That's A Real Life Bronze Age Priestess Sammy

Chapter 1

Sam Winchester's brother was a demon.

What a fucking joke. The Winchester legacy, their whole life, filled with all that pain and loss and blood and just complete bloody misery, started because of those sulphur breathing black eyed sons of hell bitches, and now his brother was one of them. Well, granted it was Azazael who had Yellow Eyes and there were certainly an angel or two also involved that basically led all four Winchesters to this point in their respective life, death, and afterlife, but Sam didn't have time to fuss over details.

(But Little Nerdy Sammy loves details, practically sleeps with it on his bedside table )

More than half a decade ago Dean's biggest fear, besides going to hell, was that he would come back from it as a demon. While he may never have said all of this to Sam, but the panicked mumblings of his brother while he slept said plenty enough. And Sam never said what was his biggest fear either, that he would have to plunge the demon-killing knife in whichever poor bastard (Or a really really hot chick. Think of the possibilities Sam. I mean, 'if I could' just means 'I definitely would'), he was possessing. Because Sam would not be able to speak the words of the exorcism only to send Dean back to Hell and then come back again. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Just thinking about that whole year infuriated him to his core. The same boiling uncontrollable anger where the only thing that brought even the slightest bit of relief was carefully and inventively planning Lilith's demise. (Which left you wide open to Ruby's manipulations and ending with you becoming a demon blood junkie. Remember? See, details are important little brother.)

However, things were different now. He wasn't trying to hunt or kill any demon, though he wouldn't mind taking a swipe at Crowley if given half a chance. If he could kill a demon just means he most definitely would kill the King of Hell.

Sam took a breathe to forcefully calm himself down. If he were to succeed in tracking and then capturing Dean, he couldn't lose control to his anger. His big brother was a fierce and dangerous man with years of training and experience of killing everything under the sun, but now with demonic powers and the First Blade, he might as well be unstoppable. While the plan sounded simple, catch and keep him bound long enough to perform the demon curing ritual, he knew this was going to be worse than the Trials. But it didn't matter how long it may take or how taxing the task may be, there was no room for failure. Because whatever the thing his brother may have become at the moment, it wasn't his brother, because Dean Fucking Winchester would under no circumstance abandon and leave Sam with just a measly scribbled note. And Sam Fucking Winchester would never stop looking for his big brother.

(Except when he hits a dog.)

What a fucking joke.

The whole Lester thing turned into one big cluster fuck. The Winchesters are much better at improvising anyways. Talking to the security guy at the strip club reassured him that he was on the right track. It was right at the moment when he was trying to think where Dean could have gone next, all the while avoiding that Inigo Montoya-wannabe Cole, that he received the answer to all his prayers from the cause of his continuous troubles.

Crowley.

Apparently, Demon Dean was too much even for the so-called King of Demons. As soon as he realised that he can't control Dean and the Mark, he was quick to give Sam a call.

"The little prat's bad for business. He's...uncontrollable. Must be the Mark. Anyway, Dean's your problem now - again, forever. And you can keep her as well, for now, considering they seem to have imprinted on each other. Cause I'm quite certain that he will rip off the head of anyone who suggests separating them. So get to it, Moose." In his desperation to know more about Dean's location, Sam altogether forgot to ask who the 'her' was.

Which turned out for the best, as it meant he didn't plan anything. Just improvised when the time came, in the good old Winchester fashion.

Even as a demon, habits are had to break. Or rather drinking habits are hard to break. Sam should have known after the strip club of course Dean would be at a bar. From the window he could see that Dean was at the piano and right next to him was a woman. Guess even whoring habits die hard. He was pretty sure that he did not have the element of surprise, so why even bother trying. It's not like he can get a jump on the guy all alone with only one functioning arm. While he would have preferred Castiel by his side and but running on low grace, he wasn't going to make it in time and who knows if Crowley would be able to help again, considering he had just betrayed Demon Dean.

So it was now or never. Like always.

Except the moment never came and he ended up with a face-full of tear gas, all thanks to Cole. Although in all honesty he should be grateful to the sadistic vengeance fuelled killing machine. Turns out the time it took Cole to get his ass served to him by a demon was just the right amount of time for Sam to snap the sigil etched handcuffs on his brother. With Dean secured in the back of the family car, the only problem now was, what to do with the woman? Or even who is the woman? He saw her with his brother when he first entered the bar, and then proceeded to summarily dismiss her as just a bar floozy. But turns out things were complicated. A lot more complicated. That should be the official family freaking motto. Call it annoyance, anger, or just simple exhaustion but he couldn't help but snap at her, demanding to know who she was and what was she doing with Dean.

"I am Muwatti." squeaked the woman. She had an incredibly heavy accent that was difficult to place and was speaking slowly like she wasn't used to talking aloud. Granted being questioned by a furious Sam Winchester, who was also holding the First Blade in his good hand, was certainly not making things easier for the poor woman. "I was cursed and locked inside a clay tablet for over three thousand years. Dean broke it and released me."

"He broke the curse?" said Sam with disbelief heavily marring his voice.

"The tablet actually," interrupted Dean from behind the glass of car, his deep voice only slightly muffled. "And somehow I ended up breaking the curse. It was purely by accident." He continued. "I didn't even know she was in that damn thing." Dean was trying to look and sound aloof but it was evidently clear that he was coming up with entirely new methods for tearing off Sam's limbs and other dangly bits attached to his body while he was at it. "The only reason I was even in that damn museum was because some of the Abaddon's supporters were there to steal some other dust covered centuries old crap to do a spell."

"Squirrel's right."said Crowley while sauntering close to the Impala and the Winchesters. Trust him to show up the moment, all threats and dangers to him have been neutralised and locked away. "No one was more surprised when our boy here shows up with her towing behind like a baby duckling." He chuckled a bit before continuing, '"Little Princess here getting the culture shock to beat all culture shocks. I mean seriously, she's amazed by potatoes. And don't even get her started on swivel chairs. Or do, truth be told it is incredibly entertaining to watch."

With every passing minute Sam could feel the mother of all headaches rapidly gaining momentum inside his skull, and he still had to collect all the items for the curing ritual. Does he take the blood to the priest? No that looks too much like an occult obsessed serial killer. Maybe take the priest to the hospital and then get it blessed by simply telling the priest… some bullshit he would have have to come up later because Crowley was still talking.

"So, it was a pleasure doing business with you, Moose." babbled Crowley . "But how about we stop wasting our time here and you hand over the girl and the Blade to me and then fuck off. Preferably forever."

"What will you do with it?" questioned Sam. Handing over the Blade was easy. The further away that thrice damned ugly ass thing was from Dean, the better it would be for everyone involved. But she was another matter. "And what do you want with her?" For the first time, Sam took a good look at her. She had an olive complexion and was wearing what looked like Dean's shirt and flannel over some leggings. She had identical tattoos of eight pointed stars on the back of both of her palms. But no shoes. She must have picked up the last bit of their conversation, if the unmasked fear on her face was any indication. For obvious reasons she didn't want to be left alone in the tender care of King of Hell.

"Toss it into a volcano, leave it on the Moon." boasted the demon. "I'll get creative. Believe me, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. Your brother knows I ratted. He tends to hold a grudge. I don't want to get…Boned. As for the girl, I simply thought it would be one less thing for you to worry your pretty little head. Wouldn't want that hair to lose its lustrous shine." Turning towards the woman, he continued an increasingly menacing tone, "Now Muwatti dear, if you will."

This sent her in panic as she scrambled to get away for the demon. However before Crowley could get his hands on her, Sam inserted himself between them and with as much venom his drained body could muster, spat out,"You only get the Blade. Because you're not getting her. I mean, seriously Crowley, you think I'll just let you have her after what you just told me. She has been under a curse for thousands of years only to be released to find herself in the company of demons. The last thing she needs is to be used for whatever sick and very much not good plans you clearly have for her." hissed the younger Winchester. "Why the fuck would I do that? So just go to hell. Preferably for forever." And the migraine has landed. Turning towards her, he quickly went back to shouting again and told her to get in the car, which she promptly did. "This doesn't make us square. If I see you again —"

"Oh, stop it, Samantha. No one likes a tease." With that he zapped away.

He had to take a deep breath. And four more after that. He also had to make a mental note to grab as many painkillers he can, the really good strong kind, as soon as possible when he leaves again to grab the blessed blood. He finally sat down in the driver's seat to begin their long journey back home, with Muwatti in the front with him and Dean in the back.

"That hero complex of yours still alive and kicking little brother." Remarked his big brother. "Knew you couldn't resist trying to rescue the damsel from the big bad demon."

Sam's only reply was to command Dean to shut up. It would only be later, much later that he would remember Crowley's remarks about these two imprinting on each other. Because if he was in a state to notice it, he would have seen that even as a demon Dean was relieved to see that she was coming with them to the and wasn't with Crowley.

But to be fair, mother of all migraine.