabel,

You'll never believe what happened.

I went to Penny's banquet, like you instructed. It was... Well, it was rather painful, actually. I didn't flirt with anyone. Not Sheldon. Not a stranger. However, I did accept Sheldon's invitation to dance.

While we were dancing, he asked me if I was over him. I couldn't respond. I was too afraid to tell him the truth, especially since I knew he was still with Vanessa. I ran away. I went home, but he followed me.

He asked me again if I was over him and that time I was honest and told him the truth— that no, I am not over him. The look on his face was one of such relief, but he told me he had to go and he left. I was so confused, but it turns out he went to go break up with Vanessa. He's been waiting for me this whole time.

Before he left, he asked if he could come back the next evening to finish our conversation. I agreed (of course) and we had a long, wonderful talk. He was so open and honest with me. He's different now... but in the best way.

We ended up reconciling and getting back together. (Is it too soon? Too fast? Or am I worried about nothing? It just happened so naturally. It felt right.)

I am so happy, but still a little nervous about the future. I know things won't be perfect, but I think we can accomplish anything if we work together.

I will come visit you soon to tell you the full story and give you all the details. Then, maybe the visit after that, I can bring Sheldon. I told him what a wonderful friend you've been to me over the last several months. He's looking forward to meeting you.

Well, I better go, Murphy's yelling for his dinner and you know how impatient that little rascal can be. I hope you are doing well! I'll call you soon to set up a visit.

With love,

Amy

Amy pressed send, then smiled happily, before pushing back from the desk to go feed her best furry friend.


End Note: This is going to be a really long end note. Probably the longest one I've ever written. Feel free to skip it if you don't care why it took me so long to get this chapter posted. :)

Life has been... insane lately. Here's some of what's been happening since I posted the last chapter.

-My oldest turned nine and we had a birthday party for her.

-My kids went back to school. (And God, do I despise homework. I think I hate it more as a parent than I did as a student.)

-Fall sports started and all three of my kids are doing one. (Cheer, dance, and soccer.) This takes up 4-5 nights of our week, depending on when their practices are.

-We have been going through a lot with our house post-fire. We had to make some decisions and talk to the insurance company. (They're being jerks about it, of course. Would you expect anything less from an insurance company?) It looks like we are basically going to start all over with a rebuild. We still have our basement/foundation, but everything up from that is going to get replaced basically. Unfortunately, most of the organizing of all of this is going to fall on my husband which means I'm going to have to step up on the parenthood side and do the large majority of child-rearing. Luckily, living with my parents, they can help out... But it's still a lot. There's a lot of decisions to be made going forward. I am not looking forward to it. We just built our house 6-7 years ago and now we have to go back and make all the decisions over again. (Siding, roof, doors, windows, floors, fixtures, etc.) And it takes my husband away from me and our kids. But it has to be done, anyway.

-We went on a week long vacation to the beach. It was actually quite awful because:

-All of us are struggling with our mental health. All of my kids. Me. My husband. My mom. I'm pretty sure we all have some version of PTSD, anxiety, and/or depression over the whole thing. I'm working on getting us all into therapy. So, needless to say, our vacation was far from relaxing. My kids are not adjusting well to all the changes we've had to go through recently and vacation was just... more change. It was too stimulating.

-And last, but not least… I was very excited about this story, but the response hasn't been what I expected. And that's okay, I realize that my ideas and writing won't be for everyone all the time. I guess it just knocked me down a peg. Bruised my confidence. So I'm probably going to change up how I post things from now on. In the future, I probably won't start sharing a story until I've finished it in its entirety. That way I hopefully won't leave you hanging again.

Also, I am behind on reading reviews. I stopped reading them after the first couple of reviews for Chapter 4 came in, because I was already so confused and unsure how I was going to finish this story. Now that I finally have this last chapter posted, I'll go back and read and respond to all of the previous reviews.

Once again, I'm sorry for the delay. I've just been so overwhelmed by life. I hope you enjoyed the conclusion to this story. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me thinks it turned out way better than I hoped and the other part of me thinks it's terrible and cheesy, like I was trying too hard. I'm sure I probably didn't fix everything that everyone wanted, but I hope it's enough. Let me know your thoughts! :)