Warning: Heads up! Upcoming chapters include purging and references to purging. They also include depictions and references to anorexia. You've been warned.
It's crazy (that someone could change me)
In all honesty, Helga could go a few days without seeing Arnold. She already lost her temper and although it wasn't as bad as it once was- involving Old Betsy and the Five Avengers-she still stormed out on him in the middle of the cafeteria.
And the school gossip, Rhonda spread a rumor they were "on the rocks" whatever that crap meant.
She hardly said two words to him in their next class and frankly wasn't planning on doing so anytime soon. After she brushed her teeth at the nurse's office she didn't go looking for the boy or Phoebe. Although she loved that football-headed dork, she still was annoyed he called her out for not eating. Annoyed that he was practically forcing her to eat. Between him, Phoebe, and now Olga- Helga needed a plan and she needed one stat.
She couldn't tolerate any more meddling. She practically busted at the seams after Arnold forced her to eat that pudding.
"Are you heading to detention?"
"What's it look like?"
"Helga I'm trying to talk to you and your nasty attitude is making it difficult."
"My attitude? Have you seen yourself lately? You practically forced me to eat that pudding in the middle of the cafeteria and you didn't even apologize. You told me you wouldn't meddle anymore!"
"I'm not trying to meddle. I'm just trying to help, Helga. What Nurse Shelley said about eating is important. You're my girlfriend, I didn't want to see you get sick in front of me again like the other day."
"That's not why I wasn't feeling well." Helga stubbornly insisted. She could feel her stomach start to burn again.
Arnold loved her spunk and fierceness but he loved it less when it was directed at him. Sure, her take-no-prisoners attitude was amusing and downright adorable at times, he found when the two were at odds with each other, it just made things harder between them.
All the hours he'd spent proving to the girl it was okay to be soft and sweet and kind like he knew she was deep down sometimes felt it was in vain when she showed a nastier side towards him.
"Why then? What's going on?"
Helga bit her tongue and slammed her locker shut. "I need to go. Later Football head." She felt betrayed more than anything. She needed to get out of there and needed a distraction from her stomach burning even more.
Arnold sighed and walked out of the school alone feeling more frustrated with Helga than earlier today.
Helga rounded the corner to the detention room and threw her books on the desk. She rolled her eyes as she saw Sid and Stinky there too. Moving to the back of the room Helga sat in her seat with her hand on her chin, clearly unimpressed by her peers and the detention.
"There will be no talking and no eating in this classroom. You are here not because you won a vacation but because you were a delinquent. Face forward and do not talk. If you behave, you will leave early. If not, you will be here through the end of detention."
'This bites,' she thought. Helga rolled her eyes but kept quiet. This was the part she hated. Doing nothing. How was that supposed to teach her a lesson on conduct? Wouldn't the opposite be more conducive?
This was Phoebe's fault.
After 25 minutes or what felt like an eternity of staring straight ahead, Helga sighed under her breath, as she felt her stomach begin to burn even more. She did her best to ignore it, but five minutes later she raised her hand and practically begged the teacher to let her use the bathroom.
Of course, the bathroom would do very little for her but she'd still be able to get away from the stuffy classroom. Away from all those lame brains and that boring teacher.
"May I please use the bathroom? I think I'm going to be sick."
The teacher unamused held up a pass. "Be back in 5 minutes."
Helga took a deep breath and took the pass. "Thank you." She raced out of the classroom.
"Boy Sid, do you she's sick on a count of Arnold breaking up with her?" He whispered to Sid, his friend sitting across from him in quiet contemplation.
Finally, he said, "Nah. It's Helga G. Pataki. She's colder than that." Sid whispered back. "I bet she has a new target anyway."
Stinky sat back in his chair in silence.
Helga ran into the bathroom and when she was sure no one else was in the room she screamed out in anger. Today was one of the worst days she had had in a while and being stuck in the crappy room with little ventilation was doing little to lift her mood or her nerves.
She already was hurting from throwing up earlier and now she was on edge from her conversation with Arnold. Not to mention her freaking stomach wouldn't calm down. Her eventual showdown with Olga (when she left this crapstick) and whenever she saw Phoebe next reminded her of her freakout.
And it didn't even begin to cover dinner. Morning would come and then it would be breakfast, then noon would come next and it would be lunch, and evening would come and dinner would be there before she could blink. As far as Helga was concerned this was never going to end.
Arnold would eventually get sick of her (like he was starting to), Phoebe would wise up and Gerald, well, he would just go on as he had been. His and Helga's relationship was distant and it wasn't likely to change anytime soon. Especially with her recent fights with Phoebe in the last few days.
She had no one.
She threw herself against the wall a few times, vainly punching the brick walls that made up half of the wall. After a few more hits and kicks she pushed herself off and dusted her dress and jacket off. She rubbed her cold hands together as she took the pass in her hand and made her way back to detention.
She could do this. She could be on her own.
She did it before so many times. It just sucked that knowing her luck when she finally got the boy of her dreams and a life she could sort of not hate, it all would come crashing down around her.
And it wasn't like she had any redeemable traits to keep Arnold's love. She was brash, mean, loud, and selfish. A complete 180 from him. She was ugly on the outside and the inside.
She already tried to be like Lila to disastrous lengths and when she tried to be herself, it just seemed to make things worse between them. She gets flustered and in turn frustrated and then angry towards the boy and they'd argue.
"You were gone for 10 minutes. That's 10 more minutes extra of detention." The teacher announced when Helga finally made her re-entrance.
"You've got to be kidding me." Helga balked. She threw the pass on the desk and walked to her seat. "This blows."
A few students laughed at her outburst.
"Excuse me? What did you say?" The teacher glared at her.
Helga thought, 'This. blows. This detention STINKS. You have us sitting here packed in like sardines like we're jailbirds ready to break out. How is this teaching us a lesson?'
Helga instead said, "Nothing." She turned back around and walked to her seat in quietness. When she passed Sid and Stinky they laughed. She glared at them but said nothing. The last thing she needed was another detention or worse suspension for losing her temper during detention. That's what got her there in the first place, not to mention dealing with Phoebe in the aggressive manner she did.
Smoothing down her dress she sat down in the chair and waited out her time. Eventually, she'd be forced to leave and deal with Olga and the rest of the Pataki's.
Joy.
"Baby sister!"
Speak of the devil.
"I've got homework. Bye." Helga ran past Olga up the stairs. She was not in the mood for more of Olga's 20 questions. It wasn't a lie per se, she did have homework which she finished in the last half of detention.
Helga closed the door to her room and locked it. She ran to her bed and flopped on it putting her head in her pillow. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
Helga opened her eyes when she heard her phone beep. Grumbling she got up and made her way to her backpack, still sleepy.
She picked up her phone and accepted the call.
"What?" She answered harshly.
"Hi, Helga." Her sweet boyfriend greeted her.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" 'What a question'. Helga thought to herself.
"Why are you calling me asking if I'm okay, football head? Thought you didn't care how I felt."
"Helga, I'm calling because I wanted to apologize to you. I haven't been fair towards you."
"No kidding."
"But you also haven't been fair to me. We both should be honest with each other and respect each other's differences. We'll never get closer if we continue to disrespect each other."
Helga sighed. "Yeah." She moved to sit on her bed. "I know. Arnold I.."
"Yes, Helga?"
"..I haven't been the most honest with you.."
"Okay. About what?"
"About..my eat-"
"Helga! Dinner!" Olga screamed out from the bottom of the staircase.
"Sounds like you have to go to dinner. Do you want to talk after?"
"Sure, fo-I mean Arnold." Helga cleared her throat.
"Talk to you later Arnoldo." She tried again.
Helga could hear his smile, "Have a good dinner, Helga."
"Yeah, I'll try not to barf." She hung up the phone and sighed. Arnold didn't know how much she wanted to throw up right then and there.
Throwing the phone on her desk, she made her way downstairs. She didn't want to leave their conversation but knew it was probably for the best that Arnold didn't hear her finish her sentence. She wanted nothing more than, to be honest with her boyfriend, but at what price?
If he did find out about her not eating and why she didn't want to, he wouldn't want her anymore. And if he didn't want to be with her..no one else would.
She would be alone and worthless.
She gulped as she walked to the living room, smelling whatever dinner Olga had whipped up. She heard her parents laughing and joking like a happy little family.
Was all this Olga's influence?
"Helga! Come sit next to me baby sister." Helga obeyed only because the seats around the table not next to Olga were taken by Bob and Miriam. If she had her way she would have said her stomach ached and that she needed to lie down.
But Arnold would find out if she didn't go to dinner through Olga. It seemed to her best efforts, that Olga and Arnold were in contact and there was nothing she could do about it.
"I made chicken a la king, roasted broccoli with garlic and biscuits. Daddy, you first." Olga sat down at the food, gesturing to her dad.
"Mmm, this smells great. Thank you, Olga!" Bob praised their oldest on another fantastic job done.
"Yeah, this looks amazing Olga. Well done." Miriam complimented the girl. Helga rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She watched as Olga instead of allowing her to serve herself food, served it for her. She heaped a big helping of the dish on her plate and a couple of biscuits.
"Olga, that's too much. I can't eat all of that."
"Sure you can. You didn't have breakfast or lunch today baby sister. Your little boyfriend told me."
'Arnold.' Helga growled. "I did eat he's just daft-headed sometimes. His head's always in the clouds. Look, I'm serious. I can't eat all of this. It's not possible."
Helga anxiously stared at the food. It didn't help when Bob chimed in again.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing, Dad." She threw it back at the man. Helga took her fork and took a tentative bit, chewing slowly. Olga's eyes were like a hawk's as she served herself some food.
Helga tried desperately to contain herself and hold in her anxiousness. She tried to think about things that brought her joy like Arnold, and spending time with him. She reminded herself that she needed to finish her conversation with the boy but the positive would be hearing his voice. It was one of her favorite things about him on an ever-growing list.
Thinking about kissing Arnold always made her melt even when she was angry with him. He had that effect on her. He made her feel giddy and so young at times, with his kind eyes and sweet smile, and soft hands rubbing against hers. She continued to chew on the chicken in her mouth, only stopping to swallow. She took another bite and compromised with herself to take five bites and then announced that she needed to leave the table.
After her fifth bite, Helga resolved to announce she needed to leave the table. "I'm not feeling so good. I'm going to go lie down. I don't think my stomach can take anything else. The food was great, Olga. Thank you."
She barely could gather herself to compliment Olga but if it would get her out of the chair and upstairs, she'd do it as much as she needed to.
"Your stomach's bothering you again, baby sister? Maybe Mommy should take you to the doctor and they can find out what's causing it to hurt so much."
"Yeah, I don't think that's necessary. I just need to lie down. There's been a lot going on at school." Helga lied.
She needed to get away from the food that was sitting on the table.
Miriam looked over at the girl warily, "Feel better honey."
Helga nodded and braced herself as she made her way up the stairs. She closed her door behind her with a click and raced over to her cell phone. Picking it up, she called Arnold, waiting with bated breath for the boy to pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Well, well well, Benedict Arnold. Bet you didn't think I'd find out you talked to my sister. Are you crazy?"
"Helga, I'm not crazy. I spoke to Olga when she called me to ask if you had been eating earlier today. I wasn't going to lie to her not when someone in your family cares enough to reach out."
"Pfft, well, because of you I had to sit at dinner with a plate practically piled high to the ceiling. Thanks, Benedict!"
"Stop calling me that. And maybe eating more at dinner isn't a bad thing. Maybe it'll make your stomach feel better."
"My stomach is fine. I'm not going to keep repeating myself so listen up: You do not talk to my sister about me again."
"You know your threats aren't going to stop me from caring about you. Not when I know who you are behind all of that hostility. I'm not giving up on you, Helga. Even if you've given up on yourself. I love you."
"Geez Football head, you can't just say things like that and then throw in an 'I love you.'"
"I don't like when people I care about feel bad."
Helga blushed and practically spluttered at the revelation that Arnold did care for her. "Look hairboy, if this relationship is going to work I need you to keep your mouth shut around Olga. The girl is driving me nuts."
"I'll consider that if you'd consider eating more and taking better care of yourself."
"Fine, bucko. I'll make sure to eat and you'll make sure you keep your lips shut around Olga. If she asks you if I ate, you tell her it's none of her business." Helga thought about both times she forced herself to vomit. She felt relief. But she'd never tell Arnold that.
"Helga-"
"I'm serious Arnoldo. I can't take her meddling anymore. It's been a few days and I already want to get rid of her. This week can't go by fast enough! I need space."
"Have you told her that?"
"No. Because she's Olga. She'll just make it about herself."
"You don't know that for sure if you don't tell her how you feel."
"Arnoldo, just do me a favor and keep quiet when she asks you about me, Okay? Eventually, she'll stop. Besides - how did she get your number?"
"I don't know. I thought she got it from you."
"Why would I ever give her my boyfriend's phone number? This is Olga we're talking about."
"Helga I don't think it matters anymore. Do you?"
"The woman is trying to ruin my life. It matters, football head."
"I think you're being a little dramatic here. She's not trying to ruin your life, Helga. She loves you."
"Yeah, and I love root canals!"
Arnold sighed. "Did you at least enjoy dinner? He had to change the subject.
"It was fine." And that was the truth considering she only had a few bites of dinner.
"Well, I'm glad. Is your stomach okay?" Helga refused to bring up the fact that her stomach was still burning.
"Why? What did Olga say?" Helga whispered. She looked around as though Olga could hear her conversation.
"Nothing. She didn't say anything about your stomach. I asked because I know yesterday it was burning. Does it still burn?"
"No." Helga lied. It was burning right now.
"Helga." Arnold wasn't joking around.
"What?"
"You know you can tell me anything right?" He started.
"Yes, Arnold," Helga replied without hesitation.
"So you'd tell me if your stomach was hurting, right? Even if it was hurting earlier."
"What are you going on about, Football head?"
"I don't think you're being honest with me, Helga. I think your stomach's been hurting because you're not eating enough."
Helga opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times. "Well, that's stupid, football head. My stomach is fine and I'm fine."
"If you're being honest with me, then I guess I have no reason not to believe you."
"Yeah. You should trust me. The same way I'm supposed to trust you."
"I do trust you, Helga. I just worry about you. I know you don't like to share things that could make you look weak. But I hope you know I love you 'weak' or not. You don't always have to be strong."
"Yeah, thanks." Helga cleared her throat. Not ready to have that conversation. "I guess I don't need to ask about the rumor going around by Princess? Sick of me, Arnoldo?"
"No. We're very much together. Unless you don't want to be?"
"Football head, what do you think? Doi!"
"I'll handle it. I'll talk to her tomorrow."
"If you need backup, just let me know."
"Helga, I'm not threatening Rhonda."
"You won't be but iI-"
"Will also not be threatening Rhonda."
"Fine. But if she starts something, I'm finishing it."
"Whatever you say, Helga. I'm looking forward to spending time with you on Saturday."
"Yeah, me too."
"I forgot to ask earlier, but how was detention?"
"Terrible. I practically died of boredom. We got a different teacher today and they were treating us like jailbirds. Criminy."
"Well you have one more day and then it's done."
"I can't wait for it to be over. Walking home alone after isn't as fun football head."
Arnold smiled, "I miss walking you home you too."
The two talked on the phone for another twenty minutes before Arnold had to go. Helga closed her phone and placed it on her desk. Pulling out her locket from the desk, she plopped on her bed and sighed staring at the photo of her beloved.
Maybe life didn't have to suck this much.
A/N: So maybe there are actual people reading this story. Thank you! Even if you don't say anything, I appreciate the read/view. Sometimes it feels like I'm posting this into the void but it's good to know I'm not. I am about 52 chapters in on AO3 of this fic, so if you get tired of waiting for updates here, the fic is on AO3.
Thanks so much for the support! Every view means a lot to me.
