It was bad enough that his cigarettes had 'mysteriously' disappeared earlier that morning. It was even worse when he was practically dressed as if he were some feeble, old man.
Now David finds himself in a hot, humid RV with his nerdy friend Hal. Sighing in frustration, he takes a lengthy sip from a can of lukewarm cola. The sugary fluid does little to comfort him, further adding to his grumpy mood.
"What's wrong? You should be happy!" chirps Hal, keeping his eyes on the road. "You've left the battlefield behind you, you don't have to worry about FoxDie anymore! You really need to learn how to unwind."
David snorts. "Unwind? Hal, I look like a seventy year old and I'm on fifty fucking pills a day. Relaxation is no more an option than it was on any of my deployments." he says, crossing his arms and scrunchimg his face in annoyance. "And don't start treating me like some grumpy old man, you and I both know that I got enough left in me to kick your skinny ass."
Hal frowns. "See? This is exactly why we're on this trip. You need to see the world through the eyes of a normal man, David. Not the eyes of Solid Snake. You don't have as long left as me or the others, so you gotta make the most out of life...!"
They remain silent for a few moments, until Hal takes out a small white cylinder...
"MINE!" growls David, snatching the object from his companion. He spends a few seconds fruitlessly attempting to light it, but the tip simply melts slightly, creating the unpleasant smell of burnt plastic. "...What the hell...?" drones the even further irritated retiree. Hal laughs slightly.
"Just inhale it! I promise, you'll like it." he says, smiling. David is skeptical, but purses his worn lips to the end of his 'cigarette'. Inhaling, he makes note of the flavour. Artificial, stale, not unbearable but nowhere close to the real thing.
David examines the object, exhaling a cloud of smoke. It's almost completely odourless. "What is this thing?"
"That's an electronic cigarette, David. It uses batteries to work, so you don't need to light it. Also, since you aren't inhaling actual smoke, you'll be giving those lungs of yours a much needed break." his friend explains. He says he'll get him any flavour he wants if he's 'a good boy', receiving a smack to the back of his head in return.
By the time they reach their destination, a carnival in the middle of fucking nowhere, David had depleted the vape's battery.
"So, you dragged me out of bed at four in the morning, stuck me in the back of a moldy RV, drove us halfway across the United States, all to visit a few rusty rides?" David groans, already making plans to pilfer many cigarettes from any unsuspecting carnival guests.
About ten minutes pass, David walking his way around the carnival site, watching people playing the overpriced games, braving the portapottys and risking their lives to ride the visually unwelcoming rides. He made note of more than a few bolts on the ground below these attractions.
"Well, David, are you ready to have some fun!?" exclaims Hal, earning a few awkward looks from the people around them.
David picks up a half smoked cigarette and lights it. "You call this rusted deathtrap fun?" he says, about to take a pull from the burnt out cigarette, before Hal swats it out of his hand. "Hey!"
The scientist shakes his head. "You really need to quit, David. Those things aren't doing you any favours." he scolds, earning an irritated grunt.
David, utilising his many years of infiltration experience, makes his move, pointing towards the ferris wheel. "Holy shit, Hal, look! It's Hatsune Miku!"
Hal immediately runs in the direction of the attraction, faster than David thought possible. "Heh. Gullible as ever." David chuckles, heading further into the carnival site.
Hal reaches the ferris wheel, and looks around excitedly. He sees a girl with long, turquoise hair in the line for the ride, and sneaks his way into the crowd. He activates his experimental stealth camouflage and pushes past a now confused crowd. He loses his glasses in the process, but forgets about it. Miku is his priority.
A few minutes later, he follows the girl into the cupola, sitting opposite from her. Deactivating his camouflage, he looks at her. "Miku! Oh my god, I'm your biggest fan!"
The girl's eyes sparkle. With a deep voice, she says "Könnte es sein!? Meine einzig wahre Liebe!?" She turns around, revealing herself to be one of the carnival's bearded ladies, and built like a Soviet tank.
"...wha?"
"Yo, dawg. You look like you need a pick-me-up." a silhouette whispers to David. He looks down between two tents and sees the shadowy figure. He can smell something weird.
David looks around, making sure Hal wasn't following him. "Uh... I guess?"
David is quickly pulled in by the man, and taken behind into a camouflaged camping tent, behind the stalls. Before he can say anything, the man shushes him. "Relax, nigga, just making sure we ain't seen."
The candlelight in the tent lets David see the mysterious man. He's a young, with dark skin and short black hair. David grunts. "Quite the introduction, though."
The young man chuckles, taking a pull from a beige roll. "Sorry, pops. I just saw you with that dirty thing you tried to light. You seem quite... pent up." he says, exhaling a smelly cloud of smoke, coughing. "Shit, this some good stuff."
David gives him a puzzled look. "Who are you?"
Another pull, another cough, and the man sets down his smoke. "Name's Lewis. And as you can see, this ain't no ordinary attraction." he replies, smiling.
It clicks in David's head. "Ah, so you're a dealer?" David says, looking at the various pipes and containers inside the tent. "I'm guessing you're looking to sell... I've never been fond of drugs, L...ewis... but I'll take anything other than that weird electronic thing I had earlier if you got it."
Lewis' smile grows. "Believe me, man, I got plenty enough to satisfy your needs..."