Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.


After Kyoko and Zinnia Recruited Bowser

1:14 AM

"Captain Goomba!" Bowser walked over to him. "I need you and the other captains to watch Solana Town while I'm away."

"Going for a midnight run at this hour?" Captain Goomba asked.

"Going to get the team back together so we can clobber EggFace."

"Aaaah, okay. I'll let the squad know."

"Good. Now let's move out!" He said as he took off with Kyoko and Zinnia behind him.

"By the way, I never said this in space but y'all have cute flags!" Zinnia said.

Captain Goomba blushed. "My flag's cute?" He asked.

"Not just your flag, but ours." Captain Shy Guy said.

"I… know that." He said as they walked around Solana Town before finding Tech and Serpentina.

"What are you guys up to?" Captain Koopa asked.

"Bookwyrm is currently away right now, so we're keeping an eye on the town." Tech said.

"Where'd Bookwyrm go?" Captain Boo wondered.

"He went to go check on Weiss. He was definitely concerned about her." Serpentina said.

"I'd be more concerned about those rioters." Captain Shy Guy mumbled. "I mean, they're clearly blaming the Schnees for the fall of Atlas. Do they all have snowflakes for brains?"

"I wouldn't be surprised…" Captain Goomba rolled his eyes.

In a flash, someone charged past them.

"...Who the heck was that?" Captain Boo wondered.


Nearby…

"Major Malfunction, wait!" A Rinoceraxe called out to him before sighing. "Why did Lord Mordegon make him commander of his squad?"

A Mandrake Major shook his head. "He's always been such an odd Mandrake major during our training days. During our time in the front lines, he earned the name "Major Malfunction" for causing… well, a major malfunction in the enemy forces. However, he also caused a… major malfunction on our side because his attacks often include friendly fire. Despite his reckless behavior and above average win rate, he's still a well known mercenary outside of Mordegon's army."

"...He's still an idiot though."

"Unfortunately…"

Back with the captains, they heard shrieks as they all turned around to see what the commotion was going on.

"Are we being attacked already?" Captain Goomba asked.

"Goodness gracious… of course we get attacked after Lord Bowser leaves!" Captain Shy Guy groaned.

"...Wait a moment." Tech said as he looked at the monsters. "Mandrake Majors, Rhinoceraxes, Teeny Sanguinis, Hippoblockomus, Imps, Bag o' Laughs, and Wooper Troopers? …What the heck are the monsters from Melromarc doing here?"

"Marlbo-what now?" Captain Goomba tilted his body.

"Melromarc. I'll explain on the way. We need to get Lady Neo's squad in here now. All hands on deck!"

"I'll go rally the Koopa Troop!" Captain Goomba went running off.

BGM: Violent Enemies (Dragon Quest V)

"Coming through!" Serpentina took off as she found a group of Slimes being harassed by an Imp.

"Donth worry, litthle guths, I'm here ta thafe yuu!"

Serpentina sprung into action, quickly getting between them and whacking them away with her tails before breathing fire to knock the Imp back.

Captain Shy Guy came running in as he was joined by a few Shy Guys of his own, all of them throwing turnips at a Rhinoceraxe. It let out a snarl and swung its axe down at the Shy Guys but they quickly got out of the way and continued to throw them at him.

"I do not understand why you're attacking me with turnips, but it's not effective!" He said… and then Captain Shy Guy threw a larger turnip that exploded on contact. "Ooomph!"

"Gotta thank Lady Shez for that idea!" Captain Shy Guy said.

Nearby, a group of Teeny Sanguini were terrorizing some local monsters. Not that they were attacking them, but more because their demonic faces with sharp teeth were freaking out the Sabrecubs. Luckily, Tech fired electric arrows to knock them out.

"Don't worry. I've seen worse." Tech said as he turned around and fired at some Wooper Troopers where they swung their swords at him but he jumped back and countered.

A Hippoblockamus tried to slap Captain Boo with his shields, but was not doing a very good job with it. "Nnngh! Rrrrgh! Why can't I do anything to you!"

"No no, keep attacking. I got all night." Captain Boo said, looking at his stubby arm. "...Oh, wait, I don't wear a watch." He said as the Hippoblockamus kept swinging, while also leaving his backside wide open as Captain Koopa whistled as several Paratroopas dive bombed into his head.

The Bag O' Laughs cackled as they proceeded to unleash a Dazzle and a Deceleratle on a group of Ninjs, but they disappeared and left a few logs behind as the Ninjis dive kicked him and beat it up before they kicked it away.

"Pokthe! Pokthe!" Another Imp tried to poke Captain Goomba with its pitchfork.

"Geez dude, you call that a pitchfork? I've seen better!" Captain Goomba snarked as the Imp glared before unleashing Kaboom on him. However, Captain Goomba pressed a button as a shield surrounded him to block the attack.

"Whath?! How'th you tho thath?!"

"Lady Marnie made this for me. She's a sweetheart!" He said as the Imp swung his pitchfork but Captain Goomba headbonked him in retaliation.

Several Sham Hatwitches and Platypunks ran away in terror as several Mandrake Majors chased after them… only they ran away screaming when Kotake, Koume and Merasmus, decked out in pajamas and nightcaps, unleashed magic at them.

"Do you have any idea what time it is!" Kotake declared. "It may be the end of the world, but some of us still need our beauty sleep!"

"Titanus Blobberjabaca!" Merasmus exclaimed, which in turn, shrunk the Mandrake Majors as now the Platypunks and Sham Hatwitches chased after them in retaliation.

"Yeah, that's right! You don't mess with Solana Town!" A Hammer Bro declared, throwing hammers at a few Imps as even a few huntsmen who were visiting the town jumped in to help out.

End BGM

"ENOUGH!" A voice called out as Major Malfunction landed on the streets. He was a typical Mandrake Major, but unlike his fellow counterparts, his horn was yellow, his body armor was half red on the top and half blue on the bottom, but it was uneven diagonally due to a mishap in fusing his armor.

"Oh no, it's him…" Tech groaned.

"You know him?" Captain Boo asked.

"Yeah. His name is Mandrake Mal, otherwise known as Major Malfunction. We were classmates once upon a time. He earned that name for, shall we say, creating a malfunction into the enemy's plans and his attacks are, well, dysfunctional at best since he typically does friendly fire by accident. It was… rough…"

"...You're kidding, right? He earned that name because of several mishaps?" Captain Shy Guy deadpanned. "You can't be serio-"

"My name is Mandrake Mal Fun Xion. But you can call me Major Malfunction!"

Captain Shy Guy sweatdropped in disbelief. "Neeeeeever mind."

"Come and face me if you dare, you weird beasts and humans! I will ravage this town to free my comrades from your deceivingly strong grasp. Who will step up to the plate and face me in single combat! Your blood will be sacrificed for Lord Mordegon!"

"Lord Mordego-..." Serpentina blinked. "Doesn't he know Mordegon is dead?"

"Something tells me Melmorac is an underground city if they haven't heard. Definition of living under a rock!" Captain Shy Guy snarked.

"Come out and challenge me, or are you too scared!" He boasted with a maniacal laugh.

"Hey, Major Malfunction!" Serpentina called out to him. "Lord Mordegon is dead!"

"What?!" He said in disbelief. "That's blasphemy. Lord Mordegon is alive and well and-..." He gasped. "Wait a moment, whoever's in charge here must have brainwashed you! That's it! I'll conk you on the head and go find the person in charge here and clobber him into submission!"

"...Should we tell him?" Captain Koopa whispered.

"No no, I want to see where this goes." Captain Boo said. "And besides, if Lord Bowser returns, it's not going to take long for him to clobber this Major Malfunction weirdo."

"He's not going to listen to reason. We need to knock him into his senses!" Tech said.

"Knock him into his senses? Considering he's a danger to everyone, he's a danger to himself too. Can we just have him LARP himself to death?" Captain Shy Guy asked. "I'll make the popcorn!"

"WHO DARES TO SPEAK IN THAT SNARKY TONE? I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!"

"Oh no, he's going to get my head. Whatever shall I do?"

"Is it me or are you snarkier than usual?" Captain Goomba asked.

"Probably a bit sleep deprived right now… as we all are." Captain Koopa said.

"I'm not!" Captain Boo said with a cheeky grin.

"Lucky spooky bastard…" Captain Koopa grumbled under his breath.

"Enough talk then! HAVE AT THEE!" Major Malfunction declared.

BGM: World of the Strong (Dragon Quest VII)

Rocks For Brains - Major Malfunction

Major Malfunction let out a draconic roar as he Flame Slashed the Koopa Troop but the Ninjis and Koopatrols easily blocked them, the former throwing shuriken at him in response. Lakitus came in and threw down Spiny Eggs, where he Gale Slashed them away, forcing the Lakitus to get out of the way, then he Lightning Slashed them, which he was responded by a few Koopas firing Bullet Bills at him.

"Hah! I can do this all night! Do your worst!" He declared as he Glacier Slashed the Koopa Troop, although he didn't see where he was and slashed a few of his allies, knocking them on their butts.

"Wow, you weren't kidding!" Captain Goomba said.

"Told you." Tech nodded as Fly Guys flew by and dropped Bob-ombs on him. Major Malfunction responded with Bomb Slashes, unleashing several explosions that knocked his fellow Mandrakes away.

Suddenly, rings wrapped around Major Malfunction's body as a calming magic wrapped around him.

End BGM

"Do you have ANY IDEA what time it is!" A voice demanded as they saw Wendy with a sleep mask above her eyes. "I'm trying to get some beauty sleep around here and YOU are making that difficult, buddy boy! And I don't care if Eggman has a death machine pointing down at us, I'm not messing up my sleep schedule!"

Kamek let out a yawn, wearing a nightgown befitting of the Magikoopa. "Normally, I'd be awake for such a world ending event, but at this rate, I'm not worried… His Nastiness is on the case…"

Another yawn was heard as Roman, also in a nightgown and a nightcap as he rubbed his eyes. "Yaaawn… can't a guy have a little nap in peace…?"

"I feel… better than I was." Major Malfunction said, rubbing his head. "Wait, Tech? Serpentina? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's us." Serpentina nodded.

"There's one thing you should know too. Lord Mordegon is dead." Tech said.

Major Malfunction and his allies jawdropped, their eyes bugged out as they dropped their weapons in shock.

"WHAT?! How come nobody told us?!"

Maybe because you live under a rock… Captain Shy Guy thought to himself.

"I was earning praise by Lord Mordegon! I even had my own battalion and everything and… wow, this is a hard pill to swallow. But you know… that would explain why he stopped responding to my letters…"

Major Malfunction let out a groan. "Oooh… now what do we do!"

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Captain Goomba approached him. "A lot of monsters here are working under our King. His name is Lord Bowser, King of Awesome."

"Whoa… with a name like that, I can see why monsters decided to work for him. Where is he?"

"He's on his way to blow up the Death Egg in the sky." Captain Boo said.

"Really?" Major Malfunction looked up in the sky. "Okay, I see stars, a broken crescent moon, another moon with a face on it… I don't see an egg."

"That's no moon. It's a space station, and it's called the Death Egg." Captain Boo said.

Major Malfunction and his allies jawdropped in shock.

"How powerful is it?"

"Powerful enough to permanently make the moon a crescent… and it's currently pointed at us too." Captain Shy Guy said. "Though, apparently, I've heard the tides in the oceans are still functioning thankfully."

"Not only that, but Atlas and Mantle were destroyed." Captain Boo said.

"Aaaand recently, Argus got nuked." Captain Koopa added. "We got… a few hours left before that thing completely turns us into toast."

Major Malfunction grimaced. "Oh my… I hope this Bowser can destroy it. Kinda worried about my buds and Fluffy Pipsqueak…"

"Alright, everyone. Back to your positions. The threat's neutralized!" Tech said as everyone went back to where they were doing, as the Koopa Troop went back to the castle.


A few minutes later…

"Hey, Miss Secretary?" Captain Shy Guy walked into Bookwyrm's office along with the other captains.

"Oh, hello~! What can I do for you boys?" The Succubat asked.

"What do you know about Major Malfunction?"

"Ooooh, is that who was causing that ruckus? Yeah, I've heard of him… bit of a klutz in battle, if I'm being honest. His name's Mandrake Mal Fun Xion."

"We're just curious what his parents are, because… that doesn't sound like it belongs in a loving family." Captain Goomba said.

"Yeah, if anything, his parents were probably cruel." Captain Koopa said.

"Oh, I can bring that up for you." She said as she searched for his name. "Ah, here we go… Mandrake Mal Fun Xion. You ready to hear his parent's names?"

All four nodded.

"Both of them are still living. The father is Major Misdirection and the mother is Major Miscommunication."

"...I'm sorry. Misdirection and Miscommunication?" Captain Koopa asked.

"Mhm!"

All four stared at her in disbelief while Captain Shy Guy facepalmed with a groan.

"I'm gonna need a drink…"


With names like that, the name's too perfect.

Ibuki: Mhm.

Deadpool: Oh, no doubt about it!

This Gaiden idea was Drei's!