"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
CH 2 Never doubt I love
Surrounded by others in the turbolift, Jack couldn't help but mentally retreat and focus on the doors that would be opening at any second as they reached the bridge. The side of his face where the cranial implant had been, throbbed painfully with every heartbeat as his anxiety rises with every second the turbo lift brings them closer to the bridge. His palms are clammy and it takes all he has to keep his breathing even and avoid visibly shaking surrounded as he is by his father and a clutch of Starfleet legends.
Part of him feels like an errant schoolboy being escorted to the headteacher's office. Which in some way, he supposes he is, given it apparently takes three people to take him back to his mother. Any other time, Jack would feel mortified at the implication, but for now Jack can't help but endlessly repeat his last words to his mother on the Titan in his head, remembering her screams as he turned his back on her, in his head he can hear her begging him not to confront the Borg Queen and feels a mix of shame and horror that makes his eyes water and bile rise in his throat.
Jacky boy, you should have listened to old Mum there, his brain sarcastically provided as the turbolift came to a smooth stop. Next to him, his father looks over Jack, his expression one of sombre understanding as he reaches out to clap Jack's shoulder in reassurance. "Time to face the music" Jean-Luc sighs, his eyebrows arching as the unmistakable hiss of the doors herald their arrival. With a silent nod, the admiral steps out first, and Jack steels himself to follow and reunite with his mother.
Swallowing heavily as he stepped out of the turbolift, Jack's gut twists at seeing the wave of relief that passes over his mother's face as she rushes towards them and doesn't fail to catch the second where she hesitates as she sees the exoskeleton of Vox. Jack can't help but feel almost faint from the realisation of what he has allowed to be done to him and he can barely look Beverly in the eye as she pulls him into her arms with a barely disguised sniffle as she fights back tears.
It hurts, it hurts to see his own mother flinch from him and what his foolishness has wrought, not only for him but for others too and he clings to her. His hubris has been his undoing and people are dead because of him. With hindsight, Jack finds his own behaviour completely inexplicable. He remembers how he felt back in the corridor on the Titan, the desperate need for control when he felt powerless, betrayed and completely blind to how he was being manipulated into place like a piece on a chess board.
Part of him expects rejection. That once his mother sees him as Vox, she'll cast him out. There is a distance between Jack and Beverly that neither has experienced before. They had always been close, but now, at least to Jack, their bond feels damaged. After the initial relief of seeing his mother again on the bridge of the Enterprise and sinking into her embrace comes a new wave of shame as he feels her shaking as she reluctantly let's go. Jean-Luc, who had been respectfully hanging back, steps forward to stand by his side again. His parents are looking at him like fragile glass as he stands awkwardly between them, shuffling on his feet wondering what on earth he could possibly say. Instead, breaking the tension, his father speaks, voice thick with emotion, holding Jack close.
"Welcome to the Enterprise."
"The Enterprise-D, to be specific," his mother helpfully supplied, her mouth quirking with an indulgent smile at the admiral.
It's like a dam has burst as Jack's brain falters briefly as he takes in his father's words. "This? This is the Enterprise-D?"Jack asked incredulously, in spite of himself, looking at both his parents, "I thought she was destroyed?"
"Turns out, she's had a second lease on life thanks to Geordie," Beverly responded with a watery smile, clapping a hand on her son's shoulder. "There's a whole lotta history on this ship," she said archly, raising a knowing eyebrow at Jean-Luc.
"Oh yes, many memories and stories to tell. Some of them are more forgiving than others," Jean-Luc chuckled warmly, and Jack couldn't help but think this was the most relaxed the admiral had been in the week he'd known him. Being back on the Enterprise-D means the admiral is on his home territory. It explains why, intuitively, the ship felt familiar while walking through its corridors. Talking about the ship is a safe topic for now. The pain of the past week will wait. They can share this while the emotional wounds start to knit back together.
It feels poignant and bittersweet that the ship his parents served on came to his rescue and the feeling of unease that has dogged him since the transport room starts to finally ebb as he settles into just listening in while his parents talk.
Despite everything that's happened, it feels comfortable and reassuring to see his parents bantering with each other, and Jack lets himself sink into it for a while. It's almost like pulling a comfort blanket around him, insulating him from the pain of what has happened and what he's done. Neither his brain nor body seemed to be up for any intense conversation, and truth be told, he was a bit reluctant to interact with the others on the bridge given the past 24 hours. Instead, he takes a breath, a lifetime of anxiety and dread starting to dissipate as he feels a new sense of belonging and sinks into the feeling of being part of a family.
At Jack's side, Jean-Luc looked around at his former crew, and it felt like he saw them with new eyes. They had each gravitated towards their own family units now that they were all safe and the worst had passed. The visual presence of his two daughters appeared to have reassured Geordi, and he looked to have finally let out a breath he had been holding since the Titan. It was a sobering moment, Jean-Luc could see starkly for the first time that he had remained static and unchanged while his crew had grown and changed in their lives.
Jean-Luc furtively glances back at Jack, who still looked wan but dutifully listened to his mother as she regaled him with a story about his brother Wesley and his time on the Enterprise-D. Listening to mother and son is a startling reminder that, without realising it, Jean-Luc is part of a family, with all that it entails. Jack hadn't been wrong in his assessment while on the Titan; no one Jean-Luc had known on the Enterprise was the same person they had been under his command.
They had all moved on; they were mothers, fathers, and much more than just "his" officers on a starship. They had grown while he had remained static without realising that was what he was doing, clinging as he had to the ideals of duty and service.
A younger Jean-Luc would have been terrified at all this, of fatherhood, and trying to be the father he wished he had had. Now, he finds a sense of peace and contentment at something he had secretly yearned for but thought lost has found its way to him. Jean-Luc was no longer their captain, and it was time to focus his energy and remaining days on the son he thought he would never have.
It feels right.
In the corner of his vision, Jean-Luc could see Deanna disengaging from Will, and for a fleeting moment, he caught her eye, her face breaking into a knowing smile as she watched Jack reach out to both his parents to pull them in for a hug. Whereas once he would have been reluctant to be so public in showing affection. Jean-Luc lets himself be pulled in. As Deanna observed, wordless recognition and understanding passed between them as both remembered a conversation in the Amargosa system rooted in sorrow and loss. It's a small gesture of deep emotion, but it means the world to Jean-Luc, and to those who know the man behind the legend, they know how deeply he feels underneath his polished exterior. It only lasts a moment before it melts away,
It didn't take long for Jean-Luc to sense that Jack's effort at putting a brave face on for his mother and him was starting to waver, as he watched his son grimace and unconsciously clutch at his abdomen where the Borg tubules had previously been attached. Beverly's smile melted away as she sensed Jack's discomfort, her eyes looking over at her son with barely disguised concern. "All ok?" Her hand rests reassuringly on his shoulder and imperceptibly to anyone looking on he leans into her touch.
It doesn't last and Jack's face darkens, while his expression turns evasive again and he struggles to look either of his parents in the eye. "Listen, is there somewhere else we can go?" Jack asked softly, nervously shifting on his feet while his eyes looked furtively at the viewing screen. "I feel like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb here," Jack huffed, his lips thinning, as his head jerked downwards towards the thick plates of the Borg exoskeleton. "Not exactly inconspicuous, am I?"
Both Beverly and Jean-Luc uneasily glanced at each other. For a moment, it had been easy to fall into the comfort of nostalgia that the old Enterprise evoked, but Jack was still encased in the Borg exoskeleton, and there was a risk that others may not take well to the sight of someone more visibly Borg walking around on a Federation vessel. Along with that, there were some practical considerations to address before Jack was visible to people outside of their small circle of trust. There was no telling how high emotions would be running in the wake of the bloodbath that had just ensued across the Sol system.
Jack swallowed heavily, his eyes flickering to the others on the bridge while carefully trying to avoid direct eye contact with pretty much everyone, he could make out Seven eyeing him curiously, her chin raised in quiet appraisal and what looked like understanding. Jack's willing to hazard a guess that Seven gets it. At least to some degree. That doesn't mean he feels comfortable standing around in a clearly Borg get-up while Starfleet is dusting itself down from the worst bloody nose it's had since the Dominion War. He feels exposed, and his instincts tell him this is not a good time to be complacent about what has happened. Instinctively, he feels a need to retreat and lick his wounds. "Does the ship have a functional sickbay," Jack asked, his voice subdued. "Lay low for a bit and try and get this off?"
"It does, but..." Beverly trails off pensively, her eyes scanning the bridge, leaning forward against the tactical control panel, her fingers nervously tapping a tattoo against the edge of the black glass. "We also need to start thinking about the logistics of removing all this" Beverly's hand waved in the direction of Jack's torso and the Borg suit while she chewed her lip. "It's easier to say than do, but the sooner we start the removal process, the better your body will be able to cope and regain its own functions."
"Well! Doesn't that sound cheery!" Jack mutters under his breath as his face darkened. The fearful widening of his eyes made it clear what he thought of that. Beverly murmured under her breath., her hand reaching up to cup her son's face "We'll take care of you." Beverly's voice thickens and her eyes darted towards Jean-Luc who had been noticeably quiet. "We'll get through it together."
Jean-Luc nodded in affirmation. "Your mother knows what she's doing. There is no better person for the task that lies ahead of us." Beverly turned to him, her eyes watery, while Jack felt the guilt rise up again at the pain he had caused. Jean-Luc kept his expression tightly controlled before gently directing mother and son in the direction of the turbolift. "I think that's our cue to make a quiet exit?"
"Yes," Beverly managed, shaking herself slightly and gripping her arms in a bid to compose herself and Jack fell in line as they moved to exit the bridge. As Jean-Luc issued the command to head to sickbay he caught the eye of Will who had been quietly watching as their small family left.
As the turbolift doors closed, those who remained on the bridge turned to look at each other.
"Think they'll be alright?" Geordi asked, looking up as Deanna and Riker joined the others near the helm.
Riker nodded as Deanna slipped under his arm, curling into his side as his hand moved to
rub her shoulder comfortingly.
"Give 'em time," he responded. "Give 'em time."
The walk to sickbay from the turbolift is short. Walking a few steps ahead, Beverly reaches the doors first and pauses as her hand reaches out to run over the old sickbay sign on the doors as she approaches the entry panel. "Computer, activate sickbay systems, command code, Crusher-2-2-Beta-Charlie."
The doors unlock and spring open, with the faint emergency lights smoothly coming back to life as they peered into the darkened room. "Computer, lights," Beverly said sharply while beckoning both men to follow her to the sickbay, her head looking around and appraising what equipment was present while the room activated. "I'm afraid this process is going to take more equipment than you'll find in your average sickbay." Beverly sighed as they crossed the threshold, Jean-Luc and Jack following in her wake as she spun on her feet to face them. Around them, the panels continued to activate and come to life.
"We're lucky that Geordi has such attention to detail and this was a labour of love. I doubt anyone else would have kept a functional sick bay on a museum piece otherwise." Beverly continues as she casts off her jacket and starts to roll her sleeves.
Jean-Luc's gaze alternates carefully between her and Jack, and he seems immune, or at least is giving a good impression he is free of the memories this room invokes given that their son is now one who has been assimilated. Jack, however, looks like he is trying to memorise every detail of the Sickbay. He looks more at ease here than he was on the bridge, curiosity overriding his fear as he runs a hand over an old plaque on the bulkhead detailing the names of the senior officers who ran the Enterprise's sick bay- Aszensi, Ogawa, Mitchell- then at the top in thick letters is his mother's name and he lets his fingers run the cool metal. Silently, both Jean-luc and Beverly watch him as he tears himself away, Jack's eyes linger over everything before coming back to focus on his parents.
Feeling like he is being handled with kid gloves, Jack swallows thickly. "So what comes next? How do I get all this?" He waves a hand vaguely in the air over his body, biting his lip. "Out of me. Off me." Jack was often one for bravado, but Beverly could hear the underlying fear there, and for a second, in Beverly's eyes, her son seemed impossibly young.
With a sigh, Beverly purses her lips, then lets the doctor part of her take the reins and tries to shut away the maternal side of her nature. "We'll need to do some more intensive scans, get an idea of what modifications have been made, and then after that..." Beverly exhales deeply and claps her hands off her legs nervously. "Most likely, surgery, blood, and plasma transfusions. We just... have to take it as it comes."
"It's over quicker than you think." Jean-Luc's voice is gruff, and his arms are folded over his chest as he listens intently. "I know it's frightening, but you are in the best hands."
"Well, it's not like I'm awash with any other options, is there?" Jack feels resigned and horrified at what the next few days and weeks are likely to entail, and he inwardly curses himself again for being so stupid for thinking he could take on a Borg Queen. Beverly's lips are bitten raw, and her eyes are anxious as she dashes her son's hopes for a quick fix and watches his face fall as she responds. "I'm afraid not. I wish there was another way too." It feels cruel, but at the same time, she isn't capable of lying to her son, even if it isn't the news she knows Jack is desperate to hear.
Jack's expression is resigned and he feels a need to comfort his mother who looks like she might break at any moment. "It's alright. I did this to myself. Makes sense there's no easy way out of this." Jean-Luc and Beverly look at each other before opting to busy themselves with getting started with what needs to be done to free Jack from the Borg suit.
There is no medical team here, and there isn't time for idle spectators, so the admiral is put to work and dutifully follows every command and instruction he is given. For about 30 minutes, Jack stands obediently, despite his discomfort, and lets his mother scan him in every way possible while she has Jean-Luc take notes as she goes.
Focusing on what needs to be done helps Beverly keep her emotions in check. It always has. Her fingers have a white knuckle grip on a medical tricorder. She can't afford to fall apart just yet, she has a job to do and she has always been more emotional and impulsive when it comes to her second son's welfare.
While she works, she catches sight of Jack looking at her in a barely recognisable mix of emotions. Fear, shame, and sadness all in one confusing vortex. She can tell that Jack is unnerved by her uncharacteristic silence and that there is an uneasiness in the air. Beverly is careful to shield her emotions, which isn't a natural state for her. She has always spoken her mind, freely and with acceptance of the consequences. She had never been secretive, never had reason to be.
There is only one exception to that rule, and it's always been Jack.
After a lifetime of loss, it felt like she was owed one by the universe, and she had fought to keep Jack close to her. It took a lot to rationalise falling off the edge of the galaxy and cutting all ties to protect her son. Their close bond had kept them going through thick and thin, but they never had to endure a test such as this. With everything she now knows, Beverly feels a sense of failure that's hard to shake off whenever she sees her son's bruised face and his body infected by Borg implants.
She wants to scream, cry and rage at the heavens, but it would be pointless when the best thing she can do to help her son, is to tear the remnants of the Borg away from him. Tears can come later.
"Jean-Luc, according to Geordi there are antiseptic and antibiotic serums for hypospray in my old office, can you get them please?" The admiral dutifully nods and heads off to complete the task, only stopping to cast a worried look over his shoulder. Jean-Luc may still be getting to grips with being a parent, but he knows something is off between mother and son.
Putting aside the medical tricorder, Beverly picks up a dermal regenerator from a medical tray and runs the device over her son's face to do an initial assessment of the wounds where the cranial implant had been. While they look superficial, it's clear that they go deeper into the skull and towards the spinal column and there's little point in tackling the facial wounds until she removes the deeper-lying Borg implants.
With Jean-Luc out of the room, Jack regains his voice, and it cracks as he speaks. "I frighten you now, don't I?" Jack asks as she runs the dermal regenerator again over his face, and the bruising at least fades slightly. "When you look at me?" Beverly looks bereft at his question and she hurriedly puts aside the regenerator to hold her son's head in her hands. The wave of despair and anger she feels at herself for missing what had been happening for years is going to haunt her for the rest of her days.
Yet another regret to add to the parenting pile she has after feeling like she failed Wesley. She had thought it would be different this time. She'd fought so hard for it to be so.
Beverly rests her forehead against her son's and just takes a moment to steel herself before he leans into her touch. The warmth of his skin and soft breathing reassured her that he really was safe and here. "Oh, Jack. You could never frighten me. What I am is angry at myself. I should have seen what was wrong and helped you." Beverly's eyes threaten to turn watery as she runs a hand through her son's hair. "I thought I was keeping you safe, and I missed all of it"
"I don't think this is something any of us saw coming, mum." Jack offers tiredly. His shoulders slumping as much as possible considering the inflexible exoskeleton. "I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about."
"I should have seen how much you were struggling, Jack." Beverly's hand reached out to touch the uninjured side of Jack's face. Her fingers stretched out to run through his hair. It's comforting and reminds them both of when Jack was little and he'd curl into her side. "I was so focused on keeping you safe that I didn't see you."
"You did your best, Mum." Jack nods weakly. "There's a lot of blame to go around at the moment. But I think- I think most of it is on me at the moment." His voice trails off, and the pair jerk as they hear the quiet cough from behind them as Jean-Luc returns. Beverly isn't sure how much he heard, but she knows the admiral well enough that in his own way, he didn't want to interrupt what looks like a delicate moment. Jean-Luc has made a lot of progress since she last saw him, but strong emotion is still something that he struggles with.
It still frightens him to be vulnerable.
Jean-Luc places the serums on the medical tray next to the biobed and gives them both a curt nod as Beverly thanks him. "I'll see about trying to find a kit from engineering, I seem to remember, some of the implants needing some gentle persuasion with a microspanner and microplasma cutter. Jean-Luc raised a sardonic eyebrow, putting on a brave face to try and distract them all from what was certain to be a difficult experience.
"Ooof, say no more, old man. I'm not sure I can survive any potential family revelations involving heavy mechanics and machinery after the past week." It's a weak joke, but Jack's bravado is muted, his skin pale and clammy, and his cocky theatrics are a shadow of his former self, but it's something, Beverly thinks.
Her son is still in there, underneath it all.
"Good idea, I think we have enough data to be at the point where we can safely start removing some of the implants and outer plating," Beverly says as she pulls away from her son who shuffles awkwardly on his feet, looking to her for direction. Clearing his throat, Jack shrugs and offers his palms up questioningly. "Where do you need me?"
"Biobed. We'll give you a sedative and start peeling you out of there."
Jack looks at them both and trudges over to the bed with the air of a man making his way to the gallows before hitching himself up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He clapped his hands on his legs as he took a bracing breath in, his eyes wide and his father came forward to give him a hug. "Your mother and I will be at your side, the whole way through," Jean-Luc assures. "I'll be back as soon as I can with what we need."
As Jean-Luc hurries off to engineering. Jack hesitantly lay back on the biobed, visibly wincing as the wounds in his abdomen and chest protested wildly at the shift in movement. To his side, Beverly prepared a hypospray with a strong analgesic and antibiotics to help Jack remain as comfortable as possible, and he could see his mother's hands tremble as she worked. Her head remained carefully averted from his face as she administered the hypo, so Jack wouldn't see her tears. If he had noticed, he was dutifully pretending he hadn't seen through his mother's facade and letting her have this moment of grief.
The prolonged silence between them is uncomfortable, and Jack feels a need to keep his mother talking. Conversation had always sprung easily between them but now, it feels strained. He knows she's upset, but hearing her voice—her real voice, not the mimicry of the Borg Queen—is reassuring. And given the circumstances, he wants to know more about how Locutus was broken free from the Collective. It feels relevant, and he wants to prepare himself if such a thing is possible. At the very least, it gives them something to dispel the awkward silence. It's also something that he doesn't feel comfortable asking his father. He's felt first-hand how raw the admiral feels about his time with the Borg and can understand why the older man has tried so hard to forget.
"What was it like, for him, when you freed him from the collective?"
Beverly pauses, There is no need to ask who he means, she knows Jack means Jean-Luc and this is the first question about his father that he's directly asked her for years. Jack resists the urge to fidget, and for a brief second, he looks like a little boy in an oversized suit as his mother debates her answer, so he follows it with another question. "Locutus. Was he like me? Like Vox? Is-Is this what it was like?"
Beverly's mind quickly connects the dots as a feeling of dread creeps up her spine. She can feel Jack watching her and the maelstrom of emotions she's experiencing must show on her face as Jack averts his eyes.
Beverly chews the inside of her cheek. "I understand," she offers lamely, fidgeting with the edge of the instrument tray, her thumb worrying the edge of the cold mettle while Jack looks momentarily frustrated at her answer. "Jean-Luc struggled with it for years. More so than I ever realised." Beverly looked pensive for a moment as she considered her next words. "He felt a lot of guilt for a long time. Believed he should have been stronger. That he should have been able to resist the Borg. I don't think he has ever been able to forgive himself after Wolf-359."
A heavy silence seemed to roll over the room and Jack focused on the ceiling as he debated what to say. "I can understand that," he said heavily, his head tilted back and his eyes grew glassy. "There's a lot of people hurting out there tonight."
"Yes, there is," Beverly agreed with a sigh. "And you're one of them." Jack made a derisive sound that made it clear he wasn't as convinced about that as Beverly was. "I'm not the same as him. Picard fought the Borg, I practically ran to them with open arms," Jack ground out bitterly. "Stupid..."
"It's not as simple as fighting back."
"Isn't it?" Jack's tone is grimly flat.
"Not with the Borg, it isn't" Beverly countered, throwing her arms up in frustration. "How could you fight back against a presence in your mind that you didn't even know was there?"
"Because I knew there was something there and I opened the door and let them in," Jack starts before his mother cuts him off.
"That's not all on you, we all made the decision to do what we did."
"And I have to live with it, Mum." Jack snapped, his face twisting darkly before regret washed it away and a look of defeat replaced it. "I have to figure out how to live with this. And I- I don't know how. Not yet anyway."
Beverly mentally counts about 40 seconds of silence before she feels she has to say something. "Would you like to talk about it? To me or Deanna…"
Jack's head jerks back like he's been burned, his eyes narrowing. "No," he said tersely. "I know she's your friend, but I'm not doing that again. Ever. If a Betazoid comes within 50 feet of me again all bets are off."
It's clear that Jack still feels a sense of betrayal from the episode with Deanna, and that is going to take some time to overcome that experience. Beverly watches as Jack rests his head back on the curved headrest of the biobed and chews his lip, his eyes darting back and forth as he visibly processes a thought that is on the tip of his tongue. "I-I think she was always there. Every imaginary friend, every story, she was there whispering in my ear." Jack thumps the back of his head against the biobed in frustration. "She's part of me, always was, I'm glad she's dead, but I don't know how much of me, is me..I have to figure that out..."
As she listens, Beverly feels chilled, and her mind goes into a tailspin. It changes how she remembers Jack's childhood and she's sure her son is now in the same position. Every memory now feels tainted, now that they know that there has always been someone else looking in like a voyeur. Lying in wait to strike. It feels like their own relationship has been poisoned by the Borg Queen as she terrorised a child with nightmares and whispers. It explains so much, the anxiety, the night terrors. It's a miracle that Jack has coped as well as he has or that it took so long for him to falter.
It makes her feel like a failure and it takes all the resilience she has to remind herself that her son is alive, maybe not entirely well, but here and safe. It's selfish, but Beverly can't bring herself to care. The universe has given her enough loss for several lifetimes.
Jack remains silent, instead settling for watching her as she works. Barely missing a beat between movements, Beverly paused to analyse the readout before reaching again for the supplies she had instructed drones to supply the ship with from the fleet museum in preparation for what she feared was coming. Always prepared.
"I'm going to give you a sedative that will place you in an induced coma," Beverly said, her direct bedside manner kicking in while she worked to keep her emotions under control. "You don't want to be awake and aware for the next part."
A flicker of trepidation crosses Jack's face, and his eyes, always the most expressive part of him when upset or angry, focus on the bulkhead behind his mother. After a second of silence, he nods his acquiescence as his mother administers the drug. Jack would be lying if he wasn't worried about what was about to face him in unconsciousness, but he implicitly trusts his mother, and if she recommended being knocked out, he wasn't about to argue.
Swallowing heavily, Jack blearily watches his mother work in a surreal haze, one that uncomfortably feels a lot like the one that took over his body as part of the assimilation process. As he feels himself starting to sink under, his heart clenches again with remorse, and he reaches out to clasp his mother's wrist as she runs the medical tricorder over him in another sweep.
"'m'sorry," Jack trails off, swallowing heavily. "For all of it. I shouldn't have run off."
"We don't have to do this now, Jack," Beverly trails off as Jack interjects, pushing himself up higher on his elbow to look her in the eye.
"We have to do it sometime. Now's as good as any to say I'm sorry."
"You were angry and upset." Beverly offers, her tears threatening to finally overcome the wall she's built up to get through today.
"Yes, but I like to think of myself as not stupid and running to the Borg, wasn't exactly clever was it?"
Her son isn't wrong. But there is little point in getting into a debate when the wounds are so raw. It's a distraction from what they need to take care of here in the present. Beverly steels herself, folding her arms across her chest and she chooses to bite her tongue. As much as a part of her dearly wants to give her son a good shake and ask him what the hell he had been thinking, the more rational side of her knows that he hadn't been entirely in control of his actions.
What he has said about the Borg's queen being a constant presence echoes in her memory. The Borg's manipulation was powerful, and Jack had resisted the odds against him for far longer than any other individual they were aware of. He was lucky to be alive, and right now that was enough even if he didn't believe it himself.
"Sssh. Don't think about that now." Beverly soothed, feeling impotent. "We don't need to do this now. What matters is getting through the next few days."
Jack's grip on her wrist finally slackens, and as he reclines back onto the biobed, he gives a weak nod before he ebbs into drug-induced unconsciousness, eyes fluttering closed. Once Jack is no longer watching her Beverly has to resist the impulse to step back like she's been burned.
Earlier, Jack had called his Borg identity; Vox, and everything, from the armour to the cranial implant, bore an uncanny resemblance to that of Locutus. Though she doesn't want to say it, it feels like stepping back in time 30 years. Seeing him on the bridge, both her son and undeniably Borg had been a full body shock not unlike falling into ice-cold water. She hadn't realised that the Borg's Queen was capable of being vindictive, or vengeful but it seemed she was more than capable to an almost Shakespearean degree. Everything about Jack's Borg persona was intended to be a dagger to the heart.
Hell hath no fury like a Borg scorned.
Beverly isn't sure what to make of that dark thought, and instead, she brushes the hair back from Jack's clammy forehead as he steadily falls into the induced coma she has placed him in and barely conscious he leans into her touch. "F-feels cold," Jack murmurs, barely audible, as he finally succumbs to the sedative. When his limbs go limp, and the biobed readings confirm he's fully unconscious, Beverly lets out a shuddering breath she'd been holding since she first saw her son's condition on the bridge and has to fight to remain upright.
Jean-Luc had delivered on his promise and returned her son to her. There weren't enough words in the universal translator to express her gratitude. Perhaps naively, Beverly had imagined her son would be the target of Jean-Luc Picard's enemies if they had been public about his parentage, but the Borg had never even entered her mind. Her fears had been firmly rooted in the interplanetary political level and the decades of instability that had followed the fall of Romulus and the collapse of the Neutral Zone.
When Jack was born and as he grew up, she imagined assassination attempts, kidnappings, and ransom demands - everything from the Tal-Shiar espionage handbook. Her son being the key piece in a Borg/changeling conspiracy to assimilate all of the Federation seemed absurd- was absurd. But it had happened, and selfishly, Beverly is grimly relieved that her family has survived. She's certain that thousands would be in mourning across Starfleet, but Jack is here, and shamefully, that's all that matters to her for now. Her life had more than its fair share of losses, and as callous as it might sound, she's grateful to have skipped it this time.
Jack had been her second chance, her escape from loneliness.
After dead parents, a dead husband and a firstborn son lost to the stars, Beverly can't help but feel that the universe owed her this one. Tears threatened to spill over again as the memory of what she had been willing to do on the Bridge of the Enterprise-D returned to the surface and she had to steady herself on the edge of the biobed to stop from falling to her knees with the weight of what she was prepared to do. She can't help but watch over him and listen to the rise and fall of his breathing to reassure herself that her boy is still alive and here with her.
She hadn't had to do the unspeakable, killing her own child to save everyone else.
It's why she doesn't want to talk just yet about what's just taken place, to talk about it means she has to acknowledge it. She's not sure she can talk about it ever again and internally she vows to never tell Jack about how far she was willing to go to defeat the Borg.
The worst thing is, Beverly knows that Jack would understand. That doesn't mean she can reconcile it within her own soul.
Instead, she intends to act as a human shield for her son, protecting him from the fallout of the past week and the damage that Vox has caused. It was for the best to keep him in this induced coma until they were able to remove all the Borg technology from his body and mind. Just as she had for his father all those years ago. Beverly paused at the thought, her hands clenching at the tricorder she held to her chest. An anxious tell she was barely aware of.
Like father, like son.
That thought leads springs loose another concern. She had seen how many had reacted to Jean-Luc after Wolf-359, and she wanted to insulate her son from that. To that end, it was best that he be able to present a human face, wiping off the blood and scars while keeping the circle of who was aware of Jack's- Vox's- role in the attempted assimilation of Starfleet tight. Just because the Borg were gone, it doesn't mean the danger was. In all the years Beverly had known Jean-Luc there had always been a new threat, and she would do everything she could to protect Jack from anyone who may wish to cause him harm.
It was hard not to remember when she had to rid Jean-Luc of Locutus, the extensive surgeries and years of guilt that he had endured were not what she wanted for Jack. Assimilation, although brief for Jean-Luc was the defining trauma of his life and arguably hastened his relentless dedication to duty and the sanctuary of Starfleet. It was almost as if thinking of him had summoned Jean-Luc back from engineering and Beverly nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard him speak from behind her.
"How is he?" Jean-Luc asks as he sets the engineering kit down and Beverly smiles weakly at him. "He's stable and asleep for now."
"Good," Jean-Luc sighs, "I felt I needed to give you both some time. I felt I was in the way."
"I know, thank you," Beverly said as they both opened up the kit and began to pick out the tools that would help with what they had to do. " But I want you to remember that you are never in the way. Especially when it comes to our son," Beverly finished, purposefully emphasising the word ours.
Together, they looked over to their son who looked serene on the bed. The muted lights cast Jack's face in shadow as his parents watched over him. "Jack's more like you than I ever realised," Beverly said and Jean-Luc frowned in confusion before she continued. "He feels things so deeply, I always thought he was an open book when it came to emotions. Turns out I was blind. Seeing what I wanted to see."
Jean-Luc chuckled under his breath and Beverly couldn't help but frown at him. "What?" She asked indignantly. "Beverly, you are one of the most passionate and emotional people I've ever met. You always were. Jack is no different."
Unlucky kid...
Falling silent, Beverly clutched at her upper arms, rubbing at them like she was trying to warm herself back up. She looked anxious, and her skin looked sickly. It was unnerving to see her so shaken.
"Are you sure you want to take charge of the procedure?" Jean-Luc asked, brows knitted in concern. "No one would judge you and I'm sure others could assist."
Beverly looks at him mournfully. "I'm sure they could but I- I need to do this." She walked over to the head of the surgical bed Jack was resting on and ran her fingers through his sweat-slicked hair like she was trying to reassure herself that he was really there. Her thumb traced the wounds where the cranial implant had been and she looked pained as she reflected on what she wanted to say.
Pausing she looked back at Jean-Luc who observed her in his typical measured demeanour as she spoke. "I feel I failed you both. I keep going over it and over it in my head. I should have seen the changes to your DNA all those years ago, seen it was transmissible, and realised that something was tormenting Jack. Isolating him. I isolated him, thinking I was protecting him." Beverly paced, building up her fiery temper and Jean-Luc held his tongue, knowing better than to interrupt while she mentally unburdened herself.
"All I can think is what if I had brought you together sooner. Would we have been able to tell what the Borg were doing to him? Would the pre-synthetic you have been able to hear him and we could have stopped all of this before it ever began." Beverly's voice rose and in spite of himself, Jean-Luc had to admire her passionate temperament when her children were concerned. In her rage, Beverly picked up a medical tray and slammed it back down on a trolley scattering various odds and ends across the floor as she regained her breath. Recomposing herself, she ran her hands over her face, pushing back her hair from her temples before setting her hands on her hips in resignation.
Sensing that now was time to intervene, Jean-Luc approached Beverly, her eyes glassy as she stared down at her son sleeping peacefully and he wrapped a reassuring arm around her shoulders to pull her close.
"Asking what if, will only drive you mad." Jean-Luc says gently and his understanding feels like a soothing balm. Beverly's tears started to flow freely even as she reached to brush them away. "I don't want this to ruin his life, Jean-Luc. Jack's so young and I know how much you struggled."
"Jack is not me," Jean-Luc interjects. "He has you. Without you, he would have been lost a long time ago."
Beverly twisted around, loosening the grip he had on her."Jean-Luc, I want our son to thrive. I want him to be happy, and have a family, a career if he wants it. I don't want him to have to live in the shadow of the Borg until the end of his days." Beverly pleaded.
The admiral's face looks impassive, "Like I did?
"That's- that's not what I..." Beverly trails off looking stricken and is about to apologise before Jean-Luc shakes his head at her, pulling away to hold a placating hand at her. "I understand, I don't want that for him either, but we must be realistic."
Beverly nodded, "I know I can't shield him from everything, but I want to protect him from the worst. Things are too raw right now for everyone to know about Jack and Vox."
There's a flicker of surprise that crosses the admiral's face at the hearing Beverly refer to Jack's Borg personna but he recovers quickly. "It will come out eventually," Jean-Luc said pointedly. "I know," Beverly sighed. "I know, but at least I can make sure all traces of the Borg are gone and do some damage control before he has to face it. There's going to be a lot of explaining to do once the dust settles."
Jean-Luc nodded, not entirely convinced but willing to let Beverly do what she needed to. "I know, when its time, we'll do it together. He finished reaching down to squeeze her free hand and Beverly took a deep breath, bracing herself again as they broke apart.
"Jean-Luc. I know what I'm asking of you and I don't want..." Beverly starts before the admiral waves her off. "He's our son," Jean-Luc said softly. "I promised him I would stay with him until the end. I meant it."
Both Jean-Luc's voice and expression make it clear that there would be no dissuading him. Once Jean-Luc made a decision, he doggedly kept at it until the job was done. It was simultaneously one of his best and worst traits, but one that Beverly, at this moment, was grateful for.
"Thank you. I don't think I could do this on my own." Beverly admits, and her eyes clench as the fear of the past few hours threatens to finally consume her. Gently, Jean-Luc takes her hand with a light squeeze, the warmth of such a gesture from him isn't lost on her. "Yes, you could. But you don't have to." Even though they've tried multiple times to have a relationship, and their days of romance are definitely behind them, they've never been able to have intimacy on a level like this. Beverly can't help but be moved that now, after years of trying in vain to get him to let her in, Jean-Luc is finally able to say the words she needs to hear. For a moment they let the quiet hang in the air, the only sound in sickbay the sound of their son's soft breathing
"Bridge to Sickbay," Geordi's disembodied voice interrupts them, and Jean-Luc wearily responds, tapping at his communicator "Picard here."
If Geordi is phased by the abrupt tone, he doesn't let on."Seven has given some... discreet updates to the rest of the fleet and advised that a case of medical supplies and tools she says will be helpful to you are ready to be beamed over directly to Sickbay. Personnel transports are suspended across Starfleet and the Federation for the foreseeable future. Communiques about the transporter risk are being prepared to all other non-federation powers as we speak."
"Thank you, Geordi."
"On a personal note, Seven also wanted you to know that if you needed any help with the... job ahead of you, she knows a good doctor." Geordi continues, remaining coy with any identifying details, just in case there is anyone intercepting communications, and both Jean-Luc and Beverly's expressions mirror each other as they listen. They don't even need to say the words aloud, their feelings are clear to each other. The offer is appreciated, but this is private, something that the three of them need to face alone for now.
Jean-Luc considers his words carefully, and his tone remains measured even though Beverly can see the same strength of feeling she feels deep in her chest. "Thank you, Geordi, but this needs to be a family affair for now. Thank Seven and tell her, that her offer is appreciated. But the best doctor for the job is already here. Picard out.'
Beverly scoffs, shaking her head at him fondly. "You flatterer."
"With you, always" Jean-Luc smiled, his arm stretching out in invitation as Beverly walked to a nearby panel to pass on transporter coordinates to the Titan.
Barely five minutes pass before the pallet of additional supplies is beamed over, and Jean-Luc hangs back while Beverly does inventory, occasionally humming approvingly at a tool or drug. Methodically, she prepares to work, instructing Jean-Luc on the purpose of everything and what they will do and when as she lays everything they are going to need on a spare biobed that has been repurposed.
It takes them two hours just to remove the exoskeleton that encases Jack, the disassembly of the thick plating reminding Jean-Luc of the medieval suits of armour he'd seen in a castle in the French countryside as a boy. There are pauldrons, the cuirass, and braces, each carefully removed and set aside to await being destroyed
As they work, Jean-Luc gives Beverly a run-through of what each implant and instrument that is fused to Jack's body does. While it's unnerving to witness just how deep the Borg's influence can be given that Jean-Luc can still identify what each component does. Beverly has to admit, having Jean-Luc's knowledge of the Borg technology is making this easier than she remembers it being the first time. She's grateful for that, and it helps her get through the next part once they finally cut away the last of the exoskeleton and get to the bloodied and mottled flesh underneath.
Thankfully, Jack remains relatively whole, Unlike the many Borg drones they had encountered over the years, Jack still has all his organs and limbs which leaves Beverly feeling confident that she can repair any damage done with minimal scarring. It takes them another two days to complete the work of removing the most invasive Borg instruments, implants and wiring that have wrapped themselves around most of the major organs in Jack's body. It was to their benefit that the Borg Queen was low on drones and resources resulting in the assimilation process being not as thorough as it could have been. As much as they had been battling against time, so had the Borg and Jack had escaped the worst of what assimilation could entail.
It doesn't mean that it doesn't take a heavy toll on them both. The sight of Jack's assimilated organs, limbs and skin will haunt their dreams for a long time to come but he's free and that's all that matters.
It's on the third day when Beverly is ready to call it and say they have managed to extract all the Borg implants from Jack's body. It had been a gruelling process, requiring microsurgery and constant vigilance in case the implants attempted to undo their work. Jean-Luc had dutifully helped to destroy all the Borg technology, taking each blood-strained piece to be incinerated or reverently assisting in cleaning blood and other viscera away when needed from the surgical biobed.
He's probably the most attentive assistant Beverly has ever had and she quietly observes as he watches his son breathe through an oxygen mask like a new father caring for a newborn. It's easy to forget that for Jean-Luc, he is a new father and that it feels like he's making up for lost time watching over his son. It's bittersweet to see him be so gentle and its a side Beverly wishes he has felt comfortable expressing more in his younger years.
In those moments it's hard not to reflect back on his words about who he might have been had he known about Jack. Beverly can now see the father Jean-Luc would have been and it makes her yearn for what might have been. He would have been kind, gentle and patient, and it's a tragedy that neither of them had believed it possible.
At those points, Beverly needs to distract herself to avoid falling into melancholy and she throws herself into work. Not only caring for Jack but devising ways to extract the Borg DNA that has been implanted via the transporter system and identifying the changeling infiltrators. Her PADD barely leaves her side as she constantly records new theories and solutions as news filters through from the Bridge of the chaos that has engulfed Starfleet with its leadership and expertise decimated.
Not even on the worst days of the Dominion war have they faced such a crisis and Beverly feels a sense of duty in trying to do her part to repair the damage that has been done. It's something she continues to mull over even as she paces the sick bay. Part of her feels guilty for sequestering themselves away while the rest of the system reels from the aftermath of Frontier Day, but the feeling dissipates quickly each time she returns to Jack's side.
This is the one time she's allowed to be selfish. At least that's what she keeps telling herself.
There will be time to help, but her son needs her now.
It's early morning when Jean-Luc tells her he is going to the bridge to get the day's latest updates from the rest of the fleet and Beverly looks up as she hears the familiar woosh of the doors opening. "Scans are good," Beverly called out, multitasking by checking the biobed readout while changing a bag of plasma. "I think we might just be out of the woods," Beverly said triumphantly, turning to beam at Jean-Luc whose posture straightened at hearing her assessment as he stood at her side. "I'm going to keep him sedated while we complete the IV therapy, but so far, everything looks positive. No sign of nanoprobes or implants."
"That's good, very good." Jean-Luc's face is a picture of relief but it's short-lived as he gestures for her to follow him to her former office. An ominous feeling settles into her belly as she follows, her eyes flicking back to where her son lies unconscious.
"Jean-Luc, what is it?" Beverly asks nervously, a chill running up her spine at the admiral's grave expression. The admiral shakes his head, directing her inside and they each take a seat, Beverly in her former CMO chair and Jean-Luc sitting across from her, his hands clasped under his chin as he contemplates what to say. Beverly brushes her legs down with trembling hands as she anxiously waits for him to speak.
"Beverly, I think we've run out of time and need to show face in all of this." Jean-Luc sighed, lacing his fingers on his lap..
"Oh," Beverly manages, her breathing hitching slightly and she peers over Jean-Luc's shoulder out into sickbay as if she is afraid someone will break in to carry off their son. Her face falls as she quietly listens and she has to resist the urge not to bite her fingernails -something she's not done since she was a young girl.
"The core of the Borg's strategy was to cut off the head of Starfleet's leadership, and by all reports, they were highly successful. The death toll of commissioned officers and senior leadership will take Starfleet decades to recover from.' Jean-Luc tapped his fingers on the table, and for a fleeting moment, he looked like the weight of the galaxy was on him "The Enterprise and the Titan have taken on a leading role in reorganising the fleet, but without a functional Starfleet Command, it will end in little more than a free for all."
"What you mean is there is a power vacuum," Beverly said archly, her back straightening as she practically saw the gears turning in Jean-Luc's head and he nodded in assent.
"I've been here before, Beverly." Jean-Luc started, his face suddenly showing its age as he leaned back into the chair. "I've seen what happens when fear and paranoia takes over, when the Romulan's needed our help and Starfleet shirked its ideals, when the Utopia Planitia yards fell and reason is cast aside while everyone succumbs to terror. No good comes from giving into fear and it will destroy all we hold dear."
"I don't disagree, but why do I feel like you are about to blindside me?" Beverly's eyes narrowed but Jean-Luc merely grimaced and continued undeterred.
"I was able to contact Admiral Janeway, perhaps it's no surprise that she survived, and proposed that she take the lead of Starfleet Command, but let's just say she wasn't particularly enthused by that idea." Jean-Luc tapped his fingers against the desk as he sank into his thoughts and Beverly looked incredulous next to him.
"W-why not?" Beverly stuttered, amazed that Janeway had stepped back in Starfleet and the Federation's hour of need. "Her attention is needed elsewhere," Jean-Luc provided cryptically and Beverly frowned at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm afraid that's all I can say," Jean-Luc offered apologetically and Beverly audibly tutted at him in frustration. "So, what's next?" Beverly asked, leaning back into her chair with her arms folded and folding her legs as she stared at him.
Jean-Luc inclined his head at her and continued, an amused eyebrow raised at her impatience. "We did agree that the time calls for someone who understands the Borg and what has happened to step forward. Each of us has a vested interest in protecting those we love who have been victims of the Borg. Seven of Nine is like a daughter to her."
Stunned, Beverly blinks a few times and Jean-Luc waits for her brain to catch up with the implications of what he's just said, suspicion coiling in her belly. "You told her about Jack, didn't you?" Beverly asks, instincts jangling, her voice hardened by a feeling of betrayal. Jean-Luc has the decency to look admonished. "I did," he says simply.
Beverly feels a flash of anger, and she struggles to look at the admiral who waits for her to interject. "After everything we talked about, how could you?" Beverly bites out, she had thought they were on the same page, and here he went, betraying that trust. Before she can continue, Jean-Luc jumps in before she can draw breath. "Janeway has proposed that I lead and rebuild Starfleet Command." As soon as he's finished it feels like Beverly's brain has stalled mid tirade as she processes exactly what Jean-Luc has said.
"You?"
"Me."
Jean-Luc's face is extraordinarily placid considering the gravity of what such a role would entail and Beverly's anger evaporates as she stares at this impossible man, her mouth agape. It takes a few seconds of speechlessness before Beverly recovers. "What did you say?"
"That it wasn't a decision to be taken lightly, and that I needed to think about it. I have until 1400hrs to make a decision."
That was a little more than four hours away, and Beverly propped her head up on her elbow, fingers splayed across her face as she tried to take everything in. "And what are you thinking?" Beverly asks curiously as Jean-Luc looks lost in thought. He blinks, taking a deep breath. "I think it provides us with a solution for our Vox situation and our concerns if anyone comes asking questions."
"How?" For a second, Beverly wonders if her intellect has dulled over the years because for the life of her, she can't see where Jean-Luc is going with this.
"If we lead Starfleet, we can stop anyone coming after our son with hostile intent," Jean-Luc says simply with the nonchalance of someone placing an order for coffee and croissants.
"We?" Beverly asks, nonplussed and Jean-Luc gives her a grim look. "Starfleet Medical needs a new director," he says sullenly and feeling chastened Beverly nods solemnly, understanding his meaning. She finds her eyes being drawn through the glass of her old office out to the main sickbay where Jack rests. Faintly, she can see his outline in the glow of the lowered lightning. Still healing, still vulnerable and potentially on the chopping block for everything that's happened. She can hear the admiral talking to her, and even though it looks like she's distracted, Beverly hears every word.
"What Starfleet needs is leadership, not a scapegoat." Jean-Luc postures, "Seven, Jack, and others who've escaped the Borg. Why should they pay the price of today?"
Beverly feels like she's seeing the admiral in a new light. He's still the man she knew, intelligent, dedicated, loyal and idealistic. However, the years had changed him, in some ways he was jaded about the institution he had dedicated his life to. It's not something she remembers seeing so starkly before. While it was clear he still believed in his ideals about Starfleet, he was also aware of how easily they could be twisted and circumvented. "You've changed Jean-Luc."
"I have" he agrees, brows knitting as he turns in the chair, echoing Beverly in looking out to where Jack is, peacefully oblivious to the turmoil that is currently taking place around him. "I had thought my days with duty were over," the admiral sighs. "Now I see that my last duty is to protect my son. If it means picking up the pieces to ensure his safety, then so be it"
"You're seriously considering it?" Beverly asked, stunned. Perhaps it's her own naïveté, but Beverly had thought Jean-Luc was moving away from his tendency of loving being in the eye of storm when it came to intergalactic drama. But here he is, seemingly ready to martyr himself once again.
Jean-Luc looks weary, and his eyes are doleful as he mulls over his words. "I have always believed Starfleet to be an institution of reason and fairness, at its best, it is, but I've seen it at its worst. I know how it can be when threatened. Beverly can't help but squint as the man before her, she can hear the disappointment in his voice and body language, confirming everything she's heard, Jean-Luc has taken the past 20 years hard.
"I don't think I can stand on the periphery and risk Jack falling prey to Starfleet's worst instincts." Jean-Luc looked Beverly in the eye, and she felt her stomach swoop at the intensity in his gaze. "It's inevitable that people will want someone to blame, to lash out. The only way to protect Jack, is to step up, and help guide Starfleet through what's to come."
"Are you sure you're up to it?" Beverly asks and receives a mild glare in return, but she knows there's no true heat to it. "I have no choice but to be up to it." Jean-Luc archly, his tone pointed and he pivoted in the chair again to look back through the glass at Jack.
"He was stronger than I was." Jean-Luc starts, his voice usually so strong. "In the end, Jack was able to free himself of the Collective. He chose to leave." Jean-luc balanced his head into the palm of his hand and his expression was melancholy. "I don't think I truly thought it possible, but he did it."
"When he wakes up, you should tell him that." Beverly looks at him with a searching expression. "I know Jack, and he's already comparing the two of you."
"I will," Jean-Luc promised. "There's a lot of things I want to share with him, and you. I want nothing more than to make up for lost time. " Beverly smiles gently. "Jean-luc, I want you to know if I could turn the clock back I would." Jean-Luc lifts a placating hand and shakes his head. "I had a chance, even if I didn't realise it at the time."
Beverly's face crinkles with confusion unsure what the admiral means with his cryptic phrasing and she watches curiously as he closes his eyes in quiet contemplation.
"Jack came to see me. Years ago, at 10 Forward, he must have been barely 18 at the time. Just a boy." The admiral's voice thickens as he speaks. "Truth be told, I barely remembered him until it came to me after we escaped from the nebula." Jean-Luc explains regretfully.
"Oh," Beverly manages, blinking in surprise. "I had no idea."
Jack had never told her he had gone looking for his father, once he had entered his teens she had encouraged him and given him all he needed to reach out if he wanted to take that step. It had partially been the reason she had opted for London for his education- close, but not too close.
At the time, Jack had voiced the fear that meeting his father would be a rejection of his mother, and she had assured him that wouldn't be the case. He had been hungry for information and insight into the man behind the legend of Picard and had listened to every captain's log from the Enterprise he could find in Beverly's old records. Until one day, it had all come to an inexplicable stop. No more questions, no more downloads or tracking news articles. It completes a piece of the jigsaw that Beverly hadn't even realised was missing.
She hasn't pushed it, because ultimately it wasn't her choice.
"I didn't realise at the time, but looking back, I think-I know- he felt I had rejected him." Jean-Luc's eyes are fixed to room where his son remains sleeping be and he looks both weary and guilty.
"Jean-Luc, how could you have known?
"I couldn't, I know that, but if my arrogance hadn't gotten in the way, who knows what might have been. Where might we be now?" He said looking at Beverly, whose eyes dropped to stare at her lap before looking back at him.
"And there was you telling me off for playing the what if game." Beverly teases good naturedly. "We're where we are. For now that's enough" she smiles, her hand reaching out to clasp at his and he can't help but stare at their joined hands until Beverly breaks away.
For a while, they sit in companionable silence, and leave each other to their thoughts. That is until Jean-Luc can't contain his curiosity. "You know my plans, what's next for Beverly Crusher?"
Beverly sighs and remembers Jean-Luc's not so subtle hint from earlier regarding Starfleet Medical. "I want to do my part in the recovery, unpicking the damage Vadic and her changelings have done, the Borg…" Beverly sullenly lifted up the PADD she had been working on and off when there was nothing more to do with Jack than wait. "I've been working on a way to reverse the genetic modifications made to Starfleet personnel."
Jean-Luc peered at her curiously as she continued with the same energy she had since the day he first met her. "We can use the same method that Vadic placed into the transporter code to remove it. Removing the Borg genetic modification and replacing it with the original genetic code."
"They would experience no ill effects?" He asked, as Beverly shook her head. "None, all it would take is one beam out to undo the modification. They barely even have to leave the transporter pad."
He nods in understanding, ahis steepled fingers clasped under his chin, an old tell that he had a question. "How quickly could it be done?"
"All it would take is a reinstall of the transporter firmware and all ships in the fleet could be cleared within a matter of days." Beverly helpfully provided, her hands raised in a flourish as the admiral listens.
"Removing a potential open door that threatens our security and the safety of our youngest in Starfleet?" Jean-Lluc hums approvingly.
Beverly nodded in agreement. "Yes, the Borg and Vadic might be gone, but we can't risk anyone else getting ideas and targeting us again though our children."
Jean-luc fell into thought and Beverly couldn't help but be reminded of the times over the years they would meet- in the captain's ready room, or for their regular breakfasts- and he would fall into these short reveries as he proceeded information or considered a course of action. It made her smile warmly through the exhaustion, the seriousness of their conversation taking a backseat even if it only would be brief.
Beverly rubbed at her eyes tiredly before continuing. "I've also been going over the data we were able to retrieve from the changelings killed on the Titan. I've been able to identify a common genetic marker from all five cadavers that we can use to identify other changeling agents."
"Until we are able to root out all of those who survived from Vadic's faction, Starfleet and the Federation remains compromised." Jean-luc observed gruffly.
"Right, but the biggest obstacle we ever had during the Dominion war was that we had no easy way to identify Changling agents who had infiltrated our ranks." Beverly ran a hand through her hair while the other tapped the PADD with a fingertip. "Blood tests could be circumvented and unless someone gave cause for suspicion we probably were none the wiser in many cases."
"But you have a solution?"
"Quite a poetic one." Beverly raised a sardonic eyebrow, and lifted the PADD to show Jean-Luc the screen before sliding it over the desk towards him. "Using the transporter system, we can scan and identify Changeling infiltrators with a common genetic marker that all of the dead Changelings had…"
Jean-Luc picked up the pad and quickly run through the the details"Using their own tactics against them," Jean-luc finished admiringly, peering at her over the edge of the PADD and impressed at her ingenuity.
"My thinking was we can use the removal of the Borg modifications as a cover to flush out the last of them. It's not harmful, or painful, they wouldn't be aware of what we were checking for but we'd know immediately from the transporter scan if it was a Changeling impersonating a Starfleet officer."
Jean-luc chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. "Beverly, consider that your interview for Head of Starfleet Medical."
"Subtlety is not your forte, Beverly smiled. "You might not have me convinced on coming back to Starfleet, but I'll do what I can to help."
"Then that's all I ask of you, but I'll keep on trying to tempt you back nonetheless."
They both laughed, and it felt like the tension from earlier in their conversation had broken. Things were still serious, but as it had been during their time serving together on the Enterprise, the camaraderie and determination of their crew had made all challenges conquerable.
Jean-Luc excuses himself and heads to the Sickbay replicator, quickly returning with coffee and croissants and setting it down in front of Beverly, murmuring her thanks. As she drinks her coffee and picks at the buttery pastry, Jean-Luc watches on, and his whole body looks as though he is internally wrestling with his thoughts as he leaves his share untouched.
"I wanted to ask you, where you and Jack will go after this?" Jean-Luc asked tentatively, unsure of what answer he's expecting for and Beverly looks like the question takes her by surprise.
"Y'know, with everything that's happened. I haven't even thought about it, but I suppose I'll have to check in with Mariposas. Its been a while since Jack and I stayed in any one place for a while. I guess we've become used to being nomadic." Beverly trailed off, folding her arms across her chest while Jean-Luc looks like he is steeling himself to ask something.
Averting his eyes, Jean-Luc's fingers traced the edge of the coffee mug. "I wondered if you would consider coming to live with me for a time? Until you both get back on your feet?"
"That's-that's quite an offer." Beverly feels wrongfooted, this isn't a Jean-Luc she recognises and he looks like he is squirming at the thought of being so vulnerable towards her and is looking to convince her.
"The vineyard could be ideal for Jack's recovery, it's secluded, comfortable, and safe from prying eyes. You both would be very welcome and want for nothing." Jean-Luc wasn't a man who was comfortable begging, but for this, catching up on the past twenty years, he'd do it if he had to.
Beverly nodded distantly, her eyes showing a complicated mix of emotions. Sensing her discomfort, Jean-Luc moved to address her unspoken fears. "I-I know it's not neutral ground, but perhaps it's time for Jack to learn about the other side of the family tree and for me to learn about you both."
He has to bite his tongue from saying that he wants to learn what their lives have been like the past 20 years. It would feel like an accusation, and that's not what he intends.
Beverly looks at him somberly, and Jean-Luc's mind goes back to what Q had said to him as he watches her internally debate the offer.
I'm dying. Alone. I don't want that for you. He doesn't either.
This is what Q had been trying to prepare him for, this was the true test of his humanity. Putting aside years of duty, arrogance, and trauma collected over a lifetime. It was time to be vulnerable, to take the risk, and to say both what he wanted and needed.
"Beverly, I am a man in the winter of his life." Jean-Luc started, his voice deepening with emotion. "For the time I have left, I want to keep you both close." Jean-Luc searches for the words he needs to articulate the depths of his feelings, his hands. "To protect you, and to know you. I don't want to just be a disembodied voice from a ship's log."
Beverly's eyes never moved from watching him, but her eyes were shining as she held back tears at this rare moment of emotion from the man she had known for most of her adult life.
"Let me do this for you." Jean-Luc's voice cracks, and he reaches out for Beverly's hand. "Let me do this for him and for myself."
They both sit there in silence for a moment, The only sound either can hear in the emptiness of the sick bay is Jack's steady breathing, and for a brief moment, Jean-Luc feels like he has gone back to their time serving on the Enterprise. As quickly as it happens, it's over, and Beverly breaks away from him, his eyes watching her hand trail away to clasp the other on her lap.
As the moment drags on, Jean-Luc begins to fear that he's miscalculated and that it's only a matter of seconds until he's rejected. As he hears her take a steadying breath, he's convinced he knows what she is about to say to justify saying no and closes his eyes to brace himself.
"Alright, Jean-Luc." His eyes shoot open at hearing her voice, brows crinkling as he blinks in confusion at hearing the words he had been so desperate to hear. "Thank you," he manages, the gratitude emanating from him in waves. Jean-Luc knows that, in spite of everything that has happened over the past week, he will always struggle to put into words what this means to him. But perhaps he can show it.
A short laugh from Beverly breaks him out of his thoughts, and he finds her shaking her head at him as one of her delicate hands affectionately pats him on the chest before sinking back in her chair. "Take it easy, Jean-Luc. Living in a warm, sunny chateau in France is not as hard a decision as you think it is, given that Jack and I have been homeless for the past week!"
"Ah, yes."
Jean-Luc has the self-awareness to look sheepish for forgetting the fate of the Eleos, but he recovers well, and Beverly can already see that his mind is already going elsewhere after her agreeing to decamp to Chateau Picard. Jean-Luc is a man who takes solace in being prepared; he is already making plans and strategies in his head about what needs to come next and he stands up, running his hands down the side of his torso like he used to on the bridge of the Enterprise. Straightening his uniform and always being so cool and precise.
"I need to give my answer to Admiral Janeway, but I will make the arrangements?" Jean-Luc nods his head in acknowledgement and she nods back her agreement much to his relief.
After twenty years of living on red alert, Beverly is content to let him do what he does best.
—-
I felt it was time for some focus on the Jean-Luc/Beverly relationship, and that scene with Troi in Generations hits very differently in the wake of Picard S3. I always knew JL was a sentimental man.
Also, big props to Admiral Janeway who three years after the aftermath of Frontier Day is going to go back in time to fuck up the Borg with a pathogen and leave them on the edge of space poisoned. What a champ.
