Chapter three:

Donnie brings his feet up curling up on his chair. His arms wrapping around his legs. He keeps thinking about Leo no matter how much time has passed. He wishes he could have saved him, that things could have been different. He buries his face into his knees sobbing alone in his lab. He doesn't understand how they're supposed to recover from this.

They're not complete when they're missing Leo.

As much as Leo could annoy his brothers he is still a piece of their family. He is now the lost piece of their family puzzle. Likely never to be found ever again.

Donnie can never feel whole and nothing can ever take Leo's place in his heart.

They were teased as being twins until they adopted the idea as reality. They just fell in love with the idea that they're twins.

Donnie doesn't understand why they had to lose Leo. He doesn't understand why fate had to take him away from them.

It's not fair! It's not right that he had to be taken away from them!

Donnie lets out an angry cry into his knees before returning to just sobbing. He trembles as he remains in his lab alone, though he wouldn't even notice if someone walked in. He can't even think of anything else except Leo. His heart feels so painful like Krang himself tore it to shreds. He cries for a little before getting up. He slams a fist against a wall hard. "Give him back!" He snaps at the wall as if it was the thing that had taken Leo away. He slumps his raised shoulders and his arm relaxes as he pants softly. He drops his hands to his sides staring at the wall with tears still rolling down his cheeks.

"Donnie?" Mikey calls snapping Donnie from his thoughts of Leo.

Donnie sniffles and quickly wipes away his tears. "What is it Mikey?" He questions hearing the other enter his lab. He doesn't turn to face Mikey as he glances to some work instead.

"Did you want to go out to the surface with me? We can get ice cream." Mikey offers blinking curiously at Donnie who glances away.

"No. Sorry I have too much work to do." Donnie tells Mikey who falls silent for a few moments. He can feel the others gaze on him though he doesn't return the look.

Mikey suddenly hurries over and hugs Donnie.

Donnie freezes and turns to him wide eyed. He can see Mikeys eyes are shut tightly and he has tears falling down his cheeks. He's not much of a hugging type turtle, though seeing Mikey like this makes his heart ache more.

"I know you miss Leo. We all do. But please don't push us away." Mikey pleads in an upset tone to his brother. "I hate seeing you like this. Locked away working so hard you don't leave the lab. Working yourself into exhaustion. You don't talk to us. You mostly ignore us to focus on your work." He sniffles a little. "I, we, already lost Leo. I don't want to lose you too." He buries his face into Donnies arm still with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Donnie stares at Mikey for a moment and is especially hit by the last words Mikey said to him. He swallows a little harshly before moving to put an arm around Mikey. He pauses hovering just before he'd be touching Mikey. He takes a brief moment before finally putting it around Mikey. "Why did he have to leave?" He questions the other who shakes his head.

"I wish I knew." Mikey sniffles a little staying close to Donnie. "It's not fair that it had to be him. Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why couldn't things have ended differently?"

"If I knew the answers I wouldn't be asking." Donnie mutters a little quietly.

"I know." Mikey lets out a breath and the two of them stand there together.

In the other world...

Leon is moving around in the wheelchair for a few weeks now. He was told by Donatello that he's gonna get his strength up more before working on walking. He is relieved to at least not be stuck in a bed in the med bay. Though he still uses it as where he sleeps while staying here. He watches Raphael do a little training in the dojo, as the dojo has been in the opposite direction than Leon was when Raphael came out of his room. He is reminded of his Raph doing some solo training as well. He doubts that he is even noticed being there by Raphael and he decides to not say anything. He tries to brush it off as it's his training time so he'll let him be. He turns his wheelchair away and rolls away to the living room. He glances to his legs that right now feel like a useless part of him. He will be excited to get them working again... He hopes so anyways... He was told he had so much damage so getting his legs to work again is easier said than done. He glances up and spots Leonardo walking past.

Leonardo glances to him and he looks like he's asking if the other is okay.

Leon gives him a thumbs up to assure him that he's good. He even adds a smile to help assure him that he is indeed good.

Leonardo nods then heads off to the kitchen.

"Hey Leon!" Michelangelo's voice causes Leon to look over to him. He's on the couch on his knees to look over the back side. He smiles at the other. "Me and Donnie are playing a game. Want to join?"

Before Leon can answer Splinter comes over to him, causing him to turn.

"Leon. Is it alright if we have a word first?"

"Sure." Leon wonders what this is about. He looks from Splinter back to Michelangelo. "Give me a min." He follows Splinter as Michelangelo sits back down on the couch properly. He goes into Splinters room where the other sits down on his knees. "What is it you'd like to talk about?" He inquires curiously.

"While you're healing physically we cannot neglect your mental healing." Splinter informs him and Leon finds himself dreading this. "The story was explained to me so we don't have to start with explanations." He assures Leon who just nods softly. "And I will not be sharing what you tell me here. These conversations are just between you and me. You can have conversations with them if you want. Does that all sound alright to you?"

Leon has a feeling that Splinter will manage to convince him either way. "Okay." He agrees to this deciding to try to just get it done.

"I am glad to hear. I was worried it'd be a bit too soon." Splinter nods softly. "Is there anything you'd like to say to begin? Or would you like me to talk first?"

Leon thinks about it a little before deciding. "I'm not ready to be a leader." He tells Splinter clenching his hands into fists. His eyes cast downwards to his lap. "I don't understand why I was chosen. I just screw things up. I don't even understand why it had to be me. I was never prepared for some kind of leadership role." He shifts letting his shoulders drop. "I don't even know what I'm doing." He isn't sure why but there's something about this Splinter that just makes him want to be honest.

This Splinter does give off the vibe of being so full of wisdom that he'd happily share, so perhaps that helps in making Leon want to be honest; Plus Leon needed to get somethings off of his chest. "He probably saw the potential in you to be a wonderful leader." He tells Leon who goes quiet to listen. "Even though you don't feel ready, the leader they need is inside you. You just need advice and a guide to be able to help unlock it. It is alright to ask for help and to be taught new things. All of our experiences come together to teach us many things about life. Including our role in it."

"Well that mess taught me was that I'm no leader." Leon sighs to himself though Splinter heard his words. "It wasn't the only thing it taught me but it just makes me wish that I didn't have to be this leader figure."

"I can help you if you want. At least while you're here. You'll find yourself learning and growing as life goes on. However you can have a nice starting point to start off with." Splinter offers to Leon who blinks at him at this. "We are always learning. Everyone is. Even if you think someone knows everything they're actually learning as well."

"I would like that." Leon agrees to this to which Splinter nods. "I don't want to thrust them into danger like that again."

"Alright. Then we can do that a little later." Splinter nods. "I will share the knowledge I know to help you as much as I can. This moment is for your mental health. Is there anything else you'd like to bring up? You still look rather troubled."

Leon wonders if he's really that obvious, or if Splinter is just that good. "I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what had happened. I just wanted to make things right. Even if it meant..." He pauses for a moment only for Splinter to finish that.

"Even if it meant that you had to throw away your own life. So no one else would have to pay for your mistakes." Splinter hums softly. "We all make mistakes and when we see what happens we want to fix things. I understand. I doubt they blame you for everything."

"Well they should." Leon glances away. "It is my fault that things went the way they did."

"Then grow from it and earn that forgiveness. Even if they've already forgiven you then you can learn from all this. Grow and let yourself feel that you're earning that forgiveness." Splinters words causes Leon to turn to blink at him in surprise. "You already stopped the bad guy. Now you can reflect and learn to try to stop things from getting that bad again."

Leon isn't even sure what to say to such great advice. He takes a few moments before he is able to speak, only for his mouth to speak without his brain even thinking. "I'll try. Try to not lose my shell over having to look back in it. Maybe it won't be as un-bear-able as I think it might."

"I know it can be rough." Splinter stares at Leon without giving a chuckle. He seems to know that Leon just has his own way of communicating, or trying to avoid something if it gets to be too much, so his jokes aren't always just thrown out for laughs. He watches the other whose eyes flicker downwards. "Trauma of any kind is hard to get through. You can take the time that you need. Taking your time to look back and learn at your own pace. You'll still be earning the forgiveness as you're learning from what happened. It won't be easy to just do so in one full moment. Stretching it out is the best way to get it without overwhelming yourself."

"What if I'm still stuck on things and they move on before I can? If I ever do."

"It won't matter how long you take on things. They'll do the time they need for themselves. While you take the time you need. We are all different and don't do things the same way. Yet the goal can still be achieved in this. We have to do things our own way."

Leon nods softly to this slightly hanging his head. "I find myself thinking about how upset they are right now. Thinking that I'm not coming back. That I was probably killed by that thing!" He almost wants to punch a wall so instead he slams a fist down onto his lap.

"Yes it is unfortunate that they are unaware of you recovering here. However you can surprise them when you're at least able to walk. I'm sure you can do the rest of the healing at home." Splinter informs Leon clearly able to tell the other is itching to get back. "We understand your desire to go home and return to your family. We won't be upset when the time comes." He sees Leon just nod softly. "Would you like to continue or take a break? We can break if it's becoming a bit much."

Leon does feel like waves of emotions are crashing down upon him. He can feel the anger towards himself, the sadness, the guilt, the regret, and the desire for home. "Lets take a break." He can't even bring himself to look to Splinter. He doesn't feel worthy to gaze upon someone so wise.

"Alright. We can pick things back up later." Splinter agrees to this. "And Leon."

"Yeah?" Leon inquires wondering what the other wants to say.

"You're being too hard on yourself. I understand that there's a lot of feelings going on right now. But try to be a bit nicer on yourself. You don't need to blame yourself so hard for everything. Your thoughts won't change right away, I just wanted you to know that. You could join the other two in playing that game. Try to bring your mood back up."

"Ok. Thank you." Leon nods before wheeling himself away. He doesn't head to join Michelangelo and Donatello. He instead heads to Raphael's room. He notices the door is open so he peeks in. He sees the other inside with his back to him.

"God damn it!" Raphael curses with a groan. "I still can't get these damn thoughts out of my fucking head!"

Leon wonders if this is a bad time before deciding that he has to talk with Raphael. He hasn't seen the other as much, and he would almost swear that the other was trying to avoid him. He actually has a feeling that he knows why as well. He knocks on the door to which Raphael slightly jumps. He lowers his hand as the other spins around. "Hey. Is it okay if I wanted to talk a moment?" He inquires to which Raphael huffs.

"I guess."

Leon wheels himself into the room and gives his best calm look he can muster.

"What do you want?" Raphael questions once Leon is in perfect position to talk. He doesn't look very pleased about doing this.

"I know you've been trying to avoid me." Leon starts off causing Raphael to snort at him.

"I'm not avoiding you." Raphael insists. His glare hard. "Besides you aren't seen with Leo much either! So why not bug him about it too?! Why you singling me out?!"

"Your Leo meditates and he does check in on me. Sure I hang out with your Don and Mikey more, but I can tell your Leo isn't trying to avoid me." Leon points out. "And I believe I know why you're trying to stay away." He continues when Raphael growls. "You're scared that one of your brothers are going to be gone. I am the face of those thoughts."

"I am not scared!" Raphael growls storming closer to Leon. "You've got your head screwed on wrong."

"Sure I do." Leon chuckles a little. "Maybe I was knocked around so much that ideas got knocked into me." He smirks a little. He didn't miss that slightest flinch in Raphael, as if the other is imagining it. "Everything's peachy. Or maybe you don't like me seeing you scared out of your shell." He teases not losing his smirk as Raphael gets up in his face.

"Shut the fuck up before I knock you out of that wheelchair." Raphael growls at Leon while in his face only making Leon chuckle a little.

"Well well Raphael's come out to play finally."

"You're so god damn annoying." Raphael snorts glaring at Leon who isn't fazed by it. "Your a smug ass thinking you're on to something. Well you're not."

Before Leon can challenge Raphael to prove it another voice comes up.

"Raph!"

The two turn to see Leonardo standing in the doorway arms crossed.

Raphael backs away from Leon with a low growl while Leonardo walks further inside.

"Mind telling me what's going on in here?" Leonardo looks from Leon to look to Raphael.

"No need to worry. We're just having a conversation." Leon shrugs casually though Leonardo's gaze remains on Raphael.

"He's just making assumptions and I got mad okay?" Raphael snorts at Leonardo. His arms crossing across his chest and his foot lightly tapping in annoyance.

"I know I'm right that you're scared of facing the idea that you might lose someone." Leon points out before Leonardo steps between them.

Leonardo turns his gaze towards Leon. "That is enough. You. Go and join Mikey and Donnie."

Leon can tell by the look in Leonardo's eyes that there is no room for arguing. He wants to however his instincts tell him that he should just go. He turns away and wheels off going to the living room. He isn't going to push buttons when he's up against two. "But I thought that there was some sort of similarities between this Raph and mine." He sighs under his breath and he reviews what had happened. "Maybe I was wrong." He puts on a calm face then heads to Mikey and Donnie glancing to what game they're playing. He sees what looks like a fantasy fighter. "What game is this?" He inquires to which they turn to him.

"Howd the talk with Splinter go?" Donatello inquires as Leon moves to join them.

"It went alright. We just discussed some stuff about my healing. And some of what had happened before I came here. It's fine though." Leon offers them a smile.

"Alright." Donatello nods his head.

"We're playing Tiny Tina's wonderland. April is letting us borrow it. She says that it's a good game." Michelangelo informs Leon. "Wanna play? We can add you."

"Sure." Leon agrees and is given a controller. He creates his character and joins the game. He finds it a good distraction from hoping that he didn't mess things up with Raphael. He hears footsteps during a lapsing screen so he glances back to see Leonardo and Raphael heading out. He sees that Raphael tries to not look at him. He turns back to the game guessing that maybe he should have left it alone.