Hello again Casketeers! So our lovelies are getting back on track but there's still a small elephant in the cabin, named Josh… Just how will the Castle's wrangle that particular animal? (I still don't know, so let's find out together!)

Thank you to all who have stuck with me as this story progresses - especially since I'm still figuring it out myself! I truly appreciate everyone who said 'keep it going' even though the last chapter was kind of a good stopping point. ;) As you wish my readers… here's Chapter 8 of Moments of Always!

MWAH! Xoxo &

KTCLF,

-adcg


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Moments of Always

Chapter 8: That Moment When...


"Are you hungry?" Rick somehow managed to pull his lips away from hers. Neither of them had apparently realized just how many kisses they had missed between the visit with Dr. Ange and this impromptu coming-to-Jesus chat. It was a wonder they were somehow still standing, fully clothed, in the cabin's living room.

"Pastrami and peanut butter?" Kate asked, making Rick roll his eyes toward the ceiling and shake his head.

"You know, there was a time, not too long ago, that you would've said you were hungry for me," he stood up a little straighter with the gentle stroke to his own ego.

"Well of course I'm hungry for you," Kate rested her forearms on his shoulders, "but, you know, B.C. and I do require a little extra sustenance these days. She's a growing girl, Daddy. Which, by the way, reminds me…" Kate pulled her top lip inwards between her teeth and hesitated.

"What?" Rick drew the word out with a slight warning tone.

"In the middle of our chaos…I may have told Alexis that she's having a sister," she cringed, waiting for his reaction.

Her husband sighed somewhat loudly. "And Mother?" He assumed.

Kate shook her head quickly. "No, no, Martha still doesn't know. Castle, it was really sweet. The two of them made cupcakes and put vanilla icing on top. They had bottles of pink and blue sprinkles all ready for us to do our gender reveal. But then I walked in without you and started crying and," she caught her breath and blew it out with puffed cheeks, "I wasn't quite sure which way I was going."

"I'm sorry about that," Rick nodded and used a hand to smooth over her cheek before bending to place a kiss on it. "We should've been celebrating, but I really couldn't think straight."

"I know," Kate put a finger to his lips to gently shush him. "I know and it's okay, and we're going to celebrate. We will," she nodded strongly and looked into his eyes to get her point across.

"How did Alexis react?" He wondered as he let his mind wander to the more positive thoughts.

"I think she's happy," Kate supplied. "In all of her supportiveness and mothering both of us through the past couple of months, I think the fact that she's going to have a younger sibling is finally sinking in with her. And to know she's going to have a little sister - Rick, we are beyond blessed to have Alexis. You know that, right?"

Rick grinned at her. He loved hearing his wife talk about his daughter…his firstborn daughter…as though Alexis were her own. "I do know that. And I'm really glad she was home with you yesterday."

"Me too. And again this morning when I got up and you had left again. I didn't like waking up without you. But Alexis kind of hit the nail on the head and I realize it now. She said my cardiologist choice was probably just a minor issue in the scheme of things. She said it was probably more the idea of something happening to me or the baby that scared you more than Josh." She was very happy that her husband didn't tense up this time…with the mention of their scenario.

Rick sighed, took another second to kiss her lips yet again, and then joined his hand with Kate's to go sit on the couch. He began to realize that he hadn't even gotten the nickel tour of the full cabin yet, but obviously Kate - well, they - needed to have this discussion.

When they each were seated they turned to face one another and Castle made a point to continue to hold her hand. "We touched on that, yeah," he paused to take a breath. "I love you more than life itself, Katherine Beckett Castle. I fell in love with you long before you were shot at Roy's funeral. But that was the first time in my life that I truly felt the need to tell a woman that I loved them and knew what it meant. As I held you on the ground it was like I got hit by a train. There was nothing I could do except tell you how I felt. That one little grain inside my head said that maybe, if you knew I loved you, it would give you some ounce of strength to survive."

Kate sat calmly, listening to his explanation and appreciating the gentle way their connected hands also seemed to be conveying Rick's feelings.

"I hate thinking about that day," he continued. "I hate remembering that it took such an awful twist like that to make me confess those feelings. And I hate the idea…even the thought…that after just these few years, I could lose you again. This is not what having a baby is supposed to be about," he stressed.

She squeezed his hand and smiled softly at Rick as he took a breath and calmed himself. "I was overwhelmed in Dr. Ange's office. The high of seeing our baby girl and then suddenly I was right back there in that lowest pit and in that moment, I couldn't even find a middle ground. Kate, I had to just get out of there to breathe and think."

They stared at each other as Rick attempted to get his thoughts together. "Looking at you made me think of potentially losing you. You'd think I'd want to soak in every second, drink you in like I was dying of thirst. But I guess I was truly terrified, yet again, that you were going to leave me and I somehow had to come to terms with that."

Kated noticed the sheen of tears forming in his eyes. "Did the whiskey help?" she wondered aloud without any malice to her words.

Rick blinked, taking her question with the simplicity that she offered it, "It always does. I just couldn't share any with you this time. Sure, here, let me offer my pregnant wife - who might die in labor - some shots of whiskey to just help that process along," his sarcasm was beyond noticeable. "I needed space and quiet to sort out my own thoughts…to form some actual thoughts besides the doom and gloom kind of thing. The liquor was just a crutch that was in the bottom drawer."

Kate bent her head and brought his hand up to her lips. "Were you able to? Put some thoughts together, I mean?"

"At first, no," Rick shook his head. "When I dropped you off… Hell Kate, I don't even remember dropping you off…I was a dick about that wasn't I?" He watched her shake her head. "I couldn't put a sentence together. I got to the office and went straight for the bottom drawer and then I stared out the window. I just blanked out for hours because I couldn't stand to think of anything that was going through my head when I walked out of the doctors office."

"Why did you come home last night and then just leave again?" Kate ventured to ask.

He didn't hesitate with an answer. "Because when I finally did allow myself to think about what Dr. Ange said, and how I reacted, I needed to see that you were alright. You know I had been drinking. I really didn't plan on coming home. I was just gonna stay at the office. But you needed me," he reached for his phone from his back pocket and paused, thinking about the texts that they exchanged and how his inebriated mind had just added to his uncertainty about the future with the two people in front of him now.

He swallowed to moisten his throat and looked at her, patiently watching him. "You were supposed to be in bed asleep. I was just going to come in, peek in on you and watch you sleep for a few minutes. I decided I'd crash on the couch because I thought seeing you would calm me down and settle my mind and heart. Then maybe I'd get up and fix you breakfast this morning and we could try to talk about this."

"More like I, or Alexis, would've found you asleep on the couch and fixed you a bloody mary to battle your hangover," she attempted to joke.

Rick just tilted his head without a smile and Kate pressed her lips together telling him to continue. "But then?" She pressed.

"You weren't asleep. You forced me to come to bed with you…" he attempted.

"Forced you?" Kate pulled back a moment with a questioning look.

"You are damn bossy when you know I'm somewhat drunk," his eyebrows creased. "I love that about you, you know."

This time Kate tilted her head. In no way had she forced him to do anything. But if he wanted to play out this story in his head like that, so be it…

Rick continued quickly before she could negate his thoughts. "And wrapping you up in my arms… I laid there awake for nearly an hour while you slept. I would get comfortable and then my brain would remind me that you were pregnant with my baby and that both of your lives could be in danger…because of me…again."

"Rick -" Kate attempted.

"I saw Dr. Burke earlier today," Rick admitted, blurting it out before she could chastise his negativity.

"What?" she was a little more than surprised.

"Our therapist?" Rick said, "When I got back to the office and my mind cleared somewhat, I decided I needed help and I didn't know where else to turn. So he fit me in."

Kate bit on her bottom lip. "I thought about calling him, too. But I had Alexis to lean on. Did he offer any advice?"

Rick nodded slowly. "He first thought maybe something else had smacked me from the time I was missing. But I told him this was more about your shooting. He was intrigued and wondered if something had happened to cause flashbacks or some residual effects." Rick breathed in, remembering his session.

"I told him it wasn't you well, at least not yet, with the residual effects, but me kind of going over the edge worrying about things yet to come. He got this weird grin on his face when I told him about the baby," Rick thought back to the slightly amusing moment. "Then he kind of grounded himself - I asked him if I was missing something…I kind of wondered if maybe you had called him. But he said he was just remembering some of your sessions, as you were trying to get back on the job…trying to get us back on track…well, before there was an actual us, I guess…" he paused, recalling that interaction with the counselor. "He's not allowed to share any of that with me, of course, but he said he's not surprised that we're adding to our family, and wished us the best."

"Okay…" she waited for the rest of this story.

"The rest of the session was him guiding me back to the positives. I'm not a death and doom pessimistic kind of guy, you know? I'll probably chat with him again a few times in the coming months. But," Rick took a deep breath, leaned forward and tapped his index finger against his lips wanting a kiss from his wife. And with their foreheads pressed together he finished his thought, "...for now… We're gonna have a little girl, Kate? I cannot wait to watch you be a mom. You're gonna be amazing…extraordinary…"

Kate blushed at his words but then smiled. "I don't know about that," she digressed, "But I want to try. And I want us to gripe about dirty diapers and argue about 3AM feedings and go for walks in the park." She sat up straighter, looked into Rick's face and her eyes brightened. "You know that picture you have of you and Alexis walking in the park, holding hands? How old was she there?"

Rick smiled at her and enjoyed the glow that was returning to his gorgeous wife. "How'd you know about that picture? I keep that in my desk drawer," he asked curiously.

"I was working at your desk one day and went looking for a highlighter. I opened the drawer and saw that picture," Kate admitted. "I probably stared at it for half an hour, Rick. That was a while back, before we got pregnant. But I remember thinking about there being another picture like that, with a dark-haired little girl," she smiled at the memory.

Rick soaked in that idea and thought about the picture of him and Alexis. "I think she was four. It was after preschool one day. Mother took that picture of us," he recalled the picture that was now two decades old. "Alexis was so busy telling me some story from school, I had no idea Mother was following behind us."

"I want a picture of the three of us like that," Kate jumped back in. "I want to walk in the park with this little girl and let us both hold her hands. I want to swing her between us while she's telling us about her day at preschool and just be so oblivious to everything around us that we only focus on her."

Rick's smile widened. He nodded and tugged on Kate's hands until she had to practically crawl across the couch cushions and flop belly first into his lap. They both laughed as she adjusted herself enough that she was sitting in his lap, legs stretched across his thighs with her face turned toward his.

"I like that idea very much," Rick nodded. "And I think we can have an entire album full of pictures like that. But the thought of all that walking is making me hungry. So I ask again, are you hungry?"

Kate sat still for a moment, taking the time to stare into her husband's eyes. There was still a lot they needed to discuss; a lot she needed to share with him. But, in this moment, she was content - no, thrilled - to be back in his arms.

She leaned in slowly and tilted her head just enough to place a firm kiss against his lips. She pulled back and pressed her lips together before running a thumb over the corner of his mouth.

"I'm hungry for you," she stole his suggestion without a smile or a laugh and Rick understood her completely.

He urged her to stand from his lap and followed suit, taking her face into his hands and initiating the kiss they both truly needed. "I was hoping you'd say that," his lips quirked to one side as he felt her hands begin to wander over his chest. "Does this place have a bedroom?" He watched as her eyes darkened.

"Several," she answered a bit bluntly, followed by, "Where do you want to start?"

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Kate's phone had rang after they had practically chased each other from the guest bedroom on the 2nd floor into the master bedroom. At the sound of a random ringtone chiming from somewhere on the 1st floor, Kate had frozen with the thought that only one of two people would likely be calling her right now.

"What is it?" Rick lay beneath her across the bed, both of them scantily clad as clothes had been discarded from one room to the next as they got reacquainted.

"My phone," she turned her head toward the door. "It's probably just Dad, making sure we got here and got inside. I always have problems with that lock."

"Or," Rick put his hands on her thighs to keep her from escaping, "it's Josh," he inserted.

Kate pressed her lips together, looked down into her husband's face and then bent forward until she could meet his mouth for another kiss.

She sat back up slowly and slid her body off of Castle's then pulled him up to sit beside her on the bed. "You heard me on the phone when you got home this afternoon?"

He nodded.

"I should've talked to you first before calling him, I know," she leaned over and placed a kiss on Rick's bare shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure…"

Rick nodded. "It's okay. Just, if we're going to have a face to face meeting with the man, I would prefer you have more clothing on," he joked sarcastically.

"Castle, he's seen me without my clothes," she squinted her eyes in his direction until Rick put a hand in the air.

"Nope," he shook his head and closed his own eyes. "No man has seen you in your full naked glory except me, your husband." His statement was to the point with no room for discussion but Kate chuckled.

"Is that so?" she asked out loud and Rick took a deep breath.

"I say so," he nodded. "Other than the fact that this particular man has had his hands inside your chest…couple of other surgeons have had that privilege as well. But there is no way he knows your body like I do."

Kate smiled at her husband. "No other man has gotten me pregnant…matter of fact, I'm pretty fond of having unsafe sex with you," she winked at him and watched as Rick digested that information. She expected him to look almost smug but instead he smiled at her sweetly.

"I'm honored," he said with heartfelt truth. "And I cannot wait to share this baby-raising fun with you," he grinned. "But on that note, should you check your phone?"

Kate breathed in for a second in thought. "If you're uncomfortable with Josh, I'll ask him for another recommendation. I could find out if Dr. Kovacs is available. Ultimately he's the one who put me back together, actually."

Rick turned on his side as he thought about what she was saying. "Medically speaking, yeah…" he agreed, "but Josh was the one who took care of you, right? I mean sure you followed up with Dr. Kovacs but wasn't Josh…here…with you when you came home from the hospital?"

Kate ducked her head. That fact was pretty much common knowledge. Yes, Josh was at her bedside when she went home from the hospital and the moment Kate's father suggested that she recuperate at the cabin, Josh had insisted on coming along.

Kate recalled Jim Beckett rolling his eyes only slightly because the idea of having Dr. Davidson at his daughter's beck and call wasn't a bad idea considering the trauma she was going through. And so, he had somewhat easily, given in to that idea.

"You can't keep lying to him, Katie…or to yourself for that matter. And it has nothing to do with your jobs. You keep saying his travel is a concern for you but don't we all know that's just covering up the real issue?" Jim Beckett sat at the small kitchen table talking to his daughter, amazed at her medical progress, but knowing much of it was due to the attention she was getting from her personal cardiologist who was tending to her far beyond office visits.

"I don't know what you mean, Dad," the look on Kate's face hadn't changed from the time she was a pre-teen, feigning innocence with her father.

Nor had Jim's fatherly look, although he rarely used that these days with his adult daughter. "You do know what I mean," he stated. "Katie, you aren't in love with Josh. You're in love with the man who told you that he loved you when he was holding you on the ground. The same man that is still kicking himself because Josh blamed him for your shooting in the first place."

"Dad!" Kate raised her voice but couldn't look him in the eye.

"I know I'm not your mom when it comes to matters of the heart, but wouldn't she tell you that it will hurt more in the long run if you don't face these feelings now? I know you care deeply about Josh and I can tell he has similar feelings for you. But after all our time here together over the past few weeks, isn't it time to face the truth?" Jim was proud that he was staying calm. Apparently he was channeling his inner Johanna Beckett through this time of helping his daughter heal in multiple ways.

"Wait," Kate paused, finally hearing some of her father's words. "Josh blamed Castle for my shooting? Why would he do that?" Kate did look back into her father's eyes, making Jim glance down at his hands on the table. (Okay, maybe Johanna would've handled that line a little differently…)

"That's not my point here, Sweetheart," Jim attempted.

"No, no," don't try to turn this around," Kate felt the upper hand at least momentarily. "When did they even see each other?" she wondered.

Jim stayed quiet hoping she might just work past this in her flutter of thoughts.

"Dad?" Kate pressed. "Other than in the hospital when Castle came to visit me and Josh was there, when did they see each other?"

Jim shrugged one shoulder as he fidgeted with his thumbnail and flashed back to the confrontation at the hospital while Kate was in surgery.

"Josh had just handed off to the other heart surgeon," Jim started. "I arrived in the waiting room just as he came out and confronted Rick. Josh pushed Rick and told him the shooting was his fault because he had pushed you to start looking at Johanna's case again."

Kate stood from the table, not sure what to do with that information and then grimaced as the quick movement pulled on her still-healing scars. "What did Castle do?" Kate pressed her lips together and asked the question as she felt her skin prickling like a threatened animal.

"He may have tried to push back but he was caught off guard. And his mother and daughter jumped in the middle of things, pulling him back. I told them I wouldn't stand for their behavior while you were fighting for your life." He shook his head and finally looked up at his daughter.

"It wasn't Castle's fault," Kate said softly and sat back down at the table.

"He absorbed it though, Katie. After Josh's outburst, Rick deflated. He went back to the precinct with Javier and Kevin to try and find the son of a bitch who did this to you." Jim took a deep breath needing to cleanse himself of the aftermath they were still living through.

"Is this why you've been kind of stand-off'ish with Josh this whole time?" Kate's dad had never been overly friendly with any of her boyfriends, but even she had felt an extra tension in the air with the cardiologist.

Jim blinked as he thought about how to answer that question. "I've seen that the two of you are closer than other guys you've introduced me to. Josh is impressive and I'm very happy that he's taken his time to be here at the cabin with us - with you - to help you recuperate."

"But?" Kate pressed.

"No but's," Jim fibbed simply because he had already opened a can of worms that were far from being wrangled in this conversation.

"But you don't think he's the man I should be with," Kate began to bring their chat full circle.

"He's not the man you love," Jim said again, quietly, this time almost boyishly, because his daughter knew he was correct.

Rick watched her running the thoughts through her head. "Kate?" he prodded gently.

She pulled her hair away from her eyes and smiled at him. "Yeah," she nodded, "yes, Josh was here with me and dad. Dad wasn't going to let me far from his sight and it didn't matter who I was with."

Rick lay there another minute looking at his wife. "This is why we came up here, isn't it?" He finally ventured to ask and watched as she pulled one of the pillows onto her lap and nodded slowly.

"It's not that big of a deal," she began. "I think we're through the hardest part…getting our feelings out in the open and back on track. Why is communication such a struggle for us at the times we need it most?"

Rick smiled knowingly, "We're getting a lot better at it. At least this time you didn't move out of the loft and I didn't stay pouty for days on end."

"Well now we're married and you got me pregnant," Kate poked, "we'd better keep working on it."

Castle laughed but then returned to the small elephant in the room, "What's not that big of deal?" He asked.

Kate bit on her bottom lip, "You hate thinking about the day I was shot. I hate thinking about that and the aftermath of it. And I know there are parts of my recuperation that I haven't shared with you. These last two days have made me regret that. And when Alexis and I were talking earlier today it made me realize…speaking of communication…that I wanna tell you about that time. I want you to know what was going through my mind while I was recuperating, and ultimately, why I broke up with Josh."


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Afterthoughts… I've got a chunk of a potential, final chapter written for this story but I am still trying to put together more of the in-between parts. Wish me luck. And as I always say, your reviews feed my muse so if you have any thoughts, feel free to share them me!

I truly appreciate all the feedback you've offered and cannot wait to hear more from you. Again, thanks for sticking with me to see just where these moments will take us!

KTCLF!

-adcg