A/N As we start these next chapter, I want to remind you that NOTHING IN S9 has happened in regard to LB.

"Nathan, thank you for joining us today," Joseph said. "As I mentioned to you yesterday, I feel that Elizabeth needs to address some things that she did to you and, subsequently, Allie. Since Allie is out of town, you and Elizabeth are going to work out how that will take place. Is that all right?

"Yes, I believe so, but I would like to address some things with Elizabeth regarding her relationship with Allie in the form of boundaries before that happens. Plus, I feel like there are things that she and I need to deal with before that happens. Elizabeth, I also want Bill or Joseph to be a part of those meetings. Will that be all right?"

Both men looked at Elizabeth, waiting for her answer. "That is fine, Nathan. I will abide by whatever you feel you need to do to protect Allie."

"If you both are ready, I will turn the floor over to Elizabeth."

Nathan, I don't even know where to start…" Elizabeth began nervously. "Actually, I do, but I'm appalled that I even need to address it since it shouldn't have happened in the first place. There's no easy way to do this, so I will just jump in. I need to talk to you about that day in your office when I told you I was not in love with you. Do you remember?"

"Are you seriously asking me that question, Elizabeth?"

"Nathan, I…"

"Do you really think I could forget that day you told me you saw me as a replacement for Jack? Telling me that I was just another man in a Serge. Honestly, is that what you thought of Jack? That he can be replaced so easily by a man in a Serge? Not to mention that given your choice, especially in light of the latest developments, I didn't measure up to Jack, but in your eyes, Lucas did. To make matters worse, when you walked out afterward, you breathed a sigh of relief as if I was a task on a to-do list. Break Nathan's heart. Check!"

"Nathan, you misunderstood. I didn't mean those awful words the way you took them. No one in my life can replace Jack, whether they are wearing a Serge or not. You are also more than just a Mountie in a Serge. And I knew that day exactly who you were. I always have, Nathan. I don't know what came over me to attack you like that when that was the last thing I wanted to do!"

"Let me refresh your memory of that last day you came into my office, Elizabeth," Nathan said, standing up with his jaw clenched. "Because, as I said, I haven't been able to forget it."

'When I said it just happened to be you whom Jack replaced when he was killed, what I didn't say is how thankful I am that it was you. I couldn't have asked for a more courageous, selfless, good man to watch over and care for me. But I also realized that I have been trying to find Jack in you. I've been trying to replace him with you. And that wasn't fair... to anyone. Nathan, I do love you; it would be impossible not to. But I'm not in love with you. I'm just so sorry. Tell Allie that I'll always think you're impeccable." (1)

Nathan recited word for word what she had said to him that day, allowing the pain that still plagued him to enter his tone. He wouldn't spare her feelings in the reciting of it; he couldn't, and looking at Elizabeth as he spoke, he could see that it had the effect he had hoped for.

"I don't know how I was supposed to even take that Elizabeth other than the way I did. This is after you were going back and forth from being fine one minute, giving me hope and signals that you care for me, and then becoming cold the next, crushing that hope entirely. For two years, you befriended us and became a close friend, practically a family member. By your own admission, you wanted me to ask you to dinner while you showed interest in Lucas. You even managed to hurt Allie to the point that she was afraid to be with you alone. Do you still maintain that I am deliberately misconstruing your words and actions?"

Elizabeth turned her face away from him, unable to see the pain in his eyes as his words hit her like bullets. She could not even speak past the lump in her throat, so she just shook her head. The pain in her heart was intense, and she had placed a hand there as if to soothe it, to no avail. But then she really didn't deserve any relief.

"After our embrace in the street, I told you I loved you twice, Elizabeth, and how did you respond? Let's talk about that for a minute…"

Elizabeth interrupted him as his words struck home, "You know what, let's forget it. I don't think that this will…."

Nathan interrupted this time, "Oh no, you don't, Elizabeth. If you want to discuss it, then let's discuss it. That's what we're here for, right Joseph?"

"Yes, it is, Nathan, but maybe a break is needed since both of you are angry," Joseph said.

"Oh, I'm fine,this needs to be resolved; let's get on with it!" Elizabeth said, resigning to listen. "Go ahead, Nathan, you were saying?"

"The first time was by the pond, remember?" Suddenly both of them were taken back to the day by the pond where he first confessed his love for her as Nathan voiced what took place for Joseph's benefit.

How was your trip?

Bill's land is beautiful. There's a-level, clear spot surrounded by woods. Best of all, the river's just a short walk away, so Allie and I can go fishing. I can totally see us living there—Allie and me.

It sounds remarkable.

Yeah.

Nathan, I don't know where to begin.

Well-uh, here, let me-

No, no, no. Please. I need to tell you something that I've known for a while but haven't been able to say. You mean a lot to me. You and Allie both. But I've sensed that you're hoping for something more than friendship.

I wasn't trying to hide it.

And I appreciate your honesty.But Nathan, when you were almost shot-

Elizabeth, just listen to me for a second, please.

You want more than I can give you. It would just hurt too much if I lost you the way I lost Jack.

I wouldn't let that happen.

You-you can't say that to me! You have no right to promise me that.

I would quit. I'd quit the Mounties.

No!

Elizabeth. Elizabeth!

I can't stay, or it'll only make it harder for me to leave.

Well, then, don't go! Elizabeth, look. I know you feel the same way that I do.

I can't.

Elizabeth, I'm in love with you. Elizabeth, I love you.

Come on. Come on. Elizabeth!' (2)

"After you rode off, on Sergeant, you didn't even have the decency to come talk to me after you calmed down. I guess I didn't warrant a conversation afterward. The next thing I know, you're seeing Lucas." Nathan said with derision.

"If you didn't feel the same way, Elizabeth, why didn't you tell me that you didn't love me then or even later? Because you saying that it would hurt too much if you lost me the way you did, Jack, that you couldn't stay and talk because it would make it harder for you to leave, all seem to indicate that you love me or at least it would be a logical conclusion or am I wrong?"

Elizabeth just sat there, her eyes cast down as her words that day were returning to haunt her.

"Then, of course, let's talk about the second time I told you I loved you. Do you remember?" As Nathan began to explain for Joseph's benefit, the memory of that day and her words filled her with shame.

'I want to know what took you so long to tell me what happened.

I felt guilty.

I don't understand.

After the accident, I requested a transfer here to Hope Valley. I never met Jack, but I knew that he left behind a wife and child, and I felt that it was my responsibility to look after you. To protect you.

Why would you assume that?

I felt it was my duty. When I found myself... when I found myself falling in love with you, I felt like I was... betraying Jack and his memory. That's why I didn't tell you. I fell in love with you, and I think that love is always worth fighting for.(3)

Nathan's question to her broke her out of her thoughts. "Do you remember what your response was that time? Did you tell me you didn't return my feelings? No, you didn't. You said excuse me and left without another word. This was after you had publicly humiliated me in front of everyone at Bill's parade, and even then, you ran off, leaving me standing there unable to say anything. Speaking of which, from now on, do me a favor and refrain from doing that in the future. If you have an issue with me, it can wait until after I am off duty. Would you like it if I approached you like that during school hours?"

"I wouldn't," Elizabeth said, looking down at her clasped hands on her lap. "I should never have done that. It was very inconsiderate of me, and I promise there won't be a repeat of that or the public confrontations." She added softly, beginning to wring her hands together.

With a heavy sigh, she said in a shaky voice, barely above a whisper, "I am sorrier than I can say about that, Nathan. It wasn't right as your friend, and out of respect for your position as our Mountie. You deserved better from me, and though unintentional, I can see how you would come to the conclusion you did."

Seeing that she was genuinely sorry and accepting full accountability for her words, his anger lessened, and he resumed sitting in the chair beside her though he wasn't quite ready to offer her comfort or make nice. Underneath the calm demeanor, he now reflected on the outside; his emotions were roiling and barely restrained.

"Okay, before we continue, I think we need to take a few minutes to collect ourselves," Joseph said. "I can see that we have begun to explore a touchy area between the two of you. I don't want either of you to say something out of anger or hurt and regret it later."

They sat there for a moment and just quietly processed what had been revealed.

"Now you mentioned something about a hug in the street. Can you tell me a little more about that? When exactly was that?" Joseph asked.

"It was about four months or so before you arrived, I believe." Elizabeth then explained what happened and that she ran to Nathan upon seeing he was all right and hadn't been the Mountie in the wagon.

"I was so happy and relieved to see him after thinking he had died, and I hadn't had a chance to say yes to dinner at the cafe. I thought about all those missed opportunities and my regret that we never had a chance to have dinner or even explore whatever was happening between us."

"Did you flashback to Jack?" Nathan asked, a hint of vulnerability in his tone.

"No, I didn't, Nathan. Not then, anyway. My concern was all for you, well, and Allie." Elizabeth paused before continuing. "It wasn't until after our jail discussion, and I began courting Lucas, that I couldn't help but draw the conclusion that you were in my heart, and I was in love with you."

"What went through your head after the Mountie was shot, Nathan?" Joseph asked.

After it happened and I was walking back into town, I was numb. I kept running the scenario repeatedly in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong. What did I do wrong that resulted in somebody dying? And then, I have to admit, I couldn't help but think about that scenario and then compare it to the fact that, because of me, Jack was dead. As I got closer, I could hear people calling out, but I couldn't determine what was being said. I felt like each step I took closer to town became harder and harder, and my feet felt heavier and heavier.

I could see Elizabeth's purple coat as she stood, looking at the transport wagon, and I immediately knew she thought it was me. Nathan paused as the events and emotions swamped him all at once as that day came back to him.

Clearing his throat, he continued. "Anyway, it was like she knew and turned towards me instinctively. Before I knew it, she was clinging to me, and I, in turn, pulled her close, happy that she was there but not sure what it would mean for us later. I struggled with whether I could put her through that nightmare of losing another Mountie."

Joseph sat watching the pair in front of him. Even though they were estranged, he could see their deep feelings and connection. It gave him the confidence that with time, hard work, and understanding, they could find their way back and maybe even still have that great love story he could easily see.

"I think we should stop for the day, but Nathan, if you and Elizabeth are amenable, I would like to continue at least a few more sessions with you together. From what I have seen today, I really think a lot of healing needs to take place, but the wounds need to be exposed for that to happen."

"Nathan?" Elizabeth asked. "I would like to recover our friendship if you are willing, though I would respect your decision if you don't feel it is possible. I accept full responsibility for my actions and would like to make amends, if possible, even if only to allow you to finally let me know how you feel about what I did."

Nathan sat there for a time, thinking about everything. He was confused, angry, and unsure of what he wanted moving forward with Elizabeth. At the very least, she was Allie's teacher and a member of the town he was sworn to protect. But he knew she was more than that, so he agreed in the interest of getting past this place they were in. It was decided that they would meet each day over the course of the next week in an effort to tackle the hard conversations before Allie returned. After leading them in a quick prayer, they all headed their separate ways.

(1) S8 Ep12

(2) S8 Ep2

(3) S8 Ep9