Chapter 3
The weeks passed slowly. Time seemed to just drift along as Severus and I began spending more and more time together. He would stay with me a few nights a week, and I was beginning to look forward to them more and more. I knew I shouldn't let myself get attached to him, but it was easy. I felt like I could talk to Severus like no one else, and he understood me. I hoped it was the same for him, not that he had let me in very much. I knew of his past anecdotally from Narcissa and Lucius, but they were not the most reliable people to ask. I could tell that there was always something going on behind his eyes. Something I wondered if he would ever let me into. We were enjoying a lazy evening, in early August when the thought first struck me on how little time we had together. Granted, we were mostly just having sex and occasionally grabbing a bite to eat together. Our relationship was so surface level and physical, and yet I could feel myself slipping further and further. I laid there, pondering this, staring at the ceiling. Severus noticed my brooding, and rolled to his side to look at me.
"Are you alright?" He asked. "Did Narcissa say something about me spending so much time here or something?" I shook my head, and turned to him smiling.
"I'm fine." I lied, as I tried to shield my mind from his prodding. "I'm just lost in my thoughts." He nodded, but I could tell he definitely didn't believe me. I tried to distract him by kissing him softly. "Listen if it was something you needed to worry about, I would let you know. We're just having fun, remember?" He nodded, and sighed. He rolled out of bed and started to get dressed.
"I have to go to Hosmeade this weekend." He said casually. "I do a little work during the summer, helping the apothecary reorganize its stores and such. Do you want to come?" I looked up at him tilting my head a little.
"Are you sure?" Spending a whole weekend together sounded very coupley, and not something Snape would normally suggest.
"Right now I am", he said, not meeting my eyes. "I'm gonna be gone all weekend, and I would much rather spend my nights fucking you than just hanging around my room." He pulled his shirt over his head and sat down to start lacing his boots. "I can't do all of the things I normally would so close to the school. The headmaster has made it clear that I keep my vices in London." I nodded. That's why I was going. So he could blow off steam. He had finished dressing and walked over to me. "I promise I'll show you around too. I would be an idiot to think that you would want to be sequestered in the inn the whole three days." He gave me a quick kiss before starting to walk out. I pulled my robe on, and followed him to the fireplace. "I'll pick you up here and we can floo to my rooms in the village. I'll be here Thursday, 3 o'clock." I nodded, and watched him go. I sat down on the couch, chewing my fingernail, and trying to decide if I could keep this up or not.
The village was perfect. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting, but the place seriously looked like a postcard. Severus had rented a room that had a fantastic view. It looked out at the entire village center, and I could see the roofs of a few cottages, and the Shrieking Shack in the distance. I felt him come up behind me and put his hands on my hips. He gently spun me around and gave me a quick kiss on my lips before moving on to my neck. He stopped when he reached my collar bone and sighed. He pulled back and looked into my eyes.
"Let's go to the pub", he said as he took my hand in his, and led me out of the room. I was completely lost in my thoughts as I walked with him down the cobblestone streets. The evening was warm and a little sticky. Severus seemed lost in thought as well. We didn't speak at all on the short walk to the Three Broomsticks. As soon as we got close to the door, he hesitated. "More people are going to recognize me here. We could go somewhere else…" I looked at him, a little confused. I knew that in London, we were afforded a lot more anonymity. Was he ashamed of me or his past? Most of these people knew him when was young.
"No, you wanted to show me around. Part of showing me around is going to the pub." I took his hand gently, and he looked at me with an expression I couldn't really read. We stood like that for a minute before he walked into the pub, pulling me with him. A pretty woman walked up to us and looked us up and down, and then from Severus to me.
"Good evening, professor," she said in a kind voice. "Would you and your, er, guest like to grab a table? I think I have a couple open." Snape nodded as he scanned the room, no doubt looking to see if any other professors were here. We weaved through the maze of tables, but I almost ran into him when he stopped short. I followed his gaze, and saw the biggest man I had ever seen in my life. He had a wild mane of hair and matching beard, but what I could see of his face seemed friendly. He was laughing and drinking from an enormous mug, playing cards with the other wizards at this table. I felt Snape pulling me in the opposite direction, when he caught sight of us.
"Oh, hello professor, Snape", came his booming voice. "Lovely evenin'" I felt Snape sigh and he turned.
"Evening, Hagrid. I see you're enjoying yourself." he said in a more nasally version of his own voice. It was then that I truly realized he was a completely different person here, and at Hogwarts. He turned to me. "Marie Williams, may I introduce the Hogwarts groundskeeper, Hagrid." I extended my hand out, and Hagrid's own hand swallowed it.
"Nice to meet you" I said, painfully aware of my American accent, for once.
"I won't keep you" Hagrid's eyes were sparkling slightly. Snape pulled me along to another table in a more secluded part of the pub
"I'm sorry," he said as we sat. "He usually frequents the Hog's Head, but I guess the draw of Madam Rosmerta was too much. I don't want people to get the wrong idea." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe this was a bad idea…" I felt tears prick at my eyes.
"Coming to the Three Broomsticks, or coming to Hosmeade?", I asked. My voice cracked more than I thought it would and he snapped his head to look at me.
"I don't want them to think I paid for you. Is that better? I don't want these people to think that I had to buy your company because I am incredibly unlikeable." He was angry. "We agreed to keep it fun, and it was. In London. I don't know why I invited you to come this weekend." I stood, and stormed out of the pub. I couldn't hear him behind me, but it didn't matter. None of it fucking mattered. He was a miserable old cunt, and I was glad to be rid of him. I walked down the street, not really paying attention to where I was going. I think I was more mad that he was right. Why did he invite me on this stupid trip if he didn't really want me there? I should have said no. I shouldn't have come at all. This was just supposed to be sex, but of course I had to go and develop feelings for someone who could never truly love me back. I stopped when I realized I was standing outside the fence surrounding the Shrieking Shack. I sighed and leaned against a tree. The late summer sun hadn't set yet, and everything was bathed in a golden glow. It would have been beautiful, if I hadn't been so miserable. It was then that I let the tears start to flow.
We never talked about her. Lily, I mean. Why would we? We were only supposed to be having fun for a few months before he went off back to school. Of course, I had also been the one to ask him to be more exclusive with me. I hadn't realized being exclusive would mean that feelings would begin to develop for me. I didn't realize how big of a hold she still held over him, and Hogwarts as well for that matter. His past was strangling him, and he couldn't even see it. Even if he did, I'm sure he would welcome death as a sweet relief at this point. I knew that was the reason for how he lived. I knew it was her. I knew more than he thought I did. Lucius was a talkative drunk. He told me how Snape had begged the Dark Lord to spare Lily, and that was ultimately what doomed her. I drew my knees to me as the sun began to set fully and it was beginning to get chilly, and my tears had dried. I looked in the shadows of the trees and sighed.
"How long have you been standing there?" I said in a hoarse voice. Severus stepped forward, a pained look on his face as he approached me. I stood, but couldn't meet his eyes.
"The whole time." His voice also sounded strained. "I'm so sorry. You have been nothing but nice to me, even before this." I looked up at him and saw he truly looked distraught. "I'm not good at this. I am not good at or for people. I destroy things, and no one wants to be around me. No one but you." He ran his hand through his hair. "Don't you get it? I don't deserve you. I'm poison." Oh. I took a step towards him and reached out for him. He took my hand and closed the small gap between us. He pulled me to him, sliding an arm around my waist. He held me tight and kissed me. This kiss was unlike any other we had shared. No lust, no hunger, no fight for dominance. It was just pure love. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks again as I kissed him back. I felt him turning on the spot and I held onto him. I felt the air moving around us, but I was lost in the feeling of his lips on mine that it didn't fully register to me, until he pulled back and I realized we were back in his room at the inn. We stood there, holding onto each other for a moment. I pulled away and started towards the door.
"Stay", it was all he had to say to send me rushing into his arms. He pulled me close =, devouring my mouth again as he moved to lay me down on the bed. I felt one of his hands roaming up my thigh as he moved to kiss down my neck. I reached for, and pulled his shirt off of him and he pulled my dress over my head. I heard his breath catch a little as he realized I hadn't worn a bra, and the sexiest pair of panties that I owned. "Fuck, you will ruin me" he said it quietly as his eyes roamed over my body. He had seen, kissed, licked, and even bit just about every inch of my skin, but it was like he couldn't help himself but stare. His slender fingers traced over my skin as he moved his hands up my body. "I'm not going to fuck you tonight" I looked at him. "I'm going to make love to you, but be kind. I've never done this before…" He actually looked nervous. I smiled a little and gently cradled his face. He leaned into my hand before leaning down and kissing me again, so sweetly. His lips stayed locked to mine as he finished pulling his clothes off and gently pulled my underwear off as well. He entered me slowly, easing his cock deep into me. He broke the kiss, and locked eyes with me. He started to move slowly, thrusting his hips in slow and steady rhythm. I met his thrusts moving my hips in perfect sync with his. I clutched him close to me as I felt my orgasm building, and I could tell he was getting closer too. He pressed his forehead to mine and groaned as he came, I quickly followed, holding onto him desperately. We laid there clutching each other, and trying to cath our breaths. He sat up only slightly, brushing my hair from my face, and gently cupping my face with his hand.
"I-I love you" he said, and I felt my jaw drop.
"I love you too" I said softly. I didn't know if he truly loved me, but in the moment I didn't care. We held each other close as we drifted off into a deep, blissful sleep.