Chapter 4

I'll Get By

The fresh air was almost intoxicating, and the cool wind rushing through her hair was just an added bonus. It was cold, despite the fact that it was still technically summer. The mountains had always been like that for as long as Lucy could remember. Her family had spent her entire life living in the safety of the mountains, their small community protected by the natural walls from both raiders and radiation alike. Her mother had taken her hiking when she was still a baby and, though Lucy didn't remember it, her mother said she had fallen in love with it in an instant.

Lucy was inclined to believe her, and not just because she was her mom. It was hard to find anything to not like about hiking, there weren't any trails from before the war, nature having long since overgrown them, but new ones had cropped up. It was what Lucy liked to imagine the world had looked like before everything had gone to hell.

"I suppose we should start heading back." Her mother turned to look at her, her red hair glowing in the late day sun, her smile shining almost as brightly. They had brought lunch with them, spending the entire day out so that they could watch the sunset as they made their way back down the mountain. Her father usually would have joined them, but had been too busy this time, more his loss.

Lucy looked back down the trail and the steep climb down. It brought a smile to her face, even as she knew it would take them a few hours to get back. She didn't mind, the time passed quickly with the stories her mother told. It was always a coin toss on whether it would be her mom or dad who spent the whole hike talking, but Lucy loved it.

Stories from her childhood, from their own long before she was born, to stories from Pre-war. There was even the occasional Pre-pre-war story that served more as a history lecture than anything else. Her dad always loved those, going on and on about something he had read in a book years ago. When they finally reached the summit, they would sit down and have lunch and they would read from some book or another. Lucy hadn't ever really cared what they read, but those epic tales of adventure had caught her interest from when she had been just a young girl.

She wanted to have adventures like that more than anything, and she couldn't wait to have her chance. She didn't have to wait too much longer, since last week had been her eighteenth birthday and, although nothing had exactly been keeping her from leaving, she felt like she was almost ready. That was another thing that made moments like this so special, she looked back at her mom as she started telling her a story from before she had met Lucy's father.

They had taught her so much, everything they could. They made sure she knew how to read, how to do math, and how to navigate using nothing but the stars if she had to. Her father had shown her how to take machines apart and how to put them back together practically blindfolded. He had shown her how to work her first terminal, and had done his very best to encourage her nerdier habits whenever possible.

Her mom had shown her how to hunt and track, how to prepare and cook a meal, but above all else, her mother had been the one to show her how to shoot. Her mom, though she never went into much detail about where she had learned, was the best shot that Lucy had ever seen. She was more accurate with her lever action rifle than most people were with scoped weapons. Lucy wasn't that good yet, but she was getting there, and she was confident that one day she would surpass her.

It was memories like those that called for Lucy to stay. She might have caved in too, were it not for her parent's gentle support that she go out and see the world. Despite how excited she was to go, a part of her never wanted to leave. Lucy wasn't a child anymore, she knew how messed up the world could be sometimes, but it was memories like those that would help keep her going on the open road, and it was those same memories that would remind her that she always had a place to return home to.

They made it back to the house just before dark, the orange sky lighting up much of the valley as Lucy finally moved to set her bag down on the porch before moving to step into the house.

"I think your father wanted to talk to you when we got back."

Lucy stopped to look at her mother. "What about?"

Her mother simply shrugged, but the amused smile on her face said that she knew and simply wasn't willing to tell. Lucy was suspicious, but knew she couldn't force her mom to say anything if she didn't plan to. Besides, she would know soon enough.

Walking into the barn, it didn't take her log to find her dad. He was standing in front of something covered in a tarp.

"Hey sweetie, how was the hike?" He smiled warmly, moving to hug her before she jumped back.

"You are filthy." Lucy said as she dodged under his arms as he attempted to follow up.

"So are you, or does little miss perfect not sweat when she hikes?" Her dad chuckled softly before moving over towards a bench and grabbing a rag. His good mood dimmed suddenly, the smile on his face not disappearing entirely but looking a little more muted than normal. "You're sure growing up fast kid... Before long you'll be leaving the nest, off to do great things no doubt."

Lucy rubbed at her arm, wishing now that she hadn't dodged out of the way of his hug, grease or not.

"It's a dangerous business, going out your front door. You-"

"-Step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." Lucy smiled, he had read her that book more times than she could count, though she hadn't ever complained. It was one of her favorites, and her dad had done a good job.

Her dad laughed softly for a moment, but despite the laughter, his smile was still muted.

"It's not wrong though… no matter how much time passes, that line always hold true. Remember that." He nodded behind her, towards the tarp. "Go ahead and pull that up." Lucy turned towards the gray sheet, moving to grab the edges before lifting it up slightly. Her eyes widened as the sight stole her breath away.

Her grandfather had died long before she was born, but her father had told her every story she could about him. He had traveled the wastes seeing much of what the world had to offer. He had traveled from coast to coast and back again, passing on countless tales of impossibilities to her father who had in turn passed them on to her. Obviously, he hadn't walked the whole way, as that would have taken more than a single lifetime, he had driven an old fixed up motorcycle that he had scavenged from some former junkyard. The paint was chipped, the engine rusted, but it had once been a sight to behold.

And now it was again, in all of its faded glory. She was almost afraid to touch it, and her father must have seen her hesitance.

"It's for you. The world is a big place, and I doubt you'll want to drive my truck across the country."

Lucy wanted to make a joke about the fact that his truck probably wouldn't have made it past the driveway at this point, it had certainly seen better days. She wanted to make light of what was quickly turning into an intimidating feeling, but she couldn't. When she tried, the words were caught in her throat, tears filling her eyes as she turned towards her dad.

He wrapped his arms around her, and Lucy finally noticed that her mother had stepped into the barn behind her and was now watching on from the doorway with a watery smile.

Lucy tried to thank him, to tell him that she loved him and would take extra special care of it. She couldn't, however, her mouth flapping uselessly as she barely even managed to breathe.

"I know," He said happily. "I know sweetie, I love you too." He took a deep breath. "We got to stop though, otherwise I'm gonna start crying too and we both know your mom doesn't need another reason to make fun of me."

Lucy chuckled softly, pulling back and wiping her eyes on her shirt.

"You'll also need this." Her mother walked over, handing her a folded up booklet that Lucy easily recognized as a map. "We managed to get one off of the last caravan that came through.

Lucy had to fight to keep herself from crying again, and she didn't fully manage it before her mother pulled her into a warm hug.

"We need to start planning." Her dad plucked the map from her hand, opening it and setting it on the table. "If we start now, you can spend the next week or two getting ready. If you still want to anyways, we aren't throwing yo-"

"I want to." Lucy nodded quickly, smiling as best she could as she wiped at her eyes. "I know I can always come back."

"Damn straight." Her dad gestured for her to come over. "Now, if you start here and head south, you'll reach the highway, from there you can get on iInterstate Eighty."

Lucy stepped over to look at the map, watching as her father traced a finger from their house to-

Connection timed out

…

Termination Sequence: Initiated

…

Lucy sat up, only resisting the urge to scream because she knew she would wake Veronica and Christine. She had been so close! Only a few more seconds and she would have seen the map her dad had been pointing at. She would know where home was. It wasn't fair! To have it right in front of her, and yet completely inaccessible. She refused to stop trying however, she was going to find it, no matter the cost. She was going to track them down if it took her the rest of her days. She was… going to hurl.

Lucy rolled out of the pod, landing on her hands and knees next to a bucket that she had left beside the chair for this exact reason. The metal echoed the sounds of her pain enough to make her wince, the empty halls of the Think Tank threatening her discovery.

"I do think I recall the loud one saying you weren't supposed to be using that." Lucy nearly jumped out of her skin as the loud and crackly voice of Dr. Mobius spoke from her side. "Though, I may very well be mistaken. We both know my memory's not very good these days."

The floating brain in a jar was sitting beside the terminal hooked up to her pod, watching both it and her with an odd intensity.

"H-how long have you been there?" Lucy asked, her voice sounding shockingly weak even to herself.

Mobius, despite all of his… eccentricities, was perhaps the most human of the Brains, and he noticed her pain easily. He also had the good grace to not immediately comment on it.

"I entered the laboratory shortly after you climbed in, I believe." He informed her, the volume of his voice box diminishing to barely above a whisper. It was no wonder why either, as although he might not have been worried about waking up Veronica or Christine like she was, the Think Tank was a different story. Things had improved between them and Mobius, but they were far from smooth. "Your friends sent word that they needed the use of my robo-scorpions earlier today, I was coming back to retrieve them when I found you." He paused for a moment, one eye monitor shifting over to look at the terminal. "Your vitals were quite erratic."

"It's nothing I ca-" She interrupted herself as her stomach twisted once more, driving her eyes back towards her bucket. She wasn't even sure what she was throwing up, having certainly run out of food in her system already. Not to mention the fact that not all of it exactly looked organic either, but what did was almost certainly mixed with blood.

"What is this contraption?" Dr. Mobius looked over towards the pod. "I recognize part of it but… I can't fully place it."

"It's a memory lounger." Lucy answered, taking a moment to breathe and make sure she wasn't about to throw up again before continuing. "Veronica found the schematics for it in the copy of a hard drive I pulled from an old Vault out east."

"She built it?" Dr. Mobius didn't sound very surprised, more impressed than anything else. "I always knew that one had a head for this stuff."

"She had help." Lucy waved her hand. "But there have been some… side effects."

"Near cardiac arrest isn't a side effect." Dr. Mobius stated firmly and in such a way that she couldn't really argue. "The machine is impressive, but I must question the moral and ethical implications if this is what it does to you. What could it possibly offer you that makes it worth such drastic risk?"

Lucy resisted the urge to growl, scowling at his monitor instead. "It managed to find my memories… from before." She didn't need to explain further, they all knew about her injury and the issues it had caused.

"Oh." His voice took on a somber tone as he looked back towards the pod once more. "I understand."

Oddly enough, Lucy felt like he did. Of everyone here, he was one of the few who could understand her plight. Christine and Veronica might have tried, but they just didn't know what it was like to almost completely lose yourself. The other Brains might have, were they more in touch with their humanity like Dr. Mobius was. They were getting better, but it would still be many years before she even thought about letting them see the Mojave.

But Doctor Mobius? He had done something that the other brains didn't. Rather than having many of his memories erased by somebody else, he erased his own, unable to bear the weight of what he'd done to the rest of the Think Tank. It was one of the things that had started Mobius on the road to his chem-added madness in which Lucy had found him. It was a sad irony, perhaps, that he probably had his mind in better order than she did.

"And is it worth the secrecy?" Dr. Mobius looked back towards her, his eye monitors looking down on her without a hint of emotion. "Lying to your friends… it hardly seems worth it."

Lucy didn't hesitate as she nodded, whispering softly. "It is."

The Think Tank was silent for a long moment, as neither of them really knew what to say. She spared a glance at the bucket beside her, filled with the most vile-smelling concoction of blood and cybernetic ooze, and wondered if she really even meant it. On another day she would have given it more thought, but Lucy could feel her headache starting once more, and it was only growing worse by the second.

Finally, Dr. Mobius floated away from her. "Memories are such a precious thing, it's a shame to lose them." Dr. Mobius' monitors floated downwards. "I won't try to talk you out of it, but... do be careful, I do believe that they would lose themselves without you."

"The Brains will be fine." Lucy gritted out through the pain. Though she had gone to great lengths to get them to understand, she thought they were finally grasping the concepts of why acting Human was important. Though she couldn't give them their bodies back, she had perhaps returned their souls in some regard. They didn't need her like they once had.

"I wasn't referring to only them." Dr. Mobious replied but didn't elaborate further. He lowered himself slightly, offering out a single metal hand to help her stand. She took it slowly and was surprised to see how much she needed it. Her legs felt like they were going to fall off. Standing was difficult, but even more daunting was the idea of walking. "Do you need further assistance?"

Lucy shook her head. She would manage, even if she had to crawl her way to the Auto-Doc. Noise or not, she knew she needed it. Nobody could puke up that much blood and not seek help, even herself. If Veronica or Christine asked, she could just say she was overdue for maintenance and wanted to air on the side of caution given the first attempt at using the pod.

So it was with an aching head and weak muscles that she made her way towards the elevator. Dr. Mobius didn't leave though, hovering only a few feet behind her as he escorted her to the elevator.

"If you ever need help, you need simply ask." His voice took on a more chipper tone, but it felt forced given the stark contrast to his clear worry for her. "I may not have one, but I am always willing to lend an ear."

It was a poor attempt at humor, made in an effort to lighten the mood and help them both feel better. It wasn't even that funny, but Lucy couldn't help the quiet laugh that bubbled forth as she leaned on the wall for support.

"I'll keep that in mind." Lucy nodded as the door finally closed, giving her a moment of privacy. The Sink was quiet when she entered, every footstep she took feeling like a gunshot as she inched her way over to the Auto-Doc. Part of her wanted to wait until the morning when she knew she would have a couple hours to herself, but the droplets of blood that landed on her hand convinced her otherwise. Her nose was bleeding, not to mention the headache and everything else that was probably wrong with her. There was a decent chance that she wouldn't wake up after going to bed, and she couldn't risk that.

She still had to find her way home.

Lucy awoke to a sound knocking on her door. It reminded her of thunder, the way the sound seemed to shake around her skull. She had managed to escape back to her room after the Auto-Doc, but that particular surgery had taken most of the night and even the powerful drugs given to her couldn't fully get rid of her headache. Lucy rolled back over, trying desperately to block out the sound by burying her head in her pillow.

The knocking continued however, and with a groan she got up and threw on a shirt before moving over to open the door.

"What?" Lucy winced at the influx of light from the Sink. She had the lightswitches keep the lights in her own room quite dim, and so the bright light of the living room forced her to squint, to the point that she could barely even see Veronica standing in the doorway.

Somehow, despite the fact that she couldn't even see her, Lucy knew Veronica was scowling; she could feel it in her bones.

"Are you still mad about the bike?" Lucy sighed, her voice coming out disheveled in spite of her best efforts. "It was a one time thing and I'm not gonna-"

Lucy was cut off by a smack, and the sound of heavy, almost strained-sounding breathing from Veronica. It was relatively tame, all things considered, but with her headache and the fact her inhibitors were going haywire, not to mention the surprise of it, she winced and was forced back.

That smack did confirm one thing for her though, something that she could tell was true even through the headache and pain. It was clear as day from the look on Veronica's face, which was wet from tears. Her eyes were puffy and her breathing heavy, but the main feelings that Lucy could read on her face was anger, joined by concern and absolute terror in equal measures.

Veronica knew.