Chapter 7

Hey everyone. So this chapter comes with a warning. It's written in Brittany's POV, and she comes in contact with some explicit violence. I didn't make it a very long chapter, and the violence part is not that long. I wrote a summary of this chapter in the next one (which I'll upload immediately after this one), so people who don't want to read the explicit things, can just skip this one.

This is a try-out for me, I've never written something like this, so I hope I don't offend anybody or say strange things that don't make any sense. I apologize if you find something offence in this chapter!

Have a nice week everybody!

Brittany's POV – night of the first date

I see the front yard of my home coming closer and closer. It's almost like I can't feel the fear I always feel when I see the contours of that home. This night … Santana told me she loves me! How in the world did I get so lucky? I've been in love with her for a year! Not a single cel in my body was convinced she could ever feel something like that for me.

Did we never came together because of my fears? Because of my lack of confidence? Because of a lack of communication (at both sides)? That's just ridiculous. I shouldn't be so afraid. I just never thought in a million years that somebody like Santana could ever love somebody like me.

Me, Brittany, who's too stupid to get more than C's on every test that school is putting on me. Me, Brittany, who can get so lost in her own words, so nobody can understand a thing of what I'm saying. Me, Brittany, who's too arrogant to be able to be happy in life. Me, Brittany, who has no willpower to keep up a healthy diet. Me, Brittany, who's too selfish to realise I was hurting Santana. Me, Brittany, who's too afraid to protect my sister enough. Me, Brittany, who let's fear overtake, not capable of helping anybody in this world.

What do I do? I love her. I've loved her the minute she looked into my eyes, feeling like I could bear my soul to her without any judgement. But … I don't really know how to let her in. Hell, I don't know how to be in a relationship. I don't think I'm even capable of loving somebody in the right way. I sure as hell don't have the role models for it.

But then … basketball court happened. Sleepover at Quinn happened. I didn't even recognize myself at those moments. Who was that? Was that the real me? Was that me, but without fear? It's just so … confusing.

If I'm really trying to think about things, I do start to realise I missed some hints Santana dropped by. She did mention one time she was more attracted to girls than boys, and that I had something to do with that. For someone like Santana, that was a big step. I hope that she saw in my reaction that she had nothing to fear. As for what I had to do with her feelings … I don't know, she deserves so much more than me.

The other thing, her being afraid that her parents won't accept her for loving girls… I don't think they'll react badly. I really don't think so. She says she's afraid they won't understand her. That for the first part of their lives, faith told them being gay was a sin. But I see how San's parents look to her. She is so loved. She could do anything, they'll be by her side. I'm sure of it.

Oh Santana. I'm just … my world keeps turning, just because of her. She's the reason I exist. She's my soulmate… Unfortunately, I can't be her soulmate. It's not fair to her. I can't be honest with her. I just can't. She came way too close already tonight.

Oh god, she's not going to let this go is she? I just, I just have to convince her to let this go. She doesn't understand. Firstly, in some way, it's not that bad. I mean, there must be a reason I am put through this. And secondly, my primary reason, Charlotte. I don't. No, I can't lose her. She can't come into contact with this. If people start to snoop around in this family, then she'll get taken away from me. Which would be okay, she would have a better life without me, but then I can't protect her from my parents anymore. She needs protection from her parents.

And my mother, … she has so much influence over this town. Who's going to believe ME? The retarded daughter? Who's going to believe that Susan Pierce, most beloved person in this town, would hurt her own child? Nobody. It's better to just leave it be.

And now Santana… I'm afraid. Afraid for her safety, afraid for her mother and father. My mother has influence at every place. She has the chief of police corps at her side. What if she'll get her parents in jail? I know she has put some innocent people in jail. She tells me more than enough. I don't want anybody helping me, risking their own life... Maybe not literally, but you get what I mean.

I slowly enter the hallway, preparing myself for whatever's to come.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm home now" I call in the silent hallway. It's quiet. Too quiet.

I cautiously walk to the kitchen to see if anybody's there. And there is. Ow no. No, no, no, no. My mother's already home. I thought she would still be at work!

My parents are standing next to each other at the kitchen island.

They both look angry. Really angry. My mom's the first one to talk: "You're late, Brittany."

I mentally try to prepare myself for what will come.

"I'm sorry mother, I lost track of time. I promise it won't happen again." I say in a quiet voice.

"What's that Brittany? You know better than to mumble your words." My dad almost barks out. I repeat myself, louder this time.

"How can we believe your apology? They apparently mean nothing to you." My dad answers.

He's talking about the fact that I didn't tell them I'm still cheerleading. And for good reasons! Since they found out about that, they obligated me to follow this crazy 'no-eating' diet. It was the reason why I wanted to quit last year. They were more obsessive about my weight then coach Sue was… which is telling a lot. They want me to shine in that team, give the Pierce name a topic to talk about in town (in a positive way though).

They want me to be the best one, and since they're not convinced I'll do it with my stunts, they try to make sure I look good. Sure… every person who's looking like they are starving are really beautiful… that is sarcastic by the way.

And now that they know I'm cheerleading again… the eat-schedule is full on again. When we're having dinner in the evening, I get a 'personal' plate, which is basically a glass of water and one slice of bread. I'm not allowed to eat breakfast, and the food I bring to school is the most I'm allowed to eat, although that's almost nothing. It's just enough to not bring suspicion at school. I just need to say I'm on a diet and then the problem is solved in their head. They've been using that argument ever since.

I focus my mind back to the conversation, and I snap. I don't want them to ruin my moment with Santana! "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm sorry, I wanted to surprise you and I didn't think it through."

I feel a slap on my right cheek. It starts to burn immediately. "That is no way to speak to your father, young lady." I'm trying to be brave, like Santana told me almost an hour ago now.

"Be careful mom, people might see that someone hit me" I spit out, my words full of venom. I see her eyes glistening, god no, that was not my intention.

"Is that a challenge, you stupid child?" my dad says.

My mom is walking closer to me now, with the most hatred look I've ever seen on her. "I've had an interesting conversation at work dear. I went to the hospital and ran into Victor Lopez … does that name mean something to you?"

I don't respond, it's the safest option. She doesn't even acknowledge my non-reaction. "Apparently he has a daughter who's going to your school. He came to me with a very kind heart and asked for a father to mother conversation."

Oh no, I don't think I want to know where this is going. Of course Santana talked to her parents. She didn't figure out in one evening that someone's hurting me. She probably looked for consolation and advice from her parents. God, I'm so stupid. I should have never let it come this far!

I'm calculating my options to get out of this situation. But our kitchen is not that big. Plus, my mother and non-biological father are both starting to corner me… I have no way out.

"Victor told me he had a very disturbing conversation with his daughter. I didn't quite catch her name, but apparently your dad told me she was here some time ago. Santana? The one who's been here sometimes, to tutor you?"

All the blood started to drain out of my face. No, please, just no, this is not happening. I hope Santana's father didn't talk about the tutoring thing. I told my parents she's tutoring me, since that was the only way they allowed me to be with a friend so much. Just allowing to meet up with anyone is already such a heavy battle to win. I think they don't want me to meet people, for the fear of losing more control over me. The more I'm away from them, the less in control they can be of me.

Luckily, I discovered they prefer me having better grades (hence the tutor thing) then the control they have over me if I stay at this house. It helped. Especially during summer vacation. Being away from home that much helped me. Luckily Charlotte has a lot of hobbies, and during summer vacation she was away from home a lot for summer camps. That gave me the permission to go away from home too, I didn't have to worry about her as long as she's not in a close distance with them.

I focus back on the conversation. My mother is not really paying attention to me, not directly at least. She's just glaring daggers towards the personification of me, while she's finishing up her story.

"He told me that his daughter was afraid somebody is hurting you. He was very concerned, never saw his daughter so panicked before. He was being very nice too. Asking me if I saw something strange in your behaviour. Asking about your real father and my new husband. He was worried. Fortunately, I reacted well. I doesn't matter how. But YOU"

She's pointing one finger towards me, putting it on my sternum. I'm against a wall, so there's not much I can do about that.

"I taught you to be very careful with your injuries. We were always kind enough to put them in places where you could hide them easily enough. How dare you being so disrespectful towards us. Putting MY reputation in jeopardy! I don't know what we did wrong. I blame your real father for you. I really do."

At this point she's literally fuming with anger. I can almost see steam coming out of her ears. I don't think I've ever seen her so bad. She's always the one most in control of her anger.

"Hey sweetie, it's okay. You did great, I'm sure Victor won't do anything, you're great at disarming problems. Don't worry, it's okay. Just take your anger out on her, I want to sleep in peace this evening."

… and that is why Jack is nothing like a father figure for me. I'm sure he's afraid of my mother too. He got worse through the years. My mother's been the worse since the beginning. So as a result of his own fear … instead of helping me, he's using me as a shield. Thanks… thanks a lot.

I see my mother entertain different scenarios in her mind how to get rid of her anger. I've seen this look before. It's like the devil took over…

"Honey, give me your belt, I didn't wear one today. I think this is a time where words don't matter. You know this is a punishment used in medieval times? Those Vikings you're so familiar with, I'm sure they used this tool too. Isn't that nice of me? Thinking in your world about good ways to be a good mother for you? I'm allowed to raise you however I want. You should be grateful I'm giving you a friendly pat on the back like the Vikings did if somebody did something wrong. You could have a lot worse than me Brittie." My mother's using her angelic voice, it's ridiculous, she's like another person when she's talking to her husband. And how dare she use my own interests against me! I know I'm fond of the Nordic men and their history, but … I shouldn't explain myself why her explanation doesn't make any sense at all … right?

My dad slowly takes of his belt… a belt I'm all too familiar with. I'm trying to calculate my escape routes (again, still non-existent. Suddenly, all fight escapes me in a second. I see my little sister's backpack in the living room out of the corner of my eye. It gives me a really painful flashback. Guilt tears me up from the inside of my heart.

I ran away a few weeks ago… It was a disaster. And my sister paid the price for it.

Luckily she wasn't hurt so bad. She's also not that much aware of what is happening to me, I make sure of that. Still, she's starting to grow up too.

I'll do anything in my power to keep her innocent mind as innocent as possible, as long as I can. I'll never forgive myself that I ran away… They always threatened me. If I ran away, they would only hurt me more. Plus, if I didn't come back, they'll always have Charlotte to take care of. I thought they lied.

They always loved Charlotte more than me. I'm not jealous, I'm really happy about that fact actually. At least they leave her alone. I was an accident. An accident from a man that my mother forgot about a long time ago (apparently that's completely my fault).

But I ran, and Charlotte … I felt so bad.

It has been years of pain and hurt, that I don't really care anymore. I just let it be, I accepted the fact that I have abusive parents. That's just the way it is. I hate that they're right, I am stupid. And I am useless. My sister is the one who needs to be protected. They need to release tension from work, and they discovered that that's my purpose. They tell me all the time how wonderful Charlotte is, along with how unwished I am. So… I really didn't think they would hurt her. But I was wrong…

I ran away on the evening that my mom came home when my dad accidentally discovered that I'm (still) cheerleading. It was the evening Santana came to my place, when I lied I was sick. The only reason why I stayed home was because of Charlotte. Even though I believed they wouldn't hurt her, I didn't want her to be alone with any of them.

I hid when my mom came home, because I know I would've paid a lot for the fact that I lied. I considered taking Charlotte with me, but where would we go? I can sleep in the parc, it's okay that I'm cold. But Charlotte did nothing wrong, I can't let her suffer for my mistakes and our parents. It's the main reason I don't like sleepovers. I'm always so scared to leave Charlotte alone with them. What if something does happen? What if … I made myself believe she was safe with them that evening … and what if I was so wrong?!

When I came back home in the middle of the night and went to my room, I heard crying from behind my little sister's bedroom door. When I walked in, I saw her curled up on her bed. "What's wrong sis?" I asked carefully. "mommy… … daddy … head…." She tried to speak clearly, when she was still crying. My heart stood still, I couldn't believe they did it. They hurt her, and it was my fault, completely my fault.

I tried my very best to not burst into tears myself. "Ssh, it's okay Charlie, it's okay. I'm sure they didn't mean it. They just had a bad day. I will make sure it'll never happen again." I assured her of that. And I'm serious. Over my dead body will Charlotte ever get hurt again... I gently lied my body down next to her and kept her in my arms, singing the lullaby from frozen II until she fell asleep.

When I was sure she was asleep, I went to my own room debating if I should confront my parents or not. My protection genes won and I burst into my parents room. "You hurt Charlotte!? How could you guys do that to her, I thought you loved her!" I say with a strong voice (or at least I hope it was a strong one).

My stepfather was already asleep. Susan answered in a silent, but very threatening voice. "Be quiet Brittany, your father is asleep. It's your own fault, you shouldn't have run away. This one is on you." As she's saying that, she's starting to climb out of bed and starts walking to me.

"Since your back, let me teach you one more lesson."

She's walking towards me, while I'm walking backwards. I'm terrified, but I don't make a sound. I don't want to wake Charlotte, it took me an hour to get her to sleep. However, you can't walk backwards forever in a room. My back hits the wall on a certain point. I'm tall, but she has so much power over me. I don't know how she got that power. Maybe I could win a physical fight, but my own brain can't seem to give my muscles full permission to do that.

Even though I'm strong, it's not that easy to fight against them. The past learned me that fighting them only leads to more pain. When she's only a few inches apart of me she starts talking again. "So you think it's okay to lie to us? I thought we raised you better than that… Then again, you're not the brightest human being out there. Apparently not an obedient one either. Let's make it very clear. I did not enjoy hurting my daughter. She doesn't deserve it. This is all your fault. You made us do it."

My heart sinks to my feet, because I know she's right. If I wouldn't have run away, then she wouldn't have get hurt. But be that as it may be, nobody else in my school gets hit by their parents because they do something wrong. Santana doesn't. Quinn doesn't. Even Mike, who has such strict parents doesn't get hit.

Anger from the imprinting image of a crying Charlotte makes me speak up again. "Well if you guys wouldn't be crazy and hurt me in the first place, then there wouldn't be a problem at all. It's not my fault my father didn't want to stay with you. It's not my fault if you have a bad day at work. It's not my fault if you feel angry!"

I realise the second I said that I made the wrong move. My mother snaps. One moment she's just standing before me, next thing I know, her hands are on my neck. A force so strong is suddenly overwhelming me. Hard.

I can't breathe. At all. After a few seconds I'm starting to feel dizzy. Instinct starts to kick in and my hands start to scratch her hands, trying to push them away. Except I already lost a lot of energy. She's too strong now, and my strength is lessening even more within seconds.

After what seems like a lifetime struggle I blackout. I wake up the next morning, in my pyjama, wishing nothing else has happened after I lost conscious. At least she had the decency to put me back in bed instead of on the ground. Or woke up Jack to do that. I don't know. I don't want to know either. They did that before, putting me back in my own room: 'the indignity of needing to sleep in the same room as me …'.

God my throat hurts … guess I'll have to wear a scarf for some days again. Luckily I've started to get better in hiding up injuries on my neck. You know there's like these special concealers for hickies? Well, they are perfect to conceal things on the neck alright.

The only reason I had the guts to run away that evening, was because Santana inspires me. She always tells me to be brave. The way she holds herself together in school… I don't agree with the way how she can be mean to people, but she's so comfortable in her own shoes. And she owns it for herself to not lose part of her for others. It's inspiring.

She hates when people at school see me like a dumb person. But it's okay. I have some black outs, either from being sleep-deprived or from hitting my head to hard or something. I think it's a coping mechanism to go through my day at school. The only problem with that is that I don't always remember what I said or did at school. Keeping my distance from people is a good solution. In that way I take as much control over my life as I can.

Keeping my distance from people also means no expectations, less punishment. It's as simple as that.

I figured out a long time ago that my situation at home isn't normal. Though once I realised that, I couldn't say anything to anyone. They threatened to throw me out and separate me from Charlotte. I can't leave them alone with Charlotte. She deserved better parents then that.

And if that doesn't convince me, than the fact they say nobody will believe me, assures me of that. Who will believe a stupid teenager above two adult people. One person even the most important lawyer of this very town!

I don't deserve more, just like I don't deserve Santana. I'm weak, and I'll always be. The only thing that's important is savouring the happiness of Charlotte… and now Santana's too.

My dad pushes me by my wrists against the wall. "Where did you go in your mind, lost in emptiness? I can't believe how brainless you can be. Thought this thing was over yet!? Turn around" he says in a commanding voice.

I do as he says, praying that I can keep quiet, so Charlotte won't hear me. I prepare myself for when my mom will start to hit my back. I can't believe that's a real thing. Did she really get the inspirations of my explanations from the Vikings and their laws and ways of punishments? Is it my fault she does this?

It hurts like hell. They didn't do this that much before. I think mostly for the reason that it has a higher chance of being visible. You never know who can see the wounds… Guess it isn't a problem tonight. She must be pissed off as hell right now.

I hear my mom breath in, ready to strike for the first time. I see out of the corner of her eye a smile on her lips. The sick thing about all this is that I actually believe they both enjoy hurting me.

"Wait" my dad yells. Uh, what's happening?

"She's still wearing her uniform, we can't have her show up at school with a damaged uniform, what will they think?" … Okay, no hope I guess, just looking out that nobody'll find out.

"You're right, thanks honey, I almost forgot… You see what you're doing to me Brittany? You almost made me forgot such an important thing! I'm not thinking straight anymore. I had a case with the police today where I needed to do some convincing because of a problem in evidence. Plus that conversation with that father … Never mind. Brittany, take of your shirt."

My hands are starting to tremble now. I know she said that for a reason, the part about the police. She's said something between those lines a thousand times. Just to make me realise that she has the Lima police in her hands and I don't stand a chance.

I carefully take of my shirt and keep it in my right hand. Then the first strike hits me.

Every fibre in my body is screaming at me. I'm doing everything in my power to not scream. Over the years I've started to get the hang of it. But my mom must've really had a bad day in combination with what she discovered today, because it doesn't stop. I lost count after 15. I think I started bleeding after the second hit. Normally they don't let it come that far to get it visible. Bleeding is difficult to hide from the outside world. It's the intern bleeding that's easier to hide. Just some concealer and it is fixed. External bleeding is more difficult.

After a few more hits, I can't hold it in anymore, I scream it out. "Shut up. You're going to alarm Charlotte" my father hisses at me. My head snaps towards my dad, at the exact moment my mom took another beating at me, which caused the belt hitting my face, just below my right eye.

Except, it was already too late. I hear someone running down the stairs. I'm too afraid to look. "Wwwhat.. is happening here? Why are you hurting Britty?" I hear my dad move and see him covering me, so Charlotte won't see me. Then I hear my mom gently walking over to Charlotte to give her a hug.

"Nothing's going on sweety, Brittany just did something wrong, we're telling her it's not okay what she did. But go back to bed now, we'll come in a few minutes." Charlotte answers in a really small voice "Bbbut I heard Brittany, sshe sounded upset."

"She's okay honey, right Brittany?" My dad elbows me in my flank and he warns me with his eyes.

I gulp and swallow deeply, ignoring the fact that I think I'm tasting blood. "Yyeah little angel, everything's fine, go back upstairs please, I'll say goodnight soon." I try to smile to her while I say that, but Jack is blocking my view, so I look away again.

"See, you heard her, go back to bed. It's past your bedtime already. No discussion." My mom tells Charlotte in a slightly stern voice. I hear tiny footsteps walking back upstairs. The minute we hear a door close Jack turns me around and pushes me against the wall. It's my mom who takes the word "You stupid little bitch. You just couldn't stay silent couldn't you? Now look what you've done, you've scared Charlotte. You shouldn't even be allowed to be her sister." she whispers aggressively in my ear.

I don't know what to do, I've already lost almost all my strength due to the hitting of the belt on my back, the pain is killing me right about now. I see red dots in my point of view. That's not good. And now that my stepfather is pushing me against the wall, I can't really think anymore, it hurts too much.

"Let her go honey. I think we've done enough for the day. Let her fix herself up. It's a schoolday tomorrow. We can see how we finish this on the weekend. It's unfortunate she's bleeding too much right now, let her fix herself up, we don't want any traces in this house." My mother tells in a poisonous voice.

He grumbles at that, but let's go off my wrist, which hurt from the blood that's suddenly allowed back to pump towards my hands. "Ug fine, you're right. I'm taking a walk. Care to join me Susan? We can walk of the rest of this. Savour it for the weekend." He says that last part while looking aggressively to me.

My mom walks past me, which results in me hitting my head against the wall again. My muscles were too weak to react in time. She either didn't realise or didn't care, because she just starts speaking to me again. "Go put your shirt on and take care that you don't spill blood on the bedsheet. Say goodnight to your sister but don't make her more worried and then go to your room." My ears have started to hiss and I'm not sure I've heard everything she said to me. Not that it matters that much right now. I'm starting to see black from dizziness and pain on my back and wrists. And old wound from being hit in my stomach comes seizing up again too, it's like everything in my body has just worsened and woke up again.

I vaguely hear the front door closing. It's silent in the house now. I want to close my eyes and not wake up for a week. But I don't. I know that if I'll stay here in the kitchen when they return, they'll get angry again. It's like they don't want to be confronted with what they did right after they did it.

I drag myself towards the stairs, and then towards the bathroom with the last spark of energy I have left in my body. I don't even try to take of the rest of my clothes. I push my body into the bath. After that, I'm lost. I can't see a thing, my mind is screaming from the pain signals it gets from my body. The dizziness from hitting my head isn't helping either.

In a faraway distance I hear small feet walking towards me. After some time I feel water flowing over my body in like the perfect amount of warmth. When the water hits my back, it doesn't really hurt anymore. It's more like tingling then hurting. Once soaked to the bone I feel somebody putting a towel around me and dropping a small kiss on my forehead. The last thing I remember is whispering: "Let me protect you for once Britty. Just like Anna and Elsa do for each other in Frozen."

After that there's only blackness before I get a fright from hearing the rooster from a faraway neighbour, realising I'm going to be late for school. Shoot, I can't be late, I promised Santana I'd be there!