Chapter 15: Showdown at the Rattlesnake Roundup
(Also known as Part Five but I'm getting tired of just writing the same title repeatedly. In any case, this is the last chapter before we move to the season finale and things are about to get...hectic.)
It was easy enough for Lisa to enter the building without arousing much suspicion. There was only a single man behind the front desk and he was currently sleeping. "You can always count on the elite to cut corners somewhere." She murmured to herself as she snuck past the sleeping man. She wandered the hallways for a few minutes, acting as natural as she possibly could. The only other person she happened upon was a woman in a business suit who stopped to question her.
"Who are you? Do you have permission to be here?" She asked.
"O-Of course I do!" Lisa answered. "I was sent by Mr. Texan to drop some stuff off in his office."
"What stuff?"
"The stuff in this backpack." Lisa lied. She knew it was a dumb lie and she would have to lay the woman out if she kept asking questions or tried to look in the bag. To her surprise, however, after spending a few minutes looking Lisa over, the woman sighed and pointed down the hall. "His office is at the end of that hall."
"Oh...uh, thanks!" Lisa briskly walked past the woman, trying not to make eye contact. Once the nervous teen was out of earshot, the woman muttered to herself as she continued down the hall. "Goddamn rich people and their drugs. I'm going on my lunch break."
Once Lisa was inside the office, she closed the door behind her and took a moment to recompose herself.
"That was far too close for comfort."
"You're telling me," Lisa agreed. "I thought I'd get caught for sure."
"At least, they would have only pegged you for trying to play PETA with the cowboy's rattlesnakes."
"Don't ever utter that name again," Lisa growled as she removed her backpack. "In any case, we can't afford to play it safe anymore." She moved around the various books and school equipment inside until she found the most important item of all.
Her mask.
"I take it, you're prepared to kill if the need arises right?"
"Only if." Lisa confirmed as she slipped on the mask, the entire wide office shrinking into two ovals of vision. "And I honestly hope it doesn't come to that." Closing up her backpack and putting it back on, Lisa began to rummage through the office. It soon became apparent that she wasn't going to find the rattlesnakes in there but she was certain that there was something within this office that could help her out.
She would find it sitting inside of one of the drawers of Richard's desk. One she had a bit of trouble opening at first.
"Come...on..you stupid.." Lisa nearly fell back when the drawer finally opened. She paused for a few moments to see if the whole thing would collapse with how violent that jerk was and when it didn't, Lisa resumed her rummaging. "Let's see. A bottle of Texas whisky. A spare cowboy hat. An old yo-yo. A card deck with pictures of naked women? Yuck!"
"What's wrong? I thought you liked naked girls." The Beast laughed.
"I'm bisexual! Not a perv!" The angered feminist slammed the playing deck back inside the drawer, causing the contents inside to shift a little. It was because of this that she was able to spot the corner of a paper underneath a pocket copy of the Bible. Carefully, she gripped the corner with her thumb and index finger and pulled it out from under the book. It was folded and as Lisa unfolded it, she was delighted to see it was a map of the building's interior. Her excitement only grew as she spotted a room on the other side with a cartoony picture of a snake on it. "Bingo!"
Lisa fixed everything back into place as best she could. She even fixed up the deck of lewd playing cards although not without grumbling. The map, however, stayed in her pocket as she stepped out of the office. She considered removing her mask so as to pass herself off as a normal girl again but decided against it. It would be safer to steal those rattlesnakes if she was wearing a disguise and as far as she knew, no one in town even knew what the Animal Avenger looked like, all that did get to see her never lived long enough to tell.
"It's down stairs across the hall," Lisa told herself as she quietly inched toward the snake room. As she grew closer to her destination, she tried to plan out her next move. "Okay, there's bound to be more snakes I can carry at once. At most, I might be able to carry two terrariums at once...oh boy."
"You could just release them all at once and let them slither around." The Beast suggested. "I'm sure they could find their own way back to the wild."
"I know you're joking," Lisa sighed. "And even if you aren't, there's no way people would leave them alone long enough to escape." Lisa felt her heart sink as the reality that she may not be able to save all the rattlesnakes set in. "If only I had planned this more carefully. If only my mind wasn't so...cloudly lately."
"Hey Goldilocks! I think we found it!" The Beast said.
Lisa brought herself out of her head and sure enough, she was right outside the door where the snakes were supposedly kept. She could hear faint hissing from behind the door and smiled beneath her mask. "As I said before, Bingo!" She slowly opened the door and switched on the light.
Within the room were 20 terrariums lined neatly in rows of five. Within each terrarium were about five rattlesnakes. Most of them were asleep or barely moving, having been kept sluggish by the lack of light in the room. A few of the livelier ones were shaking their rattles in surprise at the light suddenly coming on. Lisa walked over to one of the terrariums and leaned in close. One of the rattlesnakes noticed her presence and flicked its tongue as it shook its rattle, wanting to keep this newcomer away. The other four snakes in the enclosure were barely moving but still alive as far as Lisa could tell. One of them was even opening its eyes.
"My God," Lisa whispered. "You're all so beautiful. And to think what they're planning to do." Lisa felt her blood boil but forced herself to give up her anger before the Beast even had a chance to speak. "I gotta focus! I gotta get these guys out of here before Krusty's show is over."
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"
Lisa froze. Beneath the shadows of her mask, her face twisted in an expression of pure terror as the familiarity of the voice speaking behind her set it. "No! Not now!" Turning her head, Lisa's worst fears were confirmed as she found Richard Texan standing at the doorway, both hands holding pistols pointed toward her.
"Well, if it isn't the Animal Avenger herself."
"Come on now! Steady! Steady!" Krusty was sweating bullets. Every eye in the audience was fixed on him but his focus was strictly on the task at hand. He was sweating profusely and thanking God and the Rich Texan that his makeup was sweat-proof. "Steady! Steady!" With a trembling hand, he held up a single blue ring and held it in a throwing motion. "Center yourself. Center yourself." The clown took a deep breath and let it out as a longing exhale. His hand stopped trembling and with a mighty shout, or at least one as mighty as a somewhat sober Krusty the Clown could muster, he tossed the ring toward the rhinoceros standing in front of him. The ring slipped nicely over the animal's horn and joined its multicolored brethren in a pile resting on its snout. The rhino, having been given plenty of hay before the show, simply continued to chew on the last of its meal as the audience cheered.
"Give it up for Rocksteady!" Krusty cried out as the trainers led the rhino away. "And now, for all you classic music fans," Mr. Teeny will perform One by Metallica!" Krusty pointed toward the front of the stage where his chimpanzee sidekick was sitting on a wooden stool with a guitar in his hands. At first, it seemed as if the chimp would only screech and howl at the audience, clearly not in the best mood. However, after a few seconds of angry primate noises, Mr. Teeny settled down and began to play the song, his expression still angry.
The audience quieted themselves as they listened on. Not everyone was paying attention, however.
"Where's Lisa?" Marge groaned. "She's missing the whole show!"
"Maybe all those agua friskies gave her pee diarrhea," Maggie suggested.
"Maggie, for the last time, there is no such thing as pee diarrhea!"
"That's just what the urinal cake companies want you to think," Maggie whispered.
"Relax Marge," Homer placed a hand on his wive's shoulder. "You know how sensitive Lisa is about all that animal rights junk."
"But it's a family outing!" Marge argued. "Can't she just put those things aside for a few hours?"
Homer's only response was to shrug.
Bart, meanwhile, focused his attention elsewhere. Since the show began, he had been keeping an eye on Nelson and Jessica, waiting for the opportunity to talk to his out-of-reach crush. He quietly munched his hot dog and sipped his soda, both of which he got from vendors walking among the audience. After what seemed like an eternity, he saw Nelson get up and walk away, presumably to grab Jessica something to snack on.
Now was his chance.
Scarfing down his hot dog and emptying his soda in a single gulp before throwing the bottle near the trash can, (It shattered upon impact with the ground.) Bart got up from his seat and walked toward Jessica.
"And just where do you think you're going!?" Marge called out, stopping Bart in his tracks.
"I uh...I was going to go say hi to a friend real quick." Bart said sheepishly.
"What part of family outing do you kids not understand!?" Marge shouted. "Sit back down Mister!"
"Oh Marge, come on," Homer said. "The boy just wants to say hi to a friend for a few minutes. It's fine."
"It's not fine!" Marge screamed, suddenly standing up and forcing herself away from her husband's arms. "We're supposed to be spending this time together as a family and the kids keep trying to wiggle away!"
A few of the other audience members turned their gazes from Mr. Teeny's solo to Marge's outburst, something which Homer was quick to notice. "H-Honey, stop! You're making a scene!"
"I'm making a scene!? Oh, that's rich coming from Mr. Defense!"
Homer's expression turned from fretful to angry in a fraction of a second. "I was caught in the throughs of the sports world. It wasn't my fault!"
"Oh, so it's okay for you to make an ass out of yourself but not me?"
"I paid for my hubris with a football to my stomach, Marge!"
By now, everyone sitting within earshot of the Simpsons was watching them instead of Mr. Teeny. Bart and Maggie were blushing in second-hand embarrassment, the latter hiding her face behind a bag of peanuts. Even as he was caught up in another argument with his wife, Homer could see Bart in distress and decided to play Good Father one final time before losing himself in the upcoming verbal scuffle. "Bart, just go see your friend."
"R-Right!" Bart took the chance his father had given him and practically sprinted down toward Jessica. Maggie watched in disbelief as her brother bolted, leaving the sole center of unwelcome attention aside from her feuding parents. "Dammit Bart!" She thought. "When this is over I'm so gonna kick you in the balls!"
Oh, so now you're undermining my motherly authority!?" Marge snapped in a harsh voice
"I just don't think the kids need to be around while we're yelling at each other and causing a public disturbance!" Homer shouted in a harsher tone. He wasn't trying to be sarcastic with his words either, spelling out the situation as it appeared was just another one of his Homerisims.
For the last time that day, Marge agreed with her husband.
"Maggie, go find Lisa and bring her back here already!" She demanded as she turned toward her daughter. Maggie was startled by her mother's sudden and sharply-toned request but at that very same moment, immense relief washed over her as she realized she had been given an out from this humiliating nightmare. "Yes Ma'am!" She wasted no time sprinting toward the nearest exit as Homer and Marge continued their fruitless argument.
Mr. Teeny, who had stopped playing as their voices rose above his guitar shredding to wait for them to finish, realized with an annoyed growl that they were not going to stop anytime soon and continued his riff, much to the enjoyment of those in the first three rows before him.
"A-Animal Avenger?" Lisa stammered. "I have no idea who that is! I-I'm just an ordinary teenage girl!"
"An ordinary teenage girl huh?" Richard challenged. "What kind of ordinary teenage girls walk around with fox masks in public?"
"Lots since the J-pop band Rainy Kitsune blew up!" Lisa crossed her arms, certain she had won the argument.
"...in America?" Richard replied with a sly smile of his own.
"...Shit!" Only now did Lisa remember that little tidbit of information. Her mind was more scrambled than she realized.
Richard chuckled as he stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind him with his foot. "I have to say, Little Miss Animal Avenger, you're not exactly what I was expecting."
"Why? Because I'm a girl!?" Lisa asked in an accusatory tone.
"Are you kidding?" Richard exclaimed with genuine confusion. "I've known all along that you were female! Only a woman could think to kill a man in as horrible a fashion as you did to that boy on the Youtube video!"
"O-Oh." Lisa felt herself blush beneath her mask could have sworn she heard the Beast groan.
"No, I meant I didn't expect you to be a teenager. To think all those men and a few gutsy women were all slain by a little girl!"
"Hey! Don't talk down to me like I'm just some little kid!" Lisa growled.
"Lisa! Calm down! Can't you see he's just trying to get under your skin?"
Lisa felt herself tremble slightly as she realized the Beast was right. Around this time, Richard had halted his movement toward the teenage serial killer, his pistols at the ready to riddle her full of holes. He was practically cackling at this point and Lisa felt her blood boil as she realized he was savoring every single second of this situation.
"Well sure you are and kids should listen to their elders. So why don't you be a good little girl and step away from the rattlesnakes?" Both of his guns sounded with a click that told Lisa he was serious.
Sighing, she complied, raising her hands up and taking one reluctant step after another away from the doomed reptiles. "Why are you doing this?" She asked as she walked, her eyes glaring at the smug Texan from beneath her mask. "Why don't you just shoot me now or turn me in?" As she asked this, one of her hands tilted toward her slightly open backpack.
"What? And end the fun so soon?" Richard said as he watched Lisa like a hawk. "You were about to sabotage my Rattlesnake Roundup and I just can't let that go without some payback!"
"But why? Why skin these beautiful innocent creatures!?" Lisa was nearing the door now as her hand neared the opening of her backpack
"Beautiful? Innocent? Just what kind of drugs are you kids taking these days?" Richard asked. "Snakes are nothing but vicious, disgusting, legless demons from Hell! Haven't you ever read the story of Adam and Eve?"
"Please don't tell me you're going to use that as an excuse!" Lisa complained. "Even if you're tempted into something, it's still your choice to follow through or not. Don't blame some magical talking reptile for your misdeeds!" Her fingertips brushed the hilt of one of her knives and wasted no time gripping it. "A real man takes responsibility for his actions."
"Is that right?" Richard asked with a cocked eyebrow. "Alright, then I hereby take full responsibility for this!"
It all happened in a fraction of a second. Lisa pulled the knife out with the intent of wedging into Richard's skull. She was already lowering her body so as the dodge the bullets that would surely come for her once he inevitably fired. Lisa had tried this method before when handling a gun-wielding opponent. All the past times, their eyes were too fixed on Lisa's moving hands to notice the rest of her body moving. It was a simple trick to confuse an amateur with a firearm.
But Richard Texan was no amateur.
Although two guns were pointed at Lisa, only one fired, the one in his right hand. The bullet raced through the top of Lisa's left shoulder just as her arm moved to throw the knife. She cried out as blood splattered upon her mask and neck. She let go of the knife without meaning to and backed away as the cold steel embedded itself into the wooden floor. She clutched the newly formed wound, wincing as she felt the blood flow freely against her palm, all while Richard laughed and laughed.
"Yee-haw! Now that's what I call a rush!" He exclaimed. "Nothing gets the ol blood pumping like showing a no-good varmint the ol what for!"
"Shit!" Lisa thought over and over again. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest. The blood from where the bullet grazed her was flowing into the left side of her shirt now, dyeing it a sickening red. Sweat formed on her brow and fell into her eyes, causing them to sting and blurring her vision of the laughing madman before her. "Run," She finally thought after what seemed like an eternity. "I have to run!"
And run she did, nearly tearing the door off of its hinges as she ran. Richard didn't bother giving chase or even firing his pistols again. He wouldn't need to. "I've already sent everyone in this building out for the roundup." He said to himself. "And I know the townsfolk would be on my side even if you had the gall to leave this building." He lifted up his pistols and shouted in excitement as he began shooting bullets into the ceiling. "Face it, Animal Avenger! There's no escape and this time, you're the hunted! Yee-Haw!"
Awakened by the constant gunplay, the grouchy rattlesnakes hissed and rattled from inside their terrariums, almost as if voicing their displeasure.
"Aww shut up, you belts-in-waiting!" Richard growled.
Bart Simpson was by definition, an idiot. He was nowhere near as dim-witted as his father of course but he was an idiot nevertheless. He himself would admit to this multiple times in his life and one of those times would be right here, right now as he hovered over Jessica Lovejoy in the bleachers. He was so focused on getting this chance to speak to her alone that he had put absolutely zero thought into what he was actually going to say to her. Instead, he simply stared at her from behind as Mr. Teeny finished his solo, threw some of his fecal matter at a man who heckled his routine back at the beginning, and ran off the stage while hollering angrily.
"Uhh..Hey Hey! Give it up for Mr. Teeny! And now, who wants to see a lion-tiger-bear dance routine!?"
"Oh my!" The audience replied in response.
"Come on, man!" Bart thought to himself. "This is your chance! Don't wuss out now!" He swallowed as much saliva as he possibly could and forced himself down to the bottom of the bleachers. Jessica hardly took notice as he stood right next to her, quietly sipping her cola as she watched Krusty and his wranglers struggle with the animals.
"Um...Jessica?"
Jessica sucked a little more soda from her drink but didn't so much as turn in Bart's direction.
"Jessica?"
The daughter of Timothy and Helen Lovejoy blinked, her eyes still focused on the show.
With a loud groan, Bart stepped in front of his crush. Finally, she responded to his existence with a waving motion of her hand urging Bart to move. "Will you get out of the way Bart? I'm trying to watch the show!"
"Not until you listen to what I have to say," Bart replied before once again swallowing out of nervousness. "I-I need to tell you something. Something important."
Jessica uttered a noise that could best be described as the lovechild of a scoff and a sigh, her eyes rolling in their sockets and her outstretched hand waving one more time in a dismissive motion. "Alright. Make it quick!"
Bart opened his mouth but the words took far longer to leave his mouth than he had anticipated. And when they finally did leave his lips, they were hushed and submissive in tone. "J-Jessica. You and I, have been seeing each other for a while now. At least, that is what it seemed like to me. Maybe not for you but...
"Will you get to the point already?" Jessica interrupted.
"Look, I don't know exactly what we had and I'm not gonna pretend it was anything special if it wasn't but I think we should break it off."
"Break it off?" Jessica cocked an eyebrow as she sipped her soda. "What are you prattling on about?"
"Stop playing dumb! You know what I'm talking about!"
Jessica looked up and tapped her finger to her chin as if lost in thought, only to smack her lips and shake her head. "Afraid I don't."
Bart was getting infuriated. What was Jessica's endgame here? What would she get out of messing with him like this or was dragging out this already uncomfortable moment for him and making him suffer as a result award enough for her? Bart felt tempted to just say nevermind and turn right back around to his parents who he was certain were still at each other's throats. The thought alone was enough to make him reconsider, however. That and the simple fact that he knew he wouldn't get another chance like this again. Nelson would come back at any moment and Bart needed to break things off now before anyone but him got seriously hurt.
"Look, this is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about! You do nothing but toy with me and I've had it!"
"Had what?" Jessica stood up and tossed her empty soda cup onto the bleacher floor. "Bart Simpson, just what are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying it's over, Jessica. I'm not gonna see you behind Nelson's back anymore."
"What!?"
Bart and Jessica both froze. They stared at each other with wide, fearful eyes for what seemed like hours. Cautiously, they both turned toward the direction of the shocked, hurt voice. Standing before them with a ring of spilled snack foods surrounding his feet was Nelson Muntz.
"Oh." Jessica muttered.
"Crap." Bart finished.
"Lisa! Lisa! Where are you?" Maggie called out in a hushed tone. She had spent the better part of the last 12 minutes wandering the festival unsupervised. Of course, this didn't really matter to her as she was just happy to get away from her feuding parents. She sighed as she recalled to how happy they were just this morning before Lisa's disappearance. "This is all her fault," She thought bitterly. "If she just hadn't snuck off, Mom and Dad wouldn't be fighting!" Maggie shook her head. "No! This is no time to be passing blame on everyone else. That comes later. Right now, I just need to find Lisa." With a heavy sigh, Maggie continued her search for the missing bookworm. "Lisa! Lisa!"
As Maggie walked through the crowd, she found herself glancing at all the different stands on either side of her. Some were selling cheaply made food on a stick, the aroma from these stands making the youngest Simpson's mouth water. (She was her father's daughter after all) Others were lined with giant teddy bears and other outrageous prizes no one in their right mind would hope to get. This didn't stop the carnies manning these stands from pointing at Maggie, calling out the color of her dress, (it was light blue), and gesturing for her to try her luck. She, of course, ignored them.
As she turned the corner onto the next path, however, her eyes fell upon a stand she simply couldn't ignore. Not because the stand itself was particularly interesting but because of the unmistakable mug wiping down the counter.
"Moe?" Maggie ran up toward the counter. "Moe, is that you?"
"Huh?" Moe's looked down and his remaining eye practically flew out from its sockets as he spotted the girl. "Mags? What are you doing here?" He looked around fervently. "Where's your father?"
"He's at the circus show," Maggie replied with a thumb pointed back the way she came. "All the family's there."
"Well, why aren't you there?"
"Lisa went to go to the bathroom a while ago and Mom sent me to look for her," Maggie explained, conveniently leaving out the part about her parent's arguing. Not wanting to think about that and having questions of her own anyway, she changed the subject. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" Moe grew nervous as he remembered he was being watched. Jonny Tight-Lips had left to go to the show but Louie, having a crippling fear of clowns, stayed behind. He was glaring at Moe from behind while wiping down his own counter. "J-Just expanding my enterprises! Yeah! I thought this festival would be the perfect opportunity to make a little extra cash!"
"Did you?" Maggie asked with piqued interest.
"I sure did!" Moe laughed as he held up two stacks of cash and kissed them both. Louie uttered a growl from behind, reminding Moe that 90% of that money was going straight into Fat Tony's wallet. Moe sighed and put the money back up. Now it was his turn to change the subject. "So uh...Mags? How's your father doing?"
"Dad? He's...fine." Maggie looked down nervously. If only she had bumped into Moe earlier she would have been able to say that with confidence. "He's been a little more grumpy since he stopped dropping by your bar."
"Hey! It's not like I banned him." Moe defended.
"I know." Maggie retorted. "It's just things haven't been the same since that night." Her lips quivered. "I'm sorry I got you wrapped up in my problems, Moe!"
Moe's heart ached as he saw his favorite child of Homer Simpson on the verge of tears. "Hey hey! Don't you be apologizing for nothing! I'm the idiot that stuck his stubby nose where it didn't belong. I'm sorry for getting you in trouble with your father. I'm sure I made this worse at home."
"N-No!" Maggie sniffled. "You really didn't! I promise!" She wiped her eye. "I just meant it's a little awkward is all."
Moe had been to many a poker game and thrown out many a cashless bum. He could tell that Maggie was lying or at least not being completely straight with him but he decided to leave it be. After all, regardless of what was going on, he was certain he would just make things worse. He always did. "Listen Mags, it ain't good to be wandering around by yourself at your age. You never know what kind of creeps and weirdos might be prowling the area and I can't exactly use my shotgun on public premises no more."
Both of them chuckled.
"So why don't you head back to your family and enjoy the rest of the roundup?"
"But what about my sister?"
"Liser?" Moe scoffed. "Come on, Mags! This is Liser we're talking about! You'd really think she'd want to gut a bunch of snakes for craps and chuckles?"
"I...I guess you're right." Maggie sighed. "I just hope she knows Mom's gonna give her an earful when she does come back."
"Ah she's a big girl. I'm sure she could handle herself." Moe reached down and scruffled Maggie's hair, earning another chuckle from the young girl. "Now get out of here ou little scamp!"
"See you later, Moe!" Maggie giggled as she ran off back toward her parents. She knew it would be a fruitless effort but she might as well try to reason with her mother concerning her daughter's ethics. Maybe even get her and Homer to stop fighting. After talking with Moe, Maggie felt as if she could do anything.
Moe sighed in contentment as he watched Maggie vanish into the crowd, his elation this time a far cry from when Viper left, innocent and almost fatherly. "They grow up so fast." He thought.
"Hey, Moe!" Louie hissed as he walked up to Moe. "Just what was all that about? Who was that girl?"
"Huh? Oh she's just the kid of one of my regulars." Moe handwaved. "She likes to talk to me sometimes. It ain't no big deal."
Without warning, Louis suddenly gripped Moe's collar and bashed him against one of the support beams, knocking a few of the display beers down in the process. "Not a big deal huh?" Louie growled. "Oh I'd say this is a big deal! A great big deal!"
"W-What's your problem?" Moe choked out as the mobster began to squeeze his throat.
"The problem is that the Mafia game ain't no game for little kids!" Louie growled. "Oh sure they might look cute but kids talk! Kids squeal! And if that little runt sees anything funny, she's bound to blab and that information's heading straight to the cops!"
"N..No.." Moe gasped. "Maggie's not like that! She's a good kid!"
"I'm telling you this for your own good Moe. Keep that kid away or else we either have to whack her or enlist her. Either way, she won't be having a happy childhood!" With this, Louie turned and threw Moe onto the ground, a small cloud of dirt rising up as he made contact. "Now let's get this place cleaned up and packed," Louie said as he wiped his hands clean. "That's circus show's gonna end soon and I want to see what the buzz about that Rattlesnake Roundup is about."
As Louie went to work, throwing all the unsold beer into an ice cooler, Moe struggled to his feet. His neck was sore and the back of his head was throbbing. He rubbed it, winced in pain, and examined his hand to find blood on his fingertips. Anger and fear boiled in equal measure as Louie's warning repeated itself within his aching head.
Keep that kid away or else we'll either have to whack her or enlist her. Either way, she won't be having a happy childhood!"
"That cocksucking low-life!" Moe thought to himself as he fixed his back in place with a loud painful crack. "I outta kill right now from threatening Mags like that!" He glared at Louie as the mobster cracked open one of the beers and gulped it down. His metal right hand clasped into a fist and at that moment, Moe felt he could destroy Louie's stupid-looking head with a single well-timed punch, a theory he was dying to try out.
But he remained still.
"What am I thinking? This is the Mob we're talking about here! Even if I kill Louie, Fat Tony will just send more goons after me. He might even go after Mags and her family out of spite." Moe's heart was gripped with fear as he realized how likely this nightmare scenario was. It hurt. It hurt him to swallow his pride and admit that he was helpless against these monsters. That he couldn't even slug the man who dared to make such a threat to his Mags. Moe sighed heavily as he grabbed some beer bottles and helped Louie with the clean-up.
"Sorry Mags," Moe thought bitterly as he loaded the drinks into the ice chest. "But for your sake, you need to stay away from me."
"Nelson!?" Jessica shouted as she looked frantically back and forth at his and Bart's faces. "T-This isn't what it looks like."
"Jessica...What did Bart mean just now?" He growled, shook his head, and pointed his enraged glare toward Bart. "What did you mean just now!?"
"N-Nelson, look." Bart began as he approached his seething friend. on trembling legs. He hadn't felt this afraid of him since they were enemies in grade school. "You have every right to be angry but-
Nelson slammed his fist into Bart's nose, sending the eldest son of Homer Simpson reeling back into a nearby trash can. Bart hit his head on the guard rail and slumped down. His nose was broken and blood was rapidly leaking down into his mouth. A few of the patrons sitting around the trio moved either upward or westward to put a nice safe distance between themselves and the violence they were certain was about to unfold.
They didn't have to wait long.
Bart got up, wiped the blood off his face with his sleeve, and lunged at Nelson. The Quarterback of the Springfield Pumas blocked the lunge with both his hands in a X pose, and pushed Bart back while simultaneously forcing him to open up. He punched Bart in the stomach, forcing the class jokester to bend forward so he could deck him in the face again, knocking him to the floor. Nelson walked up to Bart, preparing to slug him in the stomach again, only for Bart to retaliate with a kick to the crotch. As Nelson was wearing his sports cup, he was unharmed but still shocked at the audacity Bart had to pull such a stunt. "Really. A crotch kick? Talk about a low blow!"
"You want a low blow! I'll show you a low blow!" Bart kicked Nelson's right leg, knocking the former bully on his back. He quickly hopped to his, pounced on Nelson, and started wailing on him. This lasted for a few seconds before Nelson grabbed both of Bart's swinging fists, one after the other, and headbutted him. As Bart backed away dazed, Nelson got back to his feet and kicked him in the stomach, sending him back toward the trash can. This time, as Bart fell back and hit the guard rail again, he knocked the trash can down, dumping the contents all over himself.
"Had enough!?" Nelson snarled, his adrenaline pumping through his body a mile a second.
Amazingly, Bart was still conscious as he picked up his head and glared at Nelson, a single banana peel sliding off his hair. "Nelson...I...Ugh..." He gripped his throbbing head with both hands. "I think I have a concussion!"
"I'll show you a concussion!" Nelson stepped closer to Bart, prepping his fist to strike. Before he could move further, however, he felt a soft pair of hands grip his wrist. He turned around to see Jessica tugging at him, trying to pull him away from Bart.
"Stop it, Nelson!" Jessica cried. "It's over! You won! Let's just sit back down and watch the show!"
"Just what the hell was he talking about!?" Nelson snapped. "Were you two seeing each other behind my back?"
"O-Of course not!" Jessica defended.
"Then why was Bart spouting that nonsense!? I'm not stupid, Jessica! Something's going on here and I wanna know what!"
Jessica looked around nervously. By now almost all eyes on this side of the bleachers were on her and Nelson. Through the endless faces of the crowd, she could have sworn she saw a phone or two recording the whole ordeal. Jessica Lovejoy had always been a girl seeking to be the center of attention but now, at this very moment, all she wanted to do was disappear. "Nelson, baby. Please don't do this." She whispered.
"Jessica!" Nelson shouted back, clearly not giving a single fuck about the unwelcome audience he was attracting.
Jessica sighed. "It was just a harmless fling, you know. A little teasing. He never meant anything to me."
"So you were seeing him behind my back!" Nelson said gruffly.
"So what if I did! It was only because you haven't been treating me with the respect I deserve!"
"The respect you-" Nelson growled. "Really! You call me a big dumb jock to your friends while I'm sitting right there and you're the one being disrespected!?"
"I told you it was just playful banter!"
"And what about him?" Nelson gestured to the still-downed Bart with a kick. "I suppose he's just for play too?"
"D-Don't act so high and mighty, Mr. Quarterback!" Jessica screamed. "You're not so innocent yourself, you know!?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb! I'm talking about that bookworm Lisa Simpson! I've seen the way you looked at her earlier! Admit it! You've been seeing her behind my back, haven't you!?"
Nelson was too stunned to respond at first. Not because what Jessica said was true as all he had ever had with Lisa recently was casual conversation. No, he was stunned because he could not believe that Jessica would stoop so low. It was clear she was grasping at straws at this point, desperate for something, anything that would help her save face in this situation. Nelson found himself thinking back to the all-too-brief time that he had spent with Jessica. There was kissing, sure. Even fondling every now and then. But was there ever any real love? Was there ever any real sense of companionship and dependability when he was with her? He already knew the answer was no and it made his heart ache as he realized who he did get those feelings from whenever he spoke to them.
And he knew what he had to do.
With a heavy sigh," Nelson turned his back on Jessica. "Jessica, it's over."
Quite a few gasps erupted from Nelson's words, the loudest of which was from Jessica herself. "W-What do you mean it's over?" Tears fell from her eyes and at this point, Nelson couldn't be sure if they were real or just her playing her final emotional warfare card. "Are-Are you breaking up with me?"
Nelson opened his mouth but found that no words would come out. So instead, he opted to face away from Jessica and gently nod.
A moment of silence occurred, followed by a dry laugh from Jessica. "Y-You're fucking kidding me right? You have got to be kidding me! Do you have any idea who I am!? I am Jessica Fucking Lovejoy! I fucking own the school!" Her once-pretty face was now marred in makeup stains, two black waves forming beneath her wild eyes. Her hair was starting to become unkempt and as she gnashed her teeth through her lipstick-smeared face, she looked more like a wild enraged animal than anything else. Even the actual animals performing on the stage sensed the murderous aura seeping off from her and ran off in fear.
"Hey! Krusty called out. "Get back here! We haven't even gotten to the Three Stooges routine yet!"
"Y-You can't dump me! I-I dump you!" Jessica snarled. "Y-You hear me, you bastard! We're through! We're-
And then the sound of glass breaking was heard across the bleachers. It was the people at the very top who were able to see the full event unfold. From the window of the Rattlesnake Roundup's Sheriff's Office flew a human body. It was too far away and falling far too fast for any of the witnesses to make out before it made contact with the ground, crushing against it with a sickening splat. The patrons sitting at the top screamed and in response, so did the patrons sitting below. Within a few seconds of the glass breaking, the entire crowd was in an uproar of panicked confusion, both exits clogged with people trying to get away.
Alone on the stage, Krusty tried in vain to get everyone to calm down, unaware of the exact reason why the panic started in the first place. "Hey hey, people! Calm down! It's just a little broken glass! There's no need to go into a frenzy!" He intended to say more but stopped himself when he heard the horrifying yet familiar sound of bones being stepped on. "Yoy! Yep! There's the trampling." He groaned as Sideshow Mel ran up to him. "Krusty, there's been a horrible accident!"
"I know! Some yahoo broke a window somewhere and now everyone is panicking!"
Sideshow Mel shook his head frantically. "No Krusty! Someone fell out from a window in the Sheriff's office to their gruesome end!"
"What!? The Sheriff's office?" Krusty looked back toward the now almost empty bleachers as they obscured his view of the office. "But...But who was it? Who fell?"
Exactly five minutes earlier...
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" Lisa growled as she ran through the hallway, clutching her wounded shoulder tightly. A trail of blood droplets followed her as she ran, providing a nice little path for her pressure to follow her. Or at least it would have if the carpeting wasn't red to begin with. Regardless, Richard was right at her heels, that much she could infer from the constant gunfire going off behind her. Every few shots, a bullet would fly by her although any had yet to graze her again.
"Where are you going!?" The Beast roared. "The front door's that way!"
"I can't go out like this!" Lisa shouted back. "I'm still wearing my mask and Richard saw me! I'd be caught in a heartbeat!" Lisa winced as her shoulder ached again. She could a bit of the blood fall on her bare leg. "Shit! I can't let it end like this!"
"Well you have to stop somewhere. You need to patch up that wound before you lose too much blood!"
"Y-You're right!" Lisa gasped, already beginning to feel woozy. "I need to hide somewhere. Anywhere that I can get away from those bullets." It was then that she spotted a door before her. Without thinking, Lisa rushed right through it, desperate for shelter of any kind. It wasn't until she was in the middle of the room that she realized she had just returned to Richard's main office.
"D'oh!" Both her and the Beast shouted in unison.
"Nice going, dumbass! You brought us right into the serpent's den!"
"Like you could have done better!" Lisa growled. She wanted to bring up how the Beast couldn't even leave the sanctity of her head but another gunshot silenced her at once. "Let's hide under the desk!" She threw herself to the side of the desk and rolled underneath it, pushing the rolling chair away. She leaned against the interior of the desk and took off her backpack. She zipped it open and rummaged madly through it. "Come on, come on!" Lisa groaned. "Aha!" She pulled out a mini first aid kit and opened it up. "You know this is the first time I've ever had to use this kit," Lisa said as she pulled out a roll of gauze. "All this time, I've never been so much as scratched back. And now, that record's broken." Her voice cracked a little and rolled up her sleeve.
"Lisa, you sound...scared..."
"I...I am scared, alright?" Lisa admitted as she applied the gauze, her hands trembling as they wrapped the medical fabric around the wound. "What was I thinking? I always go into these things with a plan but my head's just been so muddled lately that I..I just couldn't come up with one. I was ill-prepared and now I'm paying the price for it!"
"Lisa,"
"I don't want it to end like this!" Lisa sniffled as reached into the first-aid kit for the scissors
"You mean you don't want to die or you don't want to get caught?"
"What does it matter!?" Lisa snapped as she cut the gauze and pulled down her sleeve. She wept silently in her bloodied hands for a few moments before wiping her tears. "I-I'm sorry." She whispered. "I just really fucked up."
"Maybe so but that doesn't mean you should just lay down and die!"
"Hmm?"
"Lisa. You may have been caught off-guard but that doesn't mean you're no longer the hunter. You just need to readjust your method of attack!"
"Readjust my attack?" Lisa asked. "How!? He has guns and I only have two knives, one of which I left on the floor back in the rattlesnake room! I'm screwed!"
"Listen to me!" The Beas snarled. "This is not you! You're not some hopeless damsel in distress who needs rescuing! You're a damned predator of men! You are stronger than this!"
"Heh. What's gotten into you?" Lisa wiped her eyes again with a sniffle. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've unlocked your inner feminist."
"Feminism has nothing to do with it. I say these things because I am you and you are me! I know I'm stronger than this so logically, so are you."
"Logically, huh?" Lisa chuckled. "Admit it, I'm rubbing off on you."
"I for one refuse to die or end my hunting in here of all places," The Bease continued, ignoring Lisa. "And that means you can't quit either. So stop your pathetic sniveling and let's turn the tables on this fat bastard!"
"Right!" Lisa nodded. Just then, she heard the door to the office open, followed by the pippy humming of Richard Texan. "Come out, come out, little girl!" She heard him call. "I've got a nice little bullet with your name on it."
"It's now or never." Lisa reached into her backpack, ignoring the ache of her shoulder wound, and pulled out her remaining knife. "I've got to end this!"
"Do you have a plan this time?"
"I do but it's risky as hell. If I miss this shot, we're doomed. So if you believe in any deity at all, pray I make it."
"Praying?" The Beast chuckled. "With me at the helm, there's no need."
Lisa pressed her ear against the wood of the office desk and listened closely to Richard's footsteps. They were approaching one step at a time, each thud echoing through the room like a gunshot.
"I know you're hiding behind that there desk, little lady." Richard chuckled. "But I paid good money for that Coast Redwood, so I'd rather not riddle it with holes. Why don't you just come on out and surrender yourself? I'm sure the courts will go easy on a pretty little thing like you." As Richard taunted his prey, he cocked both of his pistols and pointed them at either side of the desk. There was no way she could escape the range of his guns, not even for a moment. The reign of the Animal Avenger was finally over.
Or so he thought.
Suddenly, there was movement from either side of the desk. Richard wasted no time firing away, blasting whatever was at the sides of the desk at that time into pieces. He laughed manically as the bullets flew, reveling in the bringing down of such a notorious criminal. It gave him a high no illegally bought drug could replicate. He was so caught up in the rush that he almost failed to notice that his bullets were running out. He forced himself to stop firing and waited with heavy pants as the dust settled.
Laying in tatters on the ground near the desk was gauze. A huge roll of unwrapped gauze.
"What the!?"
At that precise moment, Lisa popped up from under the desk and flung her knife into Richard's left wrist. The blade impaled itself into the wrist and Richard screamed in pain as his gun fell from his now-damaged hand. With his other hand, he fired another shot into the desk just as Lisa was running out from behind it. Caught in the throes of his excruciating pain, Richard dropped the other gun and tried in vain to pull out the knife. His tugging only served to increase his agony, however, as blood flowed freely from the wound and dripped onto the floor.
"Come on! Come on! Fuck!" Richard strained as struggled with the blade. As he continued to pull, he slipped on the newly formed puddle of blood near his feet and fell on his stomach. The butt of the knife hit the floor as well, driving it even deeper into his wrist, practically severing his hand from his arm. His hat fell off his head and most of it's brim fell in the blood.
"Ohhh..." Richard used his good hand to reach out for either of his lost guns. When all he felt was wet carpet, he slowly looked up and found his pistols in the hands of the Animal Avenger as she loomed over him, her eyes glaring beneath her mask. "Get up!" She demanded.
Richard's initial response was to glare right back at her. He was just about to tell her to go to hell when she repeated her demand in a louder, angrier voice. "GET UP!"
Knowing he was licked, Richard forced himself back to his feet, trying his best not to put any weight on his ruined hand. Due to his top heaviness, however, he wasn't able to get up until he pressed it against the floor. It was agonizing and as he picked it up, it left behind a bloody handprint on the carpet.
"Take out the knife and toss it at my feet."
"Are you crazy?" Richard shouted. "This darn thing's stuck like stink on a Longhorn!"
"Now!"
Richard gulped and whimpered as he saw he had no choice. In a matter of literal seconds, he had turned from the hunter to the hunted, and by a teenage girl nonetheless. He couldn't tell which was worse, the pain or the humiliation. With a pained groan and tears in his eyes, he gripped the hilt of the knife and pulled with as much strength as he could muster. It took him two agonizing minutes before he was able to move the blade upward which caused him pain. Once he found he could jiggle the knife a little, he did so until it felt loose enough to pull out. And then, with a sickening crunch, he finally pulled the knife out. "Here! Take your damned knife, you bitch!" He tossed at her, clearly intending to repeat her method of attack on her, to strike her in the forehead or even the chest. To kill her and avenge his ruined hand.
She simply blocked it with one of the pistols, sending it flying into the nearby wall which it then embedded itself in.
Richard sighed.
"You know, I kinda have this whole thing where I try to kill the abusers in a way that fits their crime," Lisa said. "But as there's no time to skin you alive and turn your sorry ass into a suitcase, I'll just have to settle for shooting you with your own guns."
"Y-You'll never get away with this!" Richard cried. "I'm not just some random Yah-hoo on the street killing dogs! I'm a big shot! People are going to want to find my killer and they'll be after you! You hear me? They'll be after you!"
Lisa grinned beneath her mask. "Let them. I could use the target practice."
And then the bullets flew.
The first shot blasted through Richard's right shoulder, hitting a lot more flesh than when Lisa got shot and getting stuck in the clavicle. He cried out and reached out to it with his injured hand which was now practically hanging on by a few strips of skin. The second bullet hit him in the gut, staining his white undershirt with a dark red spot that drooped down into his brown pants. Richard opened his mouth to scream but all that came out was a small, pitiful gasp. He lowered his broken hand to the newly made wound and realized the arm was shaking violently without his consent, loosening the threads connected to his hand further still. Without much thought, he turned around and tried to walk past the desk, some part of him wanting shelter for whatever good that would do him. Lisa fired another shot into his back, striking his spinal cord and he let out a scream as he twirled around and around toward the window. He didn't hit it with quite enough force to break it but he did crack it upon impact. He was leaning against it now, his thoughts draining along with his blood on the floor.
The only thing he was certain about now was that he was scared of death.
Lisa cocked both pistols and pointed them at the already dying man, tasting a bit of the high he himself was feeling not too long ago. "And Say Thank Ya." She emptied the rest of the bullets into Richard, his meaty body keeping them from reaching the broken glass. Instead, it was his rippling body against the glass that was causing the cracks to grow bigger by the second. The final bullet that would ever be fired from these pistols shot directly through his skull, ending what little thought or feeling he had. Nothing remained for him coldness and red and then, both were replaced by blackness.
His body fell back from the force of the final bullet and smashed through the glass window. His heart stopped on his way to the ground and so he felt nothing when he smashed against the grass and dirt. Several shards of broken glass stabbed themselves into his body, drawing out his already-depleted blood. His broken hand finally snapped off upon impact with the ground and flew off, landing several feet away from his body.
Richard Texan was dead.
Lisa took a few moments to study the grotesque corpse she had just created from the office window.
"Lovely work!" The Beast complimented. "That was quite a rush!"
"Come on," Lisa whispered. "We're not done yet." She rushed behind the desk to gather her backpack and the ruined gauze, ripped her knife out of the wall, and ran down the hall toward the snake room.
"What are you doing?"
"I still have to try to save those snakes!" Lisa answered as she placed the knife and the pistols in her backpack. "And I better make it fast because it won't be long before this place is swarming with people.
"Understandable but how do you intend to save all those snakes?"
"Oh I've thought of something," Lisa replied as she took out her phone and opened the music file. "Something I should have thought of a long time ago.
It didn't take long at all for Lisa to find the snake room. The door was still open and she almost slipped as she forced herself to a stop. She found her missing knife and ripped it from the ground before placing it back in her backpack as well. By now, all the rattlesnakes slated for slaughter at the roundup were agitated and hissing, their combined rattling nearly deafening.
"Those snakes don't seem to be in the best mood Lisa." The Beast said. "I don't think you're gonna be able to save even one of them."
"Oh I think I can," Lisa went about opening each and every terrarium, careful to remain out of the snakes' striking range. Once every top had been removed, Lisa turned the volume up on her phone as high as it would go. Then she blasted Barry White's Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe. "Please work!" She begged to herself. "Just like last time."
At first, the only reaction the music got out of the enclosed reptiles was confused staring. Then, one of them poked its head out from the top of its open prison and slithered out toward Lisa. Then another one. And another one. One by one, the rattlesnakes left their enclosures and slithered toward the music.
"Yes! Yes! It's working! Just like at Whacking Day!" Lisa walked backward toward the window and opened it with her eyes still on the approaching serpents. She climbed out and once her feet were on the grass, looked around to make sure no one was watching. Once she saw that the coast was clear, she continued to back up while holding the phone out in front of herself. It didn't take long for the rattlesnakes to slither out of the window and follow her onto the grass.
"Where are you going?" The Beast asked.
"To the woods nearby!" Lisa answered. "It's not the most ideal place for these snakes but at least in there they'll be safe."
"But what about the bloodstains back in the office?"
Lisa shook her head sadly. "There's no time to deal with that. After this, I need to find my family as quickly as possible." She sighed heavily. "I'm just going to have to depend on Springfield's ineptitude again." As she looked back toward the snakes followed her toward a new life in the woods, however, Lisa smiled. "And even if I do get caught, I can at least take solace that I saved these little guys."
"Good for you." The Beast hissed sarcastically. "Good for you."
Lisa realized the song was almost at an end and reround it to the beginning. By the time it ended again, she was sure they would be at the edge of the forest.
Suffice it to say, what was to be the first annual Springfield Rattlesnake Roundup died in its infancy that day. The discovery of Richard Texan's body terrified the guests into practically stampeding out the festival gates. It was apparent from the beginning that the Animal Avenger was responsible and so the police were called to search the festival grounds and the sheriff's office from top to bottom but all that was to be found was a room full of empty terrariums and a broken window. Had one of the cops not helped himself to some of the late Richard Texan's hidden whisky and tried to smoke a cigarette afterward, they might have eventually found the dried blood trail Lisa had left behind. The resulting fire's only victim was the sheriff's office itself and as everyone still around at the time watched the smoke climb into the sky, they knew in their hearts it was all over.
The Springfield Rattlesnake Roundup was dead on arrival and the one to blame, the Animal Avenger, had once again slipped away.
...
A few hours earlier
"Come on, Marge! We have to get the hell out of here now before the traffic gets bad!"
"But Lisa's still missing!" Marge screeched. "We can't leave until we find her!"
"Awww! Look!" Homer reached into his bag of peanuts, which barely had any left, and sprinkled a few onto the floor. "We'll leave her a trail of peanuts to follow us back home."
Marge murmured at Homer's stupid suggestion and was about to call him out on such when Maggie suddenly shouted. "Wait! There she is!"
The family turned to see Lisa rushing after them through the panicked crowd, sweaty and out of breath. There was a hole in the sleeve of her shirt and through it, Bart could see gauze. "Sorry, I'm late everyone!" Lisa panted as she forced herself to a stop. "I was...It was a long line in the bathroom and by the time I came out, everyone was in a panic! What happened?"
"Someone shot Richard Texan out the window of the sheriff's office is what happened!" Maggie replied. "Some people are saying it was the Animal Avenger!"
"Oh no!" Lisa said in the genuinely saddened voice she could muster.
"Well, now that you're here, let's scram before that manic kills us next!" Homer ran off screaming...only to come back a few seconds later, scoop up the peanuts he dropped down earlier, and devoured them. "Ok," He said through his mouth full of nuts and dirt. "Let's Vamos!"
As the family rushed to their car, Marge scolded Lisa. "You should have just looked for another bathroom instead of keeping us waiting! You missed the whole show! What if you got hurt?"
"I'm sorry Mom," Lisa sighed, torn between feeling remorseful for making her mother worry and anger toward her for insisting Lisa go through such a conspicuous display of animal cruelty willingly. As the family climbed into their car, it was Bart's turn to question his sister.
"Hey Lis, what happened to your shoulder?"
"Huh?" Lisa remembered her shoulder wound and gulped. "O-Oh! I-I got banged against the wall by some fat guy when everyone was panicking and hit the sharp corner of one of the taco stands. "I'll be fine."
Bart studied Lisa for a moment, not fully believing what she was saying but shrugged it off and climbed into his seat.
Lisa sighed in relief as she did the same. Of course, whether or not she really would recover from this wound remained to be seen. It was only a graze but she still lost a lot of blood before she could treat it properly. And she just knew it was going to leave an ugly scar. As she thought back to those rattlesnakes living safely in the forest, however, she smiled and decided it was worth the permanent marring.
As the Simpsons drove out of the parking lot, Marge turned around to further scold the kids. "I'm very disappointed in you all. One day as a normal family! One! Is that really too much to ask? But no, you'd rather talk with your friends from school or take extended bathroom breaks."
"Oh come on Marge!" Homer spoke. "Can't this wait until we get home?" This proved to be a mistake as she turned on Homer at once. "And you! You've been against me since this whole thing started! Naysaying everything I do...
As her parents once again engaged in a battle of words, Lisa sighed again. "So much for family peace." She turned to Maggie who, as she could expect, was blasting music on her phone again, this time aggressive nu metal with a large frown on her face. Lisa then turned to Bart who was looking out the window. Only now did Lisa realize he had been covered in bruises and his nose was busted. She opened her mouth to ask what happened to him but could tell from the look of his eyes that he would not care to say.
"I've saved a lot of innocent snakes and taken another monster off the face of the Earth." She thought, "So why do I feel so miserable?"
The car ride home grew silent as it went on but the tenseness of the air never let up.
Krusty sat silently sobbing at his desk. In front of him a picture of his newly-departed friend, Richard Texan. "To my funny friend, Krusty the Clown was scribbled at the bottom right corner of the picture. Besides the grieving clown, Sideshow Mel stood silently.
"Is there anything I can do for you, Krusty?" He asked in a sorrowful voice.
"Just give me a little space, will ya pal?" Krusty sniffled. "Your paycheck's at the door. "I-I'll see you tomorrow."
Sideshow Mel nodded. "Very well Krusty. Good night." He stepped out of the office and closed the door behind him, leaving Krusty alone to resume his weeping.
"Good night." Krusty cried out and buried his face onto the table. "I can't believe it! I just can't believe it!" He picked himself back up and grabbed the picture of Richard. "I can't believe the Animal Avenger got you!" Krusty sniffled as he thought back to the absolute disaster that was the end of his show. "And now that you're gone, I'll totally sunk!" He pulled out his gag chain of handkerchiefs and wiped his eyes. "It's over!"
Just then, the phone on his desk rang. With a heavy sigh, he grabbed it and pressed it against his ear. "Hello. Krusty the Screwed Clown speaking."
"Ah Krusty!" Mr. Burns's voice spoke on the other line. "What a splendid performance you pulled today!"
"Save it, Monty!" Krusty cursed. "I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm! In case you didn't hear, one of our old pals died today!"
"Ah yes," Mr. Burns replied. "It would seem Richard Texan has fallen victim to the Animal Avenger. Grizzly business that." Then his voice brightened up. "But that's all in the past! I want to discuss the future of your show!"
"There isn't going to be any more shows," Krusty said. "Today's show was a bomb and that was before Richard took a glass dive in front of everyone!"
"What are you talking about Krusty? Have you not seen your reviews?"
"I've been a little busy mourning my friend!" Krusty grumbled as he dug out his cell phone and looked through his ratings app. "Besides, I can already tell the ratings are shit. The Circus can't bounce back from...A WHAAAAA!?"
The ratings on the app, much to Krusty's shock, were through the roof. Virtually no words were spared for the arguing teenagers dominating the audience; 's attention or the fatal fall of the festival proprietor, only how amazing the show was while it lasted. "Holy Ziz! These are the most positive ratings I've ever had since...since...since I became a clown!"
"You see, Krusty?" Mr. Burns cooed. "People love you! The circus is a success and I've already booked it for a tour across America! You'll perform in Las Vegas, New York, and even San Antonio!"
"San Antonio?" Krusty practically drooled at the thought, only to shake his head. "I don't know. I'm still kinda grieving here."
"Oh come on Krusty. Is that what poor, deceased Richard would want?"
Krusty's eyes widened and turned toward the picture still in Krusty's hand. For a brief moment, he thought he could see Richard wink at him. At that moment, he could feel energy and vigor surge within him, something he wasn't sure he ever felt even in his youth. But he felt it now and it was a high no drug could hope to replicate. "No...No He wouldn't He would want me, demand me to make sure the show goes on. Because I'm an entertainer dammit! That's what I do! Mr. Burns, you got yourself a deal!"
"Excellent!" Mr. Burns purred on the other end. "Better get some sleep now. Your first show is in Shelbyville tomorrow!"
"See you there!" Krusty slammed the phone down and looked at Richard's picture again, not with the saddened gaze of a clown beaten down by the world but with the determined glare of a true born-again showman. "I'll do it for you Richard." He said. "I'll do it for you." He placed the picture down, tore open the windows behind him, and shouted into the sky. "Burns Imagination Circus of Dreams will rule the world!"
"Hey shut up! People are trying to sleep over here!"
"Sorry!" Krusty closed the window and retired for the night. Tomorrow, the first day of the rest of his life would begin.
(And with this, we finally make it to the end of the Rattlesnake Roundup saga. One more to go before the season's over and even that won't be much of a break. That being said, I will say that more than likely, I won't be able to post a new chapter until after Halloween due to how many other stories I have to work on. It will return before the year is out, that much I can promise you. Until then, you guys rock and I'll see you later.
Say Thank Ya!)